Anyway, pregnancy!
I can hardly believe that tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant, and thus FULL TERM!!!! Can you believe that Samuel will be here SO soon?!?! I'm so glad to have made it to full term because now I can have a homebirth if I want to, and he should be fine and dandy. Also I am breathing a big sigh of relief tonight because Heather (my doula) has been running a stall at a Christmas craft fair, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (today), and would not have been available if my waters had broken or something! I know it wasn't likely, but I have really felt anxious about it this weekend, and I'm glad she's finished the craft fair today! :) She officially goes "on call" for me from 38 weeks until December 23rd. I'm sure I won't go that far but if it gets to Christmas Eve she can't be with me :( I'm still thinking Samuel will come right around his due date. So far all my babies have been born between the 9th and 14th of the month, regardless of when they were due:
Arthur: Due Nov 5th, born Nov 9th
Matthew: Due June 7th, born June 14th
Nathan: Due Feb 10th, born Jan 12th
Benjamin: Due July 8th, born July 9th
Samuel is due Dec 13th (or 11th if you're asking the sonographer, which I am not!), and I am pretty much thinking he'll be born in that 9th-14th window, but since he's due on the 13th and (other than Nathan) I give birth after my due date, I think he'll come either on his due date or on the 14th. We shall see! :)
I am feeling huge lately, of course - what 37-weeks-pregnant mama does not?! I think I am gaining weight REALLY fast these last few weeks, but I haven't weighed myself in that time. The last time I weighed myself - I can't remember my gestation, perhaps it was even something I mentioned last entry? - I had suddenly gained 9lbs in 9 days, and I certainly FEEL physically as though I'm continuing the trend, unfortunately! :S I am craving all manner of sweet and sugary things which isn't helping! I've given up bothering about it, and just eating what I enjoy right now. I still fit in my largest maternity jeans and for the first time my wedding ring is STILL on! :) I hope I can keep it on right the way through now. I don't think I have managed to do that before, but then again, I often have some last minute water retention in my hands, and haven't arrived at that stage yet.
Samuel is very wiggly, but just squirms and pushes his legs lately. He changes several times a day in his position from my left side to my right, but he's always head down with his back up against my tummy (one side or the other) which is good. At my last midwife appointment (36 weeks) I finally had my first ever record in my notes of his head in relation to my pelvis - four fifths palpable still, but I like that better than "high and free"! :) He has spent so much time over my pregnancy with his head in my left hip that I'm relieved that 1/5 of it is squarely in my pelvis now! He gets hiccups several times a day, and seems to me to be a very laid-back baby, not agitated in his movements at all. He can get a bit more vigorous during a bout of hiccups, but nothing like some of my other boys did! He doesn't poke or flick or hurt me with little movements like one or two of my other babies have either. He just pushes and squirms with his legs and shoulders most of the time. Sometimes he grinds his head around and it feels very low when he does that, so it makes quite a sharp pain while he's doing it, I guess around my cervical area or my bladder - I can't quite pinpoint where exactly.
At my 36 week appointment (which was done at home, thankfully, and I've asked for home visits only from now on since Neil is now at his new job and I can't fathom hauling all the little ones out to a midwife appointment every week or so at this huge stage of pregnancy!), the midwife asked me about the scan and consultant appointment I had (which I don't think I've even updated about - BAD Alice!) and what my thoughts were on where to give birth.
That appointment was at 34 weeks and 3 days. I went by myself because Heather could not go with me that day, and Neil needed to be at home to look after the boys. I had a scan first to check on my placenta. At first she could not find the lobe at all but it turned out that Samuel was lying on it! ;) He was very happy and calm and content, and did not feel like moving, no matter how she jiggled my poor tummy! In the end she was able to get an angle where she could see it. So it's still the same situation with my succenturiate placenta. It still is a normal placenta with an extra lobe. The main placenta is high and anterior, and the lobe is now lateral (on the side of my uterus) where before it was posterior. It's high, which is the best place for it to be. The blood flow is normal in the lobe and to the main placenta, and Samuel's umbilical cord is inserted into the middle of the main placenta, and the blood flow to him is normal too. Which is all good! All his measurements were fine for 34 weeks apparently. He was sucking calmly at the amniotic fluid some of the time, and just seemed to be quite chilled out in there! It was LOVELY to see him again! I have never had a late scan before, and one thing I noticed was how chubby his little cheeks looked compared with at the 20 week scan! So sweet! It was also lovely to see his sweet little chinny again - ohhh I can't wait to see that for real! It's definitely like Nathan's from what I can see - quite a dip in under his lower lip, and with a cleft/dimple down the centre :) I heart Nathan's little cleft chinny (and Benjamin's is similar but not so deep) so I'm eager to use my little finger to gentle stroke that sweet dimple when I finally have my tiny boy in my arms! :)
He's also definitely still a boy, lol! The first thing we saw when the screen was switched on were his boy bits, and the sonographer moved the image quickly and asked if I knew what I was having! ;) I said yes, and she said that was good because she was not sure how she could hide it, since he was so obviously a boy, hehe! Here's a picture that she kindly gave me of my sweet precious:
Then came the consultant appointment, with my lovely, very open-minded and laid-back consultant. It was almost the end of the day by this time and when he came in he seemed kind of tired and stressed, and that seemed to affect the appointment unfortunately. He said basically the same stuff as last time, but with a slightly more stressy/pessimistic spin on it, which was a bummer. He said I could have a homebirth if the community midwives would agree to take me on with my high risks, and that I should discuss it with them and have them call him and discuss the plan for my case. Well, firstly I can have a homebirth whether or not the midwives think they want to take me on, since it's MY choice, but whatever! ;) Secondly I did not end up getting one of my midwives to call the consultant and discuss me, because I didn't think it was necessary. I'M the decision-maker here, not the midwives or the consultant. But I need to decide carefully, and I have been having terrible trouble doing so.
The midwife asked me at 36 weeks, and I said that my current thinking is to book a homebirth whilst staying open-minded to choosing a hospital birth at the last minute. Heather told me it's much better to book a homebirth and change my mind than the other way around - much easier apparently! So that's what I said, and she didn't bat at eyelid, simply started the process of booking my homebirth there and then! :) I had to go through the risk/transfer list AGAIN, but I asked her if I could take it away and read it in my own time, rather than her verbally take me through it, because all my children were in the room watching and listening and I did not want them made anxious about any aspect of the birth. So I am booked for a homebirth! I have the usual list of stuff I need to accumulate, but I have most of it in a box that we got down from the loft, labelled, "Homebirth/Postnatal", so I need to open that and go through it soon to find out what's in it.
I am still not sure whether to just go ahead and give birth in the hospital. When I was at my appointment, it was downstairs below the labour ward, and just being there made me feel itchy, like I had some sort of constant mild adrenaline and just wanted to get up and run away from there and get home. That made me think I really did want to have a homebirth, if I felt that way in the hospital. Obviously there are childcare issues to consider as well. If I have a hospital birth the likely scenario for us is that Neil will miss it entirely, since we just don't have any childcare help at ALL. We only have my brother, and he looked after the boys overnight when Nathan was born, but he hasn't got back to us about it since I asked him whether he'd mind doing it again if we needed him to a couple of weeks ago. I will probably follow up and call him soon but he has a couple of little kiddies now and it's ever so close to Christmas (they'll probably visit family in the run-up to Christmas and be away from home therefore). We don't really have anyone we can ask, but even so, the boys would probably not be happy with anyone other than Bennie anyway. So far we are thinking that if I have to go into hospital (or choose to), Neil will stay home and I will at least have my doula with me for support. I would so hate for him to miss seeing Samuel being born though.... If I was at home, he would be able to look after the boys but NOT miss the baby being born, just as it worked out at Benjamin's birth - that was wonderful!
I love being in my own home, it's so much more comforting, relaxing and familiar. It requires so much less energy from me, physically and emotionally. I think it's a reason my labour last time was the fastest yet, and pretty smooth and easy (until the last bit!) as well. I would like that again, and I just feel like there are way too many things to complicate the natural process of allowing labour to progress as it should, just getting myself into hospital, let alone being there and not being in my favourite place as I try to go with what my body is doing.
So homebirth is the obvious choice for me. BUT. The big but. I don't want to put myself at risk! Or the baby, for that matter - I had my GBS swab done at my 36 week appointment and I will try to remember to phone the midwife tomorrow to find out the result. It's likely (but not necessarily certain) to be positive, which of course presents a miniscule risk to the baby. In hospital I would get IV antibiotics which would reduce the risk to the baby enormously, and I don't want my baby to be at risk! Last time I was GBS positive and still had a homebirth with no antibiotics. I was careful, I watched for signs of GBS infection, my waters broke right at the very end of labour as he was being born (a GOOD thing with GBS), and I was careful to observe him for the first 24 hours or so to make sure he was staying well. All went fine, and having been there and done that, I would choose the same thing again this time. It's just the risk of bleeding with the type of placenta I've got that makes me anxious and not know what to do.
When I got to 35 weeks and 5 days - the day my waters broke with Nathan - I had a sudden overwhelming urge for my waters to just break again so that the decision could be made for me! If they did, I would automatically be going into hospital, getting IV antibiotics, and being induced, like with Nathan. I would be there already, and that would be that. If I had a heavy bleed after the birth, I would be in a very good place for it. For a few days I hoped and hoped my waters would break, even knowing that was DAFT because it was too early and would not be good for my little one if that happened! *sigh*
Then I got over it a bit, but started to wonder if I should just book a hospital birth after all, since I felt such a sense of relief at the idea of just having another reason to be in the hospital. But CHOOSING to be there is different. Choosing not to be in my own home, choosing to be away from my little ones, and choosing for Neil to miss the birth.... I don't want any of those things. Heather suggested that I pray and ask God to show me where I should give birth. I just can't seem to find any clarity of thought at all lately - all my thoughts are scrambled with the new demands of Neil being out 12 hours a day through the week, and I just have mush for a brain all the time! It's Sunday evening after Neil's second full week at work, and for the first time I am able to think straight! :) Perhaps I'm adjusting at last?! Anyway, Heather suggested I ask God to show me in my dreams if I wasn't able to think about it. I did have a dream the very first night I prayed about it, and it was a bit weird but basically I was in hospital and it did NOT feel nice to be there. I felt anxious and tense and wanted to leave all the time. I am asking God for more, or for confirmation. Meanwhile I am just noticing day by day that I feel more and more relaxed about the idea of just going into labour and staying at home. I don't know why. Perhaps it's answer to prayer?
Anyway, I am still undecided about it all, but so far I am happy to have booked the homebirth and be starting to plan that out, even though part of me is still wondering about the hospital birth idea. I just don't want to bleeeeeed! At all! :S
Well, I'm sure there's more, as always, but it's getting late and I need to go to bed. I'm glad to be relaxing more about the birth over these last few days, because it has FINALLY enabled me to start planning for it - before that I was too anxious to want to go there, and was not getting stuff done in preparation for Samuel to be here.
Now we've moved Benjamin into the boys' room, and my room has a lot of boxes in it which need sorting or putting in the loft. Not much time left, but hopefully we'll get there before Samuel comes! I started packing a hospital bag yesterday which was surprisingly exciting, to my relief! :) So far I have only packed some of my things, no baby things yet. I have written the packing list though - I basically copied Benjamin's, and it was amusing that when I wrote the title of my list at the top of the page, I nearly wrote, "Hospital Bag - 2010", hahaha! Sort of like a Christmas card list, to differentiate it from the lists I've written for the previous years! ;) I do seem to have babies that often lately, hehe! Nathan was born in 2008, Benjamin in 2009, and Samuel will be born in 2010 - so 3 calendar years in a row! I'm almost 100% positive that we'll miss out 2011 though! ;)
Benjamin still needs his cot, and there isn't enough room for the Amby hammock that Benjamin used, in the smaller bedroom with me. We have a Moses basket but those never last more than a few weeks for my babies as they grow so fast. So we bought a bedside crib, which should hopefully last until 5 or so months, as those are bigger than a Moses basket and say "up to 6 months". It's still boxed right now because I haven't had time or space to set it up, but now that Benjamin is in the other bedroom I can get to clearing boxes and then set it up! I can't wait - such a fun project! I bought a crib coverlet from eBay in neutral colours, and can probably get away with using flat Moses basket sheets for the crib mattress instead of having to buy fitted crib-sized sheets. I have plenty of the little flat sheets. I am planning to swaddle Samuel (which we never really managed with the others) so hopefully he'll fit the crib for a good while since he'll be all bundled up! :) We'll see how that pans out.
MUST go to bed! I will probably start to update here more frequently as the due date draws near - I just seem to naturally be drawn to wanting to write my thoughts about things as I get near to giving birth, so that's at least a good thing for my poor neglected pregnancy blog! ;) Thanks for the comments asking if everything is okay - it's usually those that give me the reminder to get another post written at last, and I really appreciate you thinking of me even when I'm quiet for ages here! xxx
[edited to add a note to self: I forgot to write about my Pelvic Girdle Pain - new experience for me this pregnancy! Will try to remember it next post!]
