Samuel is here!!

Yay, the sweep worked! :D I had a rotten night's sleep due to various things, but was not actually having proper contractions that felt like the real thing until this morning around 6.30am. I felt sick, anxious and shaky all night and had horrible sharp IBS pain which stopped me getting comfy in bed, and which also kept me going to the loo all night. I just felt so rough with it and was anxious about the nausea, even though I knew it was all a good sign! I continued to lose the bloody show all night too. Benjamin cried for me until after 3am, and Neil and I just couldn't console him, even though I breastfed him whenever I could, so we didn't get any sleep until after 3am. He seemed so anxious and kept sobbing "I gaaare!" (I'm scared) and pointing randomly at everything like he didn't know what was scaring him. My heart just about broke for him because I knew that he KNEW something was going on - something big and incomprehensible - but he was too little to be able to make any sense of it and he was just so insecure and unhappy :( I remember Arthur being that way when I was in labour with Matthew.

Eventually he went to sleep on Neil's chest while Neil sat propped up in bed in the boys' room, and did sleep until 6.20am. For the first time he did not want milky on getting up. He just wanted to go downstairs, but he remained extremely sensitive all day right up until bedtime tonight, crying hysterically if Neil left the room, and wanting to be held a lot. I felt so sad for him, my poor little lovey!

After I woke up at around that time, my first thought was that nothing was happening AGAIN, because here I was waking up in the morning yet again and had not been woken up by contractions or anything. Within moments of sitting up in bed, however, I had a strong contraction - very different in tone from the ones in the evening and here and there through the night, and painful low down at the front and in mygroin, like period cramps only sharp. After 2 more in the next 10 minutes or so, I phoned Heather and when she said, "Hello?!" in an excited tone, I just said, "Would you mind coming over?"

I am wanting to write as much detail of my birth story as possible, as SOON as possible this time, so I guess this is the very start of it. But I am tired now from giving birth today, and Samuel is asleep on my chest as I recline in my bed (got to love giving birth at home!! :) ) so I'm typing with one hand looking sideways off the bed to my laptop screen, and can't keep that up for long. I'll try to add to the story as I go along when I get chance, and then eventually I'll compile it all into a proper birth story (and cut out paragraphs like this one!).

For now let me just give the announcement stats and things!

Samuel Robert was born at 1.41pm, in my bed with my much-prayed-for lovely midwife, Mandi there to deliver him (she also delivered Benjamin) - who knew she was on one of her 2 random days-a-week shifts today?! God did, that's who! :)

I'll have to check my notes to see how long my stages of labour were, but I was not yet in "established" labour when Mandi arrived at 9-something. I refused internal examinations so nobody ever checked me to see how far dilated I was at which times. Second stage and transition were horribly horrible beyond description with no pain relief, but I'm not sure of the lengths of time. Mandi tried helping me control the second stage better this time to avoid a tear, so it took longer. I had to give a little push, then blow 3 times, and repeat until the contraction ended. That was the hardest thing EVER and I lost it lots of times saying I couldn't do it. If I started to push then I couldn't stop without great throat-aching effort, and when I did the 3 blows the pain was overwhelming. BRILLIANT news was that I did not do any wailing or screaming as a result - I can't tell you how happy I was about that! :)

My waters broke a few minutes before he was born, while I was pushing his head down. No meconium in the waters this time, yay! :) He was lifted onto me screaming a raspy STRONG cry, and has been extremely vocal since! He especially hated being weighed, measured and checked over (and his Vit K injection!) a bit later - he has a pretty loud cry for a brand new fresh-from-the-womb baby! I did not let them take him to do those things until after his first breastfeed - he stayed skin-to-skin until then. I offered him the breast right away, as was my instinct since he was screaming even skin-to-skin and I guess I wanted to soothe him, but Heather said he wouldn't likely be interested in the first hour. After about 30 minutes though, he began pushing himself about on my chest with his little feet, and located my left breast quickly. I helped him latch on, and he nursed for about 40 minutes straight!!!! I had a surprise as well, for the first time with one of my babies, he was gulping and swallowing most of that time (at birth!!!) at a fast rate, as though my milk was in. Heather said that this time I must have more milk left from still breastfeeding Benjamin than I usually do. So that brand new baby boy got a good tummyful of breast milk (it is mostly colostrum though, all the same, but there just seems to be lots of it!). His tummy was making busy groany squelchy noises and he stopped now and then to let out a few HUGE burps, lol!

I did manage to get a 2nd degree tear anyway, and needed stitches, but it was apparently not as long a tear as previous ones, even though it was just as deep. Mandi did a great job with the stitches and, much as I absolutely HATE having stitches done there, I was waaaay calmer this time and it seemed less painful than other times. They have not bothered me one bit since, and I did take paracetamol for the afterpains before they were done, but right now those have been worn off for a good couple of hours and I am not in any pain. The afterpains are sore but very manageable this time (so far!).

Long story about the placenta but I had a managed 3rd stage with the injection given and cord cut a couple of minutes after Samuel was born. Mandi was careful and gentle helping the placenta out and we were all absolutely dumbstruck to discover a complete, smooth and untorn circular placenta with 100% intact membranes and no possible location on it where a lobe or its attaching membranes could possibly have ever been. I was anxious and suspicious about it, wondering if they'd just somehow missed it anyway (it was present at 2 scans after all!!) and I still hd it inside me. Mandi spent a good while sitting on the bed with me and showing me my placenta in detail, stretching out all the membranes carefully to show me that they were all intact and there was nowhere that any other vessels or membranes to an extra lobe could have been attached. She phoned the hospital to be sure and they said to bring the placenta in to have the doctors check it to confirm that there's nowhere a lobe could have been attached to it, so that's what she did when she left me. If it's really really true, then it's nothing short of miraculous. Amazing! I still feel vaguely suspicious, but all seems to check out fine. I did not have a lot of blood loss really in general, and my uterus is well contracted as it should be if it's not retaining anything. My lochia since then has been normal, but I'm keeping an eye on it, and for things like fever or feeling unwell, as the midwife explained to me.

Mandi booked me an appointment for a midwife (hopefully Kerry!) to come round tomorrow to do the first day postnatal check on us, and also for one of the GPs from our surgery to come out and do the newborn check on Samuel, since he was born at home and therefore didn't get one in the hospital. Heather stayed until 7pm - what a star! She asked if I wanted her to stay or go around 4.30pm and I asked if she would mind staying (she didn't mind at all) because Neil was so busy with all the boys that I felt like I would be on my own a bit if I needed anything, if she went home. She read stories to the boys and played Duplo with them, and sat with me while they ate, and brought me food and drink and so on. She helped me position myself in the bed various times to breastfeed. Tomorrow she's coming back late morning for a few hours, just to be with me and maybe read a couple of stories to the boys, but the nicest thing is that she has offered to wrap any of the boys Christmas presents that are not yet wrapped while she's here, so as to save us the stress of getting that done in the few days left before Christmas! She's WONDERFUL!!! :)

Oh I almost forgot - Samuel weighed in at NINE POUNDS AND NINE OUNCES!!!!!! What in the wide world!!! I thought it was a major deal for me when I produced an 8lb 11oz Benjamin, but 9lbs 9oz?!?! I am literally in disbelief over it. For hours I just sat in bed saying occasionally, "NINE pounds and NINE ounces?!?!" I just couldn't believe it, haha! I'm so petite in build and well, yikes. I did not ever imagine making a baby that big (or birthing one, lol!)! Mandi was so apologetic that I tore despite her coaching me gently to avoid tearing, but when she learned his weight she said it made her feel better about it, haha! ;) Samuel is also my longest baby by far (although they never measured Benjamin's length so I don't know what he was) - FIFTY NINE centimetres!!!! To compare, the usual average is 50-52cm, and Matthew at 41 weeks was FORTY nine centimetres - 10cm shorter than Samuel!! Yikers! I wish I knew what that was in inches but Samuel is squeaking and stirring (sooooooo cute) so I need to feed him and don't have time to google. He is so precious, and looks to me amazingly like Matthew did as a newborn (except his cheeks are so soft and chubby, lol!). He is a mix of all the boys, and looks like Samuel and nobody else (just like they all have!), but I think he is most like Matthew, which is a first since Matthew himself was born! :)

I will update soon! Thanks so much for the messages and comments - I appreciate you all routing for me soooo much! xxx

41 weeks today!

Well here I am at 41 weeks pregnant! By this time with Matthew's pregnancy, he was born, so this is officially my longest gestation ever!

Today I had my 41-week midwife appointment (having woken with no contractions once again). Oh but last night at about midnight, I went to the loo and when I wiped I found enough mucus plug to definitely call it a "show", but it wasn't the more exciting "bloody show" at all. Just goop of the same type I've been having here and there, but more of it. I also had some uncomfortable/somewhat painful Braxton Hicks through the evening, but other than that nothing, and in the morning all was quiet again. After I breastfed Benjamin at 5.30am or something crazy, I went back to sleep, and when I woke it was 9.45am!!! When I went downstairs to find out what was going on, Neil told me he decided to stay home again, mainly because of the show and the midwife appointment. His work are fine about it. The only thing about it is the fact that he doesn't have many more paid days off that he's eligible for, and he hasn't started paternity leave yet, so that will mostly be unpaid. But never mind, I guess! I was soooo glad and thankful that he was home today.

Heather came over at about 2pm. She brought homemade chocolate cake - how the boys LOVE Heather, hehe! After we ate that, we went upstairs to chat so that the boys wouldn't distract us too much (we did try it downstairs first but it was not going smoothly!). We talked about the options that might come up during the midwife appointment and how I felt about each one. Then about an hour later, Kerry (the midwife who was at Benjamin's birth and who was also in my brother's class at school!) turned up to do my appointment. She was brilliant, really sensitive and professional. She asked me what my thoughts were on everything, and then we discussed it all. I wondered about induction (since we had to discuss it today) BEFORE Christmas, and she said that might be an option, but that they might also allow me to wait till after Christmas, since the usual time for induction at my hospital is 40 weeks and 11 days or 40 weeks and 12 days, and that would be Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. She said she'd find out for me and ring me later.

My blood pressure was 130/77 which she said was fine but which seem REALLY high for me! Still, I'm 41 weeks pregnant so I guess that has a little to do with it?! I've had my b/p go up a little at the very end with more than one of my other pregnancies, without it being abnormal or worrisome. My urine was fine. She felt my tummy - Samuel got the hiccups just as she was arriving for the appointment and didn't stop until she'd nearly finished, hehe! He's still head down and anterior, which I'm so glad about! I don't think this particular baby has ever been found to be posterior at a midwife appointment, which is unlike several of his brothers! ;) I'm happy about that too. His head is only 2/5 palpable above my pubic bone, so he is engaged! Yay! Kerry's doppler battery had died during the day so she got out her Pinard stethoscope (I have one of those!) and used that instead. For some reason I LOVED that! Old-fashioned midwifery and its tools - love it! She heard his heartrate at 140bpm.

After that we discussed a sweep, well, I just said yes please as soon as she mentioned one, lol! And there I was saying I wouldn't be having one of those only a few weeks ago! ;) I know it's an "intervention" but honestly I'd much prefer that to the type that I'll have to go into hospital for in a short while if nothing else happens! If it works that's great, and I'll take it.

So she checked my cervix while she was at it, and said it was soft and stretchy (good news!), 2cm dilated, and still 1cm thick. I haven't had any contractions as such to press Samuel's head onto it to thin it out, so that's not too surprising. She told me that because my cervix is already soft and dilated, they would not have to bother with the Prostin gel to induce me, if it came to that, because my cervix was already doing what the Prostin gel is supposed to do. I'm dilated enough for them to break my waters, which is what the next stage would be before the IV induction process. So that's good too.

The sweep was ever so quick, which she said was due to it being easy to do with the soft/stretchy-ness, but quite painful. Kerry said she gave it a good tug, so hopefully things would kick off! ;) Within 10 minutes (we were still discussing things and she was writing my notes) I started to feel ever so crampy like a period, and if I had a Braxton Hicks it really hurt in the small of my back. I didn't mention that at all because I knew it was DAFT to think it could take effect so quickly! It's supposed to be a "within 24 hours or so" thing! I did ask how soon it COULD take effect, but she didn't really have an answer for me - just that it would be within 24 hours or so if it happened. She booked an appointment for her to come back on Wednesday this week and do another sweep if the first one hasn't worked.

After she went, I asked Heather about the crampiness, and she was enthusiastic about it. She said it CAN happen within the first hour of a sweep, so I shouldn't brush off the crampiness or sore BHs as nothing at all. Obviously the sweep itself can make you just sore and crampy, and then all fade away if it doesn't take effect, so you can't be too sure!

Heather chatted with me for a while longer, and then went downstairs saying I should have some time to just chill out and relax, while she played with the boys! They were longing to play with her and just spend some time with her, and Neil was starting to cook sausages for dinner. So I relaxed and prayed through my prayers about the birth, and checked my messages online. Heather stayed for an hour playing with the boys and their wooden train track, and I could hear that they were SO thrilled and having a lovely time with her! After Kerry phoned, I went downstairs, as I was having some sore Braxton Hicks and generally felt very uncomfortable and crampy, and if Samuel moved even slightly it felt like sharp needles in my cervix (my poor cervix!). Heather got her things together and went home because she said it seemed like she might need to come back later! She left her slippers behind! But never mind, she said she won't need to bring any when she comes "later"! :)

So we ate and bathed the boys and got them ready for bed. All the while I was just so sore! Mainly feeling kind of hurty around my cervix inside, and also periody crampy in my low tummy and back, which also felt very tight. Any time Samuel moved it was sore, and I had Braxton Hicks here and there which hurt in the small of my back too. As soon as the boys were in bed, I went to the toilet, and found a PROPER bloody show! :) More mucus plug than before, and quite well pink/brown stained. I phoned Heather straight away because I was doubtful about it being an exciting enough discovery, as I'd had a sweep a few hours before. I felt like it could easily just be some blood from the aggravation to my cervix itself rather than to do with labour coming. Heather reminded me (I'd forgotten already!) that Kerry said blood is one thing - and if there's frank blood and more than a little of it, I should go in to hospital to be checked, because that wouldn't be normal - but if it's mucus with blood in it, that's the plug and not just an annoyed cervix. So that was encouraging I guess! I still stayed kind of guarded about whether it was worth getting my hopes up over though.

Heather asked me to phone again before I went to bed to give her an update. So this evening I have sat in bed and mainly just watched episodes of The Duggars on YouTube, and relaxed as best I could. I phoned my mum to keep her posted, and that's it really. I have continued to feel really sore and uncomfy all evening, especially with any movement from Samuel. I have had parts of the evening where I'd be getting BHs quite a bit, and then an hour with nothing much at all, or the ones I would get would be painless, as though my soreness from the actual sweep was calming down. Every time I went to the loo I would have a little bit more blood-stained mucus plug, but not much.

Between 10 and 10.30pm I decided to open another window on my browser and use Contraction Master to time my Braxton Hicks, painless or not, just to see if there was any sort of pattern to report to Heather when I phoned her before bed. I think I charted 7 or 8 contractions over that time, and they WERE more regular than I thought, coming about every 4 minutes, with a 3 and a 7 thrown in there too. They were also all lasting about 40-45 seconds, with one only 25 seconds and another just over a minute long. Many were not painful though, and those that hurt were just sore in a sharp way low down at the front and in what I presume to be my cervical area, so that could just be the sweep I presume?

Anyway, I also started to feel kind of queasy and just a bit anxious about the upcoming event, if it was going to be happening, I mean REALLY happening (!!) soon. Right before I phoned Heather I went to the toilet for a last check on the show to be able to give her the latest news, and found a LOT of it, this time quite heavily RED blood-stained (and some brown). It wasn't bleeding as such though, it was all part of the mucus (sorry for all this TMI! I just want it for my own records!). So THAT really did get me thinking that things were starting off, or would be very soon.

Right away after that I felt queasier than ever and also needed to empty my bowels - another promising sign I guess! ;) I also felt quite shaky. I phoned Heather and she said, "Excellent!" with great enthusiasm to everything I reported, even the queasy/shaky thing!! I said it was NOT excellent to be feeling queasy and shaky, but she said it was a good good sign. I suddenly felt (and still do!) very nervous and apprehensive about the night ahead. I don't know if I'll go into labour during the night but it's a strong possibility. While I have been typing this (it's midnight now), I have had a lot of Braxton Hicks that have hurt very sharply low down at the front of my bump, and that's kind of suspicious to me, sweep or not. Plus the very obvious bloody show... Even with a sweep, the fact that I just lost some redder show makes me think it's not just left over from a previously annoyed cervix. A bloody show is a good indicator that labour is less than 24 hours away. In my own experience, I have only had 2 proper shows for my 4 labours, and both times the bloody shows were followed by labour contractions within 6 hours or less.

I still feel sick and yucky, but less shaky since Neil prayed with me. Now that I've updated here, I'm going to try to sleep. I am REALLY tired so I hope I'll be able to. Right now I don't have any significant contractions to keep me awake, but I have to say that is kind of changing as I type this entry - things are getting uncomfortable enough so that I think it would distract me as I try to lie still in the dark with no distractions and fall asleep. See - right now I have a contraction going on that just plain HURTS low down. It's searing and sore. But I'm good at staying in denial in early labour, haha! I keep putting it down to any manner of things until it's REALLY obvious that I'm in proper labour (long after the midwife was here last time!). So I don't know. But Heather says I can ring her any time during the night if my waters break, I feel like things are getting going, I have a concern or question that needs addressing now and can't wait, or I just can't sleep and wish Heather was here! :) She said she can happily sleep on the sofa if nothing much is happening and I'm trying to sleep, and if everything has stopped by the morning she'll just go home again - no big deal! Did I mention I love my doula?

So I have my phone (well, Neil's - I don't actually have one!) charging by the bed, because Heather likes to be texted in the night rather than phoned - she sleeps through the ring but not the text sound apparently, and it disturbs her family less obviously. I might still wake up in the morning and said, "Oh. I'm still here!" but she doesn't think so. I am not sure. I still think I could wake up with nothing happening in the morning, because it's just gone on so long with nothing happening even with the odd "sign" here and there, so I'm losing confidence in these things!

Samuel is wiggling right now and it's a sore as anything on my cervix when he does, almost too much to bear, so I'm going to go to the toilet one last time and then to bed, and hope for some sleep. And that I don't get queasier or start throwing up! I'm still so scared of doing that. I feel better that I did though. I'm just nervous!!! I really don't want to go through labour and birth tonight! Or at all, suddenly! But I know I have to eventually, and it'll be SO worth it! I'm a bit scared about the placenta being delivered and what might happen with it, after the baby is born... But I just have to pray and give it all to God, and trust Him. There's nothing else I can do. I think I also feel a bit weirdly insecure because it's dark and night time and that just doesn't feel as "settled" to me to be feeling sore or yucky as when it's day time. I am just like that, I guess. I would probably feel more secure in the day time. It snowed again this evening, another inch or two, so hopefully that won't slow down anyone coming to attend me if things move really fast! I would NOT want to be without a midwife this time, given that my placenta might possibly cause me issues within a short time after giving birth.

In case it DOES happen tonight, and I don't get chance to update again before it does, please please pray that God will be close to me and keep me safe and without fear. And that labour will be quick and manageable somehow! And that the placenta just plops on out with its lobe and all, and not much bleeding. Thank you so much in advance for your prayers! It means ever so much to me! xxx

40 weeks and 6 days...

Yes, ANOTHER update! *sigh*

I'm updating early tonight (it's only 6pm and the boys are eating beans on toast at the mo so I have a couple of minutes), because I think we will just relax with a movie again tonight and it will be nicer to be able to just go to bed relaxed afterwards instead of feeling the need to come online and update my blog about all things baby/pregnancy-related!

Tomorrow is, of course, the big 41 Weeks milestone that I do not want to reach! If I wake up tomorrow with as little going on in my womb as today (and all the previous days!) then it will be a record for me. Matthew was born at exactly 41 weeks - my latest birth - but I was having contractions any time I woke in the night, and had them from getting up in the morning too.

This morning we did do the parsnips suggestion, and nothing seems to have resulted from that yet. I have lost some mucus plug since (more than previous times, but nothing to get excited about) but I figured that could be just down to the parsnips and not much else? My back is achy and sore all the time, but we also went out today to the park for a family walk in the lovely snow! We didn't go out for long as it took FOREVER to get all the boys dressed up in snow gear, and the sun sets so early that we lost the light after about 40 minutes and had to come home. I didn't do much actual walking because it is just too painful with my Pelvic Girdle Pain. I wore my harness/belt thingy for the walk which helped I think. I'm sore though!

Soooo, tomorrow I have a midwife appointment anytime from 3pm at home. Heather is coming over at 2.30pm so we can chat about what the appointment might hold. I am pretty sure I'll have a sweep at the appointment, but I'm not sure what else will come up. Neil will go to work, so I'm not looking forward to that, as it will be a hard and exhausting day with the boys and no lie-in (another reason to update now instead of LATE tonight!). They are being really difficult at the moment, but then I guess that's to be expected with all that's going on, and the fact that you could cut the tension in the air with a knife - everyone is so focused on the baby coming and he's just... NOT coming! We're not really making a thing of it in front of the boys, but we can't help that it's just out there anyway, and the boys are well aware that he "should" be here by now. Arthur is asking impatiently EVERY DAY if it's time for the doctors to give me the special medicine to make my tummy start to squeeze Samuel out yet! ;) He's bored of waiting, but if there's any sign that I might be going to have him that day (like Thursday morning) he behaves like he's not actually dealing with it all that well, even though he's eager as well. Poor boys! *sigh*

Well, I haven't got much else to report. The boys are down from the table and at least 2 or 3 are crying and hyper about something and I hear Neil trying to deal with it all, so I will go and help him! Back as soon as there's news. Or just the usual update tomorrow evening I suppose. The 20th. I never thought I'd get to the 20s! Come on Samuel, pleeeeease?!

40 weeks and 5 days...

Can't believe I'm still here counting the days since my due date! FIVE now!

Well, it's 10.50pm and I have absolutely no signs of labour yet again. Nothing at all to report through the day either. I did get pretty deflated at one point earlier in the day, and phoned Heather to update her around that time. We ended up having a long chat which was ever so helpful. She suggested that I should have a bit of a change of scenery, and also to try a few things to relax a bit. She said that Neil and I should watch a movie together tonight, just to relax and be distracted from baby-related stuff. And that I should drink a glass of red wine while we watched it! :) She also suggested that we have parsnips (haven't used that term in a while, so if you're new here and have no idea what I'm talking about - "parsnips" is my code word to stop gross googlers stopping by! ;) ), but neither of us have wanted to. We did watch a movie in bed together and drink a glass of red wine, and it was SUCH a nice relaxing evening! :) I also opened a big tin of Quality Street that I was going to save for Christmas, and that has been a nice treat as well! :)

Heather said that we should plan to go out somewhere tomorrow, as a family. Nothing too much, just a local walk where I can do a little bit of walking out in the fresh air, and the little ones can run about. We got 5 inches of snow today (not too common in the London area!) and it's not going to get above freezing over the next 48 hours, so it will all still be there to play in tomorrow. We're going to go to the park and have a change of scenery, since it's Sunday and Neil will be home. I should make sure I take a phone with me, just in case, but otherwise it's supposed to be a distraction and change in activity for me. I am just like a watched pot now - never boiling!!

I felt loads better after my chat with Heather, and told her so. She just said, "That's what doulas are for!" :) LOVE having a doula, and still so grateful to Michelle for talking me into getting one last pregnancy!

I have not bothered too much with checking for "signs" today. I haven't checked my cervix, and I'm not going to again either. I haven't checked for a show all day long, although the times I have been to the loo anyway have been rather disappointing in that department! But never mind. He'll come when he comes. If he doesn't come tomorrow, I am feeling so depressed about the prospect of Monday rolling round - 41 weeks exactly - and Neil going off to work again. The midwife will come round that day too. Heather is coming over at around 3pm (the midwife can turn up any time from 3pm after clinic finishes, but sometimes not until as late as 4pm) to be with me, and to see the boys, and I'm so looking forward to that moral support, and the break in the day having someone around. I know they will offer me a sweep on Monday, and I think now that I will accept it. They will also want to book me an appointment to be induced, and you know what? I think I will take that too. Heather was saying earlier that she thinks I would be much less stressed about waiting if it wasn't for Christmas being so close, and she's right. It's a pain having Christmas SO CLOSE and nothing happening! I do not want to be in hospital on Christmas Day or even Christmas Eve - I want to be at home with my little ones! If I am induced as early as 10 days past my due date, it will still be December 23rd and if it doesn't all kick off straight away, I may not have Heather with me for my birth. She is able to be with me up to and including December 23rd, and then not until the 27th (by which time I will have had the baby one way or another). If I DO give birth on the 23rd but bleed afterwards, or even don't bleed but they want to keep Samuel in to observe him re. the GBS, then I could easily find myself stuck in hospital late on Christmas Eve or even on Christmas Day. And I just DON'T. WANT. THAT. I will be so unhappy if I'm there on Christmas Day instead of at home with my children. For that reason I think I would want to be induced no later than December 22nd, which is Wednesday. Nine days past my due date. Not that far away. If it was any other time of year, I would probably be resisting induction even beyond the 12 days with the help of my doula. But Christmas really does throw a different spin on it for me, and makes things seem more complicated, and that changes how I am choosing to handle things.

I talked with Heather about it, and she was very supportive and understanding - her job is just to support me in my choices and she does it ever so well. She does not think I will need to be induced - she is sure the baby will come before then, and it seems statistically likely to me too, but in all other ways I am losing confidence, since just NOTHING is happening! Heather reminded me today that labour can start only a couple of hours down the line when you're feeling like it's never going to happen. Or a few days still. There's just no way to know, but it CAN happen.

Anyway. I have passed the 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 17th and now the 18th of December! Tomorrow is the 19th. Too many days have now gone by for me to keep on thinking each day, "Maybe the ____th will be Samuel's birthday?!" in excited anticipation. I am leaning more towards, "Tomorrow's the 19th.... I don't expect he'll have that day as a birthday either." But I certainly do hope he comes soon! I REALLY REALLY don't want to get into the 20s of December. Come on Samuel B. Bamuel (yes, he has daft nicknames already, poor child!) - Mummy is LONGING to hold you in her arms now! Please come out soon.

40 weeks and 4 days...

STILL here!! At the end of the day, 4 days after my due date!! No signs of labour yet. I confess I am beginning to get a little bit impatient! :S I know it's ONLY four days, but each day seems to feel like a week all by itself, it's crazy.

Sorry not to update yesterday, but (as Megan speculated!) I was too exhausted, and was up way too late anyway making frantic last-minute online Christmas purchases, so I just had no time left to update here.

Well, let's see. Yesterday morning I woke up at 6.15am when Neil brought Benjamin in to breastfeed (LATE for Benjamin, which is good! He is usually up by 5.30, urgh!). As I nursed him in my bed, I noticed a sweeping crampy sensation across the lower part of my bump, and in the small of my back. It grew and grew in intensity, but it didn't feel like a contraction as such, just crampiness. I put my hand on my tummy at one point and it did feel like it was pretty solid. Then it went away. About 5 minutes later, Benjamin was still nursing (he was dozing really!) and the sensation returned. This happened a couple more times over the next 10 minutes, and then nursing got too sore so I took Benji off and Neil took him downstairs. I told him that I had had some crampy contraction-type-things about every 5 minutes while I was feeding Benjamin. Then I tried to get some more sleep for the next 45 minutes before Neil had to leave for work. I could NOT sleep, even though I was sooooo tired, because I was eager for the sensations to BE something and could not seem to relax or stop wondering if another would come. I tried really hard to ignore it and think about sleeping instead, but it just wouldn't come. Every time I felt that crampiness coming back, I checked the clock, and it was pretty much every 5 minutes spot on. I got pretty excited about it, because it seemed like it was the start of something for sure! After 40 minutes I must have dozed off, and Neil left me 15 minutes longer than usual before waking me. When I woke up I felt vaguely crampy but did not get another "contraction" for a while. Neil asked if I had had any more since he took Benjamin down and I said yes, and that they'd come quite regularly. He decided to stay home from work, as it seemed to both of us that things were starting up at last!

I tried to get some rest and sleep some more, but again sleep would not come. There was too much excitement over it being TIME at last, and wondering how it would all go. I was not exactly looking forward to what lay ahead, but I was excited to finally be showing signs of the early stages of labour or at least some good pre-labour. I got up in the end and was disappointed not to find a show of any sort, but figured that might come later. I took a bath after a bit, but all the while I was aware that my crampy sensations weren't really happening. I just felt vaguely crampy in general, but no surges that I could time. So disappointing!!! By 10am it was obvious that nothing at all was happening, and Neil went to work around 10.30am because it just made sense for him to do so. I felt soooooooooo discouraged!

The rest of the day went okay. The boys were hard work, and I was really tired, but it was a shorter day with Neil having stayed home most of the morning already. I felt very quiet and neutral in my womb for the rest of the day. I phoned my doula in the afternoon and told her I was never going to give birth and hoped she had a lovely Christmas! ;) She was very reassuring, of course. I told her about the "episode" that morning and she was excited about it, and promised me that progress would have been made in that time, being on my 5th baby with him so low in my pelvis. She reminded me that once you've had many babies, things can seem to start and stop before they really get going, then once they DO get going it's very quick. I hope she's right!

She said that her children (they're 12 and 14) were both poorly with a fever/cough virus and that if she'd come out to me that day her husband would have missed his Christmas lunch at work to come home and look after them, so I was glad that it worked out in a way! I did find it worrying to think that Heather herself could end up ill before Samuel came. Today I phoned her again to ask if she was okay, and she said she's fine, and her kids seem all better today. She said she'd still come to the birth even if she was ill, unless I didn't want her around with a virus (which I seriously might not, but I'd have to weigh it up if that happened), but she doesn't expect to catch it, and feels fine.

After speaking to Heather yesterday I felt more upbeat, and made shiny paper chains with Arthur and Matthew and then did some cosy read-alouds (winter stories) to pass the rest of the afternoon, which they all loved! So the rest of the day went better, again with an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT for me - urgh, I so keep needing those! :S

I'm extremely uncomfortable at all times, so it's hard to just put it to the back of my mind and get on with normal stuff. My pelvis is so sore! I am getting some bad ligament pains at the sides of my bump now that it's getting so big and heavy, especially at night. It's so sore at night that I sit on the edge of the bed hugging my bump and feeling nauseous when I get a ligament pain. Nothing makes it go away till it eases off, and it's so intense! Samuel feels SO BIG in there, and the pressure of his weight and his hard little head so deep in my pelvis is really sore sometimes. I'm so thankful that he's not an agitated little person, and his movements are calm and not too vigorous. I remember crying when Matthew squirmed and kicked when I was in labour with him, because that boy was just SO VIGOROUS and strong (very understandable now we know him better, lol!) and his movements hurt me when he was this big and my womb was at full capacity.

Last night I was sitting up/reclined a bit in bed on the phone to my mum for a good while, and during that time I had quite frequent Braxton Hicks contractions which were ever so strong. I had had the odd strong BH during the evening after Neil got home, in fact from right about the time he got home, and they weren't painful but the pressure of the BH pressing Samuel's head down so hard was almost overwhelming. They distracted me from whatever I was doing for sure, but I could talk through them and they were not painful. My mum was excited and wondered if things might start in the night. I would have wondered the same a few days before, but I really was getting to the point where I didn't trust ANY signs to lead to anything.

Sooo this morning I woke up without crampiness or contractions. Again. Nothing did happen in the night after all. At 40 weeks and 4 days, ALL my babies had been born, except for Matthew at 40+7. I was still having the odd Braxton Hicks which was very intense but that's it really. I went to the loo and still had no show. *sigh* I just felt really despondent about it all, even though I knew that was silly. Neil took Benjamin downstairs and I went back to sleep. When I woke, it was nearly 10am!!! Neil told me he decided to take today off work on the basis that I kept on getting twinges and contractions here and there, and that it could kick off any time, and it made more sense for him to get the house cleaned up (it's in an AWFUL state after the week I've had!) in preparation for a home birth with midwives and Heather all over the house, etc. He said work were fine about it, and hoped he wouldn't need to go in on Monday after all this! Boy do I hope that doesn't have to happen....

So it was WONDERFUL to get a lie-in this morning, and then rest as much as I could during the day while Neil did most of the boy-related stuff. I was so grateful! It snowed late morning, heavy enough to leave about an inch in a short time, and the boys were so excited! Neil took them out onto the street in their sweet little snow outfits, and they built a snowman together, while I re-packed my hospital bag. I need a hospital bag packed in case I decide to go in (like if my waters break before labour starts - to get the IV antibiotics for the GBS) or if I need to be transferred to hospital at some point during my home birth. Also it's very handy to have EVERYTHING I need for labour and immediately postnatal - for Samuel as well as me - packed in one place for others to access as needed. It was so good to finally check that off the list! I had packed it earlier in the week but still had a few things to put in, and today I realised that I should take out the baby clothes that were in there because most of them were sized "tiny baby - up to 7.5lbs". I put the more generous of that size in, but I figure Samuel now won't fit ANYTHING in that size, generous or not! Although, come to think of it, I think Benjamin fitted one or two sleepsuits that were on the generous side in that size, in his first few days... And he was 8lbs 11oz! So maybe. I feel a bit sad packing away the EVER SO SWEET tiny baby clothes, knowing my baby has already outgrown them and I haven't even been able to hold or meet him yet! I put a coming-home outfit and some vests and sleepsuits in the hospital bag in size newborn (up to 10lbs). Those will be too big on him even if he's 9lbs (they always are on mine when they're that kind of weight) but the size below will probably be too small. And I packed the last few things that I hadn't got around to before. And yay! Hospital bag totally packed and ready! I still need to pack money and my birth notes, and a blanket for Samuel (which won't fit!) but that's all.

This morning I used a bit of my time resting in bed to get on the laptop and order the last few items that I wanted for the boys' Christmas presents. Cutting it fine now with the changing delivery dates with the bad weather coming, but that's why I HAD to get it done before Samuel arrives, otherwise we'd have to do without some of their presents at Christmas! PHEW though, I got it done! :) Heather asked me on the phone if I've been stressing at all about anything that needs preparing for Christmas, and I said yes. I really have needed to get the presents purchased (online) before Samuel's arrival, because anything I didn't get done would stay undone. And I really only got working on that properly after my due date. Also Christmas cards - I bought some this year instead of making them with the boys, but STILL haven't written them! I have made the decision to let them go this year (again!) and maybe send out a belated Christmas card or New Year's card with a birth announcement in January. That feels better, to have settled on that! The only other thing was to get the Christmas cakes that I made in October, marzipanned. They are supposed to have marzipan on them 3 weeks before Christmas so as to dry out in time for the royal icing to go on a few days before Christmas. But I have just not been getting around to it! It has been on my "to-do" list, marked urgent, and has been really bugging me. So when Heather asked the question, I wondered if I needed to just work on tying up all the loose ends and hopefully then I could relax more and go into labour. I have done the marzipan tonight! I wanted to bake brownies as well but I was tired after doing the cakes so I didn't get around to that. But I'm SO so glad to have done those Christmas cakes at last! :)

Heather told me that she was sure I was making progress more than I realised, with all these pressurey BHs and the odd painful crampy sensation, and the little teensy bits of mucus plug (I had a little more late morning today - same kind of time as the other days for some weird reason, and then no more since!). She said if it might reassure or encourage me, I could always check my own cervix to see. I wondered if that might be a bad idea, though I have checked my cervix PLENTY in the past. I checked it a couple of times in the weeks before my waters broke with Nathan, and wondered if I'd caused him to come early, so I hadn't ever checked my cervix during pregnancy since. She said that if I DID cause my waters to break (which would be very unlikely) then would it really matter at this stage? Well, no! So I took a bath this afternoon and checked, but urgh I was really discouraged (again!) because I could not even reach it! That's not a great sign, because the cervix comes down and forward for labour. I tried again this evening and I think I could feel the edge of it. Whatever I felt was extremely soft, so I guess it could have been my cervix or maybe a bulging bag of waters? I don't know, I could hardly reach to feel whatever-it-was at all. I wished I hadn't tried because I felt so disappointed about it for some (hormonal?!) reason - I felt quite upset about it. Anyway. I phoned my mum and now I'm updating here. I feel okay. I know Samuel will arrive in the end, and at the right time! I just hope it's SOOOOON!!!

Since I first checked my cervix after my bath this afternoon, I have been increasingly aware of sharp pain in that kind of area, which reminds me of the sharp pain I was getting after my membrane sweep with Matthew at 41 weeks, the day before he was born. The midwife told me back then that I would likely feel some cervical pain or discomfort because it had been "irritated", and I did. So maybe I did feel my cervix after all, enough to annoy it a bit? I haven't had any sort of a show since checking, but I'm getting strong Braxton Hicks that are very random and variable in how often they come. When I'm semi-reclining in bed, they come much more frequently because my womb just doesn't seem to like that position in general. Samuel doesn't either, and squirms and moves about if I lie like that, until my womb gets annoyed and I get a strong BH from his movements. I noticed that tonight when I was on the phone to my mum (we have eveningly conversations about the latest progress or lack thereof!) and sitting in that position in bed, he was turning his head from side to side and sort of grinding about with it, and the sharp pain took my breath away and I couldn't talk to my mum while he was doing it, except to say, "Oooh, OW! He's moving his head! OW! Oooh!" etc, hehe! It was like a sharp poker in the unmentionables, and I recognised it as the same kind of "irritated cervix" pain that I had experienced after my sweep with Matthew. If it has helped enough to get things started tonight I will be so glad! :) But I'm not expecting anything to happen.

My lovely midwife, Mandi, is on her night shift tonight (she only works 2 days a week) and we thought that perhaps I had not gone into labour yet because I was subconsciously holding out for Mandi. Weeks ago Heather and I did actually PRAY that we'd get Mandi or Wendy for my birth, because I have met the other midwives on the team and I just don't click with any of them. But I LOVE Mandi (who delivered Benjamin) and Wendy (who stitched me up afterwards!) - they are wonderful, calm, quiet midwives with tons of experience. The others are all too chatty and opinionated, although nice, and tend to cut in on my labour experience with bustling about and so on. Or those I haven't had during labour but I've met since, I feel would not be a calming influence on me during labour. So, when Mandi came on Monday I knew she would be on a night shift on Friday, and hoped (totally believed!) that I would have had the baby by then. She fully expected me to have had him by then too. But here I am, and Mandi is on her shift, and NOTHING is happening, and I'm going to miss having her at my birth! :( So sad about that. I don't know when Wendy is on duty but she only does something like a day or two per week - she's very part-time like Mandi is.

Anyway. If I am STILL not in labour by Monday (urgh, what a thought!) then I will be 41 weeks, and will have a 41-week midwife appointment. Heather said there will be much murmuring about induction and sweeps and so on, and that she would be happy to come over for the appointment for moral support. I'm SO glad to hear that, as I would really appreciate her presence! She said that they likely wouldn't induce me until 40 weeks and 12 days anyway, and I would surely have Samuel by then, but even if I did get that far it wasn't the end of the world. I reminded her that 40 weeks plus 12 days would be CHRISTMAS DAY, and I did not want to be giving birth at Christmas itself! The idea of a Christmas baby just does not thrill me at all - I would really like as much time as possible between Samuel's birthday and Christmas, even just for future years so he can have a birthday that is totally separate to Christmas itself. That means a lot to me for some reason. Also I won't have a doula if I give birth on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or Boxing Day! Which just won't do at all, for me. Especially not with my risk factors. I really feel I NEED Heather there. So I told her this, and she asked, "You'd rather be induced?" and I said, "Well... yes." She said that it would probably only take a little bit of pessary gel anyway to get it all going, but that we didn't need to go thinking about stuff like that yet because I would MUCH more likely be having Samuel sooner than next week.

Anyway, so this is where I'm at! Nearly 5 days past my due date, and no signs of labour yet. So very sore and uncomfy, and with strong Braxton Hicks, but nothing else. All my loose ends are pretty much tied up as of today though, and Neil went out this morning once I was up, and bought the angle-poise lamp and small box heater that they asked us to provide for the homebirth. And a new toilet seat! Ours has a broken hinge. So THAT'S a big thing checked off the list as well. He was also busy making phone calls to car dealerships about an even BIGGER vehicle for our family, hehe! I can't believe the size of the thing we need to buy - will have to write about it at the main blog sometime - but we have actually outgrown our Citroen C8 7-seater, even though there will be 7 of us. The back row is not accessible enough for me to be comfortable with little ones in there, as there are carseats permanently fitted to all the middle row seats so they can't fold forward to allow access to the back row. Anyway, bigger vehicle! I hope we can afford one, because until we do, we can't go anywhere as a family once Samuel is here. There aren't enough working seats in our vehicle to accommodate us (one of the back ones has a broken runner so we don't use it).

I'm getting into waffle mode (mmmm, waffles....) so I had better stop before it gets late! I will update tomorrow with any news! Thanks for the support and cheerleading while I wait! It makes it MUCH more bearable! :)

40 weeks and 2 days...

Still here! :)

It feels like forever since my due date, and I can hardly believe it's only 2 days ago! I am also kind of surprised to be sitting here at almost midnight (naughty!) on December 15th, with no baby and still NO signs of impending labour!!! I am not sure what to expect now!

Tomorrow is a date I like! :) December the 16th just sounds pretty to me (I've liked that date for ages since a good friend of mine from primary school has a birthday that day). Even numbered dates feel "nice" to me for some weird reason, lol! I like it MUCH better than the 14th or 18th. In France they have "fete" days based on people's names. My fete day is December 16th. On people's fete days they give gifts - I am hoping for a SPECIAL present tomorrow on my French fete day! :) I can't believe it will be THURSDAY already tomorrow, and almost the end of the week! On the plus side, that means I've nearly made it through a week with Neil at work! And hopefully I will not be too burnt out by the end of it and then go into labour right at the peak of my burn-out!

The boys watched The Tigger Movie AGAIN this morning. We really have hardly any DVDs - most of their old ones got too scratched and we hadn't replaced them. They wanted to see it though, so it was okay. But I'm almost out of things for them to watch already! :S I used the time to doze in and out on the sofa on my side. I did feel better for it today! They were VERY difficult behaviour-wise this afternoon, which was not fun, but I think I just mainly need an attitude adjustment. If I get the "oh well, let's just get on with the day as though I'm not expecting a baby!" mindset, things go more smoothly and I perk up and have energy I wasn't aware of, enough to make meals and so on with cheerfulness.

I've had the same tiny bit of mucus plug late morning again, just like yesterday, but nothing since. Having pretty strong Braxton Hicks this evening, and Samuel is squirming away in there which makes the pressure almost overwhelming. It almost feels like he's going to PRESS his way out with his head, the way he's moving! But no labour yet, no contractions or even crampiness as such. No change. Hopefully it won't be much longer! Samuel has had hiccups quite a few times today, mostly during the evening when he has been pretty active. He's wiggling and pressing away as I type this, and I'm so tired now so I really must go to bed. I'll update again tomorrow no doubt, even if it's like this - to say there's no news again!

40 weeks and 1 day...

Just wanted to touch base really, here. I need to go to bed. I am just so exhausted today that it's not funny. I have had to do so much lying on the floor or sofa and dozing while the boys run riot around me today. I feel so tired right now that I feel nauseous. That's why I am GOING TO BED! Right now! But I wanted to update first to day that there's no news.

I have to say I was a bit bummed about it earlier today because it's the 14th, and ALL my children have been born between the 9th and 14th of the month, as I have been banging on about for ages! ;) So, Samuel is not going to be squished into the mould his mummy is trying to fit him into, hehe! I do hope he comes soon though. It has now been 3 full weeks that I have not managed well physically from Tuesday onwards - just exhaustion-wise really - and it's Wednesday tomorrow. I desperately need to sleep half the day tomorrow but unless I have signs of impending labour enough for Neil to stay home, I know that won't happen. Night sleep is nice, but I just don't have enough energy to make it through the day all the same! So tired.

Late morning today, I did notice a LITTLE bit of mucus plug when I wiped after going to the loo. Too little an amount to get excited about though, and not a show or anything. Nothing since, though I've been checking like a crazy woman all day long!

The pressure I am feeling in my groin and almost in my buttocks really, is overwhelming at times. He just feels so HEAVY in there, and it's a rather unnerving sensation to walk about with that kind of weighty pressure. It's uncomfy! And my hip pain is still there but staying that bit more manageable which is good. He is definitely low down now! I have had some sore tightness in the small of my back and occasionally the front of my bump low down, but not all the time, or in contracting waves or anything. Quite a few strong BH contractions though, and some of those were distracting enough with their overwhelming tightness to make me have to stop what I was doing. But not painful at all.

This evening I have no particular signs or symptoms. I'm just worn right out and tired to the bone. I'm so hoping for a deep restful sleep, but I do not think I have left myself enough hours to refresh myself! I found my birth plan (exactly the same as Benjamin's one that Heather had me do last time) on the computer and checked it over, and then phoned my mum for a chat, and wrapped a LOT of Christmas presents which arrived from Amazon and eBay and so on today. My mum sends everything here for the boys from Amazon, since she's in France, and I love wrapping presents so I always tell her not to gift wrap them! Stuff that I've been buying for the boys is also on its way this week, so I am just getting everything wrapped as it arrives. I had a lot of wrapping to do tonight and did finish it, but it left me feeling just nauseous and exhausted, so I am going to bed!

Onto December 15th tomorrow then, and 2 days past my due date. Surely it can't be long now?! He's engaged and Heather said that a 5th baby who is engaged will not likely hang around there for long (just like the midwife said). I wonder if I'll go into labour tomorrow? We'll see. I will update when I have news of any sort! :)

Any more guesses for the date/time/weight of Samuel's arrival? Mine is already wrong, lol! I guessed this evening but oh well. I hope he comes soon. At the same time as hoping I can just blink really hard and have him here in my arms without having to go through labour and the whole scary placenta issue. Going to pray through my prayer lists now, and then sleep. Night night!

40 weeks pregnant at last!! :)

Well here I am on my due date - well at the end of it actually, since it's 11.30pm! It's always so surreal to get to The Due Date, because it's the one single date on the calendar in the whoooole year that has so much anticipation and excitement, and it's the best part of a year away when you start focusing on it. Slowly, sloowwwwly it gets nearer, and finally - impossibly - you're there! December the 13th is here, TODAY! Another thing to add to the list of totally surreal things I have going, hehe!

So I am not in labour, or pre-labour, or pre-pre-labour, or anything remotely exciting like that! ;) I am uncomfortable and tired, but on the whole really not too bad considering how I've been for the last couple of weeks and the fact that it's Monday so Neil has been at work all day. On the other hand, it's MONDAY so I am better rested than I will be for the rest of the week, having just had a weekend! I hope Samuel decides to come soon because MUCH as I am currently really really reeeeeally not wanting to go through the process of labour and birth, I know it has to happen soon and I would really like to get it over and done with, and not get too exhausted in the run-up to it ideally!

Today has been slow and probably a bit too boring for the boys, but I am trying my best to take it as easy and simple as possible with the days when Neil isn't home. When Benjamin took his nap (for almost THREE HOURS today!!!!) I set the boys up in the kitchen with a DVD (The Tigger Movie), since that's where our TV is these days. We never ever watch TV. The cable stopped working a few months ago and we never got it fixed - but even so it was only Neil watching TV. I never watched it at all (and did not miss it one bit), and we stopped TV for the boys at the end of February - nearly 10 months ago!! :) They have watched TV approximately 3 times since then, while I have cut their hair at the kitchen table. So when they're allowed to watch a DVD they are excited and very focused on what they're watching for the whole time it's on. It's a real treat for them, and I knew it would be a good thing to pull out in the week of my due date! The movie (and extras) was an hour or two long and the house was soooooooo nice and quiet while Benjamin napped, Disney-ish sounds rose and fell from the kitchen and little-boy laughter rang out regularly. I think it made a big difference to how manageable the whole day felt to me. In that time I put my feet up for a short while and checked email and stuff online, and then sat down in the living room and folded a mountain of laundry in the relative quiet. The boys had already tidied the living room completely with the reward of the DVD to anticipate, so the house just felt NICE to be in, even in the middle of the morning! :)

In the afternoon I had a midwife appointment at home for my 40-week check. I was so happy that the midwife was Mandi, who delivered Benjamin! :) I hadn't seen her since, and it was lovely to see her again. She seemed to enjoy seeing Benjamin and couldn't believe how big he was - she recalled a lot of things about his birth. She was amused to hear that I was expecting another boy! ;) The appointment went fine - my blood pressure was 120/72 or something like that, which is nice and normal, though a little higher than my usual. I'd rather it was though, because the lower blood pressure I've been having has made me feel really exhausted. I wonder if my energy was better today with a little extra oomph in my blood vessels?! ;) I didn't have a urine sample but she had forgotten to bring sample pots so we didn't do a urine test today.

It hurt my pelvis a LOT to lie down flat for her to check Samuel, but it didn't take too long. She said he's low down and asked if I'd felt that he'd dropped. Last night I said to Neil that I wondered if Samuel might have dropped a little, for several reasons. One, I was SURE that when I looked at my profile in the full length mirror, I was SMALLER and neater-looking in the bump department than I had been just a day or so before. All through 39 weeks I kept looking in the mirror and thinking, "I really MUST take another picture for the belly gallery!" because I looked HUGE. Huuuuuuuuge. Just sticking out (waaaaaaay out) huge. I had no room under my bra-line - the bump started right there and just went out sooo far! I regret not having taken a photo (I just kept thinking that I'd be taking one in a few days for 40 weeks anyway), because now I look different. Quite a lot different, I think. Another reason for wondering was that although I still have pelvic pain in the same way, something has been different about it for a day or two - I can't even put my finger on it. I brushed it off as just "getting used to it" or something, but I do think I am in less intense pain even though the same pain is there. I know that doesn't make much sense! I seem to be in less trouble doing the things that caused me the most trouble, like getting up and starting to walk, etc. That still causes me a lot of pain and it's hard to do, but there's definitely something not-quite-so-bad that I can't put my finger on about it suddenly. Anyway, that got me wondering out loud to Neil last night. And the other thing is that yesterday I was chatting to Neil about something and casually folded my arms across the top of my bump, and was surprised to discover that there was quite a lot of room for me to do that without squishing my breasts! I could fold my arms UNDER them and still have them resting on top of the bump. That space was not there before. I was FULL. RIGHT. UP. with baby only a couple of days ago. So I wondered to Neil about it. He said he couldn't really tell, but maybe.

So I was happy to hear that I wasn't going crazy, hehe! Samuel is almost engaged - only 2/5 (or maaayyybe 3/5) of his head was palpable above my pubic bone, according to Mandi. When she measured my bump (which has been spot on for dates all along), I measured 38 weeks! :) Yay, he has definitely dropped! I'm also relieved that it hasn't caused my pelvic pain to worsen, which I presumed it would. I mentioned that his movements have slowed down considerably, and she asked if he was still moving at least 10 times a day. He definitely is, so that's reassuring. He seems to barely move at all compared with how he used to wiggle and kick about in there! I know it's because he just has nooooo room left at all now. He shrugs his shoulders and does slight twisting movements with his whole body. Occasionally I feel a knee or elbow or foot push out slightly, but there really isn't much leverage for him to really extend a limb and make much impact on me. From how I'm feeling his movements, he seems almost completely restricted with lack of space - I'm thinking that's got to feel a bit claustrophobic for him?! But I guess that's where the whole thing with him giving off the hormone that kick-starts labour comes in. Once it's more stressful for him in there he will want out, and I am thinking SURELY he is squished enough to want out now?! I'm sure others of my babies were less restricted than Samuel seems to be at this stage. Maybe he's bigger? :S But Mandi said he feels a "normal" size, and that often a big bump with a 5th pregnancy is more an indication of muscles (or lack thereof, haha!) than a bigger baby. We'll see!

Rebecca reminded me on Facebook about guesses! I forgot to ask - anyone want to guess his birth date, time and weight?! I am guessing December 14th (tomorrow!), just because it's the last day in my 9th-14th window and I'll be dumbstruck if the 14th goes by with no baby! Never happened before! But it's TOMORROW so I'm not sure... Anyway, let's say 8.45pm and 8lbs 9oz. That's my vague guess and I promise I have no inside information - I am clueless about when this little boy will arrive or what he'll be like! I can't wait to meet him! :)

Mandi does not think it will be more than 2 or 3 days before he's born. I think she's basing that on the fact that he's dropped a bit (I know it doesn't mean much though), and things TEND to naturally start within a couple of days of my due date. Arthur's labour started 2 days after (but was long and so he wasn't born till 4 days after). Matthew was a week after, but I truly believe that it was down to a horrible heatwave we had the week he was due. As soon as it cooled off he was born. Heather tells me she's sure it's to do with the heat and me not dealing with heat well, that my body waited longer than it usually might. Nathan obviously came early, but not because my body did it naturally. Benjamin was the day after his due date. So I am thinking soon, but it's weird to just have no signs of labour and still think like that!

I remember with Benjamin, Neil took my 40-week belly picture on my due date, before we went to bed for the night - exactly this time last pregnancy. NOTHING was happening. I slept well, and then woke the next morning with a very very strong sense of calm in my womb - nothing happening. Such a strong feeling it was as I lay there before getting out of bed. I just thought, "Hey ho, never mind." and got up and went to the loo, and was so surprised to see a show! Contractions did not start until lunchtime, but he was born at 7.30pm. I remember how surreal it felt to have him in my arms and remember the night before when I looked at the belly picture - how TOTALLY NOTHING was happening and I would never have imagined I'd be holding him by that same time the next day! :) So it's possible that I could be updating this time tomorrow with Samuel snuggled up to me in the bed (I'm in bed right now)! But we'll just have to see.

I have felt very uncomfortable with low pressure and mild crampiness today. Nothing like Friday though. As the day went on I felt tighter and tighter in the small of my back and under my bump at the front, just sore and uncomfy, and that led to a crampy sort of feel, but that's it really. I've been sitting in bed most of the evening with my laptop and really don't feel crampy much at all, just very heavy and pressurey and uncomfy when I stand upright and walk about. The small of my back hurts but not too bad. I have had the usual Braxton Hicks today, perhaps more this evening than usual but still not out of the ordinary. They feel very tight when I get them, but then they generally do.

Neil took a photo of me this evening to put in the belly gallery for 40 weeks - yay! I'm so glad to have taken a picture on my due date - I always like to make sure I get one on that special day! I am facing the other way this time, but I don't think there's much difference from the 37 week picture, because of how he has dropped. I wish I had a 39 week picture. Boy would you see the difference if I did!

I'm anxious and insecure about the upcoming labour and birth. I am trying to stay on top of it by praying and reading out the Scriptures that Heather has had me put up on my wall again, just like I did with Benjamin before he was born. We finished the baby preparations yesterday (Sunday) and that feels GREAT to have accomplished! My room is now ready for Samuel, and also ready to give birth in if that's where it happens. There's no clutter at all (gasp!), nothing in the way, though it is a very small room. I put a new bedside crib together for Samuel yesterday (FUN project for me!) and put freshly washed sheets on it all ready for him. We haven't used a crib before, but this room is too small for the Amby hammock, and Benjamin still needs the cot, so rather than buy another cot, we went for a crib to last a few months until maybe Benjamin will be ready to move into a toddler bed. We do have a Moses Basket but they never last very long for my babies. I think if I swaddle Samuel (we'll see if that works for this baby - it hasn't for some of my others!) he will last longer in it because he won't be whacking the sides with his arms all the time. It is a simple little pine crib, nothing fancy, it doesn't swing or rock. I just wanted something simple and sturdy, and now it's set up at the foot of my bed. Once he's here, I will put it at the side of my bed but if it was there now, it would probably get in the way of the midwives and Heather being able to get near enough to me if I am labouring in here.

Once the room was cleared at last, and Samuel's crib, my hospital bag, and big box of homebirth/postnatal stuff at the foot of the bed, I felt so much better about the space, but something still left me feeling weird and vulnerable in here. The walls felt too bare or something. I kept a Christian wall calendar that we had in 2004 because each page had a 12x12in photo of some BEAUTIFUL scene of nature with a Bible verse on it. Some of those photos were just breathtaking. I got it out and cut out my six favourites, and put them on the wall next to my bed (partly to cover the six sets of holes/wall plugs from the shelves that used to live there! That looked so ugly before!). In between them I put the printed and laminated prayers and Bible verses that I pray through each day about Samuel, and about my labour and birth to come (based on the ones in the book 'Supernatural Childbirth'). Now the room feel more calming to me now. I still have some anxiety and feel insecure over nothing I can put my finger on, but I guess a big hurdle is coming up for me, and I know it. I am not good with "the unknown", and tend to like to be in control of everything! This is good practice for me, at letting God be in control instead! But it's not easy. I still have no idea what will happen during labour or afterwards, or whether I'll be at home or in hospital. Mandi said that we should consider moving our Christmas tree (which is in the wide corner of the stairs - the only place to fit one in our tiny house, and with the added bonus of being behind a kiddie gate so the boys can't tamper with it!) in case I need to be "stretchered down the stairs" as it might get in the way if that happens. Which threw me straight back into mental hyperventilation and panic about the possibility. It's SO HARD to stay on top of the anxiety over it all, ongoingly! I will be so very relieved to get the birth over and done with, just so that I don't have to wait in anxious anticipation any longer - what's done is done, however it turns out. I so don't want to go through it right now, but it will be wonderful to be on the other side, with the unknown having become known, and my sweet tiny in my arms at last.

Well, I will update again soon - tomorrow hopefully, with the day's news or lack thereof! I have another appointment scheduled for 41 weeks next Monday, but Mandi does not expect me to need it (nor do I). Sadly she isn't working again until Friday night, so I probably won't get her again this time :( I am not keen to "wait" until Friday night to have Samuel! That would be a very long and exhausting week, and I'd arrive at the hard bit utterly spent from the week! :S I hope he comes soon!

39 weeks, 4 days (quick update)

Just a quick update about today - I know I only posted yesterday!!!! Gasp! ;) But I wrote how the idea of going into labour any time soon was totally surreal and I couldn't imagine it. No signs whatsoever.

Today (Friday) Neil has been at work and I've done the usual stuff with the boys (trying to get through the day basically!). Our internet connection was down from 9am to 4.30pm - so infuriating when I wanted to update earlier!!! I hope that doesn't happen repeatedly over the next few days because it could really mess up my plan to keep my online friends posted as things occur! Tsk!

Around 2pm or a bit later, I suddenly noticed I was feeling crampy. I lay down on the sofa on my side just for a few minutes to rest my pelvis as it was hurting, and the boys were (all four!) building the wooden railway track on the floor and running trains around it, WITHOUT fighting for a bit, so it was the perfect time to put my feet up! While I was lying there I became aware of feeling crampy like before a period, which was a very odd sensation because I really haven't had that kind of discomfort since, well, when I last had a period - or probably the early weeks of pregnancy around implantation time or something. So it caught my attention, and I immediately thought, "Ohhhh!", wondering if it could be a pre-labourish thing! It got worse quite quickly lying there, so I sat up again, but it didn't go away at all for the next couple of hours. It was bothersome front and back low down, and was bad enough to distract me a lot. After an hour I started to go to the loo and check for a show now and then because I just felt so crampy and I began to be paranoid that I could feel "something", but there was never any sort of a show at all when I checked.

After an hour of it, I also began to feel rather hot and irritable. My face got very flushed and wouldn't cool off, and I became more and more distracted and unable to deal with sounds and activity around me. I was VERY tired because it's Friday and I'm so not up to dealing with a normal week these days! So perhaps it was just tiredness? Anyway, it does also remind me of early labour, finding it hard to deal with distractions or stimuli of any sort, and the flushed thing too. I wasn't having any contractions of any sort though. The occasional Braxton Hicks behind the crampiness, but nothing else. I phoned Neil at 2.30pm to ask if he was coming home early today (his work is great and usually lets them home at 4pm on a Friday if their work is done! I LOVE this!), and he said he would be leaving at 4pm. I told him I was really crampy, just so he was aware.

By the time he got home at 5.15pm, I was feeling pretty unwell. I just felt hot and just NOT well, and could hardly bear the noise and antics around me with the boys. I also still felt very crampy, and had some sharpish pressure in my groin no matter how I positioned myself. I had started to feel queasy, which was getting worse by then too. I just couldn't concentrate on anything the boys said to me, and wanted to escape to lie down in the quiet upstairs for a bit. I admit I did feel very suspicious by then that I might be starting some sort of pre-labour-ish-ness, but still wasn't actually contracting and hadn't had a show of any sort. I also had that "if only I could poo I would probably feel lots better" feeling, hmmm...

When Neil got in, he made a quick beans on toast for the boys' tea, as I hadn't been able to sort myself out to do anything yet :S I felt yuckier and yuckier as he did that, and when they all went into the kitchen to eat, I went up to bed. I lay on my side feeling yucky and nauseous and crampy, and honestly kind of anxious about the prospect of labour ahead when I was already tired on a Friday evening! :S Neil was great - he got the boys ready for bed, dealt with a zillion discipline issues (they were HARD work this evening, more so than usual even), and then Arthur came upstairs and saw me lying in my bed and looked so worried. He asked what was wrong, and I said I was fine, but I just felt a bit tired and poorly and wanted a bit of a lie down. He seemed worried but I tried to reassure him. Neil started to put the boys to bed but it was not going well with the way they were behaving, and Benjamin was crying, so I got myself up and went in to help in my normal way. I breastfed Benjamin and rocked him and sang to him as usual, and that was reassuring for them I think. Benjamin did hold my face and look into my eyes while I was singing to him, in a way that reminded me ever so much of Arthur when I was breastfeeding him at bedtime while in labour with Matthew. He also clung tightly to my neck in a rather anxious-feeling hug before I put him in his cot, which is unlike him.

ALL the boys have been unusually highly strung today. They've been acting like very VERY over-tired children, which is all I put it down to, and perhaps that's all it is, but now I wonder? Arthur and Matthew have had numerous tearful meltdowns over things like someone putting a single Duplo brick in the wrong place and stuff like that (and then the Duplo misplacer responded by bursting into tears and sobbing due to the "unkind accusation"!!! Goodness!). They've wanted more cuddles than usual, and just seem very sensitive and easily upset by each other. Which does happen, but it's not often, and very very rarely more than one or two children on the same day. Nathan has that kind of behaviour more than anyone else because he IS tired - he doesn't nap any more but really still needs to. So he is prone to tired, over-sensitive meltdowns, but not Arthur and Matthew. I am wondering if there's a little something in the air to do with impending labour or something? I'm sure I've had little ones acting this way in the run-up to labour in the past...

After I put Benjamin in his cot, Arthur started to cry and wanted to talk to me somewhere private, so I took him out of the bedroom. He told me (chin wobbling, bless his sweet little heart!) that he was feeling sad because I was poorly, and I hugged him and told him again that I was absolutely fine - NOT poorly, just very tired and just a little bit queasy, that's all. I told him I was going to use my evening to rest up so that I felt better, and he should not worry about it at all. He seemed reassured and went to bed after that. Once they were all quiet I started to feel less physically overwhelmed and queasy, but I went and lay in bed all the same. While I had been lying in bed before they went to bed earlier (around 6pm), I had become aware of the continous crampiness being a little bit wave-like. It never went away, but sometimes it seemed more intense for a bit. I began to glance at the clock whenever I felt like the crampiness was extra bothersome, and noticed over about 30 minutes that I was glancing at the clock at roughly 5-minute intervals. Hmmm, again! I still wouldn't call them contractions at all though. Anyway, they weren't there when I went back to lay down after the boys were in bed.

Neil decided to get pizza, and at the time I didn't know if I could stomach it, but when he arrived home I found that I had an appetite and ate well. I felt SO much better for eating, and also for going to the toilet. I had some lovely COLD cold water and a COLD apple from the fridge and those never tasted so good in my life before! I felt much much better when I went back to bed to lie down after all that. I still am aware of a mildly crampy feeling like last night, but nothing as bad as this afternoon/early evening. I'm tired and my body is longing for some GOOD sustained rest - how thankful I am that it's FRIDAY and thus the weekend!!! Yay! What wonderful timing!!! I know my lovely husband will let me sleep and rest all I need to over the weekend and that is JUST what I need at this stage. I'm so longing for that lie-in tomorrow morning, and hopefully I will sleep well tonight and labour won't start or anything! I could really use some sleep and rest in preparation for labour. Plus this weekend is just what we need to tie up those loose ends of things that aren't QUITE ready yet. I am slightly dreading the thought of Monday rolling round (and 40 weeks therefore!), and nothing happening still, and having to wave Neil off to work again! Each week is harder than the previous one at this stage of pregnancy, and I seem to recall it gets a WHOLE lot harder from 40 weeks onwards. Forty-one weeks is a whooooole 'nother ballgame but I am truly hoping not to get to that stage this time!

So that is my update for today. No 9th-of-the-month baby this time, nor the 10th. I wonder what the 11th and 12th will hold for us?! Or if he'll wait till 40 weeks plus, from the 13th onwards? If I haven't had a baby by the end of the 14th it will feel very strange! I have a lot of confidence in "my window"! I can't believe how close I am to giving birth, either way. And yes, today it is feeling a LOT less surreal, and a LOT more realistic and imminent! ;)

Thanks so much for the comments, and on my belly gallery too! :) I'll update again very soon!

39 weeks, 3 days - sooooo nearly there!!!

I just can't believe I am THIS close to the end of my pregnancy! Only four DAYS to go until my due date is finally here! Amazing. Thanks so much again for the various reminders to update - I am always meaning or wanting to, but it gives that added impetus when people comment and ask! :)

I feel so behind! And really really do not want to stay up writing a blog entry tonight, even with how much I want to make a record of my pregnancy while I'm still pregnant! I'm so tired, and barely (or even NOT really) keeping up with just basics through the day with the boys at the moment, with Neil out at work 11-12 hours on the weekdays. This is the 3rd week running where I've done okay on Monday (done a bit of housework and laundry, a LOT of read-alouds and the odd activity with the boys, and meals/nappies, etc on time), slightly less so on Tuesday (no housework, less laundry, and just lots of boy-related stuff), and then Wednesday-Friday I have literally dozed in and out on the living room floor for at least 2 hours during the mornings - I just can NOT keep my eyes open. If I try, they roll around in my head sometimes even when I'm trying to keep them focused! I just can't put into words how TIRED I am, and physically DONE by the end of Tuesday. I feel like I need a weekend every week by Wednesday, since 37 weeks! Of course there's nothing to be done about that, and I can never take naps no matter how tired I get because I have 3 small children who don't take naps or have a quiet time, so it's impossible. This Wednesday though, I felt SO bad because I took Benjamin upstairs for his nap at the usual time (about 10am) and FELL ASLEEP breastfeeding him!!!! I woke up at 11am with Arthur coming in to tell me there was a postman knocking at the door! I couldn't believe it, and I felt so bad because honestly those little boys downstairs are only 6, 4 and 2 and NEED watching! I can be upstairs for 20 minutes settling Benjamin if I need to, but CONSCIOUS is the important thing, so I can hear if anything is up downstairs! :S Also I woke Benjamin getting up and he therefore had a much shorter nap than usual and was tired, so it was just not good all round! *sigh*

So I really want to be going to bed about now. I'm still crunching mint imperials though so I guess I'm good for a while! ;) LOVE mint imperials again this pregnancy - I have crunched through bags and bags of them these last 6 weeks or so. My main cravings over the last few weeks have been chemical in nature (again). LOVING the usual end-of-pregnancy toothpaste thing. Brushing my teeth is sooooooooooooo wonderful, just like it was at the end of Nathan and Benjamin's pregnancies. Mmmm! ;) And that new book smell - always lovely, but now quite mouth-watering! I love musky or even sour "clean" smells, like pine floor cleaner (wonderous!) but my main fix is Radox original herbal bubble bath. I know with at least one of the other boys I wanted to drink the bath water when I ran the boys' baths with Johnson's baby bath. This time it's Radox. Oh my goodness! I uncap the bottle and draw in deeeeep sniffs of it many times a day as I pass the bathroom, or when I'm in there - I feel like a secret addict, hehe! My mouth waters when I think of the stuff and I genuinely would LOVE to drink it diluted. I know that's probably down to some mineral or vitamin deficiency (my iron is really good as of 34 weeks, as it always is when I'm pregnant) but I have no idea what, so I guess I just plod on until the baby is born! I haven't been taking my prenatal vitamin/mineral supplement for a while though, so I started that a few days ago again. I wonder if today I do not feel QUITE so drawn to the Radox as usual, but I'm not sure.

I am sleeping better since Benjamin moved into the boys' bedroom a couple of weeks ago. I do need the fan on low for background noise to help my night go better, because otherwise even with my door shut I still wake up to all his little peeps and stirrings, even down the hall! I'm so tuned into him and also sleeping pretty lightly now. I need to get up to go to the toilet at least twice a night anyway, but since I put a bit of white noise on, I am getting better sleep. Crazy how tired I still am though! Neil is getting WORSE sleep than he's been used to for a while, as I've done the first 16 months of Benjamin's life on my own, while he has covered any of the older boys' wakings (unless they're ill, having a nightmare, or asking for me - then obviously I go in). Benjamin still wakes LOADS at night on average, so Neil is pretty disturbed in there. Thankfully the other boys aren't disturbed by him much. He wakes for the day between 5 and 5.30am at the moment too, which is horrendous! Neil brings him in to me around 5.30 when he can't keep him quiet in his cot any longer in case he wakes the boys, and I breastfeed him and then Neil takes him downstairs while he gets ready for work. I go back to sleep until 7am when Neil needs me to get up so he can finish getting ready and go to work. I'm SO BLESSED that he's so willing and helpful! I don't know how I'd manage otherwise, with all of Benjamin's wakefulness. He has been waking or stirring at least hourly all night for a week or so, which is about the worst it gets. Good nights are one or two wakings, and once since he moved into that bedroom he actually slept through the night (I think that was a first?), so it's just really variable. He did cut a second molar yesterday but who knows whether that was responsible for ALL the trouble.

Anyway! So I am thankful that he's in with the boys and I am relieved of the responsibility of resettling him a million times a night when I'm this pregnant and exhausted! I know it will get a lot more intense for me at night after Samuel arrives than it has been for a very long time, so I am glad of the sleep I can get now. I know a newborn's wakings will keep me up for an hour or so at a time each time he wakes, because of all the nappy changes, blow-out poos before and after the feeds (fun times, lol!) and the long feeds. CAN'T WAIT (not even being sarcastic!) but I know it will be tiring. Oops, there's Benjamin now (11.34pm)...

The main thing about my pregnancy which I pretty much can't see beyond to think about other aspects very much, is the Pelvic Girdle Pain which I added a PS about last entry. It's AWFUL. I have had bad pubic bone pain before, so much that it seemed unbearable at times, when I was pregnant with Arthur, but this is something else. I'm annoyed that I haven't managed to write about it when it's been such a huge issue for me for quite a long time now - not even documented here yet! :( It has been hanging around since quite early on - at least halfway through my pregnancy - but it was mild and on-and-off back then. I just put it down to the aches and pains of pregnancy on a pelvis that had been through it all 5 times in almost as few years! But it has become a lot worse since the 3rd trimester started, and worse again since 30 weeks, and CRAZY worse since about 36 weeks. At 37 weeks Heather said I should self-refer to a physiotherapist but it just seemed like there was so little time left before having Samuel that I might as well just put up with it. Within a week of that, though, it was getting SO much worse, and the thing was how FAST it was worsening. Each day seemed more unbearable than the previous one. Heather told me I needed to rest my pelvis as much as possible - not lift, push or pull anything if at all possible, and never stand when I can sit, and never sit when I can lie down. Ironically, lying down is one of the most painful things, but hey ho!

The pain is on my left side, from the small of my back, circling round my hip, through my buttock on that side, and out through my groin on the inside of my left leg. The pain refers down the inside of my left leg, and lately down the outside of my left calf for some reason too. The midwives have not been that sensitive about it, and just sort of said, "Oh poor you. At least there's not long to go now, hey?!" or just waved it off as "a bit of sciatica" and other unhelpful things! I did my research online and PGP is NOT to be messed with. The most common mis-diagnosis is sciatica. My symptoms are spot on for PGP. There is quite literally NO position that I can possibly arrange myself in that ever relieves the pain, day or night. I am getting used to it to some degree, but getting out of bed in the morning is terrible. I nearly said agony but I don't want to be overly dramatic so I decided not to! But it feels awful. My pubic bone is actually pretty much pain free, even if I prod it to check, which is about the best it's been over the 5 pregnancies at this stage! But I've never had pelvic pain in this other way before.

It's to do with too much Relaxin in my system, and thus my pelvic bones are too loose in the ligaments (which are softening up under the influence of Relaxin in preparation for labour and birth). The excessive looseness has caused inflammation and pain. That's about it really. When I get upright enough to sit on the edge of the bed, I can then stand okay, but I want to cry when I try to lift a leg to take a step. It gets a little better as I get going, but the first 4 or 5 steps hurt so much that I struggle not to cry as I walk them. I shuffle around like an old lady and usually walk with a limp - the shallower the lift of each leg as I walk, the less painful. This has kept me indoors for many weeks now, and I really can't do too much. I feel bad for the boys because since Neil started his new job, they can't go outside AT ALL from Monday to Friday, and that is seriously unhealthy for 4 energetic little boys. I am SO not meeting their needs and I feel terrible about it. Neil's hours out of the house are so long that he can't nip out with them before he goes to work or after he gets home - he leaves as they get up for the day, and arrives home at/after their bedtime, when I already have them in pyjamas with teeth brushed, waiting for Daddy to get home so they can go to bed. When it snowed last week I managed to get them out onto the driveway, and the next day they ran about in the street because the snow was deep enough so that cars weren't driving about, and we live in a quiet cul-de-sac anyway so it was okay that day. We have no use of a garden at all, so they just can't get out if I can't take them out, and it sucks! :( They are doing very well considering. They get long walks both weekend days with Neil. I WISH I could take them out, even just to supervise them from a bench somewhere, but I can't even get them in the car, or push the pushchair.

I have pretty much given up housework this week because the pain is so much worse at the end of the day when I have done something as small as bent over to sweep the kitchen floor, or sort the washing into piles! Crazy! The boys are being helpful - Arthur and Matthew can run the laundry for me pretty well if I ask them to, and have done so a few times. Arthur also loves using the dustpan and brush in the kitchen so he has done that a few times too. Neil is basically having to do stuff when he's home from work, and I'm not feeling happy about that either, but otherwise everything grinds to a halt and we have nothing to eat off nor anywhere clear to sit and eat! I just have to stay off my feet as much as possible and lift nothing. When I take Benjamin to bed, I let him climb the stairs ahead of me, while I follow right behind on hands and knees. When I get him up from his nap I need to lift him out of his cot, but I come downstairs with him on my lap while I go down on my bottom. The thing that is probably taxing my pelvis the most at the moment is endless discipline issues and lifting Benjamin down for the zillionth time from places he keeps climbing to!

The PGP is the only thing I am REALLY REALLY looking forward to being gone asap once I have had my little sweetie pie. I am loving still being pregnant, even with the other more typical complaints at this stage (hugeness getting in the way of everything, heartburn, constipation, broken sleep, tiredness, etc, etc) but those things I really am not wishing away even though they're inconvenient. That's all they are - inconvenient. And the blessing of carrying a new little person around in such a lovely round tummy (LOVE my pregnant bump every time, hehe!) and feeling his movements and wiggles and hiccups - everything else pales into insignificance. It will be over all too soon and I'll miss it before I know it. I can't wait to have Samuel in my arms and see what he looks like, and snuggle a newborn with such a soft soft head, and feel that satisfying sting of milk letting down as I nurse my tiny person, and just get to know him. But I still don't want to rush these last few days with him inside me. Such precious days, and so fleeting. But I do hope the PGP goes away for me, as quickly as possible after the birth, and doesn't hang around for ages continuing to be a problem. Hopefully I won't need to see a physiotherapist afterwards and it will all just get much better quickly. I soooooo hope. I am really tired of being in this much pain all the time now. I'm worried that it will be troublesome during labour/birth but Heather said I should just NOT squat (not that I have any interest in doing so!), and lie down on my left side like I did with Benjamin. My left side is currently the more painful side to lie on, and moving from that side is truly truly awful, if I've been on it any length of time, even just to shift position ever so slightly. The right side is pretty much almost as bad but marginally less so. So I am not crazy about doing that during labour.... Anyway. Hopefully it'll be okay.

What about the birth? I guess I have been back and forth over this for a long long time now! It's too late at night now and the narrative of the decision-making process is too long-winded for me to elaborate on it much here and now, but basically right now I am planning a homebirth. I have my homebirth supplies pretty much ready at the foot of my bed. I have my hospital bag almost completely packed (just needs the odd thing like a hairbrush and a baby blanket - everything else is done, including all the stocks of things like breastpads, newborn nappies, maternity pads, etc, etc! Exciting things to purchase!). I still haven't written a birth plan but I'm so up in the air about what to do and even what to expect, that I just can't seem to get my head around writing one. I SHOULD, and Heather has reminded me to do so, even a brief one, but I haven't yet. Hopefully I'll do one in time, but I should think I won't be able to get "head space" to think of that until the weekend when Neil is home and I get a bit more rest. The days with the boys are pretty intense and my brain seems to be absolute mush at all times - I can't think straight at any point, or make any decisions! Everything in me is all used up from Monday to Friday, waking to falling asleep! Tonight is going pretty well in that I'm able to write this! Some nights I have thought to update here but just felt unable to string sentences together, even in type, lol!

The recommendation (strong) is for me to give birth in hospital, due to a) succenturiate lobe on my placenta and increased risk of haemmorrhage, b) 5th baby and therefore (ALLEGED) increased risk of haemmorrhage (Heather and I can NOT find any research to back this up, and nor can the midwives or consultant that Heather asks quite pointedly, haha!), and c) my GBS test came back positive. Again. At 36 weeks. Woo. Hoo. I'm bummed about it, but I guess I know it was likely, since I have been GBS+ the last two pregnancies (and probably the previous two but I wasn't tested those times). Last time I declined IV antibiotics during labour and had Benjamin at home anyway, and observed him well after his birth for 24 hours, and all was fine. I feel like I did that hurdle last time, so I am less anxious about making that decision this time. I will be careful with watching for increased risk factors though, as last time. If my waters break before labour starts, I will likely just go into hospital and get antibiotics. Last time they didn't break until his head was crowning, just like with Matthew! With Arthur and Nathan, I was in hospital and I had IV antibiotics (Arthur because I developed a fever - good indication of GBS even though we didn't know about that at the time since I wasn't tested). Everyone (midwives, Heather, consultant, etc) seems to expect my labour to be quick and straightforward this time, since it's my 5th baby and last time went like that. I have less confidence than they all seem to, but I guess it's a good possibility, and it's nice to hear them all saying how it will likely go that way! :) So if my waters break, apparently at this stage I should expect labour to kick right in and move quickly anyway. There shouldn't be time for things to drag and for me to start to feel unwell with the kind of signs I had in Arthur's VERY LONG labour. So, especially if my waters break right at the very end, the GBS risk should be extremely low.

As far as the bleeding risks go, I have decided (not all that firmly!) to stay at home. The midwives seem to have no problem booking my homebirth, and everybody knows I may possibly need a transfer to hospital. I SO SO SO hope that will not happen, and that my placenta will plop right out with the lobe attached, and no significant bleeding. We are actively praying for this, and I covet your prayers for the same please! Until last week I had assumed that I would have a managed 3rd stage (syntometrine injection as the baby is born to get the placenta delivered asap) to reduce the risk of bleeding, but then I did a bit more research on it. It does appear to reduce the risk of bleeding, but I'm not too crazy about it all the same. They have to massage your tummy like crazy and apply cord traction, all in the name of getting the thing out FAST so that the cervix doesn't close before they can get it out, thus causing the extra problem of "retained placenta", for which I would have to transfer to hospital and go into theatre to have it removed! I had a horrible time delivering Arthur's placenta (managed 3rd stage which didn't follow on quickly like it should have) where the doctor applied cord traction to the degree that she braced herself against the foot of my bed and used all her strength to pull on the cord hanging out of me!! BOY did that feel wrong, though I understand why, and I find myself wondering why on earth I should agree to having the whole thing messed about with?! My cervix wouldn't naturally close that fast at all if I didn't have that intervention of the injection to deliver the placenta - it's a side-effect of the injection. My uterus has done a great job of popping out the placenta with some good strong contractions since Arthur's birth, within about 20 minutes of the baby being born. I don't see why it wouldn't be very efficient at it again? If at that point I DO have excessive bleeding, the treatment on the spot would be the syntometrine injection ANYWAY, so at that point they can administer it if needed, right? I know if the bleeding is persistant and heavy then it might not work, and that worries me, but I guess I am trying not to dwell so heavily on the negative possibilities. Doing so has been really making me crazy these last few weeks, and I just want to think positive, pray continually, and have a plan in place if it's needed. So at the moment that means planning a homebirth, praying that all will go smoothly, and being prepared for an emergency transfer at the end if it does not. And trusting God to have His hand upon me and keep me safe. I feel better (SO much better!) with this mindset than I have in ages. The only decision I am now left wondering about is whether to decline the managed 3rd stage. Heather says I can, and she will support me in it, but that the midwives will throw up their hands in horror and I should be prepared for that if I choose to decline it! She said I can wait until I'm in labour before I decide, so that is good because it makes me feel less under pressure to decide right now. I am praying about it, and right now I feel that I will decline it and let my body do what I feel quite confident that it's able to do, and be glad of medical help right there if I need it. I am about a 3 minute drive from the hospital so that helps too.

Well as always there is SO much more I could write. I so want to! But it's too late and I have to go to bed. Samuel's movements are really slowing down a lot this week - I did worry about it a couple of times, but he's still moving enough, just less than usual. He is mostly just rolling his shoulders a bit and shuffling his bent-up legs, poor little squished lambie! He has absolutely NO room left in there. At my 38 week midwife appointment everything was fine (blood pressure 110/70, urine + for protein and leukocytes which frankly it often is for me at this stage since I have a ton of CM that seems to contaminate the samples I give them most times, but never grows anything when sent off to the lab) and Samuel was measuring okay for dates (I assume - they didn't say otherwise!), and was still 4/5 palpable, but "nice and low" according to the same midwife who attended my 40-week appt with Benjamin (and came back later the same day once labour was starting!) and declared him "really high still", so that was nice to hear! :) Samuel gets hiccups about 2-4 times a day still at the moment. They feel really BIG and strong now, and I love feeling them! I can't wait to hold him when I lay my hand on my bump and feel his hiccups so very clearly, and imagine him in there hiccuping away!

The boys now know his name - hooray!! :) Arthur was THRILLED and beamed for ages when we told him, so I guess he likes the name! Matthew said he did not like the name because he wanted the baby to be called "Crispy" when he came out, hehe! Arthur chose the name "Cornflake" for Samuel through my pregnancy, and Matthew's choice at the same time was "Crispy", but we let Arthur have the choice this time. Matthew has been very persistant with his choice all the same, referring to the baby as "Crispy" instead of Cornflake, and telling the midwife when I have an appointment that the baby's name is Crispy, hehe! So he seems to be most put out that the baby won't ACTUALLY be called Crispy when he is born! He wouldn't even say Samuel's name for the first few days we were using it with the boys, and then finally he used it for the first time to tell me, "Mummy, after Samuel, when you have the NEXT baby in your tummy, I want it to be Crispy." ;)

Nathan mostly refers to the baby as "your new baby" whenever he talks about him to me, for some reason! He talks about him with affection and excitement, and tells me many times a day what the baby will do when he comes out. Right now he is all about the baby having lots of milky when he comes out. I have been telling him about what new babies do (have milky, wee, poo, cry and sleep) so that he gets a better expectation, because although it'll be his second little brother (that's CRAZY to type out, referring to my teeny little 2-year-old Nathey-noodle!), he really doesn't have any idea of what to expect as he was only 18 months old when Benjamin was born. He kept telling me that the new baby would crawl and stand when he came out, lol! So I have been talking to him about it a lot lately, and he is now coming out with more appropriate things! ;) Benjamin turned 17 months old today and has nooooo idea what's coming, bless his heart! He pats my tummy and says, "baby", and he makes a sort of sad little miaowing sound as he looks at it - the same sound he makes when he plays with the two baby dolls we've got, to pretend they're crying. He is EVER SO sweet with the baby dolls. He spontaneously started playing with them a few weeks ago, and they are one of his favourite things to play with these days. He lifts their legs up and says, "tains" (change, for nappy change), and will wipe them with a hanky! He makes that funny crying sound and says to me, "Cwy" and then holds them against his little torso face-in, and sways about, saying, "Ssss....ssss....sssss." (which is his version of "shhh" - SOOOOOOOOOO adorable!). Nobody showed him this, I think he got it from when Neil settles him in a similar way when he wakes and cries in the evening. He gives cuh-gohs and kisses to the babies, and lately brings them to me and lifts my top up, and posts them rather roughly at my breast so I can nurse them! He calls my milk "gunk" - how flattering, haha! But it's just how he has pronounced it from the first, and it has stuck.

Anyway, the boys are all doing fine in terms of waiting and preparing to meet Samuel. They are so eager, and every day the older two tell me how many days there are left until he is due! They know it could happen any time and are very excited. We have my brother for back-up if we need childcare cover, but he is having job interviews regularly at the moment (he's out of work right now) and also has his own two little ones, so he is only available if he turns out to be when we call him! Also if I need to transfer in an emergency then there won't be time for him to come over. We've decided that if I need to go into hospital I will go with Heather and Neil will stay home with the little ones. I feel sad to think he might not get to see Samuel born, but we both feel happier about this option as far as the boys are concerned, and I won't stress at ALL about being in hospital and leaving the boys behind, which I always do otherwise. And I have Heather. But I hope I will stay at home and we'll both be around for the boys, and he won't miss the birth either! :)

It is currently SO surreal to think that I will actually go into labour any time, ever, let alone soon, that I just can't think straight at all about it really happening. I just have no expectations of it yet. I can't imagine really going into labour, or having actually given birth and being on the other side of it! There's so much going on at home, so much still to do, and it just seems so unlikely that I'll go ahead and add giving birth to the whole shebang, hehe! Christmas preparations are making it seem even less possible, and I'm much more able to think about and focus on stuff to get done for Christmas than the fact that I will be having a baby BEFORE Christmas arrives! So very surreal.

I am wondering about when it WILL happen though. So far - and it doesn't mean it will be this way again, I know - so far, all my babies have been born between the 9th and 14th of the month, no matter when they were due, like I said last entry. I have never gone into labour naturally before my due date (with Nathan he was obviously born way before my due date but I had to be induced when my waters broke), and my due date is the 13th. So based on that, I still wonder if I will have a baby on the 13th or 14th (14th sticking in my head as the most likely, as I was that exact gestation when Benjamin was born too). If I do, then I think a pattern is emerging! ;) Arthur on the 9th, Matthew on the 14th, Nathan on the 12th. Benjamin starts it off again by being born on the 9th, and then if Samuel comes on the 14th, that leaves us another son to be born on the 12th of some month at some point! ;) I always say now that "my window" is the 9th to the 14th of the month, so I feel like I could give birth anywhere in that window. I told everyone that with confidence last time, and Benjamin WAS born on the 9th. I just knew he wouldn't come earlier than my window! :) So today is the 9th - my window has begun! :) I am still not really expecting him before the weekend, or even until the weekend is over, because my due date isn't until Monday. My scans all put me due on the 11th (Saturday) but my chart disagrees, and I'm pretty sure about it, so I am sticking with the 13th.

Okay, I MUST go to bed! So glad to have updated to actually record some important stuff before the whirlwind blur of labour posts and postnatal ramblings when pregnancy suddenly seems a long way in the past and less relevant to catch up posting about! Oh, and I have updated my belly gallery. I still feel bad that I haven't kept up with Samuel's belly pictures like I have all the other boys, but I'm accepting the fact that I just HAVEN'T, now. Neil and I are just not getting the same kind of time together that we used to, and he always used to take the belly pictures. I discovered I can set the camera with a timer to take my own picture, so that's what I've done for the last few. Still not as many as I usually take, and they're more spaced out, but oh well. Also one of them is really out of focus, hehe! But never mind! So my last one that I posted in the gallery was 28 weeks. I have now put one up for 33 weeks (or it might have been taken the day before I turned 33 weeks, I think), and 37 weeks and 5 days. I fully intend to take one this week/weekend, in case I have a baby before I get to take my "due date" photo, or forget to or something. Then I'll have a record of the very END of my pregnancy with a photo. I feel HUGE. My maternity trousers and jeans do not fit, and haven't fit over my bump since 37 weeks. I just can't wear them! I do have one very comfy pair of maternity PJs which I live in, hehe! And I have the soft stretchy brown trousers that at least don't HURT to wear, but which slide under my bump continually and fall down - I'm constantly hoisting them over my non-existant hips, but like I say, at least they're comfy and less embarrassing to open the door in than pyjamas! I'll pretty much be wearing one of those two things in any more belly pics I take - and I am wearing them in the 37 week picture (they've slid under my bump already!).

I'll try to update again soon. I have had no signs of labour impending so far, though tonight I am mildly crampy in a vaguely periody way for the first time. Right now I can't feel any crampiness, I just noticed a bit of it earlier in the evening when I was resting on the bed. Nothing else to report yet though! I'll keep the blog posted as soon as "things" really start to happen, unless there's urgency to the situation and I don't get time.