So, Fertility Friend says I have ovulated four days ago, but it knows nothing! ;) I'm currently on Cycle Day FORTY or something near that mark! Crazy late for me, except not this time PP somehow. Hope that's not ominous (eg. early menopause or anything like that! :S )! I am still ovulating, just late, and then my LP is still really short.
I *think* I am ovulating today, but time will tell. I have had EWCM for a good few days, and today I have what my dim memory recalls as ovulation pain - BUT I might be wrong, so I will just have to wait and see. I am temping now so I can tell for sure, and my temps are still low right now.
Now I am really starting to get the anticipated baby fever! ;) Funny how it's not seriously there at 6 or 7 months PP, but always always kicks in somewhere after the 8 month mark! I have the sweetest, most darling little baby on my lap (albeit fidgetty and slightly cranky due to both naps being ended early by NOISY brothers who were busy not obeying Mummy!), who I would LOVE to bless with a baby brother or sister. Oh how I would love to see him become a big brother!! :)
The feeling of one missing is getting stronger and stronger all the time. Neil seems fine about one more, if a little, "Are we CRAZY?!?!" at times! ;) I know God may say no. I am doing a lot of praying about it right now. Like I said last entry, more time would be easier, but the other day I was thinking and praying about it... There's just no way that I want to turn down the potential for more children even for a short time, when I have so few years left before this season will be over. It will come in the blink of an eye, I know it. I KNOW that if God is pleased to bless us again with a baby sooner than later, He absolutely will enable me, even if things are hard for a while. I am never going to look back at the end of my life and wish that I had had fewer children because we had "too many" in a small house, or not enough money to be at ease financially, or because I felt overwhelmed and exhausted most days for a year or two. Those things are just piffle in the grand scheme of things - BIG at the time, yes, but when I have my perspective in order many years later, and can look back, the trials over it will see trifling and the children we have around us as a result (and their relationships with each other) will be utterly utterly, can't-even-describe-how-much worth it. So bring it on, please Lord! :) I love love love having a large family, as mine is now becoming! It's a treasure more than anything I could imagine when I only had a couple of kiddies. I'm so blessed, and excited about the possibility of more little blessings!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
CD30 - thoughts and kidney stones...
Sooo, my urine infection that I wrote about last entry was not a urine infection after all. Turned out to be a kidney stone, and the three weeks that followed my entry was pretty dreadful. MUCH more bleeding, and finally excruciating pain and an ambulance trip to the hospital, where I stayed overnight to get my pain under control following diagnosis of a kidney stone with an X-ray. I sort of existed for two weeks as they did nothing about it, just sent me home with the strongest painkillers I could take whilst breastfeeding (it would take something far worse than a kidney stone to stop me breastfeeding!), and Neil had to use up two weeks of holiday time to look after the boys for me. Finally had the stone blasted with shock waves (lithotripsy) and it worked, hooray! It took me a week or so to recover physically all the same, and I am not convinced about my kidney (which was in a bad way, being completely blocked by the stone and swollen up hugely with urine) even now, as I am still having mild pain there...
ANYWAY! So glad to be past that! My temperature dropped the morning before I went into hospital (at 5DPO - still very short luteal phase), so I expected to get my period that day, but I didn't, and I still didn't the day I went into hospital either! I was so glad, because I really didn't need the complication of my period starting while I was unable to move at all due to pain in A&E for 5 hours! The next morning on the ward, the nurses changed my sheets and sent me to get washed in the adjoining bathroom (oh I was so nervous to move!), and THAT'S where I discovered my period had started. Good thing there were no beds on the urology ward, so I had been put on the gynae ward, lol! Plenty of sanitary wear there for someone who only remembered to take what she was wearing into the ambulance with her! ;)
Since then, I have paid the LEAST attention to my cycle that I've EVER paid to any of my cycles, hehe! I just have had no idea where I'm at in terms of Cycle Day, have completely ignored my CM, and have not even thought about temping. All I know is the date of my LMP because they kept asking me for it before I had X-rays to check on the kidney stone over the weeks. Recently I started to wonder where my period might be, and for that matter ovulation! It was beginning to feel like a while since I had had my period. So I went to my chart, updated my last cycle and started charting the last few days - I have no idea about earlier in this cycle, except that I think I had EWCM for a few days around CD14 (two weeks after my period started I think I was aware of that, and thought it was a bit early for me to ovulate yet or something), so I charted that to be aware of it. Haven't really noticed anything much since, so I presumed I haven't ovulated yet. When I checked my chart I found that I'm on Cycle Day THIRTY already!!! Wow, late ovulation! UNLESS I already did ovulate when I wasn't paying attention, and now I'm waiting for my period to start. I was so moody yesterday, enough for it to possibly be PMS... Anyway, I will have to wait and see. The only thing of note today is that I don't think I actually HAVE ovulated yet because I temped at last and got 35.6 (really low, and typical for a pre-ovulatory temp for me), and also I have had EWCM today! Maybe I'll actually ovulate in a few days? Who knows! My cycles are pretty wacky since Samuel, even though they started back earlier than ever. This time "last baby" (!), my cycles had been settling down for some months, and I had had a couple of chemical pregnancies (possibly three?) already, in a row. Samuel is 8 months old today. Benjamin was 8 months old when Samuel was conceived!
My body is NOT in the same place as it was last time, yet! ;) My ovulation is late every cycle, and my luteal phase is still really short. So I will wait and see how it goes.
I am juuuust beginning to get that feeling in my ovaries, lol! ;) That one where I feel hopeful and wistful about maybe getting pregnant again. Before 8 or 9 months, I want to have more babies, but the idea of doing so RIGHT NOW is kind of scary! I'm transitioning into the next stage! :) The other odd thing is that for the last couple of weeks I keep thinking a child is missing all the time. Not the "I knew that we were missing a child in our family..." thing that people say. I mean literally! I get Samuel down from a nap, and they're all playing on the living room floor and then I suddenly have a moment where I leap up panicking because, "Where's the baby?!" Not Samuel - I know he's there. I glance at the video monitor to the room he sleeps in and he's not there, so although I SEE him on the floor, something in me has a moment of, "Where's the baby?!!" Maybe it's because he's growing up - he started pulling to kneeling and then standing this week, and attempted to cruise at the bookshelf this morning. He's eating everything we eat, rocking on hands and knees, and army crawling everywhere at speed. He has no teeth, a head full of sweet blonde hair, and personality emerging left, right and centre. I LOVE HIM!!!
I sometimes do a quick mental count of the boys as they're rushing around in the house, and I get that, "Where's the other one?!!" feeling clutching at my throat again, even though I counted five, and I KNOW I have five children, not six. And you know when you mentally plan things out in a spare moment while you're doing some other task? Well I will be thinking something like, "If I use workboxes for the boys and colour-code them, I could start with red, orange, yellow and green because only four of them will be needing workboxes right now... Once all six of them are old enough, I can add blue and purple..." Spot the mistake! ;) I never do until the complete thought or phrase is out there, and then I think - SIX?! Where did that come from?!! ;)
This is all the stuff that happened when I had two, just Matthew and Arthur, and Matthew was about 7 or 8 months old. I kept referring to the boys as "all three of them" when thinking ahead to future events, or wondering where the baby was when I could see the two of them starting to play together more. I don't think it's a stage of development coincidence, because Matthew was crawling, cruising, etc, far earlier than Samuel. Anyway, I am filled with gladness at the possibility that it might mean that another child is meant for us! Neil had the same feelings as I do with the others (missing child, counting up and still feeling like one's missing, etc), and I haven't thought to ask him whether he's feeling the same again yet.
I just need a little more time to get my body in better condition - I need to start exercising regularly, and haven't been able to due to being set back with illness every few weeks since April (aaaaargh!!!) - no viruses for a good while now, but dang that kidney stone!!! ;) Also I need a little more time to establish homeschooling well this year, and iron out the creases (to make a HUGE understatement, lol!) of having two toddlers/pre-schoolers and a baby AS WELL as two children of school age who need to be doing proper homeschooling now. I'm trying to figure out a schedule for our days as well, and I need time to implement it all. So much so that I have actually prayed that God would allow us a little more time before blessing us with another baby. I WANT Him to! But just a LITTLE more time, that's all. If I get pregnant this cycle, I will rejoice so very very much! :) There's no "worse" option for me at all. A little more time would be a little more space to breathe, that's all. And I don't NEED that. So very glad to turn it all over to God and trust Him entirely! God is good, all the time! :D
Well, I'll try to update briefly (ha!) now and then to keep track of my cycles, especially since the months are passing by now and I'm getting near to the time when all my other babies were conceived (Matthew - 10 months postpartum after Arthur; Nathan - 11 months PP; Benjamin - 9 months PP; Samuel - 8 months PP). I am not even sure what my last luteal phase length was exactly (6 days??) or whether it should even be counted as that long, given that my temp had dropped down for the last two days of that time. Definitely not long enough to support a pregnancy even if conception was to occur. This cycle, who knows? Maybe another 6 day luteal phase? Maybe 7 or 8? Still not long enough, but I will keep track and keep this journal updated about it as I go along.
Thanks for reading, if you are! It's nice to have folks still follow along with my less-than-sane ramblings over my bodily functions, haha! ;) Back soon!
ANYWAY! So glad to be past that! My temperature dropped the morning before I went into hospital (at 5DPO - still very short luteal phase), so I expected to get my period that day, but I didn't, and I still didn't the day I went into hospital either! I was so glad, because I really didn't need the complication of my period starting while I was unable to move at all due to pain in A&E for 5 hours! The next morning on the ward, the nurses changed my sheets and sent me to get washed in the adjoining bathroom (oh I was so nervous to move!), and THAT'S where I discovered my period had started. Good thing there were no beds on the urology ward, so I had been put on the gynae ward, lol! Plenty of sanitary wear there for someone who only remembered to take what she was wearing into the ambulance with her! ;)
Since then, I have paid the LEAST attention to my cycle that I've EVER paid to any of my cycles, hehe! I just have had no idea where I'm at in terms of Cycle Day, have completely ignored my CM, and have not even thought about temping. All I know is the date of my LMP because they kept asking me for it before I had X-rays to check on the kidney stone over the weeks. Recently I started to wonder where my period might be, and for that matter ovulation! It was beginning to feel like a while since I had had my period. So I went to my chart, updated my last cycle and started charting the last few days - I have no idea about earlier in this cycle, except that I think I had EWCM for a few days around CD14 (two weeks after my period started I think I was aware of that, and thought it was a bit early for me to ovulate yet or something), so I charted that to be aware of it. Haven't really noticed anything much since, so I presumed I haven't ovulated yet. When I checked my chart I found that I'm on Cycle Day THIRTY already!!! Wow, late ovulation! UNLESS I already did ovulate when I wasn't paying attention, and now I'm waiting for my period to start. I was so moody yesterday, enough for it to possibly be PMS... Anyway, I will have to wait and see. The only thing of note today is that I don't think I actually HAVE ovulated yet because I temped at last and got 35.6 (really low, and typical for a pre-ovulatory temp for me), and also I have had EWCM today! Maybe I'll actually ovulate in a few days? Who knows! My cycles are pretty wacky since Samuel, even though they started back earlier than ever. This time "last baby" (!), my cycles had been settling down for some months, and I had had a couple of chemical pregnancies (possibly three?) already, in a row. Samuel is 8 months old today. Benjamin was 8 months old when Samuel was conceived!
My body is NOT in the same place as it was last time, yet! ;) My ovulation is late every cycle, and my luteal phase is still really short. So I will wait and see how it goes.
I am juuuust beginning to get that feeling in my ovaries, lol! ;) That one where I feel hopeful and wistful about maybe getting pregnant again. Before 8 or 9 months, I want to have more babies, but the idea of doing so RIGHT NOW is kind of scary! I'm transitioning into the next stage! :) The other odd thing is that for the last couple of weeks I keep thinking a child is missing all the time. Not the "I knew that we were missing a child in our family..." thing that people say. I mean literally! I get Samuel down from a nap, and they're all playing on the living room floor and then I suddenly have a moment where I leap up panicking because, "Where's the baby?!" Not Samuel - I know he's there. I glance at the video monitor to the room he sleeps in and he's not there, so although I SEE him on the floor, something in me has a moment of, "Where's the baby?!!" Maybe it's because he's growing up - he started pulling to kneeling and then standing this week, and attempted to cruise at the bookshelf this morning. He's eating everything we eat, rocking on hands and knees, and army crawling everywhere at speed. He has no teeth, a head full of sweet blonde hair, and personality emerging left, right and centre. I LOVE HIM!!!
I sometimes do a quick mental count of the boys as they're rushing around in the house, and I get that, "Where's the other one?!!" feeling clutching at my throat again, even though I counted five, and I KNOW I have five children, not six. And you know when you mentally plan things out in a spare moment while you're doing some other task? Well I will be thinking something like, "If I use workboxes for the boys and colour-code them, I could start with red, orange, yellow and green because only four of them will be needing workboxes right now... Once all six of them are old enough, I can add blue and purple..." Spot the mistake! ;) I never do until the complete thought or phrase is out there, and then I think - SIX?! Where did that come from?!! ;)
This is all the stuff that happened when I had two, just Matthew and Arthur, and Matthew was about 7 or 8 months old. I kept referring to the boys as "all three of them" when thinking ahead to future events, or wondering where the baby was when I could see the two of them starting to play together more. I don't think it's a stage of development coincidence, because Matthew was crawling, cruising, etc, far earlier than Samuel. Anyway, I am filled with gladness at the possibility that it might mean that another child is meant for us! Neil had the same feelings as I do with the others (missing child, counting up and still feeling like one's missing, etc), and I haven't thought to ask him whether he's feeling the same again yet.
I just need a little more time to get my body in better condition - I need to start exercising regularly, and haven't been able to due to being set back with illness every few weeks since April (aaaaargh!!!) - no viruses for a good while now, but dang that kidney stone!!! ;) Also I need a little more time to establish homeschooling well this year, and iron out the creases (to make a HUGE understatement, lol!) of having two toddlers/pre-schoolers and a baby AS WELL as two children of school age who need to be doing proper homeschooling now. I'm trying to figure out a schedule for our days as well, and I need time to implement it all. So much so that I have actually prayed that God would allow us a little more time before blessing us with another baby. I WANT Him to! But just a LITTLE more time, that's all. If I get pregnant this cycle, I will rejoice so very very much! :) There's no "worse" option for me at all. A little more time would be a little more space to breathe, that's all. And I don't NEED that. So very glad to turn it all over to God and trust Him entirely! God is good, all the time! :D
Well, I'll try to update briefly (ha!) now and then to keep track of my cycles, especially since the months are passing by now and I'm getting near to the time when all my other babies were conceived (Matthew - 10 months postpartum after Arthur; Nathan - 11 months PP; Benjamin - 9 months PP; Samuel - 8 months PP). I am not even sure what my last luteal phase length was exactly (6 days??) or whether it should even be counted as that long, given that my temp had dropped down for the last two days of that time. Definitely not long enough to support a pregnancy even if conception was to occur. This cycle, who knows? Maybe another 6 day luteal phase? Maybe 7 or 8? Still not long enough, but I will keep track and keep this journal updated about it as I go along.
Thanks for reading, if you are! It's nice to have folks still follow along with my less-than-sane ramblings over my bodily functions, haha! ;) Back soon!
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