I really have to get a belly picture for 16 weeks! I am really showing now, and total strangers are asking me if I'm hoping for a girl this time (*sigh* Isn't that a predictable comment?!) without looking at me for a while first or asking if I'm expecting a baby. It must be obvious! Yay! :) Heather says I really look pregnant now, and not just "is she/isn't she pregnant?" which is lovely to hear! :)
I am finally unable to wear normal jeans and trousers (except for baggy, drawstring types, which I can still feel comfortable in). I have found a box of my maternity clothes STILL not put away in the loft yet from last time, hahaha! ;) So that has made it easy to dig in and start wearing some maternity items earlier than I usually get Neil to bring them down from the loft! :)
I pretty much live in a pair of maternity jeans that are "under bump" style with adjustable elastic at the sides. They are reeeeeeally comfy, and I remember them being a poor fit or uncomfortable for my last two pregnancies (I only got them during Samuel's pregnancy), probably because I was trying to wear them really late in my pregnancies. They are great for an "early bump"! :)
My little baby is moving and kicking quite a lot, and the kicks are still tiny fluttery taps. I love that I can feel them so clearly. I am increasingly trying to see if I can feel the movements with my hand through my tummy now, because I'm sure I will be able to any time now! I stop whatever I'm doing (in the evening, obviously - can't do that in the day!) when I feel the baby do a few little pops against my tummy, and practically hold my breath as I gently press my hand flat on my tummy in the place I felt the kicks, and wait. So far, either the kicks stop, or they move to the other side, hehe! Or there's a sort of wiggle movement instead and I can't feel that against my hand yet. But soon! I can't wait! :)
I had my 16-week midwife appointment, at 15 weeks and 3 days, for some reason! I can't remember why it was arranged during week 15 but oh well. I went to the clinic for that appointment, and it turned out that neither Neil or Heather could cover me with the kiddies, so I had to take all 6 of them with me. That was interesting. They were sooo well behaved getting in there, and waiting in the waiting area. I got a LOT of comments - "Are they all yours?!", "ALL BOYS?!?!", "Do you know what you're having this time?!", etc. I didn't have a urine sample with me as I didn't have a sample container at home, and it was completely impossible for me to do one at the clinic with all the boys with me, so they said to be sure to bring one next time (which is AGES - 28 weeks or something crazy! Pretty pointless to say that when I'm still only 15 weeks pregnant!). I forgot to take a sample pot with me at the end, but I am NOT taking my children with me to any further appointments. I would seriously rather reschedule or MISS one, it was such hard work! :(
They didn't behave so great after the first few minutes of the appointment and it went downhill from there. Leaving was a NIGHTMARE. They scattered and wouldn't come when called, went into various places in the clinic that they shouldn't have, etc. I was carrying Elijah in my arms so couldn't round them up so easily as usual. They didn't respond to the various bribes and threats (!) that usually work, and it was really really REALLY embarrassing, as nobody seemed to have anything better to do than watch this "crazy" mother of "too many children" completely fail to control them or get them to obey her. Urrrggghhhh. If I took one to the waiting area and went back to get another, there were still 3 to round up, and child #1 may or may not have run off by the time I got back with child #2. They were equally badly behaved in the car park outside - in the car park, people! :/ It's REALLY hard having children (especially the eldest children, when there are lots of little ones under them as well) on the autistic spectrum. They get overwhelmed and overstimulated by unfamiliar situations very easily and then their behaviour gets out of hand fast and I still haven't figured out how to manage or diffuse things in those situations yet. Arthur's report is being written right now, which will confirm that he has Asperger's Syndrome (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). Matthew is still waiting for his assessment appointment right now, but he is harder work than Arthur out and about, because he has (in my opinion) sensory processing issues and ADHD type issues, alongside the autistic-type issues. He has no concept of danger, and his behaviour can get out of control really fast when he's overstimulated, and he gets overstimulated verrrrry easily. I have not figured out how to manage or diffuse things in that kind of situation yet. It's really hard! Anyway, NEVER AGAIN, lol!
Apart from the boys' behaviour and resulting embarrassment and stress, the appointment went okay. My blood pressure was 100/60, my usual low pressure which surprised me considering that all the boys were around me and I was even correcting a couple of them in different directions while my blood pressure was being taken, haha! ;)
The midwife was the same one who came when I was in labour with Benjamin, but who (thankfully) had to finish her shift an hour or so before he was born. I am not crazy about her, although it's nice to see a familiar midwife again, any time I do see her. She doesn't seem awfully sensitive or knowledgeable (flexible knowledge, that is - if that makes sense. She seems to have just learned a bunch of rules and quotes them, rather than considering new research, for example. *sigh*). And she errs on the negative side. She asked me if I had a consultant appointment booked, and I said no, and told her I had declined one. She looked surprised/concerned, but I could tell it wasn't genuine, and anyway it would have been in my notes! That's the reason I was seeing her that day instead of the consultant at 16 weeks! I'm not that daft. So, the look was basically a request for explanation, and I told her that I had done the consultant appointments the last two times and already knew what would be covered, and already knew what my choices were. She didn't need to (of course) but it seemed like she couldn't help saying (in sympathetic tones, as though that made it better), "You know about the risk of bleeding, yeah?" I just dismissed it with a wave of my hand and a quick, "Yeah." There ISN'T an increased risk of bleeding just because I have had more babies - Heather has thoroughly explored that with a lot of research, and I personally witnessed her ask high-ranking midwives and obstetric consultants if they could back up their opinion on that with research, and they couldn't. Because there isn't any. They all admitted it was something they were taught during training (and that was their way of justifying it's truth!). Anyway, I couldn't be bothered to hash that out with this particular midwife so I just brushed it aside, and I think she got the picture.
I told her I already knew all my risk factors, and would be choosing a homebirth. I said I would, as always, be open to other ideas if any new risk factors came about during my pregnancy, but that was that - end of discussion. I am getting more assertive with each pregnancy, over my rights, and I like that, because I'm not naturally very good at being assertive. In such situations (pregnancy, my children's health, etc.) it's really important! So I'm glad to be improving in that area! I know that I 100% have Heather to thank for it, and I'm so grateful to her! :)
The midwife said it was a bit early to find baby's heartbeat at 15 weeks, but (negative tone) if I would like her to try she could give it a go. I said I had been listening on my home doppler for many weeks! ;) So she was more enthusiastic about listening in, but didn't find it for aaaages. I knew she was looking in COMPLETELY the wrong place, but didn't feel comfortable about pointing that out, so I waited. She was looking way too low. She kept saying that sometimes a drink of water makes the bladder fill and the uterus move up, making it easier to hear the heartbeat this early. *sigh* For a start she was looking really low down, squashing the top of my uterus down with her hand, which was MANY inches above where she was using the doppler! Big space full of baby which she didn't apparently think to look in! I went along with it and drank the cup of water she gave me, and she literally had me lie down to "try again" seconds after I downed it, which - what?! How has my bladder had time to fill with the cup of water and shift my womb up by then?! She used the doppler higher up (of course, due to the cup of water) and surprise, surprise, found the baby's heartbeat much higher very quickly. I felt so irritable and like rolling my eyes (I didn't, don't worry) when she said, "See! The water did the trick!" Urgh. I suddenly remembered the annoying issue of finding Benjamin's heartbeat during my labour with him, and how she and the student had a hard time finding it EVERY time they checked and casually would make all sorts of passive-but-negative comments about my position or the baby's to justify their difficulty. Heather was so irritated by it, and even made mention of it in the birth notes she wrote, pointing out that they weren't looking in the right place, and that when Mandi (the midwife who delivered him) came, she always found the heartbeat immediately every time she checked him! :)
Anyway, so that was annoying. Also she asked me (pen poised over my notes) for the name of my social worker. I told her that we didn't have one any more, because (as they had promised) they closed our case. She asked instead of the name of my health visitor and wrote that down. It was only afterwards that I thought, "Why?!" Why did she have any business writing that down - it's irrelevant to my maternity care during pregnancy, and I just TOLD her the whole completely unnecessary social services ordeal is OVER with. Just another moment of irksomeness, anyway.
Talking of irritability (!)... I have been really struggling with hormones lately - the past week for sure, but also part of the week before, I think. Increasingly over that time, rather than just the same all the time. I pretty much came to the end of my rope this week, and everything felt too overwhelming! I felt close to tears a lot, and SO irritable at the slightest thing. I felt kind of depressed - not that motivated to do a thing, eat much, etc. I have had trouble getting to sleep quite a few nights recently, even though I'm tired out. I just don't feel happy inside. I have absolutely NO tolerance for any trouble from the boys, and there is perlenty of trouble from the boys on a minute-by-minute basis, so that has been kind of hard to get on with, haha! I also have been feeling "touched-out" from the moment I get up in the morning, and just want to crawl out of my skin sometimes when I'm breastfeeding (less so with Elijah, but hugely with Samuel and even more so with Benjamin), or when Samuel does his thing where he constantly twiddles or fidgets with my skin when he's snuggling next to me, and when he's feeling sleepy. I love that he's so cuddly and we stop to cuddle on the sofa MANY (dozens and dozens) times a day. He always sucks his thumb and fidgets with me absent-mindedly, and I usually don't mind, but lately it's been hard to bear and I've been sort of gently swatting him away or asking him not to fiddle. He's so easy-going and just stops without complaint, but starts again a minute or so later.
I am losing my temper much more easily at the moment, and generally not being very nice to be around. *sigh* I feel horrible for that, which in turn doesn't help my low mood, and then it's a vicious cycle. Praying into coping with things is helping me a lot, as of yesterday. It's a constant effort to keep my thoughts focused on God, and not spiralling negatively. But I can swing back to happy, organised, and positive after a few hours with the boys in bed, eating something comforting and putting on some uplifting music, so I'm thinking it must be hormones. I seem to remember that at 16 weeks with Elijah (or on the way to 17 weeks?) I had a huge sobbing breakdown of an evening, where I phoned Heather and she dropped everything and came over and spent the evening with me, praying, talking and giving hugs. I love her! So maybe it's just a normal hormone thing at this particular stage of pregnancy? I think it's pretty funny/silly that I'm on my 7th baby in 8 years and STILL can't figure out whether this is normal for 16 weeks, hahaha! I guess I'm a slow learner?! Or a quick forgetter! ;) Or maybe they've all been so different in that respect? I actually can't remember, and if I have time (hahahahahaaaa!) I must check my blog over the various pregnancies and see.
Here's something I have noticed which I feel silly about, but it's still there so I'm going to note it: I am not that interested in protein this pregnancy. A photo of pickled dill cucumbers on pinterest did not make me LONG for them. These are my typical boy things, when I'm pregnant, or so I have presumed over my pregnancies. I didn't think much about the protein thing until I was pregnant with Elijah and a friend at MOMYS (mothers of many young siblings) posted about it on the pregnancy forum. She had 4 boys already and was pregnant again. She had an ultrasound which confirmed another boy. She posted to say that she really was noticing a difference this pregnancy, in that she couldn't really care less about protein. With all her boys, she had had cravings for protein, or just REALLY enjoyed or needed her protein when she ate it. I remember reading that and totally relating. I have always needed protein from morning sickness time onwards during my pregnancies, but that seems obvious to me - you're growing a human being in there! You're going to have increased need for protein. Anyway, a bunch of ladies commented, and I can't remember the details of it, but the consensus seemed to be that protein cravings/high needs seemed to be a boy thing, and not having such an urgency about protein held true for them in girl pregnancies. She commented that it was interesting, since she was having a 5th boy, but with such a difference in protein needs, and left it at that. I already knew I was having a 6th boy at the time, but I do remember trying to twist it to think whether mayyyybe I had not wanted protein so much this time around. My food desires are slightly varied during my different pregnancies, but the one thing in common has been - yes, I have needed to eat protein. Eating meat is soooooooo good when I'm pregnant! I crave eggs and it's so good to eat them when I do. Even just tons of cheese is great. I will eat baked beans and eggs on toast for lunch a lot when I'm pregnant and feel like it just about satisfied my protein itch. Without really paying much attention to it, I think about protein a lot when I'm pregnant, and enjoy it.
This time, I am trying to think realistically (I don't want to be psychologically swaying things for myself just in case I might want a girl), and I honestly honestly do not seem to need protein, any more than when I'm not pregnant. If I eat eggs, or beans on toast, it's like, meh. It was good to eat because I was hungry, but that's it. If I eat meat, like a roast dinner, it's nice, but I am not like, "Mmmmmmmmmmmggghhhghaaaaaaggghhhh!" while eating the meat or anything. I never feel like, "Phew, that scratched my protein itch, what a relief!" at ALL. I am trying to eat fish but it sometimes feels like I just. don't. want. to eat any more fish! I can't finish my meals sometimes when we have salmon, because it just feels like too much protein. I have NEVER felt like that in any of my other pregnancies with protein, quite the opposite in fact.
Anyway. This friend of mine had a homebirth, and was perfectly stunned to give birth to a baby girl! ;) Explains the protein thing, huh?! So it has me REALLY wondering now. I only noticed the dill pickle thing this evening when I saw an old pin of mine on Pinterest. I realised suddenly that I haven't wanted vinegary things at all, or anything particularly salty either. I can't say what I DO fancy, that's particularly different from my other pregnancies, but I definitely see a difference in not caring much for salty/vinegary/proteiny stuff. And that is really different for me. And those are "boy" things, so not wanting them is.... interesting! :)
I'm getting so curious, and so eager for my scan! It's June 7th, so only about 4 weeks to go now! :) The time will pass really quick, so that is exciting to know it'll be coming up soon! I'm feeling happy and settled with the idea of the baby being a girl OR a boy, which is a nice way to feel. I like that he's Toby Joseph if he's a boy, I feel so at ease about that. I will be glad if it's a boy for that reason, and glad if it's a girl for obvious reasons, lol! ;) I feel happy and exciting to find out, whichever way it goes. I just hope the baby is healthy and well at the scan. That will be wonderful news! :)
I continue to get spots on my face, maybe a bit less frequently this past week? But that's not my norm in pregnancy, not sustained for so long anyway. I'm starting to have trouble with restless legs, more than usual, but I'm trying to remember to take my pregnancy vitamins if that bothers me, because there's magnesium in that. I keep forgetting though! I am absolutely exhausted this past week. Physically tired more than mentally tired, just down to my bones, and I keep having to lie down and close my eyes in the afternoons (and sometimes, mornings!) while the boys play around me for a bit. Maybe that's not helping the irritability either? I feel like I could just sleep alllll weekend when the weekends come, but that isn't really an option because the boys are a lot of work and Neil gets stressed out by their behaviour sometimes, and I need to be almost as involved as in the weekdays - we just do it side-by-side instead of me doing it on my own in the week. Which is better! :) But lately I am feeling desperate for some respite at the weekends to build my resources back up for the week ahead. I just start my weeks on a low ebb, exhausted and overwhelmed from the start, which is difficult. I would love to do a lot more sleeping, have a quiet bath, and some head-space time without the noise of the boys around me, at the weekends, at the moment. Like it's a deep-rooted NEED, without which I am slowly starting to unravel! I think it's hormones, but sometimes a pregnant, homeschooling mama with half-a-dozen small children gets to burn-out point, never mind the hormones, you know?! Refreshment needed, for sure, right now. I am not getting it, but weekends are still a bit better than the week days. I hate to ask more of Neil at the weekends - they're his weekends too, and he already lets me sleep in every single weekend, because he's wonderful. So I hate to ask for more.
Nathey said something so sweet at bedtime! He asked me to tell him the story of when Elijah was born, and after I'd done so, he said, "Of all the babies, I think Elijah is my favourite baby, because he's so sweet. Except I think soon I am going to have TWO favourite babies, because the new baby is coming!" He had such a sweet happy little smile when he said that, like it was a thought that made him feel glowing on the inside. I love my family! :) (mental note - must share this at Facebook! It's a memory treasure!)
I will update again soon, hopefully! And try to add a picture for 16 weeks if I take one in time!
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