Sunday, June 23, 2013

22 weeks - belly pics, baby clothes, and other things!

Too exhausted to post tonight, but if I don't get these photos on here then I may NEVER get around to it! I got a 20 week photo (albeit the day before I turned 21 week!) and then another tonight at 22w4d. I look surprisingly similar-sized in them both, although I had a loose top on in the first one and then a snug wrap-type top on in the second. My bump has grown a LOT in the past week or so, I mean really really a lot, so I'm baffled as to why it doesn't really show in the photos!

I'll put them in the belly gallery eventually, but for now here they are - the first one is 20w6d:



And this next one is 22w4d. I look more tired in this one, but nowhere near as tired as I actually feel!



People are just now seeing me as obviously pregnant at church - just today I had many people congratulating me for the first time, saying they'd wondered for a while but didn't want to ask in case I just hadn't "gone down" after the last one yet! ;) Now they are SURE, hehe! I wore what I'm wearing in the 22 week photo to church this morning so I guess it was a fairly obvious outfit! ;)

So exhausted though. I don't feel too well with it. Heather told me at church this morning that I look pale enough to concern her, and she knows I am not sleeping great at the moment but she would like me to get my haemoglobin levels checked. I am inwardly sighing at that idea, because of the faff of arranging and attending a midwife appointment (I don't have one now until 28 weeks otherwise), and I'm reluctant to bother anyway because I've NEVER been anywhere near low with my haemoglobin during any of my pregnancies, but I've been this tired here and there during all of my pregnancies, especially the last few, I think. I don't think it's a getting older thing, I think it's just the sheer demand on me physically as I have more children. I am breastfeeding two (very little milk left though), and a third (Benjamin) is still having the odd breastfeed at bedtime several nights a week, and very occasionally in the day if he asks and it's convenient for me at that time. Elijah wakes several times at night and breastfeeds. Lately I have much worse Restless Leg Syndrome (typical for me during pregnancy, though I can get it badly when not pregnant if I'm tired enough), and it affects my arms too and sometimes my torso when it's really bad. This makes it almost impossible to bear lying still enough to breastfeed during the night, and Elijah gets cross and screechy if he can't nurse to sleep. *sigh* So night wakings are more prolonged and demanding than they used to be. He's settling sometimes now with me rubbing his back for a few minutes. But it can be 30 or more minutes up with him in the night per waking, sometimes. Yawwwwn. I have no plans to night wean, though I probably should start thinking about what I plan to do about it soon.

Anyway, in the absence of a midwife appointment/haemoglobin check (which I feel sure is fine anyway), Heather has insisted I go out and buy some Floradix liquid iron to take, and I've done that today, along with some liquid magnesium of the same brand. As well as the Restless Leg Syndrome, I am having increasing bother from cramps in the muscles on the sides of my lower legs - not the big calf muscle that's more typical. A couple of nights ago I woke up at 4.30am with one of them in hard cramp and I couldn't release it no matter what I did! I tried stretching it, walking, massaging. Elijah was asleep next to me, but I knew he would probably wake up pretty soon if I kept fidgetting about and then I knew the pain of the cramp would prevent me being able to lie still and breastfeed him until he was asleep again, so I got up and tried to walk some more. I was just debating waking Neil and asking him to keep an eye on Elijah (as he was stirring) so I could try - I don't know what! - hot compress? Painkillers?! I had no idea how to release the cramp! If I didn't physically pull my foot straight, the whole thing twisted by itself at the ankle until it was bent inwards and under, and I couldn't override it with just my muscles, I had to physically force it in place with my hands and hold it there! While I was standing in the dark on the landing wondering what to do, I noticed it easing a little bit, and so I stayed where I was until it was eased enough to head back to bed. It hurt like I'd strained the muscle the next day and it's a bit sore today, but I was careful to try not to move that particular leg muscle at ALL last night when I woke at 4am (for a wee - needing a wee once each night this week, which is new this pregnancy). It felt "dodgy", like it would have like to cramp up but thankfully it didn't. So hopefully magnesium will help with both the RLS and the cramps.

Little baby-lady-girl is growing well! She has grown SO much, I can feel the difference in the last two weeks. Her kicks went to "pretty big" last week and I thought that was a big jump in growth, but just yesterday and today I suddenly have kicks above my tummy button from feet which feel like proper 3rd trimester paddles, lol! I also felt her doing all sorts of fiddly plucky things with what felt very clearly like fingers, low down, this afternoon. She was head down at the scan, and I think she still is, although at this early stage that could change several times a day even!

I LOVE using the word "she"!! It is really settling in now that I'm having a baby girl, and I can't describe how joyful the past two weeks have been since we found out! :) I have bought a number of baby clothes on eBay and they've been arriving thick and fast in the post since then - such a wonderful fun time! :) The boys are excited, especially Arthur, seeing her clothes arrive. When the first ones came, they went a bit quiet and Arthur said it felt a bit strange seeing such different clothes, because it reminded him that it would be something different this time, and he doesn't do well with unknowns (Asperger's) so he was a bit unsettled by it at first. I reminded him that she would look like the boys, because she has come from the same Mummy and Daddy, and he brightened right up about it when I told him happily how I saw her nose and lips at the scan and they looked so very much like Matthew's had at his scan! :)

They are DESPERATE to know her name! We told them we are not going to tell them her name until much later in the pregnancy, because it's Mummy and Daddy's secret right now. They know the name will be for family and close friends ONLY, and that we are worried the littler boys will tell people accidentally if they know, so we will tell them "when it's time", later, but definitely before she is born. Arthur keeps asking questions all the same - he is never one to drop a subject, lol! He asked if it's a Bible name, and I said yes. He asked if it was Mary, and I said no, it's not found very often in the Bible. He asked if it was an Old Testament name or a New Testament one, and I told him New Testament, but THAT'S IT - no more clues! He will figure it out otherwise (he may anyway!) and I am not going to tell him if he guesses right, not at the moment anyway.

I am getting used to thinking of Lydia by name. I have her little clothes piled on the stairs where they are placed out of the way when they arrive and have been looked at and stroked, etc. I have my favourites of them all upstairs in the box of Elijah's clothes (he's STILL in 6-9 month clothing!) next to my bed. There's a sleepsuit that I got which I am in LOVE with. I should take a photo of it and post it. As soon as I unwrapped it and saw it, I knew it was the first thing I wanted Lydia to be dressed in after she's born. KNEW it. It is size newborn (7.5lbs, I think, which she should still fit into if she's a pound heavier if memory serves, as a brand new little person!) with slightly frilled cuffs on the sleeves, white with pink trim, and little pink roses printed all over it. It's still just a sleepsuit, but I'm in love. Every time I wake up and get out of bed I see it, and every time I take Elijah up for a nap or get him when he wakes, and when I go to bed. It makes me smile and feel warm inside every time, and I always stop to touch it for a moment. I say her name inside my head when I see it, and my whole heart fills with longing for the day when she's HERE and I put her in it (or someone does for me), and I hold her (I typed "him", haha! Force of habit!) - MY DAUGHTER! - and look at her in my arms, being all real and mine and clothed in this beautiful girly little sleepsuit. Sometimes I have a moment where fear clutches at my throat as I think of mothers who are filled with pain looking at a sleepsuit like I am doing, with a more raw and unbearable longing in their hearts for the baby that should be inside it, because their little one never made it to that point. I don't know what I'd do if that happened to Lydia - to me. Just for a second, I look at it and imagine looking at it with that longing. It's crazy to let my mind go there, but somehow it's hard to stop it - I don't let it linger, and I pray and try to focus on something else. I have these flashes of anxiety about ALL of my unborn babies - it's not just because she's a girl.

Anyway, her sweet first outfit is ready! :) And I'm having such a glorious time choosing and purchasing and stroking my little girl's teeny weeny little DRESSES, and floral patterns, and little frills on things, and sweet shades of pink against whites or denims. And baby tights that match a pattern on a top/dress set!!!! Even the boys went, "Aaawwwwww!!" when I pulled that one out of the package one morning when the postman came! :) Whenever packages arrive they all stop playing and crowd round, shouting, "Baby girl clothes! Baby girl clothes!" How I love my boys! :)

When the first eBay package came, I took photos of the items in it, as I had promised a friend on Facebook that I would! So I have those to post here, for sweet memory's sake! It was a precious moment for me to receive my first "pink" package in the post, and a permanent memory treasure, so I'm glad to record it here with photos! :) They are all sized "newborn" and very soft and lovely! The dress is soft brownish cord with pink sequins on the embroidery, and buttons on the back in the shape of hearts and flowers! :)





Arthur constantly refers to Lydia as "my little sister", almost as though he's longing to use the term as often as possible while he doesn't have an actual name he can use. Part of me really wants to tell him her name! He finds an item of her clothing lying around and grabs it up, calling to me, "What shall I do with my little sister's top?" He says he doesn't think he can bear waiting until she's here!

One day last week, an eBay package arrived with a couple of outfits in size 3-6 months. One of them looked overly generous in size, though it was definitely 3-6 months (Marks and Spencer brand), and when I took it out and held it up, Arthur said, "That would fit Elijah!" I held it up against him (he was toddling along some furniture in the living room) and realised it would be a perfect fit!!! Arthur BEGGED me to put it on Elijah, "just to see", and so I did! I took photos. Arthur was fussing over him like crazy after I took them. Elijah kept wanting to do normal stuff and walk about and play, etc. and Arthur wouldn't stop following him and picking him up. He kept holding him in his arms, bouncing him a bit, saying how sweet he looked! I noticed he seemed to be holding him more tenderly and gently than usual, and he told me it was because Elijah seemed "different" with the baby girl clothes on. I asked in what way, and he said, "Just softer and sweeter... like he's a baby girl... I just can't wait until our baby girl is here!!!" Bless his heart! I don't know where he got the stereotypes from there, but they're straight from his heart/head, not influenced - I don't know how he could have influence in terms of gender-related things. There's only one gender of children here, they're homeschooled and watch no TV! They have watched TV in the past though, including advertisements. *sigh* Hate those things! Anyway, here are the photos of sweet lil 'Lijah in his baby sister's clothes - he looks so pretty and sweet, hehe!





I hadn't noticed until Ella mentioned it that he is being all dainty with his little pointy toe in the first photo, hehe! He wore the outfit for an hour or two, and then I thought I ought to probably change him out of it, since it was too warm for the weather and he'd dribbled on it pretty well in that time! ;) Here he is all "boy" again an hour later:



Sweet tiny manny! He's so tiny for his age!! I bought him his first shoes (at last, after a massive search!) this week - he fits size 2F (!!!) but I bought him size 2.5F as well because he's sure to be in those soon. So weeeeeeeeny!!

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired, and I'm sure I have a lot else to report on my pregnancy over the past week or two, but I can't think any more and I just need to get some sleep. I'm glad to have updated with the photos and the belly pics, and with how it feels to be having a baby GIRL (GIRL GIRL GIIIIIRRRRLLLL!!! Can't stop saying it like that still!) in the couple of weeks since we found out!

I will try to update again soon!

Friday, June 7, 2013

Scan update - IT'S A.....



The scan was really straightforward, total answer to prayer. There was a 15 minute delay when we arrived which they let us know right away and apologised, because there was a "problem" which would need 15 more minutes to sort out. Immediately we felt so sombre because we thought it was likely that some poor lady having her scan had discovered something wrong. A tear-stained lady came out about 15 minutes later and was showed to the Early Pregnancy Unit by a member of the reception staff. :( We just felt so sad for her, whatever the issue was, and I felt nervous about whether my own little one would be okay.

A few minutes later we were called in, and the lady commented on the enormity of my file, haha! It contains all my records from all my previous pregnancies and births, as they were made at the time. My file is FOUR INCHES thick with paperwork, and is held together with rubber bands. The funniest thing is that on the front cover it says in huge letters, "VOL. 2" hahaha! ;) That's just the second volume! She said she thinks they ought to start volume 3 because the rest of my pregnancy paperwork will never fit into volume 2! ;) I told her we had had a lot of babies, and she asked how many children we had. I said six, and she made impressed noises! Then she started the scan.

I wore - and I want to note it because I want to remember - I wore a DRESS. Never worn a dress to a scan before, because - how impractical?!! I really wanted to wear my denim pinafore (jumper, in the States) maternity dress because I love it, I feel pretty in it because it is a flattering shape to a baby bump, and because it suited the weather well. I wore it over a very pink maternity T-shirt, and I even wore pink underwear. I have my nails glittery, and my toenails glittered with my summer sandals on. On the way out I wanted to tie my hair back, and the first hairband I grabbed from the bowl was hot pink! ;) I felt REALLY silly for my internal thoughts, but in my heart I was thinking, "I'll feel silly if it's a boy, but impractical or not, I'm wearing this in honour of my DAUGHTER." I felt DAFT, seriously, but the feeling was nice and strong, so I went with it and enjoyed it for however long it was going to last! It was fun anyway! :)

So of course I had to hoist up my dress for the scan. I went with unbuttoning a section of it at first, but the sonographer just said, "Probably best to just lift the whole thing up, if that's okay." lol! So I did - I don't mind anyway. They put a ton of paper tucked into your underwear over your lap anyway.

She asked straight away if we wanted to know the sex of the baby, and I said, "Yes please!" She asked what we had already, and I said, "Six boys." She said, "Oh my goodness!" but was very laid-back about it really. We knew from previous scans that they always do all the measurements and checks first, and the gender check last of all. The scan takes at least 20 minutes even if everything is easy to spot and measure, so it's a while to wait to find out! At a couple of points during the scan, I was almost dizzy with anticipation and didn't know how I would bear it another second! Crazy. I am not normally like that at the scans, but then usually I am just waiting for confirmation that it's a boy, and this time is the first time I really thought we might be looking at our first baby girl - definitely exciting and the anticipation was difficult to bear at times!

It was so lovely seeing our little one! Straight away we could see a little heart beating strongly, and the first proper image we got (seconds into the scan) was this profile shot, which was clear enough for the sonographer to take a print of for us straight away:




The baby was so quiet, and as the lady pointed out, chin firmly on the chest! See those little pursed lips with how hard the chin was pressed down! Precious! :) I think the baby was asleep because, right after that the sonographer had to start being a bit more firm with the probey thing to get some head measurements and at that moment, the baby did a huge stretch! Huuuuuuge!! She said, "Baby's stretching its arm riiiight up over its head, can you see?" It was a real proper just-waking-up-from-a-deep-sleep stretch, with the arched spine and twist over to the side with the reaching arm and everything. The other arm was scrunched right in to the chest during that stretch - a proper waking stretch! :) She got a picture of the baby mid-stretch - you can't see the arm over the head though, but it's up there:




After that followed LOTS of very active wiggling, turning over and kicking about! She kept saying, "A right old wiggler!" and started to have a bit of trouble getting the measurements, but thankfully the baby didn't go too crazy for long, and settled down for patches here and there so measurements were easy to get done. The two head measurements (bi-parietal diameter and head circumference) were both dated as 20 weeks and 2 days (I'm 20 weeks and 3 days, so pretty spot on!). We saw the stomach full of fluid, and the baby's little mouth opening and closing sometimes. The baby turned its head this way and that - the lady said it was like the baby was shaking its head in response to her suggestion that we get some head measurements, lol!

She did a close-up on the baby's little face to check the upper lift for a cleft (none there), and OH it was so beautiful! I always love this particular view of my babies in utero. I wish we had a picture, but the alloted number for each person is 2 (cost £5 this time!!! Used to be £3 which was bad enough!), and she was kind enough to give us 3 as it was. The shape of this baby's nose and lips I have seen a LOT of times before. I look at them every day. They are definitely the same nose and lips as some of the big brothers (they look identical to the view of Matthew's which I DID get a picture of, at his scan), and it was lovely and warming to see such visual evidence before birth that this baby is definitely "one of mine"! :)

She showed us the legs and feet, and I was thinking, "I don't want to see any clues, I don't want to see any clues!" I soooo didn't want to accidentally see "something" before it was time to take a proper look. I wanted a full surprise! Then she showed us from underneath, where the umbilical cord joined the baby, and it took only a second to flash through the depth of field from below the baby to a cross-section of the abdomen, higher up. In that second I could have sworn I saw a flash of 3 lines between the legs, and NO protrusion at all, but it was a split second, and I put it out of my head as fast as I could.

Then we went back to an image of the baby, who was back in a relaxing position. The little hand was moving about near the baby's mouth, and she printed out another picture of that for us. I like the slightly open mouth, as though contemplating whether or not to suck those fingers or the thumb! :)






We saw the kidneys, feet (not curly! Yay!), and she measured the abdominal circumference (dated at 20 weeks and 4 days! Great!) and measured the little teeny bones in the arms and legs. The femur length was dated as 20 weeks and FIVE days! This baby is not going to be Arthur/Benjamin-shaped! They have bigger heads than average (2 weeks ahead!) and shorter legs (2 weeks behind!). The other body shape we do (Neil's) is all the measurements pretty much spot on for dates. So this baby seems to be following that pattern. The last baby I birthed with the bigger head pattern (Benjamin) had a FIFTEEN INCH head (I kid you not) at birth - to compare, Elijah's was 12.75 inches, on the small side of average. 15 inches = owch. So that part of the measurements of this particular baby is a nice thing! ;)

Then when all the measurements and things were done, she said, "Right then..." and we knew she was about to check the gender! :) I couldn't really tell what she was doing at first, although I couldn't see the usual evidence of gender that I was used to, so I wasn't sure what I was seeing at first, as she was changing the view quite a bit and I couldn't see the v-shape of the legs either side most of the time, so I wasn't sure if it was the right shot yet. Then she gave a sort of sigh (like a light-hearted one though), and said, "You'll have to have another one after this." I think my heart about stopped and I said slowly, "Whhyyyy?" in a doubtful sort of way, before I realised what she meant - I thought at first that she meant it was a boy and we'd have to have another one if we wanted a chance of a girl! She simply answered, "To keep this one company!" and then I realised what she meant and I went round-eyed and mouthed as she swung the screen that she was looking at around to face me - we were watching the one up just below the ceiling, and hers was right next to my head. She paused the scan at the perfect v-shaped legs shot. I wish I had a picture to show you, it was so clear, I could even draw it from memory, lol! V-shaped legs, NOTHING protruding whatsoever, and a flatness in between, with the classic 3 lines. There was a brief moment of silence and then I said, "It's a GIRL!!!" My voice broke on the word girl - I didn't expect to get tearful, but it suddenly overwhelmed me, all this emotion and joy and excitement. I never thought I would hear my own voice say (of one of my own children!), "It's a girl"!! I didn't cry and cry or anything, though I could have, ohhhhh I could have, lol! I tried not to, and wiped my eyes and blinked a lot and didn't speak for a while because I would have just criiiiieeed. I have been ultra weepy this past week at the slightest thing, so I figured hormones had a lot to do with it too! I didn't want to come out of the room looking all like something was wrong because I had been crying, and I didn't want to look like that when we arrived home either.

I was just flabbergasted, honestly, lost for words for a while as she continued the scan. The first thing I said was, "Are you SURE?!" although it was obvious obvious obvious what I was looking at. She smiled and went back to the live scan (not the paused picture) and we looked again. She changed the angle slightly and zoomed in a bit, and said, "Look, it's really clear - you can even see the labia clearly." Neil was so funny, he sort of went all uncomfortable and averted his eyes a bit, saying, "I don't feel like I should be looking at this!" hehehe! His first disbelieving comment, by the way, was, "How are we going to name her?!" because we've never agreed on girls names easily (or at all!) in the past! I had told him in the waiting area that I wasn't sure about Toby Joseph any more, and I didn't know what to do about it. He just listened and hmmmed and was generally understanding. I guess the wobble about Toby's name was because this baby wasn't a boy! :)

The sonographer had one more check over every part of the baby, while I didn't take much of it in at all from that point, as I felt almost physically giddy with the news we'd just had, and like almost in shock over it, lol! I couldn't concentrate on anything and I just kept saying, "I can't believe it!" if I said anything at all! At the very end of the scan, she said she would let us see again, and showed us the very obvious girly shot for the last time. :) Definitely a girl!

Soooo, since then we have come home, and told the boys and Heather. They all were crowding and jumping up and down, shouting and yelling, "What baby IS it?!!" as we came in the door. Some were at the kitchen table drawing, and Elijah was in the booster seat at the table having a snack and a drink, but Heather got him out straight away so I could give him a cuddle, as he'd got a bit grizzly in the last few minutes before we got home. Other than that, all six boys were fine and well-behaved while we were out, which was a relief! Samuel had seemed upset to see us go when we were about to leave, because he'd just woken from a spontaneous nap, and was a bit groggy, but apparently he was fine. Heather started reading them a story just as we left and they didn't even go to the window to see us leave - very reassuring! And then we weren't long - maybe 90 minutes from leaving the house to getting back there.

Anyway, we waited until we had all the boys around us, and they sat patiently on the sofa to hear the news. Heather sat on the school table, and I held Elijah. I said, "Our baby is.... a... GIRL baby!" and they all started making a lot of squealing and yelling noises (happy ones!) and Heather started whooping and cheering, and came right over to hug me, saying, "I KNEW it!" hehe! I asked her how she knew, and she said because my pregnancy had been different, even if subtly so. Morning sickness starting a bit early, and being a bit worse, etc. It was a happy moment! The boys all seemed thrilled and excited, but quickly went back to their activities they'd been doing before, so that's all good. Nobody was disappointed or anxious-looking. A sister! A sister for my boys! How wonderful! :)

The rest of the day has been filled with usual boy-wrangling, dinner, bedtime, and phoning various family members (and updating Facebook, which has been wonderful fun with all the lovely comments and messages!). I phoned my parents first and they were happy and excited. This baby is their 10th grandchild (they only have two children - never in their wildest dreams would they have expected probably even half the number of grandchildren, haha!), and only their second granddaughter. My brother's eldest, Thea, is six, and she now has two little brothers, ages 3, and 6 months. On Neil's side, his two sisters are the only ones with children. One sister has two daughters, aged nearly 8, and nearly 5. The other has a 2-year-old daughter. It's so nice to have a girl for both sides of the family! :) It's the 10th grandchild for Neil's mum too!

I have already had people saying they'll send their baby girl clothes that they've had in the loft (two lots of girl cousin clothes from different family members, and some offers from friends as well), and I told my mum I thought we might be a bit inundated with girly clothes - which is wonderful because we're on quite a tight budget and it will be a blessing to get nice girly clothes (obviously we have none!) without paying any money for them. She didn't say anything much to that, and I said that of course I still wanted to buy some cute little outfits, to which she said, "Oh YES! Mummy (meaning her) will be going to Monsoon!" lol! I hope she doesn't break the bank! She loves shopping for her granddaughter, and has always said she would love to do the same for a daughter of mine.

Neil's mum was excited, Heather's daughter could be heard squealing for AGES down the phone, which amused the boys no end, lol! And my brother was suitably high-pitched with excitement when I phoned him this evening too! :) This is so. much. lovely fun! I would ABSOLUTELY have been joyful and excited to be having a baby boy as well, and would have enjoyed telling everyone, but I admit (and feel somewhat guilty for doing so) that it's MUCH MORE fun to get to tell everyone that the baby is a girl. I think it's just because we've never done it before though, you know?

So, as far as names go... We didn't have ANY idea. The only name I had in my head up until today was Maisie, and I knew Neil didn't like that one.

This evening we chatted briefly about it and I said that it was going to be really hard to name her! I had no idea, and nor did Neil. I said I would set out to make a shortlist but that he would probably veto everything, and then he'd make a shortlist and I'd veto the lot, lol! That's what we've done in the past! So, while he caught up on his online stuff, I started wading through girl names on various websites. I didn't go through all the letters of the alphabet, but I was able to make a fairly good-sized shortlist of the letters I did look at:

Maisie
Rachel
Rosalie
Sophie
Charlotte
Bella
Elizabeth (Beth)
Isabelle
Johannah
Josie
Lydia

I just wanted something that I found pretty and girly, as well as (preferably) with a nice meaning. I didn't give any of those names much thought, just jotted them down as I saw them. Elizabeth is Neil's mum's middle name and we were not sure what to do about the middle name situation for our baby girl, because we don't want to use two middle names (we just don't), and yet we wanted to name our first baby girl after my mum (Jane) and the second after Neil's mum (Averil) - but what if this is our ONLY baby girl?! We don't want to never use one of our mother's names. I wondered about using Elizabeth as a first name with Jane as the middle one, but we aren't enamoured enough with Elizabeth to do that, I think.

I told Neil my shortlist at the end of the evening, and he listened carefully and then asked me to read them again. He said he liked Sophie, Josie and Lydia, and maybe Elizabeth (we would use a derivative of the name for actual daily use with our little one). He asked me to find and read out the meanings of each of those names, so I did. Sophie means wisdom. Elizabeth is "God is my vow", Josie is listed as the female version of Joseph, which we both lit up to when we read it, and I love that because it means "He will enlarge" (as in, family size - more children). And Lydia means "of noble sort" or it can mean "from Lydia" as in the town.

We talked about girly-ness, and the feel of the various names, and the way they go with our surname and potential middle name choices, and the rest of the children's names when we say them all together, and SUDDENLY we had a certainty about it. One name stood out and we both realised that we loved it! Neil came back in after that decision and said the name again, and then said, "That's the one. It's too pretty." and that is exactly how I feel about it. I feel like we should sleep on it in case we feel differently tomorrow, but for tonight I am SO EXCITED about the name because I love it so much. I am nervous to share in case I change my mind and choose something else, but I'm too excited not to (it's a big deal, choosing and deciding on my first daughter's name!) so I'm going to share here anyway.

Our baby girl is called Lydia Jane. I want to say "for now", lol! It still feels so surreal to think that we have a girl at ALL, so naming a girl feels not real at all. Maybe we will change her name yet, there's plenty of time. But every time I say it out loud or think it in my head, I fall in love with it that little bit more, and something inside me scrunches up with joy and makes me want to squeal a bit! ;)

Lydia. Lydia Jane. It goes with our surname, and the list of boys' names. Neil wondered about Lydia Averil Jane, but then he said, "Lydia Jane.... nah, it's just too pretty like that. Lydia Jane it is!" :) I said, "We'll just have to have some more babies." and he seemed okay with that idea! ;) I said my favourite name to go with Averil is Grace - Grace Averil. I like the idea of calling her Gracie. He likes it too, so maybe God will bless us with another daughter yet and we'll have the opportunity to honour both of our mothers. I hope his mum won't mind, this time... I know mine will be thrilled, but she did say today on the phone that I mustn't feel "required of" to use her name for a middle name, as I'd told her we wanted to years ago. She was worried it would restrict us, and she also didn't want us to leave Neil's mum out.

But I'm so so happy with Lydia Jane. I love the name Lydia, more and more every time I think of it. It's so soft and girly, but simple and short. I immediately know I will end up calling her Lydie a lot. When I put my hand on my bump and whisper, "Lydia", just to get a feel for it, my heart swells so that I might possibly explode. Or implode. Or something pressure-related. It's almost too much to take in, all in one day - one afternoon! Just a few hours. A girl! A name! A million gorgeous happy compliments and messages. Happy family members. The blessing of a healthy baby, growing right on target. The absolute desire of my heart, that God knew I longed for - a daughter. MY daughter. My OWN daughter. I can't comprehend it, this amount of blessing from such a loving and gracious God. I know He is just laughing for joy at my happy disbelieving heart - I can feel it. I love Him so very much! I'm so grateful for my healthy baby girl! I will probably not believe it properly for quite some time to come, and maybe my posts are going to be a bit heavy on the GIRL front for a while as I process it, but oh well! ;)

My head is aching so much, and my cheeks/jaw too, probably from all the overexcitement and smiling a lot (have I been?! I guess I must have!), and it's ridiculously late now, but it's the weekend so it could be worse! ;) I planned to go to bed and update tomorrow, because of my headache, but when it came to it I just COULDN'T without venting the whooooole thing here first! :) I'm glad I did!

I will update again soon! I'm having a GIRL! I just can't believe it! :D

Thursday, June 6, 2013

20 weeks, 2 days

I'm going to bed now, but I had to come here and say:

MY SCAN IS TOMORROWWWWWWWWW!!!! :D

So excited to see my little one, and finally know (hopefully!) one way or the other whether I am having a boy or a girl. I look at my 12 week scan pictures, at the nub shots, and think, "Well, it just HAS to be a girl, surely?!" and then I think that I can't FATHOM tomorrow going ahead and finding out it's a girl, not REALLY truly actually. I mean, like it's impossible, lol! So I remember that the nub shots were quite early for the theory to be accurate, and then I'm right in the 50/50 camp again, not able to lean one way or the other. I think I am going to be surprised whichever gender the baby turns out to be, for different reasons! ;) I will be so surprised if it's a boy because of my gut feeling and the nub shots. Soooo surprised. But I will be flat-out SHOCKED if it's a girl, because I feel well seasoned at having babies and scans and pregnancies now, and I can't really remember a time properly when I wasn't doing this now... And yet, alllllll of that - my only experience has been as a mummy to BOYS! So, shocked, yes.

I just can't wait to know, one way or the other! I am excited to know if the baby is a boy, even though I would love to have a girl.

The only thing is that this week I am suddenly having niggling doubts about the name Toby Joseph... Not sure why, maybe now that it's really close to actually GIVING the name to a real live baby and it being HIS from then on, maybe it feels like I shouldn't, you know? Maybe it feels like it's already Toby David's name and so it doesn't feel right as it becomes more real. I don't know. Or maybe I'm just having a random wobble (seriously hormonal again these past few days, just another burst of them I think, as I'm feeling irritable and weepy a lot and not awfully tolerant of noises and breastfeeding and so on.) and everything will be perfectly fine with using that name as soon as we find out it's a boy? Or maybe the wobble about the name is because it's not a boy?! ;) I will know tomorrow!!! Wheeee! So exciting!!

Most of all, I hope he or she is healthy. I always feel so nervous as the 20 week scan approaches, especially as I've had so many babies already. Totally irrational, I'm sure, but I tend to get the feeling that statistically, since I've already had so many healthy babies, maybe something will be wrong with this next one. This time my concern (paranoia?!) about it means that we're taking the digital voice recorder with us so that if something is wrong (it's just Neil and I going, all the boys are staying home with Heather) and we have to see a consultant right after the scan, I know I will want Heather to be there, and because she can't, at least I will be able to record the entire discussion and she can play it back without me having to remember all the important details, or emotionally exhaust myself dragging through everything that was said, and be up to date on everything. Crazy, I know. But it will set my mind at rest to take it with us.

Anyway, I hope I have a healthy little baby in there, and that he or she cooperates beautifully for the scan! I really want to be back with my boys without too much delay, and we've had one or two babies in the past who haven't been in a useful enough position for measuring important things like the heart, and we've ended up taking hours at the hospital walking around while the next couple of ladies get scanned, to try and encourage the baby into a better position! Also, I reeeeally hope it's not difficult to get a good clear view of the gender! :)

If the baby is a boy, I can't say for sure any more that his name will automatically be Toby Joseph, with how I've been feeling this week. I haven't had chance to talk to Neil about it, but if we find out that it's a boy tomorrow, I know we'll be able to talk it over then, and I'll update here with our thoughts on it when I share news and photos in my next entry. We shall see.

Other bits of news so that I don't forget: I weighed 10 stone exactly yesterday, 3lbs less than before the tummy bug, which feels like weeks ago now. I can't remember my initial weight at the beginning of the pregnancy, so I've no idea how much I've gained so far, but thankfully I DON'T CARE! ;)

My bump has had a growth spurt this week, and I look DEFINITELY pregnant now. I make a proper pregnant shape under a maternity dress, which is nice! :) I had a sudden urge for glittery nails this week so have painted my toenails with the same sparkly stuff that I bought to go into labour with Elijah! I put the same on my fingernails too, which I don't think I have done since I was a really little girl and my mummy painted my nails for me one time. I have been a terribly heavy-duty nail-biter since early childhood, and the only time I ever manage to grow my nails is when I'm pregnant and morning sick, lol! I can't stand to put my fingers anywhere near my mouth when I'm morning sick, so my nails grow well for months. Right now I think I am back out of morning sickness - I can finally eat things with onions in without paying for it with nausea, and generally feel fine, but I do get a bit queasy when I go to bite my fingers/nails, so maybe it's juuuuust hanging in there a bit. Anyway, bonus - lovely looking strong nails! They are very strong this pregnancy - I can open tin cans with just my nail and the ring pull! :) So I smile every time I look at my hands and see the light catch the glitter on my nails. I am truly girly at heart! :)

Baby is kicking about quite a lot now, and it's easy to feel with my hand. I am LOVING it! :) I'm noticing Braxton Hicks contractions quite a lot as well now, sometimes distracting with the squeezy uncomfy feeling, but usually just a mild sensation. More if I'm dehydrated at all, or if I do too much physically (already!). The back of my pelvis hurts from taking the boys out to the park and pushing the tandem pushchair (with a helper!) yesterday, which isn't brilliant at 20 weeks, but oh well! Such is life, and I'm grateful that I recover between pregnancies. My friend with 6 children who we visit sometimes, has constant pelvic/SPD issues even between pregnancies, and her babies are spaced 2 years apart. :( So I'm glad to have some recovery between my pregnancies.

Okay it's late, and I need to get to bed! I can't think of anything else. No cravings to note, no particular food aversions or preferences. Very run-of-the-mill, lol!

I will update tomorrroooowwwww, yay!!!! :D