27 weeks, 4 days - hello 3rd trimester!!!

Another gap that's longer than I would have liked to leave it, tsk. But here I am anyway! It's Easter and the boys are out for a walk. The atmosphere is horrible and heavy and it's making all of us feel heavy and exhausted and sleepy and irritable and restless. Urgh. I really don't like it when the weather is like this! It's not the WEATHER as such, just some sort of weird "air" - pressure maybe? I don't know. Anyway, it's horrible and this is the second day running (today is worse though). I hope it changes soon!

I have reached my final trimester of pregnancy!!!!! How in the wiiiide world?!?!?! It just amazes me that I'm here, at this stage. I can't fathom being actually near to my due date. But there are less than 8 weeks to go until the time I gave birth to Nathan, and less than 10 weeks till I reach full-term. Just under 13 weeks to go till my DUE DATE! Amazing. I know that time will fly by, and then I will actually go ahead and really and truly have another baby! *boggle*

Baby Tiny is now around the 2lb mark, and measures 14.5 inches from head to heel!! He's getting so big. Talking of which, he's getting so big!!! Seriously. This weather thing is not helping, but just this week I have plopped right into 3rd trimester mode, and suddenly feel heavy, exhausted and breathless practically all the time. It was a lovely 4-day week this week (in terms of Neil at work) because of Good Friday, but 3 of those 4 days, I was absolutely forced to lie on the sofa by 2pm (same time each day, pretty much) because I honestly could not keep my eyes open. All the email pregnancy updates and books MOCK me, saying how I need to make sure I have a nap every afternoon from this stage of pregnancy onwards, because I will probably be noticing how my body needs it, etc, etc. How badly does that mock the mother of many small children, who has no choice but to stay awake while the kids who don't nap stay awake too, however desperately and achingly and tearfully she needs it! It kind of makes it more frustrating that the mother of many small children who CAN'T nap actually needs to nap during pregnancy way more than the first-time pregnant mama to whom the advice is referring (who still needs to nap, but I'm just saying!)! Tsk.

So, I'm really feeling exhausted and overwhelmed this past week. I'm not dealing with run-of-the-mill stuff at all well, like the boys' behaviour (see other blog - not even going to post a link because it's a bit too shameful even!), stuff not happening when I want it to, and incessantly crying/whining little ones. Even with Neil home this long weekend (and thus his huuuuge support when the boys are being difficult), I am losing it easily. In the week I just would get angry at the boys more. Now I am still feeling angry, but also despairing, which is a new degree of hormonal helplessness! ;) This weekend was I think the first time the boys have been difficult (read: horrible) and I have just cried and sobbed right in front of them, because I had absolutely nothing else left and was suddenly OVERWHELMED with emotion and could not for the life of me have waited till I was upstairs somewhere more private, or stemmed the flow even a little bit. Even when all was resolved and calm again (some time later) I was still going, and had to make considerable effort to pull myself together otherwise I think I would have kept on crying and sobbing for a good hour or two. I kid you not! I just feel so fragile emotionally and weighed down hormonally right now. I'm sure it's just pregnancy, but it's not any fun right now! Hopefully it'll balance out again soon.

I had an unexpected midwife appointment this week, which I totally meant to write about at the time, but just haven't had time to unless I'd have stayed up crazy late to do so. I think it must have been the day after my last entry here or something - it was last Sunday, so I was 26 weeks and 4 days. I had a really bad headache all day that wouldn't go away. I took 3 rounds of painkillers (as in, every 4 hours, 3 times), none of which even touched it. I also felt a bit dizzy and wanted to blink more than usual (sounds weird I know), but can't say that I had any visual trouble as such. During the afternoon, I felt like I was really retaining water more than usual in my face, and wondered if that was the cause of my headache - just fluid retention in my head or something? My face felt tight around my eyes when I blinked, and just puffy in general. Neil really noticed it and commented on it several times, saying how suddenly it had come up. I googled and discovered that water retention in the FACE is not a good thing, especially presenting with other symptoms like headaches. So around 5pm I thought maybe I should take my blood pressure in case my headache was b/p-related. It was 135/75 which worried me a little bit because that's on the high side for me (I'm usually 100/60, give or take 10 points or so) even though it still falls in the normal range as far as blood pressure goes. I took it on the other arm (arms are always different!) and it was 125/65 - not so bad. Then I used on of my urinalysis sticks and tested my urine. It contained no sugar, but one plus of protein, and a trace of blood. I haven't been spotting at ALL so I didn't think it was contamination.

Because of the bad headache, swelling in my face, and protein in my urine, I decided to call my midwife team. They suggested I come in to the hospital where one of them could check me. I asked them if it was urgent or if I could do dinner and bedtime for the boys first. I thought it would not go so well for them if I disappeared at that particular point in the day! I know I might not always be able to guarantee this, but Mummy is ALWAYS here for dinner and bedtime, every single day. Always. The only exception being the time I was having Nathan in the hospital, but that's IT, since we had little ones at all! I would much rather keep this going if it's okay that I go in later to be checked, so I asked, and they said that was okay.

So we had dinner, and then the boys were HORRIBLY difficult to get to bed. Necessary discipline went on for EVER to sort out the whole palava, and so their bedtime was later than usual. Nathan went to bed on time, but the other two weren't in bed till 8.30, and even then they weren't asleep. I came downstairs to get my notes and get going to the hospital, but I sat down for a moment and just did not want to go, at all. I felt exhausted and my head hurt so much. I didn't want to be driving off for who-knows-how-long in the hospital, and it was getting late - I didn't want to increase the risk of being kept in overnight. I didn't want to put myself or the baby at risk (if there was one), but I also just wanted to rest at home with my headache. So I phoned my midwife team again, and told them this. They agreed to let me stay home that evening, but made me an appointment at the antenatal clinic for the next day. They said if anything got any worse or I just didn't feel right, I had to call them straight back and go in. So, phew, that was okay. Nothing got worse. My face started to feel less tight and puffy somewhere around 11pm, but my headache stayed.

In the morning it was still there, but not so bad as it had been. Neil came home at lunchtime (it was a 1pm appt) and watched the boys so that I didn't raise my blood pressure hauling them to the appointment! Which was so helpful. He ended up staying home for the afternoon and working from home that evening, because we didn't know if they'd want me to go to the Day Assessment Unit after the appointment, and I know from last pregnancy that it takes HOURS to get out of there!

But, the appointment went fine! Yay! My blood pressure was 116/60, thankfully! And the midwife wasn't concerned about any swelling at that time. I did a fresh urine sample which had NO protein, but it did have one plus of blood, a little more than the trace my test had shown the night before. Hmmm. She asked if I'd been spotting, and said it was likely just contamination, but I said I had not been spotting. She said if the blood continues to be present then they will probably add a kidney function test to my battery of blood tests coming up at the 28-week appointment, just to be on the safe side. So, everything seemed fine with the blood pressure and she just said if painkillers weren't touching my headaches, I might talk to my GP and ask for something stronger that's safe during pregnancy. I don't think I will bother though, unless they get frequent or debilitating. I'd rather not take any medication if I can help it.

So I had an appointment at 27 weeks! :) That was nice, especially since I will go back only one week later for my routine 28 week appointment! I like that little extra visit there! My 28 week appointment is this Wednesday. Oh! I just realised that I forgot to ask if they could do it at home. Oh well. I am not looking forward to taking the little ones with me at all, but it's a Sure Start centre so there's a huge playgroup play area with the midwife's office right off it, and she said the boys can play there while I'm being seen. I don't know if they'll all be happy to though, or at least not without regularly barging in and interrupting the appointment while I'm on the table, on display to the rest of the playgroup area! Nathan will definitely not want to be out of my sight, and that's okay. He'll also cry when the midwives look at him even. He's at that stage.

The midwife also checked my tummy, and I was measuring 26 weeks, and baby boy is finally HEAD DOWN - wheeee! I'm so very excited about that because, even though I know he could happily flip all over the place still for some time yet, he really hasn't been head down at all so far. He has been transverse, breech and oblique all the time, and I was starting to get nervous! So it was great to hear he was head down at last! Even more wonderfully, he hasn't moved out of the head-down position since my appointment!! Yay! He is head down all the time now, and I'm glad, except for the extra weight and pressure feeling in my pelvis all the time - which is probably compounded by just how fast this boy is GROWING lately! Yikes!

His heartrate was good (no number) and strong, and it was hard to get a good reading because he was so active in there, wiggling and flumping and shifting, and thumping the doppler constantly!

I am getting a GBS (Group B Strep) test at 36 weeks - as the midwife put it, "Presuming you haven't already given birth by then!"!!!! I hope this baby stays put till the expected arrival time! It was a bit nerve-wracking last time when Nathan arrived early, and I think I would rather it all go according to plan this time! ;) Although, it did last time, of course. It was utterly God's plan that he was born that very day, and had been from the dawn of time :) I just had no idea, that's all, hehe! If my waters don't unexpectedly break, then I am looking at delivering after my due date (fun, fun) because that's just what I do. Usually! ;) Anyway, I'm eager to know whether I still have the GBS this time. I easily could. But I hope I don't. I'd just rather not get the bags and bags of IV antibiotics, and have the option of birthing at home - though I am really not sure if that's what I want right now. If I am GBS+ again, she said they would advise me to go into hospital for IV antibiotics during labour, as before. Last time I was all up to fight that, until the unexpected early delivery. This time, I really don't mind. Where I am when I give birth and whether or not I get IV stuff matters far less to me this time compared with, "How the HECK will I get through it?!?!" urrrrgh. I'm really somewhat dreading it. It's so fast and painful and completely (no really, I can't actually put it into words) unbearable. The sloooooowwww slowness with Arthur was actually more bearable than the bulleting baby thing I have had going on since my first baby! And I'm not sure how to brace myself and bear it again this time. But anyway, there's time to think about that yet (says the midwife). Time seems to be disappearing fast, if you ask me! Eeep.

But I can't WAIT to meet him! And find out his name! I just don't know what it will beee! I think Benjamin for now, but without any sort of firm decisiveness. I still think Noah some of the time, and regularly rub my belly and ask the little one within if he's a Noah or a Benjamin. He doesn't signal either way, so I'm still in the dark! ;) I did a poll recently on a Baby Names board, and got about 100 votes - 60/40 split in favour of Benjamin. Most of the commenters (about 11 or 12 I think) said they preferred Noah though. Hey ho, we'll eventually know! :)

Baby boy has been extremely active lately, way more than I was prepared for! He's kicking me hard now, and even when I'm up and walking about, a swift thud from my tiny boy's foot actually jars me a little as I walk, if it's out to my front or sides (which it usually is now that he's head down all the time). He also pokes very sharp parts of himself out at times and those actually HURT my skin! He thumps my bladder and cervix with his hands and that is not comfortable, but I love alllll of it! It's just the best best BEST thing to have a little tiny person busily exercising little limbs inside your very own body! So amazing. I could never get tired of it, and it's as fresh and wonderful every pregnancy as the first time I felt it.

He is practising breathing a LOT at the moment. Sometimes I see my belly doing a little quick panting movement where his back is - updown, updown, updown updown - my heart goes to MUSH when I see that, just like it always did with my other babies! So sweet! He is getting hiccups a lot more now that he's practising his breathing so very much - usually 4 or so times a day at the moment. The last two days he has had hiccups 5 or 6 times each day! He sometimes really gets agitated when he gets hiccups, and thrashes around wildly, like he's annoyed about it or trying to escape the hiccups or something! Arthur was exactly like that in the womb, and he used to get hiccups 5+ times a day as a norm.

All the boys have felt him kick and wiggle about now, and Arthur felt his hiccups today! The hiccups are really clear and easy to feel now, and today I could clearly see my belly "hiccuping" just by laying on the sofa and watching it! It was blipping away gently :)

I haven't had any bothersome headaches since that bad one, and that one itself cleared up later in the day after my midwife appointment. I am definitely retaining water more than I was at 26 weeks, but that's the way it goes with pregnancy (or me, anyway!) from this stage onwards. I think I recall looking really puffy in the face at 34 weeks compared with before then, and it stays unfortunately :( My wedding ring still fits but it can be tight at times now, and I've noticed my fingers and toes looking slightly sausagey if I get too warm in the evenings sometimes. What fun June and July will be if there's a heatwave this summer!! I just really can't wait!! (sarcasm fully intended)

I'm trying to think if there's anything else, but my head has gone empty. Oh well. I'm sure there is! But I'll write more next time I update, if I remember by then. I will be 28 weeks (TWENTY-EIGHT WEEKS!!!!!) on Wednesday, and I'll update about the midwife appointment. I have a lot of blood drawn at that appointment, and I'm refusing the usual Anti-D injection, as per last pregnancy and the discovery of a rhesus negative husband! ;)

Oh, I did get a belly picture for 26 weeks, though it was taken at 26 weeks and a few days, but I didn't post it till just now. It was on the camera and I hadn't had chance to upload it till tonight. Anyway, it's in the belly gallery now. I can't believe I need to take another one in just 3 days!

And I nearly forgot to say - my comment about the twin girls next time last entry... it wasn't just a weird thing that popped in my head. I can't even remember if I've mentioned it before actually. I'll check my older entries and be back in a minute. Nope, I never did! I browsed old diary entries for aaaages (ahhh, sweet, misty-eyed memory lane! *sigh*), and the boys came home so I'm now continuing this in the evening with the boys in bed for the night.

Okay I never said it before in my diary because it just seemed tooooo crazy to the point of daftness. I remember I did not even mention the fact that I prayed about future babies when Nathan was 3 weeks old, until several weeks later, for the same reason. That time, I was holding Nathan in my arms upstairs in the bedroom. He was sleeping, and I was ADORING him and praising God for such a sweet and wonderful blessing! It was such a precious moment. Without even planning or meaning to, my words of thanksgiving to God began to be prayers for future blessings - praying for the next baby, that God would be pleased to bless me with more children! I started to ask God if he would be pleased to bless me with a baby girl, and to tell him that I would rejoice over another baby boy if that was his will - and then right at that moment, I literally felt/heard an almost audible voice (you guys have read about this before, I think I've posted about it 2 or 3 times now, in some way or another) that said, "The next baby is Benjamin". Just like that. Followed by absolute silence - "stunned" silence, on my part, hehe! I was so amazed to hear such a clear and unexpected statement, and I believed it to be God's voice. So, from that moment, I KNEW we would be having a baby boy next, and felt confident that his name would be Benjamin. Hmmm, re-living that moment is a real reminder that this baby really SHOULD be named Benjamin, I think! I mean, for that very reason, we WILL be using the name Benjamin, either as his first or middle name. But maybe it was so clear and obvious - no matter the hurdles about the name Benjamin for this baby, maybe God has just SAID. That IS to be his name. Hmmm. I need to think and pray some more, and talk it through with Neil. But I do like Noah Benjamin as well :) Noah means "rest" and "comfort" and although he was very very laid-back at the nuchal scan and I didn't even feel his movements for much longer than the other boys, he is now very much NOT a restful baby! ;) So, the name meaning fits less now. Well, we'll see.

ANYWAY, my point was this: I mentioned the prayer time when Nathan was 3 weeks old a few times here before, to point out the whole Benjamin thing. I NEVER mentioned the bit where I felt like after Nathan might come twin girls, because - how nuts?! How unlikely?! And how quick I am to doubt or question when I feel like God MIGHT have revealed something to me that I couldn't possibly know (like when Nathan was a boy, at 8 weeks pregnant, or when this baby was going to be Benjamin, 8 months before he was even conceived! I doubted after those times too. *sigh*). There are no twins in my family. We don't DO girls, hehe! It wasn't a real fanfare voice from God thing like the moment before that when I heard him tell me about Benjamin. So right then and there, I quickly put it down to my mind wandering, or wishful thinking. Although, I have never wished for twins! I'm scared silly of having twins, on all counts - pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum bit where I have enough small children to make my head spin a bit! ;) Even if twins were my FIRST pregnancy, I would be scared as to how in the wide world to handle two newborn babies, or two colicky babies, or two newly mobile babies, or two tantrumming babies, or two - you get the picture?! Let alone all of the above AS WELL AS 4 little boys! So no, I have not been wishing! But it was so random, and I wondered. Then I put it aside as just something weird from my own head. Until I told Neil about the prayer time later that day, about the next baby being Benjamin. He said that he wondered if we'd have twin girls after Benjamin, and I did feel a little hot/cold when he said that! I told him that weirdly enough, that's the thought that popped into my head. We have mentioned it briefly maybe 3 or 4 times over the year that followed.

These last two months, for some reason I know not, the whole "twin girls after this one" thing has resurfaced in my mind a few times. I find myself daydreaming about it sometimes, and quickly try to shake myself and go back to what I was doing when I notice I'm doing it! I put it down to not having a daughter yet, and the fact that I would like one - I'm NOT desperate to have a baby girl. I would LOVE to have one! But I would happily be mama to boys only if that's the way it goes. I won't "try for a girl", because I just want babies of any gender that God sees fit to bless us with. And, let's face it, I LOVE having boys! :) They're all so cute and cuddly, and it's what I know.

So, yesterday Arthur was snuggling up on the sofa next to me and my large bump :) Wiggly boy was wiggling and Arthur was feeling him move about for a while. We had a long talk, because he wanted to hear about how babies are born again (he knows it well, but likes to hear it from time to time). He wants me to give birth HERE in the living room, not in the hospital. He will go and stand over by the kitchen doorway and say, "This is where Matthew and I will stand to watch!" hehe! I always remind him that there will be a) mess (he doesn't like mess, so I need to remind him that's what he'll see!) and b) a lot of noise that Mummy makes. He lately wants me to make a lot of noise as if I'm having the baby, so that we can all play "the new baby is coming!", bless his heart! He's so excited. But I don't know how to make him understand the NOISE that Mummy will make! I tell him that I don't want to scare him or the little boys, with my noise, but it's a LOT of noise and it seems like Mummy is scared or hurting a LOT when she makes all that noise, so they might not like it! We talked a lot about pain in labour, and why it's there. He didn't look happy about it, but I made light of it and told him it's just the way it is, even the Bible says that's how it is, and Mummy doesn't mind because she is just so happy to have her babies in her arms at the end of it! It was so worth it every time. That's what I tell him. He seems happier about it then.

But anyway. After this long discussion, he came back and sat next to me on the sofa again, quiet for a moment. Then he gasped and said, "What if it's TWIN babies in your tummy!" I reminded him that our baby is only ONE baby, and we know that for sure - one boy baby. He said, "But next time, what if it's twin babies! How will they get out?!" I did not want to go into C-sections and all that jazz, so I just told him that they often come out the same way one baby does, just one at a time - they take turns! ;) He thought about this, and then sat back and said, "I think we should have twin babies next!" He paused and then leapt up again with another "I've had a thought!" type of gasp, and said, "We'll have five babies if this baby is twin babies!" (I reminded him again that this baby is ONE BOY BABY! But he continued...) "Matthew, that's one.... Arthur, that's two.... Nathan, that's three.... The first twin, that's four.... and the second twin, that's FIVE babies!!" He sat back looking stunned and contemplative for a few seconds, then shook his head knowingly, "We'll need five grown-ups." Hehe! I said, "But Arthur, there's only Mummy. And Daddy, when he's not at work." He paused again, thoughtfully, and shook his head in the same worldly wise manner, and said, "Well, I'll have to do start doing a lot of work then!" ;) I told him that it WOULD be a lot of work if we had twins with all the boys we already have, and that I would be ever so glad of his help. But did he realise that twins would be very very hard work? I reminded him that he finds it frustrating when a baby messes up his games, or when they cry all the time when they're tiny, needing Mummy a lot. Or when Mummy spends ages upstairs settling a baby for naps. And so on. I told him that with twins, there are TWO babies doing this all the time! He nodded, thoughtfully. And then I said that if Mummy had twin babies in her tummy, she might need to lie down a LOT of the time, and she might be extra tired and perhaps not feel so well, because it would be very hard work to grow and carry two babies at once! So that might not be easy for him either. He nodded again and then spent a while quiet by my side. I figured the conversation was over and he had some food for thought.

After a couple of minutes, he piped up confidently, "I think we should have twin babies next time!" I felt so taken aback that I didn't know how to answer him! I just said that if he really wanted twin babies he ought to ask God about it. Arthur never prays. He gets shy and doesn't want to, and we never make him. But instantly he scrunched his eyes closed, and said out loud, "God.... I just want you to make twin babies for Mummy's tummy.... God.... I would like twin babies please. Amen." Then he opened his eyes and smiled with such confidence! He said, "I will pray for girl twins." I sort of stammered a question along the lines of, "But I thought you liked just having brothers?" and he said we didn't have any girl babies yet. He did express a bit of concern about his decision though, saying that girl babies might not do what he wanted them to, haha! I said that was true of boy babies too, and it didn't make a difference whether it was girl babies or boy babies on that sort of thing!

So I wanted to make note of that rather scary conversation, lol! I told Neil about Arthur's prayer later and he sort of visibly paled (hehe!) and immediately referred to how it's something we have felt might happen too. However, Arthur has said things about babies and such in the past that seemed kind of prophetic and goose-bumply at the time but which have not come to light (Beth-nee coming after Nay-fan, for example!), but it's the first time he has honestly prayed to God about it. And I for one know that God tends to answer the heartfelt prayers of little children! I have actually been praying about it since, that if that's God's wonderful plan for us, he would enable me physically, and equip me for the 6-children-in-6-years type of situation (WONDERFUL, but aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!), and just prepare me to be emotionally ready and not afraid. With twins, I'm afraid of how my body will manage the pregnancy, and moreover for the actual babies - there are so many more risks for twins, especially identical twins. And the idea of newborn twins maybe 18 months after this baby is born, with the little boys I already have.... right now it's SCARY and overwhelming! It may very likely not remotely happen at all! God may be completing our family with Benjamin (or Noah?!), Neil may say NO MORE and I will have to honour that, or we may have a big age gap next, or just our usual one with yet another sweet boy, hehe! But I want to be ready, if God chooses to bless our socks off with twins. So, I did mention it last entry very casually, but there's more behind it than I let on, and I thought I would spill about it this time! ;)

Now I've spent half the day writing this, and I need a glass of water anyway, so I will stop for now! Back soon! :)

26 weeks, 3 days! Nearly the end of my 2nd trimester!

I'm still here! I can't believe it has been a couple of weeks since I updated - so bad of me! :( I am not that motivated to write here like I used to be. I need to move to Blogger with this diary like I have with my arthursmummy one. Diaryland is so quiet now.

Well I'm doing fine! I can NOT believe that I only have FOUR DAYS to go till my 3rd trimester starts!!!!!! It's so surreal and I honestly can't get my head around it properly! I feel so busy and distracted from pregnancy all the time, and at the same time it's going by sooooooo fast.

I haven't even taken my belly picture for 26 weeks yet! I'd better get that sorted with Neil tomorrow, then it will just be 4 days late rather than completely missed out!

My next midwife appointment should be at 28 weeks - not long now! I need to phone and arrange it though. I'm going to ask if she can come to my house to do the appointment, because she suggested the possibility last time, and it would be soooo helpful. Right now, taking all 3 boys out to something like an appointment is kind of exhausting and stressful, and to have the option of her coming here would be wonderful in comparison! I hope she'll be happy to do that.

I'm really eager for someone to check on the baby's position, because I am having a hard time pinpointing it. I know it's not that relevant to anything this early on, but still, I'm curious and I want to know these things!

A couple of things are different from what I remember from my previous pregnancies:

I am bigger at 26 weeks than any of my other 26 week belly pictures. I know I may well take a picture tomorrow and put it up here and compare, and it will look pretty much the same as the other pregnancies at that stage, BUT I really do feel bigger, and Neil is commenting on it too. I stick out more. The baby seems to have had a big growth spurt since my last belly picture at 24 weeks, or maybe a couple of them! Just these last few days I have noticed a change in how big I feel (and look, according to Neil, and my protesting waistlines on maternity jeans that I was still wearing at 28 weeks in my previous pregnancy belly pics!), and just today and yesterday I have been really aware of how much stronger the baby's movements have suddenly become - "bigger" movements too.

It's hard to tell the baby's position because he is kicking all over the place like he has legs to the left, right, top and bottom! ;) Also, I am (unusually) having a hard time telling which type of limb just jabbed me. Normally I can clearly tell hand or foot, or even knee/elbow, long before now.

I actually wonder if I have more amniotic fluid this time? It's a wild guess, but when I recline and bare my tummy to enjoy watching and feeling the baby kick about and wiggle, it's just like a big round waterbed, seriously. Big kicks don't really show, and the whole belly just wobbles about like jelly. When I try to palpate the baby and feel the position or limbs near the surface, it's hard because I seem to be just squeezing huge pockets of fluid with a little baby part ballotting about somewhere in it! I am sure this isn't something I've felt with the other pregnancies I have had. I hope it's okay... I wish I had a midwife appointment sooner so that she could check the baby for me and see if I'm growing on target.

The baby's position is rarely (if ever) head down, and to be honest the amount of fluid I'm trying to feel through is making it hard to get a good feel for a head or bottom or ANYTHING for sure really. I do know that I often feel a head in my side or (a little more often now than before) down in my hip, so an oblique lie. One time I felt it up on my right side, high up, so breech that time. Maybe that accounts for the different/larger belly for the stage I'm at? Or maybe it's just extra evidence that I might have more fluid than usual, given that it would help the baby "float" (haha!) around into any old position he feels like for a while longer?! It makes me so extremely nervous that he's tangling himself into a dangerous mess with his umbilical cord. I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it! I think that's my biggest anxiety about the baby this time. Cord accidents happen, and with all his rolling and flipping and position-changing, I'm so nervous about it! I pray over him a lot that he'll be okay and that his cord will preserve his life, not take it! :S

Oh! I should just get a tape measure and measure my bump myself! Then I would have some idea! I think my tape measures are packed away with my sewing stuff though :(

Baby boy is very active a lot of the day and evening now. He is very strong and can do that sort of "Thumper" rabbit kick thing against the mattress when I lie on my side, that I remember so well from my other busy baby boys in there, hehe! Today was the first day that he has kicked me hard enough with "jabby" parts of himself for it to actually hurt my "skin" as he kicks, even when I'm walking about doing things! I get dull thuds and kicks to my cervix and bladder a lot, but lately he seems to be facing out and all the kicks are to my front or low down above my pubic bone. He also gets hiccups more clearly now. The other day his hiccups were like little sharp taps JUST above my pubic bone, and I was really happy about that because that makes it seem likely that he's head down if that's the location of his hiccups. But his other bouts of hiccups haven't been there since then, they've been all over the place, and not too easy to feel clearly because they seem lost in a huge bubble of fluid or something!

Anyway. I am not sure what I weigh, because I haven't weighed myself since just before 24 weeks, BUT just before I turned 26 weeks I suddenly changed shape in my face and outgrew a bunch of maternity jeans (that I normally still fit into later than this, yikes!). My face is more "weighty" now and it looks as though I am retaining water more. I feel that way too, sometimes, just heavier and puffy. I have no particular swelling in my hands or feet yet though, and my wedding ring is still fine! :) I am kind of uncomfortable "down below" this pregnancy, from pretty early on. I remember the same from the last two pregnancies, especially Nathan's. It's just that I'm sore a lot of the time and swollen all the time too. I regularly freak out that I'm getting varicosities there! But I remember doing exactly the same last pregnancy, and maybe the time before too, and I never had any, so that's my only reassurance right now!

This week I am newly breathless by mid-sentence, and at any exertion really. I haven't had the racy pulse with it until today when I just didn't sit down when I got breathless. I carried on standing up in the kitchen and trying to talk to Neil about something, and then I started to feel weak and weird, and checked my pulse and it was racing. So I had to come into the living room and lie on the sofa for a bit until I felt less breathless. It's exactly the same as my last pregnancy (and the one before) - last pregnancy they had me monitored at the hospital a couple of times because I had a racing pulse and breathlessness just sitting in the chair at a couple of antenatal appointments, and they were concerned about that. Of course, the effort of hauling little ones to those appointments was the main reason I felt so breathless (it really doesn't take much exertion to get me out of breath at this stage!), so I'm hoping that if I just lay low and don't take on basically ANYTHING now, out of the house, then I'll fare much better this time. I've stayed at home WAY more this pregnancy than any of my others, and it's made a big difference. I have had so much energy lately, and I've been using it on useful stuff like the housework and the children (!) instead of getting from place to place and loading and unloading small people! Those things alone sap my entire day's energy when I'm pregnant, so I realised it makes no sense to keep doing it!

I can't think what else suddenly. Matthew just woke from a bad dream about a big bumble bee (he was scared of one at the park today, poor love!) and now I've lost my train of thought after settling him. Oh but my stretch marks are back on the front of my bump now. They're visible properly (as purple/silvery lines) because they're fully stretched out now. Matthew expressed surprise at my "stipey" (stripey!) tummy the other day and wanted to examine and touch them carefully, with some concern! ;) I found that sweet because those particular stretch marks are actually courtesy of Matthew-Binks himself, not Arthur or Nathan! ;)

Still no name for this baby boy, but that's fine. I still have absolutely no choices other than Noah or Benjamin, and am aware that Neil isn't on the same page as far as that goes. But we've communicated about it and he knows where I stand. We're just not really thinking about it too much at the moment, because we have a zillion other things going on that are distracting us from naming our baby! Lately I've become re-attached to Benjamin in a big way though, and I had been leaning towards Noah for a long time before that. So who knows! I don't feel a pressure about it (yet!), so it's okay for now. I actually don't mind calling him "baby boy", although I've noticed that I NEVER refer to or think of him as Babydot any more. That seems like a name we used in the earlier stages of pregnancy, before we knew for sure he was a boy. Even though we don't have a name to take the place of "Babydot", we're really not using Babydot at all any more. So, for now he's just baby boy! :) And I like that at the moment!

Let's see.... I'm not really craving anything in particular at all. No vinegraitte cravings at all this pregnancy! ;) I like food, but not so that I MUST keep eating at all times! I do eat more than my fair share of chocolate-related items during the evening though, I will admit! Lately I really want fruit in the evenings, mainly apples. They are so crisp and yummy and juicy, and I could honestly eat 3 in a row. The only reason I don't is that I don't buy enough of them at once, and so we have enough for the boys to munch until the next supermarket delivery, and lately they've been really into eating apples every day so there aren't any left for me! I am also SUPER thirsty lately, just this week.

I feel very tired these last few days, just sleepy before I'm usually sleepy in the evenings, and if I stay up late (unwisely!) then I will find my head jerking up when I've nodded without realising it while surfing the internet! I neeevvvvver do that, pregnant or not, so it's unusual for me and a good indication that I'm much more in need of sleep than usual right now. Talking of which, it's getting pretty late so I should go to bed! It's Saturday night so I am in the blissful position of being able to lie in tomorrow as well as having done so this morning, with Neil home from work! Ahhh, sooo lovely to sleep!

As and when I finally get a 26-week belly picture, I will post it on the gallery and probably make a quick entry to say it's there. And if I find a tape measure and check the size of my bump, I'll update about that too! Otherwise I will try NOT to leave it 2 weeks this time! I can't believe my 2nd trimester is almost finished! The 3rd trimester is really the home stretch, and it's just unfathomable that I'm at that stage already!!! I need to plan much more for the birth this time, as I'm really not feeling comfortable about that part still! I also MUST MUST MUST write Nathan's birth story before much more time passes. I'm forgetting details already, and that makes me so sad. I don't want to get to having to write it after giving birth again, because I know I'll lose a lot of Nathan's birth in the muddle of birth-related memories! I will try to do that soon.

Thanks for the sweet comments on my 24 week belly pictures with the boys! I'm so pleased with those. I wish I had a belly photo taken with my little ones from my last two pregnancies, but oh well. I will definitely do it next time - hoping there's a next time! :) I'm thinking twin girls next time, what d'you reckon?! ;)

24 weeks, 3 days - belly pictures again!

Yay, yay, yaaaay, 24 WEEKS!!!! I'm so excited to be 24 weeks pregnant! My little tiny man is now viable - he stands a chance of survival if he is born NOW, and that chance goes up week by week :) I love 24 weeks!

I feel great! I get tired and breathless quickly, but my energy is really good overall. I am doing lots of housework and seemingly dashing about the house all day long running the house and meeting the children's needs, and not finding it overwhelming. I hope I manage in the 3rd trimester when I get huge and don't feel so energetic! I have to take things in small bursts to keep up the way I'm doing things, but that happens to be the way it goes with lots of small children anyway. You do one task and then have to stop to do something completely different. Then you go back to what you were doing, and then stop to do something else. Then it's nap or lunch time so the pace has to change again, and so on. This suits pregnancy VERY well! ;) Today (Saturday) Neil took the boys out into town to buy new shoes for them, and Nathan napped for 2 straight hours!! While he did that I had a much longer opportunity to really work on housework and such, and I found that I burnt out before that time was up. I felt queasy and breathless and exhausted, and lay in a sweating heap on the sofa hoping I would feel better soon! I did, but I learnt that I don't need to go overdoing it, even though my energy levels seem good right now. The pace I have during the week with the boys is working well, and I shouldn't strive beyond that. Also, I need to be careful to watch for my body slowing down over the coming weeks and months, and be okay with having to drop the pace again as that happens.

Neil took my 24 week belly picture tonight (24 weeks and 3 days, oops!), and I wanted the boys in the photo too, since it was nearly their bedtime and the opportunity was there to take a photo with them in it! I so rarely get photos of me with all my little ones (or any photos of me with any of my little ones, usually!), so I'm really happy to have these! I only put one of them in the belly gallery - the one where I'm less slumped. It's hard to stand totally straight for the photo when I'm also holding Nathan, and I'm facing the opposite way to my usual belly pictures. Also, I'm wearing my denim maternity pinafore dress!!! I am loving dresses and more feminine maternity wear this pregnancy, and have used birthday money to buy a few more of these kind of items from eBay! So exciting! Anyway, I feel so happy in this dress whenever I wear it. Here are the two photos Neil took tonight:

Arthur and Matthew were monkeying around! They were a bit of a nightmare to settle for bed after that! ;) Nathan was not so thrilled about the mini photo-shoot by the second photo. We're laughing because Neil, in desperation, made the silliest face and a rather rude noise with it! ;)

I had my 24 week appointment with my GP on Wednesday, the day I turned 24 weeks. It went great! Everything is normal and healthy, very run-of-the-mill. I told her that this feels like my most straight-forward pregnancy so far, and it really does. They are all pretty straight-forward, thankfully, apart from the bleeeeding I seem to do in the first trimester. But this one is going smoothly and I'm so thankful! I hope it continues that way!

My blood pressure was 116/70, very normal and healthy. She said my urine was perfect, no trace of sugar or protein. No swelling anywhere, except this thing going on with my midriff, hehe! ;)

I took all the boys with me as Neil was working, of course, and it went fine. They were a bit of a handful on the way out after the appointment, but otherwise well behaved. Nathan is having a super duper stranger-anxiety phase all of a sudden. He cries at the sight of anyone he doesn't know at the moment!! It's not really how he is in general, so I guess it's just a phase and it will pass. Anyway he was like a little limpet at the doctor's, and I held him while everything was done, including lying on top of my chest while I lay on the examination table for the doctor to feel my tummy and listen to the baby's heartbeat! Arthur stood on the step-stool next to the table so he could be involved too, and Matthew stood nearby, but he was interested in the toys on the floor. They all liked hearing the baby's heartbeat, which was healthy and strong. It took the doctor a while to find it, but I could have told her where to put the doppler right away, as I could feel where his back was pressing against me (and thus where she'd find his heartbeat). She looked everywhere but there first, hehe!

She felt my tummy for a while, and said the baby is transverse! I don't think I've had that told to me many times over my pregnancies, if at all! My womb will be getting kind of stretchy with me having had several pregnancies now, all close together, and there is more chance for the baby to get into any old position, even later on. I am not too thrilled about the possibility that he could be transverse or breech right near the end of my pregnancy! I don't want a caesarean!

He's a real wiggler lately. That evening, after the boys were in bed, I lay on the sofa and checked for myself. Sure enough, a very hard round HEAD in my right side! His back was up towards my ribs and he was happily flailing all his limbs down at my bladder and cervix. He can really kick so much harder these days! The next day I noticed a lot of STOMPING on my cervix, and lay down to check his position again. Hard round head right up the top under my stomach! So he was breech that day. He has moved around so much these last few days, changing position a lot. The only position I haven't been aware of him in over that time is cephalic (head down)!

I just put the laptop down and lay down to check his position again, and he's transverse. His head is back in my right side, but his back is towards mine right now. There's absolutely NOTHING down in my pelvis! That feels a bit disconcerting! He is not too pleased with me right now and was poking my hands in a really jabby way with his own hands, hehe! His limbs are facing my tummy and slightly up towards my ribs. It's so weird, in that I've never really had a baby do this before, even for a quick while one day. I really really really hope he is not going to stay in this position, or tend to favour it! I hope he'll get happy being head-down very soon and stay there! I know there's plenty of time yet, blah blah blah. I'd just prefer it if he wasn't so very happy lying across me in a way that will NOT help him get out when it's time!!

Anyway so my next antenatal appointment is 28 weeks with my midwife team. They'll phone me to arrange that, I THINK. If they haven't in a couple of weeks, I will probably phone them to be sure.

This pregnancy is soooo zipping by!

Neil likes the idea of a 'J' name for this baby, but he can't think of the perfect one. I've been back to the baby books and databases to search the 'J's but haven't found anything I really love yet. I'd be happy to use a J name if I found one I loved enough, and which went with the other boys' names. Personally, I still just have Benjamin and Noah as my complete shortlist, and can't find anything else that comes near to them. If I'm honest, they're the only names I want to choose from. I am not sure what we'll do about this by July! But we've got time, so we'll see how we go.

I keep forgetting to say things here, and try to remember to list them in my head for the next time I update my diary, but they fall out of my head so easily!!

So, FINALLY, to catch up!

* From 16/17 weeks onwards I have the worst skin I've had since my teens! I never really did have any teenage skin trouble actually, just the odd few spots around my period and that's it. I think last pregnancy my skin was breaking out a little more at times than I'd noticed with the first two pregnancies. This time, around 16 or so weeks, my skin was breaking out with several new spots on my face every couple of days, which I have NEVER had before even in my teens or other pregnancies. It has also continued for 6 or 7 weeks without stopping, and just now I'm noticing a slowing-down in the number and frequency of spots I'm finding on my face. They're only on my face though, and really it's not a big problem - it's not AWFUL skin or anything, just very outside of my norm and I meant to note it here long ago but kept forgetting!

* I weighed myself at exactly 20 weeks and I was 9 stone 9lbs. I couldn't remember what I weighed at the start of my pregnancy so I kept meaning to look that up before posting about my 20-week weight here, but never got round to it (hence no update on the weight!). I STILL don't know what I weighed pre-pregnancy this time! I will stop this and look it up RIGHT NOW! :)

Okay I checked my diary and I was weighed at the doctor's when I went to tell her I was pregnant (4 weeks I think). I was 9 stone 2lbs, BUT I don't think that's very accurate necessarily, because I was fully clothed (and shoed!), and they're not the scales I normally weigh myself on at home. So it could be out by a few lbs or something, either way. Anyway, I think that's all I have to go by, so let's say it's accurate for argument's sake! So at 20 weeks that would make my weight gain 7lbs (ish). I weighed myself with all my other pregnancies at 20 weeks for comparison. I weigh the most this time to start with, which is true of every pregnancy, hmmm!

Last pregnancy at 20 weeks I weighed 9 stone 2lbs! I had gained 11lbs with Nathan, 9.5lbs with Matthew, and 10lbs with Arthur. Very similar. So that makes me think that my clothes and shoes and the different scales probably had my starting weight a good few lbs higher than what I actually weighed. I'm guessing I weighed just under 9 stone at the start of my pregnancy, and had probably gained about 10lbs at 20 weeks.

Sooo I have weighed myself again for 24 weeks - the scales said 10 stone 4lbs! Yipes! NOT that I stress about weight-gain during pregnancy, as you probably know if you've read me through any of my other pregnancies - it's a HUGE peeve of mine how so many people obsess about weight-gain during pregnancy! Gah!

Anyway, I'm guessing my total gain at 24 weeks is roughly 18lbs. I checked my diary (LOVE this place!!) and I had weighed myself at 23 weeks and 3 days with Nathan, and had gained 17lbs. I gained 18lbs with Arthur and 14lbs with Matthew at that stage, so I'm right on track for my pregnancies! :) I always gain about 55lbs total, but I am guessing I didn't last time, because Nathan came 5 weeks early (SIX weeks earlier than Matthew did!) so I wouldn't have packed on those last lbs with him. I never feel good with all that weight on at the end, but it comes off with breastfeeding, and I know it has an important purpose - laying down fat stores to fuel breastmilk supply. I don't mind it. I just wish I didn't feel so HEAVY around my due date, and postpartum.

* I am producing colostrum, and have been for some weeks. I just checked around 21 weeks and found that I could express a little golden-white milk. White because I'm still breastfeeding, but the golden element is the colostrum :) Lately when I hand express a little to see (I really have next to nothing left in there, though Matthew always denies this and tells me it's tasty, hehe!), it's either completely clear/golden or cloudy and yellowish white, so totally colostrum now, yay! I love making colostrum! I always get excited about it, as it means my body is getting ready to nurse the NEXT baby, and that's so exciting!!! I'm still nursing Nathan and Matthew as before - Matthew at bedtime and if he ever gets badly hurt or something. Nathan nurses on demand, which is not that much now. He nurses for naps and bedtime. I haven't fully night-weaned him yet and he's nursing in the last 2 or 3 hours of the night. I settle him by patting or holding him if he wakes before then (which he DOES). Thanks Jemma for the reminder about The No-Cry Sleep Solution! I forgot I had it! It soooo didn't work for Arthur and we didn't pay it any attention with Matthew, since he was easier to transition (and we were turned off it because it didn't work with Arthur), but I've been reading it again this past week. We're trying a couple of things out from the book, but right now we're not seeing any improvement as such. We'll keep at it for now.

My pubic bone still tends to be sore, but I have noticed that it's improving a bit this week. I think it's adjusting, like I had hoped/expected it might, for a while. OR it's not that stressed right now due to a baby that's up across my tummy and not leaning on my pubic bone! ;)

I'm finding it much harder to lean right down over my bump for something now. I'm also getting the usual heartburn, nothing too bad. Baby boy isn't getting many bouts of hiccups this week so far. He was very quiet for a couple of days and I was getting anxious about it. At the same time my appetite was soooo small and I just felt sluggish and yucky. Then everything went back to normal, and I remembered that's how I feel when the baby is having a growth spurt (or is it just before/after it? I can't remember exactly). He goes all quiet and I feel like a slug! I'm always glad when he's wiggly again and I'm hungry and feeling better!

Well, I can't think of much else I wanted to say this week, so I'll finish this now. Thank you so much for the encouraging guestbook messages! Polly, thanks for the ideas you keep giving me! I follow up on each of them (have watched the BBCi thingy - may blog about that at my other blog soon! And have signed Arthur up with the road safety thing) - thank you so much! Thanks also to Kaitlyn for the notes - I honestly plan to respond to those at my other blog, but seem to always forget!! :S I love getting messages - thank you!!

Oh! I almost forgot - Babycenter.com says that Babydot is now 30cm long! And weighs approximately 1lb 5oz! So amazing. I told Arthur today that the baby's foot is about the length of his big toe (he has long toes!) and he kept looking at his toe with his mouth open in awe :) The baby bumped Nathan with his hands this week while Nathan was draped over my tummy (he likes this position!), but I don't think Nathan noticed. I've also noticed/remembered that a pregnant bump seems to be a perfect natural shape for a toddler to nurse around. Nathan can flop on my front and nurse without being flat as a pancake any more! He nestles cosily over the curve of my bump, or sits at my side cuddling up to it with my arm cuddling him. Nursing during pregnancy is such a precious experience, and I LOVE it completely. Except it can be sore sometimes! But I love it :)

I have also noticed/been reminded that a pregnant bump feels so perfect to sit a toddler on for cuddles! I loved it when my bump arrived more obviously, because it felt so natural to have a 1-year-old straddled across it against my front for cuddles, or to walk him around if he was teething or unhappy. It's such a useful shelf, hehe! It feels so snug and like it's made for snuggling a little one on top! I love it. LOVE being pregnant and having little ones close together. I would not change it for the world, and would do exactly the same if I had to go back and choose again. It's hard work, though I find that I'm adjusting a lot this year. And it's SO worthwhile, and full of such joy and blessings!

23 weeks pregnant (long!)

So incredibly behind here!!! Aaargh!

Well, I missed updating at 22 weeks (23 weeks today, woweee!) but I DID get a belly photo at exactly 22 weeks, yay! So it's finally up in the belly gallery. I was TIRED that evening and thus don't look very fun or smiley, but oh well! I really wanted to crop that one and put just my belly in the picture! But the bump actually looks different with the perspective of the rest of me there too, and that's how I always take belly pictures from 20 weeks onwards so I have stuck to that. I will try to smile more next time! ;)

Since then I think my bump has had a growth spurt, and Neil thinks so too. A few nights ago I pulled up my top and lay down on the sofa to see if I could feel the baby having hiccups (yes, first hiccups for SURE this week! And second. And third!), and Neil said, "Woah!" I think his choice of words could improve somewhat, but anyway! ;) That same night when I got ready for bed, I could not believe how big my bump was all of a sudden, or at least it seemed very sudden. So much bigger than a couple of nights before. Neil says it's come out more as well as seeming rounder.

The top of my uterus is now clearly felt about an inch above my tummy button, and I LOVE this stage onwards, because my tummy button is permanently flat since Matthew's pregnancy (it was semi-flat after Arthur and didn't have time to fully pop back in - I've never had an outie though), and when I'm pregnant my skin/flesh there seems ever so thin for about an inch all around it. It makes a wonderful "window" to feel the baby way more clearly once my uterus has grown past it and the baby is thus behind it some or lots of the time! I can feel a limb or the end of one really clearly through there, but not at all clearly a couple of inches across. Should I be worried about this?!! Hmmm... Anyway, it's so nice. I have already been able to feel this little one's leg and bottom on a couple of occasions. It turns my heart to mush when the limb moves against my fingers because it's soooo clear, and I feel so close to my tiny boy!

He still has no name! But I wonder if that's how it will stay till the birth, or shortly before? It's starting to feel that way now, and I'm fine with it. Except that Neil keeps suggesting names, and I really feel like I have no others to consider except for Benjamin and Noah. He still doesn't think the same way. He has suggested the name Jesse twice this week! It was on my shortlist during my first pregnancy, but Neil vetoed it so strongly that I didn't bother thinking of it for the next two pregnancies. Now he's actually suggesting it, I'm not sure about it any more! I'm not sure it goes well enough with our other children's names anyway. But he's still talking about it, so we'll see.

The other thing I'm a bit nervous about is that we'll wait till after the baby is born, and then we NEED to name him! And so we'll agree on a name, start to use it, and THEN Neil will say, "Oh actually, I'm not so sure now...." which he does a lot during the name-choosing stage in pregnancy usually. It's fine to do that during pregnancy because we've got time to settle on it before the baby is born, but doing that after he's here and we're calling him by it and bonding with him with that name... It would bug me EXTREMELY to have Neil question or want to change that name once I've been staring into my newborn's eyes over that first sleepless night after birth and whispering his name to him, totally bonding with him, name and all! I'm a bit nervous that it will happen that way, so to prevent it, it would be good if we could definitely name him before he's born. But I don't know about this baby, whether he is one who actually needs to be SEEN to be named! Anyway, right now I am not concerned about the no-name thing :)

Matthew felt him kick a couple of day ago! The baby had hiccups and I told Arthur about it. Arthur came running (as usual!) and lay his face on my bump, waiting. He felt a little hiccup and rushed off again in excitement, too much energy at that time to hang about waiting for more! Matthew came over for his turn, which he hasn't done before, and copied Arthur, carefully laying his sweet little cheek down on my bare tummy and waiting. He got a gentle kick to his cheek straight away! It was gentle, so I wasn't sure if he'd have felt it properly or realised it was the baby kicking. I asked him if he felt it, and he lifted his head and said yes. He lay his cheek back down and got another little kick there. This time he lifted his head and STARED at my tummy really hard from a few inches away! I couldn't interpret his expression, because I haven't really seen it before. I asked him if he felt another kick, and he said no, but I know he did because of the way he stopped and looked at my tummy like that. Maybe he registered at last that there really IS a baby in there and he's not as keen on the idea as we'd hoped? I hope that's not the reason! But it might be, I guess. We'll have to see how it goes for him over the next few months. He SEEMS happy and settled about things, so far, but he hasn't paid much attention to the idea yet.

I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, which is nice! I am really tired out in the evenings and have had a couple of earlier nights this week as a result. I'm usually up way too late, so it is good to get to bed earlier for a change! Nathan still wakes CRAZILY at night so I'm exhausted from that, although pretty accustomed to it by now I should think. His longest stretch is 3 hours ish, but after 1am or so, he is waking 1-2 hourly, or sometimes more frequently than every hour, I kid you not. It's starting to drive me nuts. Every time I get to the end of my tether about it, he suddenly improves a little and so I don't do much about it. I really MUST! But I don't really know what exactly.

We are about to buy bunk beds for the two older boys. They're a little young for bunk beds, but we're getting a lowish set that's really sturdy, and will not necessarily use the top bunk for a while yet. We'll see. They can be used as two singles if need be, though I'm not sure where we'll put them if that's how it pans out! All 3 boys will share the little bedroom. I've started to think this out a bit recently. Nathan is 14 months old tomorrow! I'm not sure how that has happened, but anyway! The baby is due just before he turns 18 months old, so less than 4 months from now (yikes!). So, ideally I would like him to be installed in the bedroom with the boys around 16 months old.

This has made me realise two things. One, I only have two months in which to sleep train him (he can't continue the wakings in there - even if he miraculously doesn't disturb the others each time, I do NOT want to trudge to another room 5+ times a night to settle him!) and get him moved in. So, I really must start whatever gruesome method of sleep training we go with NOW-ish. I don't want to do anything cry-it-outey, but he cries unless I pat/nurse him, and weaning him gradually off the breast at night has meant he's increased his demand for being patted (endlessly, like 20 minutes at a time or more, aaargh!) to settle him. Otherwise, he SCREAMS and sobs, and does not stop for a good 40 minutes. No fun several times a night when all is still and quiet and I'm totally wiped out! So I don't know what to do, but I have to do something in the next 2 months. Which isn't as long as it seems!

Okay, two - at 16 months, he isn't going to be old enough to transfer him directly into Matthew's toddler bed. I had planned on doing that, but he's going to be too little. I think Matthew was 20 months old when we turned his cotbed into a toddler bed, and he did fine, though he fell out all the time. Nathan seems sooooo little, even though he'll only be a few months younger. Twenty months seems way more ready for something like that than 16 months. So now we're thinking we must get the sides and ends down from the loft that make Matthew's toddler bed back into the cotbed, and put Nathan in that. BUT, it's Matthew's bed. He's never slept anywhere else from birth, and he loves his beddy. I am hoping he'll move happily into the new bunk bed, but if he doesn't we were hoping to allow him to just have longer in the toddler bed or something. Oh for more space!!! We need to move house really, but we CAN manage here if we have to, it's just a case of juggling things a bit!

Anyway. The new baby is meant to go in Nathan's cot, but will Nathey feel attached to it and not want to be anywhere different? Also, Matthew chewed enormous chunks of wood out of his cot ends (not the protected side bars!), and it's damaged enough so that we can't just put another child in it without fixing it first or something. I'm not sure how to go about that, because it's fiddly and there are lots of raw splinters. Also whatever we fix it with needs to be safe for another toddler to potentially chomp on, and I am not sure about finding something child-friendly to fill and seal the holes with! So, we had planned never to use it as a cotbed again, just a toddler bed (which is one of the reasons we bought a new cot for Nathan). Hmmm. I have to figure it out and implement it all, and sleep train that baby boy, in the next 8 weeks! Somehow.

What else can I say? Oh! There are only 7 days till I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and thus Tiny Boy will be viable!!! Yay! I always breathe a big sigh of relief at the 24 week milestone, although I know it would be BAD BAD news if he DID come at that time. At least then they would try to save his life instead of saying, "Oh, I'm so sorry..." if it happened a few days before that time! It makes me shudder to think about that. I seem to be more nervous this time about randomly breaking waters, than I ever was in my previous pregnancies. I'm sure that's due to my experience last pregnancy with my waters breaking for no apparent reason 5 weeks early. No sign of labour or anything, just - pop! Not even pop. Just wet bed at 6am really. I'm so nervous because surely if it could happen then, it could theoretically happen at ANY time with any other pregnancy? I get anxious now that he's kicking me WAY more strongly these last few days. With a ton of hefty kicks, and even one that hurt today for the first time, I keep thinking he's surely going to kick my bag of waters apart! I know that's not how nature works and that bag is built to withstand such stresses without any problem. But then it still nags in my mind that my tough built-to-withstand-stresses bag of waters broke last time long before it was meant to - something must have caused it! So I can't sit too easily about it this time, especially right now, JUST before the baby is able to survive if it happened. I know it's highly unlikely and I'll most likely be doing my nut at 41 weeks in a heatwave AGAIN like when I was waiting for Matthew! ;) But yeah.

Aaaargh, I've just realised I haven't made my antenatal appointment with my GP for 24 weeks! I must do that tomorrow! I have to see the GP for the 24 week appt, but I'm glad about it. I like seeing my midwife team, but I LOVE my GP and like that she's involved a little, so I'm looking forward to seeing her.

I had my VERY FIRST classic "large family" line from a Parcel Force delivery man the other day! I opened the door to receive a package from him (new (well, second-hand at eBay!) curtains and duvet covers for the boys' room with CARS on - they're so excited about them!), and as I signed for the package, the porch door opened and all three of my sweet little ones came walking/toddling into the porch in a little bunch, with curious expressions, wanting to see who was at the door. The delivery man said, "Are they all yours?!" and I felt so happy to hear that one, because it's a classic and I haven't qualified to hear it yet, apparently, hehe! I LOVE that I have enough little lovelies for someone to ask me if they're ALL mine! :D I said, "Yes, they're all mine!" and he said, "And another on the way as well?!" and I answered, "Yes, another one's coming." and smiled, because I couldn't help myself. He looked at the boys and said, "Your mum's a glutton for punishment, isn't she?!" *sigh* Thankfully I don't think they understand that term yet. But I am determined to always come across positive about having lots of little ones, especially in front of the childen, but in any case because I want people to know that it ISN'T a "cross to bear" (can you believe that one?!) or a punishment of some sort! Children are a blessing from God, a REWARD, says the Bible! And I heartily agree with that, more and more since I realised I needed to let God be in control of this area. So, I feel more positive, and I want to pass that on to (apparently) the entire world who think the opposite! Tsk! So, I just smiled and said, "They certainly keep me busy, but I love it!" And he smiled and asked Matthew if he was a good boy. Matthew said, "Um, yes!" and he said that was alright then, and went back to his delivery van with a wave and smile :)

I am having a lot more pubic bone pain this last week, and it's bothersome to some degree most of the time. At night time too, but not so bad. It hurts when I walk, and especially when I scissor my legs to go over kiddie safety gates! Today, Jemma and Jove came to visit for a good part of the day, and we all had a lovely time together! Jemma and I were pregnant together with Jaya and Arthur, but we didn't know each other then, till after Jaya was born (3 months before Arthur). And we were pregnant again together with Jove and Matthew, who are 3 months apart too. I think the last time we really visited with them properly was when Jove was on the way (Matthew not quite yet!), so it's been ages! It was so nice. Except (in huge contrast to the previous paragraph, haha!), as they left, I was holding Nathan on my hip (he was super clingy and cried most of the time, I think because he wasn't used to the two visitors in our home or something like that!) and Matthew and Arthur went out of the front door after I asked them to stay inside to watch Jemma and Jove off. Arthur at least stopped on the driveway when I called him to, but Matthew took off INTO THE ROAD giggling. Ugggggggghhhh! We live in a quiet cul-de-sac where cars don't often drive, but still. I was walking out after him with Nathan on my hip until I saw that he was about to make a run for it and probably not turn back, at which point I just had to RUN after him, across the road. He ran even with me running after him, and I caught up with him after a short while and walk him back to the house after a stern word. We watched Jemma and Jove go, but he had some DRAWN OUT discipline after that! ;) I need to do "something" about this! It's not safe that he does it and won't obey me! But I seem to be clueless about pretty much everything lately :(

Anyway, it did NOT feel sensible to be trying to sprint (not that I got too near to actually sprinting in my condition, haha!) with a baby bump AND a toddler sitting on it, bumping away like crazy because I was jogging along without supporting him too well! I think he ended up under my arm by the time I got to Matthew, or something. On the walk back to the house, the baby in my tummy had woken up all of a sudden and was kicking me in the most agitated way. It made me feel uneasy. My whole body felt like that had NOT been a good thing to do, and I'm having a lot more pubic bone pain since then. It's been really sore getting up from lying on my side to settle little ones into bed for the night.

Also this evening I lost my temper with Arthur (long story, feeling too bad about it to enlarge upon it, urgh) and yelled at him and just felt so BRISTLY with anger and irritation and yeurghsomeness. Nathan had a bad fall from the windowsill after climbing up there while I was disciplining Arthur for being horribly rude to me (at a LOSS tonight with those boys, honestly), and has bruised up his eye and the side of his head :( I felt so bad! I lost my temper with Arthur around the same time, and did way too much shouting and feeling angry. And after that the baby was kicking and punching about so hard, and wouldn't stop for a long time. Quite out of character really. Neil got home from work later than usual tonight, and when he did, the boys were nearly finished eating dinner. I asked for a time-out upstairs while he finished dinner, and just went and lay down. I read the Bible (the bit about the fruits of the Spirit, ugggghhh, I so need self-control. And gentleness. And patience! And peace. And kindness. Well, all of them really!) and prayed for a long while about those things in me (or the lack thereof lately). I tried to rest and calm down, but the whole time, the baby was WALLOPING my insides. He seemed to be kick-boxing my tummy low down, and stamping on my bladder and cervix for good measure. He seemed as angry and agitated as I felt, and I just felt so AWFUL about that, because - poor little tiny! He's only half-finished inside my tummy and yet he has already endured the DUMPAGE of my unnecessary emotions, and the physical side-effects of that. I got worried about how agitated he seemed after a while, because he just wasn't stopping or calming down. I feel like that was bad for him, and I caused it.

He calmed down a lot when I brought Nathan up and nursed him in my bed at bedtime - Neil was wonderous and got the boys ready for bed while I tried to calm down upstairs. I didn't feel angry any more upstairs, just upset and "rattled". I just wanted to cry and cry before Neil got home, with the situation as it was, but that isn't going to help the kids or me at that time, so I didn't!

Baby boy has stayed really kicky this evening, but much calmer and not so constant. His kicks are so much stronger than they even were a few days ago! I'm surprised by it! I think he must be breech at the moment, given the stomps on my cervix this evening! ;)

Well, I've written for EVER and now it's time I went to bed. I feel so tired out and I really want a GALLON of water to drink. I'm peeing more these days, and not making it quite through the night without having to go to the loo, so I guess there's more pressure from the beany one! I am also a lot more achy and heavy feeling in my pelvis and the front of my bump low down, which is uncomfy a lot but I should adjust soon (I hope!). Also I have had some evening nausea for a few nights lately, and sometimes queasiness in the day, but it seems different to morning sickness. It seems like my bump has risen quite quickly, and once it's above the tummy button, any quick rises lead to a "re-shuffle" inside and some pressure on my stomach that I'm not accustomed to. So I presume that's why the nausea. It should clear up soon. I had a bad headache yesterday but thankfully it was a one-day thing, and not longer! It laughed in the face of painkillers, so I was glad it had gone by this morning!

Okay, back another time - 24 weeks probably! Yay! Belly picture will be due again and I should have an antenatal appt to write about too :)

21 weeks, 2 days - feeling kicks!

Thanks so much for all the lovely comments about the scan last week! I'm just so excited to be having my fourth baby boy!!! I haven't had a single moment of anything else, which is wonderful. He still does not have a name, and I know there's like almost half a pregnancy to go, but it's "late" for us to still have no name for him, hehe! I'm not actually feeling stressed about it at all. Right now I am still ALL about Noah Benjamin, but Neil is apparently not so much. Every few days he'll say, out of the blue, "How about Jonathan?" or "How about James?" and I say, "Umm.... no." ;) I like Jonathan, but we have a Nathan already, and there's just a Jo tacked onto the front there to make it different. There's nothing wrong with James per se, but it just doesn't do much for me and I like the names I'm choosing for my babies to leave me sort of sighing and clutching at my chest (in a healthsome manner, of course! ;) ). We did consider Jamie for Arthur, but it was REALLY clear at the scan that he was definitely not a Jamie. I remember a couple of people suggested Benedict (thanks for suggesting!), but I don't like the name really, although it is similar to Benjamin. I like Toby and Micah, but Neil isn't crazy about Toby at all, and Micah is the other most recent baby at church. I think if we have another son after this one (!!) I would personally be choosing between Toby and Micah. Neil really likes Micah but we both feel it's not THIS baby's name. I adore the meaning - "Who is like God?" Just those 4 words make me want to stop what I'm doing and praise him right away! So I love everything about the name. Next time, though! ;)

Well baby-boy-bean is getting much more wiggly and active in there! I am feeling kicks and bumps and movements all day long now, and especially during the evenings. Arthur felt the baby kick this week - before Neil even! I was so tired (I have been so tired for a few weeks now) and when Nathan went down for a nap one day early in the week (so 20 weeks and 5/6 days or something) I built the boys a HUGE railway with their wooden track and flaked out on the sofa while they played blissfully for ages. While I was reclining there, the little tiny one started to kick. Usually there aren't that many in a row so I can't call someone over and have them wait for the next kick - there usually isn't one, hence why Neil hadn't felt the baby up till this week! But this time I felt quite a few kicks and after 30 seconds or so they hadn't stopped, so I said, "Our tiny baby is kicking Mummy's tummy!" Arthur DROPPED his train and came running! I lifted my top over my tummy and he instantly laid his cheek on my bump, smiling excitedly. He's such a sweetie! Almost straight away, he got a direct kick to his cheek! He lifted his face in absolute awe, it was so precious!! He kept saying, "It kicked my cheek!" and then he laid his face back there again. He got a little pop to his chin this time, and that made him giggle. He was so excited to feel the baby kick, and he told Neil when he got home from work.

He's SO excited about my bump growing bigger. Literally every other day (or every day sometimes) he puts his hands on my tummy and does a sort of squeally excited sound, and then says, "Your tummy's getting BIGGER!!!" like it's the most exciting thing he's ever seen happen. He always says how the baby must be getting so much bigger than before, which is so cute when he says it every day with the same new excitement :) He calls other people's attention to it, usually Neil, saying, "Daddy! Mummy's tummy is getting BIGGER!!!! Come and seeee!" and he jumps up and down excitedly. Matthew doesn't appear to have taken much in about my pregnancy yet, though he does acknowledge that there's a baby in my tummy. He seems happy enough and busy doing other things most of the time, like it's not interesting enough to distract him right now, which is fine.

So Neil felt the baby kick last night, or it might have been the night before (21 weeks), I can't remember exactly. I was getting a few good kicks lying on the sofa, and called him over. The baby seemed to actually turn to his hand and kick it directly. I can't really explain how I feel it but I could tell that there was intent and purpose in the aim of the kicks - I just could feel the difference when the baby was kicking Neil's hand so specifically. Neil likes to feel the baby kick but also gets kind of squeamish (sigh) about the whole "alien being moving about in your body" thing that he has going on in his head. Oh well. *I'm* enjoying every little kick and wiggle! :)

I've also discovered these last few days that this baby likes to play poke-and-kick! I love this stage! One of my babies at least (I can't remember who, but not Arthur) had not much interest in that game, and the kicks back were a bit random so that I wasn't always sure if they were in response to my pokes or not. This baby is very responsive! I poke, there's a very short pause, and I get kicked - a quick sharp pop - in the exact same spot. I wait, poke again, and get a pause and then a kick in the same spot. One time a little hand reached out and bumped me where I had poked, lower down.

I forgot a few things last entry, but then I hadn't read the sonographer's report when I wrote the entry about the scan. The baby is measuring exactly on the 50th percentile for ALL measurements! This baby is definitely not Arthur-shaped, and not likely Nathan-shaped either. Arthur had short legs (2 weeks behind!) and a large head (1.5 weeks ahead) and his abdomen was 1 week ahead. Matthew was pretty much spot on his dates for legs, abdomen and head, though his head was a few days behind. Both of them are exactly that way to this day - it was an absolutely accurate prediction of their body shapes, so we had a good heads-up that they would be very different from each other in build before Matthew was even born. Nathan was a little ahead of dates for head, pretty much spot on for abdomen, and a little behind for his leggies, so we thought he must be a cross between the older boys, and maybe more like Arthur's build? He's still only tiny but so far seems to be a perfect mix of the two older boys in build.

I am therefore expecting this little one to be very like Matthew in build, and nothing like Arthur's build. So that's exciting! Matthew was so different, and I wonder if this baby will be the closest to Matthew in resemblence? I can't wait to see his little face and find out who he'll look most like!

Also, my placenta is HIGH and POSTERIOR! So, no anterior placenta for me after all. I guess this baby is just a much quieter one than I'm used to, so far, and it wasn't that I was having things muffled by an anterior placenta. I still find it so odd that it was SO many weeks later than usual that I felt movements. But oh well! I feeling them now, so that's fine!

I'm trying to think what else? I have had some moderate not-so-fun pubic bone pain since my last entry, pretty much RIGHT after that entry continuously. So that's a shame! But I get it every time. I'm just glad to have had the first 20 weeks without it! I don't always get that. Hopefully it's going to settle down again for a good while before coming back a bit at the end. It's pretty sore at the moment to walk and lie on my side. It's just a nasty clutching pain in my groin that radiates. It feels ever so familiar now. Everything does really, about pregnancy, and I LOVE that feeling! :)

Today is the first time I have really taken all of the boys out on my own whilst looking obviously pregnant. Until now I have been bundled up in a huge winter coat so nobody would have seen anyway, but today it was so mild and I forgot Nathan's coat so I wrapped mine around him in the pushchair. So my bump was WELL on display. As was my "Pregnant and Proud!" top! ;) I would not have worn that if I'd have known it would have been on display to the public, haha! I don't like attracting attention, and I didn't want anyone to think I'd worn it on purpose to show off or something! ;)

So, I walked down the high street with the tandem pushchair - Nathan and Matthew in it, and Arthur on the buggy board behind. Me and my little bumpy boy followed behind Arthur! :) People turned their heads alllll the way down the high street, and it made me ever so uncomfortable. I am anxious about encountering negativity, because I know I hate confrontation like that, and also I have always been super sensitive to other people being mean to me, especially face-to-face. I have no idea how I'll handle it! I'm anxious because I have heard that it's to be expected when you have 3 or 4 closely spaced children - the more children, the more comments, and the worse they can be. I so don't want that!!!! It's really bothering me right now. I don't know how I'll handle it and I'm worried that I'll just do as I did when bullied at school and CRY or something embarrassing like that! I don't want to respond inappropriately in front of my little ones either, especially if they hear negative comments (which would upset me all the more), and I want to stand up for myself too, you know?

Today I got lots of not-exactly-positive looks, especially when I was huffing and puffing with the pushchair laden with children and bags for the charity shop! Thankfully once we'd taken all the charity bags to the shop, it was surprisingly easy to push all 3 on the way back and we seemed to get a lot more interested looks and even some smiles. I just want to walk with my head down all the time, but how rubbish is that?!?! I should be PROUD to have all these little children and another on the way! And I am, truly. I just know that I'm in a teeny tiny minority and the rest of the world thinks I'm likely selfish, stupid or irresponsible, and I can't stand the idea of people thinking that of me or saying anything of the sort to me. I find it upsetting already without anyone having said anything!!! I really need to pray about this and find some peace from God about it, and have him equip me to deal with it effectively. That's the whole idea with trusting God with my womb and thus our family size and spacing of our children - that he'll provide ALL that we need to effectively manage the blessings he bestows upon us, including this kind of detail. I just sooooo don't want to get upset and flustered and shaky and tearful if anyone says something nasty to me when I'm out with the children, and the way I "am" is suggesting to me that this is how I would react. Bleh.

Anyway!

What else? Oh the baby was noted as cephalic (head down) at the scan. She was having the hardest time checking the face for a hare lip because the head was RIGHT down. She really ground that scan probe into my hip and pubic bone for like 15 minutes straight, trying to see. The baby's head was turned at a tricky angle and with it so low, she had to try to dig in under my pubic bone or into my hip, and then grind it round in the direction of the baby! Ow. Maybe that could account for some of the pubic bone pain I've had since?! I even had to have a pillow under my hips and roll onto my side slightly, with the bed tipped head down (!!!) to attempt to rotate the baby a little for a better view! It was not comfortable! But worth it for the lonnnng look at my tiny sweetie :)

I keep wondering if I feel hiccups lately, but then I stop still to check and it's not, or at least, if it was it was very short-lived. So I can't confirm having felt this baby hiccup yet. I know it will be soon! I love feeling hiccups and all these lovely things! I'm so excited about every little thing with this pregnancy! I'm eager to meet my little one but the one thing I'm NOT looking forward to is the process by which he ends up in my arms and not in my tummy! I MUST write Nathan's birth story for my diary, properly. I know I will get further detached from it the further along with this next pregnancy I get, and eventually if I leave it too late I'll probably get the two births confused in parts or something, which will be sad for me. I want to remember all the details of each birth as unique, even if they're not comfortable memories!

Well, there's probably loads more, but my mind has gone blank for now. OH! But I have had some seriously wacky hormones this past week. MUCH more settled this end of the week, but last weekend was just crazy. I have been more irritable and feeling tearful at the slightest things for a few weeks now, but Neil was poorly at the weekend with a migraine (he throws up with these), and I just did not manage well. I clung to my children for security (however daft that sounds!) - at least that's how it felt when they had gone to bed at the end of the day. They just kept me busy and the noise level helped me to block out Neil's throwing-uppy-ness, and so on. When they had all gone to sleep that evening I just fell apart and cried for like 2 hours straight! I missed them so painfully and looking at their toys and things just made me long for them, and I absolutely could not stop crying for anything. I had the WORST sinus headache all night that night, and into the next day as a result, urgh! The next couple of days were also "delicately balanced" (!!), hormonally, and I felt tearful and overwhelmed a lot, but it settled down in the week. This end of the week has been great - my energy is good even though I'm really tired (if that makes sense?!) with Nathan's multiple night-wakings and so on, and I'm spending all my time doing LOTS more housework than I've ever done, playing with little ones, disciplining little ones, keeping vital parts of the daily routine going (naps, nappies, meals, etc) and feeling good about it all. We are not getting out of the house much at all, but it's the most settled things have been for a long time. I have seen a LOT of advice for mothers of many very young little ones (especially when pregnant as well) to just STAY HOME as much as possible, because that's the only sane thing to do and it makes a huge difference to how frazzled both the mama and the children are. I'm finding it to be true, and very helpful advice! I wish the boys could get more run-out-in-the-open-air time every day, but that's the main drawback. If we had moved house by now, we'd have a big garden (we're going to be super picky about that part) for them to run in every day. They do get out in the garden but it's SO TINY now that we've sold the end piece to the neighbour! They have long long walks at the park with Daddy at the weekends, so that's something I suppose. Not ideal, but most definitely advice I'd pass on to any other mother-of-3 very small people with another on the way. Definitely. Probably one of the first pieces of advice, actually!

Anyway, we're getting into stuff that should go in my blog, so I'll stop for now. I will be due to put another belly pic in the gallery in just FIVE DAYS!!! It's going so fast! Right now I am going to go to bed. I have actually had 3 early nights this week! I'm so tired and sleepy in the evenings and I resist going to bed even so, because I just want to enjoy the quiet house for a few hours first, but then I'm just adding to the tiredness. This week I have had a rare burst (!) of early nights, and I'm so glad I did. It meant I really did not check online at all those few days, because evenings are my only online time really - I try not to use the computer at all in the day time when the boys are up (week days). I was still about as tired with the early nights as I had been before, so I'm just glad I wasn't making the sleep debt worse!

I'll try to update again soon! :)

20 weeks pregnant - Back from my scan!!

Ohhh I'm so sorry it's 10.20pm already!! I had very little chance to phone family before the boys were in bed, and then family were CHATTY this evening on the phone, hehe! THEN I had to scan the pictures from the scan and upload them, get Neil to take my 20 week belly picture (I'm 20 weeks, I'm 20 weeks!!!!) and upload that too. Phew! This is the earliest I've managed to get here, which is craaaazy! I'm glad to have it all ready to post at last though :) I could have updated Facebook but I feel so loyal to my pregnancy diary that this is the first place I wanted any sort of online announcement, plus not many people who read me here know me at Facebook.

Soooo! :)

The scan went great! We prayed last night for no delays (we have had long waits in the past), baby in easy-to-measure positions, and gender visible! Also for the boys to do well with Sarah (our friend from church who graciously agreed to come and watch them while we went to the scan, phew!), and for Nathan to be okay at the scan (despite being due a nap!).

God was so faithful! The scan was at 2.30pm, we arrived at 2.25 and were called in the INSTANT I left the check-in desk! :) Never had that before! Nathan was as good as gold, I was so proud of him! He was tired but Neil held him and he just did not make a peep. Well, a few peeps, literally! He just said, "Doh?" every now and then, and otherwise sat still the whoooole time! He did have a garibaldi biscuit for a snack at one point though, that helped!

Anyway! The baby was in mostly good positions for measurements, though some of it was uncomfortable as she had to really press into awkward places with the scan thingy to get the visual she wanted.

We told the sonographer before she started that we really wanted to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl, and that we'd love a gender shot if she could get one, because our 4-year-old was desperate to see evidence that our baby has got a willy, haha! ;) Seriously, he was adamant! Hehe!

She was great and zoomed around like crazy looking at various flashes of the baby's anatomy, and then looked carefully for a gender shot, which was niiiice and clear. We are having a baby boy - again! ;) No surprise to me whatsoever! I actually saw the whole bunch of boy bits clearly as she was whizzing around from the start. He is a very obvious boy! ;) This was the nicest gender reveal, for me, other than Arthur's, because I really did have NOT ONE JOT of expectation that the baby just might be a girl. I was waiting to see the boy bits that I KNEW were there. I looked at the 12 week scan picture again last night and compared it to the "gender nub" shots online that I've seen, and that showed me 100% (pretty much) that there was no doubt this baby was SEEN to be a boy at 12 weeks by the angle of the dangle, as it's known! So, it wasn't like, "Oh maaayyybe it's a girl?!", it was actually like I had already been to a gender scan and had visible evidence, so it was a no-brainer that it would be a confirmation today. That probably helped my mindset a TON today! I was so excited when I saw for sure that the baby is a boy. I just grinned for basically the next 30 minutes, and was so incredibly happy to know he's a boy! I had no sense of disappointment whatsoever about not having a daughter (again!). I'm SO happy about that!

So, we can't decide on his name. When I looked at the moving images as the scan was being done, and just watched him in there, his name did not seem to be Reuben OR Benjamin, to me. It COULD have been Benjamin, and could still be. Not so much Reuben. But Noah.... ohhhh, Noah! It went so well, and thinking the name while looking at him gave me such a warm feeling inside. I am strongly leaning towards naming him Noah Benjamin, and hoping that Neil eventually comments (he is so far not saying much about it, just thinking on it!) and says he is thinking the same! I'm still happy to use the other two name choices, but I love Noah for this baby. It doesn't feel as 100% set in my heart as the other boys' names did by this stage, but it's by far the closest thing yet. I'm TRYING not to think of the baby as "Noah" in case it's not what we end up using! I'll keep you posted on that.

I can't believe how in love I am already!!!! Seriously. My baby boy.... it's like it's the first time, all over again! He's only 2D and grainy to my eye, but I just felt like a puddle of goo watching him, and all my comments to things the sonographer was telling me were, "Oh he's so sweet!" or "So lovely!" and so on. I felt slightly daft for it after a while, but I just couldn't seem to switch it off. The ultrasound seemed NEWLY amazing to me, the technology and what we were seeing, even though we've been there and done that a lot of times now, and recently too.

We watched his little heart chambers and the valves opening and shutting. She took a long long time taking still shots of that, and re-did it over and over, and that started to make us nervous, but she moved on in the end and said everything looked fine and normal. Phew! Everything with the baby was very healthy and normal, from what they can see - yayness! I'm so relieved! I feel more nervous with each pregnancy that something could be wrong, I don't know why. So I'm really thrilled and relieved and grateful to God that he's okay.

He had his hands by his head the whole time. He wiggled and moved and raised and lowered his limbs all the time! He wasn't frantic in his movements at all (not like Arthur was, haha! He's the same way today!), and seemed pretty easy-going for a wiggly baby! He had his chin firmly squashed onto his chest when the scan started, and after the first few measurements, he arched his back riiiight up and tipped his head back, and then just stayed there for ever! She couldn't get some important measurements, but he was refusing to budge from that strange position! She did all sorts of uncomfortable things to my tummy, put a pillow under my hips, lowered the bed so that my head was lower than my legs (!), etc, and still he stayed like that! Eventually he moved and curved his back a bit more, but at the end she said I would have to go and wait outside while she did another person's scan, because then maybe the baby would have moved so she could carefully check the spine. It was the last thing she needed to do and she couldn't see it all properly for his position. Then her machine died on her, and after fiddling about and calling in another sonographer, I was moved into the next ultrasound room to finish the scan. When I lay down and the scan started, the baby was in a perfect position for checking the spine, yay! So we didn't have to wait. I also saw one of his feet clearly at that bit, and it was very straight (big relief - that's 3 out of 4 kiddies so far with straight feet! Neil's mum had 4 too, and 3 out of 4 of hers had the deformed foot gene thingy that Arthur inherited).

She checked his face carefully for hare lip, and it was fine. It was lovely to see his face! His top lip protrudes over his bottom lip quite a bit, and that's SO like Nathan - less so the other two. His nose from underneath looked like a precious pointy little triangle, which they have all looked like at their scans. I feel like I know him already, because of having had 3 babies already who I know well, and I actually recognise this 2D little grainy being because his features are already familiar to me from his brothers. I love that!

So, I am (or soon will be!) Mummy to FOUR boys!!!!! How incredible that sounds to me! I feel so proud, and so blessed, and so lost for words, and I just want to laugh out loud every time I think of it! Four boys. Wow. Who'd have thought it?! All my little boys will be able to say they have three brothers, that's quite something! :)

Arthur is ecstatic about the baby being a boy. We got two scan pictures - one is a sort of profile shot, and the other is too except that the baby's torso is twisted by the scan angle in a weird way so that you can just about see the pelvis and little boy part poking out of the middle of it. I was disappointed not to get a proper gender shot for Arthur like I'd asked, but the sonographer was kind of scatty (although nice) and thought she already took one when she hadn't (even though I thought as much near the end of the scan and reminded her! Tsk!).

Never mind. When we got home, the boys were having a great time with Sarah, and Arthur saw the scan pictures on the sofa arm and grabbed them. He took one look at them and yelled, "WILLY!!!" in great triumph, haha! I don't see how he could have seen what the pictures were of, but he was sure he saw a boy bit and he was so thrilled! I said, "Yes, the baby in Mummy's tummy DOES have a willy - it's a boy!" and he jumped about shouting, "Yaaaaaaaaaay!" and squealing! :) He's so pleased. He wouldn't be convinced that a sister might be nice too, when we were chatting last night. He just hopes the baby won't be too cheeky. I'm pretty sure his hopes are in vain! ;)

He wants us to name the baby Justin, like nothing else! I gave him our shortlist of 3 names and asked him which he preferred. He said, "Justin" (which isn't on our shortlist, by the way!), and wouldn't budge on the matter. He eventually said he had a list too, and the choices were Jesus, Justin, Ruby and Small. And those were the only names we would be allowed to choose from!!! ;)

Okay, here are our scan photos!

In the first one the baby his his legs splinted right up over his head! He got into various positions when she was first prodding him about to take measurements, starting off lying verrry casually with one (very long-looking!) leg stretched right out and the other bent at the knee, and ended up doing this yoga position and various others before the "I'm not budging!" arched-back position! You can see his knee joint in front of his chin/nose area, and the rest of his leg up to his foot is less clear beyond it.

In the second photo you can see his little black-hole of a full bladder! :) I love that! He had a full stomach and bladder the whole scan, so it made them nice and clear and easy to see from the start. Next to his forehead in the second photo is a white blob, which is his little hand. His hands were up there most of the time, just relaxed at the sides of his head. He didn't cover his face like the other boys did at all. See his precious little top lip, looking so much bigger than the bottom one!! I'm so in love with that because I'm possibly-unhealthily besotted (?!) with Nathan these days and want to implode with his cuteness at all moments of the day (pretty much), and Nathan has that same top lip. I loooovvve when Nathan smiles, how his top lip curves so sweetly, and I'm so eager to see something similar and already precious to me, in this next baby boy!

Lastly on the second photo, see how at the other end of the baby, his back curves around at the bottom? The scan angle is weeiird in this picture. You can see his full bladder (the black circle) and then just up and to the right a little is the middle of his pelvis, the front of it. Sticking out of that is his little boy bit! ;) The sonographer had to point that out to me, so I could show it to Arthur.

So there's my sweet baby boy! Another boy! What joy! I'm so happy and thrilled and excited! I'll have a ton more to say about it, but it's getting late and I still haven't updated anywhere online, so I want to hurry and post this and then update Facebook and my arthursmummy blog and so on, before falling into bed! I'm so tired today. Nathan was up a lot in the night. I think he had some trapped wind. So tired and breathless today.

My bump seems way bigger just these last 3 days, and Neil has noticed the same. I'm 20 weeks today so we took a belly pic. I remembered at the last minute that the 20 week pictures is always a comparison picture, wearing the same clothes every pregnancy and standing in front of the same door (pretty much). Sadly I couldn't find the trousers I wore the last 3 times, but I wore the top, just with some maternity jeans instead. Here are the comparison photos, in chronological order - Arthur's pregnancy first, then Matthew's, then Nathan's, and then this sweet baby's! I'll post it in the belly gallery too, but maybe not tonight. I want to hurry and update other places now!

Bigger, aren't I? I think! Than all the other three. Still very samey though - obviously my BOY thing! Or else just how I carry my babies! This theory still has not been tested with a girl pregnancy! ;)

Okay, I must post this to put you out of your misery! Thanks for being excited for me! :) I'm so thankful for my FOURTH baby boy!!!