30 weeks, 4 days!

The big three-oh!! Three-quarters of the way through my pregnancy! I just typed, "I can't believe" but then deleted it because that phrase is getting used every single time I update here, and that is probably getting old to read! ;) But it's still true, anyway! I'm amazed to be into the 30s already - that's the home-stretch!! Nathan was born at 35 weeks so that's only 5 weeks away, which is NO time! There, I went and typed, "I can't believe" again and had to delete it, hehe! ;) I now have less than 10 weeks to go until my due date. Is that not crazy?! Nathan was unusual - my waters broke for no apparent reason, and that's not my norm! So I'm not expecting the same thing to happen again, or anything like it really. My "norm" from my first two babies is that I do not go into labour till after my due date - Matthew was born at 41 weeks exactly! I sooooo don't want to wait till 41 weeks again this time! But I'm fully expecting to reach my due date still pregnant. You never know, but that's my expectation. I'm thinking AFTER July 8th (my due date). Any guesses yet? Or should I save that for nearer the time?! I'm thinking maybe July 10th or 11th. Or 12th. Or something like that. Weird stats seem to indicate that my babies are always born between the 9th and the 14th of the month so far, whether they're a bit late or really early! Small window, no? Sure enough, this baby is also due close to that window, so I'm expecting to give birth between July 9th and July 14th. We shall see! :)

Well, I should have a 30-week belly picture for the gallery, but we haven't taken one yet! I know I need to get a move on and get one taken because I'll be 31 weeks before I can blink - the weeks are zipping by that fast, and there are only 3 days till 31 weeks now. Another belly picture would be due at 32 weeks so I should get the 30 week one done now!

Baby boy (who I can't help but think is really and truly to be named Benjamin, lately) now weighs 3lbs or more!!! Yay, the 3lb mark! :) And he's 15.7 inches long. Getting so big! He FILLS my big baby bump! I can feel him all over it, his back, his limbs, his little bottom. My mum says I am carrying much more neatly this time and she thinks I have not gained weight like I usually do, because I still look "little" everywhere else, but have a baby bump on the front! And Neil says she's right, and that I'm carrying very much all-on-the-front this time. I think I always carry low and front-ish-ly so I can't really see the difference this time. I'm not sure about the weight thing. I weighed myself at 29 weeks and 2 days, and I can assure you that I most certaintly HAVE gained weight, haha! I was kind of shocked to see 11 stone on the scales! Like, my eyes nearly fell out, that kind of shocked! ;) I'm sure I was 9 stone something the last time I checked! After calming down a little bit (hehe!), I did some calculations, and discovered that actually I have not gained fifty million pounds yet, because I had forgotten that I started this pregnancy around 9 stone - I weigh more than the last time every time I start a new pregnancy. I lose weight without trouble in the postpartum period, but it takes till about 6 months postpartum to really start falling off, and then I get pregnant before it's finished doing its thang! ;)

Anyway I worked out that I had gained 28 or 29lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight (my pre-pregnancy weight was give-or-take a lb because I wasn't too accurate with it in the first place!). I checked my pregnancy diary (love this thing!) and was surprised (amused?!) to see that I weighed myself at exactly 29 weeks and 2 days with Arthur! And I had gained 28lbs that day! From the start of the 3rd trimester till about 34 weeks, I had gained the same number of lbs as I was in pregnancy weeks, so 29lbs (ish!) at 29 weeks, etc, week by week. I was pretty much on track with that with Matthew's pregnancy but I gained a few lbs less at this stage with him. With Nathan, I last weighed myself at only about 23.5 weeks, because the battery on my scales went after that, and I never replaced it. And then he came early anyway, so I will never know! But it's reassuring to see that this time is basically exactly the same as it always goes! At 29 weeks, I have gained 29lbs, which is the same weight gain to the lb (pretty much) as with Arthur's pregnancy. So, now that I'm 30 weeks I am thinking that I have now gained 30lbs ish. The down side to all this is that with Arthur I had gained 54lbs by the time he was born! And 55lbs with Matthew. I wish I had an idea with Nathan, but I suspect I was on the same track, weight-gain wise, because the earlier weigh-ins before the scales broke were right on track with Arthur's pregnancy, more so than Matthew's (which was very similar but ever so slightly less weight gained until the end). So if he hadn't come early I'm sure I would have gained approximately 55lbs, and shall probably do so again this time. That's just how I do it, it seems, but the thing that bothers me this time is that I started heavier than any of the other times, so if I gain 55lbs I will be cracking on for 13 stone!!!!! Which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too heavy for my frame, and my wellbeing, really and truly. I was very uncomfortable at 11 stone 5lbs (my finishing weight with Arthur - only a couple of lbs away this time already!), and more so at the end of Matthew's pregnancy.

But hey ho! I will keep track of my weight for comparison, and TRY not to start stressing about it after all this time! It drives me crazy, weight-obsession in pregnancy, so I will try not to jump on board and obsess! ;)

Okay, it's now late and I need to finish what I'm writing. I got Neil to take a belly picture, and it's now in the gallery, yay! My face IS starting to look weighty, more so than last time for sure. I prefer this week's belly photo with me looking down at my little baby bumpy boy, therefore! At first glance my belly looks smaller in the photo than previous belly pics (the last two), but the angle is slightly different. Last time Neil took it at a slight upward angle, on a level with my bump. This time he took it from my head height, and that seems to affect how big my bump looks. Last time it looked huge, haha! If I look at the proportions with my hands on it and distance out from my hips and down from my bust, then I can see it's bigger. I certainly feel bigger than at 28 weeks!

Also since I started this diary entry tonight, I have spent some time listening to worship music with my headphones on (so as not to disturb Neil who was watching a movie). I listened to Chris Tomlin's album - "Hello Love" (which is fab if a bit rocky!). There's a song on it that I made reference to in my arthursmummy blog, called "Exalted (Yahweh)" which reeeally moved me when I first heard it. Anyway I got to that song on the CD and my little one inside me gave me a couple of little bumps and wiggles, reminding me of his sweet little presence in there. So I decided to let him listen to that worship song properly. I put the headphones right on my tummy and played him the whole nearly-six-minutes of the song. I felt so happy when I was holding those headphones there, because the words are all about how GREAT the Lord is, and how exalted, and how holy his name is. I love letting those wonderful words of truth wash over my unborn baby, sung with such feeling and power! He was still - completely still - for 5 minutes and 38 seconds, and then the last notes faded out over the next few seconds, and as soon as that happened he started kicking and thumping with at least 3 limbs at once, really really hard! It was such a big contrast to when the music was playing! I talked to him and stroked my bump and asked him if he liked it. He kept on and on kicking and bumping with his hands in there, until I started to wonder if he wanted to hear more, so I put the song back to the beginning and put the headphones back on my tummy. He went quiet again! He gave a gentle tap-tap halfway through the song, and otherwise was quiet the whole time. He kicked vigorously after it was finished. I don't know what the means, but it made me feel very fond of him all the same! :) I must try to remember to play him music more often. I did it a lot with Arthur, and a bit with Matthew, but I'm not sure if I did at ALL with Nathan! :( It was mainly classical music or jazz that Daddy wrote and played for the other boys. If I had to choose one particular thing to play this time, it would be worship music. There's nothing more important in this baby's whole life than knowing his Maker. I wanted to talk to him throughout the whole song, to tell him, "This is the One who made you, this is who they're singing about! I can't wait to teach you about such a wonderful God!" but I didn't want to interrupt him listening to the music. When I listen to music like this and stop to think for even a split second about my God and my unborn baby in my womb, I feel instantly overwhelmed with emotions I can't even put to type here, or to words that I can speak. Wonderful ones though, and awestruck ones. I wish I could be more specific! But there aren't words.

Well, I think I should call it a night. It's getting late! It's Bank Holiday Monday tomorrow so I will not have to get up so early as I usually do, and that's nice! Neil gets up with the boys, and I get up when he has to get ready for work (they get up EARLY!), but he lets me lie in when he doesn't have to go to work :) Today I exhausted myself completely just trying on a zillion maternity outfits for Cameron's family's party. I mean, I ended up having to lie down on my left side and stay reeeally still on my bed for 25 minutes which made us late, but I felt so weak and nauseous and wiped out. I felt overly tired at the party but we had fun anyway, and by the time we got home I was nauseous and breathless and feeling sore in my lower back, which started to have more and more of a menstrual feel to it and crept round the front too :S So, I had to just go to bed and lie down on my left side again (that's what they recommend for heavily pregnant women! It's the best position to avoid the heavy uterus/baby putting pressure on the uterine artery). I forgot to drink enough today so that might have had something to do with it. I felt so grim though. I put Nathan and Matthew to bed, and Neil did most of Arthur's bedtime routine. I tucked him in and then came downstairs (slowwwwly, everything suddenly feels like I must walk slowwwly and carefully for some reason), and drank a huge glass of water in one go. Then I refilled and rested on the sofa, and over the evening my nausea has lifted and I feel better physically, just very very tired in my eyes. I feel dizzy quite a bit. So I should go to bed!

I'm getting more Braxton Hicks contractions lately, which is good and normal! They are getting noticably stronger these days and are really quite uncomfortable and tight now. Sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing and just rub my tummy gently and consciously relax. I don't have to breathe through them or anything, and they're not painful. They're just very uncomfortably tight and I need to focus on relaxing so they don't feel worse than they need to. I have had far fewer Braxton Hicks contractions than with Arthur's pregnancy though, this time. I can't remember how it compares with Matthew or Nathan's off the top of my head.

Neil felt the baby clearly a few mornings ago, for the first time. Judging by the look on his face, I think it was the first time he really connected with the baby in there. In the mornings when I wake up, I am occasionally lying flat on my back (which is not how I sleep through the night - I lie almost exclusively on my sides now, and sleeping isn't too bothersome or uncomfy this pregnancy (so far!) which is nice!). If I have been flat on my back for any length of time, I always find that the little one has sort of "floated up" and is CLEARLY palpable through my tummy. His feet actually reach my ribs, and that's the only time I feel them that high. One morning I was feeling his little foot high up just under my rib on my right side, and I suddenly thought that if his FOOT was that much higher, wouldn't it be likely that I could feel his whole head more easily, since it would likely be out of my pelvis completely and there for the feeling, given how big and solid it is now?! So I felt the rest of my tummy, and I was AMAZED at what I could feel. I could feel his WHOLE body, clearly. His foot was high up, and I could feel his whole leg bent slightly at the knee. I could feel his knee sticking out slightly like a little knobble, just above my tummy button. His back I could feel wide and smooth on my left side, all the way down and curving around towards the middle of my tummy low down. And at the end of his back, there was a ball like a small grapefruit, but HARD as anything - so clearly his sweet little head! I don't remember if I have ever felt anything like this, it was so incredible and such an amazing bonding moment. I could really FEEL my baby, his whole little body (and he's still so little!), and it was almost as magical as holding him for a moment there. I called Neil in and said, "Feel the baby!" He hasn't shown much interest (again *sigh*) this pregnancy, and he did his usual sort of obliging face and put his hand on my tummy. I showed him the baby's foot and he felt it and said, "Oh yes!" as he usually does when I ask him to feel this or that, before removing his hand and getting back to whatever computer game or movie (yes, I am struggling slightly with this, but oh well) that he was watching. But this time I was in bed so he wasn't distracted by the TV or computer for once. Then I said, "You can feel his head really clearly!" and showed him where. He put his hand there and gasped, and his face changed so suddenly! He started feeling the baby's shape with more interest and followed the little back up to the leg. He said, "Amazing...." and then another one of our little boys called for his attention, so he stopped. But I'm glad he got to really feel the baby and have that moment of realisation that yes, there's a real baby in there! And he's ours. And he's getting bigger, getting ready to come out and join us, and be part of our family. I for one can't WAIT to meet him! I am unable to really explain how totally in love with him I am already. I'm just longing to hold him and see his sweet face, what he looks like. I can't wait to kiss his face and feel his warmth in my arms, and his skin against mine. My sweet baby boy! Somebody asked me today at the party when we were going to STOP having babies, hehe! And I said that I didn't know how I ever would. I really really really 100% mean that. I know one day that I WILL, obviously, one way or another. But I don't know how I'll ever WANT to stop, or be okay with that. I could honestly keep on having babies forever. I love it so very much, and it seems to just get more wonderful each and every time.

Well, I just feel full of praise to God all of a sudden, and I just want to say THANK YOU LORD for my sweet babies, and that you've opened my womb again and again! I'm so blessed, I can't believe it (there, I said it, haha!). Thank you Jesus.

28 weeks, 4 days

I'm 28 weeks pregnant! So amazing to me. Baby boy is now roughly 2lbs 8oz and 15 inches long!!! I know I'm still only at the beginning of my 3rd trimester, but it's all starting to feel like there's not that long to go and that I'm really on the home stretch. I'm not REALLY in that zone yet, where I totally REALISE it and start getting things ready, checking off lists, etc. In fact, I haven't made any lists yet, aaarrgh! I feel like, surely if I haven't made or checked off any lists, I can't possibly be ready for the baby when he comes?! ;)

I had a great 28-week appointment with the midwife on Wednesday. I took all the boys to the Sure Start centre where the new clinic is, and it went great. Arthur and Matthew played with the toys and things in the big hall very happily while I went in with the midwife. I took Nathan in with me, because he's super clingy to me right now and I wasn't about to put him down, let alone let him out of my sight! He likes to be held if we're near people he doesn't know, so that's what I do at the moment. He didn't cry though, and is starting to cry less with strangers unless they approach him - he just watches them warily till he realises they're okay!

So my blood pressure was 110/60 - hooray! :) And I had a headache that day but not as bad as the previous one, and I'd had the whole week without one, so it was fine. I haven't had that facial puffiness since the time before either. I'm sure there will be more of that to come as I get more pregnant - I seem to remember it from my other pregnancies. But I'm glad I'm without it for now!

I didn't have a urine sample with me, so I had to take one of those little tubes and go and do one. I took Nathan with me, and I wasn't sure how to juggle it! In the end, he held the spare sample tube (for me to use at HOME next time before we go - much more sensible!) and stood in front of the toilet in the cubicle, while I did my sample. He was most intrigued, haha! He kept craning his neck to see under me, and his eyes were really popping out! He kept saying, "Doh! Doh!" very urgently! ;) So that worked out fine in the end. My urine sample was completely clean - absolutely nothing in it at all! No sugar, protein, or the blood that was present last time, so I'm really happy about that.

Nathan was okay with me putting him down on the floor while I got on the examination table for the midwife to check my tummy. He stood and held onto the table, and was happy enough with the student chatting to him while he stood there, so that was good! I've had to have him lying on my chest in the past while they've checked my tummy, so this is an improvement! :)

The baby is still head-down, yay! He is also pretty high up, in regards to the position of his head. She wrote in my notes "free", and showed me where it was - actually way above my pelvis and even above my bikini line!!! I carry my babies low in general, and Nathan was my lowest yet (see pics in his belly gallery!), so I was surprised to hear that this baby boy is so high up! I don't think my bump particularly looks high at all, and I don't feel crowded up at the top of my bump. He's tucked up nice and neatly, just resting high out of my pelvis for now. Because he's my 4th baby, and he's so high, he could change positions a lot still, but I'm hoping he continues with his head-down trend till he settles lower and stays there!

His heart rate was 150-160, and he was kicking and active the whole time. She said his resting heart rate would have been lower if he hadn't been so active while we were listening. I never get an actual number for his heart rate at appointments, so it was nice to hear it this time!

The midwife talked to me a little bit about what comes next, and about the birth. My next appointment isn't till 34 weeks - that's ages! It seems odd to me to have a 6-week gap at this late stage of pregnancy, but oh well! She told me that first-time mothers have a 32-week appointment, but they don't do that for subsequent pregnancies for some reason. I can't remember that from the last 2 times, but that may well have been the case. So, my 34 week appointment is at the end of May, and is labelled as the "birth discussion" appointment! She said she would like me to have decided where I want to give birth so I can tell them at the next appointment, and I said that I was having trouble deciding, and would I be able to chat to them about it before that time? So we had a quick chat about it, but we're also going to discuss it further next time. I think they'd still like a decision for the next appointment though. After that I have a 37-week appointment where if I am having a homebirth, they'll bring round the birth pack. The midwife said that I should probably have a birth pack brought round at 37 weeks even if I choose a hospital birth, because I will want to start labouring at home probably, and if things go fast (which they could, and very!) then I'll end up with a homebirth after all and will need the birth pack. That's a great idea, so I'll be getting my homebirth pack this time either way! I'm quite excited about that!

Truth be told, I really would probably prefer a homebirth. I like being at home. I know my body can do birth, since it's been there and done that a few times, and babies are popping out of me with ease lately, haha! It doesn't mean that's how it will always go, of course, but I feel confident in my body and not like I NEED to be in hospital in case I need help giving birth or anything. It's nice to labour at home early on - soooo nice. I can deal with labour absolutely great until about 7cm dilated, which so far has been about 30 minutes at most before I give birth. The time in between is where I want to be in hospital getting HELP - I don't even know what "help" I'm after, just anything, ANYTHING will do, lol! I don't know how to bear that 30 minutes this time, it's overwhelming and scary and so beyond what I can manage in the pain department. I make scary amounts of noise during that time, and my main anxiety is the boys and the fact that I can't seem to control it. I'm so worried that I'll disturb their sleep (and then WHO will go to them and comfort them while I'm in that particular stage of labour/birth?! Not that they'll even BE comforted if they wake to that kind of noise anyway!), and that I'll traumatise them permanently! I just WISH I could control it, because just that alone would probably be enough for me to 100% go for a homebirth. It's mainly just the noise factor. Because, although the pain/overwhelming thing feels like too much to deal with even now, REALLY it's only 30 minutes (it does feel like a lot longer, though!), and when I'm on the other side of that with my sweet baby boy in my arms, I will be sooooooooooooo glad to be at home - that part is for my children's benefit too, but will it be at too great a cost before that point, with the screaming and such?! I don't know.

The hospital appeals in that I can avoid scaring the boys and disturbing sleep, etc. I still feel terribly uncomfortable making such a noise as I KNOW I'm disturbing (and probably scaring) other birthing women around me. I felt awful about that last time, in the hospital, but I just could NOT stop myself :( Also, if it's too much, I guess there are pain-relief options there (I'm thinking epidural, mainly). Though, I am not sure I want one of those. It's only the last 30 minutes! Before that, I manage contractions in silence and totally calmly, keeping my body relaxed and breathing it through. I haven't found that difficult. It's crazy how so completely it changes once I get near to transition, and then it's so short after that. I wouldn't want an epidural before that point when I'm dealing so well with it and in no need for such an intervention. I'd rather not have ANY pain relief or intervention whatsoever, ideally. But if I'm in hospital at least the option is there, and being anxious about the pain as I am, that appeals somewhat.

At home, I can rest straight away in my own place, and not need to "come home" and appear to my children after being absent, with a new baby they've never met before. I prefer never leaving them, for their secure continuity, and for them to meet the baby the moment we do, or very soon thereafter, in their own secure and familiar home. I hated being away from them last time, it broke my heart! I know they missed me and it affected them a little (especially Arthur). It's so seamless when I give birth at home, for the children. On the other hand, once I got over the hormonal snorty sobbing at missing my kids last time (!!), it was nice to be removed, just to have a good long time to bond closely with my tiny boy without distraction. It was nice to be away from any sort of responsibility, knowing they were cared for around the clock at home while I recovered a bit in hospital. BUT, back to the first hand (!), the hospital was not a restful place to be, and I slept terribly and didn't regain my strength or energy well at all. Nights were disturbed, other babies cried, and the bed and lighting was unfamiliar - the food too. At home when I had Matthew, I gave birth at 10.45pm, got stitched up and bathed, and fell into MY OWN BED with my baby asleep next to me in the Moses basket, at about 2am. I didn't sleep a wink that night, just in awe of the little person outside of my body instead of inside, and the fact that it was so wonderfully surreal to be at home in my bed as usual even though I just had a baby a few hours ago! It was lovely, and I was so excited, I didn't sleep one little bit. But the next day I was able to stay in my own bed as much as I liked, see my own sweet family and my little boy as much as either of us wanted to, and eat my own familiar food, have access to all my things, use my own toilet, etc. It was SO WONDERFUL. Hmmm, perhaps I'm answering my own question? I love just waffling things out in my diary! It so often helps me actually see things in better perspective and make the decision that I thought I couldn't make!

Like last time I wrote an update, where I was saying about the girl twins, and got reminded of the fact that God SAID "the next baby is Benjamin". That really made me stop in my tracks and remember exactly why we are using Benjamin (in whatever form) in the first place. It felt like there shouldn't really be any question over what his name is! God said his name is Benjamin. I know we could use it as a middle name, but why, if God said quite simply, his name is Benjamin?! I said this to Neil and read out the diary entry, and he took that away to think about. He said that he has gone off Noah again - I don't know why, he just is on and off about the names we're considering, but he hasn't been suggesting any other names for a good few weeks now.

Anyway then we had a good chat about the name Benjamin. His main reservation before was that it was my brother's name, but he said that really he doesn't see my brother as Benjamin at all. He has never known him as Benjamin - his name is Bennie. Nobody ever calls him Benjamin, from birth really. Just occasionally my mum when he was being naughty, or playfully she occasionally called him "Benjamin-bean" because it had a catchy rhythm :) But otherwise, as far as Neil is concerned, his name ISN'T Benjamin, so that takes away his original main reservation. I wish I was happy sharing our surname here, because that always has a big part to play in our name choices, obviously! But I don't, not on a public blog. Oh well! Some of you do know my surname so you'll know what I'm talking about, but we both think Benjamin "Surname" (it's 2 syllables and begins with K) sounds like a wonderfully strong "man's" name. It reminds me of Benjamin Franklin for some reason, and the same strong kind of sound is there for the name Benjamin with our surname, I think. We love that! It's goes better with our surname, in my opinion, than any of our other children's names. Their names all go really nicely (I'm lucky to have married a man whose surname goes with basically everything except names with a couple of K sounds in them or something!) with our surname, but Benjamin is soooooo especially nice. It's such a strong-sounding name! I really love it! We also both STRONGLY want to use it as a full-name. We have no intention of shortening it, even with my weakness for shortening and cutesifying names! ;) I'm sure I will do something with it, and who knows what it might end up like, but Neil and I like the name Benjamin, not Bennie, or Ben, or Benji. I used to particularly dislike Ben, maybe because I was biased by having a brother named Bennie, who never went by the name Ben at all, and I liked that (there were so many Bens around anyway!). But lately I'm thinking how much I quite like Ben, and would be happy if that's what his name got shortened to in the end. Neil feels the same way on that. We have no intention of calling him Ben though, only Benjamin - if that's the name we do go with. We haven't really discussed it completely yet, but that last thing Neil said was that he's feeling happier all the time with the idea of naming the baby Benjamin. I have no idea what we'll do for a middle name, but that will be the fun part - searching and choosing just the right one! :) I'm looking forward to that!

Okay I will save this in Blogger and finish it this evening. The boys are out at the park (Arthur has a horrid cold but he's eager to go and run in the open air as usual, so they're out in the lovely sunshine on the wide open grass!) with Neil, and I am roasting a chicken, so I need to stop this now and put the potatoes and parsnips in the oven! And then make a bread-and-butter pudding. I just feel like one, and I haven't made one in aaaages. Back later! :)

It's later (very late!) and I'm back. Not much time now to write more stuff, but I wanted to complete this the same day I started it! I can always write another update with more another time :) Arthur has had a much more quiet and restful sleep this evening, so hopefully he's turning the corner already with his cold? Neil has since come down with it and is stuffed up completely, and Nathan has woken 6 times this evening alone, screeching miserably and is difficult to console, so I am guessing his poor baby throat is all sore :( I wish I had more milk to soothe his throat with, but that can't be helped. I have a little colostrum, and he's soothed by breastfeeding, so that's what I'm doing for him. He had Calpol but it doesn't seem to have helped this evening. So, I need to go to bed in case it's a LONG night! Plus, I keep having to stop what I'm doing online to go and soothe him and settle him back to sleep, and that will probably happen again in a minute, so I should finish up quickly and go to bed.

I think the other things I wanted to say were that I need to weigh myself, just to have an idea to compare. 28 weeks seems to me to be a good "square" time to weigh myself and that's probably what I did in other pregnancies, so I can compare how I'm gaining weight with the other times if I weigh myself now. I'll try to remember tomorrow. I'm longing to bake things all the time this past month, and have made cakes, brownies, biscuits, chocolate refridgerator cake(s!) and so on. And consumed embarrassing quantities of them! ;) So, I'm sure my weight is rising rapidly, hehe! It always does anyway - I gain basically the same each pregnancy, 54/55lbs, although I have no way of knowing that for last pregnancy since Nathan came early and I hadn't weighed myself in a bit when he did. But my weight gain before then was right on track with my previous two pregnancies. So far this pregnancy, it is on track again, so I'm sure I'll end up 54lbs heavier than when I started, or something along those lines!

What else? I'm having a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions lately. I really haven't had much bother with those this pregnancy, compared with other pregnancies. It's just started in the last 2 or 3 weeks, and now they are getting quite a bit stronger and more uncomfortable.

I have a 28-week belly picture, yay! It's in the gallery :) Never mind the slight upward angle (Neil was sitting down) and the slightly tense expression! Arthur was waking upstairs crying with his sore throat for the millionth time that evening, and we were rushing to get the belly picture taken and get upstairs to console him! I am bigger than last time, for sure! I am not carrying as low as I did with Nathan - I keep looking back at that gallery and I'm amazed at how lowwwww he was, especially around this stage and beyond! Yikes!

I'm having to pee a TON more lately. Annoyingly frequently, actually! The other day I went TEN TIMES in the daytime!!! I'm a 2-3 times a day girl when not affected by pregnancy, so 10 times feels crazy to me! I never get through a night without having to get up and pee now, either. Baby beany boy feels pretty heavy in there now and I'm feeling a lot of pelvic pressure (despite him not even being in there yet, haha!). I am waddling a LOT when I walk, and keep trying to correct it because surely there's no NEED to waddle like that?! But I just waddle without thinking, and it is somewhere between uncomfortable and painful when I walk, all the time. I think I'm waddling to protect myself a little from more discomfort - I sort of walk gingerly, and I do it without thinking about it. My pelvis hurts across the back and also around the pubic bone area, but NOTHING like my pubic bone normally hurts when I'm pregnant (again with the higher baby??), so that's nice! It hurts at the back sort of down into my buttock on one side too, like the little tiny joints in my pelvis are all under pressure to the point where they hurt and want to "click" back into place to feel better again, but can't. That sort of thing. If I've been sitting down for any length of time, it's really sore when I start waddling, er, walking when I get up! ;) That's par for the course really, so I am not actually complaining - just making note. It comes hand in hand with being all big and round and pregnant, and MAN I love that part, so I'm not too put out about the discomfort (yet!)!

Okay, Nathan stirs again, so I will stop for now and write again if I remember something important.

27 weeks, 4 days - hello 3rd trimester!!!

Another gap that's longer than I would have liked to leave it, tsk. But here I am anyway! It's Easter and the boys are out for a walk. The atmosphere is horrible and heavy and it's making all of us feel heavy and exhausted and sleepy and irritable and restless. Urgh. I really don't like it when the weather is like this! It's not the WEATHER as such, just some sort of weird "air" - pressure maybe? I don't know. Anyway, it's horrible and this is the second day running (today is worse though). I hope it changes soon!

I have reached my final trimester of pregnancy!!!!! How in the wiiiide world?!?!?! It just amazes me that I'm here, at this stage. I can't fathom being actually near to my due date. But there are less than 8 weeks to go until the time I gave birth to Nathan, and less than 10 weeks till I reach full-term. Just under 13 weeks to go till my DUE DATE! Amazing. I know that time will fly by, and then I will actually go ahead and really and truly have another baby! *boggle*

Baby Tiny is now around the 2lb mark, and measures 14.5 inches from head to heel!! He's getting so big. Talking of which, he's getting so big!!! Seriously. This weather thing is not helping, but just this week I have plopped right into 3rd trimester mode, and suddenly feel heavy, exhausted and breathless practically all the time. It was a lovely 4-day week this week (in terms of Neil at work) because of Good Friday, but 3 of those 4 days, I was absolutely forced to lie on the sofa by 2pm (same time each day, pretty much) because I honestly could not keep my eyes open. All the email pregnancy updates and books MOCK me, saying how I need to make sure I have a nap every afternoon from this stage of pregnancy onwards, because I will probably be noticing how my body needs it, etc, etc. How badly does that mock the mother of many small children, who has no choice but to stay awake while the kids who don't nap stay awake too, however desperately and achingly and tearfully she needs it! It kind of makes it more frustrating that the mother of many small children who CAN'T nap actually needs to nap during pregnancy way more than the first-time pregnant mama to whom the advice is referring (who still needs to nap, but I'm just saying!)! Tsk.

So, I'm really feeling exhausted and overwhelmed this past week. I'm not dealing with run-of-the-mill stuff at all well, like the boys' behaviour (see other blog - not even going to post a link because it's a bit too shameful even!), stuff not happening when I want it to, and incessantly crying/whining little ones. Even with Neil home this long weekend (and thus his huuuuge support when the boys are being difficult), I am losing it easily. In the week I just would get angry at the boys more. Now I am still feeling angry, but also despairing, which is a new degree of hormonal helplessness! ;) This weekend was I think the first time the boys have been difficult (read: horrible) and I have just cried and sobbed right in front of them, because I had absolutely nothing else left and was suddenly OVERWHELMED with emotion and could not for the life of me have waited till I was upstairs somewhere more private, or stemmed the flow even a little bit. Even when all was resolved and calm again (some time later) I was still going, and had to make considerable effort to pull myself together otherwise I think I would have kept on crying and sobbing for a good hour or two. I kid you not! I just feel so fragile emotionally and weighed down hormonally right now. I'm sure it's just pregnancy, but it's not any fun right now! Hopefully it'll balance out again soon.

I had an unexpected midwife appointment this week, which I totally meant to write about at the time, but just haven't had time to unless I'd have stayed up crazy late to do so. I think it must have been the day after my last entry here or something - it was last Sunday, so I was 26 weeks and 4 days. I had a really bad headache all day that wouldn't go away. I took 3 rounds of painkillers (as in, every 4 hours, 3 times), none of which even touched it. I also felt a bit dizzy and wanted to blink more than usual (sounds weird I know), but can't say that I had any visual trouble as such. During the afternoon, I felt like I was really retaining water more than usual in my face, and wondered if that was the cause of my headache - just fluid retention in my head or something? My face felt tight around my eyes when I blinked, and just puffy in general. Neil really noticed it and commented on it several times, saying how suddenly it had come up. I googled and discovered that water retention in the FACE is not a good thing, especially presenting with other symptoms like headaches. So around 5pm I thought maybe I should take my blood pressure in case my headache was b/p-related. It was 135/75 which worried me a little bit because that's on the high side for me (I'm usually 100/60, give or take 10 points or so) even though it still falls in the normal range as far as blood pressure goes. I took it on the other arm (arms are always different!) and it was 125/65 - not so bad. Then I used on of my urinalysis sticks and tested my urine. It contained no sugar, but one plus of protein, and a trace of blood. I haven't been spotting at ALL so I didn't think it was contamination.

Because of the bad headache, swelling in my face, and protein in my urine, I decided to call my midwife team. They suggested I come in to the hospital where one of them could check me. I asked them if it was urgent or if I could do dinner and bedtime for the boys first. I thought it would not go so well for them if I disappeared at that particular point in the day! I know I might not always be able to guarantee this, but Mummy is ALWAYS here for dinner and bedtime, every single day. Always. The only exception being the time I was having Nathan in the hospital, but that's IT, since we had little ones at all! I would much rather keep this going if it's okay that I go in later to be checked, so I asked, and they said that was okay.

So we had dinner, and then the boys were HORRIBLY difficult to get to bed. Necessary discipline went on for EVER to sort out the whole palava, and so their bedtime was later than usual. Nathan went to bed on time, but the other two weren't in bed till 8.30, and even then they weren't asleep. I came downstairs to get my notes and get going to the hospital, but I sat down for a moment and just did not want to go, at all. I felt exhausted and my head hurt so much. I didn't want to be driving off for who-knows-how-long in the hospital, and it was getting late - I didn't want to increase the risk of being kept in overnight. I didn't want to put myself or the baby at risk (if there was one), but I also just wanted to rest at home with my headache. So I phoned my midwife team again, and told them this. They agreed to let me stay home that evening, but made me an appointment at the antenatal clinic for the next day. They said if anything got any worse or I just didn't feel right, I had to call them straight back and go in. So, phew, that was okay. Nothing got worse. My face started to feel less tight and puffy somewhere around 11pm, but my headache stayed.

In the morning it was still there, but not so bad as it had been. Neil came home at lunchtime (it was a 1pm appt) and watched the boys so that I didn't raise my blood pressure hauling them to the appointment! Which was so helpful. He ended up staying home for the afternoon and working from home that evening, because we didn't know if they'd want me to go to the Day Assessment Unit after the appointment, and I know from last pregnancy that it takes HOURS to get out of there!

But, the appointment went fine! Yay! My blood pressure was 116/60, thankfully! And the midwife wasn't concerned about any swelling at that time. I did a fresh urine sample which had NO protein, but it did have one plus of blood, a little more than the trace my test had shown the night before. Hmmm. She asked if I'd been spotting, and said it was likely just contamination, but I said I had not been spotting. She said if the blood continues to be present then they will probably add a kidney function test to my battery of blood tests coming up at the 28-week appointment, just to be on the safe side. So, everything seemed fine with the blood pressure and she just said if painkillers weren't touching my headaches, I might talk to my GP and ask for something stronger that's safe during pregnancy. I don't think I will bother though, unless they get frequent or debilitating. I'd rather not take any medication if I can help it.

So I had an appointment at 27 weeks! :) That was nice, especially since I will go back only one week later for my routine 28 week appointment! I like that little extra visit there! My 28 week appointment is this Wednesday. Oh! I just realised that I forgot to ask if they could do it at home. Oh well. I am not looking forward to taking the little ones with me at all, but it's a Sure Start centre so there's a huge playgroup play area with the midwife's office right off it, and she said the boys can play there while I'm being seen. I don't know if they'll all be happy to though, or at least not without regularly barging in and interrupting the appointment while I'm on the table, on display to the rest of the playgroup area! Nathan will definitely not want to be out of my sight, and that's okay. He'll also cry when the midwives look at him even. He's at that stage.

The midwife also checked my tummy, and I was measuring 26 weeks, and baby boy is finally HEAD DOWN - wheeee! I'm so very excited about that because, even though I know he could happily flip all over the place still for some time yet, he really hasn't been head down at all so far. He has been transverse, breech and oblique all the time, and I was starting to get nervous! So it was great to hear he was head down at last! Even more wonderfully, he hasn't moved out of the head-down position since my appointment!! Yay! He is head down all the time now, and I'm glad, except for the extra weight and pressure feeling in my pelvis all the time - which is probably compounded by just how fast this boy is GROWING lately! Yikes!

His heartrate was good (no number) and strong, and it was hard to get a good reading because he was so active in there, wiggling and flumping and shifting, and thumping the doppler constantly!

I am getting a GBS (Group B Strep) test at 36 weeks - as the midwife put it, "Presuming you haven't already given birth by then!"!!!! I hope this baby stays put till the expected arrival time! It was a bit nerve-wracking last time when Nathan arrived early, and I think I would rather it all go according to plan this time! ;) Although, it did last time, of course. It was utterly God's plan that he was born that very day, and had been from the dawn of time :) I just had no idea, that's all, hehe! If my waters don't unexpectedly break, then I am looking at delivering after my due date (fun, fun) because that's just what I do. Usually! ;) Anyway, I'm eager to know whether I still have the GBS this time. I easily could. But I hope I don't. I'd just rather not get the bags and bags of IV antibiotics, and have the option of birthing at home - though I am really not sure if that's what I want right now. If I am GBS+ again, she said they would advise me to go into hospital for IV antibiotics during labour, as before. Last time I was all up to fight that, until the unexpected early delivery. This time, I really don't mind. Where I am when I give birth and whether or not I get IV stuff matters far less to me this time compared with, "How the HECK will I get through it?!?!" urrrrgh. I'm really somewhat dreading it. It's so fast and painful and completely (no really, I can't actually put it into words) unbearable. The sloooooowwww slowness with Arthur was actually more bearable than the bulleting baby thing I have had going on since my first baby! And I'm not sure how to brace myself and bear it again this time. But anyway, there's time to think about that yet (says the midwife). Time seems to be disappearing fast, if you ask me! Eeep.

But I can't WAIT to meet him! And find out his name! I just don't know what it will beee! I think Benjamin for now, but without any sort of firm decisiveness. I still think Noah some of the time, and regularly rub my belly and ask the little one within if he's a Noah or a Benjamin. He doesn't signal either way, so I'm still in the dark! ;) I did a poll recently on a Baby Names board, and got about 100 votes - 60/40 split in favour of Benjamin. Most of the commenters (about 11 or 12 I think) said they preferred Noah though. Hey ho, we'll eventually know! :)

Baby boy has been extremely active lately, way more than I was prepared for! He's kicking me hard now, and even when I'm up and walking about, a swift thud from my tiny boy's foot actually jars me a little as I walk, if it's out to my front or sides (which it usually is now that he's head down all the time). He also pokes very sharp parts of himself out at times and those actually HURT my skin! He thumps my bladder and cervix with his hands and that is not comfortable, but I love alllll of it! It's just the best best BEST thing to have a little tiny person busily exercising little limbs inside your very own body! So amazing. I could never get tired of it, and it's as fresh and wonderful every pregnancy as the first time I felt it.

He is practising breathing a LOT at the moment. Sometimes I see my belly doing a little quick panting movement where his back is - updown, updown, updown updown - my heart goes to MUSH when I see that, just like it always did with my other babies! So sweet! He is getting hiccups a lot more now that he's practising his breathing so very much - usually 4 or so times a day at the moment. The last two days he has had hiccups 5 or 6 times each day! He sometimes really gets agitated when he gets hiccups, and thrashes around wildly, like he's annoyed about it or trying to escape the hiccups or something! Arthur was exactly like that in the womb, and he used to get hiccups 5+ times a day as a norm.

All the boys have felt him kick and wiggle about now, and Arthur felt his hiccups today! The hiccups are really clear and easy to feel now, and today I could clearly see my belly "hiccuping" just by laying on the sofa and watching it! It was blipping away gently :)

I haven't had any bothersome headaches since that bad one, and that one itself cleared up later in the day after my midwife appointment. I am definitely retaining water more than I was at 26 weeks, but that's the way it goes with pregnancy (or me, anyway!) from this stage onwards. I think I recall looking really puffy in the face at 34 weeks compared with before then, and it stays unfortunately :( My wedding ring still fits but it can be tight at times now, and I've noticed my fingers and toes looking slightly sausagey if I get too warm in the evenings sometimes. What fun June and July will be if there's a heatwave this summer!! I just really can't wait!! (sarcasm fully intended)

I'm trying to think if there's anything else, but my head has gone empty. Oh well. I'm sure there is! But I'll write more next time I update, if I remember by then. I will be 28 weeks (TWENTY-EIGHT WEEKS!!!!!) on Wednesday, and I'll update about the midwife appointment. I have a lot of blood drawn at that appointment, and I'm refusing the usual Anti-D injection, as per last pregnancy and the discovery of a rhesus negative husband! ;)

Oh, I did get a belly picture for 26 weeks, though it was taken at 26 weeks and a few days, but I didn't post it till just now. It was on the camera and I hadn't had chance to upload it till tonight. Anyway, it's in the belly gallery now. I can't believe I need to take another one in just 3 days!

And I nearly forgot to say - my comment about the twin girls next time last entry... it wasn't just a weird thing that popped in my head. I can't even remember if I've mentioned it before actually. I'll check my older entries and be back in a minute. Nope, I never did! I browsed old diary entries for aaaages (ahhh, sweet, misty-eyed memory lane! *sigh*), and the boys came home so I'm now continuing this in the evening with the boys in bed for the night.

Okay I never said it before in my diary because it just seemed tooooo crazy to the point of daftness. I remember I did not even mention the fact that I prayed about future babies when Nathan was 3 weeks old, until several weeks later, for the same reason. That time, I was holding Nathan in my arms upstairs in the bedroom. He was sleeping, and I was ADORING him and praising God for such a sweet and wonderful blessing! It was such a precious moment. Without even planning or meaning to, my words of thanksgiving to God began to be prayers for future blessings - praying for the next baby, that God would be pleased to bless me with more children! I started to ask God if he would be pleased to bless me with a baby girl, and to tell him that I would rejoice over another baby boy if that was his will - and then right at that moment, I literally felt/heard an almost audible voice (you guys have read about this before, I think I've posted about it 2 or 3 times now, in some way or another) that said, "The next baby is Benjamin". Just like that. Followed by absolute silence - "stunned" silence, on my part, hehe! I was so amazed to hear such a clear and unexpected statement, and I believed it to be God's voice. So, from that moment, I KNEW we would be having a baby boy next, and felt confident that his name would be Benjamin. Hmmm, re-living that moment is a real reminder that this baby really SHOULD be named Benjamin, I think! I mean, for that very reason, we WILL be using the name Benjamin, either as his first or middle name. But maybe it was so clear and obvious - no matter the hurdles about the name Benjamin for this baby, maybe God has just SAID. That IS to be his name. Hmmm. I need to think and pray some more, and talk it through with Neil. But I do like Noah Benjamin as well :) Noah means "rest" and "comfort" and although he was very very laid-back at the nuchal scan and I didn't even feel his movements for much longer than the other boys, he is now very much NOT a restful baby! ;) So, the name meaning fits less now. Well, we'll see.

ANYWAY, my point was this: I mentioned the prayer time when Nathan was 3 weeks old a few times here before, to point out the whole Benjamin thing. I NEVER mentioned the bit where I felt like after Nathan might come twin girls, because - how nuts?! How unlikely?! And how quick I am to doubt or question when I feel like God MIGHT have revealed something to me that I couldn't possibly know (like when Nathan was a boy, at 8 weeks pregnant, or when this baby was going to be Benjamin, 8 months before he was even conceived! I doubted after those times too. *sigh*). There are no twins in my family. We don't DO girls, hehe! It wasn't a real fanfare voice from God thing like the moment before that when I heard him tell me about Benjamin. So right then and there, I quickly put it down to my mind wandering, or wishful thinking. Although, I have never wished for twins! I'm scared silly of having twins, on all counts - pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum bit where I have enough small children to make my head spin a bit! ;) Even if twins were my FIRST pregnancy, I would be scared as to how in the wide world to handle two newborn babies, or two colicky babies, or two newly mobile babies, or two tantrumming babies, or two - you get the picture?! Let alone all of the above AS WELL AS 4 little boys! So no, I have not been wishing! But it was so random, and I wondered. Then I put it aside as just something weird from my own head. Until I told Neil about the prayer time later that day, about the next baby being Benjamin. He said that he wondered if we'd have twin girls after Benjamin, and I did feel a little hot/cold when he said that! I told him that weirdly enough, that's the thought that popped into my head. We have mentioned it briefly maybe 3 or 4 times over the year that followed.

These last two months, for some reason I know not, the whole "twin girls after this one" thing has resurfaced in my mind a few times. I find myself daydreaming about it sometimes, and quickly try to shake myself and go back to what I was doing when I notice I'm doing it! I put it down to not having a daughter yet, and the fact that I would like one - I'm NOT desperate to have a baby girl. I would LOVE to have one! But I would happily be mama to boys only if that's the way it goes. I won't "try for a girl", because I just want babies of any gender that God sees fit to bless us with. And, let's face it, I LOVE having boys! :) They're all so cute and cuddly, and it's what I know.

So, yesterday Arthur was snuggling up on the sofa next to me and my large bump :) Wiggly boy was wiggling and Arthur was feeling him move about for a while. We had a long talk, because he wanted to hear about how babies are born again (he knows it well, but likes to hear it from time to time). He wants me to give birth HERE in the living room, not in the hospital. He will go and stand over by the kitchen doorway and say, "This is where Matthew and I will stand to watch!" hehe! I always remind him that there will be a) mess (he doesn't like mess, so I need to remind him that's what he'll see!) and b) a lot of noise that Mummy makes. He lately wants me to make a lot of noise as if I'm having the baby, so that we can all play "the new baby is coming!", bless his heart! He's so excited. But I don't know how to make him understand the NOISE that Mummy will make! I tell him that I don't want to scare him or the little boys, with my noise, but it's a LOT of noise and it seems like Mummy is scared or hurting a LOT when she makes all that noise, so they might not like it! We talked a lot about pain in labour, and why it's there. He didn't look happy about it, but I made light of it and told him it's just the way it is, even the Bible says that's how it is, and Mummy doesn't mind because she is just so happy to have her babies in her arms at the end of it! It was so worth it every time. That's what I tell him. He seems happier about it then.

But anyway. After this long discussion, he came back and sat next to me on the sofa again, quiet for a moment. Then he gasped and said, "What if it's TWIN babies in your tummy!" I reminded him that our baby is only ONE baby, and we know that for sure - one boy baby. He said, "But next time, what if it's twin babies! How will they get out?!" I did not want to go into C-sections and all that jazz, so I just told him that they often come out the same way one baby does, just one at a time - they take turns! ;) He thought about this, and then sat back and said, "I think we should have twin babies next!" He paused and then leapt up again with another "I've had a thought!" type of gasp, and said, "We'll have five babies if this baby is twin babies!" (I reminded him again that this baby is ONE BOY BABY! But he continued...) "Matthew, that's one.... Arthur, that's two.... Nathan, that's three.... The first twin, that's four.... and the second twin, that's FIVE babies!!" He sat back looking stunned and contemplative for a few seconds, then shook his head knowingly, "We'll need five grown-ups." Hehe! I said, "But Arthur, there's only Mummy. And Daddy, when he's not at work." He paused again, thoughtfully, and shook his head in the same worldly wise manner, and said, "Well, I'll have to do start doing a lot of work then!" ;) I told him that it WOULD be a lot of work if we had twins with all the boys we already have, and that I would be ever so glad of his help. But did he realise that twins would be very very hard work? I reminded him that he finds it frustrating when a baby messes up his games, or when they cry all the time when they're tiny, needing Mummy a lot. Or when Mummy spends ages upstairs settling a baby for naps. And so on. I told him that with twins, there are TWO babies doing this all the time! He nodded, thoughtfully. And then I said that if Mummy had twin babies in her tummy, she might need to lie down a LOT of the time, and she might be extra tired and perhaps not feel so well, because it would be very hard work to grow and carry two babies at once! So that might not be easy for him either. He nodded again and then spent a while quiet by my side. I figured the conversation was over and he had some food for thought.

After a couple of minutes, he piped up confidently, "I think we should have twin babies next time!" I felt so taken aback that I didn't know how to answer him! I just said that if he really wanted twin babies he ought to ask God about it. Arthur never prays. He gets shy and doesn't want to, and we never make him. But instantly he scrunched his eyes closed, and said out loud, "God.... I just want you to make twin babies for Mummy's tummy.... God.... I would like twin babies please. Amen." Then he opened his eyes and smiled with such confidence! He said, "I will pray for girl twins." I sort of stammered a question along the lines of, "But I thought you liked just having brothers?" and he said we didn't have any girl babies yet. He did express a bit of concern about his decision though, saying that girl babies might not do what he wanted them to, haha! I said that was true of boy babies too, and it didn't make a difference whether it was girl babies or boy babies on that sort of thing!

So I wanted to make note of that rather scary conversation, lol! I told Neil about Arthur's prayer later and he sort of visibly paled (hehe!) and immediately referred to how it's something we have felt might happen too. However, Arthur has said things about babies and such in the past that seemed kind of prophetic and goose-bumply at the time but which have not come to light (Beth-nee coming after Nay-fan, for example!), but it's the first time he has honestly prayed to God about it. And I for one know that God tends to answer the heartfelt prayers of little children! I have actually been praying about it since, that if that's God's wonderful plan for us, he would enable me physically, and equip me for the 6-children-in-6-years type of situation (WONDERFUL, but aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!), and just prepare me to be emotionally ready and not afraid. With twins, I'm afraid of how my body will manage the pregnancy, and moreover for the actual babies - there are so many more risks for twins, especially identical twins. And the idea of newborn twins maybe 18 months after this baby is born, with the little boys I already have.... right now it's SCARY and overwhelming! It may very likely not remotely happen at all! God may be completing our family with Benjamin (or Noah?!), Neil may say NO MORE and I will have to honour that, or we may have a big age gap next, or just our usual one with yet another sweet boy, hehe! But I want to be ready, if God chooses to bless our socks off with twins. So, I did mention it last entry very casually, but there's more behind it than I let on, and I thought I would spill about it this time! ;)

Now I've spent half the day writing this, and I need a glass of water anyway, so I will stop for now! Back soon! :)

26 weeks, 3 days! Nearly the end of my 2nd trimester!

I'm still here! I can't believe it has been a couple of weeks since I updated - so bad of me! :( I am not that motivated to write here like I used to be. I need to move to Blogger with this diary like I have with my arthursmummy one. Diaryland is so quiet now.

Well I'm doing fine! I can NOT believe that I only have FOUR DAYS to go till my 3rd trimester starts!!!!!! It's so surreal and I honestly can't get my head around it properly! I feel so busy and distracted from pregnancy all the time, and at the same time it's going by sooooooo fast.

I haven't even taken my belly picture for 26 weeks yet! I'd better get that sorted with Neil tomorrow, then it will just be 4 days late rather than completely missed out!

My next midwife appointment should be at 28 weeks - not long now! I need to phone and arrange it though. I'm going to ask if she can come to my house to do the appointment, because she suggested the possibility last time, and it would be soooo helpful. Right now, taking all 3 boys out to something like an appointment is kind of exhausting and stressful, and to have the option of her coming here would be wonderful in comparison! I hope she'll be happy to do that.

I'm really eager for someone to check on the baby's position, because I am having a hard time pinpointing it. I know it's not that relevant to anything this early on, but still, I'm curious and I want to know these things!

A couple of things are different from what I remember from my previous pregnancies:

I am bigger at 26 weeks than any of my other 26 week belly pictures. I know I may well take a picture tomorrow and put it up here and compare, and it will look pretty much the same as the other pregnancies at that stage, BUT I really do feel bigger, and Neil is commenting on it too. I stick out more. The baby seems to have had a big growth spurt since my last belly picture at 24 weeks, or maybe a couple of them! Just these last few days I have noticed a change in how big I feel (and look, according to Neil, and my protesting waistlines on maternity jeans that I was still wearing at 28 weeks in my previous pregnancy belly pics!), and just today and yesterday I have been really aware of how much stronger the baby's movements have suddenly become - "bigger" movements too.

It's hard to tell the baby's position because he is kicking all over the place like he has legs to the left, right, top and bottom! ;) Also, I am (unusually) having a hard time telling which type of limb just jabbed me. Normally I can clearly tell hand or foot, or even knee/elbow, long before now.

I actually wonder if I have more amniotic fluid this time? It's a wild guess, but when I recline and bare my tummy to enjoy watching and feeling the baby kick about and wiggle, it's just like a big round waterbed, seriously. Big kicks don't really show, and the whole belly just wobbles about like jelly. When I try to palpate the baby and feel the position or limbs near the surface, it's hard because I seem to be just squeezing huge pockets of fluid with a little baby part ballotting about somewhere in it! I am sure this isn't something I've felt with the other pregnancies I have had. I hope it's okay... I wish I had a midwife appointment sooner so that she could check the baby for me and see if I'm growing on target.

The baby's position is rarely (if ever) head down, and to be honest the amount of fluid I'm trying to feel through is making it hard to get a good feel for a head or bottom or ANYTHING for sure really. I do know that I often feel a head in my side or (a little more often now than before) down in my hip, so an oblique lie. One time I felt it up on my right side, high up, so breech that time. Maybe that accounts for the different/larger belly for the stage I'm at? Or maybe it's just extra evidence that I might have more fluid than usual, given that it would help the baby "float" (haha!) around into any old position he feels like for a while longer?! It makes me so extremely nervous that he's tangling himself into a dangerous mess with his umbilical cord. I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it! I think that's my biggest anxiety about the baby this time. Cord accidents happen, and with all his rolling and flipping and position-changing, I'm so nervous about it! I pray over him a lot that he'll be okay and that his cord will preserve his life, not take it! :S

Oh! I should just get a tape measure and measure my bump myself! Then I would have some idea! I think my tape measures are packed away with my sewing stuff though :(

Baby boy is very active a lot of the day and evening now. He is very strong and can do that sort of "Thumper" rabbit kick thing against the mattress when I lie on my side, that I remember so well from my other busy baby boys in there, hehe! Today was the first day that he has kicked me hard enough with "jabby" parts of himself for it to actually hurt my "skin" as he kicks, even when I'm walking about doing things! I get dull thuds and kicks to my cervix and bladder a lot, but lately he seems to be facing out and all the kicks are to my front or low down above my pubic bone. He also gets hiccups more clearly now. The other day his hiccups were like little sharp taps JUST above my pubic bone, and I was really happy about that because that makes it seem likely that he's head down if that's the location of his hiccups. But his other bouts of hiccups haven't been there since then, they've been all over the place, and not too easy to feel clearly because they seem lost in a huge bubble of fluid or something!

Anyway. I am not sure what I weigh, because I haven't weighed myself since just before 24 weeks, BUT just before I turned 26 weeks I suddenly changed shape in my face and outgrew a bunch of maternity jeans (that I normally still fit into later than this, yikes!). My face is more "weighty" now and it looks as though I am retaining water more. I feel that way too, sometimes, just heavier and puffy. I have no particular swelling in my hands or feet yet though, and my wedding ring is still fine! :) I am kind of uncomfortable "down below" this pregnancy, from pretty early on. I remember the same from the last two pregnancies, especially Nathan's. It's just that I'm sore a lot of the time and swollen all the time too. I regularly freak out that I'm getting varicosities there! But I remember doing exactly the same last pregnancy, and maybe the time before too, and I never had any, so that's my only reassurance right now!

This week I am newly breathless by mid-sentence, and at any exertion really. I haven't had the racy pulse with it until today when I just didn't sit down when I got breathless. I carried on standing up in the kitchen and trying to talk to Neil about something, and then I started to feel weak and weird, and checked my pulse and it was racing. So I had to come into the living room and lie on the sofa for a bit until I felt less breathless. It's exactly the same as my last pregnancy (and the one before) - last pregnancy they had me monitored at the hospital a couple of times because I had a racing pulse and breathlessness just sitting in the chair at a couple of antenatal appointments, and they were concerned about that. Of course, the effort of hauling little ones to those appointments was the main reason I felt so breathless (it really doesn't take much exertion to get me out of breath at this stage!), so I'm hoping that if I just lay low and don't take on basically ANYTHING now, out of the house, then I'll fare much better this time. I've stayed at home WAY more this pregnancy than any of my others, and it's made a big difference. I have had so much energy lately, and I've been using it on useful stuff like the housework and the children (!) instead of getting from place to place and loading and unloading small people! Those things alone sap my entire day's energy when I'm pregnant, so I realised it makes no sense to keep doing it!

I can't think what else suddenly. Matthew just woke from a bad dream about a big bumble bee (he was scared of one at the park today, poor love!) and now I've lost my train of thought after settling him. Oh but my stretch marks are back on the front of my bump now. They're visible properly (as purple/silvery lines) because they're fully stretched out now. Matthew expressed surprise at my "stipey" (stripey!) tummy the other day and wanted to examine and touch them carefully, with some concern! ;) I found that sweet because those particular stretch marks are actually courtesy of Matthew-Binks himself, not Arthur or Nathan! ;)

Still no name for this baby boy, but that's fine. I still have absolutely no choices other than Noah or Benjamin, and am aware that Neil isn't on the same page as far as that goes. But we've communicated about it and he knows where I stand. We're just not really thinking about it too much at the moment, because we have a zillion other things going on that are distracting us from naming our baby! Lately I've become re-attached to Benjamin in a big way though, and I had been leaning towards Noah for a long time before that. So who knows! I don't feel a pressure about it (yet!), so it's okay for now. I actually don't mind calling him "baby boy", although I've noticed that I NEVER refer to or think of him as Babydot any more. That seems like a name we used in the earlier stages of pregnancy, before we knew for sure he was a boy. Even though we don't have a name to take the place of "Babydot", we're really not using Babydot at all any more. So, for now he's just baby boy! :) And I like that at the moment!

Let's see.... I'm not really craving anything in particular at all. No vinegraitte cravings at all this pregnancy! ;) I like food, but not so that I MUST keep eating at all times! I do eat more than my fair share of chocolate-related items during the evening though, I will admit! Lately I really want fruit in the evenings, mainly apples. They are so crisp and yummy and juicy, and I could honestly eat 3 in a row. The only reason I don't is that I don't buy enough of them at once, and so we have enough for the boys to munch until the next supermarket delivery, and lately they've been really into eating apples every day so there aren't any left for me! I am also SUPER thirsty lately, just this week.

I feel very tired these last few days, just sleepy before I'm usually sleepy in the evenings, and if I stay up late (unwisely!) then I will find my head jerking up when I've nodded without realising it while surfing the internet! I neeevvvvver do that, pregnant or not, so it's unusual for me and a good indication that I'm much more in need of sleep than usual right now. Talking of which, it's getting pretty late so I should go to bed! It's Saturday night so I am in the blissful position of being able to lie in tomorrow as well as having done so this morning, with Neil home from work! Ahhh, sooo lovely to sleep!

As and when I finally get a 26-week belly picture, I will post it on the gallery and probably make a quick entry to say it's there. And if I find a tape measure and check the size of my bump, I'll update about that too! Otherwise I will try NOT to leave it 2 weeks this time! I can't believe my 2nd trimester is almost finished! The 3rd trimester is really the home stretch, and it's just unfathomable that I'm at that stage already!!! I need to plan much more for the birth this time, as I'm really not feeling comfortable about that part still! I also MUST MUST MUST write Nathan's birth story before much more time passes. I'm forgetting details already, and that makes me so sad. I don't want to get to having to write it after giving birth again, because I know I'll lose a lot of Nathan's birth in the muddle of birth-related memories! I will try to do that soon.

Thanks for the sweet comments on my 24 week belly pictures with the boys! I'm so pleased with those. I wish I had a belly photo taken with my little ones from my last two pregnancies, but oh well. I will definitely do it next time - hoping there's a next time! :) I'm thinking twin girls next time, what d'you reckon?! ;)

24 weeks, 3 days - belly pictures again!

Yay, yay, yaaaay, 24 WEEKS!!!! I'm so excited to be 24 weeks pregnant! My little tiny man is now viable - he stands a chance of survival if he is born NOW, and that chance goes up week by week :) I love 24 weeks!

I feel great! I get tired and breathless quickly, but my energy is really good overall. I am doing lots of housework and seemingly dashing about the house all day long running the house and meeting the children's needs, and not finding it overwhelming. I hope I manage in the 3rd trimester when I get huge and don't feel so energetic! I have to take things in small bursts to keep up the way I'm doing things, but that happens to be the way it goes with lots of small children anyway. You do one task and then have to stop to do something completely different. Then you go back to what you were doing, and then stop to do something else. Then it's nap or lunch time so the pace has to change again, and so on. This suits pregnancy VERY well! ;) Today (Saturday) Neil took the boys out into town to buy new shoes for them, and Nathan napped for 2 straight hours!! While he did that I had a much longer opportunity to really work on housework and such, and I found that I burnt out before that time was up. I felt queasy and breathless and exhausted, and lay in a sweating heap on the sofa hoping I would feel better soon! I did, but I learnt that I don't need to go overdoing it, even though my energy levels seem good right now. The pace I have during the week with the boys is working well, and I shouldn't strive beyond that. Also, I need to be careful to watch for my body slowing down over the coming weeks and months, and be okay with having to drop the pace again as that happens.

Neil took my 24 week belly picture tonight (24 weeks and 3 days, oops!), and I wanted the boys in the photo too, since it was nearly their bedtime and the opportunity was there to take a photo with them in it! I so rarely get photos of me with all my little ones (or any photos of me with any of my little ones, usually!), so I'm really happy to have these! I only put one of them in the belly gallery - the one where I'm less slumped. It's hard to stand totally straight for the photo when I'm also holding Nathan, and I'm facing the opposite way to my usual belly pictures. Also, I'm wearing my denim maternity pinafore dress!!! I am loving dresses and more feminine maternity wear this pregnancy, and have used birthday money to buy a few more of these kind of items from eBay! So exciting! Anyway, I feel so happy in this dress whenever I wear it. Here are the two photos Neil took tonight:

Arthur and Matthew were monkeying around! They were a bit of a nightmare to settle for bed after that! ;) Nathan was not so thrilled about the mini photo-shoot by the second photo. We're laughing because Neil, in desperation, made the silliest face and a rather rude noise with it! ;)

I had my 24 week appointment with my GP on Wednesday, the day I turned 24 weeks. It went great! Everything is normal and healthy, very run-of-the-mill. I told her that this feels like my most straight-forward pregnancy so far, and it really does. They are all pretty straight-forward, thankfully, apart from the bleeeeding I seem to do in the first trimester. But this one is going smoothly and I'm so thankful! I hope it continues that way!

My blood pressure was 116/70, very normal and healthy. She said my urine was perfect, no trace of sugar or protein. No swelling anywhere, except this thing going on with my midriff, hehe! ;)

I took all the boys with me as Neil was working, of course, and it went fine. They were a bit of a handful on the way out after the appointment, but otherwise well behaved. Nathan is having a super duper stranger-anxiety phase all of a sudden. He cries at the sight of anyone he doesn't know at the moment!! It's not really how he is in general, so I guess it's just a phase and it will pass. Anyway he was like a little limpet at the doctor's, and I held him while everything was done, including lying on top of my chest while I lay on the examination table for the doctor to feel my tummy and listen to the baby's heartbeat! Arthur stood on the step-stool next to the table so he could be involved too, and Matthew stood nearby, but he was interested in the toys on the floor. They all liked hearing the baby's heartbeat, which was healthy and strong. It took the doctor a while to find it, but I could have told her where to put the doppler right away, as I could feel where his back was pressing against me (and thus where she'd find his heartbeat). She looked everywhere but there first, hehe!

She felt my tummy for a while, and said the baby is transverse! I don't think I've had that told to me many times over my pregnancies, if at all! My womb will be getting kind of stretchy with me having had several pregnancies now, all close together, and there is more chance for the baby to get into any old position, even later on. I am not too thrilled about the possibility that he could be transverse or breech right near the end of my pregnancy! I don't want a caesarean!

He's a real wiggler lately. That evening, after the boys were in bed, I lay on the sofa and checked for myself. Sure enough, a very hard round HEAD in my right side! His back was up towards my ribs and he was happily flailing all his limbs down at my bladder and cervix. He can really kick so much harder these days! The next day I noticed a lot of STOMPING on my cervix, and lay down to check his position again. Hard round head right up the top under my stomach! So he was breech that day. He has moved around so much these last few days, changing position a lot. The only position I haven't been aware of him in over that time is cephalic (head down)!

I just put the laptop down and lay down to check his position again, and he's transverse. His head is back in my right side, but his back is towards mine right now. There's absolutely NOTHING down in my pelvis! That feels a bit disconcerting! He is not too pleased with me right now and was poking my hands in a really jabby way with his own hands, hehe! His limbs are facing my tummy and slightly up towards my ribs. It's so weird, in that I've never really had a baby do this before, even for a quick while one day. I really really really hope he is not going to stay in this position, or tend to favour it! I hope he'll get happy being head-down very soon and stay there! I know there's plenty of time yet, blah blah blah. I'd just prefer it if he wasn't so very happy lying across me in a way that will NOT help him get out when it's time!!

Anyway so my next antenatal appointment is 28 weeks with my midwife team. They'll phone me to arrange that, I THINK. If they haven't in a couple of weeks, I will probably phone them to be sure.

This pregnancy is soooo zipping by!

Neil likes the idea of a 'J' name for this baby, but he can't think of the perfect one. I've been back to the baby books and databases to search the 'J's but haven't found anything I really love yet. I'd be happy to use a J name if I found one I loved enough, and which went with the other boys' names. Personally, I still just have Benjamin and Noah as my complete shortlist, and can't find anything else that comes near to them. If I'm honest, they're the only names I want to choose from. I am not sure what we'll do about this by July! But we've got time, so we'll see how we go.

I keep forgetting to say things here, and try to remember to list them in my head for the next time I update my diary, but they fall out of my head so easily!!

So, FINALLY, to catch up!

* From 16/17 weeks onwards I have the worst skin I've had since my teens! I never really did have any teenage skin trouble actually, just the odd few spots around my period and that's it. I think last pregnancy my skin was breaking out a little more at times than I'd noticed with the first two pregnancies. This time, around 16 or so weeks, my skin was breaking out with several new spots on my face every couple of days, which I have NEVER had before even in my teens or other pregnancies. It has also continued for 6 or 7 weeks without stopping, and just now I'm noticing a slowing-down in the number and frequency of spots I'm finding on my face. They're only on my face though, and really it's not a big problem - it's not AWFUL skin or anything, just very outside of my norm and I meant to note it here long ago but kept forgetting!

* I weighed myself at exactly 20 weeks and I was 9 stone 9lbs. I couldn't remember what I weighed at the start of my pregnancy so I kept meaning to look that up before posting about my 20-week weight here, but never got round to it (hence no update on the weight!). I STILL don't know what I weighed pre-pregnancy this time! I will stop this and look it up RIGHT NOW! :)

Okay I checked my diary and I was weighed at the doctor's when I went to tell her I was pregnant (4 weeks I think). I was 9 stone 2lbs, BUT I don't think that's very accurate necessarily, because I was fully clothed (and shoed!), and they're not the scales I normally weigh myself on at home. So it could be out by a few lbs or something, either way. Anyway, I think that's all I have to go by, so let's say it's accurate for argument's sake! So at 20 weeks that would make my weight gain 7lbs (ish). I weighed myself with all my other pregnancies at 20 weeks for comparison. I weigh the most this time to start with, which is true of every pregnancy, hmmm!

Last pregnancy at 20 weeks I weighed 9 stone 2lbs! I had gained 11lbs with Nathan, 9.5lbs with Matthew, and 10lbs with Arthur. Very similar. So that makes me think that my clothes and shoes and the different scales probably had my starting weight a good few lbs higher than what I actually weighed. I'm guessing I weighed just under 9 stone at the start of my pregnancy, and had probably gained about 10lbs at 20 weeks.

Sooo I have weighed myself again for 24 weeks - the scales said 10 stone 4lbs! Yipes! NOT that I stress about weight-gain during pregnancy, as you probably know if you've read me through any of my other pregnancies - it's a HUGE peeve of mine how so many people obsess about weight-gain during pregnancy! Gah!

Anyway, I'm guessing my total gain at 24 weeks is roughly 18lbs. I checked my diary (LOVE this place!!) and I had weighed myself at 23 weeks and 3 days with Nathan, and had gained 17lbs. I gained 18lbs with Arthur and 14lbs with Matthew at that stage, so I'm right on track for my pregnancies! :) I always gain about 55lbs total, but I am guessing I didn't last time, because Nathan came 5 weeks early (SIX weeks earlier than Matthew did!) so I wouldn't have packed on those last lbs with him. I never feel good with all that weight on at the end, but it comes off with breastfeeding, and I know it has an important purpose - laying down fat stores to fuel breastmilk supply. I don't mind it. I just wish I didn't feel so HEAVY around my due date, and postpartum.

* I am producing colostrum, and have been for some weeks. I just checked around 21 weeks and found that I could express a little golden-white milk. White because I'm still breastfeeding, but the golden element is the colostrum :) Lately when I hand express a little to see (I really have next to nothing left in there, though Matthew always denies this and tells me it's tasty, hehe!), it's either completely clear/golden or cloudy and yellowish white, so totally colostrum now, yay! I love making colostrum! I always get excited about it, as it means my body is getting ready to nurse the NEXT baby, and that's so exciting!!! I'm still nursing Nathan and Matthew as before - Matthew at bedtime and if he ever gets badly hurt or something. Nathan nurses on demand, which is not that much now. He nurses for naps and bedtime. I haven't fully night-weaned him yet and he's nursing in the last 2 or 3 hours of the night. I settle him by patting or holding him if he wakes before then (which he DOES). Thanks Jemma for the reminder about The No-Cry Sleep Solution! I forgot I had it! It soooo didn't work for Arthur and we didn't pay it any attention with Matthew, since he was easier to transition (and we were turned off it because it didn't work with Arthur), but I've been reading it again this past week. We're trying a couple of things out from the book, but right now we're not seeing any improvement as such. We'll keep at it for now.

My pubic bone still tends to be sore, but I have noticed that it's improving a bit this week. I think it's adjusting, like I had hoped/expected it might, for a while. OR it's not that stressed right now due to a baby that's up across my tummy and not leaning on my pubic bone! ;)

I'm finding it much harder to lean right down over my bump for something now. I'm also getting the usual heartburn, nothing too bad. Baby boy isn't getting many bouts of hiccups this week so far. He was very quiet for a couple of days and I was getting anxious about it. At the same time my appetite was soooo small and I just felt sluggish and yucky. Then everything went back to normal, and I remembered that's how I feel when the baby is having a growth spurt (or is it just before/after it? I can't remember exactly). He goes all quiet and I feel like a slug! I'm always glad when he's wiggly again and I'm hungry and feeling better!

Well, I can't think of much else I wanted to say this week, so I'll finish this now. Thank you so much for the encouraging guestbook messages! Polly, thanks for the ideas you keep giving me! I follow up on each of them (have watched the BBCi thingy - may blog about that at my other blog soon! And have signed Arthur up with the road safety thing) - thank you so much! Thanks also to Kaitlyn for the notes - I honestly plan to respond to those at my other blog, but seem to always forget!! :S I love getting messages - thank you!!

Oh! I almost forgot - Babycenter.com says that Babydot is now 30cm long! And weighs approximately 1lb 5oz! So amazing. I told Arthur today that the baby's foot is about the length of his big toe (he has long toes!) and he kept looking at his toe with his mouth open in awe :) The baby bumped Nathan with his hands this week while Nathan was draped over my tummy (he likes this position!), but I don't think Nathan noticed. I've also noticed/remembered that a pregnant bump seems to be a perfect natural shape for a toddler to nurse around. Nathan can flop on my front and nurse without being flat as a pancake any more! He nestles cosily over the curve of my bump, or sits at my side cuddling up to it with my arm cuddling him. Nursing during pregnancy is such a precious experience, and I LOVE it completely. Except it can be sore sometimes! But I love it :)

I have also noticed/been reminded that a pregnant bump feels so perfect to sit a toddler on for cuddles! I loved it when my bump arrived more obviously, because it felt so natural to have a 1-year-old straddled across it against my front for cuddles, or to walk him around if he was teething or unhappy. It's such a useful shelf, hehe! It feels so snug and like it's made for snuggling a little one on top! I love it. LOVE being pregnant and having little ones close together. I would not change it for the world, and would do exactly the same if I had to go back and choose again. It's hard work, though I find that I'm adjusting a lot this year. And it's SO worthwhile, and full of such joy and blessings!

23 weeks pregnant (long!)

So incredibly behind here!!! Aaargh!

Well, I missed updating at 22 weeks (23 weeks today, woweee!) but I DID get a belly photo at exactly 22 weeks, yay! So it's finally up in the belly gallery. I was TIRED that evening and thus don't look very fun or smiley, but oh well! I really wanted to crop that one and put just my belly in the picture! But the bump actually looks different with the perspective of the rest of me there too, and that's how I always take belly pictures from 20 weeks onwards so I have stuck to that. I will try to smile more next time! ;)

Since then I think my bump has had a growth spurt, and Neil thinks so too. A few nights ago I pulled up my top and lay down on the sofa to see if I could feel the baby having hiccups (yes, first hiccups for SURE this week! And second. And third!), and Neil said, "Woah!" I think his choice of words could improve somewhat, but anyway! ;) That same night when I got ready for bed, I could not believe how big my bump was all of a sudden, or at least it seemed very sudden. So much bigger than a couple of nights before. Neil says it's come out more as well as seeming rounder.

The top of my uterus is now clearly felt about an inch above my tummy button, and I LOVE this stage onwards, because my tummy button is permanently flat since Matthew's pregnancy (it was semi-flat after Arthur and didn't have time to fully pop back in - I've never had an outie though), and when I'm pregnant my skin/flesh there seems ever so thin for about an inch all around it. It makes a wonderful "window" to feel the baby way more clearly once my uterus has grown past it and the baby is thus behind it some or lots of the time! I can feel a limb or the end of one really clearly through there, but not at all clearly a couple of inches across. Should I be worried about this?!! Hmmm... Anyway, it's so nice. I have already been able to feel this little one's leg and bottom on a couple of occasions. It turns my heart to mush when the limb moves against my fingers because it's soooo clear, and I feel so close to my tiny boy!

He still has no name! But I wonder if that's how it will stay till the birth, or shortly before? It's starting to feel that way now, and I'm fine with it. Except that Neil keeps suggesting names, and I really feel like I have no others to consider except for Benjamin and Noah. He still doesn't think the same way. He has suggested the name Jesse twice this week! It was on my shortlist during my first pregnancy, but Neil vetoed it so strongly that I didn't bother thinking of it for the next two pregnancies. Now he's actually suggesting it, I'm not sure about it any more! I'm not sure it goes well enough with our other children's names anyway. But he's still talking about it, so we'll see.

The other thing I'm a bit nervous about is that we'll wait till after the baby is born, and then we NEED to name him! And so we'll agree on a name, start to use it, and THEN Neil will say, "Oh actually, I'm not so sure now...." which he does a lot during the name-choosing stage in pregnancy usually. It's fine to do that during pregnancy because we've got time to settle on it before the baby is born, but doing that after he's here and we're calling him by it and bonding with him with that name... It would bug me EXTREMELY to have Neil question or want to change that name once I've been staring into my newborn's eyes over that first sleepless night after birth and whispering his name to him, totally bonding with him, name and all! I'm a bit nervous that it will happen that way, so to prevent it, it would be good if we could definitely name him before he's born. But I don't know about this baby, whether he is one who actually needs to be SEEN to be named! Anyway, right now I am not concerned about the no-name thing :)

Matthew felt him kick a couple of day ago! The baby had hiccups and I told Arthur about it. Arthur came running (as usual!) and lay his face on my bump, waiting. He felt a little hiccup and rushed off again in excitement, too much energy at that time to hang about waiting for more! Matthew came over for his turn, which he hasn't done before, and copied Arthur, carefully laying his sweet little cheek down on my bare tummy and waiting. He got a gentle kick to his cheek straight away! It was gentle, so I wasn't sure if he'd have felt it properly or realised it was the baby kicking. I asked him if he felt it, and he lifted his head and said yes. He lay his cheek back down and got another little kick there. This time he lifted his head and STARED at my tummy really hard from a few inches away! I couldn't interpret his expression, because I haven't really seen it before. I asked him if he felt another kick, and he said no, but I know he did because of the way he stopped and looked at my tummy like that. Maybe he registered at last that there really IS a baby in there and he's not as keen on the idea as we'd hoped? I hope that's not the reason! But it might be, I guess. We'll have to see how it goes for him over the next few months. He SEEMS happy and settled about things, so far, but he hasn't paid much attention to the idea yet.

I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, which is nice! I am really tired out in the evenings and have had a couple of earlier nights this week as a result. I'm usually up way too late, so it is good to get to bed earlier for a change! Nathan still wakes CRAZILY at night so I'm exhausted from that, although pretty accustomed to it by now I should think. His longest stretch is 3 hours ish, but after 1am or so, he is waking 1-2 hourly, or sometimes more frequently than every hour, I kid you not. It's starting to drive me nuts. Every time I get to the end of my tether about it, he suddenly improves a little and so I don't do much about it. I really MUST! But I don't really know what exactly.

We are about to buy bunk beds for the two older boys. They're a little young for bunk beds, but we're getting a lowish set that's really sturdy, and will not necessarily use the top bunk for a while yet. We'll see. They can be used as two singles if need be, though I'm not sure where we'll put them if that's how it pans out! All 3 boys will share the little bedroom. I've started to think this out a bit recently. Nathan is 14 months old tomorrow! I'm not sure how that has happened, but anyway! The baby is due just before he turns 18 months old, so less than 4 months from now (yikes!). So, ideally I would like him to be installed in the bedroom with the boys around 16 months old.

This has made me realise two things. One, I only have two months in which to sleep train him (he can't continue the wakings in there - even if he miraculously doesn't disturb the others each time, I do NOT want to trudge to another room 5+ times a night to settle him!) and get him moved in. So, I really must start whatever gruesome method of sleep training we go with NOW-ish. I don't want to do anything cry-it-outey, but he cries unless I pat/nurse him, and weaning him gradually off the breast at night has meant he's increased his demand for being patted (endlessly, like 20 minutes at a time or more, aaargh!) to settle him. Otherwise, he SCREAMS and sobs, and does not stop for a good 40 minutes. No fun several times a night when all is still and quiet and I'm totally wiped out! So I don't know what to do, but I have to do something in the next 2 months. Which isn't as long as it seems!

Okay, two - at 16 months, he isn't going to be old enough to transfer him directly into Matthew's toddler bed. I had planned on doing that, but he's going to be too little. I think Matthew was 20 months old when we turned his cotbed into a toddler bed, and he did fine, though he fell out all the time. Nathan seems sooooo little, even though he'll only be a few months younger. Twenty months seems way more ready for something like that than 16 months. So now we're thinking we must get the sides and ends down from the loft that make Matthew's toddler bed back into the cotbed, and put Nathan in that. BUT, it's Matthew's bed. He's never slept anywhere else from birth, and he loves his beddy. I am hoping he'll move happily into the new bunk bed, but if he doesn't we were hoping to allow him to just have longer in the toddler bed or something. Oh for more space!!! We need to move house really, but we CAN manage here if we have to, it's just a case of juggling things a bit!

Anyway. The new baby is meant to go in Nathan's cot, but will Nathey feel attached to it and not want to be anywhere different? Also, Matthew chewed enormous chunks of wood out of his cot ends (not the protected side bars!), and it's damaged enough so that we can't just put another child in it without fixing it first or something. I'm not sure how to go about that, because it's fiddly and there are lots of raw splinters. Also whatever we fix it with needs to be safe for another toddler to potentially chomp on, and I am not sure about finding something child-friendly to fill and seal the holes with! So, we had planned never to use it as a cotbed again, just a toddler bed (which is one of the reasons we bought a new cot for Nathan). Hmmm. I have to figure it out and implement it all, and sleep train that baby boy, in the next 8 weeks! Somehow.

What else can I say? Oh! There are only 7 days till I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and thus Tiny Boy will be viable!!! Yay! I always breathe a big sigh of relief at the 24 week milestone, although I know it would be BAD BAD news if he DID come at that time. At least then they would try to save his life instead of saying, "Oh, I'm so sorry..." if it happened a few days before that time! It makes me shudder to think about that. I seem to be more nervous this time about randomly breaking waters, than I ever was in my previous pregnancies. I'm sure that's due to my experience last pregnancy with my waters breaking for no apparent reason 5 weeks early. No sign of labour or anything, just - pop! Not even pop. Just wet bed at 6am really. I'm so nervous because surely if it could happen then, it could theoretically happen at ANY time with any other pregnancy? I get anxious now that he's kicking me WAY more strongly these last few days. With a ton of hefty kicks, and even one that hurt today for the first time, I keep thinking he's surely going to kick my bag of waters apart! I know that's not how nature works and that bag is built to withstand such stresses without any problem. But then it still nags in my mind that my tough built-to-withstand-stresses bag of waters broke last time long before it was meant to - something must have caused it! So I can't sit too easily about it this time, especially right now, JUST before the baby is able to survive if it happened. I know it's highly unlikely and I'll most likely be doing my nut at 41 weeks in a heatwave AGAIN like when I was waiting for Matthew! ;) But yeah.

Aaaargh, I've just realised I haven't made my antenatal appointment with my GP for 24 weeks! I must do that tomorrow! I have to see the GP for the 24 week appt, but I'm glad about it. I like seeing my midwife team, but I LOVE my GP and like that she's involved a little, so I'm looking forward to seeing her.

I had my VERY FIRST classic "large family" line from a Parcel Force delivery man the other day! I opened the door to receive a package from him (new (well, second-hand at eBay!) curtains and duvet covers for the boys' room with CARS on - they're so excited about them!), and as I signed for the package, the porch door opened and all three of my sweet little ones came walking/toddling into the porch in a little bunch, with curious expressions, wanting to see who was at the door. The delivery man said, "Are they all yours?!" and I felt so happy to hear that one, because it's a classic and I haven't qualified to hear it yet, apparently, hehe! I LOVE that I have enough little lovelies for someone to ask me if they're ALL mine! :D I said, "Yes, they're all mine!" and he said, "And another on the way as well?!" and I answered, "Yes, another one's coming." and smiled, because I couldn't help myself. He looked at the boys and said, "Your mum's a glutton for punishment, isn't she?!" *sigh* Thankfully I don't think they understand that term yet. But I am determined to always come across positive about having lots of little ones, especially in front of the childen, but in any case because I want people to know that it ISN'T a "cross to bear" (can you believe that one?!) or a punishment of some sort! Children are a blessing from God, a REWARD, says the Bible! And I heartily agree with that, more and more since I realised I needed to let God be in control of this area. So, I feel more positive, and I want to pass that on to (apparently) the entire world who think the opposite! Tsk! So, I just smiled and said, "They certainly keep me busy, but I love it!" And he smiled and asked Matthew if he was a good boy. Matthew said, "Um, yes!" and he said that was alright then, and went back to his delivery van with a wave and smile :)

I am having a lot more pubic bone pain this last week, and it's bothersome to some degree most of the time. At night time too, but not so bad. It hurts when I walk, and especially when I scissor my legs to go over kiddie safety gates! Today, Jemma and Jove came to visit for a good part of the day, and we all had a lovely time together! Jemma and I were pregnant together with Jaya and Arthur, but we didn't know each other then, till after Jaya was born (3 months before Arthur). And we were pregnant again together with Jove and Matthew, who are 3 months apart too. I think the last time we really visited with them properly was when Jove was on the way (Matthew not quite yet!), so it's been ages! It was so nice. Except (in huge contrast to the previous paragraph, haha!), as they left, I was holding Nathan on my hip (he was super clingy and cried most of the time, I think because he wasn't used to the two visitors in our home or something like that!) and Matthew and Arthur went out of the front door after I asked them to stay inside to watch Jemma and Jove off. Arthur at least stopped on the driveway when I called him to, but Matthew took off INTO THE ROAD giggling. Ugggggggghhhh! We live in a quiet cul-de-sac where cars don't often drive, but still. I was walking out after him with Nathan on my hip until I saw that he was about to make a run for it and probably not turn back, at which point I just had to RUN after him, across the road. He ran even with me running after him, and I caught up with him after a short while and walk him back to the house after a stern word. We watched Jemma and Jove go, but he had some DRAWN OUT discipline after that! ;) I need to do "something" about this! It's not safe that he does it and won't obey me! But I seem to be clueless about pretty much everything lately :(

Anyway, it did NOT feel sensible to be trying to sprint (not that I got too near to actually sprinting in my condition, haha!) with a baby bump AND a toddler sitting on it, bumping away like crazy because I was jogging along without supporting him too well! I think he ended up under my arm by the time I got to Matthew, or something. On the walk back to the house, the baby in my tummy had woken up all of a sudden and was kicking me in the most agitated way. It made me feel uneasy. My whole body felt like that had NOT been a good thing to do, and I'm having a lot more pubic bone pain since then. It's been really sore getting up from lying on my side to settle little ones into bed for the night.

Also this evening I lost my temper with Arthur (long story, feeling too bad about it to enlarge upon it, urgh) and yelled at him and just felt so BRISTLY with anger and irritation and yeurghsomeness. Nathan had a bad fall from the windowsill after climbing up there while I was disciplining Arthur for being horribly rude to me (at a LOSS tonight with those boys, honestly), and has bruised up his eye and the side of his head :( I felt so bad! I lost my temper with Arthur around the same time, and did way too much shouting and feeling angry. And after that the baby was kicking and punching about so hard, and wouldn't stop for a long time. Quite out of character really. Neil got home from work later than usual tonight, and when he did, the boys were nearly finished eating dinner. I asked for a time-out upstairs while he finished dinner, and just went and lay down. I read the Bible (the bit about the fruits of the Spirit, ugggghhh, I so need self-control. And gentleness. And patience! And peace. And kindness. Well, all of them really!) and prayed for a long while about those things in me (or the lack thereof lately). I tried to rest and calm down, but the whole time, the baby was WALLOPING my insides. He seemed to be kick-boxing my tummy low down, and stamping on my bladder and cervix for good measure. He seemed as angry and agitated as I felt, and I just felt so AWFUL about that, because - poor little tiny! He's only half-finished inside my tummy and yet he has already endured the DUMPAGE of my unnecessary emotions, and the physical side-effects of that. I got worried about how agitated he seemed after a while, because he just wasn't stopping or calming down. I feel like that was bad for him, and I caused it.

He calmed down a lot when I brought Nathan up and nursed him in my bed at bedtime - Neil was wonderous and got the boys ready for bed while I tried to calm down upstairs. I didn't feel angry any more upstairs, just upset and "rattled". I just wanted to cry and cry before Neil got home, with the situation as it was, but that isn't going to help the kids or me at that time, so I didn't!

Baby boy has stayed really kicky this evening, but much calmer and not so constant. His kicks are so much stronger than they even were a few days ago! I'm surprised by it! I think he must be breech at the moment, given the stomps on my cervix this evening! ;)

Well, I've written for EVER and now it's time I went to bed. I feel so tired out and I really want a GALLON of water to drink. I'm peeing more these days, and not making it quite through the night without having to go to the loo, so I guess there's more pressure from the beany one! I am also a lot more achy and heavy feeling in my pelvis and the front of my bump low down, which is uncomfy a lot but I should adjust soon (I hope!). Also I have had some evening nausea for a few nights lately, and sometimes queasiness in the day, but it seems different to morning sickness. It seems like my bump has risen quite quickly, and once it's above the tummy button, any quick rises lead to a "re-shuffle" inside and some pressure on my stomach that I'm not accustomed to. So I presume that's why the nausea. It should clear up soon. I had a bad headache yesterday but thankfully it was a one-day thing, and not longer! It laughed in the face of painkillers, so I was glad it had gone by this morning!

Okay, back another time - 24 weeks probably! Yay! Belly picture will be due again and I should have an antenatal appt to write about too :)