PPAF!! Already!!

Just a quick follow-up (more for my own records - sorry if this is boring!) from my post last night, where I was wondering if I might have my period (already! How crazy!!). I definitely do! It's really light, but a period, without a doubt. Today I have been reminded of that hot achy ball in the pit of my stomach that I haven't experienced in a while. It has been okay, but I am crampy and definitely have more than spotting, though it's very light. Other things are starting to make sense now that I look back - other than the EWCM (which I've charted as best I can remember it - yay, charting!! :) ) - like the weirdly queasy tiredness I had since Friday, and the irritability (though not that bad for my usual PMS!) which I put down to tiredness. My milk supply is holding up well (it's common for it to take a hit when you're breastfeeding and ovulating, or breastfeeding and having a period), though I think it's down a little on the norm because Benjamin woke at 9.50pm and had a big feed, when he normally goes till about midnight. I know he could be starting another growth spurt or something, but it's a bit too much of a coincidence, so I think it's having my period that is affecting the milk supply a tiny bit. Thankfully my milk is plentiful so I am not noticing too much trouble.

I am not sure what to think about my period returning less than 3 months postpartum!! Nor is Neil! I keep thinking, "What is my body DOING?!" and then remembering that it's GOD who controls the timings of everything that occurs within my body. So then asking, "What does God think He's DOING?!" doesn't sound too good to say! ;) I do get my periods back every time while still exclusively breastfeeding day and night on demand, before solids are introduced, etc, but this is so markedly earlier than the other three times, so I'm really surprised.

I have gone back to Fertility Friend to chart again, because I want to keep an eye on my cycles, and also I am sure I will have really short luteal phases for a while again, so I want to see how those go. I don't think I will temp - it seems crazy early to be whipping out a thermometer every morning! I JUST HAD A BABY!! This is so surreal! But I will definitely chart CM if it's of note, and mayyybe temp during EWCM so that I can see if there's evidence of ovulation or not after it. I am not sure if I should expect a long gap before another period, or if I'll get right back to cycling as usual. Usually when my periods first return, the cycles are long and ovulation occurs late (then the luteal phase between ovulation and my period arriving is only days long). We'll see how it goes this time. I'm not really sure what to expect now! :)

When I went back to FF to start a new chart, I saw the last one I charted (when Benjamin was conceived) and noticed that the last period I had started on September 24th last year! So close to being only a year between the last one and the return of them!! It seems such a crazy short gap to me, and I admit I was hoping for a bit longer without cramps and hormones every month! ;) Exactly a week from today, Benjamin will have been conceived exactly a year ago. It boggles my brain to think that it has been a whole year already since he has existed! It is all going by sooooo fast.

Melanie, you asked if I'm having any twinges for another baby soon! :) I have to say it was not on my radar at ALL at this stage, to be thinking of such things! ;) But I admit I miss being pregnant and having a teensy little flopsy newborn who snuffles and roots like a baby bird at the slightest touch to his little cheek. Awwwwww, my insides turn to mush at the very thought! :) I have already been praying (as last time, after Nathan!) that God will open my womb again and bless us with more babies yet. I adore having little ones and really hope our family is not complete yet! With my periods returning so much sooner than I expected, I admit I am suddenly a little scared that it could possibly be sooner than I feel equipped to handle! But Neil and I are going to pray about it. God knows way better than we do what is best for us and for our family. He knows which little persons he has already planned, and for when. My periods returning this early might still mean nothing as far as fertility goes. God could have us wait even longer than our previous age gaps, ironically! ;) But I know if we pray about it, then either He will hear our prayers and not open my womb until we are able to manage another pregnancy/baby, OR He will equip us and our children to handle it sooner than we think we can! God is good. All the time. I trust Him completely over this. I hope soooo much that He still plans to bless us with more children!

Arthur seems eager for more siblings (as always!). He asked with with a great gasp of excitement if I had another baby in my tummy a few weeks ago, at lunch! I was standing up handing out yoghurts while they sat at the table, and he was looking at my tummy. I explained that my tummy still hadn't finished going DOWN from having Benjamin, and his shoulders dropped with disappointment! He just looked down at the table, and all he said was, "Oh." He tells me now and then that he hopes God will give us more babies, and last week told me that he thinks we should get a double decker bus to hold all the babies God blesses us with, when we change our vehicle next, hahaha! We are considering changing our car (AGAIN!!! It's getting silly, lol!). If we have more children, even one, we'll be way more comfortable in something bigger. Right now we have a Citroen C8 which seats 7. I think you can buy a bench with 3 seats on it to replace the back two captain's chairs though. There is not enough space in the boot to store our tandem pushchair and extras (one captain's chair has to stay folded down to fit it) and currently when we go out as a family, I drive, the three boys are across the middle row behind me, Benjamin is in the infant car seat in the front passenger seat (with the airbag deactivated), and Neil sits in the captain's chair in the very back. We discovered that anyone sitting in the back row has to clamber in over the pushchair in the boot to get into it, and then I have to shut the boot door on them! I don't like that, for my little ones. If I needed to get them out in an emergency that just doesn't feel safe enough for me. I had hoped the sliding side doors would open far back enough for people to climb into the back row through the side doors, but no. So, strangely enough, we feel as though we have already outgrown it! Anyway, the next thing up from a minivan is (gulp!) a minibus!! A 9- or 12-seater vehicle, yikes! We don't think 9 will suffice because it's still just the two rows of 3 behind the driver, although that back row might be easier to access from the side, in a minibus.

We ARE interested in 12-seater vehicles because we would essentially take the back row out semi-permanently and have a HUGE storage space for pushchairs and bikes and so on, whilst also having six individual seats for children which will each be big enough to hold a child's car seat. If we end up super-duperly blessed by God (!!) then we can always reinstate the back row, so we shouldn't outgrow it so fast as we've managed to outgrow the other cars we've bought! :) It's an exciting thought, having to buy a vehicle that big because God has blessed us with enough children to need one! I LOVE that! Praise God! :) We don't NEED one just yet, but we'd certainly be more comfortable in one even now, even if we end up not having any more little ones.

Neil is surprisingly open to allowing God to bless us with more children at the moment! I have been praying and praying about this over the months, and I am overjoyed to see encouraging answers to prayer! :) He would like us to move house (obviously, we will need to!) and also to be financially more settled, ideally, but he seems open to endless possibilities if those things are set. I pray that God will help us move to just the right place to raise the number of children He has in mind for us, and also that He will answer Neil's prayers for financial stability, not because we NEED it to "manage" the blessing of lots of children (the only thing we NEED to rely upon is God, whatever our circumstances and family size), but because it's important to Neil. It isn't important to me. It would be GOOD, but it isn't necessary if we are trusting God. I totally understand why it means a lot to Neil though. Men are providers for their families - it is how they are wired! :)

Sooo I am definitely eager to have more babies if God sees fit to bless us that way! :) I'd be anxious (and need to pray about that a lot!) if we were to conceive very quickly, but I am not expecting that to happen. No PP parsnips as yet, so no likelihood for a while yet anyways! ;)

I will update here whenever there's anything relevant to write (or I feel like rambling, haha!). I can't BELIEVE I'm back here only 7 weeks after closing it, hehehe! Craaaazy.

Nearly 3 months postpartum!

Well, I know I JUST closed this diary like 6 weeks ago or something! ;) And then over the last maybe couple of weeks I have been having some "cycle-ish" signs that I don't think I'm used to having this early. I have had a lot of EWCM on and off, and have also felt a bit crampy on and off too, but then I DID read after I had Arthur that it's common for breastfeeding mothers to have EWCM here and there due to high oestrogen levels (despite not having that experience myself. I think!).

Anyway so I had some a few days ago for a few days running, and also about a week before that for a few days running. Not just maaayyybe EWCM, but definitely EWCM. And then today I noticed some more. When I went to the toilet after Neil got home from work tonight (pretty much my best opportunity to pee all day long, haha!), I noticed brown spotting which REALLY caught my attention since it's so early after having Benjamin and I have never had any spotting or much (if any) EWCM before about 5 months postpartum before. So I put a pantliner on and did the bedtime routine with the boys, and then was desperate to check my pad - it has just been playing on my mind, because I'm thinking, "Surely not?! Periods returning less than THREE months postpartum when I'm exclusively breastfeeding?!" especially with my pretty predictable history of starting my period at 5 or 6 months postpartum all the other times, with ovulation occuring first (EWCM being one of the signs).

So, I finished putting the boys to bed and kept wondering if I felt a bit crampy, and I checked my pad, and lo and behold - pink/red! Not very much, but I do wonder if I might have started my periods again already?! Which is surely CRAAAAAZY!! Benjamin is a big boy and feeds hungrily. My milk supply is plentiful and I leak like crazy. He is the first baby since Arthur not to use a pacifier/dummy at all. He feeds on demand around the clock and nurses several times during the night. He's not even 3 months old yet!!! What in the wide world is my body thinking?!?!?! I am crampier than I was 20 minutes ago, so I am guessing it's the real thing. I'm not disappointed - it's actually quite exciting to see signs of re-appearing fertility again, but I admit it has caught me a little (read: TOTALLY) off-guard! I am never fertile enough to conceive for a good 4 cycles usually, as my luteal phase is too short (quite aside from the non-return of postpartum parsnips as yet! ;) ) - well maybe I shouldn't say NEVER any more??! I *tend not to be* fertile enough to conceive until my luteal phase gradually lengthens. I intended to chart the EWCM but never found time to do it - how I wish I had done so now!!! Tsk! So I have no idea what kind of a luteal phase I've just had (if any, and if this is indeed a period). Maybe it's just breakthrough bleeding like sometimes happens when breastfeeding, early on? Except that's typical at around 6 weeks postpartum, not 13... Hmmm.

Anyway, this was the obvious place to come to express these kind of rather personal ramblings! I feel a bit stunned and surprised really! I guess I should go and see if I have any sort of sanitary protection and try to find my hot water bottle?!?! This is rather surreal - so much sooner than I expected it.

Benjamin is waking so I have to dash. All is well with the boy though! He's delicious! :)