32 weeks, 6 days!

Really and honestly a SHORTER entry tonight! ;)

I just saw that I had not updated here since just before 30 weeks, so even though I was about to shut down the laptop and go to bed, I wanted to QUICKLY update (we'll see, hehe!) just so this poor blog isn't being so neglected! I'll try to be brief and pad out the details in a later entry.

Sooo I will be 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Where is the time going?! Only 7 weeks to go until my due date - amazing! I absolutely CAN'T WAIT to meet Samuel now! Except that I am so so so enjoying carrying him inside me, so I am in no way wishing pregnancy away, and I hope I never do, even when it gets really uncomfy at the end and all the hormones kick in. I. Love. Being pregnant. Totally love it. It's such an amazing blessing. Can't believe I have nearly been through an entire pregnancy five times now! It really doesn't feel possible!

It's less than three weeks to the time in Nathan's pregnancy where my waters broke and he was born. My tiny little manny is getting not-so-tiny-any-more! He now weighs about 4.5lbs already, and is only a couple of inches short of normal newborn baby length!

I was so happy with my weight gain (yes, I started weighing myself at last, haha!) - at 29 weeks I had gained only 17lbs which is WAY less than any of my previous pregnancies (usually at this kind of stage I gave gained about a lb per week of pregnancy). At 31 weeks I had gained another 2lbs, putting my total gain at about 19lbs. I was really mainly weighing myself so soon after the previous time because I was so agog at the scales - still only 11 stone 5lbs! I think I was up to 13 stone last time - yikes!

This past week I have been feeling like there has been (yet another - there have been lots recently!) a major growth spurt going on for Samuel. Sure enough yesterday and the day before I felt horrible and sluggish and yucky, as I am becoming very familiar with over the years when my little ones have major growth spurts. I had no appetite and just felt exhausted and lethargic all the time. I slept like a log for hours any time I got chance, which believe me is a WONDERFUL improvement on the previous FOUR weeks, urgh! I have really struggled with insomnia this pregnancy, way more than the previous times, and pretty much only got one "good" night of sleep a week for a few weeks running (a good night is about 6 broken hours. It's wonderful in comparison with the 1-2 broken hours I was getting outside of that! I have no idea how I was functioning!).

Then today my appetite seemed better and I didn't feel gross and like a slug. At the same time I am just huffing and puffing around the house in an almost ridiculous manner. I just feel so huge, but I know it's not that I'm necessarily that HUGE, just that I have really grown in just a couple of days, so there's a certain adjustment to be made! I just can't stand being in the kitchen these days, because there's very little space in there to move about around our big family table in a small kitchen. It's cluttered and the floor is the laundry-sorting zone, and ugh. I can't get down to the floor (or up again if I should dare to try!), and I have to move chairs out of the way to get around the table to the sink! It drives me crazy and I just feel so HUGE and cumbersome. I'm also opening the fridge door against my bump and various similar silly things because I'm not used to how far it sticks out! Little manny has really grown suddenly.

Tonight I was feeling so heavy and large that I got to wondering if I had put on some more weight. My jeans are feeling tighter too. I was kind of taken aback to discover I now weigh exactly 12 stone - that's a gain of 9lbs since I weighed myself 9 days ago!!!!! Yikers. That explains a lot, and it should NOT be a big deal, but I am kind of bummed, just a little bit. Mainly because I wasn't expecting to put so much on so fast! And I was pretty glad to be gaining less this pregnancy. I think that puts my total gain now at 29lbs - getting close to the "one lb per week of pregnancy" thing again after all.

I am having a lot of pelvic and lower back pain if I move at all. It's worst when I move from being still for any length of time, but especially from lying on my side like at night or reclining in the evening. I have had quite a lot of pelvic/back pain this pregnancy but not in a way to make me feel like I'm having a hard time with it. It is there a lot, but sometimes it is worse than other times. Right now I guess my pelvis and back are under more strain suddenly with the fast weight gain? I don't know. Anyway, it's very painful to get up from lying down - mostly on my left side of my pelvis at the back. Samuel is mostly head down now at last (yay!) but I notice he does prefer to be oblique with his head in my left hip. I feel his head blipping against that hip (right IN it sometimes!) when he has hiccups. Sometimes I feel his head central in my pelvis when he is hiccuping but more often than not he is slightly oblique. Perhaps that's why that side of my pelvis is complaining so much?

The last two days I have also had some awful ligament pains just lying in bed. The searing type that are hard to breathe through. I usually would only get those twisting funny as I get up or something (which I am careful not to do!), but I was just lying in bed! I changed position but nothing made it go away, even hoisting my bump onto a little wedge-shaped pillow. Usually if I take the strain of my ligaments by supporting my bump or changing position, the searing pain fades off, but my guess is that it was something to do with a bigger-than-the-day-before baby in a slightly awkward position in there putting the strain on things. I had to get up and lean right forwards with my bump sort of "hanging" down in the end to get the pain to ease off, and then when I lay back down again it was okay. Weird! A few weeks ago that happened one time and when I felt my tummy, Samuel was transverse - head in my side and bottom in the other, which is where the pain was! Not this time though. I can't fathom how uncomfortable it must be to have a full-term baby in transverse position!

Admittedly I am snacking more during the evening these days! :S And I really am getting a sweet tooth again now too. Loving chocolate and mint imperials at the moment, but TRYING not to eat too much of the stuff! My appetite is pretty normal otherwise, and I'm eating normal sized portions of meals, not crazy pregnant lady sized portions like I have done with some of my other pregnancies! ;) Maybe that's still to come though? No cravings to report for a while now, but I'm enjoying food in general (unless I'm post-growth-spurt, in which case I don't want a THING to eat).

Samuel feels so much bigger in there lately! Even before the growth spurt he did. Now if I feel my tummy to check his position and find his head low and central, it feels SO WIDE compared to a few weeks ago! It seems to fill my pelvis much more. I don't think he's any lower though. He is usually high and free out of my pelvis still, or oblique. His movements are nearly all squirms and wiggles now, and I can really tell he has almost run out of space in there. No more big thumps or kicks, though he does try on occasion - when he does, it HURTS! There is not much room to give me a big kick, and he's much stronger than he used to be. It takes my breath away when he kicks me, but it's not very often now. I feel his fingers fidgetting and "pinging" at my insides sometimes. I love that feeling, because I like to be able to identify his little fingers just from the way it feels. I can't wait to kiss and stroke those tiny little fingies in a couple of months! It seems so surreal - I can hardly believe it's going to happen even! His feet are much bigger than they were a few weeks ago. Sometimes when he pushes one out high up near my ribs, I can almost take hold of it, and they are much more than an inch long now. A few days ago he was head down for a day or two, with his back along the right side of my bump. I am SURE he had one leg curled under him (which he could kick my ribs with - I can't believe my womb comes up so high now! I still have a hard time believing I am THIS far along already, so it's very surreal sometimes!), and the other leg splinted up his body. He would push both legs at the same time and one would poke my ribs upwards while the other pushed hard out of my side near my hip, low down. That low down foot was VERY uncomfortable when he pushed it out! I could feel with my hands that they were both feet though, so I'm sure that was his position.

I have my next midwife appointment at 34 weeks on November 1st. I MUST remember to ask for my maternity NHS exemption card and the grant thingy that I'm eligible for from 25 weeks (£190). We REALLY need any little bit of money we can find, and my last exemption card ran out in July when Benjamin turned one. I admit they didn't question my status when I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago though, even without my card! ;) Free dental care for me, due to looking like the side of a house, haha! ;)

On November 4th I have my scan to check my placenta, and the consultant appointment after it. I wish Heather could go with me, but she can't this time. I will be going on my own so that Neil can watch the boys. I am noticing (over the past couple of weeks) that I am getting kind of anxious about the birth - specifically over the possibility of bleeding afterwards. Neil said last week that it must be getting time for me to write my birth plan, and I just did NOT want to think about it at all - that made me stop and think why not, because it was odd of me to feel that strongly when he mentioned it. I discovered I have been squashing down all sorts of anxious thoughts about it. Hmmm. I have random thoughts when doing things like ordering Christmas presents for the boys sometimes too - like, "I hope I'm still here to see him open this..." I know it sounds CRAZY but somewhere along the line I have got myself pretty scared of bleeding to DEATH when the placenta is delivered. Urgh. I think that's probably silly because I don't think it's likely that I would DIE from it if I did haemmorhage? I will ask the consultant to put my mind at rest! It would still be an emergency situation, obviously, but I don't think a fatal one if action was being taken, even in a homebirth situation (as the consultant told me last time). So I should get that kind of thought out of my head! I didn't even realise it was there until I stopped to question... so subtle and scary. I still feel very anxious about the birth - not the BIRTH itself, but my anxiety about the 3rd stage is high enough that I think it would begin to hinder me labouring and birthing effectively as the 2nd stage approached. Hmmm.

Once I had realised all this, I asked Neil to pray with me and he did. And as we prayed, God showed me that I have nothing to fear. Not because it'll all be fine and dandy, but because He loves me, and I am in His hands, and I can trust Him no matter what happens. Because His plan is perfect and good, and He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He is the Creator of the universe and there I was worrying about my placenta! Suddenly it seems so silly! ;) He also reminded me that He cares about the details, and He is more than able to handle it. So I felt MUCH better after that, but a week later the anxiety is creeping back.

I also decided that I would like to book a homebirth. The setting really doesn't matter to me, because the risk is no lower at home than at hospital, I live literally 5 minutes from a major hospital, and my anxiety over bleeding will honestly be just as high in hospital as at home. If all goes well and I DON'T bleed or need a manual removal of that extra lobe, I will be so so so so glad to be at home. There is a lot of stress and inconvenience for me with having a hospital birth, aside from the placenta issue this time around, so that has to be considered as well. If the scan and consultant appointment goes fine and he is still happy for me to give birth at home, I'll plan to do that. If he has reason to say I should not be at home, then I'll take that into proper consideration (and probably have a hospital birth). I decided I'll have a "managed" 3rd stage though, wherever I am. I didn't want to before, but I think it's probably for the best and it will lower my risk (at home or in hospital). I'm obviously praying that I will have NO excessive bleeding of any sort, and that my placenta just plops out intact, lobe and all, and that's it and all about it! But I am also praying that I might labour and give birth after the boys are in bed for the night this time, so that I can be downstairs in the living room. It's more open and less claustrophobic than the tiny bedroom I've recently moved into (I was in the bigger one for Benjamin's birth and even that wasn't too roomy when full of midwives!), and it's also right at the front door if I needed to transfer to hospital for any reason. The boys also would not have to see anything "difficult" if anything did go wrong.

Oh I so hope it doesn't! It really really makes no difference where I am, I just so want it all to go okay. The bleeding issue that everyone keeps on at me about is making me so anxious! :( The majority of these placentas do just pop out in one piece without any complications, but I know I have to be prepared for it not to as well. Please pray for me that it will be okay, and that I won't be scared, because I really sort of am.

My sweet little Samuel is awake suddenly and sweeping a tiny foot gently back and forth at the top of my bump. Okay less gently now, lol! I think because I am leaning forward over my bump to type this and he doesn't really like it when I squash my bump in any way now. I wonder how big he'll be when he's born?! I'm guessing over 8lbs for sure if he goes to my due date - well, mayyyybe not - Matthew was a week late and still only 7lbs 11oz... But I think it's more likely he'll weigh over 8lbs. I would love it if Benjamin remained the record holder though! ;) 8lbs 11oz is heavy enough for my little frame, even if it IS bigger than it used to be!

Okay I must go to bed. I'll update again soon! There's sure to be stuff I haven't said but I am purposely cutting this short so I can get some sleep now! Thanks for the comments on my last entry! :) Oh! I do have a 30 week belly picture which I haven't put on the computer yet (I'll get to it soon!), but I just realised I didn't get a 32 week one and I'm 33 weeks tomorrow! Poo! Oh well, maybe I'll get a 33 week one instead, and another at 34 weeks? I'll update with pics soon!