6 (nearly 7!) weeks old

Another fly-by post, hoping I can type at least something before Elijah wakes and I have to go, and won't have chance again today (or even tomorrow, who knows?!).

Elijah will be 7 weeks old the day after tomorrow. It's going fast, but it's kind of hard-going, and I have to take each day at a time. I am (honestly) doing so cheerfully, and it is working out okay, but I am getting tired now, and starting to feel a bit wistful for things to settle down and to be able to get the focus back on my other children and the house (and homeschooling!) that I had before he was born. I understand why I can't, and I'm doing the best I can, and I'm okay with it all. I am not stressing out about it. Just making note here that I'm lately feeling a bit drained and looking forward to more settled days ahead, whenever that happens (I'm not sure when to expect change yet. Perhaps not for a while?).

Elijah has been on his medication for reflux for 2 weeks tomorrow, and it has also been almost two weeks since I cut out dairy. I didn't go crazy reading labels for ingredients that come from milk at first, but decided to after reading other people's stories of how their babies responded to even tiny amounts in foods, etc. So I think I can say I have been completely dairy-free for maybe 10 days? I am not sure. Maybe a few days less. Anyway. I miss milk and cheese, and it's proving really hard to find a variety of foods that I can eat which are nutritious enough AND accessible enough, AND quick enough to cook, AND easy enough to cook, for me to be able to actually consider them. Not proving easy at all. But oh well! It's worth it if it helps my little one.

He is starting to be more calm these last few days. He is having longer periods of calm alertness, and since maybe the day before yesterday he has surprised me by sitting in the bouncy chair for maybe 5 or 10 minutes in a row without crying! That is AMAZING for Elijah, believe me. He otherwise cries all the time. ALL of it. Or sleeps, or feeds. Otherwise he is crying. Lately not quite so much! :) He is cooing and smiling at us a lot, and even at the boys a bit today and yesterday. He had his third osteopath appointment this morning and smiled and cooed and generally flirted with the osteopath, which was sweet - and a big eye-opener for her to see how much he has changed since the first appt (screaming and rigid and distressed for 2 hours).

Aaaargh my laptop battery is about to die and I left the power cable next to the bed where Elijah is sleeping! It's late so maybe it's not a good idea to try getting it in case I wake him and then start a whole cry cycle again before I get chance to go to bed.... I think I will post this now, unfinished as it is, and update again tomorrow with the rest, if I get chance! Back soon! :)

Well, I did post it, but it's now 20 mins before Elijah's midnight meds are due and I'm all ready for bed, sitting in a dark bedroom next to a sleeping baby, having drawn up his syringe-ful of yucky bitter stuff by the light of the laptop monitor (now plugged in!). He's still sleeping, so I think I will carry on updating the original post unless he stirs, or midnight arrives! ;)

Elijah had his 6-8 week check with the doctor on Wednesday. I was supposed to have my postnatal check the same day, but I wrote down 2.20pm (his appt was sent to me in the post for 2pm) for some reason, and when I turned up for both our appointments, they said it was 9.20am and I'd missed it! :S Whoops! Not sure what part of my brain wasn't there at the time of making the appointment, but oh well. The doctor was very nice about it (same one who had me in tears over being 5 mins late with Benjamin's 6-8 week check - perhaps she'd learned her lesson, not to make this particular mother upset postnatally, lol!) and I rebooked for next Friday at 10.30 with a different doctor (since that's all they could offer me), but I think I will end up cancelling that one because Elijah's next osteopath appt is sure to clash with it. I don't know when that is yet because the osteopath he sees was fully booked for Friday, but he NEEDS to be seen weekly, so he is on a waiting list for cancellations. If there isn't one, she said she would double book him with someone else just to be sure he gets a treatment :) The beautiful thing about this place is that it's FREE. They are a registered charity (The Osteopathic Centre for Children, in London) and encourage donations by families being treated there, so I donate sometimes after an appointment. We can't afford osteopathic treatment in any other setting, so I'm ever so thankful for the OCC! :) Anyway, who knows when I'll get my 6 week postnatal check! Probably sometime, eventually! I have no concerns about me anyway.

I have pelvic pain and back pain still, to varying degrees, depending on my activity level. I saw my physiotherapist at the hospital on Thursday last week, and was given a ton of very very very simple and careful exercises to do, which I am getting precisely NO time to do so far. I have to go back at the beginning of August, because there are some of the very very very simple and careful exercises that I am still unable to do without pain, so I have to wait on those and go back to see how I'm doing. I am so frustrated because for once I desperately feel the need to be getting fit and exercising properly, but the physio told me absolutely NO exercising whatsoever. Only gentle walks (an impossible activity with any of my children in tow, let alone all of them!) or the exercises prescribed. I have been doing a bit more walking lately, just getting from the car (parked a few mins away) to an appointment or something, which sounds laughably puny but is actually quite a bit of exercise for me, embarrassingly! :/ On Monday it was Benjamin's 3rd birthday (!!!) and we all went out to find a good place to run about (the boys, not me!) and jump in huge puddles, as that's what Benjamin wanted to do in the end on that rainy birthday! So I walked quite a bit further than my body said I ought to, and with Elijah on my front in the hug-a-bub. It was okay walking with him in there - he slept pretty quickly and stayed asleep until I put him in the car seat to go home - but my back did ache after 10 minutes or so. Oh well. Anyway, I hurt like crazy the next day in my feet and ankles and hips! Soooo unfit. *sigh* I so want to get stuck into toning up and increasing my stamina, and aerobic exercise for my heart and lungs, but I'm not allowed to yet. It's going to be a slow gradual process to just get my core muscles and ligaments accepting of basic exercises, which is really frustrating, but a worthwhile process I'm sure. I want to be in much better shape before my next pregnancy (which I hope will happen!) :)

Elijah's appointment with the doctor went quite well. He weighs 9lbs 5oz, which puts him at the 10th percentile for weight (9th on the charts they go by, 10th in the breastfed baby charts), which is the curve he's been on since birth. He did go up nearly to the 25th percentile last time he was weighed by the health visitor, so the doctor sees this weigh-in to show a "dip" in weight gain. *sigh* He is a tall boy! He was never measured at birth but I always felt he was longer than average because despite being really skinny and his clothes being baggy on him, he was always outgrowing the length of the footed sleepsuits, and the sleepsuits without feet were like shorts, halfway up his legs, hehe! Anyway he is 59cm long (23 inches) which puts him between the 75th and 91st percentiles (80th percentile on the breastfed baby charts). The doctor got kind of concerned about the difference between his height and weight percentiles, and suggested I topped him up with formula. I didn't expect that. She said she didn't really believe he has reflux and that he cries a lot and feeds a lot (2-3 hourly or more frequently, but very randomly around the clock because I feed him on demand) because he's a "hungry baby". And that's he a hungry baby because he needs "more" than my milk is giving him. *another sigh* That was a bit of a low moment, to be honest. A mummy doesn't feel good to hear things like that, even if it's cheerfully suggested and meant to be helpful or lighthearted, which it was, and I love my GP. But I do not want to supplement with formula, and don't believe it's the best or right thing for him. I am sure there is no reason why my milk can't be enough for him. I have a huge supply, as always. I am breastfeeding Benjamin maybe twice a day, Samuel whenver he wants it during the day (4+ times maybe?), and Elijah day and night pretty frequently, and still leaking loads between anyone's feeds when my milk randomly lets down. Everyone gets what they want when they feed and stop when they are full, and I can hand express more right afterwards. So it's not a supply thing. I don't think there is really anything wrong with his feeding pattern, nor that he's a "hungry baby". On the day of the appointment I really felt kind of knocked, confidence-wise, by the whole thing, and was second-guessing my gut instinct (which is to breastfeed, not supplement, and not introduce solids early (ie. before 6 months)). But I've had some good encouragement and support from friends online and people in the know, and feel much more confident that my gut instinct is right now.

I am perfectly happy to feed him all the time! I know he doesn't need to be feeding TOO frequently because that can aggravate reflux (in fact the whole feeding frequently thing IS a symptom of reflux, tsk!), so I need to talk to Heather about it as she's a breastfeeding counsellor. She is away on holiday until Sunday so I'll have to wait until then. Anyway, he is feeding well, and growing, so I am not worried. The GP prescribed him formula for babies who are allergic to cows milk protein, and more of his reflux meds, but I only collected the reflux meds.

Anyway, he is otherwise doing fine. His neck muscles are stronger than she expected, and he holds his head up well and can turn his head from side to side when lying on his tummy. He is starting to track objects with his eyes, and does lots of "conversing" now which is ever so sweet! I love hearing his voice! :)

I am still spotting from the birth. It's not that unusual for me to still have a trace of lochia at 6 weeks postpartum, but it should be disappearing soon, and I'll be glad! I don't much like that stage! I am suspicious that some sort of hormonal change is going on for me right now. On Wednesday (the day before yesterday), I felt tired and sensitive, and kind of moody. I thought nothing of it, since I'm at full stretch emotionally and physically all the time at the moment, and sleep deprived to boot! ;) I also noticed IBS that day, which I haven't had since I was pregnant. Again, thought nothing much of it. Then the next day, yesterday, I noticed I felt kind of hormonal and weepy and tired, in the same way as the day before. I think I only really took note of it because it was the second day running and I hadn't noticed any feelings like that since the initial few days after the birth with the hormones settling down. Neil and I argued that evening over something sooooo daft, and I put it down to tiredness for us both, but the next morning I thought about it and realised that I was being much more oversensitive and quick to lose my temper than is normal for me, even when just tired. Then yesterday, I went to the loo and what do you know?! EWCM! And not a small amount either. That's the first CM I've had since pregnancy. I generally do not have any after having a baby until my cycles are starting to gear up for coming back, or at least try to (even if they don't succeed at first, lol!). I had felt a bit crampy for the previous few days and it distracted me enough to make me wonder what it was about. When I started getting IBS on Wednesday I thought maybe that's all it had been, but I wasn't convinced because it didn't really feel like it. I haven't ruled out a urine infection but I have no other symptoms of one. Anyway, I'm now on day 2 of EWCM, and have been quite uncomfy on my left side today low down at the front, so I wonder if my body is trying to ovulate. I know that is CRAZY! I am breastfeeding 3 "babies" and just gave birth 6 weeks ago, lol! But my periods seem to be starting again earlier and earlier each time for me now, and the last time I had a period at 8 weeks postpartum, with ovulation too! So it's possible. I kind of hope not, for now! It's perfectly normal to have EWCM in random patches for months without ovulating or having a period, when you're breastfeeding, apparently. But it hasn't been MY norm, so far. We shall see.

Well, I think that is about all I wanted to catch up on for now. I'm sure I have more to waffle about, like how I genuinely felt really wistful and longing when I was driving Elijah to his appointment this morning and playing a worship CD that I listened to every time I drove to an antenatal appointment, and haven't heard since. Ohhhh how I missed being pregnant at that moment! I mean, I generally miss being pregnant and look forward to doing it again, but with the memory trigger of the music, I actually felt such a physical pang! I am going to be just hopeless when my baby-making days are over. I am already praying over it, because I know it will be an adjustment and I want to make it sanely and smoothly! ;) I trust God. He's in control and He knows what is best for me, so if I can rest in that, I should be okay, but I suuuuure will miss it!

It's just past midnight now and Elijah is STILL sleeping (since maybe 8.45pm!) so I need to wake him up for his medication now. I much prefer giving him his dose this way, because he doesn't really wake up. I pick him up and cradle him in my left arm, semi-upright, and then tease his lips with the syringe until he stirs and opens his mouth. His dose is only 0.33mls of nasty bitter liquid (yes, I did taste it), but I still only give him about a quarter of that dose at a time, rubbing his tiny cheeks to rouse him enough to make him swallow each little bit. I don't want him to choke! He takes the whole dose safely that way, and doesn't actually wake up or know he's even taking the yucky stuff, which is much nicer for him. He is such a trooper taking it when he's wide awake and hungry though. He grimaces a little, but calmly takes it all the same, and never tries to avoid it or turn his face away. He doesn't cry about it. He's such a good boy, and I love him so much! Anyway it's nice at night because he takes the dose without knowing, and then I lay him back down once I'm sure he's squidged his mouth about and swallowed a few times, and he generally stays asleep for a while longer before waking as usual for a feed. He feeds maybe every 3-4 hours at night, but one night after his 2nd osteo appointment a week ago, he slept from about midnight (having cried all evening which he usually does - this evening is unusual in that he has slept for most of it!) until 6am!!!! Now, there's no sense getting too excited about him "sleeping through the night" because looking back I see that many of my babies have done just that for One Night Only at the very same age. Then never again until like 18 months old, haha! Anyway it was nice! :)

Okay, off to medicate my darling boy. I will be back soon! I should be making this the last blog entry here for a while, because I like to close up shop here once the official postnatal/newborn period is over, until next time. And I usually go with the postnatal appointments for that marker, and we've done that. But Elijah is having prolonged newborn-ish issues still, and I haven't had my postnatal check yet, and anyway I am having ongoing treatment for pregnancy-related stuff with the physio, sooooo.... maybe I will keep it open a while longer. I also like to come back to keep track of my cycles once they start up again, and if that's going to happen soon anyway... I will not say goodbye for now. I'll come back and update again sometime soon, to keep a record of how Elijah is doing with his treatment. I think I will want that to look back on for future reference maybe. If you're still keeping up, well done, lol! I haven't got many commenters or readers on any of the posts I make here or at my main blog now, but I am much more settled now than I've ever been before with the idea of just blogging for my own memories and future reference stuff, so I am not put off. I like readers and commentors though, of course! ;) I will be back soon!

5 weeks - so much to update about!

Oh dear! I can't believe I haven't updated here since Elijah was 10 days old!!! :S Whoops!

Right now I literally have NO time to update. I never ever (ever) have time to update, because life is stretched to the max. So I'll bullet point again, so that at least I have made note of everything here, and mayyybe I might get chance to go into more detail on some of them another time.

* I have Gastro-Esophegeal Reflux Disease (GERD). A week ago my oesophagus decided not to work properly, and swallowing anything was painful and difficult. SO SCARY!!!! Anyway, long story short - no more big multi-vitamins for me, and I am now on omeprazole for 3 months. I still have discomfort in my oesophagus but it's easing up in general.

* Elijah has become a really distressed baby at all times. Last Thursday and Friday were absolutely unmanageable with Neil at work. Both days I phoned him in tears, unable to get food for the boys or give any of the boys any of my time at all, including Samuel and his need for a nap! Elijah screamed and screamed all day, no matter whether he was held, rocked, walked, bounced, wrapped, upright, reclined, and finally on those two days he started to pull of the breast to scream as well, and had a block of a couple of hours doing the same in the middle of the night. I had made him an appointment (after much encouragement to do so from Heather) at the osteopath that I took Benjamin and Samuel to, in London, but the earliest appointment was July 10th. I made that on Thursday.

* On Friday it was just so bad. Soooo bad. It wasn't even much past lunch time (not that I was anywhere near being able to imagine managing to get lunch ready), and I was breastfeeding Elijah in bed again, trying to find a way to settle him (nothing did). The boys were doing a mixture of crying, fighting, yelling and playing downstairs, and I was crying on the phone to Neil as I nursed Elijah. I did not know how to manage. Neil was coming home early that day because his company lets them out at 2pm on the last Friday of the month if they work through their lunch break! :)

* After the phone call I suddenly decided to be proactive - something had to be done NOW. I called the osteopath and asked if they might on the off-chance possibly have a cancellation for today, and what do you know?! Someone had JUST cancelled their 3.30 appt! Thank you Lord (because it was totally His doing). So I took Elijah to the osteopath that very day!

* Elijah has some issues. He apparently presented at birth with his head straight, instead of with his chin to his chest, as babies ought to be. Heather says this totally explains why I did not go into labour when my waters broke, and also why he was bobbing in and out, not engaging properly. Elijah has compression in the front part of his skull, which is why he always looks like he's frowning so deeply. He does have some good brows on him, lol! But as well as that, his head was really pressed down at the front as he was born. At the same time as that, the back of his head was being pressed backwards, which has caused compression in his neck at the back, and also some "pinching" in some vertebrae lower down in his back (think concertina). The pain in his back/neck has caused him to hold his diaphragm very tight, and this has resulted in severe "silent" reflux. Can't believe we were both diagnosed with GERD in the same week! :( He isn't a "sicky" baby at all, but his poor oesophagus is burning up all the same. They also felt that his "guts" are sensitive, and advised me to cut out dairy from my diet in case it's affecting him through my milk. Poor poor baby boy!

* They said not to wait in getting him to a doctor for a prescription for his reflux, and it was after hours when we got home. After the boys were in bed, I got him an urgent care appointment at the out of hours clinic at 9.30pm. They sent us to children's A&E!!!! They said he was so tiny and in so much obvious pain and distress that he needed to be seen by a paediatrician to rule out sepsis!!!! Yikes! So we went. We were there two hours, and I was beyond exhausted - Elijah too. He cried so much the whole time, and I had to walk him and rock him (Neil was obviously at home with the boys, who were sleeping). He was too distressed for them to take observations even, but they did get a normal temp reading, which was good. Finally they gave us a prescription for ranitidine (similar to my prescription), but I had to go back the next morning to collect it from the pharmacy. He was so exhausted when we got home (midnight!) and slept pretty well considering - a couple of 3 hour blocks in a row.

* Good old A&E gave him his first cold! I'm kind of annoyed about it! Poor baby, as if he needed anything else added to it all!! *sigh* Anyway. He is getting over that a bit today, and has been on his meds for 4 days now. He is doing better today than he has in ages, but still cries and screams a lot of the time. He has even smiled and cooed at us today, which is sooooo wonderful! He really hasn't done any of that before now - though he did smile for the first time at 3 weeks, 4 days old. And maybe twice over the two weeks after that, until now. He didn't really make eye contact either, he was just too busy hurting or being exhausted from hurting.

It has been really hard, but I'm hoping things are going to improve soon. I have cut out dairy and that's not easy either, but I'll do ANYTHING for my manny. I love him so much.

These three photos were taken at 4 and a half weeks old, at the end of last week before getting him sorted out. They were taken sort of to document how he has been, for my own reference really. They show the three expressions that he has had up until then. The first is his "exhausted/blank" expression, which he does when he's not crying or sleeping, just for a very short while; the second is his "fretting/anxious/pained" expression - he whimpers with this one, and the look in his eyes makes me want to cry. He looks actually scared and like he is desperate for reassurance :( The third is the most common - crying or screaming in a pained/distressed way.

Then see these four photos that I took this morning!! He IS still spending much of the time crying and distressed, but there is a definite light at the end of the tunnel if I can get photos like these - I have not been able to before now. His face was actually relaxed for a while and he looked... happy! :) And he smiled! And even got a bit animated and tried cooing! So happy to have caught it on camera! :)

Elijah is otherwise doing great - he weighed 8lbs 11oz at exactly one month old (last Wednesday), which is funny to me because it's exactly Benjamin's birth weight! :) He is at the 25th percentile for weight now, having started at the 9th, so he's growing well! He is feeding great, and weeing and pooing for England.

Okay, got to go. Elijah's cold has passed to Samuel, Benjamin and Nathan today and all three are awake and crying right now (some SCREAMING) at half past midnight. Urrrghh! Long night ahead. I have so much more to write and pics to post, but I will have to do it another time.