Just to quickly say THANK YOU so much for the supportive, loving comments. You guys uplift me so much, I can't tell you! :) I love you!
Also, I did ovulate! :) I'm currently 4DPO, although for some reason it feels like much longer since I ovulated. My temps did a slow-ish climb and FF put my ovulation at the day after the parsnips, even though I continued have EWCM for a few more days. I had to chart EWCM because it had certain.... characteristics (!) that only EWCM does, even though I was pretty sure it wasn't particularly fertile CM. It was like, instead of going away the day after I ovulate, it was having a more gradual disappearance!
Anyway! Moving on from the TMI! ;)
I'm only 4DPO but I feel... odd, further on, somehow. At what I now know to be 2DPO (before the chart had shown my ovulation having occurred yet), I had some weird sensations above and behind my pubic bone, like crampiness. It continued into yesterday morning - when I went to climb over the stair gate (long story!), there was a discomfort just above my pubic bone that felt for all the world like a mini ligament pain. If I was 8DPO I would most definitely be taking that as a pregnancy sign, but at TWO DPO?! Way too early.
Yesterday, at 3DPO, I had such an unhappy day. I just felt like crying all day long, and couldn't cope with the general running of the day/children/house. I had so little energy, emotionally as well as physically. I am going to chart "weepy" when I update my chart in a minute. That, again, is sometimes a pregnancy sign in my luteal phase, but in past pregnancies it has occurred at 4-5DPO instead. 3DPO is really tooooo early. Anyway, noted.
Yesterday I had a little dip in temp, almost low enough to be a pre-ovulatory temp, and I wondered if I would even get my coverline on my chart for ovulation because it had gone back down. But I did anyway, and then today - TODAY! - my temp shot up like craaaaazy!!! I'll have to see whether it drops back a bit tomorrow, but 36.75 is a high temp for me at just 4DPO - higher than usual, I think. My chart isn't very pretty this cycle, lol! It's a bit spikey!
This morning I don't feel weepy (so far) but I DO have what feels to me like bad cramps, low down. It feels like mild period pain, and goes through my back. Again, this would all be making me think pregnancy, except for how EARLY it is. So I will just have to watch and wait. Charting bad cramps today because of the pain I'm in at the moment, which, as you might know, I have only ever had to chart during my luteal phase when I am actually pregnant. With Elijah I had it (I always do when pregnant) and then apparently got my period, so for the first time I felt like I had been wrong about the bad cramps meaning pregnancy. Then lo and behold, a positive test a couple of weeks later! ;) So I would be saying, "Woohoooo, bad cramps! I know what that means!" but it's surely too early?! Unless I ovulated a day earlier than the chart says? I had ovulation pain at bedtime the day of the parsnips, but then I had some ovulation pain the next morning too, and my temp was still low enough to be a pre-ovulatory temp, so....
All my implantations have happened between 4 and 7DPO - ALL of them, even the 9 chemical pregnancies, as far as I know. So I am now in the right window for that, but yesterday? Implantation would explain the big temp jump today, but I will have to just see what my temps do for the next couple of days to be sure it isn't just a freaky temp or something.
Anyway, that is the update! :) Back soon!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Cycle Day 20 (already!)
Just keeping tabs on things by updating here.
I continued to feel pregnant for a while this cycle. It was really weird. Neil kept being SURE I was pregnant, which isn't like him (unless I am), but I really really wasn't. I was going to test yet again, to be sure, because Neil wanted me to, but I temped again and convinced him that a low temp meant I wasn't pregnant!
My temps have been unusually stable this cycle so far, pretty much ALL 36.1-something! That's really really stable, even for me. I can't help but think of Arthur's conception, because I had never seen my pre-ovulatory temps so steady and samey before. I haven't temped every day for most of my cycle - just every other day or every few days, to keep track until getting nearer to ovulation. I'm charting parsnips when it occurs at a "relevant" time in my cycle. Right now I'm on CD20 and my 5th consecutive day of EWCM. I had a huge temp dip yesterday and it's still low today, although it's come up a bit. I wondered if I would even ovulate yesterday because of the huge dip, but I don't very often have such a thing as an ovulation dip with my temps - though I know others who do. It's just weird to see it against all the very samey temps beforehand!
I sometimes have obvious signs that ovulation is about to occur, even including ovulation pain, at around this stage of my cycle in the first 8 months PP, but then it's like a failed attempt, the fertile signs go away and my temps remain low. Then a couple of weeks later, I get another attempt and ovulate. I think that happened the cycle Elijah was conceived, if I remember rightly. I didn't ovulate until CD40 in the end because of it! So I will wait and see, this cycle. I have had ovulation pain. I am noticing that I am finding ovulation more painful as I get older - or maybe it's just a "more babies" thing? I don't know. But either way, I am feeling ovulation more, and the run-up to it as well. I feel achy and heavy, usually on one side, for days before I ovulate, and the discomfort intensifies over the days until I have the more familiar sharper crampy pain of actual ovulation. That can actually last me a couple of days now, instead of being quite brief. It lingers, dulls down, and fades off.
So I have had some very strong fertile signs this past week. Lots of EWCM. Yesterday was Neil's birthday, and parsnips did occur. ;) So I have charted that, because it's in a fertile window. It is very very difficult to find time and energy for such pursuits when you have six children including a baby! ;) Typically we can have several interruptions from tiny people, and yesterday was no exception!
Hmmm, I'm never sure quite how personal I should be with blogs any more... I used to write like this allllll the time, and now I am... out of the habit, maybe? Or more wary/paranoid?! Who knows!
Another thing I'm never sure about whether to write in my blogs these days is deeply personal thoughts and feelings, like I used to, on certain things. Neil and I are far more contraversial with each baby that we add and each year that passes, than we ever were before, and MANY people disagree very strongly with our choices. Some act as though they even feel threatened by our own choices, in some way, and it's not all that fun to be on the receiving end from such people. So it's becoming easier, and maybe less stressful, just to keep things related to that stuff to myself more and more. Except for special forums, made for mamas who know and are in the same boat. There I can open up without fear of criticism or ridicule, and receive advice, love and support. I do get wonderful support from friends who strongly disagree with me here though, I know that! :) Thank you, if that is you!! xxx
So, some of you know that life has been mightily stressful these past 5 or 6 months. We have had... unwanted, and unmitigated intrusion from social services. I haven't blogged about it. Their concerns are unwarranted, and they now tell me that my children are healthy, happy, and lovely, and that I am a great mother. But the intrusion, people. The feeling of harrassment. The panic attacks! The overwhelmingness of it all, it has been hard to bear. My eldest two children have been almost impossible to manage, and the wheels are turning at last for assessment for Autistic Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's syndrome, particularly, in Arthur's case). Their behaviour is so difficult. Homeschool is going well at the moment. Elijah has been discharged (this week!) from the osteopath, fine and dandy at last. He wakes 3-5 times from bedtime to morning, always, since birth. Bad patches mean 5-8 (or more) wakings, and I am one exhaustulated mama. He's happy and healthy. He started sitting before 5 months old, and crawling before 6 months. He is 8 months old tomorrow, and has been cruising the furniture for a couple of weeks. He cut his first toothie a week ago (a bottom middley - my earliest teether so far! Well, tied with Matthew, anyway), and he has that tell-tale eroded dark line on his gum over his first top middle tooth tonight. From the look of his poor bulgy gums, I think he will probably have two at the top and two at the bottom within a week or two.
Elijah had his 8 month check last week with a new health visitor who came to my house and weighed and measured him. He weighed 14lbs 15oz - just about at the 2nd percentile! So weeny! And he's 67.5cm (26.5 inches) tall - just under the 9th percentile. My tiny precious peanut!!! I love him sooooooooooooooooooooo. Sorry about all the 'o's. Each and every one was necessary!
Elijah isn't babbling at all yet (da-da-da-da-da, ma-ma-ma-ma, etc), which is "late" for my babies, and for development in general, I think. But I think he's been focusing on motor skills and not interested in a THING else, therefore. He shouts, squawks and does a funny loud cough to get our attention (both Neil and I, and his brothers!), which is right on target for his age, so that's good. He is also still exclusively breastfed. He just doesn't really want to eat food. I am going with what we always do, baby-led weaning (no purees), and he is interested in what we're doing, and he grabs food from our plates or hands, but he's horrified when he puts it to his mouth, lol! He seems extremely texture-sensitive, and even an individual crumb on the tip of his tongue causes his mouth and eyes to water, and then the gagging starts. I started to wonder about trying him on purees because of that, but he has gagged and retched on tiny tastes of yoghurt (maybe the cold temperature?) and things like that. He just isn't ready for solids yet, even though he's 8 months old. He isn't moving food to the back of his mouth. BUT, I did find out the other day that he likes to hold solid food, and likes the taste of rusks! He managed to cope with the texture because it just melts away, and he ended up eating about a quarter of a rusk in one sitting on Thursday, by just sucking on it! So that was his first real proper intake of any food! :)
Samuel turned 2 last month, and he is still breastfeeding on demand (to some degree) through the day. He asks a LOT! I probably sit down on the sofa and snuggle with him and let him breastfeed maybe between 3 and 5 times from getting up in the morning to before bedtime. I say no several times a day as well, but only really because I can't stop to nurse at that moment. Some days he nurses to sleep like that around lunch time, or mid-afternoon. I let him nap for a bit and then wake him up, or else bedtime drags on. At bedtime, he always has his milky in bed ("miggy-bed!") as an absolute set-in-stone routine. I don't breastfeed him overnight unless he wakes from a bad dream or something, and then I always do.
Benjamin is 3-and-a-half this month, and still breastfeeding. I am sure he will be like the two eldest boys and stop at age 4. He still loves his milky, and usually if he sees Samuel nursing then he will want to as well, so I usually tandem nurse during the day. Elijah is just reaching the stage where he will take a quick feed sitting up next to me on the sofa, so sometimes I tandem nurse Elijah and Samuel together, and Benjamin has to wait (rather pitifully, lol!)! Oh for three breasts! ;) I LOVE tandem nursing, and particularly, I love extended breastfeeding. I stop loving it quite so much by age 4 (hence nobody nursing longer than that - just personal preference), but breastfeeding a 1, 2, or 3-year-old is just a wonderful experience. Benjamin takes very quick nursing sessions, not like Samuel. And he still has his bedtime milky in his bed, but always after Samuel has nursed to sleep, by which time Benjamin is sometimes asleep already, so on those nights he doesn't have any.
It's bizarre to me that I am nursing a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old, and exclusively breastfeeding an 8-month-old baby, and yet ovulating, charting, temping, having periods and a chemical pregnancy, etc., lol! My body isn't textbook, that's for sure.
So. Not the easiest of times. We are STILL in our tiny home. We sold our house in the autumn, and lost our buyer because we didn't find a place to move to in time for them. We sold again a couple of weeks later, before Christmas, and our buyer is still hanging in there while we spend most Saturdays driving all over the place viewing properties, with our van-full of complaining mini travellers. They are less-than-impressed that we're trekking around ("This is so boring!!") and then Neil and I take turns to go into houses with the estate agents while the other sits in the van with the children. I know it's not fun, but hey ho, it has to be done! We can't afford to live here if we need a bigger house, and we need to find somewhere else that we CAN afford. We just have nooooo idea where that somewhere is. We're working on it! But the weeks are passing.
And in the midst of all this chaos....
Are we crazy? Are we absolutely out of our MINDS?! For Neil particularly, the pull has been very strong, to prevent pregnancy. He isn't very focused on God most of the time, which I find really hard, as his wife and as a mummy trying to raise her children to know God. :( When it's time for decision making though, it does come back to God, and we talk about it, read about it, pray about it. We both have varying degrees of anxiety over continuing to have babies, but ultimately we end up feeling confident that this is the way forward.
We are coping with a LOT, and sometimes it's overwhelming. I know the whole world, the whole world thinks we're crackers not to. That makes it even harder to stand where we stand, and practise what we preach, if you know what I mean. If I trusted God to be in control - to know what is best for our family, to know which children (and how many of them) to add to our family, and when.... then that should not change. Even when it's hard. Even when it seems like we surely know better than He does, what's right and wrong, and what's best for us at this particular season in our lives. I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?! More babies right now? Craaaazy, right? Not good for our health, maybe? Not good for the wellbeing of the children we already have? Lots of things have been running through our thoughts and conversations, and prayers.
But two verses keep on coming back to me, and they sit with me like they're stuck to me - way more sticky than post-it notes. My attitude sometimes shakes them off, but then I look down and oh, there they still are, stuck to my side. They uplift me and point me to the truth, so I cling to these verses in difficult seasons when I am BLESSED enough to still be a woman in her fertile childbearing years:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
"In all your ways" to me, includes reproduction.
""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."" (Jeremiah 29:11)
No matter how things seem to me, I must must MUST trust that God knows best. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. This is not some blind laughable step-in-the-dark faith. This is GOD - the Creator of the universe and the ends of the earth, who gives and sustains life, who sent His own son to die so that I could live. This same God has most definitely got the ability, not to mention the absolute right, to control the adding of new people to this little family submitting themselves to Him. I also know that God desires to oversee the growth of our family. It doesn't make sense that He wouldn't. Do I believe that, and then decide that - okay, God is to be in charge, but then maybe He just doesn't realise how difficult things have been? Or maybe God can't understand that someone like me who is by nature impatient and disorganised, could surely not manage to be even a semi-efficient mother of 7 or 8 children under the age of 10! SURELY?!!
No. God knows me through and through, like nobody reading this could, nor my own husband or parents. I don't even know myself and my own needs and weaknesses (and strengths) like God does. He KNOWS me. And that verse from Jeremiah is for me, for me. He knows me, and yet He plans only good things for me. So I have to conclude that if I become pregnant, it's because God knows that I have a special need for practice in the ways of patience and organisation, lol! He knows that He has placed in me a special gift of the loving and nurturing of children. He knows that children are a joy and a blessing, even though there are difficult patches, and He LOVES to give His children (that's me!) good gifts because He is a generous and loving Father. For all those reasons, and many more than I don't even know or understand yet, He sees fit to bless me by sending me presents from heaven in the form of babies, genetically mine and Neil's. I still pray (and I know this is Neil's heart too) that one day God will be pleased to also send us children who aren't genetically ours, but who have been predestined to be our own children from the beginning of time.
The semi-efficient thing is irrelevant - and clearly I will need to re-read this entry many times over the years to come, lol! I struggle with confidence in this area a lot and need to hear what I'm writing now, pretty much daily. It's irrelevant because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", and because I am not supposed to be able to do these things in my own strength. When I do it in His strength, He gets the glory, and that's how it should be.
Anyway. This is all stuff that I really wish I would get around to posting at my main blog! Maybe I will just copy and paste the updatey (non-EWCM-related, lol!) stuff to my main blog, then it's THERE. It's late now so I need to go to bed, but I just wanted to waffle about those thoughts here for a bit. I wanted to explain. I know I don't need to. But I wanted to. So when (if) I were ever to share that I spend the best part of a week completely overwhelmed, wade through Saturday and spiritually stagger into church on Sunday with my heart weighed down with heaviness, head to the ministry team to be prayed for at the end and just say through tears, "My heart is just heavy. I don't know how to do everything. I just feel so overwhelmed right now. Please pray for me.".... then I come here and say, "Woohoo, looking good for conception this cycle!!! :D" - please don't jump on me saying that I'm nuts, and can't I see that I obviously need a break and shouldn't be doing this right now! ;) I know the temptation will be strong. I DO have those moments. The above example was from the week before last, and it's not an unusual example. But you know? They did pray for me, and I did leave church refreshed for the week ahead. Not every week is that bad. But in any case, having babies isn't just a negative, another burden to add, to an intense season with strong emotions and a major life challenge. It is also a blessing, and a joyful focus, a relief of some burdens, and a physical boost (in many ways, as well as being physically draining in others, lol!). It's another PERSON, who lives! *I* will settle down, life will soothe back to a steady hum eventually anyway, more babies or not, but this way another person lives! How will God use their life? Which people will they touch and change with their existence? Which children will they bear and how will their lives impact the world and those around them? On and on the blessings go. I count it all joy - I've read that somewhere in the Bible, can't think where off the top of my head - I count it all JOY, because wow. What a privilege. I don't want to cut off that opportunity, because I'm having a bad day (well, slight under-exaggeration, but you know what I mean!). My bad "day" will pass. My fertility will too. I don't want to miss any opportunity for God to bless us and open my womb again. I'm a bit scared in some ways, but not when I focus on all the stuff I have written here today.
Elijah is waking so I have to go, but I'll be back soon to update on whether or not I ovulate! :)
I continued to feel pregnant for a while this cycle. It was really weird. Neil kept being SURE I was pregnant, which isn't like him (unless I am), but I really really wasn't. I was going to test yet again, to be sure, because Neil wanted me to, but I temped again and convinced him that a low temp meant I wasn't pregnant!
My temps have been unusually stable this cycle so far, pretty much ALL 36.1-something! That's really really stable, even for me. I can't help but think of Arthur's conception, because I had never seen my pre-ovulatory temps so steady and samey before. I haven't temped every day for most of my cycle - just every other day or every few days, to keep track until getting nearer to ovulation. I'm charting parsnips when it occurs at a "relevant" time in my cycle. Right now I'm on CD20 and my 5th consecutive day of EWCM. I had a huge temp dip yesterday and it's still low today, although it's come up a bit. I wondered if I would even ovulate yesterday because of the huge dip, but I don't very often have such a thing as an ovulation dip with my temps - though I know others who do. It's just weird to see it against all the very samey temps beforehand!
I sometimes have obvious signs that ovulation is about to occur, even including ovulation pain, at around this stage of my cycle in the first 8 months PP, but then it's like a failed attempt, the fertile signs go away and my temps remain low. Then a couple of weeks later, I get another attempt and ovulate. I think that happened the cycle Elijah was conceived, if I remember rightly. I didn't ovulate until CD40 in the end because of it! So I will wait and see, this cycle. I have had ovulation pain. I am noticing that I am finding ovulation more painful as I get older - or maybe it's just a "more babies" thing? I don't know. But either way, I am feeling ovulation more, and the run-up to it as well. I feel achy and heavy, usually on one side, for days before I ovulate, and the discomfort intensifies over the days until I have the more familiar sharper crampy pain of actual ovulation. That can actually last me a couple of days now, instead of being quite brief. It lingers, dulls down, and fades off.
So I have had some very strong fertile signs this past week. Lots of EWCM. Yesterday was Neil's birthday, and parsnips did occur. ;) So I have charted that, because it's in a fertile window. It is very very difficult to find time and energy for such pursuits when you have six children including a baby! ;) Typically we can have several interruptions from tiny people, and yesterday was no exception!
Hmmm, I'm never sure quite how personal I should be with blogs any more... I used to write like this allllll the time, and now I am... out of the habit, maybe? Or more wary/paranoid?! Who knows!
Another thing I'm never sure about whether to write in my blogs these days is deeply personal thoughts and feelings, like I used to, on certain things. Neil and I are far more contraversial with each baby that we add and each year that passes, than we ever were before, and MANY people disagree very strongly with our choices. Some act as though they even feel threatened by our own choices, in some way, and it's not all that fun to be on the receiving end from such people. So it's becoming easier, and maybe less stressful, just to keep things related to that stuff to myself more and more. Except for special forums, made for mamas who know and are in the same boat. There I can open up without fear of criticism or ridicule, and receive advice, love and support. I do get wonderful support from friends who strongly disagree with me here though, I know that! :) Thank you, if that is you!! xxx
So, some of you know that life has been mightily stressful these past 5 or 6 months. We have had... unwanted, and unmitigated intrusion from social services. I haven't blogged about it. Their concerns are unwarranted, and they now tell me that my children are healthy, happy, and lovely, and that I am a great mother. But the intrusion, people. The feeling of harrassment. The panic attacks! The overwhelmingness of it all, it has been hard to bear. My eldest two children have been almost impossible to manage, and the wheels are turning at last for assessment for Autistic Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's syndrome, particularly, in Arthur's case). Their behaviour is so difficult. Homeschool is going well at the moment. Elijah has been discharged (this week!) from the osteopath, fine and dandy at last. He wakes 3-5 times from bedtime to morning, always, since birth. Bad patches mean 5-8 (or more) wakings, and I am one exhaustulated mama. He's happy and healthy. He started sitting before 5 months old, and crawling before 6 months. He is 8 months old tomorrow, and has been cruising the furniture for a couple of weeks. He cut his first toothie a week ago (a bottom middley - my earliest teether so far! Well, tied with Matthew, anyway), and he has that tell-tale eroded dark line on his gum over his first top middle tooth tonight. From the look of his poor bulgy gums, I think he will probably have two at the top and two at the bottom within a week or two.
Elijah had his 8 month check last week with a new health visitor who came to my house and weighed and measured him. He weighed 14lbs 15oz - just about at the 2nd percentile! So weeny! And he's 67.5cm (26.5 inches) tall - just under the 9th percentile. My tiny precious peanut!!! I love him sooooooooooooooooooooo. Sorry about all the 'o's. Each and every one was necessary!
Elijah isn't babbling at all yet (da-da-da-da-da, ma-ma-ma-ma, etc), which is "late" for my babies, and for development in general, I think. But I think he's been focusing on motor skills and not interested in a THING else, therefore. He shouts, squawks and does a funny loud cough to get our attention (both Neil and I, and his brothers!), which is right on target for his age, so that's good. He is also still exclusively breastfed. He just doesn't really want to eat food. I am going with what we always do, baby-led weaning (no purees), and he is interested in what we're doing, and he grabs food from our plates or hands, but he's horrified when he puts it to his mouth, lol! He seems extremely texture-sensitive, and even an individual crumb on the tip of his tongue causes his mouth and eyes to water, and then the gagging starts. I started to wonder about trying him on purees because of that, but he has gagged and retched on tiny tastes of yoghurt (maybe the cold temperature?) and things like that. He just isn't ready for solids yet, even though he's 8 months old. He isn't moving food to the back of his mouth. BUT, I did find out the other day that he likes to hold solid food, and likes the taste of rusks! He managed to cope with the texture because it just melts away, and he ended up eating about a quarter of a rusk in one sitting on Thursday, by just sucking on it! So that was his first real proper intake of any food! :)
Samuel turned 2 last month, and he is still breastfeeding on demand (to some degree) through the day. He asks a LOT! I probably sit down on the sofa and snuggle with him and let him breastfeed maybe between 3 and 5 times from getting up in the morning to before bedtime. I say no several times a day as well, but only really because I can't stop to nurse at that moment. Some days he nurses to sleep like that around lunch time, or mid-afternoon. I let him nap for a bit and then wake him up, or else bedtime drags on. At bedtime, he always has his milky in bed ("miggy-bed!") as an absolute set-in-stone routine. I don't breastfeed him overnight unless he wakes from a bad dream or something, and then I always do.
Benjamin is 3-and-a-half this month, and still breastfeeding. I am sure he will be like the two eldest boys and stop at age 4. He still loves his milky, and usually if he sees Samuel nursing then he will want to as well, so I usually tandem nurse during the day. Elijah is just reaching the stage where he will take a quick feed sitting up next to me on the sofa, so sometimes I tandem nurse Elijah and Samuel together, and Benjamin has to wait (rather pitifully, lol!)! Oh for three breasts! ;) I LOVE tandem nursing, and particularly, I love extended breastfeeding. I stop loving it quite so much by age 4 (hence nobody nursing longer than that - just personal preference), but breastfeeding a 1, 2, or 3-year-old is just a wonderful experience. Benjamin takes very quick nursing sessions, not like Samuel. And he still has his bedtime milky in his bed, but always after Samuel has nursed to sleep, by which time Benjamin is sometimes asleep already, so on those nights he doesn't have any.
It's bizarre to me that I am nursing a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old, and exclusively breastfeeding an 8-month-old baby, and yet ovulating, charting, temping, having periods and a chemical pregnancy, etc., lol! My body isn't textbook, that's for sure.
So. Not the easiest of times. We are STILL in our tiny home. We sold our house in the autumn, and lost our buyer because we didn't find a place to move to in time for them. We sold again a couple of weeks later, before Christmas, and our buyer is still hanging in there while we spend most Saturdays driving all over the place viewing properties, with our van-full of complaining mini travellers. They are less-than-impressed that we're trekking around ("This is so boring!!") and then Neil and I take turns to go into houses with the estate agents while the other sits in the van with the children. I know it's not fun, but hey ho, it has to be done! We can't afford to live here if we need a bigger house, and we need to find somewhere else that we CAN afford. We just have nooooo idea where that somewhere is. We're working on it! But the weeks are passing.
And in the midst of all this chaos....
Are we crazy? Are we absolutely out of our MINDS?! For Neil particularly, the pull has been very strong, to prevent pregnancy. He isn't very focused on God most of the time, which I find really hard, as his wife and as a mummy trying to raise her children to know God. :( When it's time for decision making though, it does come back to God, and we talk about it, read about it, pray about it. We both have varying degrees of anxiety over continuing to have babies, but ultimately we end up feeling confident that this is the way forward.
We are coping with a LOT, and sometimes it's overwhelming. I know the whole world, the whole world thinks we're crackers not to. That makes it even harder to stand where we stand, and practise what we preach, if you know what I mean. If I trusted God to be in control - to know what is best for our family, to know which children (and how many of them) to add to our family, and when.... then that should not change. Even when it's hard. Even when it seems like we surely know better than He does, what's right and wrong, and what's best for us at this particular season in our lives. I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?! More babies right now? Craaaazy, right? Not good for our health, maybe? Not good for the wellbeing of the children we already have? Lots of things have been running through our thoughts and conversations, and prayers.
But two verses keep on coming back to me, and they sit with me like they're stuck to me - way more sticky than post-it notes. My attitude sometimes shakes them off, but then I look down and oh, there they still are, stuck to my side. They uplift me and point me to the truth, so I cling to these verses in difficult seasons when I am BLESSED enough to still be a woman in her fertile childbearing years:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
"In all your ways" to me, includes reproduction.
""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."" (Jeremiah 29:11)
No matter how things seem to me, I must must MUST trust that God knows best. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. This is not some blind laughable step-in-the-dark faith. This is GOD - the Creator of the universe and the ends of the earth, who gives and sustains life, who sent His own son to die so that I could live. This same God has most definitely got the ability, not to mention the absolute right, to control the adding of new people to this little family submitting themselves to Him. I also know that God desires to oversee the growth of our family. It doesn't make sense that He wouldn't. Do I believe that, and then decide that - okay, God is to be in charge, but then maybe He just doesn't realise how difficult things have been? Or maybe God can't understand that someone like me who is by nature impatient and disorganised, could surely not manage to be even a semi-efficient mother of 7 or 8 children under the age of 10! SURELY?!!
No. God knows me through and through, like nobody reading this could, nor my own husband or parents. I don't even know myself and my own needs and weaknesses (and strengths) like God does. He KNOWS me. And that verse from Jeremiah is for me, for me. He knows me, and yet He plans only good things for me. So I have to conclude that if I become pregnant, it's because God knows that I have a special need for practice in the ways of patience and organisation, lol! He knows that He has placed in me a special gift of the loving and nurturing of children. He knows that children are a joy and a blessing, even though there are difficult patches, and He LOVES to give His children (that's me!) good gifts because He is a generous and loving Father. For all those reasons, and many more than I don't even know or understand yet, He sees fit to bless me by sending me presents from heaven in the form of babies, genetically mine and Neil's. I still pray (and I know this is Neil's heart too) that one day God will be pleased to also send us children who aren't genetically ours, but who have been predestined to be our own children from the beginning of time.
The semi-efficient thing is irrelevant - and clearly I will need to re-read this entry many times over the years to come, lol! I struggle with confidence in this area a lot and need to hear what I'm writing now, pretty much daily. It's irrelevant because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", and because I am not supposed to be able to do these things in my own strength. When I do it in His strength, He gets the glory, and that's how it should be.
Anyway. This is all stuff that I really wish I would get around to posting at my main blog! Maybe I will just copy and paste the updatey (non-EWCM-related, lol!) stuff to my main blog, then it's THERE. It's late now so I need to go to bed, but I just wanted to waffle about those thoughts here for a bit. I wanted to explain. I know I don't need to. But I wanted to. So when (if) I were ever to share that I spend the best part of a week completely overwhelmed, wade through Saturday and spiritually stagger into church on Sunday with my heart weighed down with heaviness, head to the ministry team to be prayed for at the end and just say through tears, "My heart is just heavy. I don't know how to do everything. I just feel so overwhelmed right now. Please pray for me.".... then I come here and say, "Woohoo, looking good for conception this cycle!!! :D" - please don't jump on me saying that I'm nuts, and can't I see that I obviously need a break and shouldn't be doing this right now! ;) I know the temptation will be strong. I DO have those moments. The above example was from the week before last, and it's not an unusual example. But you know? They did pray for me, and I did leave church refreshed for the week ahead. Not every week is that bad. But in any case, having babies isn't just a negative, another burden to add, to an intense season with strong emotions and a major life challenge. It is also a blessing, and a joyful focus, a relief of some burdens, and a physical boost (in many ways, as well as being physically draining in others, lol!). It's another PERSON, who lives! *I* will settle down, life will soothe back to a steady hum eventually anyway, more babies or not, but this way another person lives! How will God use their life? Which people will they touch and change with their existence? Which children will they bear and how will their lives impact the world and those around them? On and on the blessings go. I count it all joy - I've read that somewhere in the Bible, can't think where off the top of my head - I count it all JOY, because wow. What a privilege. I don't want to cut off that opportunity, because I'm having a bad day (well, slight under-exaggeration, but you know what I mean!). My bad "day" will pass. My fertility will too. I don't want to miss any opportunity for God to bless us and open my womb again. I'm a bit scared in some ways, but not when I focus on all the stuff I have written here today.
Elijah is waking so I have to go, but I'll be back soon to update on whether or not I ovulate! :)
Monday, January 14, 2013
Update! (and an update to the update, lol!)
Oh I'm so frustrated with my new phone!!! I'm really sorry to leave you hanging. I wrote an update dayyyys ago, on the phone, thinking, "Ooh this blogger app is really nifty! So easy to use!" and posted it. Only just now did I think to update again and find that it never posted!!! Then looking on my phone it recorded a "failed to post to blogger" message but never notified me! Aaaargh!!
ANYWAY! I will use the laptop from now on. Our internet is back and all is resolved, thankfully, so I can do that.
I totally presumed the temp drop and bleeding was my period, which is what I thought everyone would assume, given the next day's temp still being low, so I didn't update right away. I saw some comments about waiting for an update, so I did one! I'm sorry it didn't post and it's been AGES since I last posted therefore!
I had a fairly usual period, maybe a bit heavier than normal to start. Not awful in terms of cramping, which is good I guess. I still have the positive test stick, and I'm not sure about throwing it away. I've had lots of chemical pregnancies now - this one makes 9 beginnings of the building blocks of precious little people, since the cycle before Arthur was conceived. And tiny Toby as well, of course, which makes ten. I believe that I will get to meet them all one day, which is quite a thought! :) And I thought I was a mother of many children here on earth! :)
I have temped a few times since starting my period, just to make sure. Every time, it has been pre-ovulation low, for sure. So I haven't tested again because of that, even with my experience last time with Elijah. I just hadn't temped that time, so I wouldn't have known that my temp must have jumped back up after the initial drop and bleed. When I did temp again, I was 17 days past ovulation and it was nice and high.
Inexplicably, I do wonder this time though. My temps are consistently low, and I've had a period, so OBVIOUSLY I'm not pregnant, but there are odd things that ended up being the red flags that got me suspicious in the end, with Elijah. I have the odd spot on my face, which (as with Elijah before I realised) I never ever get unless I am GETTING my period (they always clear up within 2 days after it starts) or I am pregnant. I feel kind of bloated and full in my low abdomen (which can be put down to IBS maybe?), and I'm really exhausted, like hormonal exhausted. But I can put that down to some crazy bad sleep lately with staying up reeeeeeally late finishing Nathan's birthday cake on Friday (he's FIVE!!!!), and then not getting enough sleep since then. I was talking to a lady at church last night and randomly felt a bit gaggy when I swallowed, one time. It distracted me with that, "Hmmm..." thought even while she was talking to me. Tonight I was looking at a book and turned to face the laptop, and in that split second I could taste (and suddenly wanted) lasagne, but a specific brand and everything, and I had already eaten dinner so I wasn't hungry. I am more irritable than usual, but that's a tiredness thing probably. Just a few random weirdnesses that DO come together and make me wonder. I think if I hadn't been temping at all since my period I would be nervously excited for the morning to come so I could temp, and I think I would probably expect it to be high like when I did all this with Elijah and I turned out to be pregnant. But my temps are low, so it CAN'T be. So weird then. Neil wants me to test anyway in the morning. If I am still counting from ovulation, I would be 16DPO today - uncanny that it's the same timing as when I finally thought, "Hmmm...." with Elijah and tested the next morning. I think I will test and just once and for all put my mind at rest about it.
I am too tired to write more tonight, and I think Elijah is going to wake for a feed any time now so I'm going to get ready for bed. I will update if I test tomorrow, whatever the result. If I don't update, I didn't test! Thanks for asking after me and for being excited! :)
[ETA: My temp this morning was 36.17, low enough to still be pre-ovulatory, as in not pregnant. I tested anyway, and the stick has a stark white line, so NOT pregnant! I looked at all three tests together (the one from 8DPO, the one from 9DPO when I had already started my period that morning, and today's), and it's probably weird of me, but I felt a huge surge of relief and happiness seeing the obvious difference between them. In my didn't-post-properly update, I said that when I looked at the 9DPO test again, it looked the same as the 8DPO one. Maybe even a touch less faint than the day before, but I felt a bit silly because I was obviously starting my period and my temp had been dropping for 2 days. I started to question whether neither of them showed anything about a baby starting to grow, and maybe they were evaporation lines? I didn't think they could be because they showed up within the first minute or two, and seemed to have pink pigment to them, and I've never seen evaporation lines on this brand of tests that I've used (extensively, haha!) for years. I did start to doubt my original thoughts over it a bit though. Anyway, it's strangely wonderful to see the faint pink lines (9DPO actually does seem to look a little stronger, even though I had started properly bleeding by then) against the absolutely non-existent line on today's test. Now I feel happy to be able to reassure myself that I WAS pregnant, and a tiny person DID begin inside me, and I WILL meet another child in heaven one day. It's likely that it would have been a perfectly healthy baby, but my body wasn't able to sustain its growth. :( Which is a bit sad, but there we are, I suppose. Anyway, closure. I can put it behind me now, and wonder what on earth is going on with my hormones to cause these few weird symptoms, lol!]
ANYWAY! I will use the laptop from now on. Our internet is back and all is resolved, thankfully, so I can do that.
I totally presumed the temp drop and bleeding was my period, which is what I thought everyone would assume, given the next day's temp still being low, so I didn't update right away. I saw some comments about waiting for an update, so I did one! I'm sorry it didn't post and it's been AGES since I last posted therefore!
I had a fairly usual period, maybe a bit heavier than normal to start. Not awful in terms of cramping, which is good I guess. I still have the positive test stick, and I'm not sure about throwing it away. I've had lots of chemical pregnancies now - this one makes 9 beginnings of the building blocks of precious little people, since the cycle before Arthur was conceived. And tiny Toby as well, of course, which makes ten. I believe that I will get to meet them all one day, which is quite a thought! :) And I thought I was a mother of many children here on earth! :)
I have temped a few times since starting my period, just to make sure. Every time, it has been pre-ovulation low, for sure. So I haven't tested again because of that, even with my experience last time with Elijah. I just hadn't temped that time, so I wouldn't have known that my temp must have jumped back up after the initial drop and bleed. When I did temp again, I was 17 days past ovulation and it was nice and high.
Inexplicably, I do wonder this time though. My temps are consistently low, and I've had a period, so OBVIOUSLY I'm not pregnant, but there are odd things that ended up being the red flags that got me suspicious in the end, with Elijah. I have the odd spot on my face, which (as with Elijah before I realised) I never ever get unless I am GETTING my period (they always clear up within 2 days after it starts) or I am pregnant. I feel kind of bloated and full in my low abdomen (which can be put down to IBS maybe?), and I'm really exhausted, like hormonal exhausted. But I can put that down to some crazy bad sleep lately with staying up reeeeeeally late finishing Nathan's birthday cake on Friday (he's FIVE!!!!), and then not getting enough sleep since then. I was talking to a lady at church last night and randomly felt a bit gaggy when I swallowed, one time. It distracted me with that, "Hmmm..." thought even while she was talking to me. Tonight I was looking at a book and turned to face the laptop, and in that split second I could taste (and suddenly wanted) lasagne, but a specific brand and everything, and I had already eaten dinner so I wasn't hungry. I am more irritable than usual, but that's a tiredness thing probably. Just a few random weirdnesses that DO come together and make me wonder. I think if I hadn't been temping at all since my period I would be nervously excited for the morning to come so I could temp, and I think I would probably expect it to be high like when I did all this with Elijah and I turned out to be pregnant. But my temps are low, so it CAN'T be. So weird then. Neil wants me to test anyway in the morning. If I am still counting from ovulation, I would be 16DPO today - uncanny that it's the same timing as when I finally thought, "Hmmm...." with Elijah and tested the next morning. I think I will test and just once and for all put my mind at rest about it.
I am too tired to write more tonight, and I think Elijah is going to wake for a feed any time now so I'm going to get ready for bed. I will update if I test tomorrow, whatever the result. If I don't update, I didn't test! Thanks for asking after me and for being excited! :)
[ETA: My temp this morning was 36.17, low enough to still be pre-ovulatory, as in not pregnant. I tested anyway, and the stick has a stark white line, so NOT pregnant! I looked at all three tests together (the one from 8DPO, the one from 9DPO when I had already started my period that morning, and today's), and it's probably weird of me, but I felt a huge surge of relief and happiness seeing the obvious difference between them. In my didn't-post-properly update, I said that when I looked at the 9DPO test again, it looked the same as the 8DPO one. Maybe even a touch less faint than the day before, but I felt a bit silly because I was obviously starting my period and my temp had been dropping for 2 days. I started to question whether neither of them showed anything about a baby starting to grow, and maybe they were evaporation lines? I didn't think they could be because they showed up within the first minute or two, and seemed to have pink pigment to them, and I've never seen evaporation lines on this brand of tests that I've used (extensively, haha!) for years. I did start to doubt my original thoughts over it a bit though. Anyway, it's strangely wonderful to see the faint pink lines (9DPO actually does seem to look a little stronger, even though I had started properly bleeding by then) against the absolutely non-existent line on today's test. Now I feel happy to be able to reassure myself that I WAS pregnant, and a tiny person DID begin inside me, and I WILL meet another child in heaven one day. It's likely that it would have been a perfectly healthy baby, but my body wasn't able to sustain its growth. :( Which is a bit sad, but there we are, I suppose. Anyway, closure. I can put it behind me now, and wonder what on earth is going on with my hormones to cause these few weird symptoms, lol!]
Monday, January 7, 2013
Surprised, in a way
I need to get school started so I've only got a moment, but I wanted to not leave anyone hanging in suspense! I had some very light bleeding last night with some cramping. It seemed awfully like Elijah's pregnancy at that stage, so I just waited. This morning when I temped, it had dropped again. Not quite as low as before ovulation, but low enough, and when I got up I started bleeding heavily. I did test anyway for confirmation, but mainly because I wanted to see if the result would be different to yesterday's, because I can't stop thinking of that test. I've had a lot of chemical pregnancies and taken a lot of pregnancy tests over the years, and I've tried to see lines that weren't there with everything in me! This line was definitely there. It is still there today and there's a mayyybe-possibly line on today's test which I doubt would show up on a photo. I'm glad I did it though -now I can hold the two together and see that yesterday's was a positive pregnancy test, for which reason I am going to chart it as such. I am not sure whether to call today the first day of my period or not. Usually if bleeding is red I chart menstruation, but it was so light and seemed to stop before I went to bed. I never normally get spotting the day before a period, and when I have had spotting in early pregnancy, it usually isn't as much as yesterday's "spotting". I will decide later. I haven't updated my chart yet.
Okay Samuel is screeching about something - must go! Thanks for the comments (loved the "I see the line!!!" ones! Thank you. :) ). Back soon.
Okay Samuel is screeching about something - must go! Thanks for the comments (loved the "I see the line!!!" ones! Thank you. :) ). Back soon.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
8DPO
Well, call me crazy, but my temp dropped this morning a fair bit but having a night of bizarre, definitely hormonal dreams, and weird low backache and bad crampy-type sensations from inside my hip to under my pubic bone on my right side only (hmmm...), I decided to pee on a stick. I know, I'm only 8dpo and have never tested positive this early before, even when actually pregnant, but well... what can I say? Crazy-Obsesso Woman strikes again! ;)
I know the temp drop might mean that my luteal phase is coming to an end, even if a baby has started in there, but I see the faintest of faint lines on my pregnancy test this morning. It was there within the right time frame and it's proper pink pigment, not an evaporation line. I should think people probably can't see what I'm seeing because often that's the case when I post faint early pregnancy test pics even when they're more visible than this one!
I wish I had the internet working on my computer because then I could edit a photo of the test stick so that what I'm seeing is more clear, like with contrast or whatever. But here is the photo I took on the new phone. I managed to upload it to Photobucket but can't use the editing stuff there. Hope this works!...
I know the temp drop might mean that my luteal phase is coming to an end, even if a baby has started in there, but I see the faintest of faint lines on my pregnancy test this morning. It was there within the right time frame and it's proper pink pigment, not an evaporation line. I should think people probably can't see what I'm seeing because often that's the case when I post faint early pregnancy test pics even when they're more visible than this one!
I wish I had the internet working on my computer because then I could edit a photo of the test stick so that what I'm seeing is more clear, like with contrast or whatever. But here is the photo I took on the new phone. I managed to upload it to Photobucket but can't use the editing stuff there. Hope this works!...
The only oother things of note today are mild queasiness like the last four days, and -I know it sounds silly - unusual clumsiness! I have been a complete butter fingers (remember when I inexplicably dropped a plate of apple crumble and custard and broke it at 8dpo with Matthew, and something very similar at the same early gestation with Nathan?!) and fell down the last four stairs when we got home from church. Heather and her hubby were on the ministry team this morning and when I went to be prayed for, I mentioned that I thought I might be pregnant, even though it might not stick, and Heather immediately squealed with excitement and gave me a big hug! That was soooo nice, I can't tell you! :)
Anyway, like I told Heather, I will keep you posted! Having learnt my lesson last time with Elijah (remember I had a big temp drop at 7dpo PLUS bleeding and cramping, so I totally presumed my period had arrived and stopped temping, only to think, "Hmmm...." ten days later and take a (very positive) pregnancy test!) - I will test again tomorrow unless my tempis down AND I am bbleeding. Right this moment I am feeling properly crampy, so we'll see. I'll go and update my chart now. Thanks for the happy comments! Nicola, if I'm pregnant (and it sticks), I would be due September 21st according to Fertility Friend. :)
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Updates and developments!
I cannot believe how long it has been since I last updated!! It was September or something crazy like that! I'm so sorry! Things have been so busy and various things have happened to make life more stressful, but anyway...
Most annoying right now is the fact that our internet suddenly cut out on December 28th, and now it's January 5th (Happy New Year!) and it's STILL not working!!!! Sky can't figure it out so they are sending a new router in the post which they hope will work but that will still take until at least midweek to arrive - aaaaarrgh!!! Far more frustrating is the fact that I might actually be pregnant and have not been able to tell my dear old bloggy friends! You guys know how crazily obsessive I tend to be about post-ovulatory/early pregnancy symptoms, but let me tell you, I have nearly been going out of my mind with having no-one to share it with!! Neil and I used Christmas money this afternoon to buy a smart phone (or whatever they're called - I am so not technology-savvy!), and I have finally figured it out enough to use it to first update my chart (having not charted a single thing since Elijah was born), then check for any urgent emails, and finally relieve my pent-up-ness at this blog. I haven't even got as far as Facebook yet but I will.
Soooo.... Elijah turned 7 months old on December 27th!! He is so precious! He is still the teeniest of my babies by quite a way, but also the earliest for developmental stages and motor skills. He was sitting unsupported while still 4 months old, crawling while still 5 months old, and pulling himself to stand at furniture at 6 months old! He just started cruising like a tiny, doddery, extremely adorable old man, two days ago. So proud of my clever tiny boy! :) He has the most lovely soft sticky-up hair and the sweetest smile (no teeth yet, but none of mine have had teeth at his age yet - Matthew was the earliest at 7.5 months). I would post a recent pic if I could, but I'll have to wait until our proper internet is back up for that.
Ow, this thumby typing for ages is hurting my hand! I will have to try and make this more brief!
So, for the first time, no charting. I have no idea what my cycles have been doing. I have made mental note of when a period begins, but not taken note of how long my cycles are or when during those cycles I am ovulating. I visually note fertile signs as they occur, but not much more than that, and I haven't temped at all - very unusual for me!
Getting to the point then (!), my last period (I think my 4th so far, and they have all felt quite long to me) started on December 3rd, and I was noticing EWCM by Christmas Day or the day after. Parsnips occurred on the 29th and I promptly ovulated a couple of hours later, going by the change in intensity of ovulation pain, which had actually been particularly bad and lasted several days this cycle. Sure enough, my temp was up the nexmorning, had a little dip the next day, and has since climbed steadily ever since!
I am now at the end of the day at 7DPO and going out of my miiiind over the fact that I'm 7DPO with climbing temps after parsnips on the day of ovulation. Now, I know that I've conceived before at 7 months post-partum and my luteal phase has been too short to maintain things, and that could happen again, if I am even pregnant.
I do feel pregnant, so far, early though it is. I have had a horrible headache at 4dpo, the typethat I really only get eeither when I am pregnant, or the day before my period arrives.I expected my period after that really, but at the same time I felt like surely it was too early to get my period just yet? That same day I felt generally crampy, really quite nauseous, and kept having hot flashing pains in my left breast. The next day, 5dpo, the headache went away, but the crampy feeling continued, and I also noticed I felt dizzy at times, and was much more bothered with the same stabby breast pain, but on both sides this time.
I have been generally more irritable than usual, even for my norm this early in my luteal phase, and of major note to me is the fact that I've been exceptionally tired for the last three nights (tonight is the fourth, but I'm battling it like the nutcase I am so that I can write this! For me, this particular type of completely wiped-out feeling is something I'm only familiar with from the day before my period shows up (on rare occasions, two days), or during early pregnancy. It was my biggest clue when I finally figured out that I was pregnant with Elijah, so hmmm....
The only other thing of note is that I have had a sudden taste in my mouth the last two days. The first day it was vinegary chips, and this morning it was vanilla wafers, for some bizarre reason! I feel heavy and slightly crampy most of the time, which could be pregnancy or pre-menstrual, I guess. Last night we had waffles for dinner, and in the night I woke up dreaming of noise which I couldn't switch off which was actually nausea, and my room seemed to be abnormally strongly perfumed with the smell of waffles. I felt really sick for a while before I could go back to sleep. I've had some queasiness every day lately.
I am excited and happy about the thought of being pregnant again so soon, although I am also more anxious than before because there is just so much going on for us at the moment. I would still never (ever) prevent pregnancy just because I have a lot on my plate, and fully trust that God knows what He is doing.
Tomorrow will be 8dpo. If my temp drops then I will probably get my period and that will give me a 7-day luteal phase, which might be in the realms of norm at 7 months post-partum, but I would have thought maybe a bit longer by now? Anyway, I will see what happens with my temp in the morning. 8dpo is a bit crazy early to start peeing on sticks, but I've done stranger things in my time, and I have leftover cheapy tests from before Elijah,so who can say! ;)
I will update tomorrow - it's crazy late now and I need to go to bed.
Most annoying right now is the fact that our internet suddenly cut out on December 28th, and now it's January 5th (Happy New Year!) and it's STILL not working!!!! Sky can't figure it out so they are sending a new router in the post which they hope will work but that will still take until at least midweek to arrive - aaaaarrgh!!! Far more frustrating is the fact that I might actually be pregnant and have not been able to tell my dear old bloggy friends! You guys know how crazily obsessive I tend to be about post-ovulatory/early pregnancy symptoms, but let me tell you, I have nearly been going out of my mind with having no-one to share it with!! Neil and I used Christmas money this afternoon to buy a smart phone (or whatever they're called - I am so not technology-savvy!), and I have finally figured it out enough to use it to first update my chart (having not charted a single thing since Elijah was born), then check for any urgent emails, and finally relieve my pent-up-ness at this blog. I haven't even got as far as Facebook yet but I will.
Soooo.... Elijah turned 7 months old on December 27th!! He is so precious! He is still the teeniest of my babies by quite a way, but also the earliest for developmental stages and motor skills. He was sitting unsupported while still 4 months old, crawling while still 5 months old, and pulling himself to stand at furniture at 6 months old! He just started cruising like a tiny, doddery, extremely adorable old man, two days ago. So proud of my clever tiny boy! :) He has the most lovely soft sticky-up hair and the sweetest smile (no teeth yet, but none of mine have had teeth at his age yet - Matthew was the earliest at 7.5 months). I would post a recent pic if I could, but I'll have to wait until our proper internet is back up for that.
Ow, this thumby typing for ages is hurting my hand! I will have to try and make this more brief!
So, for the first time, no charting. I have no idea what my cycles have been doing. I have made mental note of when a period begins, but not taken note of how long my cycles are or when during those cycles I am ovulating. I visually note fertile signs as they occur, but not much more than that, and I haven't temped at all - very unusual for me!
Getting to the point then (!), my last period (I think my 4th so far, and they have all felt quite long to me) started on December 3rd, and I was noticing EWCM by Christmas Day or the day after. Parsnips occurred on the 29th and I promptly ovulated a couple of hours later, going by the change in intensity of ovulation pain, which had actually been particularly bad and lasted several days this cycle. Sure enough, my temp was up the nexmorning, had a little dip the next day, and has since climbed steadily ever since!
I am now at the end of the day at 7DPO and going out of my miiiind over the fact that I'm 7DPO with climbing temps after parsnips on the day of ovulation. Now, I know that I've conceived before at 7 months post-partum and my luteal phase has been too short to maintain things, and that could happen again, if I am even pregnant.
I do feel pregnant, so far, early though it is. I have had a horrible headache at 4dpo, the typethat I really only get eeither when I am pregnant, or the day before my period arrives.I expected my period after that really, but at the same time I felt like surely it was too early to get my period just yet? That same day I felt generally crampy, really quite nauseous, and kept having hot flashing pains in my left breast. The next day, 5dpo, the headache went away, but the crampy feeling continued, and I also noticed I felt dizzy at times, and was much more bothered with the same stabby breast pain, but on both sides this time.
I have been generally more irritable than usual, even for my norm this early in my luteal phase, and of major note to me is the fact that I've been exceptionally tired for the last three nights (tonight is the fourth, but I'm battling it like the nutcase I am so that I can write this! For me, this particular type of completely wiped-out feeling is something I'm only familiar with from the day before my period shows up (on rare occasions, two days), or during early pregnancy. It was my biggest clue when I finally figured out that I was pregnant with Elijah, so hmmm....
The only other thing of note is that I have had a sudden taste in my mouth the last two days. The first day it was vinegary chips, and this morning it was vanilla wafers, for some bizarre reason! I feel heavy and slightly crampy most of the time, which could be pregnancy or pre-menstrual, I guess. Last night we had waffles for dinner, and in the night I woke up dreaming of noise which I couldn't switch off which was actually nausea, and my room seemed to be abnormally strongly perfumed with the smell of waffles. I felt really sick for a while before I could go back to sleep. I've had some queasiness every day lately.
I am excited and happy about the thought of being pregnant again so soon, although I am also more anxious than before because there is just so much going on for us at the moment. I would still never (ever) prevent pregnancy just because I have a lot on my plate, and fully trust that God knows what He is doing.
Tomorrow will be 8dpo. If my temp drops then I will probably get my period and that will give me a 7-day luteal phase, which might be in the realms of norm at 7 months post-partum, but I would have thought maybe a bit longer by now? Anyway, I will see what happens with my temp in the morning. 8dpo is a bit crazy early to start peeing on sticks, but I've done stranger things in my time, and I have leftover cheapy tests from before Elijah,so who can say! ;)
I will update tomorrow - it's crazy late now and I need to go to bed.
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