One week old already!

A whole week has gone by! I can't believe my tiny girl is a week old already! I have been gradually adding to my birth story (in draft), bit by bit as I've had a moment, and each day I'm getting a little more done. I really want to write a proper full birth story this time, as I haven't really got round to it that last two times, although at least I did write a birth story to some degree for them. I keep thinking I'll write it TODAY and post it! But I'm being really long-winded with the detail, and enjoying doing that, and there are only short times when I have both my hands free for typing. I can't stand typing when I have only one hand to do it with, and a lot to say! ;) Hence no updates until now.

Right now, Lydia is sleeping on the bed next to me, wrapped up in a little fleece blanket. She's been asleep for an hour or so, and I've managed to email some photos to my parents (at last!) and have a long talk with Neil, but I've only just now realised I could have been finishing my birth story!! When I came to do it, I decided I probably won't have long now before Lydia wakes up, so I will just throw in a quick general update here for now instead. With photos, if I can get those up in time! :)

Here's a photo taken on the 25th, so I guess she was 2 days old (though she was born at almost midnight on the 23rd, so she wasn't quite that old yet!) - I was holding her in my lap, fast asleep, and just GAZING at her, and marvelling that she's REAL, and she's here and she's mine! I just couldn't believe it, it was such an amazing feeling! So I took a photo to capture the memory of the moment:

And here's a photo of her from earlier that day. She wasn't all that settled so most of the photos I took didn't turn out great, but I took them to show my mum how she looked in purple/lavender - my mum is shopping!! :)

I am SO enjoying the girly clothes!! :) Lydia doesn't have a big selection of clothes in her current size - MUCH to my delight, she did fit the tiny baby size clothes after all! :) She only weighed 7lbs 5oz at birth, and "tiny baby" fits up to 7lbs 8oz, but some brands are quite generous as well. There's absolutely no point in me putting her in the newborn size (up to 10lbs) because they swamp her, and the shoulders slip off her tiny slender shoulders, etc! Bless her, she's so tiny! I adore having tiny babies - I like big chubbly babies too, but when I have a tiny one, I get to have both! ;) They start tiny and go through the bigger, chubbier stage after that. Even though she's near the top end of the weight range for the tiny baby size clothes, some of them are still a bit big on her. As far as the million cute little outfits go, nearly all of them are size newborn or above, so right now she has some sweet little girly sleepsuits, a couple of dungaree outfits and lots of whites and unisex stuff that the boys have worn (I confess I haven't put her in a single unisex outfit yet! ;) ). She has long arms though, and the sleeves on the tiny baby size clothes are a bit short. Many of the boys have had long arms as new babies too, with the same issue with clothes. Neil has longer than average arms, so it's his doing! ;)

Lydia has Neil's hands and feet - she has SUCH long fingers! Her fingernails were really long when she was born as well, and in the first two days she was quite unsettled and didn't sleep much. She breastfed almost all the time, and if she wasn't feeding she was crying, and the unsettled thing meant that she scratched her face a bit, and I had to put her in a sleepsuit with those foldover sleeves so that she couldn't scratch herself. I am always so nervous about cutting new baby nails! They are still long, but she isn't scratching herself at all. In fact, she's such a totally calm and laid-back baby now.

For the first two nights I really didn't get any sleep - none at all the first night, but for 30 minutes near the end of it, I think. Lydia fussed and was unsettled all the time, and I was a bit uncomfy from the birth still. The second night I didn't get to sleep until 3 or so in the morning, and I was starting to feel a bit frantic and desperate about getting some sleep by then! She was feeding or crying, or seeming uncomfy in her tummy all the time. Then suddenly she slept a couple of hours straight and so did I, thankfully.

I wrote the last entry here the next day, and by the end of that day, I could tell my milk was comimg in. My breasts were much more full and heavy, and I was delighted to get instant liquid when I did a quick check by hand expressing. Lydia took long swallows when she fed and seemed more settled, so I figured she must have been hungry for more than colostrum by the time the milk arrived! :) Well I think that was confirmed that night, as the two of us slept for TEN HOURS!! Such a difference compared with the nights before! Not ten hours straight of course - she woke to feed several times, but soooo peacefully. I was brought to by the sweetest thing - a pair of tiny rosebud lips sort of "pecking" hopefully at the side of my breast! Even half asleep, I still completely melted at the cuteness of it! :) No sounds with the sweet pecking as such, and I only had to position myself a bit better, tummy to tummy with my sweetie-pea, latch her on, and fall asleep again! She must have fallen asleep as she took her fill because the next thing I knew, there was that darling nibbly-nibbly thing going on again and the clock said it was 2 or 3 hours later. So lovely! :)

And since then, Lydia has been a different baby! Calm, relaxed, easy-going... She feeds plenty, and sleeps when she isn't feeding, usually for 2-3 hours at a time. I know it's still early days, but I'm hoping she'll stay laid-back and happy! She has alert times as well, for a short little while before sleeping again.

Here is a photo of her being peacefully asleep the day after my milk came in (look how long her fingers are!!):

That night I got photos of Arthur and Matthew holding Lydia at bedtime. They all love her SO much! Arthur is especially taken with her and constantly asks to hold her. The first time I handed her over to him, I was astounded by how confidently he handled her! He just took her from me in a second, no hesitation or awkwardness about where to put his hands or how to pick her up. He handled her like an adult, and an experienced one at that! Look at him loving his baby sister... :)

And here's Matthew holding her. Nathan was patiently waiting his turn, bless him - sooo keen to hold her and have his photo taken too, but things were melting down in the bedroom and Neil needed everyone to come to bed NOW, in the end, so Nathey had to wait until the next day.

And there's much more to write, but Lydia is awake and fussing now so I will stop, post this, and hope to add more tomorrow.

Thanks for all the lovely comments and congrats! :)

Lydia is here! :)

I had a baby!!! :D I wrote this last night (she was born the night before - 13 minutes to midnight on Wednesday 23rd October) but I REALLY wanted to write about her birth with it, otherwise I knew i would struggle to actually get around to it if I just did a quick birth announcement here first. But alas, I never did get time to finish the birth story part, so I cut it out of this post and pasted it in draft form in a new post. Hopefully I'll get chance to finish it soon and post it separately.

Anyway! Baby news, yay!! Lydia Jane was born at home on Wednesday 23rd October, at 11.47pm. She weighs 7lbs 5oz (3315g) and measures 51cm (20 inches) long. Here are three photos which I took at lunch time the next day (yesterday) at about 13 hours old - first opportunity with enough daylight and Lydia actually sleeping and not feeding or crying! ;)

Labour and birth went well, no complications, tiny first degree tear which didn't need stitches, exactly the birth I hoped for with zero direction and me feeling like a ROCK STAR immediately afterwards (I think I did actually say to everyone within 20 seconds of pushing her out, "I rock!!!" lol!). She's HERE, and oh she's a GIRL, really and truly (I keep checking!), and all the boys are so ecstatic, and we love her. She cries a LOT and seems uncomfy in her tummy quite a bit, and it groans horribly like she has wind or gunk or something she can't shift. She feeds most of the time, and hasn't let me sleep much more than a few hours in the almost-48 since she arrived, but hey ho, I am able to rest up in bed, and I feel pretty good.

More soon! I'm eager to share more detail, just finding the time is difficult since she is in my arms all the time and if I put her down she doesn't stay asleep for long - see, she is now making little squeally snorty noises and NOT looking happy! ;) So I will pick her up and feed her again. My milk isn't in yet, but I would think it might come in tomorrow sometime, or even overnight if it gets a move on. Sometimes my milk has been in by now, with other babies, so it shouldn't be long since she's feeding a lot of the time. Okay, cross baby - going now! :) Thanks for the comments and for keeping up, especially since I've kept you waiting if you don't know me at Facebook! Sorry! :/

I will post the birth story and more photos soon!

40 weeks!! Due today! :)

Yay, I've arrived!! Allllll these weeks and months, and I've finally arrived at the coveted date on the calendar - October 22nd 2013, my due date!

And no baby yet! ;)

I guess the sweep didn't work for me this time, as the 24 hours have elapsed without me being in labour. I have been SORE all day,  not as I expected in my cervix and general nether regions, but like pre-labour in my lower back and bump. My lower back feels like a constant period cramp, allll day long. It hasn't let up at all, and most of the time my lower bump (underneath) feels the same, like a dull period cramp. That's all encouraging, but it hasn't progressed to anything, and is still exactly the same, just sore. It's hard to move about at all with this kind of discomfort, but I'm getting on with it. Because nothing was happening, Neil went to work this morning, which was a bit of a disappointment, especially since I was sore and really really REALLY not in the mindset to get on with a normal day of parenting my little ones on my own.

Matthew spilled some orange juice at breakfast time, and I lost my temper INSTANTLY and shouted at him in such a horrid way! :( I felt so bad, even seconds later as I was wiping it up, and he looked taken aback. I apologised, but then went out of the kitchen to calm down and became unexpectedly really tearful and felt absolutely torn up inside, like I'd done something DREADFUL that I could never forgive myself for! When he came out of the kitchen I called him over to me and gave him a cuddle and said I was so sorry and I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, and he said, "I forgive you, Mummy." and went off happily, but it took me a while to get over the hurty feelings inside. :( I guess I have hormones!

After that I really tried to pull myself together for the rest of the day ahead - it was a good kick up the backside for me, and the rest of the day went MUCH better. I have had Braxton Hicks contractions all day, but randomly and just here and there mostly. Sometimes several in a row, especially when breastfeeding Elijah (lots of times today as he refused to settle for his nap twice, and then finally went down in the afternoon instead, woke grumpy (the joys of afternoon naps versus morning ones!) and thus wanted to breastfeed a lot in the afternoon) - breastfeeding actually produced some pretty good contractions, and most of them have hurt somewhat because I'm already sore and crampy, but otherwise they haven't been real labour contractions or anything, and they've faded off quickly.

This evening I had got the boys ready for bed when Neil came home from work, and he was just sorting out all the toothbrushes for the next stage of bedtime prep. I was sitting on the sofa with Matthew, and he was talking to me about something when Benjamin came over and interrupted. I asked him to wait and he immediately melted down into a mega tantrum right in my ear (this is typical of Benjamin lately, and rather wearing!), and at that moment I started to have what I thought was a Braxton Hicks contraction, but quickly became aware that I couldn't stand Benjamin's noise or movement next to me. I got very firm with him and he moved away, but then Matthew resumed talking about what he had been telling me before, calmly and normally, and I realised that the contraction was intense like the previous ones hadn't been. It felt like a proper labour contraction, hot and painful and too tight, and I discovered I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying at all until it was passing. So that's new! But that was that - no more after it. Odd.

Putting them to bed was difficult because of how sore and uncomfy I was, and afterwards I came downstairs and sat on the sofa to relax a bit. I had felt all day like I was too busy for my body to be able to "concentrate" on going into labour, like the busy-ness of running around after 6 kiddies was actually going to be a preventative thing for labour. It doesn't sound rational, but all day that's how I felt. I kept myself busy with productive things, the usual stuff with the boys, and then I made 3 dozen chocolate chip cookies, and a lemon cake with icing and sprinkles! :) I may have eaten a few cookies... ;) The boys were ecstatic about this, and those cookies will not last long: 6 boys + 1 snack time + 1 dessert after dinner = 1 dozen cookies less already! Plus the, ahem, *few* I ate. I think they'll all be gone by the end of tomorrow! Kind of hoping that there will be a reason for some of them to be eaten by the odd midwife or two before then...

Anyway, this evening I have had Braxton Hicks fairly constantly, which I'm not surprised by. They are sore and tight, not necessarily because they are early labour or progressing anywhere, but probably more because I am just feeling constantly periody even without contractions. It's not mild period-type pain either. I'm trying to remember if I have had this before in previous pregnancies at this stage, and I think feeling crampy and periody has happened before, but I don't recall it being this bad or for this long without something happening. I've been checking my pantyliner every time I go to the toilet, and to my surprise I haven't had the slightest spot of any sort since my sweep! Not a thing, and no show of any sort either. I had a little bleeding at the actual sweep, so I was expecting to at least see a little spotting afterwards, but nope! At least now I'm past the 24 hours, if I have a show (particuarly a bloody show) now, it will mean something again! :)

I am feeling a bit yucky and queasy this evening, and tried to eat dinner but just did not want it, so I ended up leaving it. I don't want to push things if labour is around the corner - lots of women throw up in early labour (or later even), and especially after trying to eat something. I always err on the side of caution given my anxiety about vomiting, and eat NOTHING once I know I'm heading into labour, even very early on. So if I'm crampy and stuff, and feeling queasy and my tummy just says NO to what I'm trying to eat, I will not eat! I'll get hungry if I need food, I'm sure, so it's fine.

Right now I am going to go to bed - or maybe have a quick bath to see if it helps my crampy backache before I get in bed... That might be a good idea, and it's what Heather would recommend I'm sure.

I have never laboured at night before, except when I was induced late in the day with Nathan. Naturally, I haven't done that. I prefer daytime labour! Night time makes me feel uneasy for some reason. BUT, having said that, it's so quiet and undisturbed at night, and there's so much chaos in the house during the day to distract me, even behind closed doors upstairs. There always has been with homebirths, but obviously more so with each new baby, as there are more kiddies downstairs to make noise! ;) So I wonder if my body might choose to do that after all this time? There is a sense of relief thinking that the boys would all be quietly sleeping, and my labours are pretty quick now so HOW LOVELY it would be to put them to bed at night, and when they wake up they have a new baby sister?!! Arthur told me that would be so lovely, tonight at bedtime. He is constantly asking me (like every 2 hours) if I have any signs of Lydia coming yet. It's driving me a liiiittle bit crazy, but so far I'm tolerating it okay! ;) He says he just can't help asking all the time, because he's just so excited and constantly wondering if it might be today, or tonight, or tomorrow. I am starting to find the question, "Mummy, when do you think she'll come?!" a bit wearing now though, as I can't answer it! I always answer the same (along the lines of I don't know, or, there's no way to know when, only God knows her birthday, we'll have to wait and see, etc.) but the question is still asked many times a day all the same! If I'm still here waiting in a week, that is going to be one question that pushes my buttons just TOO much, even from my sweet eager children, I think! ;)

I am happy waiting at the moment, after my initial "blip" this morning, eager to meet her and have the labour and birth over with (looking forward to it in other ways too, though!), but also just happy to wait until the day that God chose arrives. I know that will change as the week goes by, because Heather is available only until Saturday, and MAYBE Sunday until late afternoon, if she gets enough preparation done before then, for her craft fair. IF. Sarah, the back-up doula, is on call for me officially from Sunday, and Heather is busy for a full week from that point. So I know I am going to find it almost impossible to relax about still not having gone into labour as the weekend approaches - even though I know it's a good possibility with my history. I will only be 40 weeks and 5 days on Sunday, and I have had two babies beyond that time, and two more only the day before that point, so... I am so hoping and praying that I won't need to worry about it by then though, and that I'll be snuggling my new baby girl instead! :) I am putting it out of my head until then - no point thinking on it now. Who knows what tomorrow or the next day will bring, and I'm SO crampy, that I hope either that eases off or turns into something SOON, because it's really really sore and uncomfortable. In my personal experience, it's pre-labourish, not late-pregnancy-ish. But I'm often proven wrong by my own body, haha! ;) So we'll see.

I meant to do a belly pic for my due date, but it's late and I'm too sore to be bothered to go upstairs for my camera! :P So hopefully I'll still get one done before she's born, but not today. I am having another painful Braxton Hicks contraction right now and it's distracting (yay!), but I'm going to try having a bath to see if things will ease up so I'm more comfy for sleep. I will update tomorrow! :)

39 weeks and 6 days - midwife appt update

[Started late afternoon, finished late evening!] Just a quick post in case I don't feel up to it later. The midwife has been this afternoon, and done my due date antenatal check. Urine was fine, blood pressure was 94/60 (pretty low!) but she said I haven't been drinking enough (true), so I'm trying to drink more now and hopefully it'll come up a little. It's low for me! But low is good. :)

Heather was here for the appointment too, and Neil stayed home and took the boys out to the park as they arrived for the appt. The boys have been a NIGHTMARE today, really really impossible and rude and going out of their way to cause trouble - the older kids more than the younger ones, frustratingly. Urgh.

We've cleaned a bit more in my room, and cleared everything that isn't birth supplies out of the room. I still have to hang the curtains back up that I washed, but otherwise the room is nice and ready for having a baby in! :) I hope everything goes smoothly and that I will have a homebirth. I love having homebirths!

Mandi felt my tummy and immediately commented on how the baby feels like she's grown since last time, which was nice! I do feel like both she and I have had a big growth spurt this past week! My tummy seems so much more round and large just today and yesterday, and I feel awkward moving about in any way, even just getting up from sitting and walking across the room.

Lydia is still head down, and still 3/5 of her head palpable above my pubic bone, so she's nice and stable. She had her back on my right side for the appt and feet pushing out on the left. She does change sides now and then, but is nearly always with her back on my left side and feet pushing out to the right. She IS bigger, but the bump measurement still came out as only 37.5cm (which correlates to the number of weeks pregnant, so the bump measurement is small for my gestation). It has come up from 36cm at 38 weeks though, and we know that she was growing fine at the scan I had then. Her heartrate was 135 to 140, what it has ALWAYS always been every single time I have ever had it checked from about 20 weeks onwards! Such a steady girlie! :)

Then Mandi asked if I wanted to go ahead with the sweep, and I said yes. It wasn't so bad. Heather held my hand, but it didn't really hurt, it was just uncomfortable. I am 2cm dilated, and my cervix is soft but fairly thick still - she wrote 1cm thick in my notes, so there is still some effacing to be done yet. It starts out at about 4cm thick though, so there has been some progress! ;) Mandi said my cervix was favourable enough for a sweep, so I said okay. She checked Lydia's heartrate again afterwards in case the sweep bothered her, but although her little feet were shovelling about a bit, her heartrate was still 135 to 140, so she was happy and unbothered by it! :) Hopefully she'll be this laid-back about labour and birth as well.

So now I wait. Mandi is on call tonight and working tomorrow, but then that's it until Saturday I think. There is a 30-40% chance of a sweep "working" - that is, starting labour within 24 hours. My own personal stats on it are good, but I know it doesn't mean a thing really. I also won't know if any bleeding is a bloody show (exciting!) or just the side-effects of the sweep (UNexciting!). She did mention that there was some blood from the sweep, but that's normal and I may have spotting for a bit today, and I shouldn't worry about it.

Last night I had nosebleeds in the night! I couldn't sleep until crazy late again, and then woke a fair bit, as I was a bit sneezy and allergy-ish. At one point I woke and my nose was itchy so I just instinctively pressed my nostril shut on the itchy side, and then felt this "swill" of hot fluid, so sat up quickly. Yeurgh. I never get nosebleeds that run or pour, in my whole life, except for during Arthur's pregnancy, but that was due to a pregnancy polyp which (very rare!) grew in my nostril and ended up blocking it and needed surgical removal at 36 weeks! It was really prone to bleeding, and I'm suddenly paranoid that another one is growing this time around, however extremely rare it was to have it happen before. There doesn't seem to be anything there though, and I have had little nosebleeds a few weeks ago when I was at the end of a cold and blowing my nose a lot - not running nosebleeds though. It took a while to stop last night, and wasn't very nice, and then I didn't sleep well because I was anxious about how I should lie and trying to make sure nothing put pressure on my nose. I woke a couple of hours later and touched my nose by mistake and the pouring nosebleed started all over again. Weird, and not fun! I was worried that it would be an ongoing problem during labour, but I've been really careful with it today and so far no new bleeding. It's difficult as I'm a bit sneezy and my nose is running a bit (allergy to something or other), but I daren't blow or wipe it! Awkward! :/ Hopefully it'll heal up and I won't have another episode of it tonight (or during labour, whenever that might be). I hate nosebleeds!

Well, it's now really late, and I need to go to bed, so I haven't got time to write any more really. By the boys' bedtime I was really feeling sore in my bump and lower back, and didn't want to move around much at all. I was having Braxton Hicks quite a bit but they hurt - I think because I'm generally sore and aggravated, probably, rather than because they're early labour contractions.

Elijah wouldn't go to sleep tonight. He had his usual nap late morning, and then they went to the park and he fell asleep on the way home (around 5.30pm). If he naps later than 3pm it's ALWAYS bad news for bedtime! He did that last week one day and was up until 10.30pm or something crazy, despite our efforts to get him to sleep. Tonight was different. Once the others were trying to get to sleep around 8pm, he had to go downstairs with Neil so he didn't disturb them. This is usual, but usually he's tired and goes off in Neil's arms while he walks Elijah about to some music. Tonight he cried and screamed and sobbed, REALLY distressed. After I finished putting the others to bed, I came down and gave him a cuddle, took him back up to bed and breastfed him, but he was still wide awake and wanting to climb all over his brothers' beds, so back down we went. He screamed and cried in the same distressed way for a total of about 3 hours straight this evening. It's 11.20pm now and Neil just took him upstairs asleep in his arms (at last) to put him into bed a few minutes ago (hence I can now go online and finish this!). He had snuggles with me on the sofa and various breastfeeds (all of which gave me some good strong Braxton Hicks contractions!), but basically it got too sore for me to continue after a while, or he'd want to get down and wander about and Neil and I are both really tired and couldn't just sit up with him while he played into the night! So we continued with the walking, feeding, etc. to try and settle him. Poor boy cried and screamed until he was nearly sick, but he was always in arms. Not like him... We turned all the lights off in the house eventually and walked him in the dark kitchen while the tumble dryer was running. It's like being back in the newborn colic days with him tonight - he seems okay in himself, just distressed about the sleep thing tonight. Maybe it's relevant to pre-labour things - that's why I'm writing about it. I remember after my sweep with Samuel, Benjamin spent most of the night crying, waking frequently and wanting me all night long. I couldn't go to him because I was back and forth to the loo with diarrhoea and other such lovely pre-labour fun! ;) I am hoping for none of that this time!

I did feel like my bowel was very uncomfy along with the general post-sweep discomfort and such, and went to the loo in the end this evening, and now I feel less uncomfy in that department, so that's good. I really need to get some sleep now, as I'm tired out. I have a sinking feeling about tomorrow, that I'll wake in the morning with a quiet womb (been there, done that!), and Neil will go to work, and my kids will be impossible to manage, and Elijah will be sleep deprived to a crazy degree, and I'll still feel really uncomfy and exhausted... Not sure how much I want to take part in that day, right now! :/ Plus it's always so discouraging when a sweep doesn't work, especially if there's a big reason (like Heather only being around for a few more days!!!).

Ah well. My nose still feels funny and "delicate" like I still need to be careful or it'll bleed again. It was horrid last night, so I'm really hoping for a nosebleed-free night tonight. I'm going to bed now, and will update tomorrow, no doubt - whatever happens! :)

39 weeks and 5 days - nearly there! :)

Here I am again for a general update! :) Still pregnant, of course! The full moon finished yesterday and had no effect on me as usual! ;)

A couple of nights ago I asked people on Facebook to send me links to really lovely positive birth stories, preferably homebirths. I know there are a zillion positive hospital birth stories out there, and ones with interventions, pain relief, etc. But I really need to read stories that are all about totally 100% natural birth, the way it was meant to be, you know? No hospitals, no machines, no pain relief, just getting in tune with your body, going with it without anyone intervening or interrupting the process, and being somewhere familiar (ideally) like home. That's how I do birth, and I was nervous about how I do birth (!) so I wanted to read some soothing stories to get my mindset right again. I really wasn't enjoying NOT looking forward to labour and birth, and wanted to get to that place of feeling eager and excited to give birth. I didn't want to go into labour with a sense of dread.

Well, I got a lovely link from an online friend which took me to a blog written by a professional photographer/videographer. She does all sorts, but especially births, and there are some lovely births on her website (under "clients"). I ended up watching them all, and it was so lovely! Most were home waterbirths. Some were just photos, but there were several videos. The link I was sent was to a video titled "Welcoming Theodore", which is SO GORGEOUS that everyone must watch it! Anyway, the end result is that I went to bed that night feeling much more at peace and soothed over the thought of birth - hooray! :) I kept thinking of those pictures and videos the next day (yesterday), planning to watch them again if I needed to come the evening, but I didn't. Tonight I went to church on my own, for the evening service. I haven't been in a few weeks and have missed it - we're trying to avoid germs these last few weeks! Samuel STILL has a cough from the last cold, but everyone else seems finally well. I really wanted to go and make sure my focus was freshly on God for the week ahead, and worship God with others, and receive some prayer. The bonus was that Heather was going, so it was nice to be with her, more so than usual - comforting somehow, because of the stage I've got to, maybe? Anyway, I had a lovely time and really felt God pouring peace into me during the worship time. I went forward for prayer, actually the whole church did tonight! Everyone was prayed for, and the lady who prayed for me said she had a picture in her mind when she prayed, of my house. She didn't know my house at all, but she saw Jesus standing in the centre of my home, in the kitchen or living room (the centre of my home is right between those two rooms). She saw the activities of our days as a sort of sped-up time-lapse type video, high speed blurs of children's antics, meals, activities, discipline issues, bedtimes, etc. All whizzing about, but with Jesus standing still right there in the centre of it all. She said she felt it was about the fact that Jesus was RIGHT THERE with me in my home at all times. That he is always there to call upon for whatever is going on in my home at any time. I told her (she didn't know, apart from that I was obviously very pregnant!) that I was due to have my baby at home in just a few days, and I had been really really anxious about the birth. I am so thankful for that image, as I will try to hold onto it when I'm in labour, and hopefully it will be really helpful to me.

This weekend has been pretty good for getting things checked off the to-do list. We are finally down to a list that's about 2/3 of an A4 sheet of paper long! :) That feels good, considering the length of the lists I've written every weekend back to the middle of September!

This weekend we have worked mainly on cleaning. The weather has been soooo damp and cold and rainy, and the humidity in the house so high with the tumble dryer NEVER STOPPING, and my room (where I'm planning to have a baby) hasn't been actually CLEANED in absolutely ages. So I noticed that it was starting to smell mildewy, ew! :/ Neil cleaned the walls from top to bottom with a specialist mould/mildew cleaner which we have since aired out with the window wide open! I had allergies sleeping in there last night, so today Neil rinsed the walls down again today. It smells normal in there now! :) I've cleaned all the furniture and washed the curtains hot enough to kill dust mites. They need hanging still, but I don't mind sleeping without curtains tonight. I polyfilled the holes in the wall from shelves that were taken down YEARS ago, and the ones in the bathroom that certain children have been digging with pencils (sigh), and then I painted over the dry, sanded polyfilla this afternoon. It feels great to get that done! :)

My "in case" hospital bag is packed, the homebirth supplies are piled in two bags and a washing up tub (!) by the radiator at the foot of my bed, and Lydia's clothes are neatly folded into the chest of drawers by my bed. Yesterday I took a bath when the boys were at the park with Neil. I rarely get chance to do any sort of pampering, but yesterday I had such an urge to get myself ready for birth in a pampering sort of way. I shaved my legs (gasp!) and underarms, and exfoliated my feet. I cut my toenails, removed the old nail polish, and applied two coats of soft pearlescent pink. It seemed appropriate, and just exactly the colour I felt like wearing on my toes for my baby girl's arrival! :) I didn't feel like adding sparkles, unlike last time round with Elijah. Pearly pink is perfect this time!

I used cocoa butter silk moisturiser from my knees down and paid particular attention to my feet, as they get neglected and are usually all dry and rough! I had so much fun! :) I really want to cut my hair, because it has got SO long suddenly, and it looks straggly and out of condition (because it is), but I don't think I will get time to do that. The poor boys are a higher priority for their haircuts, and I am not sure if I'll get to theirs either! The shaggiest boys are Arthur, Matthew, and Nathan. Samuel just had a haircut, and Benjamin's was only a few weeks ago. Elijah's was cut a few weeks ago too, but could do with another as it's getting longer in the back now. I know it will be many weeks before I am able to get around to haircuts again after Lydia is born, so I really want to fit it in before she's born... but I'm doubtful about it right now. I've lost the clippers so using scissors only is going to make it a much longer job!

I freecycled a pushchair that we no longer need today, and that felt good too! Neil cleared the landing at the top of the stairs (there were some things waiting to go in the loft), and cleaned cobwebs from high places, and did wonders in the kitchen with the cluttered surfaces! :) The only things I need to do before having a baby are to clear the small piles of clutter at the corner bend in the stairs. The midwives get fidgetty about stuff there, in case I need to be "stretchered out" in case of emergency, from upstairs. I also want to declutter the surfaces in the living room, just because it looks messy and I hate it looking messy, especially when lots of people are going to be in and out of our house pretty soon!

There are a few more things I want to freecycle, to get rid of them quickly. I am freecycling our old bouncy chair as it's a bit tired and old now, and - slightly embarrassed to admit this in public! - it's dark blue with animals on. I am tempted by a pink replacement, but I am going to be sensible and replace it with a gender neutral bouncy chair, which is light in colour and has a vibrate function (apparently vital for my babies, especially if colicky!). Then I have somewhere to put my sweetie down in the early months when I have to attend to something and a big brother can watch her. I don't do at all well with baby wearing, much as I love the idea. I have washed the carriers and wraps that I have all the same, but I am not expecting to use them much, if at all. The Hug-a-Bub is the most likely, but I find it so frustrating when I'm wearing a baby, to be restricted from cuddling and breastfeeding my other littlest children on the spur of the moment, and also it's just much less comfy for me. It's less convenient to have to do things with one arm (constantly holding or carrying my baby in the other), but I prefer it anyway, and like the option to put the baby down instantly if I need to for a moment (hence the bouncy chair). I hope Lydia is happy with it - I always worry that they won't, and that they'll be the kind of baby who isn't happy unless attached to me in a sling, but so far I've not had any babies like that. I have had two (or three?) who hated being worn actually! ;) Anyway, bouncy chair - bidding on eBay currently! :) It's not urgent until Neil goes back to work after Lydia is born (he gets 2 weeks paternity leave), because for that time I will be blissfully occupied in my bed with my baby permanently against my front! I can't wait! How I look forward to that precious two weeks every time now! Neil is so wonderful to allow me to do it, as he has a BIG job of taking on full responsibility for 6 little boys - we started it when Benjamin was born and have done it with every baby since. I recover more quickly that way, and am way better off at 6 weeks than if I hadn't spent the first two mostly in bed with my new baby. The boys come upstairs any time, of course, and in the second week - near the end of it - I begin to venture downstairs more to ease back into things before Neil goes back to work. But Neil is fantastic. He brings me my meals in bed. He takes the boys out. He maintains the housework, to the best of his ability. He deals with bedtime for the first few nights on his own until I am up to joining in again (depends on the birth experience - last time I think I was back nursing the littlest on the 2nd night after Elijah was born). I sleep, breastfeed, eat, drink, rest, read a lot of books (I get a pile of books ready in advance, and look forward to my annual (haha!) opportunity to read for most of my pregnancy!), and do things online. Neil and I eat together in the evenings on the bed, with the sleeping baby on my front. It's such a precious time, and I am so excited to have the privilege of doing it again soon! :)

Well, tonight I am feeling very much at peace with the thought of giving birth this week. I don't TRULY trust it, but have a calm gut-feeling that it WILL be this week. Tomorrow is my midwife appointment, and I have decided to get the sweep after all. I also decided to check my own cervix after my bath yesterday, and was encouraged to actually FIND it, lol! Often I've checked my cervix at the end of pregnancy and found it discouraging because I couldn't even find it - meaning it was waaaaay up at the top or posterior (not pre-labourish, because it moves anterior for labour and birth). I couldn't reach all of it, so I couldn't ascertain dilation. I'm sure I am dilated somewhat - I can't not be, having had six babies already. The great news was that it's anterior, and very soft. Quite thick, but the softness is a very good sign. Mandi will check it anyway tomorrow before doing the sweep, as it has to be a "favourable cervix" to make it worth bothering with a sweep in the first place. 2-3cm dilated is the ideal, and soft. So I am thinking it probably IS favourable for a sweep right now. I know the sweep may well not work anyway, but I feel quietly optimistic if my cervix is ripe for it. My three previous sweeps resulted in three new babies within 24 hours, so I am hopeful. My due date is Tuesday 22nd, and since I will have a sweep at my "due date" appointment on the Monday, it's possible that I might actually have a due date baby this time! :) Wouldn't that be fun?! According to the scans I've had, TODAY is my due date, but yeah. I'm going with my own dates anyway! ;)

I have had a very quiet womb since I last updated, but today I have had more Braxton Hicks than usual, and during the church service this evening I noticed I was having uncomfortable BHs about every 10 minutes, quite regular for me. Maybe it was just that I was quiet and still for an extended period of time, so I was more able to notice them? I never have that opportunity otherwise, so that could be it. Lydia has been quieter than usual yesterday and the first part of today. She has moved enough but it hasn't been her norm. I started to get a bit concerned yesterday evening, but she started moving about as I got to that stage of thinking, so that was reassuring. Tonight she is back to more of her normal activity levels, shovelling about energetically and hurting my sides and cervix! :)

I weighed myself today as I looked in the mirror and realised I look much more "weighty" than I did a couple of weeks ago, mostly in the face. That's always a good sign that I've had a growth spurt! ;) Sure enough I now weigh 12 stone exactly, which I think is a total of 36lbs (if my starting weight was 9st 7lbs like I *think* it was). Up 8lbs from my last weigh-in, whenever that was (33 weeks??). I'm glad to be at the end of my pregnancy now, as I don't really want to gain any more after this!

I am wondering if Lydia will weigh about 8lbs? Going by the growth scan at 38 weeks (approx 6lbs 12oz), I am guessing that she has gained another half pound each week since, which would put her approaching the 8lb mark now, maybe? I can't wait to find out! :)

I had a visit from an old school friend on Friday, who has two little girls, aged 3, and 12 weeks. She brought the girls, and handed her baby girl to me straight away, saying that I needed some practice cuddling a baby girl! ;) The boys were very taken with her, and Arthur whispered to me that she was so cute that he almost wanted to keep her, and he was very glad that we were about to have a baby girl of our own! Bless his sweet heart! :) The funniest part was when my friend changed the baby's nappy on the living room floor. All six of my children crowded round and stared in amazement (the variety of expressions was hysterical!) as she had her nappy changed, even Elijah! They all know about the physical differences between girls and boys, and the proper names for those bits, etc. They've not actually SEEN the difference though, as they've only got brothers! ;) Benjamin came to me looking quite bothered, while the nappy change was still going on, whispering, "She hasn't got a willy!!" I reminded him why, but he still seemed perturbed by the actual evidence, lol! Nathan came to me later and said that he noticed she didn't have a willy, as well, but he told me he knew it was because she was a girl. Samuel and Elijah didn't say or do anything, but both wore a very disturbed expression as they watched the nappy change, lol! It was so funny to watch them! ;) Willies are very important to little boys, and it must be a TERRIBLE thing as far as they are concerned, if you don't have one! It'll soon become normal for them, I'm sure! ;)

I can't think what else... I have slept badly most nights recently. My restless leg syndrome is back to really bothersome and I have had a hard time falling asleep before 2.30am most nights. It's so QUIET without the fan on now that Elijah is in with the boys. I don't put it on because he's not there to need the white noise in case of being disturbed by his brothers (since he's in there with them now!), and also I want to hear if he needs me in the night. By 2.30am if I am still not able to sleep, I put it on the quietest setting and that seems to help me get to sleep. I guess I am too accustomed to the white noise to manage when it's properly quiet now! Shame, because going to sleep in a silent house is lovely!

Then I wake several times a night, usually because of sharp ligament pains, needing a wee, or some other random thing. Allergy bothered me all night last night, and the last two nights, Elijah has woken and cried, and not settled for Neil on one occasion each night, so I have been through to him and given him a breastfeed to settle him. He slept through the night for the TWO nights in a row before that, which is amazing for Elijah! :) He has already woken this evening and been very upset with Neil trying to settle him, so I've already breastfed him back to sleep tonight. Hopefully he'll get used to not feeding at night pretty quickly, and settling with Neil's efforts quickly too, as I can't go to him in the first few nights at least, after having a baby.

I have had a couple of nights of AWFUL trapped wind over the top of my bump, and I can't shift it for anything, so it just sits there sharp and awful, and invades my dreams if I sleep, and wakes me frequently. My bump is so big and full of baby that there isn't much room for air to shift if it's trapped - I seem to recall this from the end of previous pregnancies. Urgh. I hope and pray that I don't have that going on during labour, because it's such a sharp pain that sometimes I am not sure how to deal with it, and if I had contractions on top of it I am pretty sure I would find it unbearable! Hopefully it won't happen again tonight.

It's so hard to get up from anywhere, especially snuggling with my little ones in their beds at bedtime. The ligament pains in my sides, running round to the underside of my bump, are awful, and it's hard to shift position to get up, even if I'm reeeeally careful, without searing pain which doesn't fade away fast enough once I'm up! I still have lingering ligament pain right now from getting up from Elijah's bed 10 minutes ago. It's definitely time for my little miss to arrive! :)

Well it's late now that I've been to Elijah, so I need to go to bed (and hopefully to sleep) to be ready for tomorrow. I'm so thankful that Neil has decided to stay home from work tomorrow. He is going to take the boys out, as we were so busy cleaning today, and it absolutely poured with sideways rain as well (with thunder and lightning!) so the boys didn't go out today. I don't know what time my midwife appointment will be until she rings me in the morning to confirm - it's usually after she finishes her antenatal clinic in the afternoon, from 2 or 3pm, that she comes to do home visits, but last time she had a good window around 11am, so she came then. I am going to ask if she would mind coming in the afternoon though (after talking to Heather at church tonight) because in the past, when I've had my sweeps, they've been in the afternoons. With Matthew, I had the opportunity for a fairly good night's sleep that night before contractions started in the morning. With Samuel, contractions started within 20 minutes of the sweep, and I had a bad bad bad night of almost no sleep, painful cervix and erratic contractions, and diarrhoea and nausea all night long. The good thing was that proper labour got going from first thing in the morning and so I laboured and birthed during the day. With Elijah, I had a good night after my sweep, no contractions in the morning until I breastfed Samuel for his morning nap, and so I laboured and birthed quickly after a good rest and some breakfast. I much prefer to get a good night's sleep before dealing with labour! So I wonder - IF the sweep works - if I have a sweep in the morning, might labour be kicking in during the night and then I'll have to deal with that when my body really needs to be sleeping or resting. I would rather the sweep later in the day and the chance of some sleep that night before all the action starts, if possible. I hope it DOES work now, even though I feel apprehensive with how REALISTIC and SOON that is!!! Eep!

I have a painful contraction going on at this moment, and I had one like this about 10 minutes ago as well. Painful in that it's tight enough to feel vice-like and sore under my bump and into my groin while it's going on. That is encouraging, but I know the odd one or two don't mean anything much, on their own. I am going to bed now, and will try to update however briefly if I do go into labour before the appointment tomorrow. If I don't, I'll try to update anyway about the appointment, in the evening. I'm not sure how much I'll feel up to blogging though, so we'll see. I'll try, if there's anything to report! :)

39 weeks and 1 day!

Six days until my due date! I have finally reached 39 weeks, which is sooooo nearly there!

I've had an interesting few days. My headache continued for several days - not terrible but still a bother. The midwives have been looking after me so well! Friday, Sunday and Tuesday, a midwife has come out to me and taken my blood pressure, and my urine was checked for protein on Friday and Tuesday as well. It's fine - my blood pressure was 116/70 (great!) yesterday, and not a trace of anything untoward in my urine. I woke up yesterday with NO headache for the first time in a few days, which was lovely! Also no visual disturbances, but those hadn't continued anyway after the first day or so. About half an hour after getting up for the day yesterday, I started to have HORRIBLE back pain, low down on my left side. It went right through to the front of my bump, and I wasn't sure what to do, it was so sore! I took paracetamol which didn't do anything, and just carried on as normal, as much as I could. It didn't feel like joint pain, but it was so generalised that I couldn't be 100% sure if it was my uterus or my bowel complaining. Any time Lydia moved it hurt soooo much!

The midwife (my favourite, Mandi!) came to check my blood pressure at 11am-ish, and I asked if she'd mind checking the baby's position in case the pain could be put down to a change of lie or something. But no, she was still head down, 3/5 palpable (not quite engaged - 2/5 or less of her little head available to feel above my pubic bone is "engaged") like last time, and still with her back to my left side and feet to my right - although she does sometimes change sides. I had a bit of a show on Monday (the day before), which wasn't bloody so I did not get excited about it, but it was - sorry for the TMI - thick mucus, and enough to, um, hang somewhat when I went to the toilet (sorry, sorry!). Not my usual CM for sure! :) Nothing after that though, just normal CM, which is generally mucus-plug-y in the last few weeks for me anyway.

I told Mandi about the little "show" and about the pain in my back/front, and she said it sounded like "early signs" and that she reckoned it would be sometime in the next few days. I am not so sure! I am still only 39 weeks, and my others have all been after 40 weeks. Nathan doesn't count, at 35 weeks, because my waters broke - my body didn't go into labour and so I was induced.

So that was encouraging, if a little scary! I have been feeling SO anxious and somewhat filled with dread at the prospect of going through labour and birth again! It's just so painful, and overwhelming! There are wonderful parts to it though, and the reward is like nothing else, most especially when I have done it all by myself, so to speak - which I finally did last time! :) Awesome feeling, and so worth every second of the pain and trauma! I'm trying to fix my eyes on that, but the anxiety feeling is pretty strong. I need to pray through my prayers that Heather laminated for me when I was pregnant with Benjamin. Those are SO helpful to pray out loud, as often as possible! :)

After Mandi left, I had to put Elijah to bed for his nap. I took him upstairs and breastfed him, and while I was nursing him, the painful feeling in my back and lower bump became more wave-like, and made me think, "Hmmm!" because that's how it started with Elijah's labour and birth! I was breastfeeding Samuel to sleep, having had no contractions or signs of labour (the day after a sweep), and started contractions while breastfeeding - I had 4 or 5 in the 15-20 minutes I was breastfeeding, and they got stronger after I got up and left him asleep, and you know, 5 hours later I had a baby! ;) Pretty much. So I wondered. After I came downstairs from putting Elijah to bed, I had some strong-ish Braxton Hicks contractions in the kitchen while sitting down to make lunch for the boys, which was also encouraging. Elijah woke early and I went up and breastfed him again to try to settle him back to sleep for a bit longer (no joy), and noticed the pain becoming wave-like again.

The rest of that day I was so fidgetty! I wanted space, I didn't want the boys around me all the time. I wanted to hurry them up eating lunch because there was a box of cooking apples from my grandparents' apple tree on the kitchen floor which I was suddenly agitated about! I needed to process those apples so they didn't just sit and rot and get thrown away because I went and had a baby before getting around to it! I kept myself in check and didn't hurry the boys with lunch, but the urge was there. They watched movies a lot during the afternoon on my laptop while I, slightly hormonally crazed, made an apple and rhubarb crumble (with Heather's rhurbarb from her allotment!) and an apple and cinnamon crumble for the freezer, and then peeled, cored, sliced, and froze (on trays, then bagged them) 17 apples! It took me aaaaaaages, and it wasn't a rose-tinted experience, it was more grim determination to get the things DONE, lol! I did feel increasingly relieved as the day wore on and the apple box got emptier and emptier, and the boys were thrilled to have apple crumble for pudding that night! :)

I phoned Heather a couple of times during the day, and updated her with how I was doing. She felt that the signs were pretty good, and stayed "on standby" throughout the day and evening, half expecting me to call her to come over. I felt nauseous a lot during the day as well, and the evening too. Everyone had told me to get an early night, but I felt so grim and yucky that I couldn't stand to lie down just yet. I ended up staying up to almost midnight, but I am so glad that I did. Yes, I'm more tired for it, but the difference between 10.30pm and midnight was huge for me. By midnight I felt totally settled in my stomach and no longer nauseated, and my back and front pain was easing off. I felt calm in my thoughts and emotions, and tired and ready for sleep. I know if I'd have gone to bed at 10.30pm I would have felt sick and bloated and in pain, and anxious to boot. I don't know how long it would have taken me to get to sleep, but from past experience I would likely have woken in the night several times with tummy ache or nausea. I get IBS a lot, and usually if I stay up really late, it resolves. Not so if I go to bed before I've reached that point. Anyway, glad to have gone to bed feeling better. I did wake loads in the night anyway. It was Night Two of Elijah being in the boys' bedroom, and I'm not sleeping brilliantly without him! :(

He is doing fine in there. Last night, he slept through the night from bedtime to morning, for the second time ever! The first time was random, and months ago. He is happy in there, but can't really settle to sleep in there yet with all the distraction. He has a breastfeed on his new "floor" bed , and then Neil takes him downstairs and walks him to country music like he's done since he was tiny. Always works. The only thing I didn't anticipate is Samuel. He isn't taking to the bedroom change so well. It's his old bed that Elijah is moving into, and Samuel is moving up to take Benjamin's place, top-and-tailing with Nathan in the longer-than-standard-length bottom bunk bed. Benjamin has the toddler bed, which we haven't used since Nathan was 3 or 4, and he's very happy about it! :) But Samuel doesn't want to be in Benjamin's place after all. He wants HIS bed back, and he won't go to bed anywhere else! :( Not sure how that will pan out, and I really don't want to cause him any upset, because he's only 2, and there's a big upheaval coming with a new baby arriving soon. So we're still thinking on that. Right now, when Elijah goes downstairs to be walked to sleep, Samuel has his usual snuggles with me (he won't breastfeed any more, even though he occasionally asks and latches on for like two sucks, because he says it takes "too lucky" (that's yucky, by the way, lol!)) in his old bed, and falls asleep there. Elijah is put into my bed in the other bedroom when he has gone to sleep, and somewhere during the evening we lift Samuel into his new place, and Elijah into Samuel's old bed. Elijah hasn't done much waking or stirring so far in their room, though I've woken to every little bit with my door open, so tuned am I to his every need still! But Samuel wakes or stirs quite often still, and he has wanted to get back in his old bed at night once or twice, and refused to go back into the new one... It's worse when he falls out of the new bed since it's off the floor (we pad the floor heavily with pillows and such), so today we got a bed guard to put on the side. There wasn't time to do it tonight, but we'll fix it on tomorrow and see if that helps. He has a never-ending chesty cough at the moment (the only boy who got that after the cold we all had) and he wakes and coughs a lot, so he's more likely to come round at night and get annoyed about the sleep situation!

Anyway. So far it's going okay... If Samuel doesn't get used to the new situation, I think we'll have to let him keep his old bed, and find a way to make the bottom bunk safe for Elijah, maybe. With a bed guard it should be okay, especially since he doesn't care which bed he's in - he is just so happy to be in there! And Nathan told me he would SO like to share his bed with Elijah - 'Lijah would love that too. We'll see...

When I woke last night, I seemed to wake RIGHT UP each time, and then get restless legs which stopped me going back to sleep for a while, every time I woke. Frustrating!

Today my pain issues seem to have resolved for the most part. I feel much more calm in my womb - only one Braxton Hicks during the day at all! I wanted to take a bath, and also to bake lemon fairy cakes, and cut some boys' hair. I never got the haircuts done - the older 3 are in desperate need right now, so I am hoping to find time to get their hair cut before having a baby, or they won't be able to see by the time I get around to it again, lol!

I had a bath this morning while Elijah napped and the boys all played a dinosaur game together. Just a quick bath, but I like to keep myself clean when I'm nearing labour and birth! I always get in the shower anyway when I'm in early labour, but still. I like to keep clean more often than usual at this stage. Also, any backache I still had would be helped by a bath. I did feel so much better after the bath, just relaxed and more physically comfortable, even though I hadn't felt all that bad to begin with this morning. I decided to check my cervix after the bath. I don't normally like to any more, but I just got curious! I couldn't reach all of it, so I couldn't determine dilation at all, but my cervix was anterior (great sign!) and very soft, but thick. I think that's pretty good for me at 39 weeks - I know I've checked it in previous pregnancies around my due date or later and not been able to find it anywhere, or else it's been central or posterior, even if it was soft. Anterior and soft is great news!

Even so, I have suddenly hit that feeling this afternoon and evening where I "give up". I suddenly feel like, "Oh what's the point? I'm never going to go into labour anyway?!" and though I can hear myself saying it and KNOW it's daft, it feels so true all the same! I just got to thinking that I won't go into labour this week anyway, because I'm not even DUE this week! I have never gone into labour before my due date! Then, Mandi is coming back for my "due date" appointment on Monday, so that's actually the day before my due date. Going by my scan dates, I'll be a day AFTER my due date that day, and various midwives are going by that, whilst others are hanging with me on my own dates! ;) Anyway, because Heather suggested I might want to have a sweep at my due date appointment, to minimise the stress over not going into labour before she's unavailable to be my doula - she's only available up to the Sunday after my due date! :( - I have asked Mandi if she'll do a sweep on Monday, and she said yes that's fine. Only thing is, now I'm starting to waver on that decision. I have had 3 sweeps before. Twice when I was 41 weeks, and both times I had a baby the following day (so the sweep essentially "worked"), and the other time was when I was 40 weeks and 3 days, and my waters had broken the day before with Elijah, so it was time to get things going or else induction was on the cards. I did go into labour the next day, but it seemed to me more likely to be breastfeeding that started it, as I woke with a very quiet womb that next day, so I'm not sure about putting it down to the sweep. Anyway, statistically, sweeps seem to have worked for me, but I'm well aware they don't work all the time, or even a lot of the time! And my body has to be ready. It hasn't been at 39w6d before, so why would it make a difference this time? And if it does make anything happen, it's usually particularly sore in my cervix during early contractions (not to mention before any sort of contractions start!) due to the poking I've had! That part isn't fun. I started to feel sort of resentful of the fact that I would only be agreeing to have a sweep on Monday to work around Heather. When otherwise I wouldn't choose to have one. I would prefer to wait and let my body do its own thing - now, granted, I will change my mind as I approach 41 weeks anyway, lol! But before my due date has even arrived quite yet?... Although, to contradict myself again, I wonder what's the matter with starting things off if my body is ready anyway?! If I go into labour, it can only happen if my body was ready to respond to a sweep. So what's wrong with that? *sigh* I feel torn over it, and I can't decide. I have time, and it's totally up to me, so that's fine.

But in thinking all this, I started to be like, "Well, I won't go into labour this week because I'm not due yet. And next week I'll say no to the sweep, and then wait and wait and Heather will go off to her craft fair for 8 days, and heck, I might as well just not bother going into labour at all past that point!" So yes, a bit of a defeatist and pessimistic attitude, but I'm not particularly moping about it, just feeling that sense of absolute acceptance that I'll just stay pregnant, then! :P I thought about how Arthur's birthday is only a few weeks away, and then before I know it, I need to prepare Samuel's birthday in December, and then Christmas is right on top of that, and a few weeks later it's Nathan's birthday in January. And I thought, well, I'll probably still be pregnant then, and it's probably for the best! ;)

I do remember getting to this stage of thinking with previous pregnancies, but I think it was later - more around or past my due date? There is a definite sense of, "I will NEVER go into labour!!!" with it, and I recognise it. I am slightly optimistic that it's early this time... But not optimistic enough to cancel out the general "I'll be pregnant forever" vibe. I did bake those lemon fairy cakes though! :)

Tonight I am not nauseous - first night in ages! :) And I've eaten well. I feel heavily sleepy, like I took something to help me sleep (I didn't!), and Lydia has been active as usual during the evening which has been surprisingly painful/uncomfortable. When Mandi was feeling for her head, it hurt SO much, like my uterus itself was just plain SORE. It feels like that when Lydia moves vigorously. Her head on my cervix when she turns it about it like sharp pins, it's not a nice sensation, and always makes me wince out loud or takes my breath away. I have back pain again now, and am looking forward to lying down and sleeeeeping. I will still leave my door open in case Elijah does have a distressed waking during the night and needs me. I want to be sure to go to him when he is upset at night at this stage. But hopefully I'll sleep a bit better and get some good rest.

Tomorrow I would love to have Lydia because it's my sweet friend Megan's daughter's birthday. She will be 9, a few weeks ahead of Arthur turning 9, and I know Megan through being pregnant with her and blogging together at the time! :) So, oh, it would be so special! But otherwise I don't see it happening. I know that there's a full moon on both Friday and Saturday (and someone said there's an eclipse too?!) which WOULD fill me with hope, except that I have had full moons around my due dates before, and even when I've been past my due date, but they have had zero effect on me, personally. So yeah. Pregnant forever! ;)

I will be sure to update again soon! Thanks for being on the ride with me! :)

38 weeks, 3 days - weirdness and a video clip!

Well, I know I only updated yesterday and that I'm really just talking to myself, BUT I wanted to write about today anyway, just to make note of it before I forget. [ETA: apparently some people are having trouble leaving comments, so I've changed the settings to allow anyone to comment (not just members of this or that place, or whatever it was set to before!) but kept the word verification thingy. Let me know if it's still hard to leave comments, please!]

I had a really bad night's sleep last night. Elijah is STILL dealing with a cold (2 weeks later - most of the other boys are over theirs, except Samuel who has a horrible cough and wakes a lot at night coughing still), and last night he was really congested, but not the goopy kind that I can suck out with one of those magical devices (!). It meant that he woke a lot (8 times, I think!) and was miserable but I couldn't breastfeed him back to sleep because he couldn't breathe through his nose - so he was more miserable still. Poor baby! :( He does settle off in the end by himself if he's snuggled into the crook of my arm (HOW I am going to miss this tiny treasure in my bed in a mere matter of days from now! *sniffle*), but it was a bit hit and miss because he usually closed his mouth as he went to sleep and then woke up unable to breathe pretty quick. Apart from that, I woke three times with awful ligament pains in my side(s), and changing positions didn't shift the pain - it's so sharp and searing that it wakes me out of sleep pretty easily. I also woke once to go to the loo. All in all, I had a pretty bad night and was exhausted when Elijah woke for the day at 6.45am. Neil usually takes him and starts breakfast and I take my GERD medication (which I have to take 30 minutes before eating), and go back to bed, and then Neil wakes me again about that much time later to say he's going to work. That's currently how I get as much sleep as I possibly can squeeeeeze! Neil usually leaves around 7.30am but today he had to leave at 7am, so I didn't get to go back to bed. He had a training day with work, including an evening dinner thingy, and had to drive 2 hours into Kent for it. He still isn't home and it's 10.50pm - I don't expect him home until nearer midnight really. The weather is awful - windy and rainy, so I will breathe easy again once he's home. I don't like him driving in that kind of weather at night! :/

Anyway, I was trying (semi-successfully) to get the boys to do their chores at around 9.30am, and joining in tidying the living room, when I noticed something looked a bit weird. I looked up at Arthur (sitting on the sofa instead of doing his chores) and it looked like one of his nostrils was squashed shut while the other one was open. I turned my head to look more clearly and saw that both of them were open - weird. I noticed a couple of odd things like that before I went into the kitchen (where Matthew was mixing baking powder and orange juice for fun instead of sweeping the floor like he was supposed to be doing!) and my eye fell on a milk container which said, "Whole milk" (we only drink whole milk - why would you mess with something that's a) natural, b) yummy, and c) already 96% fat-free?!?!) and I could only see the letters "ole" in "Whole". The "wh" were just blanked out, like a little piece of my vision was missing. I noticed it much more after that, and realised over about 15 minutes that it was gradually getting worse. Within another 15 minutes I noticed that I didn't have any peripheral vision with my left eye - I couldn't see anything to the side of me when I looked ahead. It was like a blank over that way. Another 15 minutes later, I went to the loo, and that's when I noticed that left eye had a shimmery haze around the peripheral area. It was getting worse pretty quickly, every few minutes I noticed something that was worse than before, and it was making me anxious. I have never had any sort of visual disturbance that I can recall, pregnant or not.

By the time I decided to phone Heather about it (maybe 5-10 minutes later), almost the whole of my left eye was covered in a shimmering silvery haze and I really couldn't see very well to walk downstairs even. Scary. I wasn't panicking, but I didn't like it one bit. I went and told the boys that I didn't feel very well and that for some reason I couldn't see too well, and I was going to phone Heather to see what she thought I should do. They didn't seem that concerned (which has remained the theme of the day, sadly!) but Arthur said, "Oh yes, Heather knows about EVERYTHING!" :) They think the world of Heather! :)

So I went upstairs and lay on my bed for a few minutes while the boys played in the living room - I can trust Arthur and Matthew to watch Elijah for me for short periods of time like that, and I kept my door open to hear everything that was going on. There was slight improvement in my vision from lying down, and I decided to take my blood pressure (because I knew that would be the thing they'd be concerned about - pre-eclampsia - with visual disturbances). My sphygmomanometer is kind of old now, and I never get it serviced, so when I got a reading of 145/60 (!!) I thought it was too weird to be accurate - the high top number wasn't great news but it didn't make sense to me to have such a low bottom number with it. I tried the other arm and got 135/70. Hmmm. So I figured I couldn't trust my equipment and phoned Heather. She, of course, said I needed to be checked straight away. I told her Neil was away so I wouldn't be able to go into hospital to be assessed, as I was sure they'd want me to. She said I should tell them I have six children at home and my husband is away today, and I need a community midwife to come and check me at home. She's so assertive like that, and I'm completely the opposite, but if I don't follow her instructions then I have her to answer to, which is almost as bad, haha! ;) So I phoned the hospital, and finally managed to get a community midwife to come out to see me after an hour or so of trying various ways! I haven't met her before (she's not on my local midwifery team) but she's LOVELY and I wish she could be my midwife for Lydia's birth! She came in and saw Matthew, Nathan, Benjamin and Samuel watching 'Robin Hood' on my laptop, and said, "Wow, I have two boys, and I really respect you for managing four!" ;) She just stood open-mouthed when I said, "Actually, I have six - there are two more upstairs." hehe! She has twin 3-year-old boys, so I have a lot of respect for her too!

She took my blood pressure and it was 110/80 - "perfectly normal", she said. I asked if that ruled out pre-eclampsia, and she said maybe. She had been on a morning-full of postnatal visits so she wasn't carrying a doppler or urine test sticks. But she had me do a urine sample so she could take it to the hospital and check it for protein. I have no swelling at all - my rings are actually comfortably "loose" still, as they were at the start of my pregnancy. It's the best they've ever fit me at 39 weeks before! Most of my pregnancies I have had to take them off by now, but I didn't have to last time. Anyway, she asked about the baby's movements and since Lydia is usually really quiet in the mornings, she hadn't moved much at all yet. The midwife was a bit concerned about that, and said I should keep a close eye on her movements. I told her she usually moves more in the afternoons and then is REALLY active in the evenings, so she was okay with it. She said that she'd need to take some blood to check for markers for pre-eclampsia, and also a full blood count. Arthur ran upstairs for that, because he's ever so squeamish, but the others stayed to watch.

By the time she got here, my vision was improving quite a bit. I had tried to lie down and rest as much as possible, and put a movie on for the boys to watch once I got Elijah down for his morning nap, and Arthur was happy playing a board game thingy in their bedroom, so I was able to rest a bit. Maybe that helped? I started to think I had been daft and that it was just a case of being over-tired, but Heather assured me that it was really important to get everything checked out with something like this. I had a headache by then. I have never had a migraine before, even though it did occur to me that visual disturbances can be the start of migraines. I just figured if I don't get them, then surely it couldn't be that? Heather said it COULD be, because sometimes pregnancy can trigger a random migraine which you might never have again, just because. So I was a bit worried about being hit by an AWFUL headache after the vision issues settled down. My headache was (and still is) in my eyes and temples, and felt hot and pressurey. Weird, for me anyway.

The midwife marked my blood test as urgent, so that the results would be back within 2 hours (so quick!!! I was really pleased at how well they were taking care of me!), and then she phoned before that time to say that my urine was fine - there was a trace of protein in it, but they don't act on a trace, only if there's a + or more. She had discussed me with one of the doctors and the doctor thought that it didn't sound obstetric in nature, and that it was likely some form of migraine, but that to be on the safe side, he wanted her to come back and take more blood from me to run a more detailed panel on liver and kidney function and a few other things. So she came back, did another blood test (this was after lunch, by which time my headache was pretty horrid), and since Lydia still hadn't moved much, she concurred with Heather, who had just told me over the phone to drink a tall glass of COLD Ribena and lie on my left side to see if the baby would move. She said that if the baby didn't move much during the afternoon I should call Day Assessment and go in for monitoring.

I finally ate lunch (later than the boys) and had a cup of tea, and a bit of Ribena (didn't feel like sweet yucky cold stuff at all!), and Lydia was kicking about while I was still eating, so that was reassuring, but it didn't surprise me because I knew she'd get going eventually! ;) Maybe she's not going to be a morning person, just like her mummy?!

I phoned Neil twice at his training day, once in the morning because Heather suggested I give him a heads-up in case he needed to come home if they wanted me to go into hospital. And then again in the afternoon to update him. I had to phone the Day Assessment Unit for my blood results at 5pm, and when I did, they told me that my liver and kidney function was normal, and all the levels were healthy and fine - phew! No markers for early pre-eclampsia at all, and for an added bonus, my iron levels were up from 10.9 at 36 weeks, to 11.3 - yay! :) So pleasing to hear!

So I guess it's a migraine of sorts. The headache has hung around and it's still here, fairly bothersome but nothing debilitating. I haven't managed the end of the day with the boys too well, as I've had a headache and felt weird in my eyes again - just fuzzy and pressurey, and a little bit "whited-out" but not particularly a loss of vision or shimmery effects. They've watched too much TV (videos on YouTube - we don't have a TV right now), and have been a bit wild as a result, but I couldn't think of another way to occupy them today. They've done jigsaw puzzles and board games, and tidied a bit, but the noise level has been unbearable, and I've done too much shouting which hasn't helped my own synptoms, just to be heard over the constant din. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm glad that it's nothing to worry about, and that my little one is fine.

Neil is home now - nearly midnight - yay! So relieved to have arrived at the other side of Friday - a day on the calendar that I'd been dreading for a long time, knowing how pregnant I'd be when he was required to be away from 7am to midnight, and not locally either! Now the boys just need to stay healthy (and not come down with anything viral from the various things we've done during the week) for the next 24 hours! It's WEEKEND!!! I'm so relieved. I know Neil will let me rest plenty tomorrow, even though I'm slightly frustrated that I'll need to, because there's still stuff to be done and literally no time left after this weekend, if we don't. On Sunday we are meeting up with my family (sans parents who are in France) to visit a miniature railway - the boys don't know where we're going, or who we're meeting up with! :) That's why I'm sooooo hoping we're all still well by Sunday morning, for that event. My 88-year-old grandparents will be there, and even if we come down with just a cold, we can't go because a cold can be serious for them at their age. And I so don't want to miss it! Once we're on the other side of Sunday, I will be 39 weeks pregnant and counting the days (who am I kidding?! I'm counting now!! ELEVEN to go!!!!) until my due date, and HOPING that I will go into labour BY or ON or even BEFORE that date, so that I don't have to stress about Heather's time running out... I am fairly sure I'll want to have a sweep at my due date appointment (probably 39 weeks and 6 days, on the Monday), even though I would never usually want to do that at my due date. If my body is ready to respond to a sweep, then it would be good to get it over and down with so that I won't have the stress of Heather not being with me if I wait and wait and wonder when on earth, and then her time is up and she's unavailable.

Anyway. I may still change my mind. I am not keen on intervention of any sort at (or fractionally before) 40 weeks...

Of course, this evening, Lydia has done her usual thing of being very active. It's like she gets her exercise in the evenings! Yesterday she was hurting me with her legs, doing some hard shoves like karate kicks or something - stretching her legs full length but very suddenly, and my whole tummy was morphing into different shapes in quick succession. I wanted to take a video but our camera with the video capabilities had a "wash" (thanks to Matthew) a while ago and takes only very blurry images now. We have the smartphone but Neil had it with him. So I finally managed to use the webcam (which I'd never used before!) on the laptop to take a little clip of my tummy lurching about to some music I had on. Lydia seems to really like music, and Elijah has always preferred country music (a radio station with no commentary or adverts) to help him get to sleep if he is being walked by Neil. It works MUCH faster than no music. Anyway so we often have that on in the background by the time the boys have gone to bed, and after a year of it, I've come to LOVE country music, so sometimes I put it on just for me! :) This evening I had Keith Urban playing, and Lydia was getting her exercise in, so I used the webcam to capture a little bit of it! It's really poor quality - the lighting is awful, but at least it's recorded for prosperity, and I love that I'll have it to look back on after she's born (and after she's turned 1, or lost her first tooth, or left home, or got married - sniffle!). I put it on Facebook but I don't think anyone can see it, and I wanted it here anyway in my pregnancy blog, so here it is:

I'll post again soon. I always enjoy reading back the last few weeks and days of my pregnancies in particular, especially when I'm nearing the end of another one! So I'm happy to be getting some updates done at last. Lydia has hiccups! She has had several bouts of those today. I can't wait to meet her, I am just so excited and it feels so wonderfully surreal that it will really happen soon! I can't imagine how I will feel, holding my first baby girl after the hard work is all done. I don't think there will be words to describe it. :)

38 weeks pregnant!!

HOW I've been longing to update here! Finally I have a moment, but it's late and I will waste no time!

So I have reached TERM!! Wheee! As of last week I can have a homebirth any old time I feel like it! ;) It feels very surreal to be 38 weeks, more so than 37 weeks even. That's REALLY pregnant, isn't it?! And that's sooooo surreal. Surely not me, that pregnant already?! And it's really beginning to hit home that I'm about to have a baby girl. A baby GIRL! How will I ever wrap my head around that? I still can't grasp it, and feel giddy with excitement when I try. :)

I had a midwife appointment the day before yesterday for 38 weeks, and Mandi (my favourite midwife, who delivered Benjamin and Samuel) came. I have ended up requesting not to see one of the midwives on the team, which is reeeeeeally awkward and waaaaay out of my comfort zone, but I was strongly urged to by Heather (who has no such qualms or discomforts!) because this midwife isn't one I "gel" with at all. She seems unconfident about my choices and uses negative tones and it's frustrating, so yeah. I contacted Jackie who is the head of clinical midwifery at the hospital (my very important link - it's great knowing people in high places!) and who delivered Elijah and arranged for me to see NO consultants at all this pregnancy! :) It has been so lovely not to have that this time! Anyway, she was wonderful and has arranged for home-only appointments for me, and the midwife in question isn't seeing me any more, and nor will she attend my birth even if she's on duty. I feel better about that, but you still never know who you'll get... There could be worse midwives to attend me, so I'm just praying over it! Mandi is just back from maternity leave, and only works Mondays and Tuesdays, so I'm hoping things will be well-timed for her to be with me again.

Anyway, on Monday she did my blood pressure (120/84 - up a bit from my usual low norm, but still fine), and my urine (clear), and then went to feel my tummy. She immediately said, "Do you feel that the baby has grown much?" and I said I didn't know, because on thinking about it, I couldn't say that I had noticed much growth. She felt her position - head down, back on my right side and feet on my left (she's usually the other way: back on the left, feet on my right), head not engaged yet - and then measured my bump. She said that I was measuring 36 weeks, which is what I measured 2 weeks ago (at 36 weeks). She remeasured a few times, but got the same. And then she said that the first thing she had noticed was that the baby felt the same size as last time she came round. Because it was her doing the feeling and measuring both times, and because I have been measuring spot on or a week ahead throughout this pregnancy, she decided it would be best to send me for a quick scan to check that Lydia's growth rate is okay. I was happy enough with that, and amazingly, when she made the phone call from my house at 11.45am, she arranged a 1.30pm scan the same day! What a quick result! :) I made a couple of phone calls, and Neil came home from work to work from home the rest of the day, so he could be with the boys while I went for the scan. Heather dropped everything and came with me to the scan - she's "on call" for me officially now that I'm 38 weeks pregnant! :) That means there's nothing, day or night, that she won't drop to be with me if I need her for anything pregnancy or labour related. Very reassuring! :)

So I got to have another peek at my darling baby girl! :) So unexpectedly too! I didn't have time to get worried about her, though I was a little nervous that she'd have some bizarre placenta or cord problem that was slowing her down. I didn't get any pictures from the scan, and I didn't get to double (triple!) check that she's definitely a girl, either. But I caught a flash of her legs from underneath and didn't see anything sticking out, so that's something! ;) I did have a momentary paranoia that she'd have grown boy bits or something, hehe! I just don't think I can believe she's really a girl until she is in my arms and I get to take an actual LOOK and know for sure!

She looked very squashed and folded up in there, but I guess that's usual at 38 weeks! I forget already what Elijah was like in the two scans I had done at 37 and 39 weeks for his growth checks. Squished up, at the 39 week scan, if I remember rightly! We saw Lydia's heart beating merrily, and her little stomach, kidneys and bladder were round dark circles full of fluid, so she's been busy drinking her amniotic fluid! I know she's been practising breathing as well, because I've seen my tummy going softly up and down where her back is. Earlier it was very jerky and arrhythmic, but now it's smooth and rhythmic all the time, and at a slower rate like a newborn's breathing, which is pleasing to see! :)

Anyway, they measured her abdomen and I saw on the screen that the measurement was 38 weeks and 4 days, so I relaxed immediately! The lady said, "Normal tummy size!" Then they measured her femur which was... I can't remember exactly now - either 38.1 weeks, or 37.8 weeks something like that. Pretty much spot on to the day anyway. Neil's body shape, by the way - my leggies (and Arthur's, and Benjamin's) are short and the boys who have inherited them were always 2 full weeks behind in femur length, bless their hearts! ;) Their heads were bigger than dates (apparently this is my gene as well - Neil has a little head!). Her head measurements gave a date of 37.1 weeks - aww! :) Definitely Neil's daughter! ;)

They were obviously satisfied with her measurements, so they didn't go on to check placental function and umbilical cord blood flow like they did with Elijah (whose growth they were not happy with). They had me wait in the waiting room until they brought out the report for my notes. They came out and showed me the graphs with her measurements marked on them, SMACK on the average line, and they were really nice and reassuring. They estimated her weight that day to be 3071g, and since I have no idea what grams mean (!), I asked what that was in pounds and ounces. The lady seemed pretty confident that it was somewhere around 7 and a half pounds, and I was like, "WHAT?!?! She's still got 2 more weeks!!" lol! I did not expect her to be that heavy already, and for some reason I had really hoped she would be quite a little baby. I love having little babies! I have loved my big hefty babies too, of course, but there's something so gorgeous about a 6-or-7lb-something baby. All those teeny tiny clothes fit up to 7.5lbs, and I have some things that I'm desperately hoping she'll fit into at birth! Such a silly reason, but hey ho. I still hope! :) If she's as big as 8lbs she should still fit her tiny newborn clothes for the first few days maybe... Anyway, I knew she would be a good 8 and a half pounds if she was 7 and a half now.

Heather was tut-tutting about my minor freak-out, because she kept saying how inaccurate those estimations are, and also her focus was on the fact that it doesn't make any difference to BIRTH, big baby or little baby, despite what  people believe. It's true for me - my 9lbs 9oz and 8lbs 11oz babies were no harder to birth than 5lbs 13oz Nathey or 6lbs 8oz Elijah - I think Elijah was my easiest, but NOT because he was small. Because he was sixth, and I had a very smooth labour and was completely in control of my own second stage rather than having any sort of coaching or instructions. Not a piece of cake by any means, but easier!

Well, when I got home I looked up 3071g and was thrilled to discover that it equates to 6.77lbs!!! Yay! At first I didn't engage my brain and thought she was 6lbs 8oz, but of course it's 6-POINT-77lbs, so that is more like 6lbs 12 or 6lbs 13oz. Anyway, yay for still being under 7lbs! ;) Hopefully if she is born around her due date she will still be under 8lbs, but we'll see. And I mustn't forget that those scans can be out by half to a full pound in their estimation! At Elijah's 39 week scan he was estimated to be 6lbs 4oz and he was born 11 days later weighing 6lbs 8oz, so I think he must have weighed less than 6lbs 4oz at 39 weeks - they gain roughly half a pound per week at the end of pregnancy.

I am thrilled that Lydia is doing just fine in there! It was good to get that reassurance, whether or not my tummy measures up for the number of weeks pregnant I am. I know she's growing still, and measuring right on target for her gestation.

Mandi is coming back again for my next appointment, which is my - gulp! - DUE DATE appointment!! 40 weeks!!! Can't believe it's right around the corner!

We've done quite a lot to get ready since I last updated. We've put a ton of boxes in the loft to clear my room. That's all the baby boy clothes which have been piling up as Elijah has grown out of various sizes. There were still 0-3 month baby boy clothes in the baby clothes drawers!!! lol! I had given up with drawers months ago and we were pretty much just using the boxes as his clothes storage - *sigh* MUST get more organised and tidy this time around! They're not delapidated cardboard boxes, just to say! Clear plastic crates with flap lids on hinges - one box for each clothing size, which is helpful for me so that I don't allow the clothing to get out of hand!

I sorted through all the tiny baby, newborn, 0-3 month, 3-6 month, and 6-9 month baby boy clothes boxes to get out all the whites and neutral stuff for Lydia. I was surprised to find that sorting the tiny baby boy clothes made me feel kind of... a pang of sadness that for the first time, I am not using them. The very first time! After all these babies! I've never not used them before... It made me wonder if that's the end of using them - if there will be no more baby boys to use those clothes, and no more baby boys to grow into some of my favourite clothes that Elijah grows out of. I don't think I could ever feel like I have "enough" sons! I so love having little boys! To think of having another baby boy one day makes my heart sing! But how lovely it would be to have another baby girl so that Lydia has a sister one day! I just hope I have time for more babies yet, and that God will bless us again...

We still haven't moved Elijah to the boys' bedroom - he is still nursing on demand at night by my side! Eek! I'm slightly reassured by reading my blog and discovering that Samuel was still in my bed at this stage with Elijah's pregnancy too. Two things have delayed us - one is that we need to set up the toddler bed for Benjamin, and we discovered that we haven't got all the bolts and screws to put it together! I don't know where on earth they are - I have eventually found all the screws, and two of the bolts, but the bolts are essential and there are two more missing, so we can't set it up. We also had no mattress for it! I remembered after a while, that I think there was a yucky spill on the old toddler bed mattress when we last used it, and we tossed it, intending to replace it when we next needed the bed. Anyway, I ordered one and it's here now, so maybe we'll just have to put the mattress down where the bed is meant to go for a temporary measure? We'll try to source the bolts at B&Q this weekend but they might need ordering from the bed manufacturer. *sigh*

The other thing in the way was the 2nd cold in a month, which had poor Elijah so stuffed up and sad at night, and I don't want to move him when he's unwell. Samuel has had a horrible cough with it as well, and coughs a lot in the night for ages, which would undoubtedly wake Elijah up if he was newly in the room. Samuel is STILL coughing, but Elijah is almost better now, and I'm PRAYING (desperately!) that we don't catch anything else before Lydia is born. I feel so paranoid about it now, with the time of year, every time the boys go anywhere, urgh. People just don't take care to keep their kids home when they're infectious with stuff, so I know they're at risk - run of the mill for any child, but something that could be really really awful for us as a family just as we're about to have a new baby. :( Of course parents who don't take that care, don't actually think about things like that. It has always bugged me so much. Bleh. Today several of the boys played with toys in a waiting room, while the other several went out to a playground with Heather - both have me slightly hyperventilating in my hormonal paranoia, and praying hard that they haven't been exposed to ANYTHING. Tomorrow the boys are going out to a big event for children in London and I'm struggling to stay at peace about it. I absolutely want them to have the experience (Heather is taking them), and they are definitely GOING, but I know people are going to go with kids who are still infectious with various things, and it scares me. I don't want to be dealing with vomiting children for 2 straight weeks (yes, it takes that long with 6 young children!) up to and beyond my due date, or dealing with the same myself at this point in my pregnancy - and I would be heartbroken if I or my kiddies were infectious with anything viral when Lydia was born, so that I had to be paranoid about them being near her or even ME holding and snuggling my own precious baby - it would ruin her arrival, and I think that's a big enough deal for it to be reasonable to have frustrations and worries over infectious kids everywhere at this stage of my pregnancy! :/ I'm just hoping so so so much that the boys will stay well now.... Please pray for our health! We went to church last Sunday for the last time until after Lydia is born, for that very reason. It's just not worth the risk (both our colds have been from Sunday school groups that the boys go to), and we're off this Sunday to a miniature railway with my family - who we only see twice a year, and which is ANOTHER reason that I'll be gutted if we have to cancel because someone has taken their infectious child somewhere and infected my children! And then the following Sunday is almost on top of my due date, so we won't go anywhere that weekend.

So hopefully we'll be well this weekend and can move Elijah in with the boys. If we can't, then we're a bit scuppered, because I'll be 39 weeks pregnant!! Neil is home so late from work that it has to be a weekend to move Elijah, for both of us to be present with enough time at bedtime to do something that big a deal. I'd hate to move him out literally because his baby sister has taken his place in "his" bed! :( And I can't fathom co-sleeping with two littles. Elijah would be disturbed a lot (I keep the lamp on at night for the first few weeks to deal with the newborn explosive poo, and establishing breastfeeding), and he would be really cross not to have immediate milky and snuggles to get back to sleep every time, which I am sure I would not be able to do for him! Anyway, hopefully we'll be well, and the move will happen in the next 4 or 5 days and go well.

I MUST go to bed, but I still have so much that I wanted to write!!

I had an evening of painful tightenings and Braxton Hicks contractions with low backache at the weekend. I think I had done too much on Saturday - I was clearing space in the boys' bedroom for the toddler bed, and searching for the fittings for it. I took care not to do lifting and stuff, but maybe I overdid it anyway? I had constant discomfort from about 6.30pm and it was distracting enough so that I couldn't focus on anything else. I had tight BHs with it, but it was the constant pain in my lower bump and back that was the most bothersome. I was also pretty nauseous. I phoned Heather and she said it sounded a lot like pre-labour, but that it could also just be me "limbering up", which can obviously take weeks. I hadn't had a show or anything, so I just ate something in the end and felt a bit better. The next day I wasn't in pain or discomfort anymore, except that I'm fairly constantly uncomfortable in my bump, hips and lower back now. Sometimes it's properly painful, but not contractions or anything. Ligament pains that won't shift easily are bothering me a lot again, in the lower sides of my bump, both at night and in the day. Those are searing and impossible to move against, but they're really hard to get rid of! The back of my pelvis hurts a lot, especially when I lie on my back for even a short time, and I can hear and feel little bones grinding and clicking when I try to move from my back to my sides or to sit up. Yeurgh! Everything is loose in there (thanks, relaxin!), and ready to move about for my baby to be born, which is good news I guess! Just uncomfy right now.

Sunday I did more sorting and clearing, but tried to be careful again. I had similar discomfort in the evening but nowhere NEAR as bad as Saturday evening, and since then I have just had the occasional BH contraction - those are tight and very uncomfortable, and sometimes painful, but nothing regular or labour-ish at all yet.

I finally got Neil to take a belly pic this evening! Yay, finally a belly pic at 38 weeks - I think that's 10 weeks since my last one! :( Not including the family pic at 32 weeks which I posted last entry. I went to look at my belly gallery for Lydia's pregnancy and was dismayed to find that there were only two photos in it - 6 weeks and 12 weeks, I think! :( But when I went to photobucket to see what I had there, I was happy to find that I DID take two photos which I never got around to posting - 20 weeks, and 22 weeks. So I have now updated my belly gallery (that link takes you to a big page with ALL my belly galleries, except Arthur's, and Lydia's is at the top), with new photos for 20 weeks, 22 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks, and tonight's 38-week belly picture. Now it looks much better and less sad and empty! Also, I notice that I look MUCH smaller than 38 weeks with ANY of my boys. At least I think so anyway. I didn't get as far as 38 weeks with Nathan, and I didn't get belly pictures beyond 36 weeks with Elijah either, but I still think I am looking more compact and small this time around than with the boys. Also I haven't gained nearly as much weight! It HAS to be a girly thing, because I've had six pregnancies before this and have gained a ton by this stage with all of them. Last time I weighed myself was at 34 weeks (I think??) or around that stage, and I had gained 28lbs. Normally I have gained about a lb per week until around the early 30s, and then I start gaining more than a lb per week (hence the 45-55lb weight gains each pregnancy!). So I knew I was already lighter at that stage than ever before, having gained only 28lbs so far. I know I will gain faster now, and I haven't weighed myself since, but I can tell from the photos that I am not as humongous in the thigh, face or upper arm departments (!) as with my boy pregnancies. I am stuffing myself with sugary treats just as always, so it can't be that! :p

I am utterly addicted to extra strong mints this pregnancy. I mean, I crunch my way through a pack or two every day. I know it's awful! I feel yucky for it sometimes. But it's a proper craving and I can't run out of them or else I'm literally wringing my hands until Neil gets home with more, lol! I have always liked mints in my 3rd trimesters, but nothing like this. The boys are quite amused every time they see me frantically pulling the mints out of the kitchen cupboard and crunching away, hehe!

So much more to say, but I'm tired out of my brains (feeling generally better, anaemia-wise, but still so tired these days) and must go to bed.

Oh, but all of Lydia's baby clothes are present and correct! :) I have been given, or bought on eBay (nothing brand new, budget won't allow for it, but I love browsing eBay anyway so it's okay!) EVERYTHING she needs in size "tiny baby - up to 7.5lbs", newborn (up to 10lbs), and 0-3 months! I have quite a bit of 3-6 month clothing and some bigger sizes too, but almost all hand-me-downs - I haven't really shopped for those sizes yet. I have now had the absolute pleasure of washing ALL the newborn clothing and folding it - here's a photo which I couldn't resist taking a couple of weekends ago when I did it all (I actually did squeal quite a bit, lol! The boys were all at the park so it was okay, hehe!):



This is most of her stuff, minus a few dresses which were not washed with the light/white loads - all size tiny baby or newborn. I had SO MUCH FUN washing and sorting! :) They are all tucked neatly into her drawers ready for her to wear, and I admit, I do open them and hug myself with glee from time to time, just seeing all the PINK in there! :) I don't care if I'm going to tire of pink eventually - right now I am absolutely LOVING it!!! :D

Tonight a Tesco order was delivered, which contained loads of cotton wool (newborn nappy changes), packs of maternity pads, and some breast pads, although I don't leak much now after the first few babies - Heather says this is more to do with my body being efficient at storing milk with the greater number of babies, than producing less (which I was concerned about at first). I'm glad anyway! I always used to leak like crazy and soak the bed at night, and breast pads never held all the milk I leaked out, etc. Now I just have a pack of slim breastpads handy so that I can pop one in if I'm going out somewhere and don't want to leave a random patch on my clothes when my milk lets down. It doesn't last more than 6 months-ish so I don't use them after that. Also a travel pack of toothbrush/toothpaste/floss, etc. to put in my hospital bag - which is almost completely packed and ready, by the way! :) Getting the Tesco order made it really hit home for some reason, that she's really coming, and SOON! The clothes did too, but something as random as a pack of maternity pads is really hitting home with me tonight - I'm going to have a baby really really soon! She's coming out! Soooon! I can't believe it!!! :D I'm so excited, and so terrified, haha! NOT feeling warm and fuzzy about impending labour and delivery yet, but hopefully my anxiety will die down as it gets nearer, not the other way around. I just hope she doesn't come any later than my due date... I want to be well in time for Heather (with her craft fair starting 6 days after my due date). I met the back up doula who is lovely, but I still want Heather with me!

A friend at our old church had her baby in the small hours of the morning today, and that was another reality check for me, as we've been exactly 2 weeks apart in our pregnancies this time around. That seems very close, and here she is having had her baby (and not before her due date either!) today! They didn't know what they were having, and this morning before I heard the news (I knew she was in labour last night) Neil and I suddenly got anxious that they'd have a baby girl and call her Lydia! ;) Neil started to say that we'd have to think of a different name because it was just "too close" otherwise. I checked on the smartphone while we were in the waiting room with the boys this morning (Matthew had a play assessment) and discovered that they had a baby boy, and named him Daniel! :) I wonder what their girl choice was, because funnily enough we had come to the point where if Lydia turned out to be a boy, our name of choice would have been Daniel. We both love the name now - maybe next baby?! ;)

Anyway, reality checks left, right, and centre. Really actually going to give birth to a baby soon, and then  - even more surreal - will actually (really!) have a newborn baby in my arms of my very own to snuggle and feed and love - and this time, to dress in pinks and florals and little ribbony things!!! Wheee! :) I'm so unable to believe it, and it's so exciting!

Okay, Elijah is waking! Back soon! :)