40 weeks!! Due today! :)

Yay, I've arrived!! Allllll these weeks and months, and I've finally arrived at the coveted date on the calendar - October 22nd 2013, my due date!

And no baby yet! ;)

I guess the sweep didn't work for me this time, as the 24 hours have elapsed without me being in labour. I have been SORE all day,  not as I expected in my cervix and general nether regions, but like pre-labour in my lower back and bump. My lower back feels like a constant period cramp, allll day long. It hasn't let up at all, and most of the time my lower bump (underneath) feels the same, like a dull period cramp. That's all encouraging, but it hasn't progressed to anything, and is still exactly the same, just sore. It's hard to move about at all with this kind of discomfort, but I'm getting on with it. Because nothing was happening, Neil went to work this morning, which was a bit of a disappointment, especially since I was sore and really really REALLY not in the mindset to get on with a normal day of parenting my little ones on my own.

Matthew spilled some orange juice at breakfast time, and I lost my temper INSTANTLY and shouted at him in such a horrid way! :( I felt so bad, even seconds later as I was wiping it up, and he looked taken aback. I apologised, but then went out of the kitchen to calm down and became unexpectedly really tearful and felt absolutely torn up inside, like I'd done something DREADFUL that I could never forgive myself for! When he came out of the kitchen I called him over to me and gave him a cuddle and said I was so sorry and I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, and he said, "I forgive you, Mummy." and went off happily, but it took me a while to get over the hurty feelings inside. :( I guess I have hormones!

After that I really tried to pull myself together for the rest of the day ahead - it was a good kick up the backside for me, and the rest of the day went MUCH better. I have had Braxton Hicks contractions all day, but randomly and just here and there mostly. Sometimes several in a row, especially when breastfeeding Elijah (lots of times today as he refused to settle for his nap twice, and then finally went down in the afternoon instead, woke grumpy (the joys of afternoon naps versus morning ones!) and thus wanted to breastfeed a lot in the afternoon) - breastfeeding actually produced some pretty good contractions, and most of them have hurt somewhat because I'm already sore and crampy, but otherwise they haven't been real labour contractions or anything, and they've faded off quickly.

This evening I had got the boys ready for bed when Neil came home from work, and he was just sorting out all the toothbrushes for the next stage of bedtime prep. I was sitting on the sofa with Matthew, and he was talking to me about something when Benjamin came over and interrupted. I asked him to wait and he immediately melted down into a mega tantrum right in my ear (this is typical of Benjamin lately, and rather wearing!), and at that moment I started to have what I thought was a Braxton Hicks contraction, but quickly became aware that I couldn't stand Benjamin's noise or movement next to me. I got very firm with him and he moved away, but then Matthew resumed talking about what he had been telling me before, calmly and normally, and I realised that the contraction was intense like the previous ones hadn't been. It felt like a proper labour contraction, hot and painful and too tight, and I discovered I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying at all until it was passing. So that's new! But that was that - no more after it. Odd.

Putting them to bed was difficult because of how sore and uncomfy I was, and afterwards I came downstairs and sat on the sofa to relax a bit. I had felt all day like I was too busy for my body to be able to "concentrate" on going into labour, like the busy-ness of running around after 6 kiddies was actually going to be a preventative thing for labour. It doesn't sound rational, but all day that's how I felt. I kept myself busy with productive things, the usual stuff with the boys, and then I made 3 dozen chocolate chip cookies, and a lemon cake with icing and sprinkles! :) I may have eaten a few cookies... ;) The boys were ecstatic about this, and those cookies will not last long: 6 boys + 1 snack time + 1 dessert after dinner = 1 dozen cookies less already! Plus the, ahem, *few* I ate. I think they'll all be gone by the end of tomorrow! Kind of hoping that there will be a reason for some of them to be eaten by the odd midwife or two before then...

Anyway, this evening I have had Braxton Hicks fairly constantly, which I'm not surprised by. They are sore and tight, not necessarily because they are early labour or progressing anywhere, but probably more because I am just feeling constantly periody even without contractions. It's not mild period-type pain either. I'm trying to remember if I have had this before in previous pregnancies at this stage, and I think feeling crampy and periody has happened before, but I don't recall it being this bad or for this long without something happening. I've been checking my pantyliner every time I go to the toilet, and to my surprise I haven't had the slightest spot of any sort since my sweep! Not a thing, and no show of any sort either. I had a little bleeding at the actual sweep, so I was expecting to at least see a little spotting afterwards, but nope! At least now I'm past the 24 hours, if I have a show (particuarly a bloody show) now, it will mean something again! :)

I am feeling a bit yucky and queasy this evening, and tried to eat dinner but just did not want it, so I ended up leaving it. I don't want to push things if labour is around the corner - lots of women throw up in early labour (or later even), and especially after trying to eat something. I always err on the side of caution given my anxiety about vomiting, and eat NOTHING once I know I'm heading into labour, even very early on. So if I'm crampy and stuff, and feeling queasy and my tummy just says NO to what I'm trying to eat, I will not eat! I'll get hungry if I need food, I'm sure, so it's fine.

Right now I am going to go to bed - or maybe have a quick bath to see if it helps my crampy backache before I get in bed... That might be a good idea, and it's what Heather would recommend I'm sure.

I have never laboured at night before, except when I was induced late in the day with Nathan. Naturally, I haven't done that. I prefer daytime labour! Night time makes me feel uneasy for some reason. BUT, having said that, it's so quiet and undisturbed at night, and there's so much chaos in the house during the day to distract me, even behind closed doors upstairs. There always has been with homebirths, but obviously more so with each new baby, as there are more kiddies downstairs to make noise! ;) So I wonder if my body might choose to do that after all this time? There is a sense of relief thinking that the boys would all be quietly sleeping, and my labours are pretty quick now so HOW LOVELY it would be to put them to bed at night, and when they wake up they have a new baby sister?!! Arthur told me that would be so lovely, tonight at bedtime. He is constantly asking me (like every 2 hours) if I have any signs of Lydia coming yet. It's driving me a liiiittle bit crazy, but so far I'm tolerating it okay! ;) He says he just can't help asking all the time, because he's just so excited and constantly wondering if it might be today, or tonight, or tomorrow. I am starting to find the question, "Mummy, when do you think she'll come?!" a bit wearing now though, as I can't answer it! I always answer the same (along the lines of I don't know, or, there's no way to know when, only God knows her birthday, we'll have to wait and see, etc.) but the question is still asked many times a day all the same! If I'm still here waiting in a week, that is going to be one question that pushes my buttons just TOO much, even from my sweet eager children, I think! ;)

I am happy waiting at the moment, after my initial "blip" this morning, eager to meet her and have the labour and birth over with (looking forward to it in other ways too, though!), but also just happy to wait until the day that God chose arrives. I know that will change as the week goes by, because Heather is available only until Saturday, and MAYBE Sunday until late afternoon, if she gets enough preparation done before then, for her craft fair. IF. Sarah, the back-up doula, is on call for me officially from Sunday, and Heather is busy for a full week from that point. So I know I am going to find it almost impossible to relax about still not having gone into labour as the weekend approaches - even though I know it's a good possibility with my history. I will only be 40 weeks and 5 days on Sunday, and I have had two babies beyond that time, and two more only the day before that point, so... I am so hoping and praying that I won't need to worry about it by then though, and that I'll be snuggling my new baby girl instead! :) I am putting it out of my head until then - no point thinking on it now. Who knows what tomorrow or the next day will bring, and I'm SO crampy, that I hope either that eases off or turns into something SOON, because it's really really sore and uncomfortable. In my personal experience, it's pre-labourish, not late-pregnancy-ish. But I'm often proven wrong by my own body, haha! ;) So we'll see.

I meant to do a belly pic for my due date, but it's late and I'm too sore to be bothered to go upstairs for my camera! :P So hopefully I'll still get one done before she's born, but not today. I am having another painful Braxton Hicks contraction right now and it's distracting (yay!), but I'm going to try having a bath to see if things will ease up so I'm more comfy for sleep. I will update tomorrow! :)