31 weeks!

TERRIBLY long gap there, sorry! I am too tired to do much justice to a proper entry tonight, and my legs are jumping all over the place (RLS) and very uncomfortable, but I must just say SOMETHING so that I have made a blog post at last!

I am behind with my belly pics! The weeks are going too fast and the last time I looked up, I was 28 weeks (seriously!). I set my camera to take a 28 week belly picture of me with the boys all around me, because I did that last time with Elijah's pregnancy and it turned out to be a sweet thing to do! :) So here is my 28 week belly picture - I will post Elijah's for comparison below it:

Here's my 28 week belly picture from Elijah's pregnancy - I was surprised to see how much less my bump stuck out last time, than this time! Mind you, Elijah WAS small for dates. And I'm carrying just as low as ever with this baby girl, so that's that old wives' tale out of the window then! ;)

I don't think I am any different at ALL in terms of the pregnancy, how I'm carrying, etc. Nothing much is different, it's just "pregnancy" as usual. I have craved (bizarrely) classical music this time - I wish I could describe that better, but it's just that. I HAVE to listen to it. Not always, but I get times where the urge is overpowering like a pregnancy food craving (which is a STRONG pull). Sweet foods also, are a big thing right now, but then I think that's pretty normal for me at this stage of pregnancy anyway.

I expected to maybe carry higher, or a different shape, or put weight on differently (so many people have been telling me these things over the years), but really none of the above has been true for me at all. I'm carrying low (super low, sometimes), round like a ball on my front, and with no particular difference in weight gain. At 27 weeks I weighed myself and I was 11st 2lbs I think (I can't remember the exact lbs now). I haven't worked it out, because I am fairly disinterested in weight gain during pregnancy (You're pregnant. You gain weight. You give birth. You lose weight. Time scale matters not. End of!) and can't remember my starting weight exactly (9st 5lbs? 9st 7lbs? Not sure). In previous pregnancies at this stage of my 3rd trimester, I have usually gained a lb per week of pregnancy, so if my lower estimate was correct for my starting weight, then I had gained 25lbs at 27 weeks (or 23lbs if not), which is a little less than usual maybe? But I always end up gaining more than a lb per week from around the middle of my 3rd trimester onwards - sometimes several! :S

Anyway, it's all the same really, and that's quite nice! I have spent all these years and pregnancies slightly apprehensive about "what might happen" to my body should I ever be carrying a baby girl! ;) It's, well, just.... a baby really, as far as my body is concerned! ;)

In the last week or so, I have started to really feel more big and pregnant than before. I feel uncomfy quite a bit of the time now, but still able to enjoy being pregnant! I love it! :) I have restless legs like crazy at night which disturb my sleep quite a bit. Not as bad as last time yet, but bad enough. I have tried the liquid magnesium (run out now) and didn't notice any difference, unfortunately. I haven't had much trouble with leg/foot cramps for a while, so I will try going back on the magnesium if that starts up again.

I feel very big around the tummy! ;) I can't bend down to get things while sitting, or I get a horrible sharp piercing pain under my bump at the very front. I am having a LOT of trouble with ligament pains this pregnancy - sharp searing pain in the sides/underside of my bump, which is normal in pregnancy. I think I noticed more of that last time too. I wonder if that comes with the territory having had this many babies? I have ligament pains every pregnancy, sometimes quite a bit, but the first 5 had nothing on the 6th and 7th. It wakes me at night sometimes, and is so searing that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I am usually doing something really contorted or awkward like, ohhh, lying on my back! ;) Or my side. Something innocent and un-stressful for my ligaments like that - it's very perplexing! Changing position used to fix it pretty quick in my earlier pregnancies, but it's not doing much this time. It's as though just carrying a baby in there is stressing my ligaments out constantly. I am not sure if it has to do with her position, but I can't tell if there's a correlation.

I had my 28 week midwife appointment, and that went well. My urine was clear of any troubles, and I had my blood taken for antibodies (routine) and iron levels. They said they'd call me if my iron was low, and I haven't heard from them so I assume it's fine - it always always is during my pregnancies, so it's not a surprise to me. I went through a tired patch a while back and was pale, so Heather suspected low iron and had me take Floradix liquid iron for a while. I never finished it - I was just so sure it was a pregnancy/growth-spurt thing, and that my iron was fine, so I stopped taking it eventually. And sure enough, it seems to be fine! :)

Lydia was head down at my 28 week appointment but very high up, curled in a ball - nowhere near engaging her head in my pelvis, which is to be expected. She has plenty of room to turn about all over the place since she's my 7th baby! She is SO active!! I got worried a couple of weeks ago that there was something wrong because she seemed TOO active one evening! Evenings were her busiest time and one evening she just started kicking about like crazy. I mean, you're supposed to have 10 kicks every hour, and she was kicking more than 10 times in every MINUTE, for over an hour and a half straight!! I got concerned after half an hour and got my doppler out. My catastrophic imagination was picturing her entangled in her cord and frantically struggling to get free before she ran out of oxygen, or something like that. *sigh*

Her heartrate was around 130 (just as it was at my 28 week appointment), and it went up into the 150s range when she was particularly excited, but otherwise stayed pretty steady. No big dips. I listened in for about 20 minutes straight, and even found her umbilical cord pulse, which was pipping away nice and strongly. That reassured me somewhat that she was getting good blood flow and that (hopefully) her cord didn't have a bloomin' great knot in it or something like that (slightly more paranoid now, after Elijah was born with a true knot in his cord!). She kept it up for a long time and then went quieter for only about 20 minutes before starting with the frantic exercises again. My uterus got tired of it after a while and felt sore and crampy, and I had a lot of sore Braxton Hicks contractions! But I went to bed and she seemed more calm the next day - busy again in the evening though. Lately she isn't quite so predictable in the evenings. She is still awake and kicky and busy, but not always for very long. She is very active at various times throughout the day, evening, and night, at the moment. She kicks and pummels, and doesn't do many slow movements that I've noticed, like a long lazy stretch of her leg across me (some of my boys did that!), or slow squirms. On the other hand, she isn't at Matthew's level of strength and vigor in there either! Not many babies are, mind you! ;)

Lately I am feeling tired and breathless and pregnant. Normal 3rd trimester-ness, but it has really just started in the past week or so. I just feel under a lot of demand, physically, that's all. Not tired as in sleep-deprived, although I am that too, but just tired with the effort of growing and carrying a baby. She seems big to me, but I'm hoping I'm wrong! ;) My bump measured 29 weeks at my 28 week appointment, and she kicked about against the midwife trying to feel her position a lot! She also kicked (hard) the doppler directly at various times when I was listening to her, like she didn't want it poking her space! She is easily woken up by Elijah banging my tummy with his little hands or headbutting (he does this a LOT - like Arthur and Matthew did as babies/toddlers). I correct him all the time for it, and he has also learnt the word "gentle", and he strokes or "apologises" when he has whacked my tummy (or anywhere else on me) and I've said, "Ow! That hurts Mummy!" I have been working with him on it for a few months, because I could see the kind of baby he is (bit of a hitter) and wanted him to be clear on "gentle" and making someone better after hurting them, for when Lydia arrives. He isn't aggressive/mean, he is probably on the autistic spectrum like the other brother(s) who acted that way at that age. It's sensory in nature, for Elijah, not aggressive. I understand him. :) Anyway, he wakes her up a lot when he does that, as does Samuel or Benjamin doing loooouuuud tantrummy screaming right next to me on occasion. Hopefully she's being conditioned now to the kind of world she'll be born into, haha! ;)

We still haven't told the boys her name, but they are BEGGING to know, and we've told them that we'll let them know in September at some point, so that's quite close now. My scan dating says that my due date is October 20th (my dates by my chart say the 22nd, which I'm personally sticking with), and it's the 20th today, so that's exactly TWO MONTHS to go until my due date!!! Only 2 months!!!! That's sooooooooooo soon!! I'm exactly 31 weeks pregnant today, so only 9 weeks to go! I can't believe how fast it is going, and how close I am getting to holding my very own actual baby daughter in my arms for the first time (ever!)!! I'm so excited! To see her, and find out what she looks like - who she looks like. To put her in girly clothes - I just have that tight-throat feeling of squashing a squeal EVERY SINGLE TIME I think of that, even though that seems a really trivial or "shallow" thing to consider!

Elijah is starting to need his first haircut pretty soon, and the boys were talking about it today. Nathan said that the new baby would probably need her hair cutting when she got to be Elijah's age, and I said noooooooo, I would not cut it! I would let it grow and grow and grow, and only tidy the ends occasionally! :) They were all open-mouthed asking me WHY, lol! So I explained that I wanted my little girl to have long hair because I liked long hair on little girls. They paused to consider that, and then Arthur agreed, "Yes, I do too!" :) I hadn't thought about that before. We found the photo of Nathan from when he was about 15 months old, right before his first haircut, where I had used pink floral hairbands to put his hair into bunches - ohh he DID look sweet, hehe! But I knew it was a quick silly "thing" to do before cutting his hair. Suddenly today I realised I would be able to do that EVERY DAY with Lydia's hair and it would not be silly in the least if I did!!! Joy!! :)

I haven't started to even think about a "to do" list to get ready for her arrival yet! Normally I have by now, I think? I have so much else going on that it hasn't occurred to me, plus I have really genuinely been taken by surprise at the speed of the last few weeks passing by. I am currently in the midst of a new discipline/reward system for the boys, to get a handle on the trickiest part of my days (their behaviour and general stuff like that), and this week we began a new chores system for the first time, to help me as I get more pregnant, and in the postnatal period, and also to enable me in any case to have time to manage (read: not burn out, which would be the alternative, I assure you!), homeschool, and meet their needs, etc. Next week, Neil is off work and we are doing a "staycation", going on day trips but returning home at the end of each day. So that takes planning too. The week after is our first week back in formal schooling for the best part of a year. We've been unschooling all this time, and I am keen to start back with some formal lessons in the basics at least, and continue the "free-range" learning the rest of the time. More planning (lots and lots!) needed for a new year of homeschooling! Then suddenly I have 6 or 7 weeks to go, and yet I've only just started school with the boys for the year, so that will take my full focus for a few weeks as we get into a rhythm. I hope we'll get going well and manage to keep going up until the very end of my pregnancy, so that it's not too stop-start-y for the boys when we stop to have a baby for a bit. We'll probably stop until pretty much the end of the year - at least, I'm not expecting anything of myself until the New Year, but if Lydia is colic-free (!) and an "easy" baby like Samuel was, I can see us starting back in early December if not before, especially if we were off to a good start in the autumn. We shall see. Colicky baby girl? No plans for school until Next Year (ie. off my radar for a while!)! Love the flexibility homeschooling allows us! :)

I am getting rather excited about giving birth, although I'm sure the natural anxieties will return nearer the time when it feels more real! Last time felt like a GOOD birth experience for me (yay, at last!), not scary or unmanageable, and so for the first time I am looking forward to the next one! I know they're all different, but I'm hoping hoping hoping that the trend will continue. So far my labours are getting shorter - the last one was about 4 or 5 hours from 1st contraction to birth - and I am able to manage so much better because I feel very used to the sensations and remember, even in the moment, how I coped with that kind of pain last time, etc. Heather makes a big difference on the few occasions when I "lose it" and start freaking out or panicking - she brings me gently back to earth very quickly, and reminds me to go with my body, which I did 100% last time (again, for the first time), and which might well have been the reason I didn't tear (again, first time!) enough to require stitches. My recovery in the hours after Elijah's birth was SO much different to all the previous times, and I think it had to have something to do with the no tearing/stitches thing. Anyway, I hope Lydia's birth will be quick and straightforward and uncomplicated. And no stitches would be a marvellous bonus too! ;)

Okay, glad to have managed a decent update, but soooooo tired now - must go to bed. As always, I know there's plenty of stuff that I will have missed, but never mind. I'll really try not to leave it so many weeks this time! I want a belly picture for 32 weeks for sure, so I'll hopefully update with that. My next midwife appointment isn't until 34 weeks. I asked them to visit me at home for that, which they've agreed to do, and that makes it much easier! :) I'll update when I can! Thanks for hanging in there with this blog if you're still there! ;)

26 weeks, 2 days!

26 weeks pregnant already! Only 5 days to go until I start my 3rd and final trimester! I can barely catch my breath over how fast this pregnancy is whizzing by, and I am so rushed in mind and body all the time that I am sadly not getting much chance to stop and THINK about it each week and savour the pregnant weeks passing by. When I wrote the title of this post, I actually wasn't sure if I was still 26 weeks or if the past couple of days had been another week (they've been reeeeeally long days and busy ones too), so maybe I had forgotten that I'd turned 27 weeks already?! But no - definitely 26 weeks still! ;) That's the first time I've ever not been 100% tuned in to my pregnancy, week-by-week, though, which makes me feel a bit sad. I wish I could slow time down a bit and just... be able to stop my head whirling enough to take note of where I am and what's going on. Life is busier and more hectic than ever right now. Neil's old "work car" that used to be our family car back when we had just Arthur and Matthew (!) finally bit the dust and we can't afford to replace it, so he is getting to work via public transport. This instantly turns his commute into 2 hours on the way to work, and at least 2 hours (sometimes 3, ugh!) on the way home, which in turn makes my day actually painfully long. Don't get me wrong, I still LOVE my job, and wouldn't have it any other way! But 13 hours alone raising 6 small children and incubating another is really really really hard work. I'm also supposed to be homeschooling and coping with very impossible autistic and crazy ADHD type behaviour, but I am currently doing a really bad job at those two things along with the rest of it. Some of the boys are not awake when Neil leaves for work (but enough of them always are, that I have to be up early too), and then I can't (actually can't) do bedtime on my own so they are tired and cranky and hyper and late for bed every evening, because of waiting for Neil to get home. They should be sleeping by the time he gets home, but I can't get Elijah to sleep at the moment (Neil walks with him and he is out like a light in minutes, but he won't breastfeed to sleep right now), and the other boys' bedtime on a good night takes 60-90 minutes all told. If Elijah is awake during any of that time, he is SCREAMING, and I do mean that literally! Sometimes I've tried to do it, but it has been so awful, and 2 hours of working at it still ended up with Neil finally arriving home (like the night the buses were dreadful and he took over 3 hours getting home) and the kids are still up, and Elijah has been so distraught that he's still sleep-sobbing an HOUR after going to sleep in Neil's arms (which of course only took seconds).

Anyway, it's too much, and I can't manage it, but hopefully it's temporary. I don't know why it would be (house move? somehow another car?) but that's what I'm clinging to in order to stay vaguely sane. I am doing the best I can, and some days are better than others, but it's just too much to manage day after day. I don't know how single mothers manage, but on the other hand, I might not be a single mother in general, but there is something to be said for the sheer number of children I have, at the ages they are, with the specific issues some of them have...

I am not sleeping well. My RLS (restless leg syndrome) is at its worst again - I have it always, pregnant or not, but it's particularly bad during the latter part of pregnancy for me. This time I am taking liquid magnesium but it's not apparently making any difference. Or to the cramps in the sides of my lower legs, above the ankle. I am waking with those a lot at night, and I always need a wee in the night now too. I have trouble getting to sleep for an hour or so most nights, and once I wake for any reason, the RLS kicks in ('scuse the pun!) instantly. I also have the worst hayfever I've ever had, this year, since March. Thankfully it doesn't wake me, but it starts within about 2 minutes of being awake, with a vengeance, sneezing and itching and prickling and streaming. Unless I fall asleep pinching my nose HARD, I can't get back to sleep because of it! I have learned to prop my hand against the pillow in a certain way so I can maintain a hard pinch with finger and thumb on my nose, lol! It sounds crazy but it's the only thing that lets the itching and sneezing ease off enough for me to drop off again after a while. Elijah has been sleeping very badly this past week, I'm not sure why. I've learned that his sleep cycle is currently 50 minutes long, almost to the exact minute (I check the clock). Some nights he has woken every single 50 minutes, all night long, and needed resettling each time, or feeding. Most nights, though, he's done a few night wakings (which he always has done) and had a breastfeed to settle him back off, but woken between 2.30 and 3.15 somewhere, and then fussed and sat up and screeched and so on for 90 minutes or so before finally going back to sleep. I can't even describe in words how exhausted I am right now. And yet it's late, and here I am updating my blog. I am tired of never getting life "recorded" for prosperity here, to look back on. And I only got chance to eat dinner somewhere after 10pm tonight (that's happening too often lately as well), so I needed to stay up to digest for a while before going to bed anyway. I am having a lot more trouble with reflux this week - maybe the late dinners or stress are connected? So anyway, I try to stay up a bit longer to combat that. Vicious cycle? Hmmm.

Tomorrow Neil has to be out the door at 6.50am and he has a work function straight after work, so he won't be home until after midnight. Being Friday, I am already toast for the week, so I am DREADING it. Especially the impossible bedtime. And just surviving. Never mind the heatwave added to the mix - I'm actually tolerating the heat uncharacteristically well! :) Maybe I'm just too pressed in too many other areas to be able to give it enough focus?! I cannot WAIT for Saturday, because then Friday will be done.

What a negative post so far. I didn't mean to moan, just to honestly describe life at the moment. That's just a basic summary really.

Pregnancy-wise, Lydia is kicking around a lot, and her kicks are getting bigger and bigger all the time! I just cannot WAIT to meet her and hold her in my arms! I am so relieved to be into the "viable" stage, but I am still nervous when I do too much and have a ton of Braxton Hicks that hurt a bit, or lose what looks for all the world like mucus plug (have had a lot of that in the past couple of weeks, and almost asked Heather about the mucus plug at one point, but decided she would just tell me to go and get checked out by the midwife and I didn't have time or energy to do that, so I didn't mention it in the end!). 26 weeks is great, but still way too early for my baby girl to be arriving! I need her NOT to come too long after my actual due date (although I know for me, it's a possibility that she will anyway), because Heather's commitments mean that she is unavailable to me in any way, shape, or form, from when I am 40 weeks and 6 days onwards. :( Please please please be a due date baby, little one! The stress will be much greater as the time approaches this time around, because of Heather's plans.

My bump is growing fast, and the boys are loving it! I am getting crazy comments like, "Are there triplets in there?!" and round wide eyes when I answer that I'm due in October, etc. Apparently I'm big, but I don't actually think I am, certainly not for me anyway. I MUST take another belly pic - I've missed 24 weeks which I'm annoyed about, and STILL haven't taken one at 26 weeks! I don't seem to see Neil much at the moment, and when he's home (like right now), he is working on his work laptop (like he is right now) because he has a lot on at work. So he isn't taking my picture, and I don't have time to set the camera up and take one myself. :(

Last week (25 weeks) I weighed myself randomly, and I was 10 stone and 9lbs. That's really just a note for myself, so I don't forget, because I have no idea how that relates in any way, lol! I can't remember my starting weight, nor do I have time to look it up or figure out how many lbs I've gained so far. But here, at least I've made note of my weight, so that in 20 years when life has slowed down, I can sit down and work it out! ;) It's just for stats anyway, I do not care how much I gain. I am pregnant, I gain weight. End of. How much is just like how long a piece of string is. The string all gets cut to the same length after a certain amount of months anyway, so it doesn't matter how long it gets to.

Okay, I'm sure there's TONS more to say, but my brain is fried and I have to get some sleep. Sorry it's not the "best" of entries. I am happy!!! I love being pregnant and the joys that come with the demands of parenting lots of little ones with their own unique challenges! It's hard, but I'm blessed, and I know it. That's all it boils down to really, even when I complain - which I hope I don't do too often! :) Hopefully I'll do a more normal update soon.

22 weeks - belly pics, baby clothes, and other things!

Too exhausted to post tonight, but if I don't get these photos on here then I may NEVER get around to it! I got a 20 week photo (albeit the day before I turned 21 week!) and then another tonight at 22w4d. I look surprisingly similar-sized in them both, although I had a loose top on in the first one and then a snug wrap-type top on in the second. My bump has grown a LOT in the past week or so, I mean really really a lot, so I'm baffled as to why it doesn't really show in the photos!

I'll put them in the belly gallery eventually, but for now here they are - the first one is 20w6d:



And this next one is 22w4d. I look more tired in this one, but nowhere near as tired as I actually feel!



People are just now seeing me as obviously pregnant at church - just today I had many people congratulating me for the first time, saying they'd wondered for a while but didn't want to ask in case I just hadn't "gone down" after the last one yet! ;) Now they are SURE, hehe! I wore what I'm wearing in the 22 week photo to church this morning so I guess it was a fairly obvious outfit! ;)

So exhausted though. I don't feel too well with it. Heather told me at church this morning that I look pale enough to concern her, and she knows I am not sleeping great at the moment but she would like me to get my haemoglobin levels checked. I am inwardly sighing at that idea, because of the faff of arranging and attending a midwife appointment (I don't have one now until 28 weeks otherwise), and I'm reluctant to bother anyway because I've NEVER been anywhere near low with my haemoglobin during any of my pregnancies, but I've been this tired here and there during all of my pregnancies, especially the last few, I think. I don't think it's a getting older thing, I think it's just the sheer demand on me physically as I have more children. I am breastfeeding two (very little milk left though), and a third (Benjamin) is still having the odd breastfeed at bedtime several nights a week, and very occasionally in the day if he asks and it's convenient for me at that time. Elijah wakes several times at night and breastfeeds. Lately I have much worse Restless Leg Syndrome (typical for me during pregnancy, though I can get it badly when not pregnant if I'm tired enough), and it affects my arms too and sometimes my torso when it's really bad. This makes it almost impossible to bear lying still enough to breastfeed during the night, and Elijah gets cross and screechy if he can't nurse to sleep. *sigh* So night wakings are more prolonged and demanding than they used to be. He's settling sometimes now with me rubbing his back for a few minutes. But it can be 30 or more minutes up with him in the night per waking, sometimes. Yawwwwn. I have no plans to night wean, though I probably should start thinking about what I plan to do about it soon.

Anyway, in the absence of a midwife appointment/haemoglobin check (which I feel sure is fine anyway), Heather has insisted I go out and buy some Floradix liquid iron to take, and I've done that today, along with some liquid magnesium of the same brand. As well as the Restless Leg Syndrome, I am having increasing bother from cramps in the muscles on the sides of my lower legs - not the big calf muscle that's more typical. A couple of nights ago I woke up at 4.30am with one of them in hard cramp and I couldn't release it no matter what I did! I tried stretching it, walking, massaging. Elijah was asleep next to me, but I knew he would probably wake up pretty soon if I kept fidgetting about and then I knew the pain of the cramp would prevent me being able to lie still and breastfeed him until he was asleep again, so I got up and tried to walk some more. I was just debating waking Neil and asking him to keep an eye on Elijah (as he was stirring) so I could try - I don't know what! - hot compress? Painkillers?! I had no idea how to release the cramp! If I didn't physically pull my foot straight, the whole thing twisted by itself at the ankle until it was bent inwards and under, and I couldn't override it with just my muscles, I had to physically force it in place with my hands and hold it there! While I was standing in the dark on the landing wondering what to do, I noticed it easing a little bit, and so I stayed where I was until it was eased enough to head back to bed. It hurt like I'd strained the muscle the next day and it's a bit sore today, but I was careful to try not to move that particular leg muscle at ALL last night when I woke at 4am (for a wee - needing a wee once each night this week, which is new this pregnancy). It felt "dodgy", like it would have like to cramp up but thankfully it didn't. So hopefully magnesium will help with both the RLS and the cramps.

Little baby-lady-girl is growing well! She has grown SO much, I can feel the difference in the last two weeks. Her kicks went to "pretty big" last week and I thought that was a big jump in growth, but just yesterday and today I suddenly have kicks above my tummy button from feet which feel like proper 3rd trimester paddles, lol! I also felt her doing all sorts of fiddly plucky things with what felt very clearly like fingers, low down, this afternoon. She was head down at the scan, and I think she still is, although at this early stage that could change several times a day even!

I LOVE using the word "she"!! It is really settling in now that I'm having a baby girl, and I can't describe how joyful the past two weeks have been since we found out! :) I have bought a number of baby clothes on eBay and they've been arriving thick and fast in the post since then - such a wonderful fun time! :) The boys are excited, especially Arthur, seeing her clothes arrive. When the first ones came, they went a bit quiet and Arthur said it felt a bit strange seeing such different clothes, because it reminded him that it would be something different this time, and he doesn't do well with unknowns (Asperger's) so he was a bit unsettled by it at first. I reminded him that she would look like the boys, because she has come from the same Mummy and Daddy, and he brightened right up about it when I told him happily how I saw her nose and lips at the scan and they looked so very much like Matthew's had at his scan! :)

They are DESPERATE to know her name! We told them we are not going to tell them her name until much later in the pregnancy, because it's Mummy and Daddy's secret right now. They know the name will be for family and close friends ONLY, and that we are worried the littler boys will tell people accidentally if they know, so we will tell them "when it's time", later, but definitely before she is born. Arthur keeps asking questions all the same - he is never one to drop a subject, lol! He asked if it's a Bible name, and I said yes. He asked if it was Mary, and I said no, it's not found very often in the Bible. He asked if it was an Old Testament name or a New Testament one, and I told him New Testament, but THAT'S IT - no more clues! He will figure it out otherwise (he may anyway!) and I am not going to tell him if he guesses right, not at the moment anyway.

I am getting used to thinking of Lydia by name. I have her little clothes piled on the stairs where they are placed out of the way when they arrive and have been looked at and stroked, etc. I have my favourites of them all upstairs in the box of Elijah's clothes (he's STILL in 6-9 month clothing!) next to my bed. There's a sleepsuit that I got which I am in LOVE with. I should take a photo of it and post it. As soon as I unwrapped it and saw it, I knew it was the first thing I wanted Lydia to be dressed in after she's born. KNEW it. It is size newborn (7.5lbs, I think, which she should still fit into if she's a pound heavier if memory serves, as a brand new little person!) with slightly frilled cuffs on the sleeves, white with pink trim, and little pink roses printed all over it. It's still just a sleepsuit, but I'm in love. Every time I wake up and get out of bed I see it, and every time I take Elijah up for a nap or get him when he wakes, and when I go to bed. It makes me smile and feel warm inside every time, and I always stop to touch it for a moment. I say her name inside my head when I see it, and my whole heart fills with longing for the day when she's HERE and I put her in it (or someone does for me), and I hold her (I typed "him", haha! Force of habit!) - MY DAUGHTER! - and look at her in my arms, being all real and mine and clothed in this beautiful girly little sleepsuit. Sometimes I have a moment where fear clutches at my throat as I think of mothers who are filled with pain looking at a sleepsuit like I am doing, with a more raw and unbearable longing in their hearts for the baby that should be inside it, because their little one never made it to that point. I don't know what I'd do if that happened to Lydia - to me. Just for a second, I look at it and imagine looking at it with that longing. It's crazy to let my mind go there, but somehow it's hard to stop it - I don't let it linger, and I pray and try to focus on something else. I have these flashes of anxiety about ALL of my unborn babies - it's not just because she's a girl.

Anyway, her sweet first outfit is ready! :) And I'm having such a glorious time choosing and purchasing and stroking my little girl's teeny weeny little DRESSES, and floral patterns, and little frills on things, and sweet shades of pink against whites or denims. And baby tights that match a pattern on a top/dress set!!!! Even the boys went, "Aaawwwwww!!" when I pulled that one out of the package one morning when the postman came! :) Whenever packages arrive they all stop playing and crowd round, shouting, "Baby girl clothes! Baby girl clothes!" How I love my boys! :)

When the first eBay package came, I took photos of the items in it, as I had promised a friend on Facebook that I would! So I have those to post here, for sweet memory's sake! It was a precious moment for me to receive my first "pink" package in the post, and a permanent memory treasure, so I'm glad to record it here with photos! :) They are all sized "newborn" and very soft and lovely! The dress is soft brownish cord with pink sequins on the embroidery, and buttons on the back in the shape of hearts and flowers! :)

Arthur constantly refers to Lydia as "my little sister", almost as though he's longing to use the term as often as possible while he doesn't have an actual name he can use. Part of me really wants to tell him her name! He finds an item of her clothing lying around and grabs it up, calling to me, "What shall I do with my little sister's top?" He says he doesn't think he can bear waiting until she's here!

One day last week, an eBay package arrived with a couple of outfits in size 3-6 months. One of them looked overly generous in size, though it was definitely 3-6 months (Marks and Spencer brand), and when I took it out and held it up, Arthur said, "That would fit Elijah!" I held it up against him (he was toddling along some furniture in the living room) and realised it would be a perfect fit!!! Arthur BEGGED me to put it on Elijah, "just to see", and so I did! I took photos. Arthur was fussing over him like crazy after I took them. Elijah kept wanting to do normal stuff and walk about and play, etc. and Arthur wouldn't stop following him and picking him up. He kept holding him in his arms, bouncing him a bit, saying how sweet he looked! I noticed he seemed to be holding him more tenderly and gently than usual, and he told me it was because Elijah seemed "different" with the baby girl clothes on. I asked in what way, and he said, "Just softer and sweeter... like he's a baby girl... I just can't wait until our baby girl is here!!!" Bless his heart! I don't know where he got the stereotypes from there, but they're straight from his heart/head, not influenced - I don't know how he could have influence in terms of gender-related things. There's only one gender of children here, they're homeschooled and watch no TV! They have watched TV in the past though, including advertisements. *sigh* Hate those things! Anyway, here are the photos of sweet lil 'Lijah in his baby sister's clothes - he looks so pretty and sweet, hehe!

I hadn't noticed until Ella mentioned it that he is being all dainty with his little pointy toe in the first photo, hehe! He wore the outfit for an hour or two, and then I thought I ought to probably change him out of it, since it was too warm for the weather and he'd dribbled on it pretty well in that time! ;) Here he is all "boy" again an hour later:

Sweet tiny manny! He's so tiny for his age!! I bought him his first shoes (at last, after a massive search!) this week - he fits size 2F (!!!) but I bought him size 2.5F as well because he's sure to be in those soon. So weeeeeeeeny!!

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired, and I'm sure I have a lot else to report on my pregnancy over the past week or two, but I can't think any more and I just need to get some sleep. I'm glad to have updated with the photos and the belly pics, and with how it feels to be having a baby GIRL (GIRL GIRL GIIIIIRRRRLLLL!!! Can't stop saying it like that still!) in the couple of weeks since we found out!

I will try to update again soon!

Scan update - IT'S A.....

The scan was really straightforward, total answer to prayer. There was a 15 minute delay when we arrived which they let us know right away and apologised, because there was a "problem" which would need 15 more minutes to sort out. Immediately we felt so sombre because we thought it was likely that some poor lady having her scan had discovered something wrong. A tear-stained lady came out about 15 minutes later and was showed to the Early Pregnancy Unit by a member of the reception staff. :( We just felt so sad for her, whatever the issue was, and I felt nervous about whether my own little one would be okay.

A few minutes later we were called in, and the lady commented on the enormity of my file, haha! It contains all my records from all my previous pregnancies and births, as they were made at the time. My file is FOUR INCHES thick with paperwork, and is held together with rubber bands. The funniest thing is that on the front cover it says in huge letters, "VOL. 2" hahaha! ;) That's just the second volume! She said she thinks they ought to start volume 3 because the rest of my pregnancy paperwork will never fit into volume 2! ;) I told her we had had a lot of babies, and she asked how many children we had. I said six, and she made impressed noises! Then she started the scan.

I wore - and I want to note it because I want to remember - I wore a DRESS. Never worn a dress to a scan before, because - how impractical?!! I really wanted to wear my denim pinafore (jumper, in the States) maternity dress because I love it, I feel pretty in it because it is a flattering shape to a baby bump, and because it suited the weather well. I wore it over a very pink maternity T-shirt, and I even wore pink underwear. I have my nails glittery, and my toenails glittered with my summer sandals on. On the way out I wanted to tie my hair back, and the first hairband I grabbed from the bowl was hot pink! ;) I felt REALLY silly for my internal thoughts, but in my heart I was thinking, "I'll feel silly if it's a boy, but impractical or not, I'm wearing this in honour of my DAUGHTER." I felt DAFT, seriously, but the feeling was nice and strong, so I went with it and enjoyed it for however long it was going to last! It was fun anyway! :)

So of course I had to hoist up my dress for the scan. I went with unbuttoning a section of it at first, but the sonographer just said, "Probably best to just lift the whole thing up, if that's okay." lol! So I did - I don't mind anyway. They put a ton of paper tucked into your underwear over your lap anyway.

She asked straight away if we wanted to know the sex of the baby, and I said, "Yes please!" She asked what we had already, and I said, "Six boys." She said, "Oh my goodness!" but was very laid-back about it really. We knew from previous scans that they always do all the measurements and checks first, and the gender check last of all. The scan takes at least 20 minutes even if everything is easy to spot and measure, so it's a while to wait to find out! At a couple of points during the scan, I was almost dizzy with anticipation and didn't know how I would bear it another second! Crazy. I am not normally like that at the scans, but then usually I am just waiting for confirmation that it's a boy, and this time is the first time I really thought we might be looking at our first baby girl - definitely exciting and the anticipation was difficult to bear at times!

It was so lovely seeing our little one! Straight away we could see a little heart beating strongly, and the first proper image we got (seconds into the scan) was this profile shot, which was clear enough for the sonographer to take a print of for us straight away:

The baby was so quiet, and as the lady pointed out, chin firmly on the chest! See those little pursed lips with how hard the chin was pressed down! Precious! :) I think the baby was asleep because, right after that the sonographer had to start being a bit more firm with the probey thing to get some head measurements and at that moment, the baby did a huge stretch! Huuuuuuge!! She said, "Baby's stretching its arm riiiight up over its head, can you see?" It was a real proper just-waking-up-from-a-deep-sleep stretch, with the arched spine and twist over to the side with the reaching arm and everything. The other arm was scrunched right in to the chest during that stretch - a proper waking stretch! :) She got a picture of the baby mid-stretch - you can't see the arm over the head though, but it's up there:

After that followed LOTS of very active wiggling, turning over and kicking about! She kept saying, "A right old wiggler!" and started to have a bit of trouble getting the measurements, but thankfully the baby didn't go too crazy for long, and settled down for patches here and there so measurements were easy to get done. The two head measurements (bi-parietal diameter and head circumference) were both dated as 20 weeks and 2 days (I'm 20 weeks and 3 days, so pretty spot on!). We saw the stomach full of fluid, and the baby's little mouth opening and closing sometimes. The baby turned its head this way and that - the lady said it was like the baby was shaking its head in response to her suggestion that we get some head measurements, lol!

She did a close-up on the baby's little face to check the upper lift for a cleft (none there), and OH it was so beautiful! I always love this particular view of my babies in utero. I wish we had a picture, but the alloted number for each person is 2 (cost £5 this time!!! Used to be £3 which was bad enough!), and she was kind enough to give us 3 as it was. The shape of this baby's nose and lips I have seen a LOT of times before. I look at them every day. They are definitely the same nose and lips as some of the big brothers (they look identical to the view of Matthew's which I DID get a picture of, at his scan), and it was lovely and warming to see such visual evidence before birth that this baby is definitely "one of mine"! :)

She showed us the legs and feet, and I was thinking, "I don't want to see any clues, I don't want to see any clues!" I soooo didn't want to accidentally see "something" before it was time to take a proper look. I wanted a full surprise! Then she showed us from underneath, where the umbilical cord joined the baby, and it took only a second to flash through the depth of field from below the baby to a cross-section of the abdomen, higher up. In that second I could have sworn I saw a flash of 3 lines between the legs, and NO protrusion at all, but it was a split second, and I put it out of my head as fast as I could.

Then we went back to an image of the baby, who was back in a relaxing position. The little hand was moving about near the baby's mouth, and she printed out another picture of that for us. I like the slightly open mouth, as though contemplating whether or not to suck those fingers or the thumb! :)

We saw the kidneys, feet (not curly! Yay!), and she measured the abdominal circumference (dated at 20 weeks and 4 days! Great!) and measured the little teeny bones in the arms and legs. The femur length was dated as 20 weeks and FIVE days! This baby is not going to be Arthur/Benjamin-shaped! They have bigger heads than average (2 weeks ahead!) and shorter legs (2 weeks behind!). The other body shape we do (Neil's) is all the measurements pretty much spot on for dates. So this baby seems to be following that pattern. The last baby I birthed with the bigger head pattern (Benjamin) had a FIFTEEN INCH head (I kid you not) at birth - to compare, Elijah's was 12.75 inches, on the small side of average. 15 inches = owch. So that part of the measurements of this particular baby is a nice thing! ;)

Then when all the measurements and things were done, she said, "Right then..." and we knew she was about to check the gender! :) I couldn't really tell what she was doing at first, although I couldn't see the usual evidence of gender that I was used to, so I wasn't sure what I was seeing at first, as she was changing the view quite a bit and I couldn't see the v-shape of the legs either side most of the time, so I wasn't sure if it was the right shot yet. Then she gave a sort of sigh (like a light-hearted one though), and said, "You'll have to have another one after this." I think my heart about stopped and I said slowly, "Whhyyyy?" in a doubtful sort of way, before I realised what she meant - I thought at first that she meant it was a boy and we'd have to have another one if we wanted a chance of a girl! She simply answered, "To keep this one company!" and then I realised what she meant and I went round-eyed and mouthed as she swung the screen that she was looking at around to face me - we were watching the one up just below the ceiling, and hers was right next to my head. She paused the scan at the perfect v-shaped legs shot. I wish I had a picture to show you, it was so clear, I could even draw it from memory, lol! V-shaped legs, NOTHING protruding whatsoever, and a flatness in between, with the classic 3 lines. There was a brief moment of silence and then I said, "It's a GIRL!!!" My voice broke on the word girl - I didn't expect to get tearful, but it suddenly overwhelmed me, all this emotion and joy and excitement. I never thought I would hear my own voice say (of one of my own children!), "It's a girl"!! I didn't cry and cry or anything, though I could have, ohhhhh I could have, lol! I tried not to, and wiped my eyes and blinked a lot and didn't speak for a while because I would have just criiiiieeed. I have been ultra weepy this past week at the slightest thing, so I figured hormones had a lot to do with it too! I didn't want to come out of the room looking all like something was wrong because I had been crying, and I didn't want to look like that when we arrived home either.

I was just flabbergasted, honestly, lost for words for a while as she continued the scan. The first thing I said was, "Are you SURE?!" although it was obvious obvious obvious what I was looking at. She smiled and went back to the live scan (not the paused picture) and we looked again. She changed the angle slightly and zoomed in a bit, and said, "Look, it's really clear - you can even see the labia clearly." Neil was so funny, he sort of went all uncomfortable and averted his eyes a bit, saying, "I don't feel like I should be looking at this!" hehehe! His first disbelieving comment, by the way, was, "How are we going to name her?!" because we've never agreed on girls names easily (or at all!) in the past! I had told him in the waiting area that I wasn't sure about Toby Joseph any more, and I didn't know what to do about it. He just listened and hmmmed and was generally understanding. I guess the wobble about Toby's name was because this baby wasn't a boy! :)

The sonographer had one more check over every part of the baby, while I didn't take much of it in at all from that point, as I felt almost physically giddy with the news we'd just had, and like almost in shock over it, lol! I couldn't concentrate on anything and I just kept saying, "I can't believe it!" if I said anything at all! At the very end of the scan, she said she would let us see again, and showed us the very obvious girly shot for the last time. :) Definitely a girl!

Soooo, since then we have come home, and told the boys and Heather. They all were crowding and jumping up and down, shouting and yelling, "What baby IS it?!!" as we came in the door. Some were at the kitchen table drawing, and Elijah was in the booster seat at the table having a snack and a drink, but Heather got him out straight away so I could give him a cuddle, as he'd got a bit grizzly in the last few minutes before we got home. Other than that, all six boys were fine and well-behaved while we were out, which was a relief! Samuel had seemed upset to see us go when we were about to leave, because he'd just woken from a spontaneous nap, and was a bit groggy, but apparently he was fine. Heather started reading them a story just as we left and they didn't even go to the window to see us leave - very reassuring! And then we weren't long - maybe 90 minutes from leaving the house to getting back there.

Anyway, we waited until we had all the boys around us, and they sat patiently on the sofa to hear the news. Heather sat on the school table, and I held Elijah. I said, "Our baby is.... a... GIRL baby!" and they all started making a lot of squealing and yelling noises (happy ones!) and Heather started whooping and cheering, and came right over to hug me, saying, "I KNEW it!" hehe! I asked her how she knew, and she said because my pregnancy had been different, even if subtly so. Morning sickness starting a bit early, and being a bit worse, etc. It was a happy moment! The boys all seemed thrilled and excited, but quickly went back to their activities they'd been doing before, so that's all good. Nobody was disappointed or anxious-looking. A sister! A sister for my boys! How wonderful! :)

The rest of the day has been filled with usual boy-wrangling, dinner, bedtime, and phoning various family members (and updating Facebook, which has been wonderful fun with all the lovely comments and messages!). I phoned my parents first and they were happy and excited. This baby is their 10th grandchild (they only have two children - never in their wildest dreams would they have expected probably even half the number of grandchildren, haha!), and only their second granddaughter. My brother's eldest, Thea, is six, and she now has two little brothers, ages 3, and 6 months. On Neil's side, his two sisters are the only ones with children. One sister has two daughters, aged nearly 8, and nearly 5. The other has a 2-year-old daughter. It's so nice to have a girl for both sides of the family! :) It's the 10th grandchild for Neil's mum too!

I have already had people saying they'll send their baby girl clothes that they've had in the loft (two lots of girl cousin clothes from different family members, and some offers from friends as well), and I told my mum I thought we might be a bit inundated with girly clothes - which is wonderful because we're on quite a tight budget and it will be a blessing to get nice girly clothes (obviously we have none!) without paying any money for them. She didn't say anything much to that, and I said that of course I still wanted to buy some cute little outfits, to which she said, "Oh YES! Mummy (meaning her) will be going to Monsoon!" lol! I hope she doesn't break the bank! She loves shopping for her granddaughter, and has always said she would love to do the same for a daughter of mine.

Neil's mum was excited, Heather's daughter could be heard squealing for AGES down the phone, which amused the boys no end, lol! And my brother was suitably high-pitched with excitement when I phoned him this evening too! :) This is so. much. lovely fun! I would ABSOLUTELY have been joyful and excited to be having a baby boy as well, and would have enjoyed telling everyone, but I admit (and feel somewhat guilty for doing so) that it's MUCH MORE fun to get to tell everyone that the baby is a girl. I think it's just because we've never done it before though, you know?

So, as far as names go... We didn't have ANY idea. The only name I had in my head up until today was Maisie, and I knew Neil didn't like that one.

This evening we chatted briefly about it and I said that it was going to be really hard to name her! I had no idea, and nor did Neil. I said I would set out to make a shortlist but that he would probably veto everything, and then he'd make a shortlist and I'd veto the lot, lol! That's what we've done in the past! So, while he caught up on his online stuff, I started wading through girl names on various websites. I didn't go through all the letters of the alphabet, but I was able to make a fairly good-sized shortlist of the letters I did look at:

Maisie
Rachel
Rosalie
Sophie
Charlotte
Bella
Elizabeth (Beth)
Isabelle
Johannah
Josie
Lydia

I just wanted something that I found pretty and girly, as well as (preferably) with a nice meaning. I didn't give any of those names much thought, just jotted them down as I saw them. Elizabeth is Neil's mum's middle name and we were not sure what to do about the middle name situation for our baby girl, because we don't want to use two middle names (we just don't), and yet we wanted to name our first baby girl after my mum (Jane) and the second after Neil's mum (Averil) - but what if this is our ONLY baby girl?! We don't want to never use one of our mother's names. I wondered about using Elizabeth as a first name with Jane as the middle one, but we aren't enamoured enough with Elizabeth to do that, I think.

I told Neil my shortlist at the end of the evening, and he listened carefully and then asked me to read them again. He said he liked Sophie, Josie and Lydia, and maybe Elizabeth (we would use a derivative of the name for actual daily use with our little one). He asked me to find and read out the meanings of each of those names, so I did. Sophie means wisdom. Elizabeth is "God is my vow", Josie is listed as the female version of Joseph, which we both lit up to when we read it, and I love that because it means "He will enlarge" (as in, family size - more children). And Lydia means "of noble sort" or it can mean "from Lydia" as in the town.

We talked about girly-ness, and the feel of the various names, and the way they go with our surname and potential middle name choices, and the rest of the children's names when we say them all together, and SUDDENLY we had a certainty about it. One name stood out and we both realised that we loved it! Neil came back in after that decision and said the name again, and then said, "That's the one. It's too pretty." and that is exactly how I feel about it. I feel like we should sleep on it in case we feel differently tomorrow, but for tonight I am SO EXCITED about the name because I love it so much. I am nervous to share in case I change my mind and choose something else, but I'm too excited not to (it's a big deal, choosing and deciding on my first daughter's name!) so I'm going to share here anyway.

Our baby girl is called Lydia Jane. I want to say "for now", lol! It still feels so surreal to think that we have a girl at ALL, so naming a girl feels not real at all. Maybe we will change her name yet, there's plenty of time. But every time I say it out loud or think it in my head, I fall in love with it that little bit more, and something inside me scrunches up with joy and makes me want to squeal a bit! ;)

Lydia. Lydia Jane. It goes with our surname, and the list of boys' names. Neil wondered about Lydia Averil Jane, but then he said, "Lydia Jane.... nah, it's just too pretty like that. Lydia Jane it is!" :) I said, "We'll just have to have some more babies." and he seemed okay with that idea! ;) I said my favourite name to go with Averil is Grace - Grace Averil. I like the idea of calling her Gracie. He likes it too, so maybe God will bless us with another daughter yet and we'll have the opportunity to honour both of our mothers. I hope his mum won't mind, this time... I know mine will be thrilled, but she did say today on the phone that I mustn't feel "required of" to use her name for a middle name, as I'd told her we wanted to years ago. She was worried it would restrict us, and she also didn't want us to leave Neil's mum out.

But I'm so so happy with Lydia Jane. I love the name Lydia, more and more every time I think of it. It's so soft and girly, but simple and short. I immediately know I will end up calling her Lydie a lot. When I put my hand on my bump and whisper, "Lydia", just to get a feel for it, my heart swells so that I might possibly explode. Or implode. Or something pressure-related. It's almost too much to take in, all in one day - one afternoon! Just a few hours. A girl! A name! A million gorgeous happy compliments and messages. Happy family members. The blessing of a healthy baby, growing right on target. The absolute desire of my heart, that God knew I longed for - a daughter. MY daughter. My OWN daughter. I can't comprehend it, this amount of blessing from such a loving and gracious God. I know He is just laughing for joy at my happy disbelieving heart - I can feel it. I love Him so very much! I'm so grateful for my healthy baby girl! I will probably not believe it properly for quite some time to come, and maybe my posts are going to be a bit heavy on the GIRL front for a while as I process it, but oh well! ;)

My head is aching so much, and my cheeks/jaw too, probably from all the overexcitement and smiling a lot (have I been?! I guess I must have!), and it's ridiculously late now, but it's the weekend so it could be worse! ;) I planned to go to bed and update tomorrow, because of my headache, but when it came to it I just COULDN'T without venting the whooooole thing here first! :) I'm glad I did!

I will update again soon! I'm having a GIRL! I just can't believe it! :D

20 weeks, 2 days

I'm going to bed now, but I had to come here and say:

MY SCAN IS TOMORROWWWWWWWWW!!!! :D

So excited to see my little one, and finally know (hopefully!) one way or the other whether I am having a boy or a girl. I look at my 12 week scan pictures, at the nub shots, and think, "Well, it just HAS to be a girl, surely?!" and then I think that I can't FATHOM tomorrow going ahead and finding out it's a girl, not REALLY truly actually. I mean, like it's impossible, lol! So I remember that the nub shots were quite early for the theory to be accurate, and then I'm right in the 50/50 camp again, not able to lean one way or the other. I think I am going to be surprised whichever gender the baby turns out to be, for different reasons! ;) I will be so surprised if it's a boy because of my gut feeling and the nub shots. Soooo surprised. But I will be flat-out SHOCKED if it's a girl, because I feel well seasoned at having babies and scans and pregnancies now, and I can't really remember a time properly when I wasn't doing this now... And yet, alllllll of that - my only experience has been as a mummy to BOYS! So, shocked, yes.

I just can't wait to know, one way or the other! I am excited to know if the baby is a boy, even though I would love to have a girl.

The only thing is that this week I am suddenly having niggling doubts about the name Toby Joseph... Not sure why, maybe now that it's really close to actually GIVING the name to a real live baby and it being HIS from then on, maybe it feels like I shouldn't, you know? Maybe it feels like it's already Toby David's name and so it doesn't feel right as it becomes more real. I don't know. Or maybe I'm just having a random wobble (seriously hormonal again these past few days, just another burst of them I think, as I'm feeling irritable and weepy a lot and not awfully tolerant of noises and breastfeeding and so on.) and everything will be perfectly fine with using that name as soon as we find out it's a boy? Or maybe the wobble about the name is because it's not a boy?! ;) I will know tomorrow!!! Wheeee! So exciting!!

Most of all, I hope he or she is healthy. I always feel so nervous as the 20 week scan approaches, especially as I've had so many babies already. Totally irrational, I'm sure, but I tend to get the feeling that statistically, since I've already had so many healthy babies, maybe something will be wrong with this next one. This time my concern (paranoia?!) about it means that we're taking the digital voice recorder with us so that if something is wrong (it's just Neil and I going, all the boys are staying home with Heather) and we have to see a consultant right after the scan, I know I will want Heather to be there, and because she can't, at least I will be able to record the entire discussion and she can play it back without me having to remember all the important details, or emotionally exhaust myself dragging through everything that was said, and be up to date on everything. Crazy, I know. But it will set my mind at rest to take it with us.

Anyway, I hope I have a healthy little baby in there, and that he or she cooperates beautifully for the scan! I really want to be back with my boys without too much delay, and we've had one or two babies in the past who haven't been in a useful enough position for measuring important things like the heart, and we've ended up taking hours at the hospital walking around while the next couple of ladies get scanned, to try and encourage the baby into a better position! Also, I reeeeally hope it's not difficult to get a good clear view of the gender! :)

If the baby is a boy, I can't say for sure any more that his name will automatically be Toby Joseph, with how I've been feeling this week. I haven't had chance to talk to Neil about it, but if we find out that it's a boy tomorrow, I know we'll be able to talk it over then, and I'll update here with our thoughts on it when I share news and photos in my next entry. We shall see.

Other bits of news so that I don't forget: I weighed 10 stone exactly yesterday, 3lbs less than before the tummy bug, which feels like weeks ago now. I can't remember my initial weight at the beginning of the pregnancy, so I've no idea how much I've gained so far, but thankfully I DON'T CARE! ;)

My bump has had a growth spurt this week, and I look DEFINITELY pregnant now. I make a proper pregnant shape under a maternity dress, which is nice! :) I had a sudden urge for glittery nails this week so have painted my toenails with the same sparkly stuff that I bought to go into labour with Elijah! I put the same on my fingernails too, which I don't think I have done since I was a really little girl and my mummy painted my nails for me one time. I have been a terribly heavy-duty nail-biter since early childhood, and the only time I ever manage to grow my nails is when I'm pregnant and morning sick, lol! I can't stand to put my fingers anywhere near my mouth when I'm morning sick, so my nails grow well for months. Right now I think I am back out of morning sickness - I can finally eat things with onions in without paying for it with nausea, and generally feel fine, but I do get a bit queasy when I go to bite my fingers/nails, so maybe it's juuuuust hanging in there a bit. Anyway, bonus - lovely looking strong nails! They are very strong this pregnancy - I can open tin cans with just my nail and the ring pull! :) So I smile every time I look at my hands and see the light catch the glitter on my nails. I am truly girly at heart! :)

Baby is kicking about quite a lot now, and it's easy to feel with my hand. I am LOVING it! :) I'm noticing Braxton Hicks contractions quite a lot as well now, sometimes distracting with the squeezy uncomfy feeling, but usually just a mild sensation. More if I'm dehydrated at all, or if I do too much physically (already!). The back of my pelvis hurts from taking the boys out to the park and pushing the tandem pushchair (with a helper!) yesterday, which isn't brilliant at 20 weeks, but oh well! Such is life, and I'm grateful that I recover between pregnancies. My friend with 6 children who we visit sometimes, has constant pelvic/SPD issues even between pregnancies, and her babies are spaced 2 years apart. :( So I'm glad to have some recovery between my pregnancies.

Okay it's late, and I need to get to bed! I can't think of anything else. No cravings to note, no particular food aversions or preferences. Very run-of-the-mill, lol!

I will update tomorrroooowwwww, yay!!!! :D

19 weeks!!!

Aaaaargh, 19 weeks already (and one day!), and I am really struggling to find time to update properly, as often as I would like! Right now I'm grabbing a chance because I've remembered to (rare), in the middle of the day while the boys are playing in the living room and dinner is in the oven. This is NOT a good time because I'll have a matter of minutes before I have to attend to something or other, which -

Ha! Had to go and sort Samuel out over something already! ;) This will continue every few minutes or even many times in the same minute, until Elijah wakes from his nap and that's the end of my time to update here. But, if I don't start, I'll NEVER get an update written, and I don't like the 3 week gap that's already there!

Okay, quickly!

My scan is NEXT WEEEEEEEEEK!!!! I'm getting so excited about it, and the usual slightly nervous paranoia that something might be wrong with my little one - it's always such a relief to have the scan and everything checks out okay in the end. I hope it will be the same way this time. Neil and I will both be able to go together (yay!) because Heather is kindly going to watch all 6 boys at home for us! We might take Elijah if he's upset at the idea of us going off without him, but Heather's happy (and very competent) to have all six. I also love the fact that she'll be the first person we will have contact with after the scan so she gets to hear first whether it's a boy or a girl! :) She was the first person last time, even before Neil, because she was with me for the 17 week scan I had for Elijah's little size (in case there was a cause for concern) and we unexpectedly saw his boy bits! ;)

Arthur was asking me last week whether I thought we'd see a boy or a girl at the scan, and I had to tell him I honestly do not know. I mean, he pressed me for details on hunches, or clues I've had, etc. but although my gut says girl, I know my gut instinct has been wrong before more than once, lol! So I'm not allowing that to sway me - it's probably a boy in any case! I genuinely can't wrap my mind around the concept of seeing anything other than the familiar boy bits as they sort of "morph" into view during the scan. I feel strongly enough about that to override the gut instinct that says girl, and say that's a really good indication that it's a boy. So contradictory! I think I wouldn't be feeling so conflicted about it if I had had boys and girls so far already, but I can't imagine a totally new experience, being THIS experienced at pregnancy, scans, new babies, etc. It seems so surreal as to be impossible. So, with all that together, my overall feeling about the scan is that for once I completely and utterly do not know what to expect to see. I am 100% neutral in my expectations, because I can't lean one way or the other based on anything I've got to go by so far, and that is LOVELY! :) Usually we've had a nub shot at the 12 week scan that definitely indicates a boy, or else God has told me in advance that it will be a boy. This is the first pregnancy since Nathan's where I totally have no idea, and it's nice. I think it must be lovely to have no idea at ALL at the birth - having not found out at all beforehand, but if I'd had girls as well as boys, I wouldn't mind trying that. Because we still haven't had a girl, I NEEEEED to know in advance if we're expecting one, hehe! ;) If we happen to (somehow!) have a girl this time, and I am blessed with another baby, I think it would be nice to not find out, because we'll be prepared for both in any case.

Well, whoever he or she is, this little one is kicking around quite a lot these days. The kicks are still such little pops! I can feel them with my hand, but Neil hasn't been able to yet - they are such little tiny blips and because I can feel them inside, I am able to place my hand where I know they'll be for an easier chance to feel them against my hand.

Last week I had a tummy bug. A real live vomiting bug! I haven't thrown up since I was 18 (that's 19 years ago!!) and I have been phobic about vomiting since I was two years old. It has probably been the major hurdle of my entire life, affecting my life a lot, especially in my late teens and adulthood. We went to the church Fun Day on the Saturday morning and by Sunday evening I had awful diarrhoea and started vomiting somewhere before midnight. Ugggghhhhh. So horrible! If I ever catch tummy bugs, I only ever get diarrhoea, even when everyone else in the family is throwing up repeatedly. I have always just been blessed that way (thankfully!), but this time it wasn't the case. Heather thinks it's because I'm pregnant and my immune system is at a low right now as a result. Bleurgh. Anyway, the diarrhoea continued for 24 hours but I only threw up a couple of times in the night. I DID NOT DIE!!!! I have always been terrified I would die - I know it's irrational, but that's a phobia for you. I didn't panic overly either, and I'm so proud of myself. I consider my phobia OVER with now! :D I still hate it to bits, and it scares me, but I can't say I'm phobic any more after the way I handled it! :)

Anyway, poor Elijah and Samuel caught it from me, even though I was in bed all the time, kept my hands washed, and only saw them to breastfeed for the first 48 hours. :( It has taken me a full week to recover - it really knocked me for six! I couldn't eat for a couple of days, but I could take dioralyte and diluted lemonade, so that was something. I got really dehydrated and passed some mucus plug sort of stuff, and was crampy the day after I was sick, but it all settled down quickly. I just hope I have not started work on another kidney stone as a result. The last kidney stone I had came as a result of some bad dehydration with a stomach bug, plus summer weather, plus breastfeeding. I've tried to combat it with lemonade (real lemons, proper citric acid!) and drinking plenty since I've been able to tolerate it. Hoping for the best!

Elijah and Samuel threw up all evening (10 and 9 times, respectively) last Tuesday, and were such poor little scraps, especially tiny 'Lijah, that I felt dreadful for them! I was well enough just about, to look after them and hold them while they were puking. They started at exactly the same moment (simultaneous vomiting on two different beds!), and stopped within 5 minutes of each other, 5 hours later, and both fell into a heavy sleep for the rest of the night. Funny how exact it was for them. They nearly always threw up at the same time as each other through the evening. Neil and I moved Elijah in with Samuel on the bed next to him for the duration, and sat with them the whole time, and they slept between bouts, thankfully, and shared baths when it became necessary. After they'd finished, we moved 'Lijah back into my bed for the rest of the night. Amazingly, the four older boys and Neil never caught it! We couldn't possibly keep the little boys isolated for all the days they would be infectious afterwards, so we didn't try. I was for sure expecting 4 vomiting children a couple of nights later, but thankfully (oh so thankfully!) no! :) A lot of prayer went into it as well. I was on my knees at their bedsides that night after they had gone to sleep for a good while! Thank you Lord! :)

We now all have colds, but I'm relieved that I'm just soldiering through with mine and not flaking out exhausted, coldy and pregnant. I wondered how I'd fare since I wasn't quite over the tummy bug when the cold started, but I'm okay, just feeling a bit crummy! Neil went back to work this week - he took ALL of last week off as holiday time (he had no choice on the holiday, unfortunately) because I was really not well enough to get up most of that week, let alone look after 6 littles. I'm so thankful for that too! So far this week I have been doing laundry like crazy. Neil kept it going last week, but yesterday and today I have done 9 loads and there are still probably 3 or 4 to go in the laundry boxes, plus Matthew wet the bed last night so his bedding needs washing too.

Busy busy! :) But happy happy! Love my hard job! :)

I have failed to get a belly pic for way too long! :( I missed 16 weeks and just though, ah well, I'm nearly 18 weeks, I'll get one for then. But then I was sick and now I'm 19 weeks - the time is just flying by! A week from now I'll be halfway through my pregnancy and into the 20s!!! Wow. I don't think I'm showing that much, for me. I was showing much more before I was sick, haha! After I threw up and didn't eat for a couple of days, I could hardly see a bump when I stood up at all! I lost a stone (14lbs), but I'm sure it's all back on now. Last I checked (days ago) I was 9st 10lbs, which was up 7lbs from where I went down to after my tummy bug.

One thing I've noticed since recovering from the bug is that I seem to have been left with morning sickness again, and irritable bowel syndrome (which I always have to some degree, but it's flaring up quite a bit at the moment). Boo! I thought the nausea from the bug was lingering, and it was somewhat, but I'm now noticing foods leave a bitter taste, I can't bite my nails, etc. again, so I think it's back. It's not awful, just a nuisance, and I don't feel well in my stomach all the time. Choosing and eating food is difficult, but it's perfectly bearable other than that, so it could be worse. Hopefully it won't hang around too many more weeks. It was 24 weeks before it totally cleared up with Elijah (my longest stretch!).

Talking of Elijah, he is still napping and I must wake him up or else he won't sleep at bedtime! Samuel appears to have fallen asleep on the living room floor, so I'd better wake him too! ;)

Back soon I hope!

16 weeks, 4 days pregnant

I really have to get a belly picture for 16 weeks! I am really showing now, and total strangers are asking me if I'm hoping for a girl this time (*sigh* Isn't that a predictable comment?!) without looking at me for a while first or asking if I'm expecting a baby. It must be obvious! Yay! :) Heather says I really look pregnant now, and not just "is she/isn't she pregnant?" which is lovely to hear! :)

I am finally unable to wear normal jeans and trousers (except for baggy, drawstring types, which I can still feel comfortable in). I have found a box of my maternity clothes STILL not put away in the loft yet from last time, hahaha! ;) So that has made it easy to dig in and start wearing some maternity items earlier than I usually get Neil to bring them down from the loft! :)

I pretty much live in a pair of maternity jeans that are "under bump" style with adjustable elastic at the sides. They are reeeeeeally comfy, and I remember them being a poor fit or uncomfortable for my last two pregnancies (I only got them during Samuel's pregnancy), probably because I was trying to wear them really late in my pregnancies. They are great for an "early bump"! :)

My little baby is moving and kicking quite a lot, and the kicks are still tiny fluttery taps. I love that I can feel them so clearly. I am increasingly trying to see if I can feel the movements with my hand through my tummy now, because I'm sure I will be able to any time now! I stop whatever I'm doing (in the evening, obviously - can't do that in the day!) when I feel the baby do a few little pops against my tummy, and practically hold my breath as I gently press my hand flat on my tummy in the place I felt the kicks, and wait. So far, either the kicks stop, or they move to the other side, hehe! Or there's a sort of wiggle movement instead and I can't feel that against my hand yet. But soon! I can't wait! :)

I had my 16-week midwife appointment, at 15 weeks and 3 days, for some reason! I can't remember why it was arranged during week 15 but oh well. I went to the clinic for that appointment, and it turned out that neither Neil or Heather could cover me with the kiddies, so I had to take all 6 of them with me. That was interesting. They were sooo well behaved getting in there, and waiting in the waiting area. I got a LOT of comments - "Are they all yours?!", "ALL BOYS?!?!", "Do you know what you're having this time?!", etc. I didn't have a urine sample with me as I didn't have a sample container at home, and it was completely impossible for me to do one at the clinic with all the boys with me, so they said to be sure to bring one next time (which is AGES - 28 weeks or something crazy! Pretty pointless to say that when I'm still only 15 weeks pregnant!). I forgot to take a sample pot with me at the end, but I am NOT taking my children with me to any further appointments. I would seriously rather reschedule or MISS one, it was such hard work! :(

They didn't behave so great after the first few minutes of the appointment and it went downhill from there. Leaving was a NIGHTMARE. They scattered and wouldn't come when called, went into various places in the clinic that they shouldn't have, etc. I was carrying Elijah in my arms so couldn't round them up so easily as usual. They didn't respond to the various bribes and threats (!) that usually work, and it was really really REALLY embarrassing, as nobody seemed to have anything better to do than watch this "crazy" mother of "too many children" completely fail to control them or get them to obey her. Urrrggghhhh. If I took one to the waiting area and went back to get another, there were still 3 to round up, and child #1 may or may not have run off by the time I got back with child #2. They were equally badly behaved in the car park outside - in the car park, people! :/  It's REALLY hard having children (especially the eldest children, when there are lots of little ones under them as well) on the autistic spectrum. They get overwhelmed and overstimulated by unfamiliar situations very easily and then their behaviour gets out of hand fast and I still haven't figured out how to manage or diffuse things in those situations yet. Arthur's report is being written right now, which will confirm that he has Asperger's Syndrome (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). Matthew is still waiting for his assessment appointment right now, but he is harder work than Arthur out and about, because he has (in my opinion) sensory processing issues and ADHD type issues, alongside the autistic-type issues. He has no concept of danger, and his behaviour can get out of control really fast when he's overstimulated, and he gets overstimulated verrrrry easily. I have not figured out how to manage or diffuse things in that kind of situation yet. It's really hard! Anyway, NEVER AGAIN, lol!

Apart from the boys' behaviour and resulting embarrassment and stress, the appointment went okay. My blood pressure was 100/60, my usual low pressure which surprised me considering that all the boys were around me and I was even correcting a couple of them in different directions while my blood pressure was being taken, haha! ;)

The midwife was the same one who came when I was in labour with Benjamin, but who (thankfully) had to finish her shift an hour or so before he was born. I am not crazy about her, although it's nice to see a familiar midwife again, any time I do see her. She doesn't seem awfully sensitive or knowledgeable (flexible knowledge, that is - if that makes sense. She seems to have just learned a bunch of rules and quotes them, rather than considering new research, for example. *sigh*). And she errs on the negative side. She asked me if I had a consultant appointment booked, and I said no, and told her I had declined one. She looked surprised/concerned, but I could tell it wasn't genuine, and anyway it would have been in my notes! That's the reason I was seeing her that day instead of the consultant at 16 weeks! I'm not that daft. So, the look was basically a request for explanation, and I told her that I had done the consultant appointments the last two times and already knew what would be covered, and already knew what my choices were. She didn't need to (of course) but it seemed like she couldn't help saying (in sympathetic tones, as though that made it better), "You know about the risk of bleeding, yeah?" I just dismissed it with a wave of my hand and a quick, "Yeah." There ISN'T an increased risk of bleeding just because I have had more babies - Heather has thoroughly explored that with a lot of research, and I personally witnessed her ask high-ranking midwives and obstetric consultants if they could back up their opinion on that with research, and they couldn't. Because there isn't any. They all admitted it was something they were taught during training (and that was their way of justifying it's truth!). Anyway, I couldn't be bothered to hash that out with this particular midwife so I just brushed it aside, and I think she got the picture.

I told her I already knew all my risk factors, and would be choosing a homebirth. I said I would, as always, be open to other ideas if any new risk factors came about during my pregnancy, but that was that - end of discussion. I am getting more assertive with each pregnancy, over my rights, and I like that, because I'm not naturally very good at being assertive. In such situations (pregnancy, my children's health, etc.) it's really important! So I'm glad to be improving in that area! I know that I 100% have Heather to thank for it, and I'm so grateful to her! :)

The midwife said it was a bit early to find baby's heartbeat at 15 weeks, but (negative tone) if I would like her to try she could give it a go. I said I had been listening on my home doppler for many weeks! ;) So she was more enthusiastic about listening in, but didn't find it for aaaages. I knew she was looking in COMPLETELY the wrong place, but didn't feel comfortable about pointing that out, so I waited. She was looking way too low. She kept saying that sometimes a drink of water makes the bladder fill and the uterus move up, making it easier to hear the heartbeat this early. *sigh* For a start she was looking really low down, squashing the top of my uterus down with her hand, which was MANY inches above where she was using the doppler! Big space full of baby which she didn't apparently think to look in! I went along with it and drank the cup of water she gave me, and she literally had me lie down to "try again" seconds after I downed it, which - what?! How has my bladder had time to fill with the cup of water and shift my womb up by then?! She used the doppler higher up (of course, due to the cup of water) and surprise, surprise, found the baby's heartbeat much higher very quickly. I felt so irritable and like rolling my eyes (I didn't, don't worry) when she said, "See! The water did the trick!" Urgh. I suddenly remembered the annoying issue of finding Benjamin's heartbeat during my labour with him, and how she and the student had a hard time finding it EVERY time they checked and casually would make all sorts of passive-but-negative comments about my position or the baby's to justify their difficulty. Heather was so irritated by it, and even made mention of it in the birth notes she wrote, pointing out that they weren't looking in the right place, and that when Mandi (the midwife who delivered him) came, she always found the heartbeat immediately every time she checked him! :)

Anyway, so that was annoying. Also she asked me (pen poised over my notes) for the name of my social worker. I told her that we didn't have one any more, because (as they had promised) they closed our case. She asked instead of the name of my health visitor and wrote that down. It was only afterwards that I thought, "Why?!" Why did she have any business writing that down - it's irrelevant to my maternity care during pregnancy, and I just TOLD her the whole completely unnecessary social services ordeal is OVER with. Just another moment of irksomeness, anyway.

Talking of irritability (!)... I have been really struggling with hormones lately - the past week for sure, but also part of the week before, I think. Increasingly over that time, rather than just the same all the time. I pretty much came to the end of my rope this week, and everything felt too overwhelming! I felt close to tears a lot, and SO irritable at the slightest thing. I felt kind of depressed - not that motivated to do a thing, eat much, etc. I have had trouble getting to sleep quite a few nights recently, even though I'm tired out. I just don't feel happy inside. I have absolutely NO tolerance for any trouble from the boys, and there is perlenty of trouble from the boys on a minute-by-minute basis, so that has been kind of hard to get on with, haha! I also have been feeling "touched-out" from the moment I get up in the morning, and just want to crawl out of my skin sometimes when I'm breastfeeding (less so with Elijah, but hugely with Samuel and even more so with Benjamin), or when Samuel does his thing where he constantly twiddles or fidgets with my skin when he's snuggling next to me, and when he's feeling sleepy. I love that he's so cuddly and we stop to cuddle on the sofa MANY (dozens and dozens) times a day. He always sucks his thumb and fidgets with me absent-mindedly, and I usually don't mind, but lately it's been hard to bear and I've been sort of gently swatting him away or asking him not to fiddle. He's so easy-going and just stops without complaint, but starts again a minute or so later.

I am losing my temper much more easily at the moment, and generally not being very nice to be around. *sigh* I feel horrible for that, which in turn doesn't help my low mood, and then it's a vicious cycle. Praying into coping with things is helping me a lot, as of yesterday. It's a constant effort to keep my thoughts focused on God, and not spiralling negatively. But I can swing back to happy, organised, and positive after a few hours with the boys in bed, eating something comforting and putting on some uplifting music, so I'm thinking it must be hormones. I seem to remember that at 16 weeks with Elijah (or on the way to 17 weeks?) I had a huge sobbing breakdown of an evening, where I phoned Heather and she dropped everything and came over and spent the evening with me, praying, talking and giving hugs. I love her! So maybe it's just a normal hormone thing at this particular stage of pregnancy? I think it's pretty funny/silly that I'm on my 7th baby in 8 years and STILL can't figure out whether this is normal for 16 weeks, hahaha! I guess I'm a slow learner?! Or a quick forgetter! ;) Or maybe they've all been so different in that respect? I actually can't remember, and if I have time (hahahahahaaaa!) I must check my blog over the various pregnancies and see.

Here's something I have noticed which I feel silly about, but it's still there so I'm going to note it: I am not that interested in protein this pregnancy. A photo of pickled dill cucumbers on pinterest did not make me LONG for them. These are my typical boy things, when I'm pregnant, or so I have presumed over my pregnancies. I didn't think much about the protein thing until I was pregnant with Elijah and a friend at MOMYS (mothers of many young siblings) posted about it on the pregnancy forum. She had 4 boys already and was pregnant again. She had an ultrasound which confirmed another boy. She posted to say that she really was noticing a difference this pregnancy, in that she couldn't really care less about protein. With all her boys, she had had cravings for protein, or just REALLY enjoyed or needed her protein when she ate it. I remember reading that and totally relating. I have always needed protein from morning sickness time onwards during my pregnancies, but that seems obvious to me - you're growing a human being in there! You're going to have increased need for protein. Anyway, a bunch of ladies commented, and I can't remember the details of it, but the consensus seemed to be that protein cravings/high needs seemed to be a boy thing, and not having such an urgency about protein held true for them in girl pregnancies. She commented that it was interesting, since she was having a 5th boy, but with such a difference in protein needs, and left it at that. I already knew I was having a 6th boy at the time, but I do remember trying to twist it to think whether mayyyybe I had not wanted protein so much this time around. My food desires are slightly varied during my different pregnancies, but the one thing in common has been - yes, I have needed to eat protein. Eating meat is soooooooo good when I'm pregnant! I crave eggs and it's so good to eat them when I do. Even just tons of cheese is great. I will eat baked beans and eggs on toast for lunch a lot when I'm pregnant and feel like it just about satisfied my protein itch. Without really paying much attention to it, I think about protein a lot when I'm pregnant, and enjoy it.

This time, I am trying to think realistically (I don't want to be psychologically swaying things for myself just in case I might want a girl), and I honestly honestly do not seem to need protein, any more than when I'm not pregnant. If I eat eggs, or beans on toast, it's like, meh. It was good to eat because I was hungry, but that's it. If I eat meat, like a roast dinner, it's nice, but I am not like, "Mmmmmmmmmmmggghhhghaaaaaaggghhhh!" while eating the meat or anything. I never feel like, "Phew, that scratched my protein itch, what a relief!" at ALL. I am trying to eat fish but it sometimes feels like I just. don't. want. to eat any more fish! I can't finish my meals sometimes when we have salmon, because it just feels like too much protein. I have NEVER felt like that in any of my other pregnancies with protein, quite the opposite in fact.

Anyway. This friend of mine had a homebirth, and was perfectly stunned to give birth to a baby girl! ;) Explains the protein thing, huh?! So it has me REALLY wondering now. I only noticed the dill pickle thing this evening when I saw an old pin of mine on Pinterest. I realised suddenly that I haven't wanted vinegary things at all, or anything particularly salty either. I can't say what I DO fancy, that's particularly different from my other pregnancies, but I definitely see a difference in not caring much for salty/vinegary/proteiny stuff. And that is really different for me. And those are "boy" things, so not wanting them is.... interesting! :)

I'm getting so curious, and so eager for my scan! It's June 7th, so only about 4 weeks to go now! :) The time will pass really quick, so that is exciting to know it'll be coming up soon! I'm feeling happy and settled with the idea of the baby being a girl OR a boy, which is a nice way to feel. I like that he's Toby Joseph if he's a boy, I feel so at ease about that. I will be glad if it's a boy for that reason, and glad if it's a girl for obvious reasons, lol! ;) I feel happy and exciting to find out, whichever way it goes. I just hope the baby is healthy and well at the scan. That will be wonderful news! :)

I continue to get spots on my face, maybe a bit less frequently this past week? But that's not my norm in pregnancy, not sustained for so long anyway. I'm starting to have trouble with restless legs, more than usual, but I'm trying to remember to take my pregnancy vitamins if that bothers me, because there's magnesium in that. I keep forgetting though! I am absolutely exhausted this past week. Physically tired more than mentally tired, just down to my bones, and I keep having to lie down and close my eyes in the afternoons (and sometimes, mornings!) while the boys play around me for a bit. Maybe that's not helping the irritability either? I feel like I could just sleep alllll weekend when the weekends come, but that isn't really an option because the boys are a lot of work and Neil gets stressed out by their behaviour sometimes, and I need to be almost as involved as in the weekdays - we just do it side-by-side instead of me doing it on my own in the week. Which is better! :) But lately I am feeling desperate for some respite at the weekends to build my resources back up for the week ahead. I just start my weeks on a low ebb, exhausted and overwhelmed from the start, which is difficult. I would love to do a lot more sleeping, have a quiet bath, and some head-space time without the noise of the boys around me, at the weekends, at the moment. Like it's a deep-rooted NEED, without which I am slowly starting to unravel! I think it's hormones, but sometimes a pregnant, homeschooling mama with half-a-dozen small children gets to burn-out point, never mind the hormones, you know?! Refreshment needed, for sure, right now. I am not getting it, but weekends are still a bit better than the week days. I hate to ask more of Neil at the weekends - they're his weekends too, and he already lets me sleep in every single weekend, because he's wonderful. So I hate to ask for more.

Nathey said something so sweet at bedtime! He asked me to tell him the story of when Elijah was born, and after I'd done so, he said, "Of all the babies, I think Elijah is my favourite baby, because he's so sweet. Except I think soon I am going to have TWO favourite babies, because the new baby is coming!" He had such a sweet happy little smile when he said that, like it was a thought that made him feel glowing on the inside. I love my family! :) (mental note - must share this at Facebook! It's a memory treasure!)

I will update again soon, hopefully! And try to add a picture for 16 weeks if I take one in time!