It's New Year's Eve! Only 14 minutes to go till midnight, actually! :) I just wrote my Facebook update and it got me thinking and feeling thankful.
I was reminded afresh how very very blessed I am - how incredibly generous and kind God has been to me. He has opened my womb four times in four years! I think He's wonderful! :)
We started trying for our first baby in 2003. It took 9 cycles and that's not really long but it felt like forever at the time, not knowing why it wasn't "working" or when it might. Or not. But, looking back, I know it wasn't long at all, when it comes to trying for a baby. So, no pregnancy in 2003. Praise God that He did open my womb and enable us to conceive! In February 2004, Arthur was conceived. He was born in November, so my whole pregnancy fitted into 2004.
Then in September 2005, Matthew was conceived. Arthur was 10 months old. Matthew was born in June 2006, 19 months after his brother. The rest of 2006 was difficult for me - the adjustment, I think, and the hormones. I didn't cope too well, and I think it was mild postnatal depression. Thankfully it lifted when I ovulated for the first time over Christmas 2006 - hooray! :)
Nathan was conceived in May 2007, just a few days after my brother became a Daddy for the first time. I remember holding Thea, at just a few days old, and thinking, "Awww!" My heart went mushy! Matthew was 11 months old and she seemed soooo tiny compared with my own little ones! Well, I ovulated a few days later, and that's when Nathan came to be! :) Nathan's pregnancy was scary in parts because I had torrentially heavy bleeding at 11 weeks, and lots of lighter bleeding throughout the first and early-second trimesters. But PRAISE GOD!! He survived and was born, albeit 5 weeks early, perfectly healthy in January 2008.
Nathey was 9 months old in October that same year, when Benjamin was conceived. We did not plan and try that time, having decided after Nathan to let God control when (and how many!) our babies were conceived. Sweet baby boy number 4, Benjamin, was born in July 2009 and is now nearly 6 months old.
So, to recap:
2004 - Pregnant with Arthur! Arthur born.
2005 - Pregnant with Matthew!
2006 - Matthew born.
2007 - Pregnant with Nathan!
2008 - Nathan born, and pregnant with Benjamin!
2009 - Benjamin born.
Wow. How God has blessed us! I'm so joyfully in awe of His goodness to me! I pray and pray that He will enable and equip me to nurture and mother my little ones enough - I don't want to fall short, with so many to care for. I want to do the very best I can for my children! I want to be a GOOD steward of my blessings so that God will consider blessing us again and again!
So now I have taken a short break to watch Big Ben bonging the New Year in, on TV! :) Happy New Year! It's 2010!! :)
I am excited about 2010! The BEST part is giving everything to God and having NO IDEA what will happen. We are not in control. We relinquished it to God. That's EXCITING!!! :D I am wondering if God will bless us again with a baby this year. I know that sounds a bit crazy since I feel like I've just had one, but so far I have either been pregnant or had a new baby every year, so I wonder what 2010 will bring! Maybe no babies? Perhaps God's plan for our family is four little boys close together and that is all? God chooses when to close my womb, and I just pray that He will not close it yet! I love having my babies and seeing my little ones grow and develop.
I just want to say here that I don't set my babies aside in my heart or my thoughts or my energies when I think ahead to more babies. I know people have said in the past to enjoy the ones I've got rather than looking ahead hoping for more. Well, I do both! :) I eagerly hope for more, because it's such a precious blessing. But it doesn't take a thing away from enjoying my little ones and soaking up every smile and cute chipmunky new word, every hurty finger kissed and sleepy head nuzzled on my shoulder. The less rose-tinted aspects (!) are harder to see the joy in, like ennnndless discipline over issues that seem like they'll never change, ever! Or night wakings every night for 5 years. Except that last one I am actually warming to. My little ones are just as precious and snuggly at night, sometimes more so than usual! And I love co-sleeping and breastfeeding at night.
So, being eager and excited for more babies, if God chooses to bless us that way, does not detract from my attention towards my children. Just to say! :)
Well I am currently on Cycle Day 58 or something!!!! I have never had a cycle like this in my life before - and spotting a couple of weeks ago too! Weirdness. Still getting occasional signs that I might be ovulating, but it comes to nothing, it seems. Right now I have no fertile signs, and I feel crampy today and a bit hormonal, so I wonder if my period will come soon. I have had times throughout my cycle so far where I've felt crampy though, so who knows! I guess one way or another my period will show up in the end. It's just strange for me to have a cycle this long, but then I did start my periods much earlier than usual postpartum. Maybe this one is just a bit wacky for that reason?
I STILL plan to hurry up and write Benjamin's birth story, but in the run-up to Christmas and New Year I haven't had chance to sit down and write any of it. Hopefully soon! :) Thanks to Melanie and Nicola for commenting! I know I'm not pregnant or with a brand new baby, so it's not exactly an exciting read here at the moment, and I really appreciate the comments! ;)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Update at 5 months postpartum
Well, I know it's been a while (thanks for the reminder Melanie!), but I felt a bit uneligible to post here, since I'm not pregnant or trying to become so! ;) But I wanted to come and write a quick (possibly, you know me, haha!) update since it has been a few months. I think it was October when I updated last time, to say that I had my first postpartum period just under 3 months after having Benjamin!!!
I am now waiting for my 3rd period. The cycle that followed my first period was typical and uneventful for the way things go with me after having a baby (as I have learnt by now!). I had a normal 30 day cycle, but didn't ovulate till CD26 and thus had only a 4 day luteal phase again, which is perfectly normal for me at this stage after having a baby. I have wondered if my luteal phase my stay incredibly short for longer this time, since my periods have started back earlier than the other times? Or if they'll lengthen at the same time span as the other times, and so be fully back to normal (fertile) sooner than the other times? Who knows.
BUT, this cycle is weird! The weirdest cycle I think I have ever had! I am not bothered about it, just keeping an eye, and charting here and there to keep track. I am not temping at all because there's no real need. Just noting CM when it seems "of note" and any crampy or particularly headachy days, especially if I feel a bit hormonal or something with it. I have had EWCM but just a bit here and there, and clearly it hasn't led to ovulation. This has happened before, but not so drawn out as this. I am now on Cycle Day FORTY NINE!!! I know lots of women have gone way past that as a norm for them, but for me this is waaaaay outside of the norm, and I have never had a cycle this long, let alone not ovulated yet! Perhaps this cycle will be my first ever anovulatory cycle? Or maybe my body is trying (hence the signs here and there along the way) but not getting around to ovulating yet?
Another totally weird thing is that last week I had spotting - seriously! Again, I know spotting is perfectly normal for plenty of women mid-cycle, but not for me. The only spotting I have ever had is implantation spotting (or right after a smear test), when pregnant, so this is very odd to me! I had it with a lot of EWCM so I wondered if maybe I was ovulating, but I don't know if I really did. I had no cramping of any sort around that time, and I usually cramp with ovulation. Other times during my cycle I have had EWCM and cramping, but nothing came of that. I'm sure one way or another I will eventually get a period, so I'm not concerned about it, it's just weird to think I still haven't had my period after like 50 days! Crazy strange for me! If I DID ovulate with the last EWCM (with the spotting) then I am maybe 6DPO and I wouldn't expect my luteal phase to last any longer than that, so perhaps I will get my period for Christmas or something? Who knows! :)
I AM feeling a bit crampy this evening, and I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with life, like I can't keep on top of things and I'm more down on myself than usual, which I notice easily because it's so unusual for me to feel that way about myself.
Once in a cycle after Nathan, I didn't ovulate till CD thirty-something, as I had the same delayed ovulation thing then too, but this is really really late of me!
Anyway that is the update on my cycles and such! Still not really thinking at all about another baby because it seems so detached from now, you know? My cycles aren't fertile as far as I know, and Neil and I are not getting quality time, so to speak! ;) I'm just enjoying (soooo very much!) my current gorgeous squidgely happy baby boy, marvelling that he's five months old already, and busy busy with my other lovely children. I eagerly LONG for more babies in the future, and my heart turns towards international adoption too. I am excited to see what God will bring! Many times I feel sure He won't bless us again because we SURELY are not being good stewards with the blessings He has already given us, and that is important if God is going to allow us to receive more, I think. We do need a bigger home, but I don't concern myself with that as much because it's materialistic and really doesn't matter a whole lot. It would be MUCH better for us all if we had more space, but it isn't a reason for us to prevent sweet baby blessings that God may have in store for us. God is our provider, and we trust in Him. If he blesses us with more children, we fully believe that He will provide for our needs as we carry out His will in that! :)
I am thinking ahead to more children occasionally, just the odd day-dream, nothing concrete! ;) Only because I love the thought so much, and I hope so much that we have more children in our future. Our current children are actually eager for more siblings, at least Arthur is certainly eager, and Matthew and Nathan ADORE Benjamin (no jealousy issues at all since his birth with any of the boys) and seem very open to us having more. I don't think we've given them cause to believe that families PREVENT God opening the mummy's womb again and again according to His perfect will, though. That's what we tell them, and that's what they believe and accept happily. Arthur still asks when we'll have another! ;)
I can't help but think that if we DO have another baby, it will be another boy, haha! ;) I know I had this twin-girl feeling, well, more than a feeling, when I was praying when Nathey was a newborn and God told me that the next baby would be Benjamin. I don't know whether to trust it, in case it was my own head! Twin girls seems awfully unlikely unless it actually IS God making it happen! ;) I am getting comfortable with the idea of having 5 little boys close in age. I so hope we can have five close in age! I don't know what we'd call him, but we almost used Noah last time so perhaps that, although sometimes Neil wasn't too keen. We also liked Micah.
I'm scared to have twins but also weirdly hopeful that we will one day! I have been praying about it since Nathan was tiny, and it has never left my mind. It's probably a bad idea to be thinking about it over a long time like it could happen, because I don't want to be going down a wrong path in my thoughts or anything. But the thought won't disappear over all this time - nearly 2 years now. I have gone from feeling too scared to ever want to have twins, to looking forward with hope (and fear, lol!) to the day God may bless us that way. I have even actually - dare I admit this?! - started to PRAY that God will bless us with twins, though I am really scared of potential complications, difficult pregnancy and the type of birth that may result, and then HOW in the wide world would I care for newborn breastfeeding twins and four small boys?!?! We would (OBVIOUSLY!) be in a different, bigger, house. But still, it scares me! But ohhh how blessed we would be! What favour God would have shown us to allow not one but two precious babies to grow and flourish inside me! Incredible blessing. Sometimes phrases pop into my head randomly like, "My twins..." or "the twins", or even, "the GIRLS" without me intending them to be there. They surprise me! I squash them down quickly, feeling slightly embarrassed lest some nearby mind-reader hears my probably-daft thoughts! ;) I don't see myself being disappointed if we never have twins, or never have girls, because I am overjoyed to be a) mother of many, and b) mother of boys. It's so wonderful! I couldn't possibly complain or want a different "set" of children! I just want to have more BABIES, and will happily let God choose their gender.
You know I will be MADLY ECSTATIC if He chooses a girl (or two) though, don't you?! ;)
I know the names I would personally use for girly twins, but they're just my names, and Neil will quite likely not want to use them, going by our history, hehe! I may put my foot down somewhat over one of those names in particular though :) Neither of the names are Georgia, strangely enough! After all I have said since trying to conceive Arthur, about that being my favourite name EVER for a girl! ;)
Okay it's late, and I've updated and must go to bed. Oh but Benjamin is doing wonderfully. He had plagiocephaly (flat head) and a twist down his neck and spine into his pelvis (when we saw a children's osteopath), and he had one treatment and was then prayed for and HEALED by God! Yayness! So he is fine now. He rolls both ways, back to front, front to back, and started sitting (non-tripod!) unsupported tonight, for 2 minutes straight! He had done 10 seconds or so during the last week, but tonight he just took off, so to speak! He's desperate to play with his brothers and loves all their vehicles to watch, handle and mouthe! ;) He is gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous, and I could kiss him all day long if I didn't have a lot of other things to do as well, haha! ;)
His eyes are still greyish (not blue, but not clear or slate grey either - non-descript really) and I am sort of waiting for them to turn hazel or brown but nothing so far. Arthur's eyes were fully grey until 4.5 months old when they gradually went brown in splotches over a short period of time. We'll see! His hair is growing in well and fast, the fastest of all my boys so far. It is the same brown as Arthur and Nathan's hair. I don't know what he weighs as I haven't had him weighed in months, but he is hefty! He looks so big and chunky and I'm sure he's still up near the 90th percentile like he was before. That might make him around the 18lb mark? He is starting to outgrow 6-9 month clothes and size 3 Tesco nappies. He breastfeeds on demand night and day, and still wakes once during the evening and then 2-3 hourly at night still. That's okay. I am tired! But it's okay :) He sleeps in his Amby hammock (yes I did see the recall in the States - no news of anything here but I'm somewhat concerned about it!) for naps and at bedtime, and I put him back in it for all his evening/night wakings if I have stayed awake to do so! Otherwise we both go to sleep while he's breastfeeding in my bed, and he always wakes up next to me with a big smile (which is PRICELESS!!) and I adore this arrangement! :) He wears baby sleeping bags (grobags) in the Amby.
Benjamin is longing to eat food! Hehe! He munches his chops, reaches out and stares at my food on its way to my mouth, and so on. He is as ready as can be, but I will not give him anything till he is six months on the dot - that is my way, as most of my readers will already know. I do not believe a baby's digestive tract is mature enough to deal with solids until the age of six months. If they're five months and 3 weeks and 4 days, they're not six months old yet! ;) He is not lacking. While he is incredibly eager and longing, he is not in need of anything other than breastmilk yet. He may WANT that food, but he doesn't need it yet. He is well satisfied when he nurses and won't take a second side usually because he's full. He is huge and chunky (the rolls people, the ROLLS!!!) and happy. He will be super thrilled when I finally hand him a half-peeled banana on January 9th, but he can watch and learn for now! :) I am actually feeling a little sad about the fact that he'll only be exclusively breastfed for a few more weeks! I can't believe how fast it has gone by, and now it's almost GONE, that stage! :( It's definitely the fastest out of all my babies so far. But I am excited that in only a month or two, he will have made some drastic changes - eating with us, crawling, and sitting to play all the time with his brothers! How exciting that will be to behold! :)
Okay I MUST go to bed! And much of that was supposed to be part of a Benjamin update at my main blog with photos, but oh well! I will probably repeat myself a bit when I get around that update, but I'm glad to have it here for prosperity all the same!
I WILL (will will will will...) finish writing Benjamin's birth story soon and post it here the instant I have finished. I have written early labour so far, and I have notes for the rest of it so hopefully it won't be too hard to piece together and write! I am excited to write it, because it was a wonderful positive experience (that I can't WAIT to share with you all at last!), but I just never seem to have the time. Soon! :)
I am now waiting for my 3rd period. The cycle that followed my first period was typical and uneventful for the way things go with me after having a baby (as I have learnt by now!). I had a normal 30 day cycle, but didn't ovulate till CD26 and thus had only a 4 day luteal phase again, which is perfectly normal for me at this stage after having a baby. I have wondered if my luteal phase my stay incredibly short for longer this time, since my periods have started back earlier than the other times? Or if they'll lengthen at the same time span as the other times, and so be fully back to normal (fertile) sooner than the other times? Who knows.
BUT, this cycle is weird! The weirdest cycle I think I have ever had! I am not bothered about it, just keeping an eye, and charting here and there to keep track. I am not temping at all because there's no real need. Just noting CM when it seems "of note" and any crampy or particularly headachy days, especially if I feel a bit hormonal or something with it. I have had EWCM but just a bit here and there, and clearly it hasn't led to ovulation. This has happened before, but not so drawn out as this. I am now on Cycle Day FORTY NINE!!! I know lots of women have gone way past that as a norm for them, but for me this is waaaaay outside of the norm, and I have never had a cycle this long, let alone not ovulated yet! Perhaps this cycle will be my first ever anovulatory cycle? Or maybe my body is trying (hence the signs here and there along the way) but not getting around to ovulating yet?
Another totally weird thing is that last week I had spotting - seriously! Again, I know spotting is perfectly normal for plenty of women mid-cycle, but not for me. The only spotting I have ever had is implantation spotting (or right after a smear test), when pregnant, so this is very odd to me! I had it with a lot of EWCM so I wondered if maybe I was ovulating, but I don't know if I really did. I had no cramping of any sort around that time, and I usually cramp with ovulation. Other times during my cycle I have had EWCM and cramping, but nothing came of that. I'm sure one way or another I will eventually get a period, so I'm not concerned about it, it's just weird to think I still haven't had my period after like 50 days! Crazy strange for me! If I DID ovulate with the last EWCM (with the spotting) then I am maybe 6DPO and I wouldn't expect my luteal phase to last any longer than that, so perhaps I will get my period for Christmas or something? Who knows! :)
I AM feeling a bit crampy this evening, and I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with life, like I can't keep on top of things and I'm more down on myself than usual, which I notice easily because it's so unusual for me to feel that way about myself.
Once in a cycle after Nathan, I didn't ovulate till CD thirty-something, as I had the same delayed ovulation thing then too, but this is really really late of me!
Anyway that is the update on my cycles and such! Still not really thinking at all about another baby because it seems so detached from now, you know? My cycles aren't fertile as far as I know, and Neil and I are not getting quality time, so to speak! ;) I'm just enjoying (soooo very much!) my current gorgeous squidgely happy baby boy, marvelling that he's five months old already, and busy busy with my other lovely children. I eagerly LONG for more babies in the future, and my heart turns towards international adoption too. I am excited to see what God will bring! Many times I feel sure He won't bless us again because we SURELY are not being good stewards with the blessings He has already given us, and that is important if God is going to allow us to receive more, I think. We do need a bigger home, but I don't concern myself with that as much because it's materialistic and really doesn't matter a whole lot. It would be MUCH better for us all if we had more space, but it isn't a reason for us to prevent sweet baby blessings that God may have in store for us. God is our provider, and we trust in Him. If he blesses us with more children, we fully believe that He will provide for our needs as we carry out His will in that! :)
I am thinking ahead to more children occasionally, just the odd day-dream, nothing concrete! ;) Only because I love the thought so much, and I hope so much that we have more children in our future. Our current children are actually eager for more siblings, at least Arthur is certainly eager, and Matthew and Nathan ADORE Benjamin (no jealousy issues at all since his birth with any of the boys) and seem very open to us having more. I don't think we've given them cause to believe that families PREVENT God opening the mummy's womb again and again according to His perfect will, though. That's what we tell them, and that's what they believe and accept happily. Arthur still asks when we'll have another! ;)
I can't help but think that if we DO have another baby, it will be another boy, haha! ;) I know I had this twin-girl feeling, well, more than a feeling, when I was praying when Nathey was a newborn and God told me that the next baby would be Benjamin. I don't know whether to trust it, in case it was my own head! Twin girls seems awfully unlikely unless it actually IS God making it happen! ;) I am getting comfortable with the idea of having 5 little boys close in age. I so hope we can have five close in age! I don't know what we'd call him, but we almost used Noah last time so perhaps that, although sometimes Neil wasn't too keen. We also liked Micah.
I'm scared to have twins but also weirdly hopeful that we will one day! I have been praying about it since Nathan was tiny, and it has never left my mind. It's probably a bad idea to be thinking about it over a long time like it could happen, because I don't want to be going down a wrong path in my thoughts or anything. But the thought won't disappear over all this time - nearly 2 years now. I have gone from feeling too scared to ever want to have twins, to looking forward with hope (and fear, lol!) to the day God may bless us that way. I have even actually - dare I admit this?! - started to PRAY that God will bless us with twins, though I am really scared of potential complications, difficult pregnancy and the type of birth that may result, and then HOW in the wide world would I care for newborn breastfeeding twins and four small boys?!?! We would (OBVIOUSLY!) be in a different, bigger, house. But still, it scares me! But ohhh how blessed we would be! What favour God would have shown us to allow not one but two precious babies to grow and flourish inside me! Incredible blessing. Sometimes phrases pop into my head randomly like, "My twins..." or "the twins", or even, "the GIRLS" without me intending them to be there. They surprise me! I squash them down quickly, feeling slightly embarrassed lest some nearby mind-reader hears my probably-daft thoughts! ;) I don't see myself being disappointed if we never have twins, or never have girls, because I am overjoyed to be a) mother of many, and b) mother of boys. It's so wonderful! I couldn't possibly complain or want a different "set" of children! I just want to have more BABIES, and will happily let God choose their gender.
You know I will be MADLY ECSTATIC if He chooses a girl (or two) though, don't you?! ;)
I know the names I would personally use for girly twins, but they're just my names, and Neil will quite likely not want to use them, going by our history, hehe! I may put my foot down somewhat over one of those names in particular though :) Neither of the names are Georgia, strangely enough! After all I have said since trying to conceive Arthur, about that being my favourite name EVER for a girl! ;)
Okay it's late, and I've updated and must go to bed. Oh but Benjamin is doing wonderfully. He had plagiocephaly (flat head) and a twist down his neck and spine into his pelvis (when we saw a children's osteopath), and he had one treatment and was then prayed for and HEALED by God! Yayness! So he is fine now. He rolls both ways, back to front, front to back, and started sitting (non-tripod!) unsupported tonight, for 2 minutes straight! He had done 10 seconds or so during the last week, but tonight he just took off, so to speak! He's desperate to play with his brothers and loves all their vehicles to watch, handle and mouthe! ;) He is gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous, and I could kiss him all day long if I didn't have a lot of other things to do as well, haha! ;)
His eyes are still greyish (not blue, but not clear or slate grey either - non-descript really) and I am sort of waiting for them to turn hazel or brown but nothing so far. Arthur's eyes were fully grey until 4.5 months old when they gradually went brown in splotches over a short period of time. We'll see! His hair is growing in well and fast, the fastest of all my boys so far. It is the same brown as Arthur and Nathan's hair. I don't know what he weighs as I haven't had him weighed in months, but he is hefty! He looks so big and chunky and I'm sure he's still up near the 90th percentile like he was before. That might make him around the 18lb mark? He is starting to outgrow 6-9 month clothes and size 3 Tesco nappies. He breastfeeds on demand night and day, and still wakes once during the evening and then 2-3 hourly at night still. That's okay. I am tired! But it's okay :) He sleeps in his Amby hammock (yes I did see the recall in the States - no news of anything here but I'm somewhat concerned about it!) for naps and at bedtime, and I put him back in it for all his evening/night wakings if I have stayed awake to do so! Otherwise we both go to sleep while he's breastfeeding in my bed, and he always wakes up next to me with a big smile (which is PRICELESS!!) and I adore this arrangement! :) He wears baby sleeping bags (grobags) in the Amby.
Benjamin is longing to eat food! Hehe! He munches his chops, reaches out and stares at my food on its way to my mouth, and so on. He is as ready as can be, but I will not give him anything till he is six months on the dot - that is my way, as most of my readers will already know. I do not believe a baby's digestive tract is mature enough to deal with solids until the age of six months. If they're five months and 3 weeks and 4 days, they're not six months old yet! ;) He is not lacking. While he is incredibly eager and longing, he is not in need of anything other than breastmilk yet. He may WANT that food, but he doesn't need it yet. He is well satisfied when he nurses and won't take a second side usually because he's full. He is huge and chunky (the rolls people, the ROLLS!!!) and happy. He will be super thrilled when I finally hand him a half-peeled banana on January 9th, but he can watch and learn for now! :) I am actually feeling a little sad about the fact that he'll only be exclusively breastfed for a few more weeks! I can't believe how fast it has gone by, and now it's almost GONE, that stage! :( It's definitely the fastest out of all my babies so far. But I am excited that in only a month or two, he will have made some drastic changes - eating with us, crawling, and sitting to play all the time with his brothers! How exciting that will be to behold! :)
Okay I MUST go to bed! And much of that was supposed to be part of a Benjamin update at my main blog with photos, but oh well! I will probably repeat myself a bit when I get around that update, but I'm glad to have it here for prosperity all the same!
I WILL (will will will will...) finish writing Benjamin's birth story soon and post it here the instant I have finished. I have written early labour so far, and I have notes for the rest of it so hopefully it won't be too hard to piece together and write! I am excited to write it, because it was a wonderful positive experience (that I can't WAIT to share with you all at last!), but I just never seem to have the time. Soon! :)
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