Elijah is 4 days old!

[WARNING: For those interested in seeing the true knot in Elijah's umbilical cord, I am posting a photo at the end of this blog entry. I am uploading that one through blogger so that it's a pretty small image, but you can click on it to see it larger/more clearly. It's a tight knot. I am having a bit of trouble processing it at the moment, which I didn't expect. Just knowing he had a greater chance of being stillborn than not. I'm flipping between inexpressably grateful and relieved, and this sort of clutchy horror feeling that I can't deal with at ALL, even though it didn't happen and he's okay. I mainly do not want to think or talk about it right now. I think it's okay to shove that under the carpet for now... Anyway, there's the photographic evidence if you are interested!]

Thank you for all the lovely congrats! :) I can't believe my tiny boy is actually HERE, and 4 days old already! I would have updated much sooner but my arms are always full of baby, and trying to do a blog post with one hand would drive me crazy! ;) He is sleeping on my front right now and I'm kind of slumped down somewhat in my bed - I was sitting up originally but I think that was about 2 hours ago! So I still only have one hand free to type with, but I figured I could make a start and add to the saved post bit by bit. I have photos to post so I can get those sorted out too, and then maybe if I put Elijah next to me on the bed and he stays asleep I can type more quickly to post some newsy stuff. Having said that, a) I never put him down, and b) on the rare occasions that I've had to for a minute, he wakes up pretty quickly and then starts a whole new feed cycle! Sometimes I lay him between my knees and sort of "cocoon" him with my legs so that he feels snug and secure, and he has slept like that for a couple of hours, once or twice. I still have to twist around to type with both hands on my laptop though, so it's not ideal for blog updates right now! :) More important and lovely though!

Okay, I have put him between my knees but he's stirring a bit. I think he will be hungry soon. My milk came in yesterday morning - well, it was on its way by the evening before (2 days old) because my breasts definitely felt like they were getting heavier, but what I hand-expressed still looked like colostrum. By 5am I could definitely tell my milk was in though! I pretty much had watermelons on my front by daytime, lol! And did any of my other nurslings want to help me out?! Nope! Elijah is so tiny that I was uncomfortable most of yesterday - even though he was feeding almost constantly, he could only take a tiny tummy-full at a time, so it didn't feel like it was making much difference to the not-quite-engorgement discomfort. I'm a little bit uncomfy today but much much better.

By yesterday evening, Elijah had already completely finished with meconium, at 3 days old!! :) He did a tan/orange meconium poo in the day time and then in the evening he did his first proper yellow seedy breastmilk poo. Yay! He has pooed sooooo many times today, all yellow and seedy and nice and normal.

Yesterday a maternity support worker came to weigh him - they seem to do visits now instead of the midwife, probably because there is such a crazy staff shortage of midwives these days. Anyway, she weighed Elijah and he was a teensy 6lbs 1oz (7.2% loss of birth weight, which is normal) - I still can't believe how tiny he is! I seem to comment on it to Neil constantly! I'm so unused to teeny babies, and it's so lovely! It is VERY much like having newborn Nathey all over again, except that of course he was tiny because he was early, but apart from that they are very similar sizes. Elijah is wearing all of the sweet little clothes that Nathan wore, and which none of my other babies have fitted into. All of Elijah's clothes are labelled "up to 7.5lbs" and most of them are really really baggy and big on him! I don't know his length because apparently they don't measure length any more at birth (?!) but he seems pretty normal in the length department. He fills out the length of everything easily, and is a bit long for some of the tiny clothes, but he is SO skinny and slender. His shoulders are narrow enough that the vests slide off one of them, and his limbs and torso are just so thin! I am pretty sure he'll plump up and get some yummy rolls on him over the next few weeks with some mummy milk, but I don't think I've ever had a baby so skinny and thin before! Even Nathey wasn't - he was just little and tiny all over. Neil thinks it's just because his own legs are thin and "scrawny" as he says (hehe!) and Elijah has his genes in that department.

Elijah has Neil's limbs for sure, arms and legs. I don't think any of the others have the same combination. He also has Neil's fingers AND Neil's feet, which is a first for any of our children! Arthur and Samuel have Neil's feet but my fingers. Nathan is the only other boy with Neil's long fingers, but he has my feet. Matthew and Benjamin have my hands AND my feet. So funny how the combinations continue being new, even after six babies! ;) Thankfully Elijah's feet are completely straight, unlike Arthur and Samuel's. I'll be keeping an eye on his toes though, as those were the main trouble for Neil and his siblings as they got older.

Well, I've managed a bit of an update so far but lil beep is waking up and squeaking in a slightly distressed way (he has such a tiny hoarse cry, and squeaks a great deal, bless him!), so I am going to scoop up his next-to-nothingness and put him to the breast. I love picking him up!! He's SO TINY and seems to just weigh nothing in my arms, and he's just such a small scrap of a human being in my hands as I lift him! It melts my heart every. single. time. So I'm going to do that again right now, and I'll continue with this later when I get chance :)

Okay, back 90 mins later having helped a little with bedtime for the boys, but Elijah is breastfeeding (well, he's barely conscious!) so I'm one-handed still. I will post some photos! :)

Little manny hates being dressed or undressed, and especially nappy changes! Here he is the day after he was born, right after I dressed him in the teeny sleepsuit that Nathan wore in the hospital, and which the boys have used for their baby doll since then. They are excited that he can fit "dolls' clothes"! He is actually too long for it, but the whole time he wore it, the legs/feet were flopping empty because he likes to pull his legs up out of the legs of clothing and keep them next to his tummy in the fetal position! :) He was pretty cross with me when I put him in it! He looks (from that wiiide open mouth) like he must be making a lot of noise, but he really does only have such a raspy little bleat!



He was sleeping later on at the end of a breastfeed and I put him down on his side since he'd been on his tummy/side against me, so I could go to the loo. He stayed sleeping for a little while and it was evening, after the boys were in bed, so Neil and I stayed watching him and just chatting about him, and how the boys were doing, it was nice :) The light was going outside as it was getting late, so the photos I took were pretty dim and grainy, but worth the capture all the same, to me. Elijah spends a LOT of time with his little hands by his face, and sleeps with either a hand on each cheek, or with two hands together, tucked under the cheek he's lying against. You can even see this in ALL of the photos I posted last entry, just a few hours old! He did both while we watched him sleep so I couldn't resist photos! He looked soooo sweet! Still one day old here:





Well it's now 10.20pm and Elijah has been either feeding, crying, or pooing for the last couple of hours continuously, and Samuel ended up not going to sleep until something crazy like 9.30pm!! Neil went out to get milk and bread after that, and finally Elijah is a tiny exhausted heap against my chest as I recline in bed, and I daren't move him! Maybe when he's been asleep a while longer. I'm eating fish and chips over him, a bit awkwardly, but I would rather him sleep against my chest than separated but nearby. There aren't many feelings more wonderful... :)

I am going to just post a couple more photos and leave the ones I took today for another entry another time. These photos are at 2 days old. I put him between my knees like I was describing earlier, when he had fallen asleep, and took a photo to remind myself of how tiny he is, and my happy view! And then another of his sleeping sweetness up close. I think he started to have a touch of jaundice that day, but it hasn't particularly worsened. He looks more jaundiced in the photo than he is, because of yellow reflection in the room. Anyway, here's my treasure at 2 days old, the day before yesterday :)





I completely love him. I have so much more to write but I will have to do that another time.

If you are interested in seeing the photo of Elijah's knotted umbilical cord and placenta, I am posting it here below, otherwise scroll back up, fast, lol! ;)

He's here!

Elijah Douglas has arrived! :)

Little pickle continued his pattern of unpredictability, and contractions started regularly and painfully literally minutes before we left for the hospital! We waited an hour to see if they'd pick up, so that when we went into hospital we would not need the IV induction (always better natural, as the midwives have kept telling me). After an hour things were definitely hotting up, and I decided to stay and have my baby at home, since I usually labour fairly quickly now.

I was in established labour probably from 11.30am, which the midwives took from Heather's observations - she felt that the contractions became more serious "active labour" from that point (first contraction was 9.30am ish while breastfeeding Samuel to sleep for his nap, right before "going"). At first the contractions were just low soreness and very short (30 seconds maybe) but I was having about 2 or 3 of them in each 10 minute period, so they were pretty regular. I didn't have to breathe through them and I was a bit worried it would all go away! But they got stronger quickly, though not much longer. The crampy pain stayed between contractions within the first hour and it was hard to move or walk about without loads of pain, so I tried to stay still. Heather did have me sit on the birth ball for a while to really do everything I could to get things established. When it looked like things WERE, we called Jackie, and she CAME OVER!!! :) The head of community midwives! She was my main midwife and delivered Elijah, and was WONDERFUL. I couldn't have had a more experienced, knowledgeable, fantastic midwife, and I'm so thrilled and grateful. The second midwive, Karen, was someone I hadn't met before but she was lovely too.

Elijah was born after about 3 hours of established labour, at 2.20pm. Oh my WORD transition and pushing him out was hooooorrrrrrible, hehe! I always say that, because it always is! But so worth it! I had a better time of it this time, mentally, because I felt really familiar with my pattern of labour and could really see the same pattern progressing, which helped me feel more grounded when the pain became unbearable. I used no pain relief, just breathing, and holding Heather's hand.

I really did PUSH him out! I don't often do that with my babies, hehe! I had an urge to push and went with it, and if I got the feeling that I was going to lose it mid-push and start making a ton of noise, I stopped pushing and blew blew blew through the rest of the contraction for all I was worth. I gave birth lying on my right side facing the edge of the bed (facing Heather), and that's where I mostly laboured too. When I could feel his head moving down a bit during transitional contractions, I told them so, and Jackie looked but couldn't see anything. She asked if I could lift my top leg but I said I couldn't, and so Heather lifted it just as a contraction was starting, I had no choice but to push with the feeling, and his head was born very quickly from nowhere! I did make some noise when the head was crowning but not the loud wailing I've made in the past - more just a lower "aaaaaarrrrghhhh", lol! And I rolled my face forwards into the pillow to a) cope with the sensation, and b) stifle the noise for the boys downstairs. I had a clear ring of fire sensation this time, and his head really POPPED out right afterwards. I knew what that meant and I was so relieved! The contraction was already finishing, but the sensation of his body in there was so uncomfortable, so I kept blowing through that feeling until the next contraction came, which was pretty fast. I knew that would be probably the most uncomfortable part (shoulders rotating and birthing always are for me, and that is also when I tear each time), so when the contraction came I pushed but blew once I reached the point of wanting to shout about it, and just tried to let him come at his own speed (which was very fast but felt like a long and dreadful sensation all the same!). In my mind I was frantically saying to myself, "He's here, he's here, this part means he's here, let him come, let him come!" to try and ride out the moment until it was over. I knew it wouldn't take long, but I just needed something to cope with the awfulness of it!

And then it WAS over! :) Oh the relief and the absolute joy, looking down and reaching for him as they passed this TEENY little person up between my legs and onto my tummy. He was fairly quiet at first but soon became very agitated and cried quite a lot for a long time, even with snuggles and lots of love on my tummy/chest! He pinked up almost immediately.

Elijah had a true knot in his cord!!! How incredibly scary, if I had known that while still pregnant, and how thankful I am to God for sparing his life. Jackie said she rarely sees a true knot, and she's surprised his heartrate was so good all the way through labour right to the very point of birth! I asked if it could account for his slower growth, but she didn't think so particularly. He's very healthy and his cord was pulsating well still. At the scans, they had done dopplers on his umbilical cord several times to check the resistance of the flow, and it was normal and fine. I took a photo of the cord and placenta, which I could post but it's pretty gory! ;) I will if you want me to though! :)

His placenta took AGES to come out! Aaaages. I had a natural third stage as I had wanted, though they were ready to the syntometrine injection because it really wasn't coming out. I kept having contractions and it still didn't appear, and Elijah had a nice long feed but still nothing! Eventually they had me get out of bed and sit on a potty on the chair to see if gravity helped, but it didn't, and I became very tired being upright and didn't feel nice after a while, so they put me back to bed.

Eventually I wondered about the whole pregnancy/pre-labour thing being SO very contrary! No matter what decision I made, at that point something would change and I would have to do the opposite thing, and then when I thought that was going ahead, something would change again, hehe! So I said this to the midwives, and then said, "I'm saying out loud (looking sternly at my baggy tummy and directing my words in its general direction!), "I'm going to have the syntometrine injection now"!!" and then I literally immediately had a contraction and pushed, and out came my placenta in one go, all intact, lol! It was so funny because of how no matter what I've said over the past 4 days, the opposite has then occurred, and it happened just the same for the placenta in such a funny way! ;) I think it was over an hour or 90 minutes waiting for it, up to that point! They let me go longer than they usually would, just to try and keep it all as natural as possible.

They couldn't 100% confirm that all the membranes were out, because there were some ragged parts, but they told me that my body will work any little bits out, and I need to call them if I have large clots or heavy bleeding, so they can check me out.

I felt kind of feverish the last hour or two of my labour, and I took my temperature (as I had been doing 4-hourly) a couple of hours before the end, but it was normal. I figured I just felt hot because it was a REALLY hot day in a south-facing bedroom, and I was labouring. When Elijah was born and they took his temperature, it was up a little, and my heart sank. It was 37.6, so they uncovered him (he was skin-to-skin at the time, but covered with a towel for warmth) and his temp came down to normal really quick. All his other obs were fine. I wanted to take my own temperature because I did feel a bit too hot, not-right hot, you know? Eventually after the placenta palava, they did my obs and my temperature was almost the same as Elijah's had been - 37.5. I was worried it was a sign of infection, after how long my waters were broken, but they said to take some paracetamol and they would take it again before they left. It came down to almost normal, and has been back up to 37.2 (barely a raised temp at all) once the paracetamol wore off, but I've taken some more now. They said they aren't concerned about my temp, and that once the day's heat cools off and I get some rest, if it's spiking up then I need to call them and they will check me and provide me with antibiotics in case of infection, if that's the case. Otherwise they'd expect it to stay low or non-existant. An infection would make it spike higher, or produce other symptoms along with a fever eventually, so I am just keeping an eye on myself really.

I have felt remarkably well since giving birth! Probably the most well I've ever felt after birth, which is lovely! I didn't feel weak and wobbly at all after the first hour or two, and usually that doesn't happen for the first 24 hours or so. I have been able to get up and go to the loo without shuffling along feeling weak and dreadful, verrrry slowly! ;) Also, I did not need any stitches this time!!!!! :D My very first time ever not having stitches! Jackie found that I did have a tear, but it was so small. She said that she could put a couple of stitches in for me, but it wasn't bleeding at all so she felt it would be fine to just leave it to heal, if I wanted. And I DID want! ;) Stitches are no fun!

I am not feeling any soreness at all from my perineum, and weeing stings a little bit but it's perfectly bearable. My blood loss is normal at the moment and I am not having a horrible time at all with after pains - maybe the paracetamol is helping there though?

Elijah is breastfeeding well, and sleeping sooooo cutely in between. He did a huuuuuge meconium poo all over my tummy within minutes of birth, and the little waters that were left to go pop as his head was born had some meconium in them, but not much. He has done a huge meconium poo in his first nappy so far, but I am not sure if he's weed yet. I am doing his observations 2-hourly around the clock - temperature, respirations, heart rate, etc. I use my stethoscope for his heart rate. Everything is normal so far, except that last time I took his temp it was a bit too low, so I've put him in a sleepsuit instead of a vest (it's so hot, and he's on my body most of the time so I'd thought a vest was enough). Hopefully his temp has come up now. It's time to do his next set of obs so I must go.

Here are a few photos of the big boys meeting their new baby brother for the first time, about 2 hours after he was born, and then one of him finally dressed in something at about 4 hours old. He's so delightfully gorgeous and tiny (oh I almost forgot! He weighed in at 6lbs 8oz, sweet little manny!) and I think he looks most like newborn Nathan, but he's very much his own little person with his own look. ALL the boys are ecstatic about him, and Samuel is very relaxed and smiley around him too.

Thank you for praying and commenting! I really appreciate it! :)

40 weeks, 4 days - STILLLLLL pregnant!

There's really no time for an update but I must just dash one off quickly!

Midwife came round and found Elijah too high (totally un-engaged) to safely perform a sweep, in case of cord prolapse, so I had to go into hospital (with Heather) for induction.

When we got there, they checked my tummy first and thought he was actually WELL engaged, but couldn't be sure if it was a bottom or a head! :S So I had to decide what to do. I decided to go with the option they gave of having an internal examination to determine his position, and if his head was down AND low enough, to have a sweep. If they found bulging waters, then NOT to break them as a method of inducing labour, because they said if I had just the sweep then they would let me go home and wait for labour to start a bit longer, and sweeps have always worked for me in the past, so I went with that.

They found his head nice and low, hooray! I was 2-3cm dilated, cervix at the front (ready for labour, good sign), thick but soft. So they did the sweep, which was amazingly NOT painful, just a bit uncomfy - I was so surprised! :) She found no membranes to break, but felt that he had them tightly plastered over his head, thus nothing bulging to pop. She said if that's how I normally "do it" then no wonder they always break right as the babies are crowning, and that's good. The leak of amniotic fluid that I have is like Nathan's one, from higher up (the hindwaters), and it's continuous but not very plentiful.

So I came home (so relieved!) and waited. EVERYONE was so confident that I would go into labour, but somehow I just didn't share their confidence. My mum said on the phone that I was being negative about it, but honestly I did not feel confident that I would actually start contracting. I know there was every reason that I WOULD, and my cervix was obviously ready, but still...

So I was exhausted and still had a horrid headache last night, and went to bed at 10.30ish, having had a few random "tightenings" since the sweep, some sore in my groin, lower back and under my bump at the front, which was vaguely encouraging. It did seem to me that it coincided with Elijah moving around vigorously though, which I thought was more likely to be my womb just being irritable and reacting solely because of that, but anyway...

It took me a little while to go to sleep, and I woke at 2am and then for the day pretty much at 5.15am when Samuel woke Neil up and they went downstairs. I took my temperature pretty much 3-hourly (it's fine) overnight because they want me to take it 4-hourly to keep an eye for signs of infection since my waters broke so long ago. It's still fine this morning, but I have a totally calm womb - no contractions - and I am not in the least bit surprised for some reason. I can't explain it, it's weird!

I went back to bed at 6.15 - all the boys were up by then, and I had a chance to calmly talk to them about what to expect for the day ahead, that Mummy was going to go into hospital since I had no contractions (Arthur asked the instant he woke up if I was having any, and was so disappointed and anxious when I said not, poor love!), and I would get a special medicine to help the baby come quicker, and I would need to stay there to have the baby. Yesterday they were prepped for this because Neil told them the same stuff while they were out at the park (I had to go while they were out and I called them on the mobile to let them know), but although they accepted it, some of them were a bit upset. Matthew in particular felt very sad about me not being home for a couple of days, and was quite tearful on the way home :( It's just SO much better for us ALL when I have homebirths. *sigh*

So, they are duly prepped by a cheerful mummy in advance, which is better, I hope. I have phoned Heather and she's on her way round. I phoned labour ward and they know I'm coming and are ready for me. I had breakfast (cereal) at 5.30ish because I don't want to eat any more once things are getting going, and I pretty much knew I'd be going in at that point. Since then I went back to bed and dozed/slept until 7ish, and when I woke I was having waves of crampy sensations, front and back. They felt like contractions, but my tummy wasn't going hard and they were VERY short (like 10-20 seconds) and came every few minutes. If I lay on my side they were there, but if I lay on my back to see if they carried on, they didn't. I decided I still felt really tired so I had a bit more sleep until 8ish, and there was no change with the crampy sensations, so I am getting up and getting going.

I am dreading a canula in my arm! I get really panicky about having an IV! But I do feel at peace about it, like it's for the best - I will be relieved to get antibiotics going in for my little one now. I am getting worried about him even though he is probably absolutely going to be fine. It will be extra peace of mind to know I've had the antibiotics to cover him for infection (and me too, I suppose). He is active this morning so that's reassuring too. He was SO active (I mean, like he wasn't that thrilled, lol!) after the sweep, for an hour or so! ;)

I do love him SO much. I am excited like I can't describe about getting to meet him today. I just can't wait to have my arms filled with him, but I'm feeling kind of scared about the process necessary to get to that point. I'm anxious about labour and birth suddenly, no matter whether it's at home or not! I know Heather will help me stay calm and I will try to keep focused on God. Oh I must try to remember to tell you (after it all, obviously) about the midwife, Anne, who came round to do a sweep yesterday and ended up sending me in. Don't let me forget! ;)

I am not sure if I'll be able to update in hospital. They do have pay-as-you-go internet but I am thinking Heather will have me staying quiet and trying to keep as "inside myself" as possible during labour, which will not involve trying to type on an annoying keyboard! ;) I don't have a mobile phone (gasp, lol!) so can't text an update to Facebook even. I don't have any idea what lies ahead in terms of staying in hospital afterwards. I know their policy is to monitor the baby for like 48 hours or something after birth with a GBS+ mother, but I don't intend to follow that anywhere other than my own home (I am perfectly able to monitor him if he seems healthy at birth, like I have for my others). I do have the issue of probably not feeling up to getting out of bed to COME home for a while... I'm not sure how that will work. I know I will be longing to get home to my little ones, but not sure if I can physically manage it for a while. I have told the boys I will likely be staying overnight tonight at the hospital, if everything goes fine and he's born today.

I'm so nervous about complications! I hope the baby copes well with labour, and that the induction works well and quickly. I know C-section isn't the end of the world or anything, but I can't tell you how desperately I wish to avoid one! Obviously if it's necessary for the baby to be born alive, then ABSOLUTELY. But I'm scared of ending up needing one. Please pray!

I'll update asap! It's a beautiful day to be born here - it's going to be hot and sunny and gorgeous all day. Probably too hot for a homebirth, for me personally, so at least I'll get to have him on a lovely day whilst enjoying the "cool" of the hospital! ;)

40 weeks, 3 days - still here!

Quick update!

It's now 12.55pm the next day after my waters broke, and I'm still at home. Having the most fabulous care from the head of community midwives, Jackie, who is calling me from home regularly to check on me, and telling me she plans to come out to attend my labour and birth when it starts! HOW WONDERFUL!

The only thing is, I am still not in labour. I have had NO contractions whatsoever, so far. This morning I have been having light pink staining on my pad along with the continuing waters draining, and that's really encouraging because Heather says that is a bloody show - labour should not be far off. Last time I had a bloody show without any other signs of labour was with Benjamin, and contractions started probably 4 or 5 hours later. So far there's still nothing, and I am not sure what to expect.

A midwife is on her way over right this minute to give me "a really good sweep", which is a slightly nerve-wracking thought! :S The idea is that it should put me into labour pretty quickly (today) and then I can hurry up and have my little manny. If it doesn't, then I will need to go into hospital - there's no exact time-frame, but probably this evening? Or tomorrow morning? Because the risk of infection to the baby is gradually increasing (it's tiny, but still there), and will become more so once somebody has done an internal examination and a sweep. The Group B Strep is the only reason for any pressure of any sort, but even so the risks are still low to Elijah. I have to keep remembering that, because there is so much HYPE about GBS, but the risks are actually really really (really) low. Jackie and Heather keep reminding me which is very reassuring and helpful! Jackie says she would probably be erring on the side of caution later today if nothing was happening, and suggesting (though she said I absolutely don't HAVE to) that I go into hospital and get labour started so that it isn't going on too long. I am open to that, I just wish I would start contracting already so that I can have this baby at home! I will be anxious about him when he's born even so, hoping that he's okay. But I just want to HAVE him already! Please please body, pleeeease start contracting.

Heather brought round some clary sage oil last night and put it in her oil burner, because apparently it can get contractions going. But it did nothing at all for me - I had the quietest evening for BH contractions for ages, even! Ah the irony! ;) Today I have refreshed the clary sage and have been on my birth ball bouncing a bit. There's not that much in the way of waters leaking. They are draining continually but in very small amounts - it's a tiny leak more than a gusher, and I should think he is still surrounded by pretty much all of his amniotic fluid still. I don't think I've lost all that much in total. I've soaked through three maternity pads since last night, so that's not that much considering the pints and pints that are in there! ;) The fluid is still nice and clear, and Elijah is moving around a lot today.

I didn't sleep too well - well it took me a while to get to sleep with RLS again, but eventually I got up and stretched my legs and directed the fan at my feet, and went to sleep pretty quickly after that. I don't know what time it was, maybe 2am? Then I slept solidly until about 5.15, and dozed until 6.30 when I got up (the boys were up already). I had a horrible headache, which I had last night and it didn't go away with painkillers. It was fine while I was sleeping, but within about 60 seconds of being awake it came back. It's in my eyes and sinuses and forehead, ugh. It's definitely the most bothersome thing I'm dealing with today. I have had another round of painkillers this morning but it has persisted all the same.

Heather is running a stall at a craft fair this morning and for the next hour probably, but it's in our local area, and she has her phone with her. She took her hubby and daughter with her so that they can take over the instant she needs to dash off to be with me. I would sort of like her to be with me now, especially for the sweep, but there's nothing actually happening so she might as well finish her craft fair. I've phoned her several times though, for advice and to update her, so we can be in touch just fine.

I have had a bath (having cleaned it first) - Heather said it was fine to have a bath in my own bath tub! Now I have laid a maternity bed pad on the bed and I await the midwife! Please pray that this sweep will work almost immediately (the last one got me very crampy from about 10 mins after being done, but Matthew's did not work until the next morning) and I will have my baby today - at home would be so so so wonderful. But I want what's best and safest for him. At this stage, hospital is not yet the safest place for him to be born. Home is safer until there's enough of a risk to him, and there isn't just yet. I am taking my temperature every 4 hours as they've instructed me to, so if that goes up then I will go in straight away.

I will try to keep my blog posted, but if I can't, I will update when I can afterwards. If you know me on Facebook, please please don't mention Elijah's name by mistake when commenting on my statuses! If you happen to see someone who's done so, would you please mind sending them a quick message so they can delete it asap. His name is the only thing I haven't announced to my real life friends and some family members and the entire of my church, all of whom follow me on Facebook, and there have been a couple of slip-ups already from online friends who know Elijah's name - thankfully I saw them quickly and deleted the comments, hopefully before anyone who didn't know saw them! I can't wait to announce his name and birth details - that part is SO much fun! :)

Okay, better get off the laptop ready for the midwife. I think I will lie down and rest until she's here because my head is sore and I feel quite tired now. I did sleep again from about 7.45 to just before 9am when the phone woke me (Heather was checking on me). It felt like good sleep, but the headache started again right after I woke. I'm eating and drinking, and otherwise feeling fine, but it's juuuust starting to become a little bit too hot for comfort in terms of the weather, even with the windows open and a good strong breeze blowing. Hopefully I'll keep cool enough. The weather could easily cause me headaches like this, but I did have a hormonal cry yesterday morning and it seems like every time I cry I end up with horrible sinusy headaches the next day, for ages! Hopefully it'll go away soon though. Will be back when I can! :)

40w2d - waters have broken! :)

Today Elijah has moved SO VERY LITTLE, it has been worrying. When he hadn't moved at all except for one little shoulder shrug by 11.30am, I phoned Heather and she said to call the Day Assessment Unit, because it would be wise to go and have him checked out. She said he could just be gearing up for labour, but it's better to check if it was 5 or 6 hours. My doppler battery was dead so I couldn't check him, and it was a worry because I had done the cold drink/bar of chocolate trick and he still hadn't moved.

I phoned the DAU and they said to come in, so Neil came home from work as fast as he could (took an hour, which is normal), and then I picked Heather up and we went to the hospital. While we were on the way, Elijah suddenly pushed his little feet about! Just for a minute, but it was such a relief!

We had quite a wait at the hospital before they had a bed free for me, but then they hooked me up to the monitors and all was fine. His heartrate was in the 130s and 140s most of the time, but after a while he started to be REALLY active, the little monkey! ;) His heart rate responded great to his movements, and they monitored him for half an hour. I had two contractions during that time, just BHs but it was nice to see the proper little "hills" on the trace all the same!

Anyway, that was that. They were happy with him and said maybe he's just gearing up for labour (everyone is saying that!).

I was sitting on the kitchen bench, having made fairy cakes (yay, the last baking item I wanted to get done - I did flapjacks last night!) and macaroni cheese for dinner. Neil was serving the food and I was chatting to him, when suddenly I felt a sort of.... leaky let-down feel. I didn't mention it to Neil, I said I was just going to the loo, and went to check on what it was. I was hoping it might be a show of some sort - I could already tell it wasn't urine - it just wasn't coming from the right place.

When I pulled down my underwear I had a pantyliner on, and whatever fluid it was had no colour. There wasn't much at all, so I sat down on the toilet, and then some fluid sort of fell out of me into the water. Just like that! And then nothing more. I looked down and could see that it was cloudy/white in the water. I wiped and basically had a lot of mucus plug with whatever else was there, but nothing bloody. After I emptied my bladder there was still the odd leaky feel, so I put another pantyliner on, and went downstairs to tell Neil that something was leaking, and mayyybe it could possibly be my waters? I didn't know at the time, but it was certainly occuring to me that it might be. I was just talking to him (standing up in the kitchen) when there was that same sort of slow let-down feel of fluid, and I went back upstairs to check it while everyone else started dinner.

Nothing much on the pad, but definitely something. I sat down on the toilet again and there was a tiny leak into the water (not wee). Then nothing more. I decided to lean right back on the seat and then right forwards, and right back again, and sure enough when I leaned back some fluid leaked out. It was still clear/cloudy-looking in the water.

I phoned Heather straight away and she said to put a big pad on, lie down for half an hour, and then stand up, and if my waters had broken I would know about it! ;) So I called down to Neil and he came out of the kitchen (I really didn't want to alert the boys), and I told him what she'd said.

I lay down for 30 mins, and Elijah was SO active the whole time! Downstairs I could hear the boys practically manic and hyper - they've been SO difficult today, and Samuel hasn't wanted me to leave the room which isn't like him, so that was a hmmm moment for me as well. When I got up, I felt some leaking, but not much. I sat back down on the bed and sort of rolled down to one side, legs still over the edge, and then back up to sitting, and down to the other side, and yeahhhh - definitely leaking fluid! So I phoned Heather back and she said that was definitely my waters having broken!

I can't believe my waters have broken BEFORE labour! Urgh. I am not sure if I will be able to have this baby at home, because of the Group B Strep - I have to go in if they break early. Right now it's 9pm (2 hours later) and I am not having any contractions, and I'm continually leaking small amounts of fluid. I managed to do the usual bedtime routine with the boys, and they're all asleep. Heather is on her way over and then I guess when I call the midwife I will be asked to go in. I don't know.

One way or the other, Elijah is coming! :) Please please pray that if I am to have a hospital birth there will be no need for interventions (other than maybe they'll induce me), and everything will go quickly and smoothly. I will have to stay in for Elijah to be monitored at least 24 hours, which will be hard for me hormonally speaking, since I always can't stand to be away from my other children. So thankful Heather will be with me! I need to go now since she's on her way, and I haven't phoned my mum to update her yet.

Hopefully May 26th will be Elijah's birthday! I can't wait to hold his sweet little self! I will update when I can, but I am not sure when that will be.

40 weeks, 2 days

Just a quick post if I can manage one, because I didn't get round to the usual evening bulletin (!) last night, and now it's the morning I haven't got much time with the little ones up and about.

Yesterday Neil stayed home all day!!! :) In the morning I had quite a few strong BHs though nothing remotely regular, and I had a SHOW!!! So exciting! It was not a bloody show, so nothing that tells me for sure that labour is on the way imminently, but well enough mucus plug to be a proper show. Neil took the boys to the park in the morning before the heat of the day set in, and then phoned work to say I'd had a show (which occurred while they were out) and decided to take the day as holiday time if labour didn't start. Work have been very good and he hardly has any work to do there at the moment anyway, because they know I'm about to have a baby so they've pretty much cleared his calendar and given him temporary bits and pieces to do. Makes for a bit of a boring time for him there while he waits, but it's easy for him to drop it and go when he needs to without impacting on the work being done, so that's good.

Anyway, such a lovely lovely relief, to know the boys were getting out in the lovely weather. They were right to go out in the morning. It was 82 degrees (28C) in the afternoon and kind of muggy with it, and we all just flaked out wearing as little as possible with the curtains closed to keep the sun out. The air outside was much much warmer than inside, so we had to keep the windows shut too, urgh. NOT a day to give birth!

How I wished I would have a baby yesterday! But when I was trying to rest during the afternoon I realised it was a BAD day to have a homebirth. Baaaad. My bedroom is where I give birth, and it faces south. It's a tiny bedroom and when I'm labouring we keep the door shut. Even with the fan on full-blast and the blackout curtains shut (and window, to keep the hot air out), it was pretty unbearable to try to even rest in, let alone labour and give birth. Today is meant to be a bit cooler, but I'm not sure now. It looks like it's going to get as hot as yesterday to me... Anyway, hot enough for the bedroom to be pretty awful again, so I guess it wouldn't be great to have to try and labour in there again this afternoon. Evenings are obviously better in there with the window open, without the sun on the front of the house, and the mornings have a lovely cool breeze until noon-ish. But it doesn't get comfortable in the bedroom until about 4am! :S We do have an air conditioning unit that we can plug in and hang the hose out of the boys' bedroom window, but if my door is closed for labour and birth then I won't feel the effects of that anyway. We had to switch it on in the end yesterday, and it made the boys' room much more bearable for bedtime.

The night before last (after I last updated) I had SUCH a bad sleep! My RLS was the worst it has been, and even my usual stretches didn't make any difference. I couldn't get cool enough even with the fan on full, 2 feet from the bed, and the window and curtains wide open! The main distraction was that my feet felt really swollen and burning, and I couldn't elevate them properly since I can't lie on my back without feeling lightheaded now my bump is this big and heavy. I just tossed and turned and got up and stretched my legs, and did it all over again, until after 3am. A fox was dragging a bin about in the street for a while which was distracting! ;) I must have dozed off sometime between 3 and 4am, but I woke on the dot of 4am from a fragmented dream as though I had just had a shallow sleep a few minutes long. I had to go for a wee, and then thankfully I went to sleep, but woke at 5.45 and couldn't get back to sleep after that. Ugh! So thankful that Neil was home, but all the times I tried to go to bed and get some sleep, I just couldn't drop off no matter what I tried. My legs went horribly jumpy every time I lay down, or even sat still. In the end when they went out, and I had a show (yay!), I had a bath (trying to keep those quite frequent now, knowing that I could be giving birth soon!) and then pumped up the birth ball which I found at the bottom of my homebirth box. I thought I had lost the plug for it, but I found it in the bedside table drawer, yay!

I sat on the birth ball in my bedroom and bounced while I prayed through the prayers that Heather printed out and laminated for me when I was expecting Benjamin - they are based on the ones at the back of the book "Supernatural Childbirth" and I love them because they're so declarative and faith-based! They soothe me and make me feel more confident about what's ahead, and about my baby and myself being well. One of them is specifically a prayer against fear, which is very apt for me at pretty much all times! After I prayed, I sang some worship songs for a while and bounced some more. It was actually a really lovely time! Then I felt tired out, and tried to rest again, but to no avail. I kept going to the loo and checking but I had no more mucus plug.

Most of the day I felt kind of spacey and lightheaded, but that could easily have been tiredness or the heat in the afternoon. I tried to keep drinking, but I didn't have much of an appetite again. Late afternoon I had another show, maybe even a little bigger than the previous one! Still no blood in it though, but it encouraged me all the same. I also felt very very crampy and sore under my bump and in the small of my back, and I had to walk about very slowly holding my bump up a bit - it just felt tight and stiff and sore underneath.

As I was breastfeeding Samuel at bedtime last night, I started to have regular BH contractions again, which I could feel very pressurey in my groin, and quite sharply under my bump. Some of them were sharp in my cervix too, so all of the discomfort was VERY encouraging, but the actual contractions I was aware could be just the usual evening bout of BHs. This time I did my best to completely ignore everything, and get on with various activities and move about plenty if I felt like it - change positions and whatnot. TRY to make them go away, and if they didn't then I would maybe pay them more attention. I didn't time them in the slightest.

They obviously did fizzle out but I had them most of the evening - not as frequent or regular as the evening before, I don't think, but then I wasn't paying them much attention.

This morning I woke from a MUCH better sleep! Probably one of the best sleeps I've had in a while actually, which is so nice! My legs were jumpy as I got in bed, but it was my swollen burning feet that prevented me from sleeping again, so after a while of trying to elevate them without success, I went to the bathroom and got a cold wet facecloth and a towel. I balled the towel up on the bed, put my feet on it, and the facecloth on top of my feet, and aimed the fan (on full blast) at my feet. Bliss! I was asleep within probably 15 minutes! :) I did wake at 4.45am for a wee, but other than that I slept right through! When I woke up at 6.45 I rolled over in bed and my lower back seemed to be in a tight painful cramp which made it reeeeeally sore to roll over. I didn't really go back to sleep until Neil came in to wake me at 7.15, but I had a couple of tight BH contractions in that time. Being upright is less sharp and painful under my bump this morning, but my lower back is constantly sore and tight. I wonder if that could just be from bouncing on the birth ball? I am not used to any sort of exercise (unfortunately!) so I think it could just be that...

Kids are going crazy so I will be back later.

40 weeks pregnant! My due date! :)

Well the day has actually arrived! It's my due date today! And no baby yet. None of the others had (naturally) come by now though, so I shouldn't be too surprised or impatient, but I confess I am already starting to feel a bit impatient. :S

The weather is soooooooo nice! I want to have a baby already! I don't enjoy this kind of anticipation!

I've had no signs of anything today, except a few tiny things to report:

* VERY quiet baby today. When I said he was quiet before, I had no idea! He IS moving, but about half as much as he did on the "quiet" couple of days from before. When he had only had about 3 sessions of movement by the time I was starting to think of making the boys' tea (5pm ish) I got a bit worried. On those quieter days, he still had 8 sessions of movement from when I woke until when I got in bed at night, so to only have 3 by 5pm is definitely not his usual level of activity. Two of those had also just been a single sort of shoulder-shrug/squirm. Heather said I shouldn't be going like 5 or 6 hours without any movement, but his sessions of movement were pretty well spaced out, so maybe 4 hours between each one. Still I was ready to call someone and ask what to do about it. He had just had some movement in the hour or so before that point, so I thought I would get the boys sorted for dinner and bath them, and then Neil would be home and I'd see how things were then. In the couple of hours between then and doing the boys' bedtime routine, he had 3 separate sessions of movement, and was more wiggly than before, so that was really encouraging. He was SO quiet the rest of the day though, goodness! That definitely makes me wonder about it being a pre-labour thing though...

* I haven't had much of an appetite at all today, which - over an entire day - isn't usual for me at all unless I also have IBS at the time, which I haven't. It's not that nothing sounds good, or that I can't decide what to eat. I just don't feel hungry. I was hungry for breakfast as usual, but for the rest of the day I didn't have an appetite even for treats really. I picked at various bits for lunch, and just had cereal and banana and a yoghurt, that kind of thing. I didn't feel unwell at all, just not hungry. I figured I'd get hungry in the afternoon and catch up then, but I didn't. When I gave the boys their tea, I made them fruit salad for pudding, and that looked nice so I had a bit, which went down fine but I didn't really have an appetite for anything more. This evening I haven't had dinner. I just plain haven't felt at all like eating, although not remotely unwell in any way. I'm beginning to think now I should eat something, and there's some vague hunger somewhere in the background, so I'm trying to eat a bowl of granola cereal, which isn't working too well. I kind of want it, but chewing and swallowing is just not feeling that natural, and I'm not hungry. So that makes me wonder as well...

* I have had a lot of CM today. A LOT. I can't call it mucus plug at all really, though I have had the odd tiny bit in with it on occasion. I wear a thin pantyliner these days and this morning had to change it by 9.45am, just a couple of hours after putting it on! I had to change it again by mid-afternoon. It's definitely not anything to do with my waters breaking (I know the difference from my experience with Nathey, and how it should be if that's happened and I sneeze/cough/lie-down, etc. And it's not that), and there's nothing odd about the CM at all, there's just lots of it. I did have a LOT of CM after initially having a show, before contractions even started with Benjamin's labour. I had to change my pad then too, but it wasn't my waters breaking.

* After a day of totally quiet womb, at 8.45pm I was sitting on the sofa checking Facebook and I had a pretty uncomfortable BH contraction. Not unusual. And then another one a few minutes later. And another one a few minutes later, and so on. At 9pm I opened up Contraction Master online so I could just poke a button when one started and see how far apart they were, while carrying on with what I was doing online. I timed them for an hour, and stopped because in the last 20 minutes of that time I was on the phone to my mum, and she eventually suggested getting up and walking about to see if they continued, so I reluctantly did, lol! They seemed to stop. Well, I had one 20 mins later in the kitchen, but nothing else really. My bump was very tight and uncomfy-feeling in between contractions though, so it was sometimes hard to tell when one had gone off or was starting. They didn't hurt at all, just felt tight and uncomfy, and some were a bit pressurey on my cervix. I could totally talk through them, but they distracted me a bit while they were there for the most part. I came back to the sofa before the phone call finished and had a few there, like before.

I think when I relax back into the sofa, that's the position that I most easily have BH contractions in, so that might be why I had so many. They came 2-3 minutes apart for a good while, with the odd 4 or 6 thrown in, and when I was on the phone (before getting up) they were a bit less regular - 4, 10, 7 and 2 minutes apart - and then I got up and they pretty much went off. The nice thing was that Elijah was active the ENTIRE time - over an hour of fairly constant movement, which isn't at all normal for him, but very reassuring for me! :) He changed position after the first few (I hope all this doesn't mean he was distressed by the contractions in any way, hmmm....) in that he rolled his back over to my right side with his little knee up against my left side. I had a constant searing ligament pain in my left side where his limbs were (they're never there on that side so I guess my ligament there isn't used to it!) for about 20 minutes, which was really sore!

Now I've been on the sofa sitting up for nearly an hour since finishing the phone call with my mum, and I have been having BH contractions on and off, but not timing them or focusing on them enough to get a feel for spacing. Elijah is moving at the moment too, so it's like he's making up for the quiet day this evening! ;)

The cereal isn't going down great. My tummy feels like it doesn't want it, so I'm giving up and going to bed. I'm really tired now, but weirdly I have felt very alert and non-sleepy today. I noticed it most obviously when I was breastfeeding Samuel in bed for his nap this morning. I can't remember when I last did that without feeling like I had taken a sleeping pill and having to fight to push past a huuuuuuge wave of sleepy exhaustion. It's so unusual for me NOT to feel that way when I put him down for a nap, that I really noticed it today when I felt as alert and wide awake as anything even after lying next to a dozing baby in a warm quiet bedroom for 10 minutes! Odd! I don't know whether any or all of these little things are "signs" - I guess NONE of them could be, especially if I'm still here in a week's time, lol! I would like to think they are, and if I have a baby tomorrow then I'll be all, "Oh yes, I just knew it because of how quiet he was/alert and not hungry I was/all the CM, etc"! ;) But I just can't know for now. Only time will tell and all that.

My sparkly nail varnish arrived today! I cleaned off all the pink I had previously applied, and set about doing the whole thing afresh with MY preferred shade of pink, hehe! Finishing my toenails off this morning was SUCH a relief! Like, "Ahhhhh, NOW I can go into labour!" ;) Photographic evidence:

Benjamin doesn't like it. He was giving them a very serious stare after lunch and said, "Mummy, I don' like your 'parkly toad." I asked him why not, and he said, "Iss because it looks hobobble." Um, okay then! Not sure what to say to that, but at least he's being honest! ;) The other boys seem to like them though! :) Samuel has tried to lick my toenails several times, hehe! I think he wonders if they're edible! ;) *I'm* very pleased to have girly sparkly toes at last! It's so odd but I really really REALLY needed to have them that way. And they make me smile every time I see them! :) I love the thought of catching sight of them and smiling whilst holding this sweet wiggly little manny in my actual arms sometime soon! :)

I can't think of anything else to report. I have felt a bit light-headed and spacey at times today, especially this evening, but it has been a hot day and maybe I haven't had enough to drink. A couple of times in the day I did make myself sit down at the kitchen table and drink a LARGE glass of water before getting up again, so I think I am getting enough fluids. If not, Neil reminded me that it could be the reason for all the BHs this evening, so yeah. I will have some more water before bed, and hopefully not have to get up too many times in the night for a wee! ;)

I didn't do too well with the boys this afternoon. I phoned Neil around 4pm all tearful because I was absolutely 100% DONE with the children for the day, and couldn't think how on earth to press on for another nanosecond. They were tearing up the living room and leaping about screaming and generally not being at all safe around Samuel (who was joining in and loving it, but not all that safe nonetheless!), and I was feeling very down on myself for not being able to get them out in this gorgeous weather (again). I felt so tired and hormonal suddenly at that moment, and just wanted to go upstairs and close the bedroom door behind me and lie on my bed until Neil got home (3 hours later, so um, not happening!). I also had no idea what to give them for dinner. I wanted rescuing! But it couldn't happen, so it was a moment of upsetness in general. After I spoke/vented to Neil, I separated the boys a bit and had them tidy up the living room. I got cross with them at first though, ugh. Then with them separated, things got a lot more calm and I was able to pull myself together again. Oooh, strong Braxton Hicks! My whole bump has morphed into a weird shape, lol! :)

Neil told me to just give them beans on toast for dinner, so I did, with some cheese and salad, and they asked for fruit salad afterwards so I ended up making that too, and it was fine. A nice sense of accomplishment actually, after the afternoon I'd had! It felt nice to make something healthy for them to enjoy from scratch without it being a huge ordeal, like I'd DONE something for them, you know? I have been feeling like I'm not doing anything much for them lately. Just something little like that helped. After dinner I decided to give them all a bath. They don't have baths very often really, but when the weather warms up we do it more often. I remembered seeing in Heather's notes on Samuel's birth that we had bathed the boys the day before he was born, and I suddenly thought that would be a good thing to get "done" - it's easier with two parents, to bath five little boys, than when I am flaked out in bed recovering from giving birth and the boys NEED a bath and Neil has to do the lot of them by himself! Also I sort of had it in my mind to try and do all the things that could possibly make me feel like there was nothing left "undone" and maybe (yes, I know I'm grasping at straws!) that could pave the way to getting labour started or something?! So I started their bathtime and Neil got home from work as I was starting it, which was great timing to help! :)

So my nails are sparkly, the boys are freshly bathed and hair-washed, the bedroom is ready for a homebirth, my bag is packed, the baby clothes are all sweetly folded in the dresser drawers, my due date has officially come, I did some baking (but still haven't done fairy cakes or flapjacks, hmmm. The urge isn't really there the same now, though).... So SURELY that's it in terms of my hormonal need to have certain things ready/done this time around?! I really do not look forward to labour! I feel a sense of nervousness at the idea that it might be starting soon, a real butterflies in my tummy sort of feeling! I am NOT looking forward to the ordeal! But ohhhh the reward! I am trying to keep my eyes on the prize, because it's an amazing one, and I can't WAIT for that part! I hope it's soooooon, despite the not wanting it to be, because otherwise the time drags on and it becomes harder, and the waiting sucks, and I get more huge and uncomfy, etc. It has to happen anyway! I would prefer it to be SOONER now!

Tomorrow is by far my favourite day out of all the ones ahead, to have my little baby boy. It's Thursday 24th. A nice looking date for a birthday! Mandi is working tomorrow. It's as soon as soon can be. It's feasible with my history. He'd be in my arms in such a wonderfully short time from now! I wouldn't have the huge ordeal of waiting and waiting into next week and contemplating further appointments and a sweep and the general yuck/discomfort that comes from that procedure alone. The only downside at all is that Heather would probably prefer ANY date but that one, since it's her daughter's birthday. I feel so bad for thinking selfishly, knowing that, but OH HOW I WANT IT TO BE TOMORROW ANYWAY!!!! :/ I want tomorrow even more than I've wanted any of the previous days or today. If nothing happens tomorrow I think I will find it hard, even though that's kind of silly. Because Mandi will be off work until Monday, which feels like forever away. And I'll know I could be waiting ages, the beautiful weather will continue while I sit useless at home with the boys, and of course next week it looks set to break and get "unsettled" again, urgh. I kept looking out of the window today at the vibrant green trees and the blue blue sky and sunshine, and feeling the gorgeous warm breeze coming in, and the summery smell everywhere, and thinking what perfect weather this is to be born into! What a lovely day for a baby to be born, perfect weather in late May - how lovely! I wish I could have him on one of these gorgeous days, which look set to continue until Sunday, for now.

Well, I think I will go to bed now. It's getting late and I feel ever so tired now. Not many BHs going on, but I do feel very tight and sore in my lower back and a little bit the same under my bump low in the front as well right now. It's not to do with contractions, it's just constant, and much more bothersome when I stand up or walk about. Maybe I overdid it lifting a big basket of laundry to put away today? I wondered if I should have done that! But I think it's fairly new just recently, so maybe not. Anyway, I will go to bed, and hopefully - oh hopefully! - I will have some sign in the morning that mayyyybe labour isn't too far off. Neil says he is thinking of staying home in the morning (slightly naughtily) and taking the boys out to the park to let me rest and gather my head a bit, and then if nothing is happening in the afternoon to go into work for the rest of the day. I want even more to have a sign of some sort in the morning, so that he can at least honestly report to work that there's possibly something happening! But the thought of him being home in the morning and getting those precious boys out in the sunshine and air for a few hours is unbelievably blissful and relieving to me right now.

I will update tomorrow in any case, but probably earlier in the day if there's anything to report. Otherwise the usual evening bulletin! ;) Thanks for being along for the ride!

39 weeks, 6 days

Just thought I'd update to say what's going on right now, which is....

NADA.

Due date tomorrow! I can't believe I'm starting to feel impatient and that "I'm NEVER going to have this baby!" feeling already - I'm not even due until tomorrow and NONE of my babies have come naturally before my due date! Silly woman!

Everything is boringly quiet in the womb department today - not really that crampy or anything like I was yesterday, and NO mucus plug bits at all today, whereas I lost little bits all day long yesterday! Very tired today and just want to sleep, but my basic energy levels aren't bad. Have managed housework to some degree and been more in-the-moment with the boys today (less irritable I think) than yesterday. Also managed to be sane and responsible about dinner today too! ;)

Fed up that it's becoming hot and lovely weather - partly because it's getting too hot for comfort already and JUST as I'm about to have a baby! But mostly because it's gorgeous out and I simply CANNOT take the boys out - I'm just completely unable at this stage, and we have no useable garden, so we are literally stuck inside a tiny house with 5 little boys all day long, every day, in this gorgeous weather! :( I am so fed up and sad about it. We don't live within walking distance of anywhere - smelly main road with rubbish narrow pavements that I am not able to push the tandem pushchair on even - and I am physically unable now to lift little ones into high-up car seats in the van without injuring myself. Ugh. I WISH I would go into labour so that Neil stays home and can bless those little boys with hours upon hours outside in this lovely weather, every day, for as long as it lasts!

The one really good thing is that my set of pink nail varnish arrived today! :) The sparkly one hasn't yet, but I'm reeeally hoping it will tomorrow. I just will feel "ready" when my toenails are pink AND sparkly, for some crazy reason, lol! I already painted them pink today, under much scrutiny from the boys and unsolicited advice from Arthur! He didn't think the shade I chose showed up enough, and reckoned I should paint alternate toenails different shades, etc. He was quite bossy! I couldn't decide so have painted a darker shade first and then a more pearly pink one on top, but I'm not sure if I like it enough so may just take it off and do what *I* wanted to in the first place, while Arthur is in bed this time, hehe! Nathey loves my pink girly toenails, and keeps saying how pretty they are - he is the same when I wear dresses and skirts, and always tells me he likes me wearing those things (none of the others comment on what I wear, so it's unique to Nathan!).

Oh I had the most WONDERFUL news!! My brother phoned to see how I was doing, and to tell us that he and Sarah are expecting another baby!!!! They have Thea, who turned 5 last week, and Rasmus who is 2, and baby #3 is due in November! So very thrilled and excited for them, and somehow it's extra special to me that they are choosing to have more than the "average" number of kids - more than any of our own family members have ever had (allllll my family are either an only child, or one of two siblings, and think it's nuts to have more than 2). I'm pretty sure they have never had any plans to go beyond 3 children, and I know they've thought about a third baby since expecting the 2nd. I'm just so excited! That makes 9 grandchildren so far for my parents, who only had two children themselves! I think they are SO blessed to have such fruit, and they do love their grandchildren but I wish they were more exuberant and obviously grateful than they tend to be at the thought of a new one on the way. I really hope that Neil and I are blessed with literally dozens of grandchildren - that would be so incredible and lovely! Many large families who allow God to control their fertility/family size have children who grow up to live out the same in their families (not that I presume the boys WOULD, but some might...), and if so we could be blessed with ever so many grandchildren. I would want to be as involved as possible with my little grands! Such a lovely thought for the future... :)

But for now, the present! :) Hopefully I will have this sweet baby boy soon, but there's absolutely nothing to report for now. I'll update again tomorrow, probably! Thanks for the comments, it's always so much fun at the end with the suspense and excitement, and I'm grateful that there are some friends out there keeping me company in that! :)

39 weeks, 5 days

Almost at that magical date that the entire pregnancy has hinged upon! May 23rd 2012. Wednesday. The day after tomorrow. Regardless of when my little man actually turns up, I have officially ARRIVED at baby time! :) So exciting. And terrifying. And wonderous! All at once!

As usual I should be getting in bed instead of updating my blog, so I will TRY to be brief! ;)

Mandi, my favourite midwife, came round today. And Jackie (the head of community midwives) phoned me this morning to catch up on how everything is going - so nice! :) It's a couple of days early, but today was my due date antenatal appointment. I declined a sweep - don't want to mess with that unless I'm 41 weeks and having the threat of induction waved in my general direction. There's too much added risk with Group B Strep anyway, and thankfully Mandi was of the same mind about it.

Everything looks fine - my blood pressure was 116/68 and my urine was totally fine. Mandi could feel straight away that Elijah has grown when she felt him through my tummy. He's lying in the position he's always in - back along my left side, feet against my right side (LOA), and his head was 4/5 palpable still. He's in there, but still quite high. Benjamin was that high at least in early labour, and Mandi reminded me that he may not go down any further until some good contractions move him there during labour! She measured my bump as 37 weeks, but she's fine with that since I had a scan and it showed he is growing.

Mandi is working tomorrow (Tuesday), Thursday this week, and then not again until Monday. She's also doing Tuesday and Thursday next week. Gestationally for me those dates would be 39+6, 40+1 (Benjamin was born then), 40+5 (she's booked me in for my 41 week appointment that day if I haven't had the baby by then), 40+6 (which will be the day after a probable sweep, which has so far brought me a baby the next day the two other times I've had it done), and 41+1 (around Samuel and Matthew's gestational arrival). Mandi has delivered Samuel and Benjamin, and Heather and I are praying praying PRAYING that I will give birth on a day that she is working again! She only works three days a week (no nights), so it's not that likely, but then God answered these same prayers last time, even though she was barely working at all over the time I was due! :) I would LOVE to have her with me during labour and to deliver Elijah as well. I am not sure if I would otherwise get a midwife that I like and who would be as sensitive and understanding as Mandi, and definitely not one that I know so well, so I would reeeeally like it to be Mandi! Thursday this week isn't the best day for Heather because it's her daughter's 14th birthday. She and her daughter have agreed that she would come anyway if I went into labour that day, but it would just be nicer for her to be with her family rather than with me I think!

I am hoping (without a TON of confidence) not to be waiting until next week! 41 weeks pregnant is comparatively WAY less fun than 40 weeks pregnant, lol! I would rather give birth before that point this time! I have done so twice though - both starting with really obvious shows and labour right after. Arthur's was at 40+2 (though he didn't actually arrive until 2 days later), and Benjamin's the day after my due date. It occurred to me that Arthur and Benjamin are SO similar in personality (and a bunch of other things, including looks!), and Matthew and Samuel are my calmer, easy-going boys with a TON of similarities, who both kept me waiting until I'd had a sweep at 41 weeks! ;) I have no idea what Nathey would have done if my waters hadn't broken at 35 weeks. He's fairly easy going so maybe he would have waited longer, and I wonder if that's a reason why my assertive, more fretty children gave off their "please get me out of here" hormone which in turn triggered my body to begin labour (so clever how that works!) earlier than that laid-back pair who were happy staying put for as long as I'd let them! ;) With that in mind, Elijah seems to me to be a very laid-back baby (from what I can tell so far), and if my theory is right, wouldn't that make him the type to stay put until a sweep started things off at 41+ weeks?! I hope he'll come sooner though!!

The midwife asked if I had had any early signs yet. I have had a few little things here and there, but those could easily mean not-a-lot other than just the usual "gearing up" thing that can go on for about as long as a piece of string, if you know what I mean! Any day now.... or not! ;)

I have been very crampy today, low front and back. That's usual for me at 39 weeks, regardless of when the baby arrives, so I'm not putting much on that. I feel like I am very uncomfortably constipated alllll the time, which maybe I am to some degree, but I am suspicious that a bony little head pressed against my bowel is at least part of the reason for that feeling at this stage! I remember trying to go to the loo like 5 times during the morning on the day that Benjamin was born (after the show, but before contractions started). I just felt so backed-up and uncomfortable, but couldn't really do anything, and it was very distracting. I feel like that today, but again, it doesn't mean I'm ABOUT to go into labour, particularly.

I am also losing little bits of mucus plug today every time I go to the toilet. Sounds more exciting than it is - it's really just LITTLE bits, and that can be normal for ages before labour begins. If any of it was blood-stained, that would be a very different situation, but none of it is. I keep checking! :)

The other thing is that Elijah has been a bit quiet yesterday and today. Yesterday he was quite a bit less active than normal, although still moving the same number of "sessions" - just the odd kick here and there for them though, and I just got a feeling of him being the opposite of active in there, in general. This morning when I woke up, he wasn't wiggling about (not that he always is) and I suddenly got really nervous because although I knew he was moving before I went to sleep, I was nervous about the quietness in there. I got my doppler out at 6.45am and listened in. It took forever to get the wonky battery thingy working (it's a bit broken but still works eventually!) and in that time I got REALLY anxious about him, having felt his position which usually gets him wiggly, but he was totally not moving. Thankfully the thing started working and I heard his happy little heartbeat. He started to move a bit as well while I was listening, and it was encouraging to hear accelerations in his heart rate as he moved and stuff. I listened in for a good 5 minutes or so, and then put the doppler away and tried to get a bit more sleep (didn't succeed unfortunately!). But I was glad that he was okay. I spoke to Heather on the phone during the morning before the midwife came, about various things, but I mentioned his activity levels, and she said I could mention it to the midwife if I was concerned, but it sounded like he was moving plenty, just more "quietly" than before. In her experience that sounded like a pre-labour sign, and I remembered the same thing had happened with Benjamin. He was so quiet the day or two before he was born. I even wrote here that I went to bed on my due date and lay awake anxious about his quietness (though he was still moving, like Elijah is now, just not as vigorously or often), and said to God aloud, "Lord, I'm nervous about Benjamin's lack of movement..." or something like that, and INSTANTLY he began wiggling about really vigorously and kept it up for a while! It was such a relief! He was born the next day :)

I did tell Mandi about it, and she said that as long as he's having 10 sessions of movement per day and keeping to his norms in that way (he has had 8 sessions so far today, some quite wiggly, others just a few quieter movements - he usually has exactly 10 by the time I get in bed, so I think he's pretty much on track still), I do not need to worry about it, but if I'm not sure, or if it makes me anxious and I want reassurance, I can call them and have him checked at Day Assessment. So that's good to know. She also said exactly what Heather said, that in her experience he's probably gearing up for labour and birth pretty soon, if he's having a quiet couple of days - the calm before the storm, she described it as! ;)

So all those little signs together ARE rather exciting, but with my history of having little exciting signs here and there and then STILL waiting at 41 weeks, I don't want to let myself think about it too much and start wondering if it might be very soon. Because then if/when it doesn't happen for ages yet, I will become super-duperly frustrated and fed-up! ;) That part in itself is no fun, so I would rather stay as carefree about it as possible for as long as I can manage to!

Today is Monday and Neil is back to work after the weekend. Yesterday I had the craziest thing happen. It was like a food craving. I HAD to paint my toenails. I don't think I've ever felt that before, or at least not in recent pregnancies and not that I can remember anyway. But I HAD to paint my toenails, and what's more I had to paint them pink and sparkly - very girly! ;) But I don't have any nail polish!! I never really do that kind of thing so I don't have any. I did once have sparkly nail polish, and it might even be in the loft, but it has probably been nearly 10 years since I painted my toenails and even if I could find the stuff (which, trust me, is an impossibility in our horribly cluttered loft!) it would probably be all congealed or dried up by now. Anyway, this weird craving-type-thing was all-consuming! So strange for me! When I wrote about it at Facebook, quite a few people commented that they painted their toenails (or had the urge to) right before labour started, which I hadn't even considered until I saw all their comments, and I found it very interesting! Time will tell whether that's why I'm desperate to paint my toenails, I guess!

In the absence of nail polish, I shaved my legs and clipped my nails (not awfully easy when this pregnant, but I managed!), and moisturised my legs and feet. I never do this! I mean, obviously I cut my toenails, lol! But I shave my legs pretty rarely, unless it's summer (which it hasn't been at all yet, but that looks set to change this week, urrrgh - overly warm weather just in time for me to give birth, boo! I would much have preferred to be giving birth in the cool fresh rainy weather we've had for aaaages!), and NEVER moisturise. But even so, the urge to have girly sparkly toenails continued, and in the end I went on Amazon late last night and used some birthday money to order a set of various pink nail polishes, and a separate sparkly one. I put them on express delivery, haha! They've been dispatched today, and I'm absolutely LONGING for them to arrive tomorrow - that would be the soonest they could possibly arrive. The pink set might arrive first, because the feedback is great for fast delivery for that seller, but less so for the sparkly nail polish seller. If so, I will paint my toenails pink when the pink stuff arrives, and just add a sparkly layer over the top when it gets here! :) It's such a crazy feeling - I honestly feel like I CANNOT go into labour until I have pink sparkly toes. Seriously. I also need to bake a few things before I can start producing oxytocin, haha! Noteably (sp?!) chocolate refridgerator cake (made this morning!), double batch of flapjacks (less than a double batch is a pointless task in our household of flapjack-loving boys, and even that disappears in a day or two), and a batch of iced fairy cakes. I made lemon fairy cakes (these are basically cupcakes, in case anyone is wondering, but smaller and without a ton of buttercream on the top - just glace (water) icing instead) with the boys last week and then went in a flash, so I need to make more! Maybe plain instead of lemon this time, although the lemon was lovely! Anyway, I digress! And I'm supposed to be going to bed!!! Baking is usually a good pre-labour sign for me too, although I have been having bouts of that for months now, so who knows.

Well, I had better go to bed. I am still not sleeping great, but my best success at the moment is to get up and spend 5 minutes stretching out my various leg muscles - feels like it takes AGES in the dark bedroom, but it's worth it. I usually fall asleep within 30 minutes of doing that, whereas I might have already been awake for hours, so it's a big improvement. I am going to try it before I even get in bed tonight, as I'm really really really tired out and can't run the risk of a few hours of sleep after not being able to get to sleep for a while. I have had more energy today to do housework and such, than I have for a while. I have cleaned a bit in the bathroom today, and done various post-weekend catch-up chores in the kitchen, re. laundry and the floor, but my lower back aches for it, I think, tonight. I can focus (and WANT to focus) on housework really well, but I can't seem to focus on the boys much at all. I have little patience and their noise is unbearably distracting. I am finding it makes me feel fidgetty and irritable to sit with them and play and snuggle and stuff - which is sad! :( I do it anyway, but I am much more "sane" busying about the house doing nesty stuff. I guess it's hormonal and normal, but I don't like the feeling of finding my children's company irritating! I also can't for the LIFE of me get my head round simple stuff like meal preparation, or responding to "Mummy, I'm bored!" like I normally can. I just have fluff for brains, and the more I sit and squeeze them, the more ridiculously absent any useful thought is, and I actually start feeling panicky and tearful about it after a while. It sounds daft but I could. not. manage. to put dinner on the table tonight. I just couldn't think of anything, even though there's food in the cupboards and I could see it there. I just couldn't think what to make, or who would actually eat it, or anything. I tried sitting and concentrating on it, and pulling myself together for an HOUR, but was constantly interrupted by kids arguing, or having done a poo, or getting stuck and screaming, or "He took my toy!" or "He hit me on purpose!! Yes you did!! Yes you DID!!! YES YOU DIIIIIID!!!! (thwack)" I about wanted to scream, and I couldn't get anywhere on the food front!! I felt upset that Neil would be coming home AGAIN at a time when I should have the boys ready to go to bed, not running riot around the house, unfed and totally nowhere near ready for bed, at the end of a hard day's work! :S

So, Neil came home just as I was serving cereal and toast for dinner. *sigh* And the boys went to bed soooo late. I hope I can sort it out tomorrow. It's getting really hard to manage the days, even if I have energy and "know" what I need to do - I can't seem to actually DO it by the end of the day. By halfway through the day even if it's a GOOD day, I really feel quite desperate to have a break, to be able to get away upstairs and rest or focus on what every fibre of my being is wanting to do - the arrival of my baby and the psychological and practical preparations. I can't seem to be in the moment any longer with the usual daily stuff and the children. I wish someone could help me with the boys so I could take those apparently necessary breaks at this pre-labour stage of pregnancy. I have no choice so I DO it all the same, but I'm struggling a bit. That's a MAJOR reason for me, not to want to wait the whole of this week before giving birth (or worse, into next week!). I know that it gets more difficult day by day as 41 weeks arrives, and I am already finding it difficult. I think I just need to have a baby now. I am nervous about the scale of the event, when it happens! But I really just want to have it behind me now, the hormones and hugeness, and my sweet baby in my arms, resting up and recovering for a couple of weeks. I'm so looking forward to that part! :)

I will update again soon!

Back from the growth scan...

Just a quick update on my earlier post now that I've had my scan! :)

Elijah is fine!!! Soooo happy and relieved and thankful! He's a smaller than average baby, that is all. His umbilical doppler was fine, and his amniotic fluid levels are great. It took a while to find the biggest pocket of fluid to measure, because my whole uterus is just full of baby, lol! Everywhere they put the wand thingy (or whatever it's called!), on the sides of my bump, top, middle, as low as they could go at the front, etc. - there were baby parts squashed up everywhere, hehe! I didn't get to see his face because it's down in my pelvis. Even his sweet (straight-looking, yay!) little feet were sort of mashed up together. He was fairly wiggly during the scan but seemed quite calm and happy. I got a flash of a definite scrotum again, lol!

I just sort of held my breath while they did the measurements, and squinted at the screen to see if I could make out the tiny numbers giving an estimation in terms of gestational size. I caught one of them at less than 36 weeks so was a bit worried, but then another couple of measurements were almost 38 weeks, so that was reassuring. I just had to wait until the scan was finished before I could find out how he was doing, but I WAS encouraged that there had obviously been some growth.

The sonographer put the details in the computer while I lay on my side and waited a bit nervous - Heather was sitting in the chair next to me. The computer seems to take forever to compare with the previous scans, but it probably isn't really very long at all! Then he said that the baby has grown and he has no concerns! Such a relief to hear! I started asking questions after he said that, and he was so nice and answered them all. He said that Elijah was at the 12th percentile, whereas 2 scans ago he had been at the 16th, and then the last scan he was at the 9th - hence their concern that his weight gain was dropping off. Thankfully it does appear to have just been a blip as Jackie had been so reassuring about, and he is keeping to a curve more-or-less. His growth velocity has increased since the last scan, so they are happy that he is a healthy normal baby with no increased risk factors at all. Phhhheeeeeewwwwwww!!! Seriously, soooo relieved.

Elijah's estimated weight at 39 weeks and 1 day is 6lbs 4oz - sooooo teeny tiny!!! I know people have smaller babies at later gestations, but for me this is such a weeny teeny little baby! :) The estimation is very approximate and carries a 10% margin of error or something like that - in fact Heather told me that once she attended a growth scan with a client and her baby had exactly the same estimated weight as Elijah, and was born a few days later weighing 8lbs 8oz, lol! So you never know! I DO know he will be littler than my others, even if they are off with his weight, because of his measurements. His biggest measurement was his bi-parietal something or other - some sort of head measurement (not the head circumference) which was 37.5 weeks, so still small for dates for my babies. His abdominal circumference and head circumference were 36.5/37 weeks, and his dear little femur (so sweet to see his little leggie bone!) was only 35w6d! He's going to have short leggies like Arthur, Benjamin, and me (and my daddy!), but even knowing the extra shortness is related to his build, it's still on the small side even so - over 3 weeks behind dates! So he will be a little baby, for me, unless he grows tons and stays in for a couple more weeks yet while he does so. Matthew was 7lbs 11oz at 41 weeks, so I would not expect him to be heavier than that even if he goes to 41 weeks. I'm quite excited at the prospect of having a little baby! I have had two whoppers the last couple of times, hehe! Well, not WHOPPERS, but big enough for my little frame!

The consultant appointment afterwards went fine. Midwife who I had never met asked me casually if it was my first baby - this is the usual thing - and I said, "My sixth." and she said, "First?" and I said, "No, sixth." and she said, "What?" etc, hehe! Happens every time now. I had to hold up six fingers before she got it - she said she couldn't believe I was old enough to have had six children, and when I told her I was 36 she got all high pitched and said she would have said I was 19!!!!! Um, no. I do NOT look 19!! But how nice all the same! ;)

My blood pressure was 120/60, absolutely nothing in my urine (yay!), and the consultant was happy. It was SO nice to leave with him saying, "Good luck. I really hope it all goes well for you!" and know that's the end of scans and consultants, and hospitals at all, if all continues to go well and my waters don't break before labour. I can still have a homebirth if they do, but I am careful about that, and will take it as it comes, depending on when they break, due to the GBS thing. Hopefully they'll break as the head is crowning like usual! :)

I'm just so relieved - I can physically feel the difference in my breathing and my muscle tone in my chest and shoulders and arms. I'm so glad and thankful to now be allowed to just wait to go into labour, which shouldn't be long now given how pregnant I am! :) And then just have a baby! Yay!

I can't wait to meet this sweet baby boy, and have him in my arms at last. I am absolutely itching to know what he actually DOES weigh when he's born, with all these estimations and all this focus on his size and weight! It will be so interesting to find out his actual birth stats at the time. I can't wait to kiss his little cheeks and breastfeed him and just love him and snuggle him. Of course there's BIRTH to get through first, but if I keep my eyes on the prize and draw my strength from God, I think it will all be okay.

39 weeks, 1 day - scan day!

Well, I haven't updated for a few days, but I wanted to before my growth scan, and since that's only 90 minutes away this is pretty much my last chance! ;) Neil took a half day holiday this afternoon to cover the appointment, but it's not until 4.30pm so I am just about to get ready and go and pick up Heather on the way there. Neil took the boys out to the park, as they've been climbing the walls lately!

I have tons to write about but not much time to update, so I'll just get done what I can for now, and then hopefully find chance to update later or tomorrow maybe.

I got a comment on my last entry from somebody called Lexy, who I don't know, which I wanted to address somewhat. She wrote:

"You don't know me and I don't know you but I have been following your blog since you were pregnant. I have gone back and forth about commenting as it is none of my business but I feel the need to do so as I would not forgive myself if I did not.

The reason they are having you count movement right now is because they are very concerned about the placenta/lack of growth. Your Son is PERFECTLY OK but I would not wait any longer....I know you won't like this suggestion but I would ask for a C-Section ASAP. Trust me...it is better to be safe than sorry and if your movement counts stop then what? That's right....it is too late. Throw out the birth plan and ask for that baby to come out NOW.

I sincerley HOPE I am off base and all wrong but I know too many people that were never told.

Good Luck...I mean that. As you have said the birth plan is not about you it is about yout baby. A C-Section is not the end of the world in the BIG PICTURE here. I can only pray the Dr suggests it because any Dr worth his MD would."

I *think* I can just about see the well-meaning in this message, but I am thinking I might just be being generous in my assumptions. I just wanted to make it clear (in case I hadn't already), that I do know perfectly well why they want me to count Elijah's movements - I am not daft! ;) I think it does seem like Lexy means to help by letting me know the risks, but then on the other hand, since she knows I already know everything she's written already, and that it's stressful to have it reiterated especially at this late and hormonal stage of pregnancy AND with the fact that there are still unknowns ahead of me with this baby boy, AND the way it was worded wasn't exactly sensitive.... I am not really sure that it was meant kindly after all.

I thought I had been really clear that I know about the reasons and risks and so on, in my posts so far, but maybe not...

I am glad that as far as I know, none of the excellent consultant obstetricians at the hospital would jump the gun to the point of suggesting a c-section based on what we know so far - a healthy, active baby who is a little small for dates, with great umbilical blood flow and a healthy amniotic fluid level. Birth is a natural and safe process. RARELY, things can go wrong. Much more so if you fiddle with the natural process in any way earlier on. Then it's much more likely that intervention is needed and it's less of a natural and safe process. C-section is risky in many ways, major surgery for one, and NOT a natural end of pregnancy. Not that I'm not thankful that the option is there if necessary - it is an emergency method of saving a baby's life (or in some cases, the mother's), but that's the point, c-section should be an emergency, not the crazy ridiculous 1 in 3 stats that I keep seeing in the US (not sure of the accuracy of 1 in 3 now, but it's still CRAZY high). No way are all those c-sections necessary. Doctors suggest them for all manner of things, some necessary, most NOT necessary. Natural birth, if it can be done, is the safest option for mother and baby. And that is what I want for Elijah and me.

There is no way I'm asking for a c-section RIGHT NOW!! My goodness, that's nuts! There is no indication that one is necessary, and scare tactics in my comments are not something I appreciate! "Scare tactics" is probably too strong a phrase but I can't think of one that's nearer to what I mean unfortunately, so I used that one anyway.

 The doctors and midwives are ALL happy with me counting his movements - in fact I am no longer counting, just being aware of what's normal for him and what's not, as that's what they have now told me to do. They are NOT "very concerned about the placenta/lack of growth"! Nor have they ever been VERY concerned. They didn't even mention the placenta at all, not even the doctor. It's only that I pressed the head of community midwives to ask her what could possibly cause slowing growth. She insisted it was likely just a "blip" and he would catch up, but then when I asked again she told me that sometimes the placenta gets tired earlier than usual. She made a REALLY low deal of it, and told me I didn't need to worry about it at all. I am pretty sure I had already said as much in my last couple of posts, and I was more anxious than she said I needed to be. But anyway. Comments like this really do not help! Anyway, they are ALL happy with me counting his movements, or now just being aware of his norms, and if that changes then to go to Day Assessment and have the monitors on him for a 15 minute trace. There is no expectation from anyone that he would suddenly come to major harm, as there's nothing anyone can see to cause that! Only that if HE gets more tired (if it is the placenta), he would gradually move less, and that's a sign for me to have him checked out, not start freaking out and begging for a c-section! If a c-section was indicated, I would have a c-section.

I don't like the implication that I am being selfish ("the birth plan is not about you it is about your baby... Throw out that birth plan and ask for that baby to come out NOW."). I am not. The birth plan is flexible. Depending on the outcome today I may need a whole new one by the end of the day, and that is okay. Until then, the best plan for MY BABY as well as me (the mother's needs ARE important when it comes to birth) is that he be born as naturally as possible, ideally at home, with as little risk of intervention as possible. That's actually the safest plan for any baby (speaking of the natural more than pointing at homebirth, just to clarify), except when there's a diagnosed issue that needs special treatment. I don't have such a diagnosis at the moment.

*sigh*

Anyway, to further make my point, moving on to my newsy stuff over the last few days :)

Elijah has grown!!! I am pretty sure he has. I had a typical (for me) growth-spurt type of period for 3 days straight, eating with a crazy appetite and craving carbs and protein. I ate and ate as much as my body asked me to, knowing what was going on. I did notice that he hadn't had a growth spurt like that in a couple of months - interesting... Anyway, after the 3 days, I felt yucky for a couple of days like I always do after a genuine baby growth spurt, so I was very encouraged!

I measured my bump again since my last entry, and got 37cm!!! That's 37 weeks - almost 3 weeks growth within ONE week! Of course I can't tell how much Elijah himself has grown, and I am just having to wait with baited breath for the scan to confirm it (I hope it does!), but he must have grown, surely?! A different midwife came round on Tuesday this week for my 39 week appointment (38w6d) and she was happy with everything, pretty much. She knows I'm having a growth scan this week so didn't really talk about aspects such as his size, etc. She measured my bump as 36cm but I KNOW she did not measure accurately. Measurement is taken from the pubic bone, and she was pressing around to find it for ages (currently not as easy as it ought to be through clothing, as Elijah's head is pretty well down now and is the most obvious hard lump near my pubic bone, but a bit above it!) and finally started the tape measure from a good cm above my actual pubic bone. I felt too awkward to say, "Um, that's not my pubic bone..." so I stayed quiet, but I knew she would get a measurement less than I'd had. Mandi always measures from right on my pubic bone, and last time she cheated a tad by measuring from a fraction below. So I do know. All the same the inaccurate measurement of 36cm is still up a cm from the previous week! :) I have measured at different times of day, or when Elijah is in different positions, just in case I have somehow caught my uterus at a "large" moment, lol! But it's always 37 or more. This morning I measured almost 38cm, and 37.5 the time before that a couple of days ago (the same day the midwife came). That would put me at only just over a week behind (if that) which is PERFECTLY normal. I read my old diary entries and Matthew consistently measured 1 week behind for all my late pregnancy antenatal checks - not because he was engaged either. He was my lightest full-term baby at 7lbs 11oz, so hopefully it's just that Elijah is built like Matthew :)

Anyway, I am really hopeful for GOOD news at the scan today! The other great thing is that he is really active little beep, and moves about a lot. He stretches his legs and hiccups and squirms his shoulders and kicks about in there. He has at least 10 sessions of active movement every day, and some of those sessions have dozens and dozens of individual movements. He was less active in the two days after the growth spurt, which is normal for all of my babies at that time, but because of the recent stuff I was still nervous! He still moved enough for them not to be concerned at all though, and I didn't need to go and be monitored. He has picked back up to normal now that I am feeling better too, after the post-growth-spurt sluggishness! ;)

I have listened with my doppler a couple of times when he hasn't moved for a few hours straight. Mainly just because, like I said, recent stuff has got me a bit paranoid. He has always had a great heartrate, and healthy accelerations and so on, and so I've been reassured just in time for him to start a big old kick-fest in there after what must have been a long nap! ;) When the midwife has listened in, she said he was a very happy baby in there :)

I had a trace of protein in my urine, but nothing else untoward. My bp was 120/68 so that's fine, and I have a LOT of cm now so it's hard not to get a clean urine sample (which can show up as leukocytes or protein, or both). My iron levels came back good.

Nothing much else to report other than a noticable increase in BH contractions, and a definite change in their intensity. My bump gets quite rock hard with some of them, and they occur all day now (usually it's more so in the evening, and before recently it was only in the evenings that I really noticed them). Two mornings ago I got up and was sitting on the sofa with my little two, breastfeeding (that's usually the first thing they want to do for a short while), and I had two quite hard contractions in a row which were the first painful contractions this pregnancy - pretty mild though, nothing to get too excited about! And that was it, just the two! ;)

Yesterday for the first time I started to feel periody/crampy on and off, and have done a bit today. Again I went back and read my old diary entries and found that actually that is normal for me at 39 weeks, no matter whether I go on to give birth a week later or TWO weeks later. I just start the crampy business around the 39 week mark. I guess time will tell again!

I have been REALLY anxious about birth these past few days, and need/want to write more about that - it's just normal almost-there anxiety though - but have no time now. I need to get going to the scan. I am much less anxious about it today :) Hormones don't help sometimes!

I will update soon with the news on how this afternoon goes. Hoping everything is fine, but prepared if it's not. Thanks for praying for my little manny!