37 weeks - growth scan

Well, I've arrived at FULL TERM!!! Hooray! :)

I have also been for my growth scan this afternoon. I'm way too tired now to do a post about it any justice, and I did want to write as much detail as I could, but... so tired out and kind of woozy with it. So I'll write what I can, because I want to update the same day as the scan in case anyone is wondering what happened.

Elijah is measuring a little small. He has grown since the last growth scan two weeks ago, but his rate of growth has slowed down since then. He measured 34.5 weeks (which I am sure he measured last time?!!) and one of his measurements (his head I think) was 35 weeks or 35 weeks and a couple of days - something like that. The sonographer was great and re-checked his abdominal measurement (34w3d) like a dozen times, repositioning, different colour imaging, everything. Once he ascertained that Elijah was definitely smaller than he "should" be, he went to the next stage which was to doppler his umbilical cord to check whether his blood flow was restricted in any way. I asked lots of questions because he was so chatty and informative, and easy-going, and I felt able to just ask away. He answered everything really honestly, and I so appreciated that. He said that Elijah's blood flow is healthy and normal. He was looking for the level of resistance in the umbilical cord (it should be LOW resistance for the blood to be flowing through it well - high resistance means it's like a garden hose that's being stepped on or something!), and Elijah has a nice low resistance in his cord, which was a big relief to hear. He isn't restricted in terms of the nutrients and oxygen he's getting from me, so that's not the reason he's smaller than expected.

The good news is that he has grown since the last scan, but the bad news is that he has slowed down. The sonographer put his new measurements into the computer and compared them with the last scan, and he was apparently at the 16th percentile last time (I didn't know that! I thought he was just under the 50th or something), and this time he's at the 9th. His estimated weight by measurements is 5lbs 6oz today. I know that might be off by a bit, but awww, how TEENY! Nathey was born 8 days ago at this gestation and he was going on 6lbs. If Elijah DOES weigh that much, and he keeps his growth curve, he'll barely be 7lbs at his due date, which is totally not the norm for my babies - but still healthy and normal. If his curve keeps dropping then obviously he's going to be a real littley.

Because the scan wasn't "normal", I had to wait afterwards to go to the Day Assessment Unit. They wanted to hook me up to the monitors for a 15-minute trace, so reclining doing that gave me chance to calm down a bit. I HATED being on my own, more than I expected I would! I usually just get on with these things! Maybe it's the hormonal aspect this time? I don't know. When I arrived, I had walked from where I parked the car (about 5 mins) at a careful pace, because I feel very huge and uncomfy walking now and have to go slowly anyway. I still felt oddly breathless when I arrived in the waiting area for the scan, and once I'd checked in and sat there waiting, I had to work pretty hard to suppress a panic attack - something I haven't had in a very long time. I hope it was that! I am pretty sure it was though. I just felt like I couldn't catch my breath and was scared about it, and then I found it even harder to breathe than before, and the more scared I felt, the worse it got! Thankfully it was a pretty empty waiting area (which helped me feel less panicky) and I figured it was panic and not actual breathing trouble, so kept that thought in my head and worked on breathing normally and trying to calm down. I wasn't quite there by the time I was called in for the scan, but it was okay. I was just so nervous, and I knew it wasn't like anything would be DREADFULLY wrong, but I just felt anxious and couldn't seem to talk myself out of it. The first chance I got to really relax better was while I was being monitored (they left me alone for that). The first 10 minutes I was having trouble with anxiety but after that it got better. Hearing Elijah's heartbeat constantly was partly reassuring and partly an extra anxiety focus, and I just felt tearful after a while and wanted to go home, or to have someone sitting in the curtained bay with me to keep me company.

He was wiggly and active during the trace recording which was good, and also while I was waiting for the scan. They were pleased with his heart rate and his responses to activity on the trace. I had to wait after that for a doctor to come and review me. A registrar came and said she was not concerned as such, but that they would like me to come back in 2 weeks at 39 weeks if I haven't delivered by then (me, deliver before my due date? I don't think so!), and have another growth scan to check on Elijah's rate of growth. So I am going back for another scan on Thursday 17th, at 4.30pm again. After the scan I have to see my consultant, which I feel a bit funny about now because I had the head of community midwives cancel my 36 week appointment with him, because I didn't want to see him again to hear him discourage me about having a homebirth! :S I hope it won't be awkward to see him! I still want a homebirth. But obviously I want what's best for Elijah. If he's healthy and small, but within normal range for a term baby, then I want a homebirth. If at the next scan they think something is up because his growth is slowing down more, then I guess they might discuss induction with me or something? I don't know. I don't really want to cross that bridge until I come to it, in my head. So I won't for now. Or at least, I'll try not to.

When I got home I phoned Heather - she said I should phone her on her doula mobile, even though she's busy at this event that meant that she couldn't come with me. She was so sorry she hadn't been able to come with me. I sooooo hope she will be able to come with me for the next scan and consultant appointment - in fact I am not sure what I will do if she can't :( Today felt upsetting and stressful on my own, and it will be more so next time with the consultant on top of the scan, especially if things aren't going as well as hoped for. I will have to wait to call Heather tomorrow when she's at home, so that she can check to see if she's available. By 39 weeks, she will be officially "on call" for me (from 38 weeks to 42 weeks) so I hope that means she is more likely to be able to come with me.

I had to wait quite a while there, long after the receptionists went home and closed up, and I was the only person left being seen on that floor. I got home as Neil was getting the boys ready for bed, and so went straight into the bedtime routine with them. Random note: It's pretty sore to breastfeed at the moment. Hormone changes, I think. But yeah, of note.

I don't feel very comfortable in myself, physically today. I feel sort of tight in the diaphragm area, which is what added to that panicky feeling earlier at the hospital. I don't know if that's just normal "I'm huge and pregnant right up to my lungs" stuff, or if it's not okay. This evening I am having a TON of weird heartbeats, which I randomly seem to get from time to time (not necessarily when pregnant), and even had a 24-hour ECG (which I never heard back about, now I think of it! But which I think failed because the electrodes wouldn't stay on) last year at one point, maybe right at the beginning of this pregnancy? It was booked before I got pregnant though. Anyway, I haven't really had any bother to speak of from those heart rhythms since then, but tonight I am having a ton of them. My heart feels fluttery and thumpy and keeps missing beats, and although I have had this a lot before and have heard from absolutely countless people how they have the same (especially during pregnancy) and were investigated and found to be fine, it is still FREAKING ME OUT tonight. :S

I am tired out of my brains, so maybe that's part of it. I feel exhausted in every possible way, physically, emotionally, etc. Usually I am just physically tired out, but it's just everything tonight. I didn't sleep well at all last night, yet again. I am still really struggling with insomnia, although I had a brief respite for a few nights, it seems to be getting back to how bad it was before. Last night I went to bed early-ish for me, and still couldn't sleep until 3am or something like that. My legs got unbelievably restless and I had to get up and do stretches until they hurt to get some relief - that's the 4th night running I have ended up having to do that now. Also I seemed to have to go for a wee 5 times in the night! ;) I guess I'm getting to that stage of pregnancy! They did test my urine today and it was perfectly normal, so that's good. Oh and the first thing the sonographer said when he started the scan was, "Baby's head is really deep in your pelvis" - and it was! So much so that I never got even the slightest glimpse of his face. So he was "up" yesterday, and has moved down today. He does yo-yo like that, and could be up again by now I guess, so I'll just keep an eye on that so I'm aware of what he's doing in case my waters break. I did see his lil bit though - he's still a boy! :)

I do love this baby boy so very much! And on that note, I am going to bed to try to relax myself over my heart doing things I don't like, and get some sleep (I hope!). I just wish everything wasn't so ruffled and stressy at this moment, but I'm glad they are being thorough and looking after my tiny manny well.