With Nathan, he was already 2 days old by now. Today, the boys all gathered round the computer while we looked through the folder of photos from Nathan's first week after he arrived. In one or two of the photos at the hospital, Nathan was wearing a little sleepsuit with blue and white dogs on it, and for the past couple of years, the boys have had that sleepsuit in the toy basket because it perfectly fits the bigger of the two dolls in there. We had the sleepsuit next to the computer while we looked at the pictures, just to give them a bit of perspective. They couldn't believe how tiny Nathey was when he was born, and to hold up the sleepsuit made it even more unbelievable to them, that he ever fit in it! It was nice to be able to show them something tangible to help them visualise how big and developed Elijah is right now. They only see a smooth round tummy and can't really picture a baby inside. Sometimes that's how *I* feel as well! ;) This photo of Nathan reeeeally brings it home to me though - taken at what would have been 36 weeks and 1 day (today):
He was 5lbs 13oz at birth, and from the growth scan and Elijah's percentile measurements last week, I would guess that Elijah is probably more like half a pound lighter than Nathan was, at this stage anyway. But wow. How's that for a reality check?! ;) An exciting and lovely one too!
I have yet to take a belly picture for 36 weeks, but here's my 36 week belly picture for Nathan's pregnancy (tomorrow's gestation):
Amaaaaazing. I'm really really really going to have a baby!!!! I have been looking back over Nathan's baby photos - ones I haven't seen for ages, of his early weeks. Just random ones are my favourites, of things like him on my chest with an absolutely trashed living room in the background. Or breastfeeding. Ohhh there's one of me holding him sitting upright on my lap (taken by me with my free hand from behind him), with his little chin supported by my hand with a terry towel over it. I was burping him after a feed. There's something about the soft newborn hair on the back of his head, and the tiny-ness and just the tender moment of burping such a dependent little baby... It was taken when he was 5 weeks old, I think, so around when he was due, and probably weighing about 8.5lbs by then, or so. Oh my heart melted when I saw that picture, and without even thinking about it I began to just praise God with basically ALL my inmost being, for blessing me AGAIN - I get to do this AGAIN! I can't believe it, I am just speechless with joy and awe that I am allowed to look forward to being mummy to a tiny newborn baby again soon, and have all this precious wonderful stuff to do again - the breastfeeding, the snuggles on my chest, the feeling of a tiny back under my hand as I burp him.... I just. can't. waaaaaiiiit!! I feel so excited, like the best Christmas and birthday rolled into one is coming! :D How I wish I didn't have to stop having babies.
Well, with the end of the pregnancy drawing near, I am beginning to find that I'm slowing down a bit. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Things that are run-of-the-mill and usually happen everyday without enormous stress, are this week totally overwhelming to me. Bickering little ones, climbing toddlers, complaining children, wees over the back of the toilet seat, broken items that should never have been found and played with, etc, etc - the usual stuff that is part of a normal mother-of-many's daily life. These things are not usually overwhelming at all any more, and I am certainly used to them, but the slightest one of these things just about does me in right now - well, today and yesterday for sure. I am VERY tired, having been struggling greatly with insomnia for a while. But it does feel like a deeper "issue" than just tiredness, however great the tiredness might be. It feels like something else alongside it. I am thinking it's "just hormones" - the ones that are getting to overdrive by the end of pregnancy, along with the accumulation of physical stuff that is inevitable by the last month of pregnancy!
I am in relatively little pain and discomfort from my back which is great! Still hardly ANY pubic bone pain this pregnancy to speak of, which amazes me considering how bad that was in my first two pregnancies! I'm so thankful. One night this week I went to bed with the boys - got into my pyjamas and brushed my teeth when the boys did the same. It was so weird doing that! I'm such a night owl in any case, so it was odd! I was just SO tired out, and still was unable to sleep until after 4.30am the night before, and yet seemed to feel like I'd taken a sleeping pill for all the daylight hours that exist. I have to really fight dropping off to sleep during the day, and then can't sleep at all at night, even when I'm exhausted. I felt quite sick with exhaustion that night that I was unable to sleep until so late, it was just so daft and I became upset and tearful about it for a good while in the small hours of the morning. So frustrating! So I went to bed right after putting the boys to bed. I probably got into bed (while it was still just about light!) at 8.30pm ish, and then was so pleased to fall asleep maybe half an hour later! I woke at 11.45pm and then Samuel was a bit wakeful for maybe 30 minutes, and I was feeling wide awake and worried that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again until many hours later, but I DID sleep after he settled, and woke again about 3.15am, settled Samuel (quickly) and slept again until 5 or 6. I was a bit wakeful after that but I was so relieved to have been in bed all those hours and got maybe 9-10 hours of sleep, albeit with some wakings. I felt so much better for it when I got up, and part of that was just the mental relief over the stress of not being ABLE to sleep. I finally proved that I could, and that was a relief in itself.
I haven't had another early night like that since, but the last two nights I have fallen asleep within about 30 minutes of going to bed, and slept pretty well with whatever wakings Samuel has had, thrown in there. So, more back to normal, which is lovely! I still feel so tired! I feel physically under "duress", shall we say (!!), just moving about. Getting up and down from sitting or lying down, I just feel so heavy and like moving is hard work in my pelvis. Straightening up and bending even, feels awkward and uncomfortable in my pelvis. I am getting more ligament pains this week in my sides, and they are lasting quite a long time sometimes. There just feels like a lot of weight pulling on my bump now, and into my pelvis, and it's not awfully comfortable.
Elijah is wiggly and squirmy, and occasionally gives me a hefty kick (not sure how he has the room to pull back and deliver one of those in there!) which takes my breath away. He is so much stronger now! I love to feel his sweet little feet sweeping across my tummy from the middle above my tummy button, over to my right side. His back is almost always against my left side, so his feet push about in the middle or to my right side. He still gets a lot of hiccups, several bouts a day usually, though it's definitely coming down from the last few weeks where he would typically get 6 bouts a day. Such a good boy getting his little lungs ready by practising using his breathing muscles! :) When he gets hiccups, I rub my bump and pat it gently, and tell him what a good boy he is and use his name a lot when I talk to him. I find that I automatically call him 'Lijah a lot, as it just rolls off the tongue that way, though I don't particularly plan on NOT calling him Elijah. When I am feeling mushy towards him, 'Lijah is what I use :) I just can't wait to hold and kiss this sweet little baby manny!
Today (and somewhat yesterday as well), I have had my first proper strong Braxton Hicks contractions. This is my FIRST pregnancy where I really haven't had many Braxton Hicks contractions! I think this is normal, this pregnancy. I have always had frequent strong BHs that could be timed like labour contractions, in my other pregnancies, and which would last for hours until I wondered if I should call someone (and did, once or twice) - from much earlier in my pregnancies than this. That was MY norm, but I'm not sure it's THE norm, you know?! Anyway, this time I am thankful that I have had a much quieter time with my womb. I have been having BHs for a long time, but far and few in between, and always pretty mild. I would be aware of the sensation and could sometimes feel the contraction if I put my hand on my bump, but sometimes not much. Today I have really had some that have made my bump go rock hard and have been uncomfortable to wait out - much more like the "norm" of my other pregnancies. I also found a little bit of (NOT bloody) mucus plug today when I went to the toilet, so I guess things are tentatively starting to gear up towards the end of pregnancy.
In some ways I am getting a bit nervous about impending birth again, but I think I probably have the best and most relaxed mindset towards birth that I ever have before - probably thanks to a couple of really lovely birth experiences now, and a great doula! :)
It's late and I'm sure I could write a lot more (and have probably forgotten a ton of things I wanted to say), but I should get to bed. Arthur is full of cold today, and Samuel sounded snuffly and upset when I settled him about an hour ago, so we could alllll be about to come down with colds, and I should get myself some rest while I can! I will try to update again soon, and also TRY not to forget the 36 week belly pic (which may have to be a cropped "belly only" picture if I am streaming with cold by then! ;) ).
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