Just a post for no particular reason! :) I'm beginning to get that "hard to believe" feeling all the time now. I will reach full term the day after tomorrow! 37 weeks! And tomorrow is MAY!!!! I'm having a baby in May!!! Boy do I hope that will be the case. I do NOT want to hold out until June! On June the 1st I would be 41 weeks and 2 days, which I've never reached before but since I've given birth at 41+0 and 41+1 before, I guess it's a possibility... I don't want to think about that though! I had a membrane sweep at my 41 week appointment both the other times, and gave birth the next day - my appointments were 40w6d, and 41 weeks exactly for those babies. So if I went as far as my 41 week appointment I would sincerely hope to give birth BEFORE May is out! ;) Apart from Nathan, my other babies were born with labour starting by itself (no sweeps) a day or two after my due date. I really hope Elijah will follow THAT pattern! ;)
Samuel is stirring a lot right now (all the boys have had a cold the last few days, and he's wakeful with it, but not toooo bad), so I may have to just leave this entry and go to bed with him in a minute.
I can't think why I'm writing! I have been so bad at keeping up with my blogs, and now I am starting to feel like updating about nothing in particular all the time, lol! I think it's to do with drawing near to the end of the pregnancy, or something. Big changes ahead. My mind is getting more focused on that than anything else now. It's hard to cope with the boys' antics and noise levels, and things that I need to really focus on in daily life. I just can't seem to deal with it so well, and it overwhelms me a lot. This past weekend was the first that I really NEEDED a break from being constantly distracted and surrounded by the children all the time. With 5 little ones and homeschooling, that is a pretty demanding part of my experience of motherhood! But I am used to it, and I love it! Sometimes it drives me a bit crazy, but I still ultimately love it and would never want to do anything else. It never crosses my mind (ever) to send the boys to school. That's a horrible thought to me, because I love having them home with me so very much (even when they drive me crazy, haha!). But this past weekend... I really did NEED Neil to whisk them away to the park or something so that I could have some clear head-space and do some necessary preparations in the house. Unfortunately it was hideous weather - pouring rain and gale force winds the whole time, as it has been for a couple of weeks now. Wouldn't you know, today Neil went back to work and it was sunny! ;)
Anyway, the rain stopped on Sunday afternoon and they did go out. They were climbing the walls anyway. They all have matching waterproof dungarees and raincoats, and wellies! They looks so sweet wearing them! :) Apparently they spent an hour wading through puddles. They have colds!! But they came home soaked even under the waterproof dungarees, shiny eyes, telling me 3 at a time how much fun they had. Neil called me from the park to say when they were leaving and I had a big bubble bath ready for them when they arrived home. They literally walked in the door, stripped off on the way to the stairs and got in the bath! Five muddy little boys in a row in there :) Our bath won't fit six children, even small ones, hehe! I love a bath full of little children - such a picture of BLESSING! :)
While they were out, I got some much needed space to think straight - I'm fuzzier in my head than EVER before, honestly. I can't multi-task any more, which I have always been able to do. I can't remember stuff well! I can't stay focused on more than one thing, which is reeeeeeally hard with lots of little ones asking me different things simultaneously (which happens countless times a day - I need to work on them learning to take turns talking!).
I made a list of everything that needs doing before the baby is born - both necessary things and things that would be nice to get done. Our back garden fence blew down in the weather so we need to get that sorted. And other mundane stuff like maintaining a clean bathroom, getting the sink fixed (it still leaks at the back, even though a plumber came and tested it and it was fine, of course, while he was here), and dusting and hoovering the bedrooms, etc. Also the biggest thing left to do - moving Samuel into the boys' room. We were supposed to do that TWO weekends ago, but we realised it wouldn't be safe without the safety gate on their bedroom door, and we didn't have an extra one yet. So I bought one online, the same as our kitchen safety gate, and of course it wasn't here at the weekend, so we waited. Then they all came down with a cold and were very disturbed at night. It didn't seem right to move Samuel when he was waking and crying for me many times during the night because he didn't feel well. His best comfort is either breastfeeding, or this thing he does where he sucks his thumb and um, twiddles at me. He's the first who has done this, and I haven't bothered to correct him because I don't mind it really. I would probably mind it more if we were out and about in public more, but we aren't. Sometimes during my pregnancy it has made my skin crawl when he does that, so I haven't let him much, but he definitely is calmed instantly by the twiddling/sucking thumb combo, so it's a useful thing for me to be close to him to offer to breastfeed if he's poorly.
Also, over the weekend, Nathan, Benjamin and Matthew were very disturbed and kept waking up coughing or crying, or too congested to breathe and needing to have help blowing their little noses. Arthur was our starter for this cold during the week so he's well on the mend now, and the others are turning the corner today too. But at the weekend if Samuel HAD been in their room, it would probably have been a pretty disturbed sleep for him with their wakings alone. So we have put it off until NEXT weekend! It's getting awfully close to baby time, to be moving him in such a big way, so it makes me a little uneasy. But then I just keep reminding myself that Nathan came unexpectedly, before we'd got round to moving Matthew with Arthur, so that I could just have Nathan with me at night. Literally, I woke up with Matthew sleeping nearby as always, my waters having just broken, went to the hospital, came home with a baby a couple of days later and never slept in the same room as Matthew again! :( I felt so upset about it, but he was one hundred percent fine, and didn't bat an eyelid at the change. I hope it will go as smoothly for Samuel.
I will miss him terribly when he moves into their room! I am treasuring each night with him, and each morning waking up next to him. One morning last week I woke up with my head propped up higher than usual, because I had trouble getting to sleep (again!) and thought I would try an extra pillow. I was lying on my side facing Samuel, as I always do. He sleeps lower down than the pillows, so it's easy to breastfeed him, and because he's never used a pillow yet. But anyway, I opened my eyes, and it honestly nearly made me start crying to see Samuel's face on the pillow next to mine. He was fast asleep, and his cheek was pressed against mine. I was startled for a second and then I just lay as still as I could, not wanting him to move or wake up, so that I could take in (and desperately try to memorise) such a precious moment. He's such a DARLING little boy, and out of all my boys, my experience co-sleeping with him has been the sweetest. He's an "easy" baby at night, though he still wakes. He's sweet natured, and not a bed-hog or a thrashy restless person. Such a sweet little bed-fellow! I will miss him ever so much! :'(
I got a few things sorted at the weekend which are a relief to get crossed off the list. I washed all the tiny baby clothes, and newborn clothes. I managed to create room for Samuel's clothes in the boys' double chest of drawers, so all of their clothes are together now, which will make it easier when he is part of their room. That freed up the drawers in my room for Elijah's baby clothes, so they are all folded and put away! Yay! Because I had done that, I was able to select all his stuff for the "hospital" bag, and pack it. I had SO much fun doing all the clothing-related stuff! :) Those clothes are soooo tiny and cute! I have packed a ziplock bag of TINY sleepsuits that Nathey wore when he was born. They probably fit up to 6lbs, and they're in a labelled ziplock bag because then they'll be easy to just remove from the hospital bag in a couple of weeks when I know he'll be well past that size, if I happen to go into labour or my waters break earlier than expected. They're just there in case of another "Nathan" experience! ;) I packed 6 vests and sleepsuits in two sizes - up to 7.5lbs and up to 10lbs. Nearly all my babies have not fitted into the up-to-7.5lbs clothing (size Tiny Baby), although Arthur and Matthew did for maybe the first week. I bought plenty of little clothes in that size before having babies, because hello?! I'm LITTLE, and weighed 5lbs 10oz myself when born at full term, lol! I expected little babies, like my mum had had. So I still hope to use those teensy cute little clothes! Nathey wore them, of course! :)
I think Elijah might fit into them, depending on whether he waits an extra week in there, or suddenly puts on a ton of weight in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Anyway, in case he turns out to be another 9+ pounder, the newborn (up to 10lbs) size is there too! ;) I just have to pack a "going home" outfit for me, and things I don't want in the bag yet like camera, money, hair brush, etc. Otherwise I'm pretty much ready with that. I didn't use it the last two times, so I'm hoping not to again! It's a huge help to have it packed even for a homebirth, because everything is in one bag and other people are hunting around for something to dress my new baby in while I'm getting stitches or something, and I don't have to worry about directing them. It's all in there, nappies and the lot.
I also washed the baby car seat cover, which was looking a bit yucky after 13 or 14 months of use with Samuel! I put it back on the car seat today, and then put the newborn insert in, which I haven't had out for ages. I adjusted the straps to newborn height, and oh my GOODNESS, I can't get over how teeny tiny a newborn baby is, just from looking at the little seat area created by the newborn insert and the new height of the straps!!! It's sitting in my room for now, and I can't stop looking at it. I go in there several times a day to put laundry away or put Samuel down for a nap, or whatever, and awwww, I just gaze at it for a while! It's much more tangible than anything else to me so far, that I'm really about to have a tiny new baby. Even the scan didn't do it for me this much, weirdly. The baby clothes do, somewhat. But looking at that little soft space for Elijah's little tiny body to fit into... I see my big round tummy and then look at the car seat, and for once I can REALLY make the connection. It's lovely! :)
What else now? I am feeling big, but I think I am not so big as I have been at 36/37 weeks in some of my pregnancies. Elijah is wiggly, but mostly just moves his bottom and legs, shoving them out so that he can straighten his legs a bit across me. Sometimes he does that so hard that it takes my breath away for a second, and sort of hurts my layers between him and my skin, if that makes sense! Like a deep pinch. He also turns his head occasionally so that it's a sharp grinding sensation very low down. My others have done this, and some of them did it ALL the time, which was very uncomfortable at the end of pregnancy! But Elijah does it very rarely. He seems comfy in there, which is nice! He still gets hiccups, but usually only once a day now, not more. I guess he is needing to practise that less and less? His lungs should be mature now, so I wondered if that's why. On the other hand he may be practising using those muscles just as often, but he's more efficient at it now.
I weighed myself at the weekend. Haven't done that in a while, because I was mainly not looking forward to seeing what I weighed! The last two times I weighed myself (29 weeks, and I can't remember the other time since then), I had gained like 9lbs in 10 days! It's been weeks since I weighed myself so I was kind of not wanting to see a crazy huge weight gain! To my surprise I weighed 11 stone 9lbs, only 4lbs up (I think...) from my last weigh-in, weeks ago. I guess I must have gone through a growth-spurt, or the baby did, back then? Before the first big/quick weight gain, I had been stuffing myself with whatever took my fancy - at the time it was jam doughnuts and chocolate and all sorts of stuff! So I cut right back on all that afterwards, but STILL gained the same amount after that! So after that weigh-in, weeks ago, I just went back to eating what I feel like eating, even if it's tons of chocolate and stuff. And lo and behold, only a few lbs gained. So it can't really be much to do with my diet at all. I think it's just a stage of pregnancy thing, for me.
My total weight gain so far then is about 42lbs. I can't remember my exact gain for other pregnancies, except that I gained 54lbs with Arthur, and 55lbs with Matthew. Nathan came early so I never got a final check on the lbs, but my weight gain was consistent at all the stages of my pregnancy that I'd weighed myself with the other two. I can't remember Benjamin and Samuel... I think I gained LESS, but I had started out heavier than I had with the first three babies, having not lost all my pregnancy weight from the previous pregnancy (several times over!). This time was different because I had a stomach bug and a kidney stone within a month, and my pre-pregnancy weight was lower than it had been when I got pregnant with Matthew. So I think I just gain what I gain. More if I started out lighter, and less if I really had some weight still to lose at the beginning. I guess I will end up with roughly a 55lbs weight gain, like the first two pregnancies, given that my starting weight was about the same as those. I really don't like feeling huge in the first few months postpartum, without the "excuse" of a baby growing in my tummy at the same time! It takes until 6 months PP before it really starts just falling off without changing my diet or activity levels. I TOTALLY plan to exercise this time though. I never do, and I really must!
I had such a vivid dream the other night. It was a birth dream - such an incredibly easy, quick and straightforward birth - unnaturally so, you know how dreams are?! ;) Anyway, the baby had a full set of teeth which were kind of folded over here and there, like they didn't fit. There was a doctor at my homebirth (?!) and he examined the baby and said he thought it had a genetic syndrome. The genitals were mostly male (hence the "it's a boy!" at the scan) but looked like a cross between genders. That's when the storyline changed in the dream so that my baby was carried by me but from a donor egg, and I had no idea that there was a chance of anything genetically wrong with the baby until that moment. I was so scared, because I had no idea whether it was the kind of syndrome that would mean that the baby would have a very short life expectancy. And I didn't know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and I was scared to call it one way or the other in case I was wrong. I loved the baby so much! I woke up before anything more was known about it, and it just disturbed me all that day, and still comes to mind today. Weird...
I am starting to find myself thinking about my past birth experiences a lot lately. I just find myself day dreaming about it, or I don't even know what I'm absent-mindedly thinking about, say while I am nursing Samuel to sleep for his nap, until I realise I feel kind of out of breath in a stressy sort of way, and that's when I notice I have been going through the transition/birth part of my labour with Samuel in great detail, as though reliving it in my mind. It isn't a stressful memory, thankfully! I have been blessed with two recent lovely birth experiences, which I am so glad about because the previous ones had left me scared of any future ones! Samuel's was the best birth I have experienced yet, and I am so hoping and praying for another like it, or even more wonderful! :)
Anyway, I must go to bed! It's so late, but for some reason I just sort of NEEDED to come and waffle here for a bit before going to bed. I haven't been sleeping too well again lately. A bit better than a week or so ago when it was ridiculous and I couldn't sleep until like 4am. But still it is taking me an hour or so to get to sleep, and my Restless Leg Syndrome kicks in ('scuse the pun) and drives me nuts so that I can't sleep after that for a bit longer. I am beginning to wonder if I'm deficient in magnesium. I have my usual weird cravings that I get at the end of pregnancy (all except Arthur's pregnancy), for diesel fumes and toothpaste and bubble bath and pine floor cleaner, and things like that. This time I am pining away for rain-soaked mud. Seriously. That's a new one. It smells sooooo good! I mean, it DOES smell good, but I have such an urge to chew on it and get the texture between my teeth, and suck out the goodness (the non-existant goodness, that is). I don't! Of course! But I am distracted by the desire to a lot. That's pica, an unnatural craving, not uncommon in pregnancy, and usually tied to an iron deficiency. My iron is fine, so I wondered if it was another mineral. Apparently Restless Leg Syndrome, insomnia and even kidney stones are caused by magnesium deficiency, and there's a longer list than that, all of which applies to me. So I wonder... I am not sure how to go about getting tested for mineral deficiencies, and unsure about taking supplements - especially with the whole postpartum haemmorrhage "issue", magnesium being a muscle relaxant. Taken with calcium, that should counter the muscle relaxing aspect, but I still get nervous, not really knowing anything about supplementing, and fiddling about with levels that I don't actually KNOW about, during pregnancy, with alleged increased risk of PPH.
Anyway. I must go to bed!!!! I'm sure I'll be back soon! :)
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