Monday, February 25, 2013

5 weeks, 6 days - bleurgh!

Really just a quick post to say, ugggggghhhhhhh I feel soooooo sick!!! :S I guess it did start mild because it was early, or something, like Samuel's pregnancy exactly (except a bit earlier this time). I seem to be prone to having a ton of air in my stomach which I can actually hear squelching about when I move or breathe in and out (!!). If I ever get that at other times, it makes me feel somewhere between queasy and really nauseous, until I can shift the air and burp. How nice! ;) Anyway, for some reason, I seem to be having this problem pretty much 24/7 at the moment, and so I feel like being sick most of the time. I haven't been (oh please Lord, may I NOT) but the nausea is just so overwhelming. Eating is hard because I feel like I'm putting food down past an urge in the opposite direction, uggghhh.

BUT! On the rare occasions when the wind problem seems to inexplicably be gone for a few hours, my nausea is more normal-morning-sickness-esque. It doesn't have that same hollow, about-to-vomit feeling, and it is actually moderate at the worst it gets - really quite manageable as far as morning sickness goes. I wish I could just sort out the cause for this trapped air thing, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad right now. This is day 3 or 4 like it, I think. Neil was off work Thursday and Friday because of my birthday, and then I was too ill to be out of bed much on Friday so he stayed home that day too. I've had the weekend to try to recover further from the viral thingy, and I'm on the mend. I am having weirdly strong post-viral fatigue though, and to say it is terrifying is a major understatement. It's like physical flash-backs to the 2 years I spent housebound with M.E. and I just never, ever (ever) want to revisit that feeling. Ever again. Ever. I hope it passes soon. I think I am a bit stronger today than yesterday, but Neil is back at work today.

Today has been okay, mostly. Just the constant nausea. I have wiped poo off bottoms x2, changed pooey nappies x2, and made lunch. Those have been the hardest parts. Breakfast was okay because the nausea wasn't quite so bad yet, but urrrghh, lunch... Now I am sitting in the kitchen, trying to cope with the smell of a pooey nappy deep in the bin, which I can't stomach emptying right now, sitting with a classpack of Crayola crayons under my nose, because somehow that seems a neutralising fresh fragrance to me right now. Weird! NOT a craving of any sort, just a pleasing smell when there's a horrid one around. I need to make the boys some dinner, but I can't face it. My mouth is just watering like crazy and I can't bear to even think about what food to make them, let alone actually go and look at it.

Of course, this is a marvellously good sign! :) My little baby must be growing well in there! I'm delighted about that, and it is a happy consolation while I feel like this. It's a bit daunting to think that I'm not even 6 weeks pregnant yet, and it could last 6, 8, 10, 12, or even 14 more weeks. Bleurgh! I'm trying to think about happy or exciting milestones - only a couple of weeks until I can start thinking about getting my doppler out in the next few days to listen for the baby's heart beating! I LOVE that moment! 8 weeks is a pretty grim time for nausea, but there's that lovely highlight for me, in there.

I told Neil about the name Toby, and how I feel about it. I told him even if we don't use it, I would love to keep the pattern we've got going - a different letter of the alphabet for each child. It wasn't intentional to start with, but I like it! He likes that idea too.

Heather keeps wondering about twins again, because my morning sickness started earlier than usual this time. The thought is VERY scary to me this time around! :S But who knows! I know my chance goes up the older I get.

I had a bit of brown spotting - I think I mentioned it last entry - on my birthday, and again the next day, but nothing since. I'm keeping a close eye all the time though.

I can't remember if I said a couple of weeks ago, but when I weighed myself then, I was 9st 7.5lbs, so that is my starting weight this time. So-so, for me! ;) I took my blood pressure yesterday because I felt so faint and dizzy (things kept starting to "white-out") and it was scaring me so I wanted to see if it was blood pressure related, or maybe it was just part of the post-viral thing. Anyway, 110/60 - very normal for me.

Okay I am feeling too sick and mouth-watery to type any longer. Neil will be home in 45 minutes, but it should be bedtime for the boys right after that, so it would not be good if I haven't even fed them yet! I have done school today. Absolutely determined to try to keep that going no matter what. With Samuel I couldn't - I stopped for 3 months, and I don't want to do that this time, with the boys that bit older and needing to keep up with school more. Also certain people watching us all the time, ugh. I am desperate to maintain their schooling. Today school has been on-and-off lessons from about 10.15am to 5ish in the afternoon. Plenty of stops for snuggles, putting Elijah to bed and getting him up, snacks, lunch, playing, too much TV, etc. Arthur was done with his school work by 11.30am! Early for him - he was very pleased! :) I am only teaching "core" subjects. The rest is autonomous (unschooled learning) - or "child-led". They learn tons from the child-led part! Today I taught Arthur maths and then spelling and handwriting. I managed to do a craft activity with Benjamin and Samuel (rarely manage to fit that in, but I am so desperate to, more often) and then Nathan joined in at the end, and went on to do his pre-writing and numeracy workbooks. I taught Matthew maths after lunch, and then a reading lesson. Nathan still needs his maths lesson, but I am not sure I can manage it now. Elijah is so clingy right now, and screams and cries clinging to the bars of the safety gate at the kitchen while I'm trying to teach lessons at the kitchen table! Makes it kind of difficult for the boys to concentrate, so then I pick him up and hold him while I teach, but lately I'm physically tired out when holding him, and also he is quite the lungey, squirmy wriggler when being held, and gets into mischief if I put him on the floor near me! We rush to get lessons done when he's napping!

Anyway, I will update again soon. I am excited that I'm 6 weeks pregnant tomorrow - another week down! But slightly dreading each day ahead as I know it will be hard to face with all the nausea. Sometimes it improves a lot just for lying down and resting for a couple of hours, but PROPER rest, not just being horizontal in parenting mode! That doesn't seem to have the same effect. And I can never, ever, expect to have the slightest rest at this stage of my life! At the weekend it helped, so hopefully Neil will let me rest to tackle the nausea at the weekends, maybe. I try to make the most of the times (twice) when I go upstairs and lay down to breastfeed Elijah to sleep for his nap. If I pretend I'm going to bed and ignore the screaming and bashing about downstairs (!!) then I sometimes trick my body into resting enough to take the edge off the nausea by the time I get up again when Elijah has fallen asleep (about 5-10 mins later).

Of course, I am also chanting regularly, "It's soooo worth it, it's soooo worth it!" :) Because it totally IS!! And it will pass. Faster with each pregnancy, as time seems to go faster each time, so that is in my favour too. :)

[ETA: 30 mins later: Praise the Lord for Tropicana tropical juice! Half a glass later and I'm simultaneously holding wiggly 'Lijah on my hip, stirring porridge (breakfast for dinner tonight), and even able to jokingly answer the slightly whiney question: "What's for food?!" with a cheery, "Poo on sticks!" - just as my own mother used to, bless her! ;) Still feel very sick but at least a bit more able.]

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