6DPO

Just an update on how this cycle is progressing.

I am 6 days past ovulation today and feeling pretty neutral, physically - neither pregnant nor like a period is coming. It's a weird sort of calm-before-the-storm feeling, and I'm not sure what to make of it!

My temp, which shot up the last time I updated at 4DPO, dropped down a bit the next day, and today was pretty much the same temp (I use a fertility thermometer which has two decimal places, and today's was 0.02 degrees lower - basically nothing). I am just waiting to see what happens tomorrow with that, and I'm unsure what to expect. Maybe it'll drop lower and I'll get my period over the weekend sometime. Or maybe it'll be similar to today's again. Or go up? I will just have to wait and see.

I am having a lot of "different" CM this cycle, since ovulating. I actually went back and changed the last day that I'd charted EWCM - because I am not sure I was right about that. It's continuing the same but it's not true EWCM. Not fertile CM, but certainly different from what I'm used to in my luteal phase. It's sort of like at the end of pregnancy when I lose little bits of my mucus plug (not the proper "show") - sorry for the detail! ;)

Um, what else?....

I have been pretty crampy - that's worth noting. Mild cramps mainly, but I have also had some odd discomfort above my pubic bone - different places at different times, too. Sort of a pully/pressy achy feeling - not like a bruise, mostly like a crampy sensation, but not exactly cramps... I can't really put my finger on it. It's been there since 3DPO, on and off, and when it has been bothersome enough to distract me, I've wondered if maybe there's something up with my bladder/urine, but I think that's all fine. It goes through to my lower back. I've had quite a lot of low backache, and just a low pressure sensation front and centre as well. Such vague feelings, and I can't believe I've had so many pregnancies and I'm still going, "Hmmm, I'm not sure what to make of this....", lol! Today and the day before yesterday (4DPO), I have even charted "bad cramps" very tentatively, because the crampy sensation was actually proper sore. When I went to bed that night at 4DPO, I felt crampy like a period was starting maybe. So for me, that is not my usual mild cramps, and I show that difference by charting them as "bad cramps". Today I have had the same (not yesterday though). I second guess myself a lot and wonder if I've just "tweaked" some muscle or ligament in my pelvic region, or something daft like that! ;) But I don't know. It's bothering me now even, all of my lower back, but deep, not surface muscles, and above my pubic bone about 1 inch on my right side. I have only ever charted "bad cramps" (as I've probably said a zillion times over the years, lol!) when I am pregnant, even if it's a chemical pregnancy in the end. I haven't ever had bad cramps in my luteal phase when I am not pregnant. Ever. Once I thought I was wrong for the first time ever - I had bad cramps, felt sure it must mean pregnancy, and then got my period and pretty much said, "Ah well! There's a first time for everything!" thinking that I had finally been proven wrong on the "I only get bad cramps when I'm pregnant" thing. And then I discovered Elijah was on the way a couple of weeks later! ;)

Soooo, going by that, I would say the cramps are pretty self-explanatory and they make me feel pretty confident that they are implantation cramps! :) I am trying not to get overly excited about it because I have had too many occasions where that implantation never got finished because of a short luteal phase, and it could happen the same way this time. I was driving to an appointment this afternoon, and thinking about it as I went along, and I thought that surely it was too early anyway at 8 months PP, for my luteal phase to be likely to sustain a pregnancy. I'm not sure why it escaped my mind that my last two babies were conceived at 8 months PP! I also thought that because my LP was only 7 days long, the LP in my next cycle would surely not be long enough yet. But then I checked my chart this evening and saw that the cycle before Elijah was conceived had a 6 day LP. So, I guess anything is possible! :)

Today's appointment was a follow-up with the stone clinic at the hospital - after my kidney stone in July 2011. The consultant is going to discharge me back to my GP if an ultrasound and X-ray of my bladder and kidneys shows me to be stone-free at the moment. I have a greater chance of developing kidney stones now that I've had one in the past (whoop. dee doo.). So today was my appointment for those tests. I had the ultrasound which took aaaaages, and I'm so thrilled that they didn't find any stones even though they searched for ages! :) Small stones can't be seen on ultrasound so there might be some of those, but hopefully not, and they're small enough so that they pass without causing trouble, apparently. Anyway, I knew that I shouldn't have an X-ray if I'm pregnant, and I'd googled this week to check if that was true of very early pregnancy. It is. So when they said that I would be going for an X-ray next, I said, "Hmmm, I might possibly be pregnant...." and they said that they have pregnancy tests if I needed to find out. I told them that I was only a week past ovulation, and they said that I had better hold onto the request form and make an appointment for an X-ray at least 10 days after my period starts. If it doesn't start, then obviously I wait until after the baby is born. But if it does, they have a rule of waiting 10 days, and no parsnips are allowed from the start of that cycle until after the X-ray. The hospital is brilliant and it turned out that I could attend a walk-in X-ray clinic (!!!) at my own convenience, any day of the week or at the weekend, so long as I have the request form. I would have loved to find out once and for all today whether I have any kidney stones at all, but I feel happy to have made the decision for the wellbeing of my tiny tiny little baby (if that tiny tiny little baby is in there). Even if I am pregnant and lose this little one, I will feel like I have made a decision on something for him/her - something I planned to do was changed for that baby's sake, and that makes the baby all the more real somehow, even if I end up with a chemical pregnancy again. I will be able to think, "Oh remember when I declined that X-ray because of the baby?" That feels comforting. Because I have no idea whether I will get to keep this little one (and I guess by the way I'm apparently writing, I do feel like I am carrying one, then...), being able to think of something tangible like that will make that baby permanently real to me.

Anyway. So I haven't had an X-ray yet, and maybe I won't?! ;) I can't tell anyone why I haven't had it, so I'm hoping nobody asks, or else just not mentioning much about my appointment to family, etc!

The doctor who did my ultrasound was so lovely. She said, "Aw, will it be your first?" lol! I NEVER get tired of these moments, hehehe! I told her that I have six children, and she looked rather shocked, haha!! :)

Well let's see... what else? I have had some breast tenderness since 4DPO. A sort of bruised feeling that throbs, and comes and goes, not the usual tenderness, but not the flashing pain that I often get in early pregnancy either. It's not there all the time, and it's not all that bothersome, but I'm making note of it all the same, for future reference.

I am charting increased appetite today, not that I'm ravenous before meals are due or anything, but because for breakfast I had 4 waffles, butter and maple syrup, and then for lunch I ate a load of leftover chicken pasta bake and a sandwich (!), and then for dinner I ate a huge plateful of salmon in white wine sauce, pasta and vegetables! And THEN put away a slice of chocolate brownie cheesecake. Oh yes. And that doesn't include snacks (of which there have been quite a few. *cough*) I have been hungry before all my meals, but not painfully or long before they're due. I have had a lower than usual appetite for the past few days, so this is a huge contrast. I'm also much more thirsty today than I have been, even though I'm drinking more today.

I have had the strangest feeling through the middle part of the day today. I kept needing to go and check whether or not my period was starting. I kept feeling sort of leaky, and with a crampy sensation which made me feel SURE I was starting my period, so I would go and check or wipe, and of course there was no blood. That's something that I remember from early on in my pregnancies, but I can't remember whether or not I also found that it happened sometimes when I wasn't pregnant too.

I think that's it really. Oh but yesterday afternoon, Matthew randomly made a suggestion for what we could call the next baby while he was in my tummy! And today - completely out of nowhere - Nathan did the same thing, and Matthew overheard him, and the two of them started coming up with suggestions (sillier and sillier as time went on, I might add!), until Arthur joined in as well. Arthur has been actually pestering me to pee on sticks, and asking when a new baby would be in my tummy, etc. for some months! Today while they were discussing names, he suddenly said, "Mummy, do you have a new baby in your tummy now?" and I told him that I couldn't answer his question, because I didn't know the answer at the moment. He said, "You could wee on one of those sticks..." and I told him that was a decision between Mummy and Daddy! I don't want him to know "early" before I'm ready to tell them, when I get pregnant. I want to announce it, and probably not the day I test positive either. I want to be a bit creative with them, if I can, because the older ones are old enough to appreciate a bit of cryptic excitement now! ;) We'll see. I think I managed to throw him off the scent anyway. I love that they're suddenly asking random pregnancy-related things, since yesterday! :)

The only other thing of note is that I have been feeling really quite depressed and unhappy this week. Heather emailed me to ask for an update on the social services situation (she's a great support), and I did update her, and then ended up sending her a separate (very long!) email just spilling out my entiiiiire heart on everything. She emailed me back with lots of love and encouragement, and some suggestions, and said we need to chat face-to-face about some of the things I told her about in my email. So tomorrow morning I am meeting her for coffee somewhere (Neil is looking after the boys, including little 'Lijah!) while I do that. Nervous, but reliiiieved to have a wonderful friend to really talk to over things that are overwhelming me. Our church has a special event on for ladies tomorrow evening as well, and Heather bought us both tickets to go! Wine, music, laughs, chocolate - sounds wonderful! :) Have I mentioned lately that I love love love Heather completely?!! :)

So, I will see what my temp does in the morning, and hopefully if I'm going to get my period it will wait until a convenient time like Sunday afternoon, lol! I will keep my chart updated even if I haven't updated here, but I'll aim to update here soon as well.

Ella, if I am pregnant, I will be due October 19th! :)