I haven't got much time to update this morning but I wanted to anyway, so I'll have to be quick.
I got Neil to bring home a digital test (after talking to Rebecca! :) ) and then got too nervous to use it because it's expensive, and what if it just says "not pregnant"?! Bit of a mega disappointment, right?
Then I got to thinking that when I tested yesterday at 9DPO, I had been for a wee really late at night, and then used first morning urine to test - about 6 hours worth. So maybe that wasn't adequate for first morning urine? By 11pm or thereabouts, I hadn't been to the loo since 1pm and decided to test with another internet cheapy as it was 10 hours worth of wee (yes, I should be preventing further kidney stones better. Tsk!). Anyway I was discouraged to see that it was negative. I looked back at it a few minutes later and there was a line after all, and it was the same as the morning's like - mayyyyybe just a touch darker, but basically the same. So I was back to being excited again!
This morning when I temped, I got 36.71. I feel really disappointed about that, because while it is still up there in the high temps for me, it's a drop (you can see it on my chart, the link to which is over there on the right (FF chart)), and a drop at 10DPO isn't all that good.
I debated for a while on whether to test. I talked to Neil about it before he went to work, and he was as confused as I am - I still feel pregnant. Last night I had proper bad cramps when I went to bed, and this morning the same - almost too uncomfortable to settle back to sleep when I had woken to feed Elijah. They felt like period cramps, but I don't have my period, and that never never NEVER ever happens unless I'm pregnant, unless bleeding follows within an hour-ish (which it hasn't). Neil stroked my face again and said my skin is definitely still pregnant soft. I am still weeing more frequently, and painfully hungry at times of day when I'm normally just "hungry" like before breakfast, etc. The crampiness is accompanied by a sensation of a large ball of something low in the pit of my abdomen. There is a feeling of fullness and a sort of hot pressure. It all feels very much like early pregnancy to me.
After Neil went to work, I decided I would test. I felt deflated about it even as I did so, because I didn't feel much hope for a positive, and statistically, a negative at 10DPO isn't a good sign for me. I did see a line, basically the same as the one I posted a picture of yesterday. I had probably not weed in 8 hours. Shouldn't it be stronger than yesterday's, if there's a healthy pregnancy starting? It's making me second guess whether the lines I've been seeing are real lines in the first place. :( I shouldn't have to look soooo hard for them at all angles, at 10DPO, unless they're not really there, maybe?
Then I got out the little box with all the test sticks (yes I keep them! It's a cross between "Aww!", and "Eww!", lol!) from all my other babies. Someone's are missing! :( I found Arthur's, Matthew's, Samuel's and Elijah's, all labelled. There's another set of four, labelled with DPO, but no initial to show which boy they were from. :( So they are either from Nathan or Benjamin, but the other one of those boys has no tests saved! I have no idea why, I'm sure I saved them all...
Anyway. All of the pregnancies which tested positive at 10DPO were clearer than the test I took today. Most of them I started testing after 10DPO though. Samuel's tests were interesting. I started at 8DPO with him (negative), then 9DPO (also negative) and then I was discouraged at 10DPO so didn't test, but tested again at 11DPO and got a positive, which is only a touch darker than the tests I've taken today and yesterday, so hmmm.... I compared my 9DPO tests (morning and evening) with Samuel's 9DPO negative, and the lines on the recent ones are more obvious than the not-actually-there line on Samuel's. That gave me hope! :)
I looked in my blog for a photo of Samuel's 11DPO test, and found the post where I put it, and an altered version (like I posted here yesterday) to make it clearer: (THIS IS SAMUEL'S, just to note! Not today's!)
And then I found a post where I had a comparison photo of all the tests I'd taken so far with Samuel, including the too-early ones at 8DPO and 9DPO:
BUT. I checked my now-very-looonnnnng list of charts, to look at pregnancy charts and chemical pregnancy charts since the one before Arthur was conceived. Many of my chemical pregnancies seemed to have a drop like this actually at 10DPO, and then my period or spotting at the end of the day, and a proper drop the next morning. I'm really discouraged, looking at those charts, because I feel convinced now that I am not going to be keeping this little one. I'm sure I will end up having another chemical pregnancy. :( And the only thing to do is wait.
[Edited to add: Just bought some more cheapy tests, as I only have one or two left now, and it looks like I will need some for next cycle. I bought a pack of 10 of the ones above (smallest size available, and it only cost £2.29!!!) and for the first time I decided to buy a pack of 10 of the more sensitive ones, which measure 10 whatevertheyares of pregnancy hormone, as opposed to 25 like the others I've always taken. Same as First Response Early Result. So, at least those are on their way!]
No comments:
Post a Comment