7DPO ramblings...

Did you see my temp this morning?! I was sort of expecting a drop, but nope! I had the same temperature as yesterday (flat temps, both before and after the "implantation dip"!! Hmmm!) so if I have another tomorrow like today's my chart will officially be triphasic, even though I'll only be 8DPO. Also, that in itself is exciting to me - EIGHT days past ovulation! I didn't know my LP would be this long yet - well, I wondered after last cycle, but I had no way of knowing.

Today has been a weird day. I can't even remember half of it. The main thing apart from the continuous (and sometimes really bothersome) queasiness has been the utter and complete exhaustion. Yesterday evening's entry mentioned me being "washed out" and exhausted, but now I'm at THIS evening, I see that I was practically skipping through fields of poppies last night compared with today. I feel absolutely grey with exhaustion, for no real reason. That could well be a sign that tomorrow I will get my period. Or, you know, a pregnancy symptom. I still maintain that I am absolutely 100% definitely pregnant at this moment in time. I feel pregnant. I have so many very familiar signs and symptoms, not just a little bit but all up in my face! ;) I have flat temps, an implantation dip in my typical window (between 4 and 7dpo) with associated CLEAR symptoms (for me) of implantation on the same day as the dip, and if my luteal phase does carry on until tomorrow, possibly a triphasic chart.

Today I have a definite increase in my sense of smell. My body is hungry before meals are due but my appetite is affected by this yucky queasy tummy. I am still really gassy but more up in my stomach now. The lemon soap in the bathroom is turning my stomach now that my nose is suddenly more sensitive. I had to put that same soap away last pregnancy (we had a pack of 4 and are just now using them up!). And right now I am eating an Oreo and can smell stale cigarettes from the taste in my mouth. Weirdness. Today I have an evvver so slightly sore/scratchy throat, with no possible exposure to any colds. I had forgotten about that one from my two-week-wait in Matthew's pregnancy! And Nathan's too, I think. I don't think I had that last pregnancy with Benjamin. I have had some bad cramps today. They have been a bit more "squeezy" or vice-like in nature, and are central and right down low in the pit of my abdomen. I have been convinced sooo many times today that my period has arrived, and have been to check several times, only to find absolutely nothing. The cramps have been rather on-and-off (also suspicious of pregnancy, never mind the whole thing about how I never have bad cramps during a luteal phase unless I'm pregnant!). The vice-like cramps in the centre have made me feel a bit sicky when they occur. They feel very familiar to me from previous pregnancies, but they're also so similar to period cramps that it's hard to be sure they're not to do with a period on the way (though I never cramp badly before a period starts, but anyway!).

Soooo what else? Just tired. So tired! Today for some crazy reason I decided to start potty training Matthew, and it has not been an easy day! ;) I have felt suddenly weepy at children's TV (another norm for me in early pregnancy, but probably could happen before a period too), and also definitely more irritable than usual today, but that could be a knock-on effect from the tiredness. This is day two of slightly tender breasts. Nursing is not sore though. I am not 100% sure that my milk supply is the same as it was a week ago. I usually know which breast I didn't feed with last because it's fuller when I check as I go to feed Benjamin, but today after a few hours there was no fullness really in either :S I am getting behind on my Through the Bible in 90 Days challenge because I am too tired for my eyes to read the words. I do read, and I am getting it read, but with a goal of about 15 chapters per day, I am just not able to do it when I feel this exhausted. My eyes start rolling around in my head spontaneously after about 3 chapters, haha! ;)

I am getting some pully-stretchy pains inside my hips on both sides, just short sensations here and there throughout the day. I also had a certain "bubbly" feeling that I wrote about with Arthur and Matthew's pregnancies during my LPs too, I think. Today and yesterday I have had what I now think are mini ligament pains, inside my hips. They occur both randomly and when I do things like getting up from my bed and twisting to pick Benjamin up from the bed as I'm almost upright. Then I get a quick flash of a twingey pain inside a hip. I know that is pregnant of me. I don't have lots of incidences, but those that have occurred have been just today and yesterday.

Okay I think that is all for today. Still SURE I am pregnant, but expecting to have a chemical pregnancy and a period eventually, because - maybe I shouldn't think this way? - that's the way I seem to do things. I am starting to wish it didn't have to be so inevitable and I could enjoy and be excited about some of these obvious pregnancy signs as they are occurring, but really I am just waiting for it all to end one way or another. Trying not to get attached to the idea of a little one starting to take root, which is really becoming difficult due to the fairly obvious signs that a little one IS taking root. All the more reason I should just cherish however few days I have attached to the new beginnings of a person, and celebrate the fact that it would be another child to meet one day in eternity. That is pretty special (I already have five!!) and it helps a lot to think of it that way. But I probably just should not even think about tiny bundles of furiously dividing cells burrowing into me in a determined manner! I LOVE to think of such things, but I probably shouldn't this time :(

On the other hand, somewhere around noon today I felt like something was a little different than in the morning. I wondered if my hormones were changing with my short LP kicking in, and my body therefore starting to shed the whole pregnancy thing and get busy preparing for a period. I haven't felt so hot inside through the afternoon as I have for the past few days. My feet are really cold tonight! I had a headache in the afternoon that was yucky and persistant and I immediately thought that it must obviously be the pre-period headache that I often get in the 12 or so hours before a period turns up (to do with hormones dropping or something). I took painkillers in the end and actually it cleared right up, which my pre-period headaches usually don't do (nothing touches them normally), so I don't know.

Today I have swung back and forth from feeling like I am absolutely definitely 100% pregnant and maybe it could really pan out! To feeling like I am absolutely definitely 100% about to get my period at any moment! ;)

But it's almost time for me to go to bed (early for me, but sooooooo tired) and no sign of my period yet. Tomorrow I am 8DPO, and it all hinges on what my temperature is in the morning, I think. I'm almost nervous (nervous-excitement, that is) about taking it, I'm so eager to find out one way or the other what my body is doing! If it drops and I get my period I will have had a 7 day luteal phase, which is not bad for my 3rd cycle at only 6 months postpartum! If it does not drop then we'll see. Even if my chart continues to be a pretty clear pregnancy chart, on any given day it could all suddenly cut off - that's how most of my chemical pregnancies have ended, and later than this too. It's too early to test still, which is somewhat driving me just a tiny bit crazy, but I have already considered testing at 8DPO, even being crazily early for any sort of accurate result. I have expired tests to use up, and who knows if I would just get a temp drop at 9DPO anyway, so it would be exciting to have a triphasic chart or something and test, even if it was negative! :) So I possibly might, without expecting anything at all. Just for the fun of it! And because it might be the last chance before my period shows. But I do wonder about the less "hot" feeling and whether that means my temp has already dropped down. I will be sure to update tomorrow! Right now I am going to bed!