Well, my temperature dropped this morning, to 36.4. Still a post-ovulatory temp for me, but a significant drop, so I knew that was the end of that really. I still felt pretty nauseous from waking again this morning, and am a bit queasy still now, but I got some different cramps that started at about 11am (sort of I-mean-business cramps, lol!) and started my period about 5 minutes later.
So today I am just not setting myself any goals, as I don't know what to expect from this period. It has only been an hour or so. So far I am really sore and not feeling nice, and I'm dizzier than usual with periods, but then periods AREN'T that nice in any case! ;)
I do still feel that conception definitely took place and implantation definitely got started. I started to second-guess myself this morning after my temp dropped, but after thinking about it, even though it does just look like I didn't conceive and just had a usual but short luteal phase with some wacky hormones, I really really really do know my body by now and am more than certain I was at the beginning of a pregnancy. I'm glad I said a sort of hello-and-goodbye two nights ago as I lay in bed, with my hand over my pubic bone, just thinking of what probably wasn't to be. I was not about to write about it here at the time! I don't think I have ever done that before, but I sort of felt like I was really sure a little somebody was there, and yet I also felt fairly sure that I would only have a few days, so I tried to keep that in mind and cherish them! And I did! :) That felt nice, and different to previous chemical pregnancies. Of course I have no actual evidence that I had a chemical pregnancy, because I didn't even get far enough in my LP to test! Feels a bit daft if I look at it like that! But I think I will count it as one in my head, only because of the absoluteness of the symptoms, chart, and familiarity with such things after so many in just a few years. I think if parsnips happen to fall in the fertile window next time (and let's face it, the likelihood is high, because we don't try to avoid it, and partake way more when my hormones dictate! I only chart the fertile-window parsnips), then I may well be looking at another chemical pregnancy if we conceive, because this past cycle I have had a 7 day luteal phase - NOT very long at all. It really needs to get to 10 before I actually get to sustaining a pregnancy, and the increase in number of days is very slow for me, usually one or maybe two per cycle.
I am not so eager for another baby that I want one at all costs!! I have a 6-month-old baby! Not to mention three other small children! And I love enjoying them without morning sickness, and knowing I have plenty of milk for my baby for a while to come, without pregnancy hormones drying it up! I am eager for another baby/pregnancy as part of being eager for God's blessings and His plan to unfold - that's sooooo exciting!!! And I love being pregnant and having babies! But I wouldn't mind the next few months without at all. I am just not feeling toooo crazy about likely getting pregnant again and being so so so sure again like this past cycle, and having all the symptoms, and then knowing that I'm pretty much waiting for a period because it won't/can't work with my LP too short. It's probably daft of me attaching myself to the idea of a baby in the FIRST WEEK after ovulation! But if a baby attaches itself to ME during that window, and I know about it, I can't help myself. After my little hello-and-goodbye chat the other night, I did then pray that God would somehow lengthen my luteal phase enough for the little one to stay - I knew it was risky actually laying my hand there and talking to that little ball of cells! ;) But more than that I wanted what God's plan was for me, for my family, for the children he has already pre-destined, and so that's what I eventually ended up praying. I do feel at peace about it, and I'm excited to one day meet extra children when I get to heaven! But I feel a little bit deflated at the idea of the same thing again next cycle, possibly. God's plan, God's plan. Gotta keep my eyes on GOD'S plan. Then all I have is praise :)
I will be back in a few weeks! ;)
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