40 weeks and 4 days...

STILL here!! At the end of the day, 4 days after my due date!! No signs of labour yet. I confess I am beginning to get a little bit impatient! :S I know it's ONLY four days, but each day seems to feel like a week all by itself, it's crazy.

Sorry not to update yesterday, but (as Megan speculated!) I was too exhausted, and was up way too late anyway making frantic last-minute online Christmas purchases, so I just had no time left to update here.

Well, let's see. Yesterday morning I woke up at 6.15am when Neil brought Benjamin in to breastfeed (LATE for Benjamin, which is good! He is usually up by 5.30, urgh!). As I nursed him in my bed, I noticed a sweeping crampy sensation across the lower part of my bump, and in the small of my back. It grew and grew in intensity, but it didn't feel like a contraction as such, just crampiness. I put my hand on my tummy at one point and it did feel like it was pretty solid. Then it went away. About 5 minutes later, Benjamin was still nursing (he was dozing really!) and the sensation returned. This happened a couple more times over the next 10 minutes, and then nursing got too sore so I took Benji off and Neil took him downstairs. I told him that I had had some crampy contraction-type-things about every 5 minutes while I was feeding Benjamin. Then I tried to get some more sleep for the next 45 minutes before Neil had to leave for work. I could NOT sleep, even though I was sooooo tired, because I was eager for the sensations to BE something and could not seem to relax or stop wondering if another would come. I tried really hard to ignore it and think about sleeping instead, but it just wouldn't come. Every time I felt that crampiness coming back, I checked the clock, and it was pretty much every 5 minutes spot on. I got pretty excited about it, because it seemed like it was the start of something for sure! After 40 minutes I must have dozed off, and Neil left me 15 minutes longer than usual before waking me. When I woke up I felt vaguely crampy but did not get another "contraction" for a while. Neil asked if I had had any more since he took Benjamin down and I said yes, and that they'd come quite regularly. He decided to stay home from work, as it seemed to both of us that things were starting up at last!

I tried to get some rest and sleep some more, but again sleep would not come. There was too much excitement over it being TIME at last, and wondering how it would all go. I was not exactly looking forward to what lay ahead, but I was excited to finally be showing signs of the early stages of labour or at least some good pre-labour. I got up in the end and was disappointed not to find a show of any sort, but figured that might come later. I took a bath after a bit, but all the while I was aware that my crampy sensations weren't really happening. I just felt vaguely crampy in general, but no surges that I could time. So disappointing!!! By 10am it was obvious that nothing at all was happening, and Neil went to work around 10.30am because it just made sense for him to do so. I felt soooooooooo discouraged!

The rest of the day went okay. The boys were hard work, and I was really tired, but it was a shorter day with Neil having stayed home most of the morning already. I felt very quiet and neutral in my womb for the rest of the day. I phoned my doula in the afternoon and told her I was never going to give birth and hoped she had a lovely Christmas! ;) She was very reassuring, of course. I told her about the "episode" that morning and she was excited about it, and promised me that progress would have been made in that time, being on my 5th baby with him so low in my pelvis. She reminded me that once you've had many babies, things can seem to start and stop before they really get going, then once they DO get going it's very quick. I hope she's right!

She said that her children (they're 12 and 14) were both poorly with a fever/cough virus and that if she'd come out to me that day her husband would have missed his Christmas lunch at work to come home and look after them, so I was glad that it worked out in a way! I did find it worrying to think that Heather herself could end up ill before Samuel came. Today I phoned her again to ask if she was okay, and she said she's fine, and her kids seem all better today. She said she'd still come to the birth even if she was ill, unless I didn't want her around with a virus (which I seriously might not, but I'd have to weigh it up if that happened), but she doesn't expect to catch it, and feels fine.

After speaking to Heather yesterday I felt more upbeat, and made shiny paper chains with Arthur and Matthew and then did some cosy read-alouds (winter stories) to pass the rest of the afternoon, which they all loved! So the rest of the day went better, again with an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT for me - urgh, I so keep needing those! :S

I'm extremely uncomfortable at all times, so it's hard to just put it to the back of my mind and get on with normal stuff. My pelvis is so sore! I am getting some bad ligament pains at the sides of my bump now that it's getting so big and heavy, especially at night. It's so sore at night that I sit on the edge of the bed hugging my bump and feeling nauseous when I get a ligament pain. Nothing makes it go away till it eases off, and it's so intense! Samuel feels SO BIG in there, and the pressure of his weight and his hard little head so deep in my pelvis is really sore sometimes. I'm so thankful that he's not an agitated little person, and his movements are calm and not too vigorous. I remember crying when Matthew squirmed and kicked when I was in labour with him, because that boy was just SO VIGOROUS and strong (very understandable now we know him better, lol!) and his movements hurt me when he was this big and my womb was at full capacity.

Last night I was sitting up/reclined a bit in bed on the phone to my mum for a good while, and during that time I had quite frequent Braxton Hicks contractions which were ever so strong. I had had the odd strong BH during the evening after Neil got home, in fact from right about the time he got home, and they weren't painful but the pressure of the BH pressing Samuel's head down so hard was almost overwhelming. They distracted me from whatever I was doing for sure, but I could talk through them and they were not painful. My mum was excited and wondered if things might start in the night. I would have wondered the same a few days before, but I really was getting to the point where I didn't trust ANY signs to lead to anything.

Sooo this morning I woke up without crampiness or contractions. Again. Nothing did happen in the night after all. At 40 weeks and 4 days, ALL my babies had been born, except for Matthew at 40+7. I was still having the odd Braxton Hicks which was very intense but that's it really. I went to the loo and still had no show. *sigh* I just felt really despondent about it all, even though I knew that was silly. Neil took Benjamin downstairs and I went back to sleep. When I woke, it was nearly 10am!!! Neil told me he decided to take today off work on the basis that I kept on getting twinges and contractions here and there, and that it could kick off any time, and it made more sense for him to get the house cleaned up (it's in an AWFUL state after the week I've had!) in preparation for a home birth with midwives and Heather all over the house, etc. He said work were fine about it, and hoped he wouldn't need to go in on Monday after all this! Boy do I hope that doesn't have to happen....

So it was WONDERFUL to get a lie-in this morning, and then rest as much as I could during the day while Neil did most of the boy-related stuff. I was so grateful! It snowed late morning, heavy enough to leave about an inch in a short time, and the boys were so excited! Neil took them out onto the street in their sweet little snow outfits, and they built a snowman together, while I re-packed my hospital bag. I need a hospital bag packed in case I decide to go in (like if my waters break before labour starts - to get the IV antibiotics for the GBS) or if I need to be transferred to hospital at some point during my home birth. Also it's very handy to have EVERYTHING I need for labour and immediately postnatal - for Samuel as well as me - packed in one place for others to access as needed. It was so good to finally check that off the list! I had packed it earlier in the week but still had a few things to put in, and today I realised that I should take out the baby clothes that were in there because most of them were sized "tiny baby - up to 7.5lbs". I put the more generous of that size in, but I figure Samuel now won't fit ANYTHING in that size, generous or not! Although, come to think of it, I think Benjamin fitted one or two sleepsuits that were on the generous side in that size, in his first few days... And he was 8lbs 11oz! So maybe. I feel a bit sad packing away the EVER SO SWEET tiny baby clothes, knowing my baby has already outgrown them and I haven't even been able to hold or meet him yet! I put a coming-home outfit and some vests and sleepsuits in the hospital bag in size newborn (up to 10lbs). Those will be too big on him even if he's 9lbs (they always are on mine when they're that kind of weight) but the size below will probably be too small. And I packed the last few things that I hadn't got around to before. And yay! Hospital bag totally packed and ready! I still need to pack money and my birth notes, and a blanket for Samuel (which won't fit!) but that's all.

This morning I used a bit of my time resting in bed to get on the laptop and order the last few items that I wanted for the boys' Christmas presents. Cutting it fine now with the changing delivery dates with the bad weather coming, but that's why I HAD to get it done before Samuel arrives, otherwise we'd have to do without some of their presents at Christmas! PHEW though, I got it done! :) Heather asked me on the phone if I've been stressing at all about anything that needs preparing for Christmas, and I said yes. I really have needed to get the presents purchased (online) before Samuel's arrival, because anything I didn't get done would stay undone. And I really only got working on that properly after my due date. Also Christmas cards - I bought some this year instead of making them with the boys, but STILL haven't written them! I have made the decision to let them go this year (again!) and maybe send out a belated Christmas card or New Year's card with a birth announcement in January. That feels better, to have settled on that! The only other thing was to get the Christmas cakes that I made in October, marzipanned. They are supposed to have marzipan on them 3 weeks before Christmas so as to dry out in time for the royal icing to go on a few days before Christmas. But I have just not been getting around to it! It has been on my "to-do" list, marked urgent, and has been really bugging me. So when Heather asked the question, I wondered if I needed to just work on tying up all the loose ends and hopefully then I could relax more and go into labour. I have done the marzipan tonight! I wanted to bake brownies as well but I was tired after doing the cakes so I didn't get around to that. But I'm SO so glad to have done those Christmas cakes at last! :)

Heather told me that she was sure I was making progress more than I realised, with all these pressurey BHs and the odd painful crampy sensation, and the little teensy bits of mucus plug (I had a little more late morning today - same kind of time as the other days for some weird reason, and then no more since!). She said if it might reassure or encourage me, I could always check my own cervix to see. I wondered if that might be a bad idea, though I have checked my cervix PLENTY in the past. I checked it a couple of times in the weeks before my waters broke with Nathan, and wondered if I'd caused him to come early, so I hadn't ever checked my cervix during pregnancy since. She said that if I DID cause my waters to break (which would be very unlikely) then would it really matter at this stage? Well, no! So I took a bath this afternoon and checked, but urgh I was really discouraged (again!) because I could not even reach it! That's not a great sign, because the cervix comes down and forward for labour. I tried again this evening and I think I could feel the edge of it. Whatever I felt was extremely soft, so I guess it could have been my cervix or maybe a bulging bag of waters? I don't know, I could hardly reach to feel whatever-it-was at all. I wished I hadn't tried because I felt so disappointed about it for some (hormonal?!) reason - I felt quite upset about it. Anyway. I phoned my mum and now I'm updating here. I feel okay. I know Samuel will arrive in the end, and at the right time! I just hope it's SOOOOON!!!

Since I first checked my cervix after my bath this afternoon, I have been increasingly aware of sharp pain in that kind of area, which reminds me of the sharp pain I was getting after my membrane sweep with Matthew at 41 weeks, the day before he was born. The midwife told me back then that I would likely feel some cervical pain or discomfort because it had been "irritated", and I did. So maybe I did feel my cervix after all, enough to annoy it a bit? I haven't had any sort of a show since checking, but I'm getting strong Braxton Hicks that are very random and variable in how often they come. When I'm semi-reclining in bed, they come much more frequently because my womb just doesn't seem to like that position in general. Samuel doesn't either, and squirms and moves about if I lie like that, until my womb gets annoyed and I get a strong BH from his movements. I noticed that tonight when I was on the phone to my mum (we have eveningly conversations about the latest progress or lack thereof!) and sitting in that position in bed, he was turning his head from side to side and sort of grinding about with it, and the sharp pain took my breath away and I couldn't talk to my mum while he was doing it, except to say, "Oooh, OW! He's moving his head! OW! Oooh!" etc, hehe! It was like a sharp poker in the unmentionables, and I recognised it as the same kind of "irritated cervix" pain that I had experienced after my sweep with Matthew. If it has helped enough to get things started tonight I will be so glad! :) But I'm not expecting anything to happen.

My lovely midwife, Mandi, is on her night shift tonight (she only works 2 days a week) and we thought that perhaps I had not gone into labour yet because I was subconsciously holding out for Mandi. Weeks ago Heather and I did actually PRAY that we'd get Mandi or Wendy for my birth, because I have met the other midwives on the team and I just don't click with any of them. But I LOVE Mandi (who delivered Benjamin) and Wendy (who stitched me up afterwards!) - they are wonderful, calm, quiet midwives with tons of experience. The others are all too chatty and opinionated, although nice, and tend to cut in on my labour experience with bustling about and so on. Or those I haven't had during labour but I've met since, I feel would not be a calming influence on me during labour. So, when Mandi came on Monday I knew she would be on a night shift on Friday, and hoped (totally believed!) that I would have had the baby by then. She fully expected me to have had him by then too. But here I am, and Mandi is on her shift, and NOTHING is happening, and I'm going to miss having her at my birth! :( So sad about that. I don't know when Wendy is on duty but she only does something like a day or two per week - she's very part-time like Mandi is.

Anyway. If I am STILL not in labour by Monday (urgh, what a thought!) then I will be 41 weeks, and will have a 41-week midwife appointment. Heather said there will be much murmuring about induction and sweeps and so on, and that she would be happy to come over for the appointment for moral support. I'm SO glad to hear that, as I would really appreciate her presence! She said that they likely wouldn't induce me until 40 weeks and 12 days anyway, and I would surely have Samuel by then, but even if I did get that far it wasn't the end of the world. I reminded her that 40 weeks plus 12 days would be CHRISTMAS DAY, and I did not want to be giving birth at Christmas itself! The idea of a Christmas baby just does not thrill me at all - I would really like as much time as possible between Samuel's birthday and Christmas, even just for future years so he can have a birthday that is totally separate to Christmas itself. That means a lot to me for some reason. Also I won't have a doula if I give birth on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or Boxing Day! Which just won't do at all, for me. Especially not with my risk factors. I really feel I NEED Heather there. So I told her this, and she asked, "You'd rather be induced?" and I said, "Well... yes." She said that it would probably only take a little bit of pessary gel anyway to get it all going, but that we didn't need to go thinking about stuff like that yet because I would MUCH more likely be having Samuel sooner than next week.

Anyway, so this is where I'm at! Nearly 5 days past my due date, and no signs of labour yet. So very sore and uncomfy, and with strong Braxton Hicks, but nothing else. All my loose ends are pretty much tied up as of today though, and Neil went out this morning once I was up, and bought the angle-poise lamp and small box heater that they asked us to provide for the homebirth. And a new toilet seat! Ours has a broken hinge. So THAT'S a big thing checked off the list as well. He was also busy making phone calls to car dealerships about an even BIGGER vehicle for our family, hehe! I can't believe the size of the thing we need to buy - will have to write about it at the main blog sometime - but we have actually outgrown our Citroen C8 7-seater, even though there will be 7 of us. The back row is not accessible enough for me to be comfortable with little ones in there, as there are carseats permanently fitted to all the middle row seats so they can't fold forward to allow access to the back row. Anyway, bigger vehicle! I hope we can afford one, because until we do, we can't go anywhere as a family once Samuel is here. There aren't enough working seats in our vehicle to accommodate us (one of the back ones has a broken runner so we don't use it).

I'm getting into waffle mode (mmmm, waffles....) so I had better stop before it gets late! I will update tomorrow with any news! Thanks for the support and cheerleading while I wait! It makes it MUCH more bearable! :)