Well here I am on my due date - well at the end of it actually, since it's 11.30pm! It's always so surreal to get to The Due Date, because it's the one single date on the calendar in the whoooole year that has so much anticipation and excitement, and it's the best part of a year away when you start focusing on it. Slowly, sloowwwwly it gets nearer, and finally - impossibly - you're there! December the 13th is here, TODAY! Another thing to add to the list of totally surreal things I have going, hehe!
So I am not in labour, or pre-labour, or pre-pre-labour, or anything remotely exciting like that! ;) I am uncomfortable and tired, but on the whole really not too bad considering how I've been for the last couple of weeks and the fact that it's Monday so Neil has been at work all day. On the other hand, it's MONDAY so I am better rested than I will be for the rest of the week, having just had a weekend! I hope Samuel decides to come soon because MUCH as I am currently really really reeeeeally not wanting to go through the process of labour and birth, I know it has to happen soon and I would really like to get it over and done with, and not get too exhausted in the run-up to it ideally!
Today has been slow and probably a bit too boring for the boys, but I am trying my best to take it as easy and simple as possible with the days when Neil isn't home. When Benjamin took his nap (for almost THREE HOURS today!!!!) I set the boys up in the kitchen with a DVD (The Tigger Movie), since that's where our TV is these days. We never ever watch TV. The cable stopped working a few months ago and we never got it fixed - but even so it was only Neil watching TV. I never watched it at all (and did not miss it one bit), and we stopped TV for the boys at the end of February - nearly 10 months ago!! :) They have watched TV approximately 3 times since then, while I have cut their hair at the kitchen table. So when they're allowed to watch a DVD they are excited and very focused on what they're watching for the whole time it's on. It's a real treat for them, and I knew it would be a good thing to pull out in the week of my due date! The movie (and extras) was an hour or two long and the house was soooooooo nice and quiet while Benjamin napped, Disney-ish sounds rose and fell from the kitchen and little-boy laughter rang out regularly. I think it made a big difference to how manageable the whole day felt to me. In that time I put my feet up for a short while and checked email and stuff online, and then sat down in the living room and folded a mountain of laundry in the relative quiet. The boys had already tidied the living room completely with the reward of the DVD to anticipate, so the house just felt NICE to be in, even in the middle of the morning! :)
In the afternoon I had a midwife appointment at home for my 40-week check. I was so happy that the midwife was Mandi, who delivered Benjamin! :) I hadn't seen her since, and it was lovely to see her again. She seemed to enjoy seeing Benjamin and couldn't believe how big he was - she recalled a lot of things about his birth. She was amused to hear that I was expecting another boy! ;) The appointment went fine - my blood pressure was 120/72 or something like that, which is nice and normal, though a little higher than my usual. I'd rather it was though, because the lower blood pressure I've been having has made me feel really exhausted. I wonder if my energy was better today with a little extra oomph in my blood vessels?! ;) I didn't have a urine sample but she had forgotten to bring sample pots so we didn't do a urine test today.
It hurt my pelvis a LOT to lie down flat for her to check Samuel, but it didn't take too long. She said he's low down and asked if I'd felt that he'd dropped. Last night I said to Neil that I wondered if Samuel might have dropped a little, for several reasons. One, I was SURE that when I looked at my profile in the full length mirror, I was SMALLER and neater-looking in the bump department than I had been just a day or so before. All through 39 weeks I kept looking in the mirror and thinking, "I really MUST take another picture for the belly gallery!" because I looked HUGE. Huuuuuuuuge. Just sticking out (waaaaaaay out) huge. I had no room under my bra-line - the bump started right there and just went out sooo far! I regret not having taken a photo (I just kept thinking that I'd be taking one in a few days for 40 weeks anyway), because now I look different. Quite a lot different, I think. Another reason for wondering was that although I still have pelvic pain in the same way, something has been different about it for a day or two - I can't even put my finger on it. I brushed it off as just "getting used to it" or something, but I do think I am in less intense pain even though the same pain is there. I know that doesn't make much sense! I seem to be in less trouble doing the things that caused me the most trouble, like getting up and starting to walk, etc. That still causes me a lot of pain and it's hard to do, but there's definitely something not-quite-so-bad that I can't put my finger on about it suddenly. Anyway, that got me wondering out loud to Neil last night. And the other thing is that yesterday I was chatting to Neil about something and casually folded my arms across the top of my bump, and was surprised to discover that there was quite a lot of room for me to do that without squishing my breasts! I could fold my arms UNDER them and still have them resting on top of the bump. That space was not there before. I was FULL. RIGHT. UP. with baby only a couple of days ago. So I wondered to Neil about it. He said he couldn't really tell, but maybe.
So I was happy to hear that I wasn't going crazy, hehe! Samuel is almost engaged - only 2/5 (or maaayyybe 3/5) of his head was palpable above my pubic bone, according to Mandi. When she measured my bump (which has been spot on for dates all along), I measured 38 weeks! :) Yay, he has definitely dropped! I'm also relieved that it hasn't caused my pelvic pain to worsen, which I presumed it would. I mentioned that his movements have slowed down considerably, and she asked if he was still moving at least 10 times a day. He definitely is, so that's reassuring. He seems to barely move at all compared with how he used to wiggle and kick about in there! I know it's because he just has nooooo room left at all now. He shrugs his shoulders and does slight twisting movements with his whole body. Occasionally I feel a knee or elbow or foot push out slightly, but there really isn't much leverage for him to really extend a limb and make much impact on me. From how I'm feeling his movements, he seems almost completely restricted with lack of space - I'm thinking that's got to feel a bit claustrophobic for him?! But I guess that's where the whole thing with him giving off the hormone that kick-starts labour comes in. Once it's more stressful for him in there he will want out, and I am thinking SURELY he is squished enough to want out now?! I'm sure others of my babies were less restricted than Samuel seems to be at this stage. Maybe he's bigger? :S But Mandi said he feels a "normal" size, and that often a big bump with a 5th pregnancy is more an indication of muscles (or lack thereof, haha!) than a bigger baby. We'll see!
Rebecca reminded me on Facebook about guesses! I forgot to ask - anyone want to guess his birth date, time and weight?! I am guessing December 14th (tomorrow!), just because it's the last day in my 9th-14th window and I'll be dumbstruck if the 14th goes by with no baby! Never happened before! But it's TOMORROW so I'm not sure... Anyway, let's say 8.45pm and 8lbs 9oz. That's my vague guess and I promise I have no inside information - I am clueless about when this little boy will arrive or what he'll be like! I can't wait to meet him! :)
Mandi does not think it will be more than 2 or 3 days before he's born. I think she's basing that on the fact that he's dropped a bit (I know it doesn't mean much though), and things TEND to naturally start within a couple of days of my due date. Arthur's labour started 2 days after (but was long and so he wasn't born till 4 days after). Matthew was a week after, but I truly believe that it was down to a horrible heatwave we had the week he was due. As soon as it cooled off he was born. Heather tells me she's sure it's to do with the heat and me not dealing with heat well, that my body waited longer than it usually might. Nathan obviously came early, but not because my body did it naturally. Benjamin was the day after his due date. So I am thinking soon, but it's weird to just have no signs of labour and still think like that!
I remember with Benjamin, Neil took my 40-week belly picture on my due date, before we went to bed for the night - exactly this time last pregnancy. NOTHING was happening. I slept well, and then woke the next morning with a very very strong sense of calm in my womb - nothing happening. Such a strong feeling it was as I lay there before getting out of bed. I just thought, "Hey ho, never mind." and got up and went to the loo, and was so surprised to see a show! Contractions did not start until lunchtime, but he was born at 7.30pm. I remember how surreal it felt to have him in my arms and remember the night before when I looked at the belly picture - how TOTALLY NOTHING was happening and I would never have imagined I'd be holding him by that same time the next day! :) So it's possible that I could be updating this time tomorrow with Samuel snuggled up to me in the bed (I'm in bed right now)! But we'll just have to see.
I have felt very uncomfortable with low pressure and mild crampiness today. Nothing like Friday though. As the day went on I felt tighter and tighter in the small of my back and under my bump at the front, just sore and uncomfy, and that led to a crampy sort of feel, but that's it really. I've been sitting in bed most of the evening with my laptop and really don't feel crampy much at all, just very heavy and pressurey and uncomfy when I stand upright and walk about. The small of my back hurts but not too bad. I have had the usual Braxton Hicks today, perhaps more this evening than usual but still not out of the ordinary. They feel very tight when I get them, but then they generally do.
Neil took a photo of me this evening to put in the belly gallery for 40 weeks - yay! I'm so glad to have taken a picture on my due date - I always like to make sure I get one on that special day! I am facing the other way this time, but I don't think there's much difference from the 37 week picture, because of how he has dropped. I wish I had a 39 week picture. Boy would you see the difference if I did!
I'm anxious and insecure about the upcoming labour and birth. I am trying to stay on top of it by praying and reading out the Scriptures that Heather has had me put up on my wall again, just like I did with Benjamin before he was born. We finished the baby preparations yesterday (Sunday) and that feels GREAT to have accomplished! My room is now ready for Samuel, and also ready to give birth in if that's where it happens. There's no clutter at all (gasp!), nothing in the way, though it is a very small room. I put a new bedside crib together for Samuel yesterday (FUN project for me!) and put freshly washed sheets on it all ready for him. We haven't used a crib before, but this room is too small for the Amby hammock, and Benjamin still needs the cot, so rather than buy another cot, we went for a crib to last a few months until maybe Benjamin will be ready to move into a toddler bed. We do have a Moses Basket but they never last very long for my babies. I think if I swaddle Samuel (we'll see if that works for this baby - it hasn't for some of my others!) he will last longer in it because he won't be whacking the sides with his arms all the time. It is a simple little pine crib, nothing fancy, it doesn't swing or rock. I just wanted something simple and sturdy, and now it's set up at the foot of my bed. Once he's here, I will put it at the side of my bed but if it was there now, it would probably get in the way of the midwives and Heather being able to get near enough to me if I am labouring in here.
Once the room was cleared at last, and Samuel's crib, my hospital bag, and big box of homebirth/postnatal stuff at the foot of the bed, I felt so much better about the space, but something still left me feeling weird and vulnerable in here. The walls felt too bare or something. I kept a Christian wall calendar that we had in 2004 because each page had a 12x12in photo of some BEAUTIFUL scene of nature with a Bible verse on it. Some of those photos were just breathtaking. I got it out and cut out my six favourites, and put them on the wall next to my bed (partly to cover the six sets of holes/wall plugs from the shelves that used to live there! That looked so ugly before!). In between them I put the printed and laminated prayers and Bible verses that I pray through each day about Samuel, and about my labour and birth to come (based on the ones in the book 'Supernatural Childbirth'). Now the room feel more calming to me now. I still have some anxiety and feel insecure over nothing I can put my finger on, but I guess a big hurdle is coming up for me, and I know it. I am not good with "the unknown", and tend to like to be in control of everything! This is good practice for me, at letting God be in control instead! But it's not easy. I still have no idea what will happen during labour or afterwards, or whether I'll be at home or in hospital. Mandi said that we should consider moving our Christmas tree (which is in the wide corner of the stairs - the only place to fit one in our tiny house, and with the added bonus of being behind a kiddie gate so the boys can't tamper with it!) in case I need to be "stretchered down the stairs" as it might get in the way if that happens. Which threw me straight back into mental hyperventilation and panic about the possibility. It's SO HARD to stay on top of the anxiety over it all, ongoingly! I will be so very relieved to get the birth over and done with, just so that I don't have to wait in anxious anticipation any longer - what's done is done, however it turns out. I so don't want to go through it right now, but it will be wonderful to be on the other side, with the unknown having become known, and my sweet tiny in my arms at last.
Well, I will update again soon - tomorrow hopefully, with the day's news or lack thereof! I have another appointment scheduled for 41 weeks next Monday, but Mandi does not expect me to need it (nor do I). Sadly she isn't working again until Friday night, so I probably won't get her again this time :( I am not keen to "wait" until Friday night to have Samuel! That would be a very long and exhausting week, and I'd arrive at the hard bit utterly spent from the week! :S I hope he comes soon!
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