36 weeks, 5 days

Just a post for no particular reason! :) I'm beginning to get that "hard to believe" feeling all the time now. I will reach full term the day after tomorrow! 37 weeks! And tomorrow is MAY!!!! I'm having a baby in May!!! Boy do I hope that will be the case. I do NOT want to hold out until June! On June the 1st I would be 41 weeks and 2 days, which I've never reached before but since I've given birth at 41+0 and 41+1 before, I guess it's a possibility... I don't want to think about that though! I had a membrane sweep at my 41 week appointment both the other times, and gave birth the next day - my appointments were 40w6d, and 41 weeks exactly for those babies. So if I went as far as my 41 week appointment I would sincerely hope to give birth BEFORE May is out! ;) Apart from Nathan, my other babies were born with labour starting by itself (no sweeps) a day or two after my due date. I really hope Elijah will follow THAT pattern! ;)

Samuel is stirring a lot right now (all the boys have had a cold the last few days, and he's wakeful with it, but not toooo bad), so I may have to just leave this entry and go to bed with him in a minute.

I can't think why I'm writing! I have been so bad at keeping up with my blogs, and now I am starting to feel like updating about nothing in particular all the time, lol! I think it's to do with drawing near to the end of the pregnancy, or something. Big changes ahead. My mind is getting more focused on that than anything else now. It's hard to cope with the boys' antics and noise levels, and things that I need to really focus on in daily life. I just can't seem to deal with it so well, and it overwhelms me a lot. This past weekend was the first that I really NEEDED a break from being constantly distracted and surrounded by the children all the time. With 5 little ones and homeschooling, that is a pretty demanding part of my experience of motherhood! But I am used to it, and I love it! Sometimes it drives me a bit crazy, but I still ultimately love it and would never want to do anything else. It never crosses my mind (ever) to send the boys to school. That's a horrible thought to me, because I love having them home with me so very much (even when they drive me crazy, haha!). But this past weekend... I really did NEED Neil to whisk them away to the park or something so that I could have some clear head-space and do some necessary preparations in the house. Unfortunately it was hideous weather - pouring rain and gale force winds the whole time, as it has been for a couple of weeks now. Wouldn't you know, today Neil went back to work and it was sunny! ;)

Anyway, the rain stopped on Sunday afternoon and they did go out. They were climbing the walls anyway. They all have matching waterproof dungarees and raincoats, and wellies! They looks so sweet wearing them! :) Apparently they spent an hour wading through puddles. They have colds!! But they came home soaked even under the waterproof dungarees, shiny eyes, telling me 3 at a time how much fun they had. Neil called me from the park to say when they were leaving and I had a big bubble bath ready for them when they arrived home. They literally walked in the door, stripped off on the way to the stairs and got in the bath! Five muddy little boys in a row in there :) Our bath won't fit six children, even small ones, hehe! I love a bath full of little children - such a picture of BLESSING! :)

While they were out, I got some much needed space to think straight - I'm fuzzier in my head than EVER before, honestly. I can't multi-task any more, which I have always been able to do. I can't remember stuff well! I can't stay focused on more than one thing, which is reeeeeeally hard with lots of little ones asking me different things simultaneously (which happens countless times a day - I need to work on them learning to take turns talking!).

I made a list of everything that needs doing before the baby is born - both  necessary things and things that would be nice to get done. Our back garden fence blew down in the weather so we need to get that sorted. And other mundane stuff like maintaining a clean bathroom, getting the sink fixed (it still leaks at the back, even though a plumber came and tested it and it was fine, of course, while he was here), and dusting and hoovering the bedrooms, etc. Also the biggest thing left to do - moving Samuel into the boys' room. We were supposed to do that TWO weekends ago, but we realised it wouldn't be safe without the safety gate on their bedroom door, and we didn't have an extra one yet. So I bought one online, the same as our kitchen safety gate, and of course it wasn't here at the weekend, so we waited. Then they all came down with a cold and were very disturbed at night. It didn't seem right to move Samuel when he was waking and crying for me many times during the night because he didn't feel well. His best comfort is either breastfeeding, or this thing he does where he sucks his thumb and um, twiddles at me. He's the first who has done this, and I haven't bothered to correct him because I don't mind it really. I would probably mind it more if we were out and about in public more, but we aren't. Sometimes during my pregnancy it has made my skin crawl when he does that, so I haven't let him much, but he definitely is calmed instantly by the twiddling/sucking thumb combo, so it's a useful thing for me to be close to him to offer to breastfeed if he's poorly.

Also, over the weekend, Nathan, Benjamin and Matthew were very disturbed and kept waking up coughing or crying, or too congested to breathe and needing to have help blowing their little noses. Arthur was our starter for this cold during the week so he's well on the mend now, and the others are turning the corner today too. But at the weekend if Samuel HAD been in their room, it would probably have been a pretty disturbed sleep for him with their wakings alone. So we have put it off until NEXT weekend! It's getting awfully close to baby time, to be moving him in such a big way, so it makes me a little uneasy. But then I just keep reminding myself that Nathan came unexpectedly, before we'd got round to moving Matthew with Arthur, so that I could just have Nathan with me at night. Literally, I woke up with Matthew sleeping nearby as always, my waters having just broken, went to the hospital, came home with a baby a couple of days later and never slept in the same room as Matthew again! :( I felt so upset about it, but he was one hundred percent fine, and didn't bat an eyelid at the change. I hope it will go as smoothly for Samuel.

I will miss him terribly when he moves into their room! I am treasuring each night with him, and each morning waking up next to him. One morning last week I woke up with my head propped up higher than usual, because I had trouble getting to sleep (again!) and thought I would try an extra pillow. I was lying on my side facing Samuel, as I always do. He sleeps lower down than the pillows, so it's easy to breastfeed him, and because he's never used a pillow yet. But anyway, I opened my eyes, and it honestly nearly made me start crying to see Samuel's face on the pillow next to mine. He was fast asleep, and his cheek was pressed against mine. I was startled for a second and then I just lay as still as I could, not wanting him to move or wake up, so that I could take in (and desperately try to memorise) such a precious moment. He's such a DARLING little boy, and out of all my boys, my experience co-sleeping with him has been the sweetest. He's an "easy" baby at night, though he still wakes. He's sweet natured, and not a bed-hog or a thrashy restless person. Such a sweet little bed-fellow! I will miss him ever so much! :'(

I got a few things sorted at the weekend which are a relief to get crossed off the list. I washed all the tiny baby clothes, and newborn clothes. I managed to create room for Samuel's clothes in the boys' double chest of drawers, so all of their clothes are together now, which will make it easier when he is part of their room. That freed up the drawers in my room for Elijah's baby clothes, so they are all folded and put away! Yay! Because I had done that, I was able to select all his stuff for the "hospital" bag, and pack it. I had SO much fun doing all the clothing-related stuff! :) Those clothes are soooo tiny and cute! I have packed a ziplock bag of TINY sleepsuits that Nathey wore when he was born. They probably fit up to 6lbs, and they're in a labelled ziplock bag because then they'll be easy to just remove from the hospital bag in a couple of weeks when I know he'll be well past that size, if I happen to go into labour or my waters break earlier than expected. They're just there in case of another "Nathan" experience! ;) I packed 6 vests and sleepsuits in two sizes - up to 7.5lbs and up to 10lbs. Nearly all my babies have not fitted into the up-to-7.5lbs clothing (size Tiny Baby), although Arthur and Matthew did for maybe the first week. I bought plenty of little clothes in that size before having babies, because hello?! I'm LITTLE, and weighed 5lbs 10oz myself when born at full term, lol! I expected little babies, like my mum had had. So I still hope to use those teensy cute little clothes! Nathey wore them, of course! :)

I think Elijah might fit into them, depending on whether he waits an extra week in there, or suddenly puts on a ton of weight in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Anyway, in case he turns out to be another 9+ pounder, the newborn (up to 10lbs) size is there too! ;) I just have to pack a "going home" outfit for me, and things I don't want in the bag yet like camera, money, hair brush, etc. Otherwise I'm pretty much ready with that. I didn't use it the last two times, so I'm hoping not to again! It's a huge help to have it packed even for a homebirth, because everything is in one bag and other people are hunting around for something to dress my new baby in while I'm getting stitches or something, and I don't have to worry about directing them. It's all in there, nappies and the lot.

I also washed the baby car seat cover, which was looking a bit yucky after 13 or 14 months of use with Samuel! I put it back on the car seat today, and then put the newborn insert in, which I haven't had out for ages. I adjusted the straps to newborn height, and oh my GOODNESS, I can't get over how teeny tiny a newborn baby is, just from looking at the little seat area created by the newborn insert and the new height of the straps!!! It's sitting in my room for now, and I can't stop looking at it. I go in there several times a day to put laundry away or put Samuel down for a nap, or whatever, and awwww, I just gaze at it for a while! It's much more tangible than anything else to me so far, that I'm really about to have a tiny new baby. Even the scan didn't do it for me this much, weirdly. The baby clothes do, somewhat. But looking at that little soft space for Elijah's little tiny body to fit into... I see my big round tummy and then look at the car seat, and for once I can REALLY make the connection. It's lovely! :)

What else now? I am feeling big, but I think I am not so big as I have been at 36/37 weeks in some of my pregnancies. Elijah is wiggly, but mostly just moves his bottom and legs, shoving them out so that he can straighten his legs a bit across me. Sometimes he does that so hard that it takes my breath away for a second, and sort of hurts my layers between him and my skin, if that makes sense! Like a deep pinch. He also turns his head occasionally so that it's a sharp grinding sensation very low down. My others have done this, and some of them did it ALL the time, which was very uncomfortable at the end of pregnancy! But Elijah does it very rarely. He seems comfy in there, which is nice! He still gets hiccups, but usually only once a day now, not more. I guess he is needing to practise that less and less? His lungs should be mature now, so I wondered if that's why. On the other hand he may be practising using those muscles just as often, but he's more efficient at it now.

I weighed myself at the weekend. Haven't done that in a while, because I was mainly not looking forward to seeing what I weighed! The last two times I weighed myself (29 weeks, and I can't remember the other time since then), I had gained like 9lbs in 10 days! It's been weeks since I weighed myself so I was kind of not wanting to see a crazy huge weight gain! To my surprise I weighed 11 stone 9lbs, only 4lbs up (I think...) from my last weigh-in, weeks ago. I guess I must have gone through a growth-spurt, or the baby did, back then? Before the first big/quick weight gain, I had been stuffing myself with whatever took my fancy - at the time it was jam doughnuts and chocolate and all sorts of stuff! So I cut right back on all that afterwards, but STILL gained the same amount after that! So after that weigh-in, weeks ago, I just went back to eating what I feel like eating, even if it's tons of chocolate and stuff. And lo and behold, only a few lbs gained. So it can't really be much to do with my diet at all. I think it's just a stage of pregnancy thing, for me.

My total weight gain so far then is about 42lbs. I can't remember my exact gain for other pregnancies, except that I gained 54lbs with Arthur, and 55lbs with Matthew. Nathan came early so I never got a final check on the lbs, but my weight gain was consistent at all the stages of my pregnancy that I'd weighed myself with the other two. I can't remember Benjamin and Samuel... I think I gained LESS, but I had started out heavier than I had with the first three babies, having not lost all my pregnancy weight from the previous pregnancy (several times over!). This time was different because I had a stomach bug and a kidney stone within a month, and my pre-pregnancy weight was lower than it had been when I got pregnant with Matthew. So I think I just gain what I gain. More if I started out lighter, and less if I really had some weight still to lose at the beginning. I guess I will end up with roughly a 55lbs weight gain, like the first two pregnancies, given that my starting weight was about the same as those. I really don't like feeling huge in the first few months postpartum, without the "excuse" of a baby growing in my tummy at the same time! It takes until 6 months PP before it really starts just falling off without changing my diet or activity levels. I TOTALLY plan to exercise this time though. I never do, and I really must!

I had such a vivid dream the other night. It was a birth dream - such an incredibly easy, quick and straightforward birth - unnaturally so, you know how dreams are?! ;) Anyway, the baby had a full set of teeth which were kind of folded over here and there, like they didn't fit. There was a doctor at my homebirth (?!) and he examined the baby and said he thought it had a genetic syndrome. The genitals were mostly male (hence the "it's a boy!" at the scan) but looked like a cross between genders. That's when the storyline changed in the dream so that my baby was carried by me but from a donor egg, and I had no idea that there was a chance of anything genetically wrong with the baby until that moment. I was so scared, because I had no idea whether it was the kind of syndrome that would mean that the baby would have a very short life expectancy. And I didn't know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and I was scared to call it one way or the other in case I was wrong. I loved the baby so much! I woke up before anything more was known about it, and it just disturbed me all that day, and still comes to mind today. Weird...

I am starting to find myself thinking about my past birth experiences a lot lately. I just find myself day dreaming about it, or I don't even know what I'm absent-mindedly thinking about, say while I am nursing Samuel to sleep for his nap, until I realise I feel kind of out of breath in a stressy sort of way, and that's when I notice I have been going through the transition/birth part of my labour with Samuel in great detail, as though reliving it in my mind. It isn't a stressful memory, thankfully! I have been blessed with two recent lovely birth experiences, which I am so glad about because the previous ones had left me scared of any future ones! Samuel's was the best birth I have experienced yet, and I am so hoping and praying for another like it, or even more wonderful! :)

Anyway, I must go to bed! It's so late, but for some reason I just sort of NEEDED to come and waffle here for a bit before going to bed. I haven't been sleeping too well again lately. A bit better than a week or so ago when it was ridiculous and I couldn't sleep until like 4am. But still it is taking me an hour or so to get to sleep, and my Restless Leg Syndrome kicks in ('scuse the pun) and drives me nuts so that I can't sleep after that for a bit longer. I am beginning to wonder if I'm deficient in magnesium. I have my usual weird cravings that I get at the end of pregnancy (all except Arthur's pregnancy), for diesel fumes and toothpaste and bubble bath and pine floor cleaner, and things like that. This time I am pining away for rain-soaked mud. Seriously. That's a new one. It smells sooooo good! I mean, it DOES smell good, but I have such an urge to chew on it and get the texture between my teeth, and suck out the goodness (the non-existant goodness, that is). I don't! Of course! But I am distracted by the desire to a lot. That's pica, an unnatural craving, not uncommon in pregnancy, and usually tied to an iron deficiency. My iron is fine, so I wondered if it was another mineral. Apparently Restless Leg Syndrome, insomnia and even kidney stones are caused by magnesium deficiency, and there's a longer list than that, all of which applies to me. So I wonder... I am not sure how to go about getting tested for mineral deficiencies, and unsure about taking supplements - especially with the whole postpartum haemmorrhage "issue", magnesium being a muscle relaxant. Taken with calcium, that should counter the muscle relaxing aspect, but I still get nervous, not really knowing anything about supplementing, and fiddling about with levels that I don't actually KNOW about, during pregnancy, with alleged increased risk of PPH.

Anyway. I must go to bed!!!! I'm sure I'll be back soon! :)

36 week belly pictures

Just a quick post to get my 36 week belly pictures up! I knew I would never remember to get them done once the weekend began, so I grabbed the small point-and-shoot camera to set the timer upstairs, and Arthur saw me and wanted to know what I was doing. When I told him, he was soooo insistent on taking the photos for me, so I let him! :) So these belly pics are not like my usual ones - they're sort of "real life", hehe!

He never let me know when he was about to take a photo, just snapped away! ;) There were lots of MUCH less flattering ones, one of Samuel clinging to my legs pulling my trousers down, and several blurry ones, but these ones are fine and show my bump's shape and size pretty well! :)

That is all! I will be back to update again soon. Arthur's cold is passing off okay, Samuel has just started with a runny nose, and Matthew and Nathan have sore throats (Nathan is quite miserable just now), but Benjamin is cheerfully declaring himself symptom-free so far! Hopefully we'll all get it over and done with quickly and NOT catch anything else close to Elijah's birth...

36 weeks, 1 day

36 weeks!!! Starting to feel so very "at the end of pregnancy" now! :) Six days until I reach full term, which is just an astounding thought to me right now. I can't believe I'm here, that I'm really arriving at the very end of another pregnancy, on the verge of adding someone new and permanent to our family. It seems to have gone so very fast, but in other ways I can also see how the months have ticked by in a more detailed way. It is still definitely my fastest pregnancy yet though! :) I can't BELIEVE I can have a homebirth in 6 days time! Not that I will of course, but I could, because I'd be actually at that "ready" stage of pregnancy for such an event. So surreal!

With Nathan, he was already 2 days old by now. Today, the boys all gathered round the computer while we looked through the folder of photos from Nathan's first week after he arrived. In one or two of the photos at the hospital, Nathan was wearing a little sleepsuit with blue and white dogs on it, and for the past couple of years, the boys have had that sleepsuit in the toy basket because it perfectly fits the bigger of the two dolls in there. We had the sleepsuit next to the computer while we looked at the pictures, just to give them a bit of perspective. They couldn't believe how tiny Nathey was when he was born, and to hold up the sleepsuit made it even more unbelievable to them, that he ever fit in it! It was nice to be able to show them something tangible to help them visualise how big and developed Elijah is right now. They only see a smooth round tummy and can't really picture a baby inside. Sometimes that's how *I* feel as well! ;) This photo of Nathan reeeeally brings it home to me though - taken at what would have been 36 weeks and 1 day (today):



He was 5lbs 13oz at birth, and from the growth scan and Elijah's percentile measurements last week, I would guess that Elijah is probably more like half a pound lighter than Nathan was, at this stage anyway. But wow. How's that for a reality check?! ;) An exciting and lovely one too!

I have yet to take a belly picture for 36 weeks, but here's my 36 week belly picture for Nathan's pregnancy (tomorrow's gestation):



Amaaaaazing. I'm really really really going to have a baby!!!! I have been looking back over Nathan's baby photos - ones I haven't seen for ages, of his early weeks. Just random ones are my favourites, of things like him on my chest with an absolutely trashed living room in the background. Or breastfeeding. Ohhh there's one of me holding him sitting upright on my lap (taken by me with my free hand from behind him), with his little chin supported by my hand with a terry towel over it. I was burping him after a feed. There's something about the soft newborn hair on the back of his head, and the tiny-ness and just the tender moment of burping such a dependent little baby... It was taken when he was 5 weeks old, I think, so around when he was due, and probably weighing about 8.5lbs by then, or so. Oh my heart melted when I saw that picture, and without even thinking about it I began to just praise God with basically ALL my inmost being, for blessing me AGAIN - I get to do this AGAIN! I can't believe it, I am just speechless with joy and awe that I am allowed to look forward to being mummy to a tiny newborn baby again soon, and have all this precious wonderful stuff to do again - the breastfeeding, the snuggles on my chest, the feeling of a tiny back under my hand as I burp him.... I just. can't. waaaaaiiiit!! I feel so excited, like the best Christmas and birthday rolled into one is coming! :D How I wish I didn't have to stop having babies.

Well, with the end of the pregnancy drawing near, I am beginning to find that I'm slowing down a bit. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Things that are run-of-the-mill and usually happen everyday without enormous stress, are this week totally overwhelming to me. Bickering little ones, climbing toddlers, complaining children, wees over the back of the toilet seat, broken items that should never have been found and played with, etc, etc - the usual stuff that is part of a normal mother-of-many's daily life. These things are not usually overwhelming at all any more, and I am certainly used to them, but the slightest one of these things just about does me in right now - well, today and yesterday for sure. I am VERY tired, having been struggling greatly with insomnia for a while. But it does feel like a deeper "issue" than just tiredness, however great the tiredness might be. It feels like something else alongside it. I am thinking it's "just hormones" - the ones that are getting to overdrive by the end of pregnancy, along with the accumulation of physical stuff that is inevitable by the last month of pregnancy!

I am in relatively little pain and discomfort from my back which is great! Still hardly ANY pubic bone pain this pregnancy to speak of, which amazes me considering how bad that was in my first two pregnancies! I'm so thankful. One night this week I went to bed with the boys - got into my pyjamas and brushed my teeth when the boys did the same. It was so weird doing that! I'm such a night owl in any case, so it was odd! I was just SO tired out, and still was unable to sleep until after 4.30am the night before, and yet seemed to feel like I'd taken a sleeping pill for all the daylight hours that exist. I have to really fight dropping off to sleep during the day, and then can't sleep at all at night, even when I'm exhausted. I felt quite sick with exhaustion that night that I was unable to sleep until so late, it was just so daft and I became upset and tearful about it for a good while in the small hours of the morning. So frustrating! So I went to bed right after putting the boys to bed. I probably got into bed (while it was still just about light!) at 8.30pm ish, and then was so pleased to fall asleep maybe half an hour later! I woke at 11.45pm and then Samuel was a bit wakeful for maybe 30 minutes, and I was feeling wide awake and worried that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again until many hours later, but I DID sleep after he settled, and woke again about 3.15am, settled Samuel (quickly) and slept again until 5 or 6. I was a bit wakeful after that but I was so relieved to have been in bed all those hours and got maybe 9-10 hours of sleep, albeit with some wakings. I felt so much better for it when I got up, and part of that was just the mental relief over the stress of not being ABLE to sleep. I finally proved that I could, and that was a relief in itself.

I haven't had another early night like that since, but the last two nights I have fallen asleep within about 30 minutes of going to bed, and slept pretty well with whatever wakings Samuel has had, thrown in there. So, more back to normal, which is lovely! I still feel so tired! I feel physically under "duress", shall we say (!!), just moving about. Getting up and down from sitting or lying down, I just feel so heavy and like moving is hard work in my pelvis. Straightening up and bending even, feels awkward and uncomfortable in my pelvis. I am getting more ligament pains this week in my sides, and they are lasting quite a long time sometimes. There just feels like a lot of weight pulling on my bump now, and into my pelvis, and it's not awfully comfortable.

Elijah is wiggly and squirmy, and occasionally gives me a hefty kick (not sure how he has the room to pull back and deliver one of those in there!) which takes my breath away. He is so much stronger now! I love to feel his sweet little feet sweeping across my tummy from the middle above my tummy button, over to my right side. His back is almost always against my left side, so his feet push about in the middle or to my right side. He still gets a lot of hiccups, several bouts a day usually, though it's definitely coming down from the last few weeks where he would typically get 6 bouts a day. Such a good boy getting his little lungs ready by practising using his breathing muscles! :) When he gets hiccups, I rub my bump and pat it gently, and tell him what a good boy he is and use his name a lot when I talk to him. I find that I automatically call him 'Lijah a lot, as it just rolls off the tongue that way, though I don't particularly plan on NOT calling him Elijah. When I am feeling mushy towards him, 'Lijah is what I use :) I just can't wait to hold and kiss this sweet little baby manny!

Today (and somewhat yesterday as well), I have had my first proper strong Braxton Hicks contractions. This is my FIRST pregnancy where I really haven't had many Braxton Hicks contractions! I think this is normal, this pregnancy. I have always had frequent strong BHs that could be timed like labour contractions, in my other pregnancies, and which would last for hours until I wondered if I should call someone (and did, once or twice) - from much earlier in my pregnancies than this. That was MY norm, but I'm not sure it's THE norm, you know?! Anyway, this time I am thankful that I have had a much quieter time with my womb. I have been having BHs for a long time, but far and few in between, and always pretty mild. I would be aware of the sensation and could sometimes feel the contraction if I put my hand on my bump, but sometimes not much. Today I have really had some that have made my bump go rock hard and have been uncomfortable to wait out - much more like the "norm" of my other pregnancies. I also found a little bit of (NOT bloody) mucus plug today when I went to the toilet, so I guess things are tentatively starting to gear up towards the end of pregnancy.

In some ways I am getting a bit nervous about impending birth again, but I think I probably have the best and most relaxed mindset towards birth that I ever have before - probably thanks to a couple of really lovely birth experiences now, and a great doula! :)

It's late and I'm sure I could write a lot more (and have probably forgotten a ton of things I wanted to say), but I should get to bed. Arthur is full of cold today, and Samuel sounded snuffly and upset when I settled him about an hour ago, so we could alllll be about to come down with colds, and I should get myself some rest while I can! I will try to update again soon, and also TRY not to forget the 36 week belly pic (which may have to be a cropped "belly only" picture if I am streaming with cold by then! ;) ).

35 weeks, 4 days

I am finally updating about my growth scan! :) Such a lot seems to have happened since then, but it was only last week!

Heather was able to come with me, and we had no waiting at all when we got there, it being early. The sonographer was LOVELY - she kept referring to bits of Elijah as, "Here's his gorgeous little tummy... and here's a lovely little foot..." ;) So sweet! Elijah is FINE. I may have been measuring 32 weeks, bump-wise, but Elijah's measurements - taken from his thigh bone, head circumference, and abdominal circumference - were perfectly normal! :) They were just below average for his gestation, and ranged from 34 weeks and 2 days, to 34 weeks and 5 days (I was 34 weeks and 6 days pregnant at the time). I am sure I saw her enter 33 weeks and 5 days for one of his measurements, but on the report that isn't there, so maybe not. Anyway, he's FINE. She entered his measurements on the computer at the end of the scan and it gave her an estimated weight for him - 4lbs 15oz. That puts him in a healthy range for a baby at his exact gestation, below the 50th percentile (below average, but perfectly normal). I am REALLY hopeful that Elijah might well be a smaller baby just by his build, than his brothers! Well, than the last two brothers, anyway! ;)

It was so lovely to see him!!! He hasn't got much room in there. His body was completely "hugged" by my womb - something I haven't really seen before because I don't tend to have any reason for late scans. I did have one with Samuel to check on that succenturiate lobe of my placenta (that never materialised!) but I don't remember much focus on the baby that time. This time I could see so clearly. He was sort of loosely curled up, with his little knees straight out in front of him and his arms curled so that he had his hands to his mouth the whole time. We saw his sweet little feeties (very happy to see that they are straight and not curly, yay!). And such a round little tummy! I could see his stomach was full, and his bladder was full as well - good signs! :) Drinking and peeing well! I could see his kidneys, and his dear little heart beating away. She showed me his face, straight on. He did a big yawn which I didn't recognise until she said, "There's a big yawn!" Awwww, soooo sweet! And he sort of rubbed his face sleepily. He didn't do much wiggling around at all, probably because he wasn't in an active awake stage at the time of the scan. He didn't really do that until after we finished at the hospital.

When he had done his yawn and was relaxed again, she paused a while and I got to really look at his face. It's so grainy which makes it impossible to REALLY tell what he looks like, but his face shape reminds me of Nathan - sort of heart-shaped. I could be wrong though. The sweetest thing was that his head was low down at the narrowest part of my womb (good boy!), and his cheeks were literally smooshed together by his restricted space, so that his mouth was pursed a little from it! That was probably my most heart-melting moment of the scan, seeing his sweet little cheeks all squashed up! The sonographer pointed it out, saying how sweet it was! :) I couldn't tell anything else, like whether he has lots of hair (he'll be the first NOT to, if he doesn't, lol!). I loved seeing the bones in his legs soooo clearly, when she did the measurements. They look so big and sturdy now, and it seemed surreal to look at them for some reason. It was also more than obvious that he's definitely a little boy! It looked like he had a pear between his legs, hehehe! When baby boys are born, their scrotums are usually enlarged and a dark purple or red colour, due to maternal hormones. It resolves pretty soon - I can't remember how long exactly. I guess Elijah has got to that stage of hormonal influence! ;) I never did see his lil willy-bit, but I couldn't miss his scrotum, lol!

How lovely it was to have an estimated weight for him, even now while I'm still pregnant with him! I've never had a little nugget of information like that with any of my other babies, so it was fun. I know it's very approximate really - 10% margin of error. But I'll take it as accurate for now - I might as well. It seems to be backed up by his measurements and the opinion of various midwives who palpate my tummy and comment on his size, so I'll go with 4lbs 15oz (over 5lbs by now!). I didn't get any scan pictures, because I guess it wasn't that kind of scan - normally I have to pay £3 for two photos ahead of the scan, and that wasn't an option with the growth scan. I was just happy to see him, and thrilled that he seems fine in there! The sonographer said another thing that might make my bump seem smaller is reduced amniotic fluid, so she measured a pocket of amniotic fluid to check how much he has in there. He has plenty! :) The amount was around the 90th percentile, so more than the average 35 week baby swims in. She couldn't explain why I'm measuring smaller, but was very reassuring.

Then we went to the Day Assessment Unit and saw a brilliant midwife who asked if it was my first baby as she read my notes, and when I said, "No, my sixth." she didn't bat an eyelid, just said, "Are they making a fuss because you want a homebirth and it's your sixth baby?" and I said, "Yes!" She nodded knowingly! ;) She also checked my urine sample results from the last antenatal appointment (where it was +++ leukocytes) and it had come back completely normal! Yay! :) In the end it was really quick and I didn't have to be examined or even do another urine sample - because the scan was normal they just filled in my notes, asked me some questions about the baby's movements, and then we went home! While I waited at DAU, Heather went upstairs to the maternity unit and found the head of community midwives. She told her that I had been told I would have an appointment with the head of midwifery at the hospital (after my 32 week appointment with the consultant) but that nothing had happened. She told her that I would probably rather see her (the head of community midwives) anyway, and so Jackie (the aforementioned head of CMs!) agreed to phone me later in the day and arrange to come to my house later in the week!!! Heather's BRILLIANT!!! :D

She did phone that afternoon, and she sounded soooooo lovely, just as Heather said she was. Heather had told me that I needed to see Jackie because she's lovely, and because she will be totally supportive of my wishes and make all the other sources of stress go away for me. She was sure the head of midwifery was lovely too, but didn't know how supportive she would be compared with Jackie. She knows Jackie well. Anyway, Jackie arranged to come round on Wednesday - the next day - but Heather ended up having to go to a client whose waters had broken. I really wanted Heather with me, so I asked Jackie if I could reschedule and she was very accommodating. She asked if I had a favourite midwife. I said Mandi, because Mandi delivered Benjamin and Samuel and she's such a wonderful midwife! Jackie said she would find a time when their schedules coincided and bring Mandi with her!

So they came on Friday, and Heather came too. Neil could not get time off work to whisk the boys away for us to discuss birth risks, etc, without them listening in, so I decided we would have that discussion upstairs in the boys' bedroom. I put a Christmas DVD on for the boys - they LOVE their Christmas DVDs but I don't tend to get them out if it's not somewhere near Christmas, so I knew it would keep them rivited the whole time it was on, and that was important! ;) I got them a snack each and a drink, and set the DVD going while everyone else went up to the bedroom with a cup of tea. They were SO good, all 5 of them, and I am so proud of them! We ended up talking for over an hour, and their DVD lasted 35 minutes. They played soooo nicely for the rest of the time in the living room, and Heather checked on them two or three times to see if they were okay. We could hear them pretty clearly as our house is tiny. One time Arthur called out, "Heather, Samuel's got your handbag!" and she went and rescued it from him. I heard her say to them, "You're being so good, and I'm SO proud of you all!" They ADORE Heather so I know their little chests must have puffed out with pride and joy at her compliment, and they were ever so well behaved until we finished our discussion upstairs. The midwives commented on their behaviour and I felt so proud of my boys! :)

So the discussion went wonderfully. The whole morning was just so so wonderful and such an immense relief - I was surprised at how physically relieved I felt afterwards - that I just wanted to smile and skip about all afternoon, lol! Seriously. I guess I was more stressed about the issues at hand than I had even realised. Mandi was going to do a routine antenatal check but I wanted to get the discussion out of the way first, in case there was trouble downstairs. The first thing Jackie said was that there is no statistical evidence to show or prove that grand multips (women who have had 5 or more babies) are at greater risk than anyone else of postpartum haemmorrhage. She said, "I just want to tell you that straight off so you can relax a bit!" and it really was SUCH a relief to hear! She had brought lots of printouts of the hospital guidelines, and the most recent information they work from. Also information on Group B Strep and statistics, and protocol for the management of grand multips in labour and especially in relation to the 3rd stage of labour. Hospital protocol is that they have a managed 3rd stage and a canula put in their hand ON ARRIVAL in preparation for the risk of haemmorrhage! Yikes! That would unnerve me, and also be really uncomfortable for labour and birth! The same piece of paper then stated that there is no known increased risk of haemmorrhage for grand multips! ;) I asked Jackie, if I were to choose a hospital birth, would I need to follow hospital protocol (I don't want to!), and she said they absolutely can not make me do anything I don't want to. They would strongly advise me to, but I am NOT at increased risk, and I can perfectly well say no. They would probably fuss about it but "they would get over it"! ;) She reminded me that doctors in hospitals always see the blackest part of any situation - they never see the normal births, and their whole job is to spend their time being called from one complicated birth to another, witnessing all the things that CAN go wrong. Their view of birth is very coloured. She said I shouldn't worry about doctors fussing over risks, because it's their job, and if I know where I stand and what my personal risks actually are, I can confidently say no to anything I'm not happy with, and relax and let them come to terms with my decision.

She asked me what I wanted, and I said, "I want to have my baby at home, and I want to let the cord stop pulsating and deliver the placenta naturally, and I don't want anyone to fiddle about with me during the process." ;) Jackie just nodded, completely understanding. She was brilliant. She made extensive notes of all the things I said, and said she would take action on various things I mentioned about the last antenatal appointment I had, and also the consultant appointment. She asked if I WANTED to see the consultant as planned at 36 weeks, and I said that I didn't think he would say, "Fantastic! Great choice!" (they laughed!) when I told him I was having a homebirth, and I thought he would just start going over the risks again with me, and I didn't want to hear that stuff again. She said she would talk to him and cancel the appointment for me. I told her that the midwife I saw for my 34 week appointment wouldn't make a home visit appointment for me at 36 weeks, like they do when you're booked for a homebirth. She said that "we'll see if you're having a homebirth first, after your consultant appointment" which I really didn't like, because it's MY choice, surely?! Instead, she made me an appointment for the following week at 37 weeks, but when I asked her if she would come to my home for that appointment, she said that I should come to her in the community that time, and then if I WAS going to have a homebirth she would do the home visit (pre-homebirth) appointment at 38 weeks. I really wasn't happy about that. When I talked to Jackie about it, she said Mandi will phone me on Monday (tomorrow) and arrange to come out to me and do the pre-homebirth visit at 37 weeks, and I would not have to go out to any more appointments - they would all be done at home from now on. I was so relieved! :) She is cancelling the 37 week appt in the community for me. Phew!

We discussed a lot more in detail about Group B Strep and postpartum haemmorrhage, but I can't remember all of it and it's late and I'm EXHAUSTED at the moment, so suffice to say it was all very reassuring and I feel very happy with the outcome. Heather mentioned that I had done observations on my last two newborns after homebirths (for early signs of GBS disease) for the first 24 hours - the same as they would do if the baby was in hospital under observation. I took their temperature, pulse and respirations every 2 hours, I think, for the first 24 hours or so. Heather told Jackie I had done nursing and was very able to monitor these things, so Jackie said she would send Mandi with one of their clinical observation charts to make it easier for me to record Elijah's obs in the first 24 hours after he's born. I do carry Group B Strep, and there is a teeeensy tiny risk to my newborns therefore (less than 0.1 percent, mind you! Pretty tiny!), so I am careful to do the appropriate observations on them as they would get from a midwife or nurse in the hospital, when I don't have antibiotics during labour. They did say that if I went into hospital it would be unlikely that I would get antibiotics in time anyway, since my labours are quite quick now.

So far my babies have been very well protected from any risk of picking up GBS during birth, because (apart from Nathan and Arthur, when I DID have antibiotics during labour anyway) my waters tend to break literally as the head is crowning, so they are protected almost completely anyway. They could only be more protected by being born in the caul (inside the intact bag of amniotic fluid), so that's a good start for them.

Mandi then did an antenatal check for 35 weeks. She didn't measure my bump! ;) Elijah's heartrate was good and we listened to it for a while. He is head down but floating nice and high and free right now, nowhere near engaged. She said he feels smaller to her than my last two babies, for sure. She also said that he feels like he's a little bit posterior right now, so I should spend lots of time on my hands and knees (oh joy). He's very wiggly a lot of the time, and it's not very comfortable any more! I still love it though! :) I did a urine sample which was perfect, and my blood pressure was 100/60 - great! :)

Jackie said maybe it would be helpful if we have a birth plan, and Heather said that I have one that she can print out (same as last time). But Jackie said she meant it might be helpful to have a detailed birth plan for any eventuality, which is put together by me AND the midwives, so that it's very clear any easy for anyone to understand my decision and wishes, from a perspective that doctors and midwives would "get". I was so happy with that idea! So when Mandi comes next week, she will do my homebirth assessment thingy, another antenatal check, and write my birth plan with me. Hopefully Heather will also be able to attend. I'm now SO looking forward to the rest of my appointments before Elijah is born! :) I love seeing Mandi because of her special connection with me, having delivered my last two babies.

So this week (36 weeks) I have no appointments. Then I have one at 37 weeks, and I'm supposed to see my GP for the 38 week appointment, apparently. I told them that it wouldn't be ideal to have to go to that one (either to take all the kids with me, or to get someone to watch them while I go), so they are going to do a home visit instead! And then the next appointment after that is my due date appointment! Getting so near to the end of my pregnancy now! :)

Lately I have been sleeping so badly. I just can't get to sleep! And then my legs start up (Restless Leg Syndrome) - it can get so awful that I literally consider taking a meat tenderiser to my thighs, lol! Except not lol, because I am absolutely desperate by then. And I don't have a meat tenderiser, so there's no real risk there! It's just the most horrid feeling, and I want to rip my limbs off and jump on them for some relief, seriously. The only relief I can find is pain - to force the muscle until it hurts is a much nicer feeling, but I can't stress my pelvis by stretching like that, so I am stuck with it until it eases off. Which can take hours and hours. The more tired I get, the worse my RLS is - that's the same when I'm not pregnant as well. When not pregnant, my best chance is to lie on my tummy and fidget my feet until I fall asleep. If I'm on my back or sides, no chance. So of course I am completely unable to do that with a huge baby bump! ;) I can't fathom why I'm so awake in bed when I'm so exhausted. I just can't sleeeeeep! Until like 2 or 3 or even 4am, and then I have 5 littles to look after the next day, and school to do, and the usual end-of-pregnancy exhaustion. And THEN the same thing happens that night. And the next. And the next. I think I am on the 6th night in a row now, and last night I felt ill when I went to bed at 10.30pm. I just felt nauseated as anything, and weak and woozy, only the feeling didn't ease for lying down and resting. The nausea got bad enough so that it was the REASON I couldn't relax enough to sleep, and I ended up not sleeping until after 3am, urrrrgggghhh! It's the MOST annoying thing!!!! Today Neil let me sleep in (he does every day that he's not off to work) to catch up a bit, though I got up with Samuel at 7ish for a little bit - I went back to bed for a couple of hours after that.

I have been working on a "to-do" list this weekend - the first one I've made in preparation for Elijah's arrival! So exciting to be getting to that stage! :) I did a few things on the list yesterday, but when I was trying to get a few things done today, I just came over feeling ill again like last night. Just absolutely breathlessly exhausted to my very core, nauseous and weak and woozy. Food, water, rest, etc, none of that really made any difference, and it was frustrating, not to mention really not nice to feel that way! I recognised it from the time last year when I had been pretty much flat on my back for a month or so with a kidney stone obstructing my right kidney, and then once it was all resolved I went and spent the day walking round a big zoo with the family. I suddenly came over feeling very unwell and almost unable to walk for exhaustion, out of nowhere. It was exactly this feeling, only worse, and sitting down and resting, or having a drink or something sugary made not-the-slightest-difference. I think it hung around for a week and I went to the doctor. He said that my blood count was fine, and I was probably just exhausted and needed to give it time and rest up. I can't remember how long it took but I don't think it was all that long before I started to feel better again. Anyway. I have also had this feeling a few times when I have overdone it and got really exhausted - the main memory of it is when I was using all my energy trying to switch the boys to the other bedroom when I was 28 or 30 (or something) weeks pregnant with Samuel. I ended up exhausted, hugely emotional, and feeling unwell and breathless even lying down. I also had a TON of frequent regular Braxton Hicks contractions, and that's something I seem to have had with all my pregnancies, so it's really noticable that I HAVEN'T had any of that at all this pregnancy. I do get Braxton Hicks contractions, but just the odd one here and there, and I can go a day or so without noticing one. It used to be, in other pregnancies, that it would be normal for me to have a period of time every single evening where I had BH contractions every 2-4 minutes, quite regularly, and they would feel pretty strong as well. It's so nice not to have had that this pregnancy. I'm sure they'll increase in the next few weeks, but it's nice not to have that "concern" over them earlier on.

Anyway. We did make some progress, and because Neil was home, I was able to just crash on the floor and not move, feeling horrid. I think if he had been at work I would still have had to do just that, because I just felt unable to get up and I felt so sick with it. I will try to take it easy (ish!) this week while he's at work. I don't want to feel like this with nobody here to help me with the boys, and Neil is out for 11.5 hours every weekday, so it's no good feeling awful from 2 hours into the day! If I have to, I could skip doing school but I really don't want to have to do that.

Neil got the newborn and tiny baby size clothes down from the loft today!! I LOVE that moment, each pregnancy! :) Because I didn't feel well, I decided not to open the boxes and sort through the clothes, because I wouldn't get to enjoy it so much. I love that moment of getting all those teensy little clothes out and cooing and squealing over each item, unfolding and re-folding them, and then putting them in the wash to make ready for the new baby! Never gets old. I will do it when I have a moment and am not feeling overly exhausted or unwell, then I can enjoy myself. Hopefully that moment will come before too long, as I want to get them washed in good time! Nathan was born 2 days from now, at the gestation I am now! Yikes! We were not ready then - I didn't know where the baby clothes even WERE in the loft, let alone have them down, cooed over, and washed ready for him!

This weekend I cleared some of the stuff in my room, and Neil took up the boxes of baby clothes that have been sitting around for many months - that has left lots more space to sort and clear further stuff. I found my hospital bag and started packing it today. My packing list is getting shorter each baby, and less fussy too! ;) I really find that I hardly need anything of the huge list I made for my first few babies! So it's easier to pack and fits into a smaller bag too. A Tesco delivery arrived today (food mainly) and I had ordered newborn nappies and cotton wool with great excitement! :) It was sooooo exciting to receive those! I put a pack of nappies and two packs of cotton wool in the hospital bag. Also maternity pads which came with the Tesco order, and the usual dextrose energy sweets that I keep on hand (but haven't used the last two times, I don't think?). I have packed some toiletries and stuff, and also a baby blanket and towel. I just need to pack camera and money (not until the last minute), clothing for me (which I'm wearing still!) and Elijah's baby clothes when they are unboxed and washed. So I have the bag half packed already! :)

Neil put two boxes of maternity clothes in the loft - a sure sign that pregnancy is nearing its end! ;) They are all too small for me now, and I have probably a boxful of maternity clothes left in my drawers which still fit, and which I will likely wear for a while after the baby is born. He finally found my sewing machine in the loft and brought it down - I have wanted it for AGES!!!! There are a few things I want to sew before Elijah arrives - not to do with Elijah himself, just things like making patches to sew on the knees of a LOT of pairs of jeans. I have been doing a few by hand but it's taking me forever without a sewing machine, and Arthur and Matthew no longer have any jeans without holes in the knees! Some with just one knee torn, others with both. Either way, I need to do a lot of patching, and pretty soon I will not have the time to do so for a while. With the sewing machine I can whizz them off pretty quickly, I think.

We were supposed to move Samuel to the boys' bedroom this weekend, but things weren't quite ready in the bedroom - I realised we need a safety gate on the boys' bedroom door to keep Samuel safe, and we don't have one spare. So I bought one online today, and hopefully it'll be here before next weekend. Also some minor decluttering needed doing, and I need to figure out where on earth I'm going to store Samuel's clothes in that room! They need to move out of the chest of drawers in my room to make way for Elijah's tiny little clothes, and I just haven't thought it through! Anyway, more to the point, I was reeeeally struggling with the idea that Samuel was having his last sleep next to me, last time waking up next to him, etc. I'm relieved to have him in my bed for a few more nights at least! I DO think I need the better sleep that will likely come from having the bed(room) to myself again for a few weeks, but oh how I will miss that dear little beep next to me!

We'll do the big move with him either mid-week when the gate has arrived, or next weekend if Neil prefers, since he will now be the one dealing with the majority of Samuel's night wakings - moving means night-weaning, although I have been intentionally not offering him milk at night when he wakes this past week. He seems very happy with just sucking his thumb, but he likes to "twiddle" while he does so, and isn't so happy if I don't let him! Not sure what alternative Neil will come up with for that one! ;)

Anyway. I don't feel too good. I am going to bed, and hopefully will manage to zonk out to sleep immediately and have a marvellous refreshing sleep, with Samuel also sleeping like a log all night! ;) Can't remember when all that last happened, but there's a chance, hey?!

34 weeks, 4 days

I'm a bit late updating on the midwife appointment on Friday (was it Friday?! It's only Sunday now, but it feels like ages ago!). It was just a routine appointment - no blood tests or anything - for 34 weeks.

Neil had booked Friday off work for a long weekend, because of the appointment, so that he could take the boys out to the park so I didn't have to take them all with me to the appointment. I haven't had to take the boys to a SINGLE antenatal appointment this pregnancy, and I'm so grateful! It isn't easy to lug a couple of children to appointments when pregnant, and just so much harder when there are this many more of them! We arranged at the beginning of my pregnancy that if he possibly could, Neil would book a half day or full day of his holiday time on an appointment day. If he couldn't, we have had the blessing of being able to ask Heather if she could watch the boys at home while I go to an appointment (I would never have thought to, but she offered - we haven't had to take her up on it yet though). It's nice to add an extra day to the weekend, or to break up the week if it's a Wednesday appointment. There haven't been all that many actually. I seem to be offered fewer and fewer opportunities to see the midwife with every pregnancy! They are getting shorter staffed every time I have another baby, and the community team here are very stretched right now :( But I guess I'm making up for it by having to see the consultant more often. *sigh*

Anyway! I went for a wee before leaving the house, which I regretted straight away as I remembered I would need to do a urine sample when I arrived. But oh well! I managed a tiny sample - enough to test with - but I usually take care to make them "mid-stream" samples and this time I couldn't because I didn't have enough.

The first thing the midwife did was test my urine, and she said that I had some leukocytes in it. I just said, "Oh yes, that happens to me a lot." It's really common for me to have leukocytes (white blood cells) and protein in my urine, even though that isn't apparently normal. I've often had that from childhood, and they always send the sample off for testing (as it can indicate infection) but it never grows anything. Anyway there was no protein, just leukocytes. She asked me if I had had any pain on passing urine or anything like that, and I said no. She said she thought she would send it off for testing anyway, and I said okay. Then she said there were 3 pluses of leukocytes in there!!! Yikes! That's about as much as a test stick can show - that's not the usual trace (or a bit more) of leukocytes that I'm used to! So I really really REALLY hope it's not the start of a urine infection. She told me to drink plenty of fluids to flush it out before it got hold. Later in the day I noticed a slight soreness on weeing :( Yesterday I felt under the weather, just achy and crampy and it DID hurt to wee. Bummer. I drank tons of water yesterday and just prayed that it would go away by itself. The midwife had told me to go to the doctor for antibiotics sooner rather than later, if I developed symptoms, because you don't need the risks with a UTI during pregnancy, but it was weekend anyway, and the symptoms were mild. Today it really doesn't hurt much at all to wee, and I feel much better in myself. I haven't been so good at drinking a lot of water today but I am still drinking more than I usually would.

The test results should come back sometime during the week in any case, but I'm still vaguely hoping that they are normal all the same. Another possible reason for leukocytes or protein in the urine is contamination - basically CM getting into the urine sample. That's another reason I try to do mid-stream samples. Over the past two weeks I have noticed an increase in the amount of CM I have, and also it's a bit more "mucus-plug" ish - NOT actually mucus plug, but you know. Things are changing, all perfectly normal and familiar to me. Quite exciting to see, knowing what it means! :) Baby soon, baby soon, baby sooooon! Can't wait to hold him in my arms and see what he looks like! Anyway so I'm hoping it was just a contaminated sample and everything is fine, and I won't need to haul myself to the doctor (inconveniently!) and have to take antibiotics.

My blood pressure was 120/60 - more than my usual, but still fine and normal. We chatted briefly about upcoming appointments, and the midwife tried to get through on the phone to book me an appointment with the head of midwifery at the hospital, because I still hadn't heard back about that, but she couldn't get through. Then she asked me to hop up (haha!) onto the bed.

She listened to Elijah's heartbeat with the doppler (always lovely to hear!) and measured my tummy. She hmmmed a bit when she measured it, and then said it was a bit small for dates. I've heard that before a few times this pregnancy, and wasn't concerned, although I've measured spot on for dates at my 32 and 28 week appointments. I actually thought she didn't measure me accurately because the bed was raised at the top end and the small of my back was dipped down in the "bend". I felt like that would "dip" my bump as well and it might not measure up as big as it was with the tape measure. Anyway. She said I was measuring 32 weeks, and they don't worry about measuring out up to 2 weeks either side, but since my norm with my other babies was to measure spot on or ahead, she wanted to send me to the Day Assessment Unit at the hospital (my appointment was in the community at a health centre, which they always are with the midwives). I said, "What, now?!" and she said yes. She got straight on the phone and called the DAU, and asked if they could see me right away to assess me and see whether I should have a growth scan. She was telling them that "we" were probably just panicking over nothing, but that it would be good for reassurance if they'd see me! I was sat there on the bed thinking, "I'M not panicking at all! I don't feel the need for reassurance either!" ;) Elijah has seemed small before, right from the first half of my pregnancy, but when I've had a scan to check, he has measured spot on for dates. So I wasn't worried.

Anyway, she felt my tummy and declared him to be head down (yay!), not engaged, and seeming perfectly happy in there. She said he felt "diddy" to her, but I don't know - he feels pretty enormous to me! ;) He seems to fill my torso up to about an inch below my diaphragm - I've even had trouble this week with pressure on my stomach from his bottom or a random foot, making me feel a bit yeurghy on a full stomach, and I was thinking how I've got 6 weeks to go, and isn't it a bit early for him to be squashing me SO if he's going to be growing a fair bit more in the weeks to come?! So I don't know about him being little.... The genes do exist to make a little baby though, even though I generally seem to birth bigger than average ones! My mum's two babies were born at 39.5 weeks. I weighed 5lbs 10oz and my brother weighed 6lbs 10oz. None of Neil's siblings weighed as much as 8lbs, though they were all heavier than my mum's babies. Neil was a 36-weeker, weighing 5lbs 13oz (exactly the same as Nathey's weight at the same gestation, well, a couple of days earlier!) so he would have been 8.5lbs maybe, if he'd have gone to his due date? Matthew is my genetically smaller baby - a week past his due date and still my littlest at 7lbs 11oz. Maybe Elijah is just going to be a littler baby because that's the way he is, like Matthew, or even more so?

So that was the end of the appointment and I was supposed to go directly to the hospital, but I confess I was naughty and went home first, since it was on the way. I phoned Neil's mobile (he was at the park) and told him what was going on, and then I phoned Heather to tell her. She was just sitting down to a late lunch but she said if I could wait 15 minutes or so, and then pick her up, she would be able to come with me! She is usually so busy that I hadn't thought she would be available but I did hope she would be! :) So I drank a huge glass of water, changed into yet another pair of maternity jeans that might not slide down my hips as I walked along (seem to be having that trouble now that my bump is so big and smooth - fabric just slides over it, lol!), and then set off to pick Heather up. I felt a bit bad for not going straight there, but they were fine about it when we got there. I did another urine sample, this time taking care to mid-stream it, but they didn't want it!!! They said the one I did earlier had already been sent off so they didn't need to recheck it - I wish they had, in case it was fine, but oh well.

There didn't seem much point in going to the Day Assessment Unit, to be honest. We didn't have to wait long which was a good thing - usually the wait is very long. Another midwife measured my bump again, this time with me lying in a much better position, and I was so sure it would be fine but I still measured 32 weeks :S That's the first time I felt a bit nervous about it, because I remembered that I had an appointment at 32 weeks with the consultant and my bump measured 32 weeks. Now it was over 2 weeks later and my bump had not grown, so that made me worry a bit. I did FEEL like I had grown though...

They said they would book me in for a growth scan on Monday at lunchtime, the next available opportunity since it was Friday, but I was pretty sure that would not work for Neil. He wouldn't have chance to ask them at work if it was okay, and I know he told me that this week coming is the start of a VERY busy few weeks at work for him. He has a project due in on Tuesday, which would mean working hard on Monday to get it finished. So I told them I didn't think I would be able to get to a scan on Monday because of child-care. They offered me Tuesday morning at 8.30am, and I said yes to that one. I figured I could always phone and cancel if I HAD to, and they seemed very keen for Elijah to be checked sooner rather than later, and I wanted to go along with that really. Heather then told me that if Neil couldn't take that time to be at home, she could stay at home with the boys (it would be a nightmare to take them along with us, trust me) but I would obviously go to the appointment on my own. So I felt better about that - one way or the other I would be okay to attend the scan on Tuesday. I just had to find out what Neil thought about it. Heather is currently on call for a client whose due date was 6 days ago, so actually she could be unavailable on Tuesday. She said she would just pray that her lady would give birth this weekend or after the appointment! :) She went to almost 42 weeks with her last pregnancy, so we'll see.

Neil said he thinks Tuesday will be fine with work. He is doing some work this evening (Sunday) on his work laptop to get a head-start on tomorrow's work. He does not have to be the one handing over the project on Tuesday, so long as it is finished by the end of tomorrow. He doesn't know yet whether to ask if he can work from home on Tuesday morning, or to ask if he can use a half-day holiday instead. Either way it should be okay. He has plenty of holiday to use as he has hardly used any yet this year. So in any case, he will stay home with the boys, and Heather will come with me to the appointment. It works better that way, for the boys, and Neil doesn't ever mind missing scans and such. We even discussed this evening what we'd do if my waters broke like they did with Nathey, and I have to go into hospital to give birth. We decided that Neil will stay home, and not see his newest son born, or even his first few hours, and Heather will be with me at the hospital. We talked about how we feel about that. It LOOKS (seems) kind of wrong - I mean, EVERY birth involves the baby's daddy. Even if it somehow doesn't, he's always there ASAP to meet and bond with his new baby. It LOOKS weird or wrong of us not to do that on purpose! But that's why we talked about it. Neil is increasingly squeamish about birth, which he admits is crazy since he delivered Matthew himself, haha! And he missed Samuel's birth because I didn't alert him with a lot of loud wailing as he came out! ;) So now that we've done that, where he's missed the birth before... It wasn't so bad. I had previously felt that I would be really upset if Neil missed any of his children being born, but it was fine. Heather fetched him right away as soon as Samuel was out, and he came immediately to see us. I asked him how he had felt about that, and he said it was absolutely fine. He feels happy for me to "do my thing" as he puts it! ;) So long as I have the support I need (in Heather), then he feels more useful looking after the boys, which adds to my support, knowing that they are happy and secure while I'm giving birth. It's a distraction and a stress for me during labour otherwise. I can totally relax about it if I know they're with Daddy, and it's a relief to know that he doesn't feel badly about not being part of the labour or birth. I said, "But what about bonding with the baby?" and he reassured me that he would have plenty of time to do that, and he didn't have any concerns about it. If I went into hospital, he would come to see us as soon as he possibly could after the birth. Ideally I wonder if Heather would swap with him at home so that he could come and see us, and it would just be the three of us for a bit? Before the boys meet him, that is.

Anyway, I really hope I get to have a homebirth and then none of that needs to be worried about! I have Heather with me to support me during labour, but Neil is right there in the house, popping in occasionally as he does to see how it's going or if anyone wants a cup of tea! :) And the boys playing or squabbling or watching a movie, or eating downstairs. Sometimes those sounds are distracting, but for the most part I tune them out. Sometimes they are reassuring sounds, a happy distraction. Then when the baby comes, Neil is right there, either to burst into the room and see his new son arrive, or to come in moments later. The boys know immediately when the baby has arrived, and get to meet him soon after, and then just run off back to the game they were playing or movie they were watching, or continue getting ready for bed - such lovely normality!! Meanwhile I am being looked after, pampered even! Bed being changed around me, cup of tea and marmite on toast (my requested refreshment after giving birth every time when I'm at home - so much so that I am actually looking forward to it already, even though I eat and drink that any time I like! It never tastes so good as when I've just given birth. Ahhh!) up on the table beside my bed, happy tones and laughing voices around me, and that beautiful slightly drunken feel of having been through ALL OF THAT and the absolute disbelief and joyous achievement of being on the other side of it, with a precious brand new little person in my arms while it's all going on! NOTHING. LIKE. IT. Absolutely nothing like it. So I hope so much that it's what I am blessed to experience again this time! :)

So I will go for a growth scan on Tuesday morning with Heather (hopefully!). I have to hang around at the DAU again afterwards where they'll do another routine antenatal check on me while I'm there, for 35 weeks, as I'll be 35 weeks the following day. I wasn't due an appointment then, but since I'm there they will do one anyway. They'll re-test my urine, and hopefully the test results from the last sample will be back and I'll know where to go from there about it. I will then have to wait to see the doctor, apparently, to discuss the scan, so it could be a rather drawn out morning. But at least my scan appointment is the first one of the day - hopefully that means I won't end up waiting too long for various parts of it.

Oh my urine did also have a trace of sugar in it. Occasionally that's been the case in other pregnancies (like once in a couple of my pregnancies), but those were always after eating a bowl of Coco Pops or 4 chocolate digestives before my appointment! ;) This time Neil bought a pack of Tesco triple chocolate cookies, and I had eaten one an hour or so before my appointment. Heather says that's totally normal, and not to worry about it, so I'm not.

Elijah has been having such a lot of hiccups still! Usually about 5 or 6 bouts a day, and Arthur keeps count through the day as I usually say out loud, "Oh! Elijah has the hiccups again!" :) He loves to hear about Elijah's hiccups! He is very excited about having a new baby around again. I can't remember if I said so here, but a month or so ago he told me he felt it was time he had some experience with a newborn baby again, because it had been a while :) He is SO knowledgeable about babies now, which sometimes strikes me as funny - not the norm for 7-year-old boys I suppose! ;) I remember one time when he was newly turned 6, he was chatting to a lady at church who had a baby with her. He was casually asking about the baby, very at ease, and saying hello to the baby in a cutesy voice. I overheard him ask how old the baby was, and she said 6 months. He put on a very knowing look, and said, "Is she eating solid food yet? Six months is about that age... and she'll be crawling before you know it!" lol! Sweet funny big-brother-of-many! I love my Arthur! :) He loves to tell me what he remembers about his brothers arriving. He remembers all of them back to Nathan, being born, and he remembers parts of my pregnancy with Nathan too (he was 2-3 years old during that pregnancy). He doesn't remember the night Matthew was born, but he was only 19 months old, and he tries so hard to squeeze his brain and remember, bless his heart! It makes him happy to remember the baby brothers coming and how they have hit milestones (he's REALLY keen on baby milestones, is this boy. Always on at me to "get the red book, Mummy, and write it down before you forget!!"), and entertained him with various antics, and so on. It warms my heart, and is VERY reassuring because of how he's the biggest brother to so many little siblings at such a young age. He is happy and thriving, and I'm so relieved and happy about that! :)

All the boys (who are aware of it!) are very eager to meet Elijah. Matthew still mostly calls him Sausage, though the others call him Elijah. He just thinks "Sausage" is the sweetest name ever! Nathan continues to suggest cute little nicknames for baby number whichever-number-we're-on-in-these-discussions! I think we are up to baby number 13 in Nathan's naming project, lol! All the older 3 are happily talking about the next baby after this one, as though it's a matter of fact. They just presume the babies will keep coming, and it's a joy to them - and a joy to me to see that. I am beginning to worry that they'll be sad or confused when the babies STOP coming, so I have told them that eventually we won't have any more babies. They DID look sad and very sombre, and asked why not. I said that Mummy's body would not be able to carry babies any more as I got older, and that's just the way God designed women. They hoped we would still have 3, NO! Five! No, TEN! more babies before that happened! LOVE my boys! :) I myself am praying for a couple more. I think if I'm blessed enough to have the spacing continue at the pace it has been going (and it won't forever, from what I've seen in other families - the gaps start growing before menopause), I might have two more children by the time I am 40. I hope. And then I'm 40. And the risks go up up up. And the chances of conception go down down down. And my family history would put me at peri-menopausal from pretty much the get-go, when I reach my 40s :( I am actively praying that I don't follow in my mother's footsteps, and am able to have babies in my early 40s without any issues. I don't have a "number" of babies that I want to have. I just know I want to have as many babies as the Lord would be pleased to bless us with, and I happen to be utterly loving this journey so I am hoping it is many more, somehow! I trust God, and I am not looking ahead too far. I trust Him. We are also open to adoption. I trust Him on that too, as to whether He will use us in that area or not, and when, and to what degree - later than when we're still fertile, with older children? Or soon, with little ones? All I know is, I trust Him, and I'm excited! :)

Well, this is pretty much the longest entry in a LONG time! Definitely long enough for people's eyes to be going boxy, so I will stop now! I did remember to get a belly pic this weekend, which Neil took for me after the boys were in bed. I'm glad to have a 34 week belly pic after 6 weeks without one, but I'm reluctant to post it all the same because it's SO UNFLATTERING, and I look so bemused, even though I'm actually smiling!!!! I'm definitely looking weighty and knackered now, lol! Just NOT a flattering picture, but oh well, it shows the bumpy boy and that's the bit I want to keep a record of! Never mind the trousers all baggy under my bump - I told you I was having trouble with my maternity trousers! ;) They just keep sliiiiding under the bump, no matter how many zillion times I pull them up again!



I do FEEL very exhausted this week/weekend. I don't know if I do have a urine infection and that could account for just feeling tired out to the bone, or if it's just another growth-spurt type of stage for Elijah and allllll my resources are being used up for that? Maybe he even measured behind because he was JUST ABOUT to have a growth spurt and now he'll be all caught up? I have been extra hungry for a couple of days at the end of the week, and this weekend just feel wiped out and breathless.

Anyway, belly picture in the gallery, and now I will stop and go to bed! :) Will try to update soon after the scan on Tuesday - I might even have a pic to post! I do like to see my little tiny ones at the scans, but I mostly just want him to be okay this time, rather than eagerness to see him. I just hope he measures fine again, despite what my bump might measure. I hope he is fine in there.

33 weeks and 6 days - fly-by posting!

I was about to go to bed, but so many nights running I have been poised to write an entry to catch up and then got tired, or Samuel woke, or I had school to prepare first and then was done in, etc. So I keep NEVER getting it done, and the weeks are passing without any reference to them here!!

I'm really just posting to say a few things in way of a brief catch-up, so I am going to bullet-point things a bit instead of adding the usual waffly detail, to try to make it quicker to post all the stuff I need to catch up on! Here goes...

1) I'm feeling great! Really enjoying this pregnancy! I think it's my smoothest yet, so far anyway, which is lovely for my 6th!

2) Saw the consultant for my 32 week appointment. Basic run-down as follows (in case I don't get around to filling in details later!):

- Elijah is head down at last, hooray! He was transverse or breech before then.
- Urine and blood pressure great (bp 108/64)
- Consultant says this baby does not feel "big" but more average size - lovely to hear, but I think he might have said something similar last time at 30-something weeks and I still birthed a 9lb 9oz baby! ;)
- Medical student really sweet - had never met anyone who had this many babies, OR anyone who had had a homebirth before (pretty sad to hear that).
- Consultant laid it on really heavy about the risks of haemmorrhage now that I'm on my 6th baby. *sigh* Went in knowing he would, and determined to let it wash over me (he's just doing his job), but he did go on and on and ON and eventually it kind of felt scary :(
- Heather was marvellous to come with me! Consultant stepped out for a min, and Heather told the student not to labour a point like that with a woman, because it only scares them. Also reminded me that his "evidence" was all anecdotal, and we asked if he could provide us with research-based stats. He says he will get someone to. We'll see (Heather can't FIND any!)...
- He doesn't mind if I have a homebirth since all is well and I've been there and done that, even with Group B Strep if I'm + again this time, but he is strongly against me refusing to have a managed 3rd stage - that is, cut the cord immediately and have the synto injection to speed up the placental delivery.
- I REALLY don't want a managed 3rd stage. My baby needs the blood from the placenta until the cord stops pulsating. I believe my body is perfectly able to detach a placenta and clamp down on the blood vessels efficiently enough to prevent a haemmorrhage, even after 6 babies.
- Consultant wants me to see the head of midwifery at the hospital to discuss the risks further (and to provide stats that I asked for) and then he wants to see me again at 36 weeks for my decision. *sigh* (again) Not heard anything about an appointment even 2 weeks later, so not sure what's going on with that.
- Told Heather that I have been having BAD lower back and hip pain, when I try to take the boys out to the park - the weather has been lovely at the end of March so I took them out quite a bit, and was in too much pain to bear it sometimes at the end of the day. Painkillers did nothing, nor did heat, etc. I could tell it was just pregnancy/ligaments, and not a seperate injury or anything. Anyway, Heather was brilliant and just marched up to a random midwife while we were waiting to see the consultant, and asked her how I might get help. Midwife said I would need a consultant to refer me to an obstetric physiotherapist, and Heather spoke to the receptionist who found the right form and put it in my notes ready to be signed by the consultant! He did just that, and we took it to the physio dept after my appointment. Physio phoned the next DAY and I had an appointment 3 days later - UNBELIEVABLY brilliant for a free NHS appt!! :)

3) So, then I saw the obstetric physiotherapist - brief notes on that:

- I can wear a support belt if it's helpful - I have one already that Heather gave to me a while ago because one of her clients passed it on to her.
- My right hip is slightly rotated forward in the socket and it's very tight when she tried to ease it back. So I have some gentle stretching exercises to do which will help it rotate back.
- Pregnancy induced ligament problems often resolve after weaning, she informed me brightly, lol! I haven't weaned since starting breastfeeding over 7 years ago, and don't forsee any time in the next couple of years when I might be doing so either!
- Ligaments require a full year to get back to normal after pregnancy, and since I've never had a full year between pregnancies... She was surprisingly very supportive over my hopes of having more babies all the same! :)
- She showed me (and had me practice) the right way to sit, stand, get up, lie down, roll over in bed, etc, to best protect my sore pelvis on that side. It was really helpful, and she was lovely.
- She gave me a number to call after the baby is born if I am having further problems (which I did last time for several months). She said my abs will need some attention if I have back pain after delivery, and they can teach me exercises to help, BUT I have to phone them by 6 weeks after the baby is born, otherwise I have to go back to the GP to be re-referred.

4) Have had much much less back pain this past week due to a 4-day weekend for Neil, and thus less stress on my body - he took the boys out and I rested, basically! Lovely hubby! I haven't taken them out since the appointment - she told me if I can possibly manage it, I should avoid anything that causes me more pain. Mixed feelings on that one, obviously :S

5) Elijah is feeling BIG to me now, this week. He is so wiggly, and all his movements are now those kind of squirmy restricted movements that tell me he has run out of space pretty much. I love it because it means I'm getting SO close to actually meeting him!!! :D He gets hiccups 3-6 times a day, and seems to be staying head down now, although at 32 weeks (after the consultant appt) he continued to turn breech or head down, but he seems to be staying put now, thankfully!

6) I STILL have some morning sickness!!! I know some people do, but I've never been one of them before. Thankfully it's super mild, and is just a bit of a nuisance with the taste change/queasiness a few minutes after eating anything, and it has sometimes been as much as "bothersome" in the evenings. Nothing to really complain about, but I guess it would be nicer without it through my whole pregnancy! I have my eyes on the prize now, so I am fine with it continuing like this as there are only a matter of weeks to go! :) Then it WILL go, right??! :S

7) Nothing much to get ready for this baby - we have everything still around from the last one, lol! Just newborn clothes to get down from the loft. I can't believe we still haven't put the 0-3, 3-6, 6-9, and 9-12 month boxes up yet - they are still cluttering up my bedroom, but at least they're packed and ready to go. The cot is up but Samuel never used it, not even for a few minutes. The little crib that we bought ready for Samuel is flat-packed in my bedroom STILL, but Samuel slept in that once for 10 minutes (max!) so I am not going to bother this time. I think I will even take the cot down - Samuel has only ever co-slept, the lucky boy! So he will go straight to a floor mattress in the boys' room soon. He's used to much more space than the cot will allow him, and I am not sure if I plan to even bother using it for Elijah. I have loved co-sleeping exclusively with Samuel sooooooo much!! He's still in there with me now, but we'll make the switch-over in the next couple of weeks probably :( Bitter sweet!

8) Still breastfeeding Benjamin and Samuel, as before. No real changes to their feeding patterns, just short feeds with no discernable milk being swallowed! ;) I'm sure I have SOME, but hardly any as far as I can see. They're happy though, and I am happy too - not long before they'll have some good stuff to gulp again if they want to! :) I'm so so so SO glad that Samuel didn't choose to wean during my pregnancy. Big relief. He's so young to wean, well, in my experience anyway! ;)

9) All the boys are getting so excited to meet Elijah, and talk often about the birth and the possible date, and what things will be like once he's here - just amongst themselves really. I don't start these discussions because I don't need to. They talk to me about it happily, and I just listen and respond to them. Arthur thinks he'll come on the 27th of May. I am hoping for a few days earlier! But not ideally his due date - that's Heather's daughter's birthday and she may not be available if her daughter isn't happy about it, apparently. I REALLY would like Elijah to be like MOST of his brothers and not cosy down for an extra week or so. I have had 2 at 41 weeks now, but also 2 within a couple of days of their due dates, and then Nathey at 35 weeks (NEXT WEEK!!!!!). Hopefully my waters won't break this time and I'll get to have my homebirth. I am nervous about childcare otherwise, if I have to go into hospital. It's just way better all round to be at home, so I hope it will work out that way this time.

10) I didn't ever get around to taking another belly picture after 28 weeks!! That's so sad! :( I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow, so I've missed quite a bit with the photos now :( I'll try to remember to sort a photo out for 34 weeks, but I say that every time a belly pic is due... I just seem busier than EVER before (x50) now that we are really properly homeschooling, and with the little ones too. I thought THIS would be a busy school year, adding a new baby, but nope. I think next year will be busier because Nathan starts school so I will be homeschooling 3, but also with 3 others ages 3, 2 and baby! Then that will probably be nothing compared to the following academic year when BENJAMIN starts school (he and Nathan are only a year apart in school) and I will hopefully be pregnant or already adding a new baby, and homeschooling 4 with another two aged 2 and 1, lol! It should be a very scary thought, but I just feel like throwing up my hands and laughing when I think of it - partly for joy and excitement, and partly just at the CRAZY. Crazy crazy crazy, what am I THINKING crazy! ;) But ohhhh so wonderful to think of the years ahead! :)

Right now I need to think of the HOURS ahead, and get myself to bed pronto. I'm so tired lately - I keep not being able to sleep until 2am or so, and my restless leg syndrome is driving me NUTS at night sometimes. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep until after 4.30am!! Thankfully it was Easter Monday so Neil was home and he let me lie in really long to make up for it. Last night I couldn't sleep until after 2am, and I got up at 1am and cleaned and swept the living room and then found it much easier to fall asleep when I went back to bed. Hopefully I won't have any trouble falling asleep tonight, but if I do I guess the thing to do will be to get up and do something useful. It's hard when I am SO. TIRED. OUT. that I basically sit and cry that I can't sleep! Easier if Neil is home the following day, like a weekend. But NOT easy when it's mid-week and I have the boys to look after for 12 hours without Neil here and school to do the next day! Which is the case tomorrow, so I MUST go to bed! I will update again when I can. My next appointment is my 34 week midwife appointment on Friday. Just routine, nothing exciting. Will update again soon!