Well, the postman did bring the tests, and I used a super sensitive one, which was definitely negative. :( So that is that, I guess.
The only thing I can think of, other than waiting for my period to show up, is the fact that FF changed my ovulation date earlier in my cycle. Because I charted 3 days of EWCM after I ovulated, FF decided that I didn't ovulate then after all. I felt sure that I did, so I changed the EWCM on my chart to make it go back to the original ovulation prediction. I did have EWCM but it seemed not to be "peak" type of EWCM, to me (I think I blogged this?) so I felt that it was just fading off after ovulation but taking days about it, or something! ;) That sounds a bit lame, now I read it back! Also, it's unusual for me to have a pre-ovulatory temp of 36.38 (or whatever it was exactly) BEFORE ovulation. Usually I can go up to 36.2-36.3 before ovulation. Anything above that is usually post-ovulation.
So, with the slightest possibility that I ovulated a bit later than I thought, I went back to my chart and put the EWCM back as it was, to see what FF would make of it. Sure enough they put my ovulation date as 3 days later, which would make me 8DPO today. I am not sure.... Weirdly soft skin started only 5DPO that way, and I'm not sure if that's likely. Parsnips would have been 4 days before ovulation that way, which has resulted in 3 of our children before, so it's still possible...
Being 8DPO might explain why my period is taking "so long" to show up, pregnant or not. I would expect it to turn up at maybe 9 or 10dpo if I wasn't pregnant, giving me a luteal phase this cycle of 8 or 9 days. If it's this long and I'm not pregnant, that's a bit unexpected.
I'm leaving the chart as it is for a bit so you can see what I mean. Thoughts? I am basically waiting for my period, and currently okay with that, but I still can't shift the fact that I am totally experiencing proper pregnancy symptoms that can't be psychological in nature, and which I never ever get unless I really am pregnant. If my period shows up, then okay, but I'm still confused! :/
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
11DPO...
Still here, and have to be super quick!
My temp did not drop! It didn't exactly shoot up, but it's 36.75, a slight rise from yesterday's 36.71 - so still hanging in there. Hmmm....
Well, being 11DPO with my temp still up, weirdly soft skin, and crazy bad cramps, I thought I would use my last test. I was beyond confused when it was a flat out negative. Not even the line I had at 9DPO. Weird. I am not sure what to think or what to expect next. I am cramping so badly, and (I repeat!) I never ever cramp badly at all unless I am pregnant, or my period is in flow (or about to be within usually the next hour). It isn't constant, but early this morning after I woke with Elijah, it was too sore to allow me to fall back to sleep again, which is so completely ONLY going to be a pregnancy symptom. Really odd.
I have wasted too much time and energy on pregnancy ponderings this week, so today's strategy is to ignore it as much as possible, and get on with my day. The one thing left is that the postman might bring my tests, because they usually arrive the next day after I order them, and if he does I will use one of the more sensitive tests that picks up a very tiny amount of the pregnancy hormone, on my first morning urine (which I saved, and which I tested negative with earlier). If THAT is negative, I think it's a closed case. Maybe I *was* pregnant but it didn't implant successfully or something, and so it has faded away. Either way, a negative with a sensitive test at 11DPO means I am waiting for my body to catch up and for my period to start.
I will keep you posted!
My temp did not drop! It didn't exactly shoot up, but it's 36.75, a slight rise from yesterday's 36.71 - so still hanging in there. Hmmm....
Well, being 11DPO with my temp still up, weirdly soft skin, and crazy bad cramps, I thought I would use my last test. I was beyond confused when it was a flat out negative. Not even the line I had at 9DPO. Weird. I am not sure what to think or what to expect next. I am cramping so badly, and (I repeat!) I never ever cramp badly at all unless I am pregnant, or my period is in flow (or about to be within usually the next hour). It isn't constant, but early this morning after I woke with Elijah, it was too sore to allow me to fall back to sleep again, which is so completely ONLY going to be a pregnancy symptom. Really odd.
I have wasted too much time and energy on pregnancy ponderings this week, so today's strategy is to ignore it as much as possible, and get on with my day. The one thing left is that the postman might bring my tests, because they usually arrive the next day after I order them, and if he does I will use one of the more sensitive tests that picks up a very tiny amount of the pregnancy hormone, on my first morning urine (which I saved, and which I tested negative with earlier). If THAT is negative, I think it's a closed case. Maybe I *was* pregnant but it didn't implant successfully or something, and so it has faded away. Either way, a negative with a sensitive test at 11DPO means I am waiting for my body to catch up and for my period to start.
I will keep you posted!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
10DPO...
Well, I've managed to make it to 10DPO somehow, which is rather surreal to me! That's long enough to sustain a pregnancy, anywhere from 10DPO onwards.
I haven't got much time to update this morning but I wanted to anyway, so I'll have to be quick.
I got Neil to bring home a digital test (after talking to Rebecca! :) ) and then got too nervous to use it because it's expensive, and what if it just says "not pregnant"?! Bit of a mega disappointment, right?
Then I got to thinking that when I tested yesterday at 9DPO, I had been for a wee really late at night, and then used first morning urine to test - about 6 hours worth. So maybe that wasn't adequate for first morning urine? By 11pm or thereabouts, I hadn't been to the loo since 1pm and decided to test with another internet cheapy as it was 10 hours worth of wee (yes, I should be preventing further kidney stones better. Tsk!). Anyway I was discouraged to see that it was negative. I looked back at it a few minutes later and there was a line after all, and it was the same as the morning's like - mayyyyybe just a touch darker, but basically the same. So I was back to being excited again!
This morning when I temped, I got 36.71. I feel really disappointed about that, because while it is still up there in the high temps for me, it's a drop (you can see it on my chart, the link to which is over there on the right (FF chart)), and a drop at 10DPO isn't all that good.
I debated for a while on whether to test. I talked to Neil about it before he went to work, and he was as confused as I am - I still feel pregnant. Last night I had proper bad cramps when I went to bed, and this morning the same - almost too uncomfortable to settle back to sleep when I had woken to feed Elijah. They felt like period cramps, but I don't have my period, and that never never NEVER ever happens unless I'm pregnant, unless bleeding follows within an hour-ish (which it hasn't). Neil stroked my face again and said my skin is definitely still pregnant soft. I am still weeing more frequently, and painfully hungry at times of day when I'm normally just "hungry" like before breakfast, etc. The crampiness is accompanied by a sensation of a large ball of something low in the pit of my abdomen. There is a feeling of fullness and a sort of hot pressure. It all feels very much like early pregnancy to me.
After Neil went to work, I decided I would test. I felt deflated about it even as I did so, because I didn't feel much hope for a positive, and statistically, a negative at 10DPO isn't a good sign for me. I did see a line, basically the same as the one I posted a picture of yesterday. I had probably not weed in 8 hours. Shouldn't it be stronger than yesterday's, if there's a healthy pregnancy starting? It's making me second guess whether the lines I've been seeing are real lines in the first place. :( I shouldn't have to look soooo hard for them at all angles, at 10DPO, unless they're not really there, maybe?
Then I got out the little box with all the test sticks (yes I keep them! It's a cross between "Aww!", and "Eww!", lol!) from all my other babies. Someone's are missing! :( I found Arthur's, Matthew's, Samuel's and Elijah's, all labelled. There's another set of four, labelled with DPO, but no initial to show which boy they were from. :( So they are either from Nathan or Benjamin, but the other one of those boys has no tests saved! I have no idea why, I'm sure I saved them all...
Anyway. All of the pregnancies which tested positive at 10DPO were clearer than the test I took today. Most of them I started testing after 10DPO though. Samuel's tests were interesting. I started at 8DPO with him (negative), then 9DPO (also negative) and then I was discouraged at 10DPO so didn't test, but tested again at 11DPO and got a positive, which is only a touch darker than the tests I've taken today and yesterday, so hmmm.... I compared my 9DPO tests (morning and evening) with Samuel's 9DPO negative, and the lines on the recent ones are more obvious than the not-actually-there line on Samuel's. That gave me hope! :)
I looked in my blog for a photo of Samuel's 11DPO test, and found the post where I put it, and an altered version (like I posted here yesterday) to make it clearer: (THIS IS SAMUEL'S, just to note! Not today's!)
And then I found a post where I had a comparison photo of all the tests I'd taken so far with Samuel, including the too-early ones at 8DPO and 9DPO:
BUT. I checked my now-very-looonnnnng list of charts, to look at pregnancy charts and chemical pregnancy charts since the one before Arthur was conceived. Many of my chemical pregnancies seemed to have a drop like this actually at 10DPO, and then my period or spotting at the end of the day, and a proper drop the next morning. I'm really discouraged, looking at those charts, because I feel convinced now that I am not going to be keeping this little one. I'm sure I will end up having another chemical pregnancy. :( And the only thing to do is wait.
[Edited to add: Just bought some more cheapy tests, as I only have one or two left now, and it looks like I will need some for next cycle. I bought a pack of 10 of the ones above (smallest size available, and it only cost £2.29!!!) and for the first time I decided to buy a pack of 10 of the more sensitive ones, which measure 10 whatevertheyares of pregnancy hormone, as opposed to 25 like the others I've always taken. Same as First Response Early Result. So, at least those are on their way!]
I haven't got much time to update this morning but I wanted to anyway, so I'll have to be quick.
I got Neil to bring home a digital test (after talking to Rebecca! :) ) and then got too nervous to use it because it's expensive, and what if it just says "not pregnant"?! Bit of a mega disappointment, right?
Then I got to thinking that when I tested yesterday at 9DPO, I had been for a wee really late at night, and then used first morning urine to test - about 6 hours worth. So maybe that wasn't adequate for first morning urine? By 11pm or thereabouts, I hadn't been to the loo since 1pm and decided to test with another internet cheapy as it was 10 hours worth of wee (yes, I should be preventing further kidney stones better. Tsk!). Anyway I was discouraged to see that it was negative. I looked back at it a few minutes later and there was a line after all, and it was the same as the morning's like - mayyyyybe just a touch darker, but basically the same. So I was back to being excited again!
This morning when I temped, I got 36.71. I feel really disappointed about that, because while it is still up there in the high temps for me, it's a drop (you can see it on my chart, the link to which is over there on the right (FF chart)), and a drop at 10DPO isn't all that good.
I debated for a while on whether to test. I talked to Neil about it before he went to work, and he was as confused as I am - I still feel pregnant. Last night I had proper bad cramps when I went to bed, and this morning the same - almost too uncomfortable to settle back to sleep when I had woken to feed Elijah. They felt like period cramps, but I don't have my period, and that never never NEVER ever happens unless I'm pregnant, unless bleeding follows within an hour-ish (which it hasn't). Neil stroked my face again and said my skin is definitely still pregnant soft. I am still weeing more frequently, and painfully hungry at times of day when I'm normally just "hungry" like before breakfast, etc. The crampiness is accompanied by a sensation of a large ball of something low in the pit of my abdomen. There is a feeling of fullness and a sort of hot pressure. It all feels very much like early pregnancy to me.
After Neil went to work, I decided I would test. I felt deflated about it even as I did so, because I didn't feel much hope for a positive, and statistically, a negative at 10DPO isn't a good sign for me. I did see a line, basically the same as the one I posted a picture of yesterday. I had probably not weed in 8 hours. Shouldn't it be stronger than yesterday's, if there's a healthy pregnancy starting? It's making me second guess whether the lines I've been seeing are real lines in the first place. :( I shouldn't have to look soooo hard for them at all angles, at 10DPO, unless they're not really there, maybe?
Then I got out the little box with all the test sticks (yes I keep them! It's a cross between "Aww!", and "Eww!", lol!) from all my other babies. Someone's are missing! :( I found Arthur's, Matthew's, Samuel's and Elijah's, all labelled. There's another set of four, labelled with DPO, but no initial to show which boy they were from. :( So they are either from Nathan or Benjamin, but the other one of those boys has no tests saved! I have no idea why, I'm sure I saved them all...
Anyway. All of the pregnancies which tested positive at 10DPO were clearer than the test I took today. Most of them I started testing after 10DPO though. Samuel's tests were interesting. I started at 8DPO with him (negative), then 9DPO (also negative) and then I was discouraged at 10DPO so didn't test, but tested again at 11DPO and got a positive, which is only a touch darker than the tests I've taken today and yesterday, so hmmm.... I compared my 9DPO tests (morning and evening) with Samuel's 9DPO negative, and the lines on the recent ones are more obvious than the not-actually-there line on Samuel's. That gave me hope! :)
I looked in my blog for a photo of Samuel's 11DPO test, and found the post where I put it, and an altered version (like I posted here yesterday) to make it clearer: (THIS IS SAMUEL'S, just to note! Not today's!)
And then I found a post where I had a comparison photo of all the tests I'd taken so far with Samuel, including the too-early ones at 8DPO and 9DPO:
BUT. I checked my now-very-looonnnnng list of charts, to look at pregnancy charts and chemical pregnancy charts since the one before Arthur was conceived. Many of my chemical pregnancies seemed to have a drop like this actually at 10DPO, and then my period or spotting at the end of the day, and a proper drop the next morning. I'm really discouraged, looking at those charts, because I feel convinced now that I am not going to be keeping this little one. I'm sure I will end up having another chemical pregnancy. :( And the only thing to do is wait.
[Edited to add: Just bought some more cheapy tests, as I only have one or two left now, and it looks like I will need some for next cycle. I bought a pack of 10 of the ones above (smallest size available, and it only cost £2.29!!!) and for the first time I decided to buy a pack of 10 of the more sensitive ones, which measure 10 whatevertheyares of pregnancy hormone, as opposed to 25 like the others I've always taken. Same as First Response Early Result. So, at least those are on their way!]
Monday, February 4, 2013
9DPO - morning update!
Well, as I had thought, my temperature did not drop!! :) I was so excited to see 36.89 - it went up AGAIN!!! :) My skin is definitely weirdly soft, and I'm sitting here at the kitchen table feeling more crampy than ever. Just like "pressing down" cramps, not just pains. They're not awful, but they're not my usual in my luteal phase. They are pretty usual for early pregnancy though, yay! :)
I tested, and was a bit concerned that the test was negative. I only had a couple of minutes but a line didn't come up in that time, so I put the test high up out of sight, and rescued Elijah from a climbing calamity (he's climbing now!), and then came back - must have been no longer than a minute later. There was a line on my test stick, but only if I, you know, stood on my head with my eyes crossed and looked at it under the light of a thousand suns at a 48 degree angle, lol! ;)
So now that it has dried I can compare it with the ones from the last two days, and there's definitely a very faint line!! :) I tried to photograph it, but it's soooo faint. I made a copy that I altered crazily with contast and saturation, etc. to show the line I can see as clearly as possible. Here are the two pics - see what you think...
I'm a little bit nervous, even with the high temp, that it's as faint as my positives have been with my chemical pregnancies, and so maybe this will end as a chemical pregnancy too? I know that isn't logical really, because any healthy pregnancy is going to start out with a negative and slowly slowwwly fade into a barely visible positive line, if you start testing early enough. I guess I just have to wait and keep temping (nervous about that now, though!), and testing.
I already have a new symptom today - bloodhound nose! ;) Actually I think maybe that started yesterday, because I asked Neil if he could smell cigarettes in the afternoon, in the living room, and he said no, so I dismissed it but I was sure I could smell them faintly. Today I can smell things like it's a super power, lol! I was at the tumble dryer folding clothes and I thought, "Ugh, why can I smell milk!" It smelled like it was literally spilled on the clothes in front of my nose, and I thought that was not a good sign (I have genuine reason for such paranoia in my house!), but it turned out that I was smelling the breakfast table which hadn't been cleared yet! It smelled so close to me!
Okay, I have been trying to write this for two hours now (!!) with too many distractions to count, and I've stopped to do various things with/for the boys. Now I've just put Elijah to bed for his morning nap, and I need to get started with school, so I'm going to just post this, and if there's any significant news I'll update again this evening. I do feel very crampy at the moment, as though I'm about to get my period, and have dashed to the toilet twice already today to check my underwear, as I felt SURE I had started my period, but no. This is very pregnant of me! :)
I have charted tests that look like the one above as "positive" on my chart before, but I'm not sure whether to take that leap yet or not... To be consistent I think I should, but I don't feel secure shouting, "I'M PREGNANT!!!" yet. I will have to wait to see what tomorrow brings!
I tested, and was a bit concerned that the test was negative. I only had a couple of minutes but a line didn't come up in that time, so I put the test high up out of sight, and rescued Elijah from a climbing calamity (he's climbing now!), and then came back - must have been no longer than a minute later. There was a line on my test stick, but only if I, you know, stood on my head with my eyes crossed and looked at it under the light of a thousand suns at a 48 degree angle, lol! ;)
So now that it has dried I can compare it with the ones from the last two days, and there's definitely a very faint line!! :) I tried to photograph it, but it's soooo faint. I made a copy that I altered crazily with contast and saturation, etc. to show the line I can see as clearly as possible. Here are the two pics - see what you think...
I'm a little bit nervous, even with the high temp, that it's as faint as my positives have been with my chemical pregnancies, and so maybe this will end as a chemical pregnancy too? I know that isn't logical really, because any healthy pregnancy is going to start out with a negative and slowly slowwwly fade into a barely visible positive line, if you start testing early enough. I guess I just have to wait and keep temping (nervous about that now, though!), and testing.
I already have a new symptom today - bloodhound nose! ;) Actually I think maybe that started yesterday, because I asked Neil if he could smell cigarettes in the afternoon, in the living room, and he said no, so I dismissed it but I was sure I could smell them faintly. Today I can smell things like it's a super power, lol! I was at the tumble dryer folding clothes and I thought, "Ugh, why can I smell milk!" It smelled like it was literally spilled on the clothes in front of my nose, and I thought that was not a good sign (I have genuine reason for such paranoia in my house!), but it turned out that I was smelling the breakfast table which hadn't been cleared yet! It smelled so close to me!
Okay, I have been trying to write this for two hours now (!!) with too many distractions to count, and I've stopped to do various things with/for the boys. Now I've just put Elijah to bed for his morning nap, and I need to get started with school, so I'm going to just post this, and if there's any significant news I'll update again this evening. I do feel very crampy at the moment, as though I'm about to get my period, and have dashed to the toilet twice already today to check my underwear, as I felt SURE I had started my period, but no. This is very pregnant of me! :)
I have charted tests that look like the one above as "positive" on my chart before, but I'm not sure whether to take that leap yet or not... To be consistent I think I should, but I don't feel secure shouting, "I'M PREGNANT!!!" yet. I will have to wait to see what tomorrow brings!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
8DPO! :)
Yes, you're right - definitely time for an update, lol! ;)
So I am now 8 days past ovulation, which is when my temperature had dropped and spotting/bleeding started last cycle, even though a pregnancy had started. This time things look pretty good at 8DPO! :)
My temperature went up yesterday morning, at 7DPO, significantly enough for me to think, "Oooooh!", and I had more "bad" cramps - the type I only get when pregnant. So I did the sort of thing that's perfectly normal for Crazy Obsesso-Woman (she's baaaack, haha!), and peed on a stick! At 7DPO! lol! Ah, I know, I know. Of course it was negative - really negative, and I still have last cycle's test sticks, so it was comforting all over again to compare yesterday's test with those, and see again that there really was a positive result last cycle.
So, 7DPO, negative test. I had a really busy day yesterday. After my long email to Heather, she wanted to talk about some of the things in it properly, so Neil (marvellously!) looked after all 6 boys while I went and met Heather in a cafe, and we sat on a comfy sofa with cups of tea and talked for THREE HOURS!!! :-O A lot of it was really serious stuff related to me needing to DO certain stuff related to getting social services off our backs, etc. And some of it was just uncomfortable for me to talk about. Heather thinks I should consider the likelihood that I am suffering from depression, and that considering medication might be a worthwhile thing. I have nothing against the condition, or people who suffer from it, but I have such a BIG personal issue with ME suffering from depression (long and complicated past history), that I really really REALLY don't want to go there - to think that I'm going down that road again. Ugh. I have been on medication for depression before, and do not want to again. I have nothing against anyone who does, or againt anti-depressants in general, but I. don't. want. it. for me! :( I don't know why, I just don't. I just think everything will be alright in the end, or else I want to pretend it will, but Heather thinks I am maybe burying my head in the sand, and that I will need to take action on it in some way for it to get better. I still hope she's wrong...
Anyway. We discussed a lot of tough subjects, and none of it was awful or stern, just uncomfortable subjects, but with the world's best listener and "sorter" - she is so resourceful and thoughtful on ways to help, and gives so lovingly and generously of herself in the solutions she thinks of. There's too much to list here, and this entry isn't really about that, but I'm just making note as I likely won't make note of it anywhere else. Also to note that the morning utterly and completely wiped me out. I think it was the emotional aspect (not that I got teary or anything, just... it was uncomfortable) or something, and the length of time. In the last 15 minutes or so I started to feel kind of unwell, as though I was too tired in my head to take any more. I felt dizzy and started to feel a bit nauseous with it too, and then I came home. Elijah took a nap and Neil took the other 5 boys out to the park, while I prepared school for the week ahead, photocopied worksheets, etc. (yes, I own a photocopier. One of my best school-related buys ever!) and looked up a few of the things Heather had suggested. I had a headache and felt really tired but I needed to get school prepared. I had put the dizziness down to tiredness, but actually I noticed some the day before - just little moments here and there throughout the day - and yesterday I continued to have the odd dizzy spell right up to the end of the day. I kept feeling somewhat in denial that it could possibly be an early pregnancy symptom, even though it IS, for me, often. I just thought that if I was as tired as I was, dizziness like that was to be expected. I have changed my mind today, because I'm still feeling totally exhausted, and having more dizzy spells too. I think they are early pregnancy symptoms, to be honest.
What else at 7DPO? I should update every day, otherwise I have to remember the other days' stuff as well, and then it's not so relevant in any case, but I need it for the full picture. I will definitely update daily from now on, until I have some news (of either sort).
The busy day (well, busy for me!) continued with a fantastic evening at church, especially for ladies! :) Heather bought us both tickets weeks ago (isn't she wonderful?!) and I left my excellent husband to put all six boys to bed, and spent 3 hours of the evening with 250 ladies, being entertained (oh I actually cried running tears during the stand up comedy section! I was so glad I had been to the loo in the interval, lol!), drinking wine (well, I only had 1/3 of glass before I started to feel a bit weird and dizzy, so I stopped then), eating incredibly yummy cupcakes, and generally having a wonderful time. It was run by World Vision, so the emphasis was on the desperate need for sponsors for needy children. I have sponsored an 8-year-old boy in Uganda. It will be wonderful for my boys, and possibly life-saving for him.
I was quite crampy on and off through the day. I definitely needed to chart "bad cramps" because it was bad enough to make me distracted at both the cafe AND even during the entertainment in the evening, so that's noteworthy. The sensation was a sort of crampiness inside my pubic bone/hip area (an inch above) on one side or the other, but mostly on my right side.
I also felt that I could possibly chart frequent urination yesterday (and today is the same), but only because of needing to wee a bit more than I usually do, and feel quite urgent and seem to have a lot to wee when I do, despite not drinking enough fluids. I don't have any UTI symptoms.
Otherwise I was feeling quite neutral yesterday, in terms of whether I felt like I was really FEELING pregnant or not. I began to THINK I was. Oh but I did have the same tender breasts symptom that I charted the day before. I had noticed that I hadn't yet felt what I usually do when in early pregnancy - really sore "flashes" of stabby pains. This was just achy and sore, which I can get before periods too. I don't get the flashy pains normally, before periods. Anyway, yesterday afternoon I had some flashy pains!!! I was really excited! :)
So, 8DPO - today! :)
At 4.30am, I woke up because Elijah did, and was PAINFULLY, burningly hungry! I also really really needed a wee, but didn't do anything about either, partly because I had no opportunity, and partly because I wanted to save the wee for a test if my temp stayed up! ;)
I was so excited, but not at all surprised, to get my highest temp yet this cycle!! :D That's a reeeeeeally good sign for me at this stage. I really feel pregnant today - I both think it, and feel it. And the temp was really encouraging. 36.8*c is a temp I don't usually reach on non-pregnant cycles. I mean, I CAN and sometimes do, and a good pregnancy sign for me is getting to 36.9, or a SURE sign is 37.0. I have never reached that unless pregnant, and when pregnant I ALWAYS do, eventually, in my LP. But 36.8 is pretty stonking. I know it can go either way still, but I am sure now that I am pregnant, and just hoping it doesn't end in a chemical pregnancy, as I would love an October baby, and not to have to get into the hassle of Heather starting all her craft fairs from the end of October to just before Christmas (where she would be unavailable to be at the birth as my doula - can't even imagine!!! :( ). I would also just love not to lose this baby...
So of course I tested! ;) The test was negative, though I wondered if mayyyyyyybe there might be the slightest shadow where a line is supposed to be, compared with the day before. But I honestly could well have been seeing things, so I am not putting anything on that. It's definitely a negative test. At only 8DPO, that is not too surprising. I think the earliest I had a proper positive test has been 9DPO, but sometimes I've had a faint line at 10DPO and nothing at 9DPO (once? I can't remember if more than once). Anyway.
So, today I have had plentiful nagging aches and pains around, to the side, and above my pubic bone - mostly on my right side. Sometimes it's like a boring pain. It's actually just started again as I'm writing this. It bothers me every time I'm lying down breastfeeding, but it's not a constant pain at all. It feels similar to cramps, but just not. I also had a moment this afternoon when I was breastfeeding Elijah for his nap, that I started to feel an increasing pressure, like a wave of proper bearing-down type cramps - those felt very much like my period was starting. I have been checking quite a few times today, because sometimes it felt like it was starting, but it never was. No spotting at all, though I have been scrutinising my underwear, lol! I do have the same CM as I mentioned before, still.
Today I asked Neil to check my face (he has always been my chief tester for this particular pregnancy sign, and is very experienced at knowing the difference between normal-soft and pregnant-soft, hehe!), and he stroked my cheek, and had barely touched it when he said, "Yep!" :) Definitely "weirdly soft skin" - as I chart it! I only ever (EVER) get that when pregnant, and usually from about 8, 9 or 10DPO. There isn't another possible explanation for that one! :) I am sure sure SURE that I am pregnant. :)
I am hungrier than usual, and the main thing about it is that I'm suddenly URGENTLY hungry, seemingly out of nowhere, and I MUST eat or else my tummy hurts and I feel weird. I have also been dizzy on and off again today, like I said earlier, and I feel really really exhausted - pregnant exhausted, or about to get my period exhausted.
It hurt to breastfeed the little two at bedtime, and I have just feel very irritable and moody this evening too. Pre-menstrual, sort of, but I strongly suspect it's actually down to pregnancy hormones, such as it has been at this kind of stage in previous pregnancies (and I've always wondered about PMS then too!).
What else? I'm really bloated, as yesterday (and pretty much the day before too, now I think about it). I am also "gassy" in the chartable sense - which is an absolute pregnancy symptom for me, in each and every pregnancy (chemical and not), in my luteal phase. Lovely! ;)
I can't think what else... and I'm really tired out so I am starting to feel a bit woozy and not think too clearly. I'm feeling optimistic and excited about temping in the morning - quite excited to go to bed just because it means the morning will come soon! :) But I'm also slightly wary of being optimistic, because I very easily COULD find that my temp drops, pregnant or not, and I start to bleed. It has happened so many times now, even with a beautiful chart full of obviously pregnant rising temps, or temps that have plateaued out at a high level. Still it can plummet without much warning, and then it's over and done with. This time I don't know what it is... I feel terribly attached already, to the possibility of this particular little one. I don't even know why that should be. It won't have any bearing on whether or not this particular little one stays with me or not, but I think it will have a big impact on my feelings this time if this little one doesn't "stick". I normally just think, "Ah well!" and know that God knows best. This time I just SO want this baby - the feeling has taken me by surprise and just come from nowhere, and I'm trying to mentally chant in the background, "God knows best, God knows best, God knows best..." to keep me focused on what's actually important, not what *I* want. But this time, for some inexplicable reason, it is more difficult. I don't even have confirmation that he/she is even there, but I love this baby so much. I feel really vulnerable even writing about it, without that security of a stick in my hand with two lines on it. It could all crumble away to nothingness tomorrow...
Neil is also sure I'm pregnant. He says he just knows I am. The boys continue to talk about "what we'll call the next baby!" and I found Neil at the computer this evening looking at 15 passenger vans!! :) I keep being distracted by the thought that I might be on my journey to have my 7th, seventh, sev-enth baby!!! Six I had hoped for and longed for, prayed for, even, since I was 6-years-old. Six I had dared to expect, in the last couple of years. But seven? Beyond my heart's desire? Could God - would God really actually be that generous to me? I can't stop thinking about it, and breathlessly asking myself that question. I can't believe He would really bless me that much! More than I ever asked for, even though I asked for quite a generous blessing in the first place! Me - the mother of seven children?! I feel slightly in disbelief that that person could actually be me! And I'm not - yet. Not until I know for sure that I am pregnant. But it feels so close... I can almost touch it. Such a generous and loving God! Now, God also knows that the desire of my heart is to have a daughter, but if He chooses not to give me a daughter, then who am I to complain at him and bemoan the fact that he has given me alllllll these sons!!! "Sons are a heritage from the Lord", says the Bible, and I believe it! :)
I will have to just wait and see. I expect my temperature to be high, still, even if it's a bit lower than today. A big drop would surprise and disappoint me, but I think I would still test all the same. I have 4 tests left. I will definitely use one tomorrow, whatever my temp is.
Thanks so much for keeping up with me and for your lovely excited comments! :) I really love reading them, and I feel kind of surrounded by friends in my journey which is lovely! I will update tomorrow as soon as I can, re. my temp and test. I'll update my chart as well. Back tomorrow! :)
So I am now 8 days past ovulation, which is when my temperature had dropped and spotting/bleeding started last cycle, even though a pregnancy had started. This time things look pretty good at 8DPO! :)
My temperature went up yesterday morning, at 7DPO, significantly enough for me to think, "Oooooh!", and I had more "bad" cramps - the type I only get when pregnant. So I did the sort of thing that's perfectly normal for Crazy Obsesso-Woman (she's baaaack, haha!), and peed on a stick! At 7DPO! lol! Ah, I know, I know. Of course it was negative - really negative, and I still have last cycle's test sticks, so it was comforting all over again to compare yesterday's test with those, and see again that there really was a positive result last cycle.
So, 7DPO, negative test. I had a really busy day yesterday. After my long email to Heather, she wanted to talk about some of the things in it properly, so Neil (marvellously!) looked after all 6 boys while I went and met Heather in a cafe, and we sat on a comfy sofa with cups of tea and talked for THREE HOURS!!! :-O A lot of it was really serious stuff related to me needing to DO certain stuff related to getting social services off our backs, etc. And some of it was just uncomfortable for me to talk about. Heather thinks I should consider the likelihood that I am suffering from depression, and that considering medication might be a worthwhile thing. I have nothing against the condition, or people who suffer from it, but I have such a BIG personal issue with ME suffering from depression (long and complicated past history), that I really really REALLY don't want to go there - to think that I'm going down that road again. Ugh. I have been on medication for depression before, and do not want to again. I have nothing against anyone who does, or againt anti-depressants in general, but I. don't. want. it. for me! :( I don't know why, I just don't. I just think everything will be alright in the end, or else I want to pretend it will, but Heather thinks I am maybe burying my head in the sand, and that I will need to take action on it in some way for it to get better. I still hope she's wrong...
Anyway. We discussed a lot of tough subjects, and none of it was awful or stern, just uncomfortable subjects, but with the world's best listener and "sorter" - she is so resourceful and thoughtful on ways to help, and gives so lovingly and generously of herself in the solutions she thinks of. There's too much to list here, and this entry isn't really about that, but I'm just making note as I likely won't make note of it anywhere else. Also to note that the morning utterly and completely wiped me out. I think it was the emotional aspect (not that I got teary or anything, just... it was uncomfortable) or something, and the length of time. In the last 15 minutes or so I started to feel kind of unwell, as though I was too tired in my head to take any more. I felt dizzy and started to feel a bit nauseous with it too, and then I came home. Elijah took a nap and Neil took the other 5 boys out to the park, while I prepared school for the week ahead, photocopied worksheets, etc. (yes, I own a photocopier. One of my best school-related buys ever!) and looked up a few of the things Heather had suggested. I had a headache and felt really tired but I needed to get school prepared. I had put the dizziness down to tiredness, but actually I noticed some the day before - just little moments here and there throughout the day - and yesterday I continued to have the odd dizzy spell right up to the end of the day. I kept feeling somewhat in denial that it could possibly be an early pregnancy symptom, even though it IS, for me, often. I just thought that if I was as tired as I was, dizziness like that was to be expected. I have changed my mind today, because I'm still feeling totally exhausted, and having more dizzy spells too. I think they are early pregnancy symptoms, to be honest.
What else at 7DPO? I should update every day, otherwise I have to remember the other days' stuff as well, and then it's not so relevant in any case, but I need it for the full picture. I will definitely update daily from now on, until I have some news (of either sort).
The busy day (well, busy for me!) continued with a fantastic evening at church, especially for ladies! :) Heather bought us both tickets weeks ago (isn't she wonderful?!) and I left my excellent husband to put all six boys to bed, and spent 3 hours of the evening with 250 ladies, being entertained (oh I actually cried running tears during the stand up comedy section! I was so glad I had been to the loo in the interval, lol!), drinking wine (well, I only had 1/3 of glass before I started to feel a bit weird and dizzy, so I stopped then), eating incredibly yummy cupcakes, and generally having a wonderful time. It was run by World Vision, so the emphasis was on the desperate need for sponsors for needy children. I have sponsored an 8-year-old boy in Uganda. It will be wonderful for my boys, and possibly life-saving for him.
I was quite crampy on and off through the day. I definitely needed to chart "bad cramps" because it was bad enough to make me distracted at both the cafe AND even during the entertainment in the evening, so that's noteworthy. The sensation was a sort of crampiness inside my pubic bone/hip area (an inch above) on one side or the other, but mostly on my right side.
I also felt that I could possibly chart frequent urination yesterday (and today is the same), but only because of needing to wee a bit more than I usually do, and feel quite urgent and seem to have a lot to wee when I do, despite not drinking enough fluids. I don't have any UTI symptoms.
Otherwise I was feeling quite neutral yesterday, in terms of whether I felt like I was really FEELING pregnant or not. I began to THINK I was. Oh but I did have the same tender breasts symptom that I charted the day before. I had noticed that I hadn't yet felt what I usually do when in early pregnancy - really sore "flashes" of stabby pains. This was just achy and sore, which I can get before periods too. I don't get the flashy pains normally, before periods. Anyway, yesterday afternoon I had some flashy pains!!! I was really excited! :)
So, 8DPO - today! :)
At 4.30am, I woke up because Elijah did, and was PAINFULLY, burningly hungry! I also really really needed a wee, but didn't do anything about either, partly because I had no opportunity, and partly because I wanted to save the wee for a test if my temp stayed up! ;)
I was so excited, but not at all surprised, to get my highest temp yet this cycle!! :D That's a reeeeeeally good sign for me at this stage. I really feel pregnant today - I both think it, and feel it. And the temp was really encouraging. 36.8*c is a temp I don't usually reach on non-pregnant cycles. I mean, I CAN and sometimes do, and a good pregnancy sign for me is getting to 36.9, or a SURE sign is 37.0. I have never reached that unless pregnant, and when pregnant I ALWAYS do, eventually, in my LP. But 36.8 is pretty stonking. I know it can go either way still, but I am sure now that I am pregnant, and just hoping it doesn't end in a chemical pregnancy, as I would love an October baby, and not to have to get into the hassle of Heather starting all her craft fairs from the end of October to just before Christmas (where she would be unavailable to be at the birth as my doula - can't even imagine!!! :( ). I would also just love not to lose this baby...
So of course I tested! ;) The test was negative, though I wondered if mayyyyyyybe there might be the slightest shadow where a line is supposed to be, compared with the day before. But I honestly could well have been seeing things, so I am not putting anything on that. It's definitely a negative test. At only 8DPO, that is not too surprising. I think the earliest I had a proper positive test has been 9DPO, but sometimes I've had a faint line at 10DPO and nothing at 9DPO (once? I can't remember if more than once). Anyway.
So, today I have had plentiful nagging aches and pains around, to the side, and above my pubic bone - mostly on my right side. Sometimes it's like a boring pain. It's actually just started again as I'm writing this. It bothers me every time I'm lying down breastfeeding, but it's not a constant pain at all. It feels similar to cramps, but just not. I also had a moment this afternoon when I was breastfeeding Elijah for his nap, that I started to feel an increasing pressure, like a wave of proper bearing-down type cramps - those felt very much like my period was starting. I have been checking quite a few times today, because sometimes it felt like it was starting, but it never was. No spotting at all, though I have been scrutinising my underwear, lol! I do have the same CM as I mentioned before, still.
Today I asked Neil to check my face (he has always been my chief tester for this particular pregnancy sign, and is very experienced at knowing the difference between normal-soft and pregnant-soft, hehe!), and he stroked my cheek, and had barely touched it when he said, "Yep!" :) Definitely "weirdly soft skin" - as I chart it! I only ever (EVER) get that when pregnant, and usually from about 8, 9 or 10DPO. There isn't another possible explanation for that one! :) I am sure sure SURE that I am pregnant. :)
I am hungrier than usual, and the main thing about it is that I'm suddenly URGENTLY hungry, seemingly out of nowhere, and I MUST eat or else my tummy hurts and I feel weird. I have also been dizzy on and off again today, like I said earlier, and I feel really really exhausted - pregnant exhausted, or about to get my period exhausted.
It hurt to breastfeed the little two at bedtime, and I have just feel very irritable and moody this evening too. Pre-menstrual, sort of, but I strongly suspect it's actually down to pregnancy hormones, such as it has been at this kind of stage in previous pregnancies (and I've always wondered about PMS then too!).
What else? I'm really bloated, as yesterday (and pretty much the day before too, now I think about it). I am also "gassy" in the chartable sense - which is an absolute pregnancy symptom for me, in each and every pregnancy (chemical and not), in my luteal phase. Lovely! ;)
I can't think what else... and I'm really tired out so I am starting to feel a bit woozy and not think too clearly. I'm feeling optimistic and excited about temping in the morning - quite excited to go to bed just because it means the morning will come soon! :) But I'm also slightly wary of being optimistic, because I very easily COULD find that my temp drops, pregnant or not, and I start to bleed. It has happened so many times now, even with a beautiful chart full of obviously pregnant rising temps, or temps that have plateaued out at a high level. Still it can plummet without much warning, and then it's over and done with. This time I don't know what it is... I feel terribly attached already, to the possibility of this particular little one. I don't even know why that should be. It won't have any bearing on whether or not this particular little one stays with me or not, but I think it will have a big impact on my feelings this time if this little one doesn't "stick". I normally just think, "Ah well!" and know that God knows best. This time I just SO want this baby - the feeling has taken me by surprise and just come from nowhere, and I'm trying to mentally chant in the background, "God knows best, God knows best, God knows best..." to keep me focused on what's actually important, not what *I* want. But this time, for some inexplicable reason, it is more difficult. I don't even have confirmation that he/she is even there, but I love this baby so much. I feel really vulnerable even writing about it, without that security of a stick in my hand with two lines on it. It could all crumble away to nothingness tomorrow...
Neil is also sure I'm pregnant. He says he just knows I am. The boys continue to talk about "what we'll call the next baby!" and I found Neil at the computer this evening looking at 15 passenger vans!! :) I keep being distracted by the thought that I might be on my journey to have my 7th, seventh, sev-enth baby!!! Six I had hoped for and longed for, prayed for, even, since I was 6-years-old. Six I had dared to expect, in the last couple of years. But seven? Beyond my heart's desire? Could God - would God really actually be that generous to me? I can't stop thinking about it, and breathlessly asking myself that question. I can't believe He would really bless me that much! More than I ever asked for, even though I asked for quite a generous blessing in the first place! Me - the mother of seven children?! I feel slightly in disbelief that that person could actually be me! And I'm not - yet. Not until I know for sure that I am pregnant. But it feels so close... I can almost touch it. Such a generous and loving God! Now, God also knows that the desire of my heart is to have a daughter, but if He chooses not to give me a daughter, then who am I to complain at him and bemoan the fact that he has given me alllllll these sons!!! "Sons are a heritage from the Lord", says the Bible, and I believe it! :)
I will have to just wait and see. I expect my temperature to be high, still, even if it's a bit lower than today. A big drop would surprise and disappoint me, but I think I would still test all the same. I have 4 tests left. I will definitely use one tomorrow, whatever my temp is.
Thanks so much for keeping up with me and for your lovely excited comments! :) I really love reading them, and I feel kind of surrounded by friends in my journey which is lovely! I will update tomorrow as soon as I can, re. my temp and test. I'll update my chart as well. Back tomorrow! :)
Friday, February 1, 2013
6DPO
Just an update on how this cycle is progressing.
I am 6 days past ovulation today and feeling pretty neutral, physically - neither pregnant nor like a period is coming. It's a weird sort of calm-before-the-storm feeling, and I'm not sure what to make of it!
My temp, which shot up the last time I updated at 4DPO, dropped down a bit the next day, and today was pretty much the same temp (I use a fertility thermometer which has two decimal places, and today's was 0.02 degrees lower - basically nothing). I am just waiting to see what happens tomorrow with that, and I'm unsure what to expect. Maybe it'll drop lower and I'll get my period over the weekend sometime. Or maybe it'll be similar to today's again. Or go up? I will just have to wait and see.
I am having a lot of "different" CM this cycle, since ovulating. I actually went back and changed the last day that I'd charted EWCM - because I am not sure I was right about that. It's continuing the same but it's not true EWCM. Not fertile CM, but certainly different from what I'm used to in my luteal phase. It's sort of like at the end of pregnancy when I lose little bits of my mucus plug (not the proper "show") - sorry for the detail! ;)
Um, what else?....
I have been pretty crampy - that's worth noting. Mild cramps mainly, but I have also had some odd discomfort above my pubic bone - different places at different times, too. Sort of a pully/pressy achy feeling - not like a bruise, mostly like a crampy sensation, but not exactly cramps... I can't really put my finger on it. It's been there since 3DPO, on and off, and when it has been bothersome enough to distract me, I've wondered if maybe there's something up with my bladder/urine, but I think that's all fine. It goes through to my lower back. I've had quite a lot of low backache, and just a low pressure sensation front and centre as well. Such vague feelings, and I can't believe I've had so many pregnancies and I'm still going, "Hmmm, I'm not sure what to make of this....", lol! Today and the day before yesterday (4DPO), I have even charted "bad cramps" very tentatively, because the crampy sensation was actually proper sore. When I went to bed that night at 4DPO, I felt crampy like a period was starting maybe. So for me, that is not my usual mild cramps, and I show that difference by charting them as "bad cramps". Today I have had the same (not yesterday though). I second guess myself a lot and wonder if I've just "tweaked" some muscle or ligament in my pelvic region, or something daft like that! ;) But I don't know. It's bothering me now even, all of my lower back, but deep, not surface muscles, and above my pubic bone about 1 inch on my right side. I have only ever charted "bad cramps" (as I've probably said a zillion times over the years, lol!) when I am pregnant, even if it's a chemical pregnancy in the end. I haven't ever had bad cramps in my luteal phase when I am not pregnant. Ever. Once I thought I was wrong for the first time ever - I had bad cramps, felt sure it must mean pregnancy, and then got my period and pretty much said, "Ah well! There's a first time for everything!" thinking that I had finally been proven wrong on the "I only get bad cramps when I'm pregnant" thing. And then I discovered Elijah was on the way a couple of weeks later! ;)
Soooo, going by that, I would say the cramps are pretty self-explanatory and they make me feel pretty confident that they are implantation cramps! :) I am trying not to get overly excited about it because I have had too many occasions where that implantation never got finished because of a short luteal phase, and it could happen the same way this time. I was driving to an appointment this afternoon, and thinking about it as I went along, and I thought that surely it was too early anyway at 8 months PP, for my luteal phase to be likely to sustain a pregnancy. I'm not sure why it escaped my mind that my last two babies were conceived at 8 months PP! I also thought that because my LP was only 7 days long, the LP in my next cycle would surely not be long enough yet. But then I checked my chart this evening and saw that the cycle before Elijah was conceived had a 6 day LP. So, I guess anything is possible! :)
Today's appointment was a follow-up with the stone clinic at the hospital - after my kidney stone in July 2011. The consultant is going to discharge me back to my GP if an ultrasound and X-ray of my bladder and kidneys shows me to be stone-free at the moment. I have a greater chance of developing kidney stones now that I've had one in the past (whoop. dee doo.). So today was my appointment for those tests. I had the ultrasound which took aaaaages, and I'm so thrilled that they didn't find any stones even though they searched for ages! :) Small stones can't be seen on ultrasound so there might be some of those, but hopefully not, and they're small enough so that they pass without causing trouble, apparently. Anyway, I knew that I shouldn't have an X-ray if I'm pregnant, and I'd googled this week to check if that was true of very early pregnancy. It is. So when they said that I would be going for an X-ray next, I said, "Hmmm, I might possibly be pregnant...." and they said that they have pregnancy tests if I needed to find out. I told them that I was only a week past ovulation, and they said that I had better hold onto the request form and make an appointment for an X-ray at least 10 days after my period starts. If it doesn't start, then obviously I wait until after the baby is born. But if it does, they have a rule of waiting 10 days, and no parsnips are allowed from the start of that cycle until after the X-ray. The hospital is brilliant and it turned out that I could attend a walk-in X-ray clinic (!!!) at my own convenience, any day of the week or at the weekend, so long as I have the request form. I would have loved to find out once and for all today whether I have any kidney stones at all, but I feel happy to have made the decision for the wellbeing of my tiny tiny little baby (if that tiny tiny little baby is in there). Even if I am pregnant and lose this little one, I will feel like I have made a decision on something for him/her - something I planned to do was changed for that baby's sake, and that makes the baby all the more real somehow, even if I end up with a chemical pregnancy again. I will be able to think, "Oh remember when I declined that X-ray because of the baby?" That feels comforting. Because I have no idea whether I will get to keep this little one (and I guess by the way I'm apparently writing, I do feel like I am carrying one, then...), being able to think of something tangible like that will make that baby permanently real to me.
Anyway. So I haven't had an X-ray yet, and maybe I won't?! ;) I can't tell anyone why I haven't had it, so I'm hoping nobody asks, or else just not mentioning much about my appointment to family, etc!
The doctor who did my ultrasound was so lovely. She said, "Aw, will it be your first?" lol! I NEVER get tired of these moments, hehehe! I told her that I have six children, and she looked rather shocked, haha!! :)
Well let's see... what else? I have had some breast tenderness since 4DPO. A sort of bruised feeling that throbs, and comes and goes, not the usual tenderness, but not the flashing pain that I often get in early pregnancy either. It's not there all the time, and it's not all that bothersome, but I'm making note of it all the same, for future reference.
I am charting increased appetite today, not that I'm ravenous before meals are due or anything, but because for breakfast I had 4 waffles, butter and maple syrup, and then for lunch I ate a load of leftover chicken pasta bake and a sandwich (!), and then for dinner I ate a huge plateful of salmon in white wine sauce, pasta and vegetables! And THEN put away a slice of chocolate brownie cheesecake. Oh yes. And that doesn't include snacks (of which there have been quite a few. *cough*) I have been hungry before all my meals, but not painfully or long before they're due. I have had a lower than usual appetite for the past few days, so this is a huge contrast. I'm also much more thirsty today than I have been, even though I'm drinking more today.
I have had the strangest feeling through the middle part of the day today. I kept needing to go and check whether or not my period was starting. I kept feeling sort of leaky, and with a crampy sensation which made me feel SURE I was starting my period, so I would go and check or wipe, and of course there was no blood. That's something that I remember from early on in my pregnancies, but I can't remember whether or not I also found that it happened sometimes when I wasn't pregnant too.
I think that's it really. Oh but yesterday afternoon, Matthew randomly made a suggestion for what we could call the next baby while he was in my tummy! And today - completely out of nowhere - Nathan did the same thing, and Matthew overheard him, and the two of them started coming up with suggestions (sillier and sillier as time went on, I might add!), until Arthur joined in as well. Arthur has been actually pestering me to pee on sticks, and asking when a new baby would be in my tummy, etc. for some months! Today while they were discussing names, he suddenly said, "Mummy, do you have a new baby in your tummy now?" and I told him that I couldn't answer his question, because I didn't know the answer at the moment. He said, "You could wee on one of those sticks..." and I told him that was a decision between Mummy and Daddy! I don't want him to know "early" before I'm ready to tell them, when I get pregnant. I want to announce it, and probably not the day I test positive either. I want to be a bit creative with them, if I can, because the older ones are old enough to appreciate a bit of cryptic excitement now! ;) We'll see. I think I managed to throw him off the scent anyway. I love that they're suddenly asking random pregnancy-related things, since yesterday! :)
The only other thing of note is that I have been feeling really quite depressed and unhappy this week. Heather emailed me to ask for an update on the social services situation (she's a great support), and I did update her, and then ended up sending her a separate (very long!) email just spilling out my entiiiiire heart on everything. She emailed me back with lots of love and encouragement, and some suggestions, and said we need to chat face-to-face about some of the things I told her about in my email. So tomorrow morning I am meeting her for coffee somewhere (Neil is looking after the boys, including little 'Lijah!) while I do that. Nervous, but reliiiieved to have a wonderful friend to really talk to over things that are overwhelming me. Our church has a special event on for ladies tomorrow evening as well, and Heather bought us both tickets to go! Wine, music, laughs, chocolate - sounds wonderful! :) Have I mentioned lately that I love love love Heather completely?!! :)
So, I will see what my temp does in the morning, and hopefully if I'm going to get my period it will wait until a convenient time like Sunday afternoon, lol! I will keep my chart updated even if I haven't updated here, but I'll aim to update here soon as well.
Ella, if I am pregnant, I will be due October 19th! :)
I am 6 days past ovulation today and feeling pretty neutral, physically - neither pregnant nor like a period is coming. It's a weird sort of calm-before-the-storm feeling, and I'm not sure what to make of it!
My temp, which shot up the last time I updated at 4DPO, dropped down a bit the next day, and today was pretty much the same temp (I use a fertility thermometer which has two decimal places, and today's was 0.02 degrees lower - basically nothing). I am just waiting to see what happens tomorrow with that, and I'm unsure what to expect. Maybe it'll drop lower and I'll get my period over the weekend sometime. Or maybe it'll be similar to today's again. Or go up? I will just have to wait and see.
I am having a lot of "different" CM this cycle, since ovulating. I actually went back and changed the last day that I'd charted EWCM - because I am not sure I was right about that. It's continuing the same but it's not true EWCM. Not fertile CM, but certainly different from what I'm used to in my luteal phase. It's sort of like at the end of pregnancy when I lose little bits of my mucus plug (not the proper "show") - sorry for the detail! ;)
Um, what else?....
I have been pretty crampy - that's worth noting. Mild cramps mainly, but I have also had some odd discomfort above my pubic bone - different places at different times, too. Sort of a pully/pressy achy feeling - not like a bruise, mostly like a crampy sensation, but not exactly cramps... I can't really put my finger on it. It's been there since 3DPO, on and off, and when it has been bothersome enough to distract me, I've wondered if maybe there's something up with my bladder/urine, but I think that's all fine. It goes through to my lower back. I've had quite a lot of low backache, and just a low pressure sensation front and centre as well. Such vague feelings, and I can't believe I've had so many pregnancies and I'm still going, "Hmmm, I'm not sure what to make of this....", lol! Today and the day before yesterday (4DPO), I have even charted "bad cramps" very tentatively, because the crampy sensation was actually proper sore. When I went to bed that night at 4DPO, I felt crampy like a period was starting maybe. So for me, that is not my usual mild cramps, and I show that difference by charting them as "bad cramps". Today I have had the same (not yesterday though). I second guess myself a lot and wonder if I've just "tweaked" some muscle or ligament in my pelvic region, or something daft like that! ;) But I don't know. It's bothering me now even, all of my lower back, but deep, not surface muscles, and above my pubic bone about 1 inch on my right side. I have only ever charted "bad cramps" (as I've probably said a zillion times over the years, lol!) when I am pregnant, even if it's a chemical pregnancy in the end. I haven't ever had bad cramps in my luteal phase when I am not pregnant. Ever. Once I thought I was wrong for the first time ever - I had bad cramps, felt sure it must mean pregnancy, and then got my period and pretty much said, "Ah well! There's a first time for everything!" thinking that I had finally been proven wrong on the "I only get bad cramps when I'm pregnant" thing. And then I discovered Elijah was on the way a couple of weeks later! ;)
Soooo, going by that, I would say the cramps are pretty self-explanatory and they make me feel pretty confident that they are implantation cramps! :) I am trying not to get overly excited about it because I have had too many occasions where that implantation never got finished because of a short luteal phase, and it could happen the same way this time. I was driving to an appointment this afternoon, and thinking about it as I went along, and I thought that surely it was too early anyway at 8 months PP, for my luteal phase to be likely to sustain a pregnancy. I'm not sure why it escaped my mind that my last two babies were conceived at 8 months PP! I also thought that because my LP was only 7 days long, the LP in my next cycle would surely not be long enough yet. But then I checked my chart this evening and saw that the cycle before Elijah was conceived had a 6 day LP. So, I guess anything is possible! :)
Today's appointment was a follow-up with the stone clinic at the hospital - after my kidney stone in July 2011. The consultant is going to discharge me back to my GP if an ultrasound and X-ray of my bladder and kidneys shows me to be stone-free at the moment. I have a greater chance of developing kidney stones now that I've had one in the past (whoop. dee doo.). So today was my appointment for those tests. I had the ultrasound which took aaaaages, and I'm so thrilled that they didn't find any stones even though they searched for ages! :) Small stones can't be seen on ultrasound so there might be some of those, but hopefully not, and they're small enough so that they pass without causing trouble, apparently. Anyway, I knew that I shouldn't have an X-ray if I'm pregnant, and I'd googled this week to check if that was true of very early pregnancy. It is. So when they said that I would be going for an X-ray next, I said, "Hmmm, I might possibly be pregnant...." and they said that they have pregnancy tests if I needed to find out. I told them that I was only a week past ovulation, and they said that I had better hold onto the request form and make an appointment for an X-ray at least 10 days after my period starts. If it doesn't start, then obviously I wait until after the baby is born. But if it does, they have a rule of waiting 10 days, and no parsnips are allowed from the start of that cycle until after the X-ray. The hospital is brilliant and it turned out that I could attend a walk-in X-ray clinic (!!!) at my own convenience, any day of the week or at the weekend, so long as I have the request form. I would have loved to find out once and for all today whether I have any kidney stones at all, but I feel happy to have made the decision for the wellbeing of my tiny tiny little baby (if that tiny tiny little baby is in there). Even if I am pregnant and lose this little one, I will feel like I have made a decision on something for him/her - something I planned to do was changed for that baby's sake, and that makes the baby all the more real somehow, even if I end up with a chemical pregnancy again. I will be able to think, "Oh remember when I declined that X-ray because of the baby?" That feels comforting. Because I have no idea whether I will get to keep this little one (and I guess by the way I'm apparently writing, I do feel like I am carrying one, then...), being able to think of something tangible like that will make that baby permanently real to me.
Anyway. So I haven't had an X-ray yet, and maybe I won't?! ;) I can't tell anyone why I haven't had it, so I'm hoping nobody asks, or else just not mentioning much about my appointment to family, etc!
The doctor who did my ultrasound was so lovely. She said, "Aw, will it be your first?" lol! I NEVER get tired of these moments, hehehe! I told her that I have six children, and she looked rather shocked, haha!! :)
Well let's see... what else? I have had some breast tenderness since 4DPO. A sort of bruised feeling that throbs, and comes and goes, not the usual tenderness, but not the flashing pain that I often get in early pregnancy either. It's not there all the time, and it's not all that bothersome, but I'm making note of it all the same, for future reference.
I am charting increased appetite today, not that I'm ravenous before meals are due or anything, but because for breakfast I had 4 waffles, butter and maple syrup, and then for lunch I ate a load of leftover chicken pasta bake and a sandwich (!), and then for dinner I ate a huge plateful of salmon in white wine sauce, pasta and vegetables! And THEN put away a slice of chocolate brownie cheesecake. Oh yes. And that doesn't include snacks (of which there have been quite a few. *cough*) I have been hungry before all my meals, but not painfully or long before they're due. I have had a lower than usual appetite for the past few days, so this is a huge contrast. I'm also much more thirsty today than I have been, even though I'm drinking more today.
I have had the strangest feeling through the middle part of the day today. I kept needing to go and check whether or not my period was starting. I kept feeling sort of leaky, and with a crampy sensation which made me feel SURE I was starting my period, so I would go and check or wipe, and of course there was no blood. That's something that I remember from early on in my pregnancies, but I can't remember whether or not I also found that it happened sometimes when I wasn't pregnant too.
I think that's it really. Oh but yesterday afternoon, Matthew randomly made a suggestion for what we could call the next baby while he was in my tummy! And today - completely out of nowhere - Nathan did the same thing, and Matthew overheard him, and the two of them started coming up with suggestions (sillier and sillier as time went on, I might add!), until Arthur joined in as well. Arthur has been actually pestering me to pee on sticks, and asking when a new baby would be in my tummy, etc. for some months! Today while they were discussing names, he suddenly said, "Mummy, do you have a new baby in your tummy now?" and I told him that I couldn't answer his question, because I didn't know the answer at the moment. He said, "You could wee on one of those sticks..." and I told him that was a decision between Mummy and Daddy! I don't want him to know "early" before I'm ready to tell them, when I get pregnant. I want to announce it, and probably not the day I test positive either. I want to be a bit creative with them, if I can, because the older ones are old enough to appreciate a bit of cryptic excitement now! ;) We'll see. I think I managed to throw him off the scent anyway. I love that they're suddenly asking random pregnancy-related things, since yesterday! :)
The only other thing of note is that I have been feeling really quite depressed and unhappy this week. Heather emailed me to ask for an update on the social services situation (she's a great support), and I did update her, and then ended up sending her a separate (very long!) email just spilling out my entiiiiire heart on everything. She emailed me back with lots of love and encouragement, and some suggestions, and said we need to chat face-to-face about some of the things I told her about in my email. So tomorrow morning I am meeting her for coffee somewhere (Neil is looking after the boys, including little 'Lijah!) while I do that. Nervous, but reliiiieved to have a wonderful friend to really talk to over things that are overwhelming me. Our church has a special event on for ladies tomorrow evening as well, and Heather bought us both tickets to go! Wine, music, laughs, chocolate - sounds wonderful! :) Have I mentioned lately that I love love love Heather completely?!! :)
So, I will see what my temp does in the morning, and hopefully if I'm going to get my period it will wait until a convenient time like Sunday afternoon, lol! I will keep my chart updated even if I haven't updated here, but I'll aim to update here soon as well.
Ella, if I am pregnant, I will be due October 19th! :)
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
4DPO!
Just to quickly say THANK YOU so much for the supportive, loving comments. You guys uplift me so much, I can't tell you! :) I love you!
Also, I did ovulate! :) I'm currently 4DPO, although for some reason it feels like much longer since I ovulated. My temps did a slow-ish climb and FF put my ovulation at the day after the parsnips, even though I continued have EWCM for a few more days. I had to chart EWCM because it had certain.... characteristics (!) that only EWCM does, even though I was pretty sure it wasn't particularly fertile CM. It was like, instead of going away the day after I ovulate, it was having a more gradual disappearance!
Anyway! Moving on from the TMI! ;)
I'm only 4DPO but I feel... odd, further on, somehow. At what I now know to be 2DPO (before the chart had shown my ovulation having occurred yet), I had some weird sensations above and behind my pubic bone, like crampiness. It continued into yesterday morning - when I went to climb over the stair gate (long story!), there was a discomfort just above my pubic bone that felt for all the world like a mini ligament pain. If I was 8DPO I would most definitely be taking that as a pregnancy sign, but at TWO DPO?! Way too early.
Yesterday, at 3DPO, I had such an unhappy day. I just felt like crying all day long, and couldn't cope with the general running of the day/children/house. I had so little energy, emotionally as well as physically. I am going to chart "weepy" when I update my chart in a minute. That, again, is sometimes a pregnancy sign in my luteal phase, but in past pregnancies it has occurred at 4-5DPO instead. 3DPO is really tooooo early. Anyway, noted.
Yesterday I had a little dip in temp, almost low enough to be a pre-ovulatory temp, and I wondered if I would even get my coverline on my chart for ovulation because it had gone back down. But I did anyway, and then today - TODAY! - my temp shot up like craaaaazy!!! I'll have to see whether it drops back a bit tomorrow, but 36.75 is a high temp for me at just 4DPO - higher than usual, I think. My chart isn't very pretty this cycle, lol! It's a bit spikey!
This morning I don't feel weepy (so far) but I DO have what feels to me like bad cramps, low down. It feels like mild period pain, and goes through my back. Again, this would all be making me think pregnancy, except for how EARLY it is. So I will just have to watch and wait. Charting bad cramps today because of the pain I'm in at the moment, which, as you might know, I have only ever had to chart during my luteal phase when I am actually pregnant. With Elijah I had it (I always do when pregnant) and then apparently got my period, so for the first time I felt like I had been wrong about the bad cramps meaning pregnancy. Then lo and behold, a positive test a couple of weeks later! ;) So I would be saying, "Woohoooo, bad cramps! I know what that means!" but it's surely too early?! Unless I ovulated a day earlier than the chart says? I had ovulation pain at bedtime the day of the parsnips, but then I had some ovulation pain the next morning too, and my temp was still low enough to be a pre-ovulatory temp, so....
All my implantations have happened between 4 and 7DPO - ALL of them, even the 9 chemical pregnancies, as far as I know. So I am now in the right window for that, but yesterday? Implantation would explain the big temp jump today, but I will have to just see what my temps do for the next couple of days to be sure it isn't just a freaky temp or something.
Anyway, that is the update! :) Back soon!
Also, I did ovulate! :) I'm currently 4DPO, although for some reason it feels like much longer since I ovulated. My temps did a slow-ish climb and FF put my ovulation at the day after the parsnips, even though I continued have EWCM for a few more days. I had to chart EWCM because it had certain.... characteristics (!) that only EWCM does, even though I was pretty sure it wasn't particularly fertile CM. It was like, instead of going away the day after I ovulate, it was having a more gradual disappearance!
Anyway! Moving on from the TMI! ;)
I'm only 4DPO but I feel... odd, further on, somehow. At what I now know to be 2DPO (before the chart had shown my ovulation having occurred yet), I had some weird sensations above and behind my pubic bone, like crampiness. It continued into yesterday morning - when I went to climb over the stair gate (long story!), there was a discomfort just above my pubic bone that felt for all the world like a mini ligament pain. If I was 8DPO I would most definitely be taking that as a pregnancy sign, but at TWO DPO?! Way too early.
Yesterday, at 3DPO, I had such an unhappy day. I just felt like crying all day long, and couldn't cope with the general running of the day/children/house. I had so little energy, emotionally as well as physically. I am going to chart "weepy" when I update my chart in a minute. That, again, is sometimes a pregnancy sign in my luteal phase, but in past pregnancies it has occurred at 4-5DPO instead. 3DPO is really tooooo early. Anyway, noted.
Yesterday I had a little dip in temp, almost low enough to be a pre-ovulatory temp, and I wondered if I would even get my coverline on my chart for ovulation because it had gone back down. But I did anyway, and then today - TODAY! - my temp shot up like craaaaazy!!! I'll have to see whether it drops back a bit tomorrow, but 36.75 is a high temp for me at just 4DPO - higher than usual, I think. My chart isn't very pretty this cycle, lol! It's a bit spikey!
This morning I don't feel weepy (so far) but I DO have what feels to me like bad cramps, low down. It feels like mild period pain, and goes through my back. Again, this would all be making me think pregnancy, except for how EARLY it is. So I will just have to watch and wait. Charting bad cramps today because of the pain I'm in at the moment, which, as you might know, I have only ever had to chart during my luteal phase when I am actually pregnant. With Elijah I had it (I always do when pregnant) and then apparently got my period, so for the first time I felt like I had been wrong about the bad cramps meaning pregnancy. Then lo and behold, a positive test a couple of weeks later! ;) So I would be saying, "Woohoooo, bad cramps! I know what that means!" but it's surely too early?! Unless I ovulated a day earlier than the chart says? I had ovulation pain at bedtime the day of the parsnips, but then I had some ovulation pain the next morning too, and my temp was still low enough to be a pre-ovulatory temp, so....
All my implantations have happened between 4 and 7DPO - ALL of them, even the 9 chemical pregnancies, as far as I know. So I am now in the right window for that, but yesterday? Implantation would explain the big temp jump today, but I will have to just see what my temps do for the next couple of days to be sure it isn't just a freaky temp or something.
Anyway, that is the update! :) Back soon!
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