Vindicated! ;)

Sooo here I am at 11DPO - yes, ELEVEN!!! :D

I woke up this morning from a vivid scary dream about watching the sky turn suddenly into a swirling vortex and tornados touch the ground and chunks of clouds falling off as fire and sparks (who has recently read Revelation, huh?! ;) ), and then I was AWAKE. I touched my skin - WEIRDLY soft. I put the thermometer in my mouth, and lo and behold it was 37.0!!!!!! Not only a humongous jump but also a temp that I pretty much never reach except in my pregnancy cycles! 37.0!!! At 11DPO!!! With a short luteal phase!!!! I was sooooo excited.

I went straight to the bathroom and took a test. THERE'S A LINE, THERE'S A LINE!!!!! People, there's a LIIIIIINE!!!! It's so faint, but nothing at all like the kind of faint that I was talking about with the earlier tests. This is a really visible line, but just faint. I called Neil upstairs (he knew what my temp was and that I was testing) to ask him to check it for me so I could be sure it wasn't just me being crazy, hehe! He took one look at it and said, "Yes, there's a line!" and we had a big hug! :)

Just soooooooooo excited right now!!! So I feel ever so relieved about the confusion I was having and my feelings that I was pregnant, which I was beginning to not trust. Thankfully I was right and I apparently CAN trust myself! ;)

I took a photo, poor light because it's horribly dingy and rainy this morning - not sure if you'll see the line on this one:



And then I fiddled about with it to make it more clear (darker still, sorry!):



Do you see it now? It's definitely there, even if a photo isn't cooperating with me very well to show it!

I'M PREGNANT!!!! :D :D :D

Baby #5 (be still my heart!!) is due December 13th according to FF based on my ovulation date. I will have had a baby in 2008, 2009, and 2010! :)

I will definitely be back later to update again, but I have to get started on my day. We were going to go to the Good Friday walk of witness in town with some people from our church, but it's really raining so I am not sure about it now. I feel a bit shaky! :) I wasn't crampy on waking, but I'm starting to be crampy again now a bit like yesterday - not so bad as yesterday yet though. No other symptoms to report yet. I'll be back later!!!!! :D

[Edited to add: PLEASE DO NOT MENTION AT FACEBOOK!! Thank you! :)]

10DPO confusion!

Well I'm still here! At the end of the day! At 10DPO! Curiouser and curiouser...

So in a nutshell (well, you know my "nutshells", but I'll give it a go! Ha!):

* Another drop in temp this morning but 0.1 degree (same amount as yesterday's drop) to 36.6. Still high enough. Still triphasic. But definitely dropping away from the higher flatline that I had before. So, obviously I totally expected my period to arrive today and I did not even think of testing this morning.

* Headache from waking pretty much, so I presumed that to be a "pre-period" type of headache. Got bad enough by lunchtime to take painkillers, and then it eased off (surprisingly), but came back a bit later. It's gone this evening.

* Crampy. Oh my goodness, CRAMPY. Since first thing, and almost continuously throughout the day. I'm REALLY confused about the cramps. I charted bad cramps from yesterday evening, and STILL have no period, which has never happened before without me being pregnant. I really do expect to see my period, such is my lack of confidence now, and also with the dropping temps, but it's confusing because it will be the very first time I have ever had bad cramps before a period arriving in my life. Except for each and every time I conceive, that is! ;)

The cramps today have been worse than yesterday's, which I am really surprised about. They have been as bad as if I actually HAD my period at that moment, and I took painkillers for my headache but hoped they would also work on my cramps, as they were ever so uncomfortable and sore, and just constantly bothersome and distracting. My lower back ached with them too. They felt hot and heavy and "full", and sometimes really pressurey. They made me feel a bit queasy at times, and I generally felt a bit lightheaded and completely (COMPLETELY) exhausted. I have never ever had cramps like this before a period! It has been such a weird and confusing day! I have occasionally felt sure I had a leaky feel going on, but never had any bleeding or even spotting, when I went to check. I was utterly convinced all day long that my period was about 2 seconds away, and I have lost count of how many times I went to check (20 or so?!)! Craziness. I was surprised and perplexed every single time, because I was SO SURE I had started my period with cramps like that and a slightly leaky feel. I only had a little CM today, even so.

Then I was putting Benjamin to bed at 7pm and suddenly it struck me that I had NO cramps. None whatsoever. My back even felt okay! About 8pm I started to feel crampy again, and it has been on and off this evening since then (it's only 9.30pm now though, not that much later). Right now I have no cramps. Or maybe if it reeeally focus on it and squirm a bit (!) then I might be mildly crampy like I was from ovulation. Hmmm... This is all a typical pattern of the type of cramps I am usually experiencing by this kind of stage of my luteal phase when I am pregnant, every single time.

* Tired. Ridiculously exhausted, and mostly physical too, not just sleepy. My shoulders want to curve over all the time and my chest wants to cave in, and I feel breathless most of the time with how tired I feel. My skin feels like it's hanging heavily off my bones. Just so tired out today, for no particular reason. Could be pre-period-ish of me though.

* Neil was giving me a cuddle when I was making the dinner in the kitchen this afternoon, and he put his hands under my shirt up my back and stopped suddenly and said how my skin was really softer than usual. He touched my cheeks and said definitely as soft as when I'm pregnant. So I have charted "weirdly soft skin" - another thing I only experience when I'm pregnant. Maybe I was just warm from leaning over the oven or something and that made my skin feel softer though? I asked him again this evening and he said, "Hmmm.... not sure.... to be confirmed!" Which is no help at all, lol! So I don't know. But I charted it because of what he said earlier. Very odd if I am getting my period.

* Forgot to say yesterday about the sore throat that I mentioned the day before. It has hung around, but on and off and very mild. It can't make up its mind. I am just now aware of it again so it reminded me to write about it here. It's definitely not anything illness-related, so it could be the same kind of thing that I had at this stage in my LP with Matthew and Nathan's pregnancies. I am also a bit gunky at the back of my nose, but don't particularly need to blow my nose, nor am I congested. That is something I am familiar with from all my pregnancies too, but I suppose it could happen at other times? I don't know.

* Tonight I am noticing something that I sort of noticed last night but brushed it off. This is a new symptom and one which isn't very familiar to me as a pregnancy symptom. I have a constantly watering mouth tonight, and a distractingly metallic taste in my mouth. Yesterday evening I had the same thing all evening, but after wondering about it a few times, I finally put it down to the possibility that I just had a little bit of Benjamin's moisturising cream left on a finger and perhaps I'd chewed that finger and the effect was a metallic taste in my mouth? That seemed plausible to me so I left it at that and thought nothing more of it. Tonight it's exactly the same. I have noticed a bit of mouth-watering earlier in the day but no particular weird taste. But this evening it's constant and really distracting. It's not horribly unpleasant but imagine it would be if I felt sick at the same time. My mouth is really watering all the time. Yuck! I feel fine though. I have felt queasy a few times today but I think that's tied to the crampiness more than anything else. I've eaten fine, but not had an increased appetite today.

* Gassy as usual. Much more bloated today than previous days, and it's all water-retention on my tummy from the look/feel of it, so that would be a typical about-to-get-my-period sign for me from what I remember - but I usually get that AS I get my period, rather than the day(s) before. I can't remember if I have ever had that in my luteal phase when I've been pregnant, so I can't compare.

* Still peeing more frequently than usual.

I'm really confused as to how I am getting persistant or even new symptoms that point more to pregnancy than my period coming, when my temps are actually dropping down towards getting my period. I would have thought my symptoms would disappear or reduce greatly as my temp went down, because the thing causing my temp to go down would also be the thing causing symptoms to disappear?

Well, once again I have NO idea what to expect in the morning! My strong leaning is that because of my temp pattern, I will get a further drop (possibly a big one, though that's what I thought would happen THIS morning) and then my period tomorrow at some point, which would give me another 10 day luteal phase. If I wasn't temping, and only had symptoms to go by, then because my symptoms and signs are SO strong and SO obvious (apart from the temps confusing things!), I would not have a shadow of a doubt that I am pregnant right now. Because I really do feel pregnant still, but I look at my temps and think that I must just be imagining things because surely they mean I will get my period? I don't know! Well, I guess I will just have to wait till the morning and see what the thermometer says. That should finally confirm it for me, and then I'll know. I will update my chart first thing as usual so that I don't keep anyone hanging (in case anyone is, lol!). I'm glad I will have a 10 day luteal phase again, but a little deflated to feel so confused and like I don't know what I'm talking about any more, regarding my body and the signs it's putting out! Oh well. If I hadn't just had a couple of chemical pregnancies in a row, I wouldn't be hesitating to call this a chemical pregnancy, because as far as signs and my chart go, EVERYTHING points to it. But it feels awkward labelling it that AGAIN after the two previous times really, in case it really ISN'T. Or something. Although, the cramps alone are an absolute assurance, for me, of pregnancy, whether I get my period or not. Until I get this doubting thing going on and start to think, well maybe they are just the "new me" as far as a normal non-pregnant luteal phase in the day or two before a period starts? I guess that is possible, though it still seems unlikely, given my history right from when I first started periods, and of course all my pregnant luteal phases.

Nicola, I had to check my chart history to answer your question! If I am not pregnant this cycle then yes, it will be the longest number of cycles after having a baby without being pregnant yet. After Arthur was born, I got pregnant with Matthew on my 5th cycle. After Matthew was born, I got pregnant with Nathan on my 5th cycle. After Nathan was born, I got pregnant with Benjamin on my 4th cycle. And I started my cycles again several months earlier after Benjamin was born, than I have ever done before. So I am now at the end of my 5th cycle since he was born. I have never had a 6th cycle in a row after having a baby before, so that will be a first for me if I get my period! :)

So, that nutshell: I think I am pregnant. But I think I am getting my period. And I think I am not sure about either of those things.

I am going to go to bed EARLY tonight, now that I've written this post, because I'm really tired, I have no Bible to catch up on (kind of sad really), and it will mean the morning comes quicker to put an end to my confuzzled state! ;) I'll update tomorrow.

9DPO

Well, I'm 9 days past ovulation today and this morning I had a slight dip in temp to 36.7, down from my flat temps at 36.8. I know it's still high and still triphasic, but still it's a dip at 9DPO, and then I tested (just because) and it was still negative - well, that too faint to call positive line - and now I'm just feeling really doubtful and unconfident about my ability to discern what's going on in my body! I wonder if these lines are just evaporation lines? They are very like the ones I called positive in the end last cycle, but they do show up within 5 minutes so that's less likely I guess. Definitely negative tests though.

I do feel a bit silly, because the negatives which were SURE to happen this early are throwing my confidence about the outcome of this cycle, especially given my history the previous 2 cycles in a row of feeling SURE I was pregnant (lots of obvious signs, chart concurring, etc) but negative or almost-negative/vaguely-positive tests and then a period after all. I feel unconfident suddenly about declaring that I feel pregnant or posting a "definitely" pregnant symptom, because I really truly have no idea whether I will actually get my period anyway. Or not. I have no way of knowing, pregnant at this moment or not, and well, 3 times in a row starts to look daft! I know it's my blog and my thoughts, and I'm glad I can post anything really and people are loving and supportive, but still I don't like seeming daft!

Anyway. I do actually FEEL pregnant. Things still smell yucky and get me feeling a bit gaggy. I am still peeing more frequently (3 days is it now?) and that's consistent and the same every day. Not crazy peeing like waking in the night, but if I go at 1am then when Benji wakes at 6am I really need a wee then too, these last few days. I need to go twice during the evening, and a few times during the day. I know this doesn't sound like much, but I usually pee on rising, maybe one other time in the day, and then mayyyybe in the evening once (not always), and then at bedtime. It's not uncommon for me to pee on rising (if it's the weekend and I lie in) and then need a wee next in the evening, and go then or at bedtime. Bad, I know! ;) But that's why it's really clear to me that I'm consistently needing to pee more often at the moment. Just these last 3 days.

I have increased appetite today, definitely. And am extra tired. I did put together a drop-leaf table that arrived today and that was a little bit of physical work, so I do feel physically tired from that I guess, but I generally feel really tired and breathless. I forgot to describe that part over the last few days - I have felt quite breathless with the tiredness I've been having, and I notice it especially after going up the stairs or when talking to someone at length, which is a bit odd really. I have a headache tonight and had a slight one this morning. Tonight's is in my neck mostly (and now in my forehead) probably due to reading with intensity on and off through the day and evening as it's Day 90 of my challenge to read the whole Bible in 90 days today!!! :) I did it!!! :D

I've had some queasiness here and there today, and my gassiness as there as it has been since a couple of days after ovulating.

I definitely have tender breasts today, they generally feel a bit heavy and achy, but not noticably all the time. Other times I have had moments of n*pple tenderness or generalised achy tenderness. So, that's pregnant of me too, but I guess it could be a pre-period sign as well. I just can't really remember that any more.

This afternoon I had a wave of feeling more crampy than usual (that is, more than the fairly continuous mild cramps (barely bothersome but there) that I've been having since ovulation). Just for a moment it felt like a wave of slightly queasy vice-like pain, and then went off again. Since then I have had more waves that have lasted longer, and also some persistant crampiness that I could almost chart as "bad cramps" on my right side (over that same place where I had ovulation pain and then twinges a bit later on, etc). This isn't implantation or ovulation-like pain though. It's crampiness, plain and simple. I also have more of a pressing boring pain/ache on that right side at the right edge of my pubic bone, almost below the bone itself, it's so low. I can actually put my finger on it, but it's deep inside. I have had some twinges and pully sensations, very tiny but there, on my left side too inside my hip today.

This evening from about 8pm I have felt more and more crampy, and it has sometimes felt a little bit vice-like with pressure, and hot and queasyish, like period pains. At one point I was sure my period must be starting. It bothered me when I was sitting still on the sofa, or when I was standing in the kitchen talking to Neil or making dinner. Just on and off, but mostly on. It was wave-like, but constant, if that makes sense.

I started to feel sure my period was starting, and said so to Neil, but when I checked (I felt a bit leaky), there was only a little bit of CM and nothing else. I checked later and still nothing. Right now it's late (midnight! Benjamin has woken 6 (SIX!!!!) times this evening for some reason, just seeming wakeful (as he has for several evenings this week!) so that has meant this post has been written in bits and pieces and I'm only now getting to finish it and post it before getting in bed. Right now I feel really quite crampy and uncomfortable. I feel it in my lower back, across the whole "period pain" area at the front, etc. I also feel extra soreness on and off at the right edge of my pubic bone like I mentioned before. That's odd, if I'm getting my period.

So although I felt hesitant and nervous about the possibility earlier this evening, I now need to chart "bad cramps" for today, because these are definitely bad cramps! I know that, statistically for me, if my period doesn't show up soon after, I am pregnant - with bad cramps during my LP. But I'm nervous that I'll just go ahead and get a period anyway, even after bad cramps in my LP after saying I NEVER get that unless I'm pregnant! *sigh* I guess I'm starting to doubt myself at the moment. Am I pregnant and heading for ANOTHER chemical pregnancy? Am I kidding myself?! I do have extensive history to go by and back up certain signs and symptoms, and I do (think?!) I know my body pretty well, with lots of experience of what very early pregnancy feels like.

Anyway, all I can do is chart symptoms as they occur and see what pans out. I do feel pregnant, but I don't have any confidence that I'll continue to be (if I really am) for even another 24 hours. I am actually not looking forward to temping in the morning, because I feel unconfident and sort of expect to see another drop in temp, or at least not a rebound to the flat line of 36.8. And if I do see another drop in temp then my period is pretty much a dead cert for tomorrow at some point. Which a) isn't much fun, b) gives me a shorter luteal phase than last time (9 days), and c) is a bit disappointing, because I'd love to be pregnant again! :) But oh well! All this kind of talk is not evidence of me "trusting" God!! And I say I do, so I MUST act like it! Because I really do, underneath it all. I just get distracted. Which I shouldn't! ;)

So, I am not planning to test tomorrow. I will just temp and see if it drops some more, or if it stays the same or what. I would really just like my luteal phase to stay 10 days or more, which would mean my temp staying up till 11DPO or later really. But, I'm 10DPO tomorrow! That's not bad for She of Short Luteal Phases! :) I'll update my chart first thing with my temp.

8DPO

It's late already and I really and truly have NO time to write a post tonight. Tomorrow is Day 90 of my challenge to read through the Bible in 90 days, and I was a bit behind so I have been focusing on reading instead of being online! I am caught up and on track to finish tomorrow now, wheee! :)

Anyway, chart-y stuff! ;)

Sooo I'm 8DPO today and look look LOOKIE at my temp again this morning!! I know you have already, but I'm still excited so I'm saying it anyway! ;) ANOTHER 36.8! Since my temp had that huge jump after (unproven but likely) implantation at 5DPO, my temps have been completely flat - the same every day. The only charts that I've had like this before are ones where I've been pregnant. So yes yes, I know I'm only 8DPO but seeing that temp I couldn't help myself! I ripped open my pack of 10 cheapy tests and peed on one! It's negative (of course?) but I do see a shadowy line that's barely pink, not greyish. Now, even though it's TOO EARLY to be seeing a positive test (for at least 99% of women at this stage!), looking at that test stick suddenly reminded me of the last couple of cycles, having pregnancy symptoms and a chart that agreed, and getting those negative tests - and I felt unconfident suddenly, and started to second guess myself. I had the same faintish barely there line two days running last cycle and called them positives because the line was THERE and fat and pink, just so so so terribly faint that I couldn't even do much with it in a photograph (though I tried, lol!). I kept them so I could compare this cycle in case it happened again, though they're kind of old now.

Anyway I started to second guess myself and think that maybe what I was looking at the last time was just negative tests, and the shadow that I could see was just what would have been there if I took them mid-cycle with no chance of being pregnant at all! I am sure I was pregnant last cycle, but I say this so many cycles that I become unconfident in myself and start to wonder if I'm just kidding myself? I know at the time that I have clear symptoms that I am very familiar with after all this time and all these babies! And charting helps to confirm that too. But today, looking at that fainter than faint (too faint) line again, I became discouraged and rather unconfident of the outcome of this cycle. I know that's silly because I'm only 8DPO, and LOOK at my chart (!!), and I have absolutely undeniable pregnancy symptoms right now (flashing static pains in my n*pples still, little tiny ligament "pulls" and "tweaks" inside my hips, frequent urination, slight gagginess, etc, which I never ever (ever) get at any point when I am not pregnant). I just worry that again I will say, "Oh I'm SO definitely pregnant!" and then keep on getting negative tests that I am convinced are faint faint positives, and then wouldn't you know it? I get my period after all. I begin to feel silly and childish when I look at it from a distance, and hope that I don't look that way to other people (because that could be the case!).

After I tested this morning I thought I didn't really want to test again tomorrow. I thought I would wait till 10DPO. But, more realistically, I will see what my temp is in the morning. I'm still not really expecting a drop in temp as early as 9DPO (could happen at 10DPO or 11DPO though, if my period will arrive), so I guess it should still be raised. HOW raised, is the key though. If I see it right up there again, I KNOW I am going to want to test again! ;) So we'll see. I have plenty of tests and they were not remotely expensive so that's not an issue. I should probably wait, but it's no good trying to reason with me on that one because I am not a waiter! ;) I get caught up in the moment and can't stand the idea of being sensible and waiting, even if it slightly messes with my sanity as a result, haha!

Today I think has been quite a quiet, neutral day again as far as my body goes. It just feels calm and still and quiet in there somehow, and I know I am not even describing the feeling right, because I don't mean silent or dormant at ALL. Like a calm before a storm type of feeling. But nice, not scary.

I have mild cramps on and off as yesterday. No BAD cramps yet, which are a sure sign of pregnancy in my luteal phase. Mild cramps I may have whether pregnant or not. My breasts are tender today and I've had more of that static that I mentioned before (pregnant!). My mood has really stabilised, although I'm a bit sensitive and overwhelmed still, just nowhere near as much as before (thankfully!!). I ate the pizza I couldn't eat last night, heated up for lunch today, and it was okay. I felt a big gaggy by the end, but my tummy felt happier to eat it at that different time of day.

I've had a bit of a sore throat today, but not like I am getting ill. In fact I highly doubt I am getting ill, since it's been nearly a week since I've been anywhere to catch anything! I'm BUSY at home all the time lately! The boys are all healthy and their outings are mostly to wide open spaces to RUN AND RUN and walk for miles (literally!) and play and hide. I know there is an actual search category at the FF chart gallery for "sore throat" and a LOT of pregnancy charts come up when you enter that - I read about that in a post there a few years ago, and was reminded of it when I had a slightly sore/scratchy throat that came to nothing in my LP when pregnant with Matthew, and again with Nathan I think, but not so much. It may be nothing to do with pregnancy of course, but being Crazy Obsesso-Woman, I wanted to note it! ;)

Very little CM again, though I'm starting to feel the urge to check my underwear today, I guess now that I'm getting nearer to the end of my usual short luteal phase, or maybe it's more to do with the sudden unconfident feeling I described above? Anyway, starting to spot check!

I have had a weird little "cracking" sensation (little flashes of sort of ultra quick ligament pains that almost feel like my skin cracking on the inside - weird, I I know but I don't know how else to describe it) on the front of my tummy a few inches below my tummy button today, as I was holding Benjamin and rocking him at naptime. This really caught my attention because it's something I have experienced time and time again when holding my babies or toddlers and rocking them either at naptime, bedtime, or during the night over the years. But only when I'm pregnant. I don't even know what it is! All I know is that I feel it in that very same place, and higher up at the same central point as my bump rises up in the first half of pregnancy - I don't get it in the 2nd half of pregnancy really - and only when holding a weight like a heavy older baby or a small toddler on my front in my arms, and shifting my weight about to rock them.

I am not sure what to do if I'm NOT pregnant this cycle. I think perhaps I will start to wonder if I'm going crazy! I KNOW that I am pregnant, and yet I am starting to feel foolish for "knowing" each cycle recently and never actually getting past the end of my luteal phase before a period comes anyway. I know I do get chemical pregnancies until my luteal phase is long enough to support a pregnancy (and IS it, this time?? I'm suddenly unconfident...), but I still look back and start to wonder if I'm just going crazy here!

Well I am sure there was more, but I should stop now and go to bed. Oh! But another weird little coincidence - when I was waiting to find out if I was pregnant with Benjamin (well, only about 4DPO actually), a friend who I hadn't been in touch with for a while sent me an out-of-the-blue message at Facebook, pouring out her heart to me because she and her husband had been trying for a baby for a while and were having no success. I felt so conflicted about writing a reply to her, because I knew (in my knower!) that I was pregnant and just waiting to find out for sure, but the timing seemed horrible for her, and I didn't want to crush her with news of my pregnancy soon after. I was just honest with her in the end, and it was okay. She has since had a baby boy :) Anyway, so the day before yesterday I got a message at Facebook from a school friend I haven't heard from in ages, saying that she just had an ectopic pregnancy and has been trying for a baby with her hubby for a long time and is feeling so sad that it isn't happening! Again with the horrible timing for my sweet friend, if I'm pregnant! :S I hate my happy news to hurt others who are struggling in this area, whenever I announce that I'm pregnant. Anyway, that was an uncanny similarity to last time I was pregnant (and actually really pregnant too! :) ).

Ohhh I woke this morning from a REALLY vivid dream (another good sign of pregnancy for me, late in my LP usually and beyond). It was soooo detailed and in long sections, and very emotional, and I remember it all so clearly. I gave birth to a baby boy (my 5th child, so hmmm!...) and the dream then got so weird and the storyline is way to complicated and drawn out to go into here really, but basically Neil wanted me to cycle places to get things with him the same day I gave birth, and I struggled and we argued, and I got lost when we parted ways to find the right route, and then there was a fire in our house (somehow I was there again!) and I put it out with the fire extinguisher, and that made the batteries in the recharger explode (?!), and then I got kidnapped by a gunman along with various other people, and we were walking through an airport and I was getting more and more breathlessly exhausted and kept begging them to let me go, saying that I had just given birth that morning and my baby needed me. When they said I could go I started to "ugly" cry and just didn't stop for aaaages, and woke up doing dry snorty sobs! ;) Weirdness. I was just so relieved to be allowed to go to my baby, because I was so anxious about him crying for me or being hungry (he didn't want to feed after he was born, and then somehow I was separated from him for the rest of the dream). Neil noted (when I told him about it) that the gunman aspect is often part of my dreams when I'm pregnant. I have had some HORRIBLE violent and terrifying "gunman" dreams when pregnant before, and I STILL see some of them clearly when I even cast a thought in their direction, from Arthur's pregnancy. I actually die of gunshot wounds (sometimes slowly) before waking up in some of them. Urgh.

Anyway!! So, weird dream - also a pregnancy sign in itself.

Must go to bed! I will update my chart asap in the morning. This morning I temped and updated my chart RIGHT AWAY in the bedroom a good 30 minutes before I had chance to take the pregnancy test, and then I didn't get the chance to update the chart with the result till Benjamin napped a bit later, so that's why I updated with my temp and yet no test result for a while. If I test tomorrow, it might be the same order of events, but I will post it as soon as I'm able, later in the morning hopefully!

Oh and as far as the "5" on my chart that is on a line called "stats" - the stats line is just to show, based on all the previous charts I've entered (ie, my history, or stats) when I'm likely to ovulate (the green squares along that line show the window that I might expect to ovulate in - there's such a long line of them because I have such a HUGE range in the cycle day that I ovulate over the years!), and when I might expect my period to arrive. There are red squares for the days when my period might show up, based on past history of what cycle day my period has showed up on before. Then they take my normal average luteal phase (which is 12 days I think), and every time my chart records that I've ovulated, a WHITE square shows up in the stats line 13 days ahead. That is the recommended test day, according to FF! The 5 is the start of the 5,4,3,2,1 countdown to the white box :) Nothing exciting really, since I test anyway even when it says "FIVE DAYS TO GO TILL YOU CAN TEST!!!" hahaha! ;)

Okay, bed! Back tomorrow at NINE days past ovulation! :) I love seeing my LP getting closer to normal length again! :)

Broken record at 7DPO

Well I feel like I have loooads that I want to write here today! :) I've had a couple of neutral-ish days with not much to report (despite the long entry I managed to waffle out last night, haha!).

Well I'm 7DPO at fully aware that I sound like a broken record and also risk mucho sheepishness (if I'm wrong, that is) when I say I am completely totally and absolutely 100% SURE that I am pregnant.

* My temp is flat! It's the same as yesterday's - up there at 36.8 after that huge spike from the previous flatish temps.

* There is static electricity in my n*pples (gross Googlers). Not continually, but several times today and sometimes going on for a while. Nevvvver ever get that unless in early pregnancy. Nevvver.

* Having some teensy ligament pains and pulls out to my left hip area today, here and there.

* Definitely needing to wee more frequently today. Not crazy loads, but a noticable increase for me, and I'm actually (naughtily!) not drinking enough fluids as well.

* The boys had an early tea tonight so after they went to bed we indulged in a treat and ordered Dominos Pizza! Yum!! I sank my teeth into that first slice going, "Mmmmm, mmmmm!" like usual, but before I got to the end of the first slice I put it down and just sat staring at it. Neil asked what was wrong, and I said, "I don't know if I can eat it." He asked what was wrong with it, and there was NOTHING wrong with the pizza, and I wanted to eat it! But I could not put my finger on why - I just didn't think I could stomach it. I felt ever so slightly gaggy trying to eat it. Even though I knew I liked it. I tried eating some more and very quickly felt sick and yucky and bloated and gassy(er than usual! Still having issues with that symptom!). Now it's nearly 3 hours later and I still haven't eaten it! I tried again after an hour when I felt less queasy but my tummy just doesn't want it and I felt yucky again. Now, I'm perfectly healthy and happily ate some nibbles leading up to the pizza. Have not been anywhere to catch anything viral, nor have the boys. It's just WEIRD for me.

Or IS it?! ;) Quote from my pregnancy diary at 11DPO in Arthur's pregnancy that I searched for just now:

"Yesterday I did a weird thing. My mummy has these liquorice and aniseed sweets which I LOVE. She offered me one and I thought hmmm, I don't know if I can eat that. I mean, literally. I took one but the idea of eating it made me feel gaggy, so I smelt it in it's wrapper and had to say no and hand it back. Weird."

* I have felt gaggy at several things today, just mildly. Smells in the kitchen sink - blech. A boy's hand that he had been chewing and it smelled saliva-y. The sound of a slightly productive cough. Benjamin's not-actually-all-that-offensive pooey nappy. Melted butter (sight and smell). All those things have made my throat constrict a bit and my tummy feel tense and yucky. Yeurgh. I am SURE I am pregnant with this one!

* My mouth has been watering all evening, just along with the yucky feeling in my tummy.

What else? Very little CM today, in contrast to the previous days! Not charting weepy or increased appetite today because those are suddenly not really there! I'm not horribly irritable either today, which is a relief! I do have a hearty appetite today, but just not intensely hungry enough to chart increased appetite, so I haven't. Backache is there as usual but I think it's better than it has been for quite a while, today. Also I'm mildly crampy today, on and off, all day. I am noticably crampy when I'm breastfeeding, which I have noted in previous pregnant luteal phases, but it's still only mild cramping. No other twinges to report today! ;)

Benjamin just woke up for a feed and I have lost my train of thought! So I'll stop for now. It's getting late anyway.

Tomorrow if my temp stays up in the high range (above 36.5 or so) my chart will be triphasic. Okay, so Fertility Friend will not acknowledge it as triphasic because the 2nd phase of high temps will have occurred outside of their "expected" window based on the average implantation window (7-10DPO), and not MY average implantation window (4-7DPO), which is annoying!!!! But for that reason I will call it triphasic even when they don't, because it WILL be! Now, a triphasic chart can and does occur in ovulatory (non-pregnancy) cycles, but it's known to be a good indicator for pregnancy when it occurs. In my case, it's a VERY good indicator for pregnancy, especially with the rise to the third level of temps being so dramatic. Flat temps for me are also a very good pregnancy indicator, although they can occur at other times, just rarely for me.

So I will be 8DPO tomorrow, and hopefully not anywhere near expecting a period to possibly arrive yet (would wonder about that around 10DPO). 8DPO is "way too early for testing", but you KNOW I am going to pee on a stick tomorrow morning if my temp is still up and my chart is triphasic. I fully expect it to be up anyway because I don't expect my period yet. But a triphasic chart (IF it is tomorrow) and these symptoms today.... I will definitely be testing. I don't care if it's too early and I get a clear negative result! I still want to test!!! I have a pack of 10 tests and I'm not scared to use them, haha! ;)

Soooo I will update tomorrow - hopefully in the morning, with a photo of my negative test result, hahaha! ;)

I'm very excited people! :D

Does it show?! ;)

6DPO today

Yesterday I didn't update here because there wasn't much to write about. My temp was still in the 36.4/5 range (slight dip from the previous two days back down to 36.4), and I had a very quiet day as far as any signs or symptoms go. The usual backache, tiredness, weepiness, irritability, hungry thing that I've been having pretty much since I ovulated, but not much else. A very NON-crampy day, and today has been much the same until early this evening. I've been mildly crampy since then.

But this morning my temp was 36.8!!!! That's a HUGE jump - my chart looks so weird now, hehe! Now I'm very interested to see if it stays up in that range for the next couple of days and shows a triphasic pattern. My usual window for implantation is between 4DPO and 7DPO (never had implantation outside of that window, for all 12 (!!) conceptions), so I'm right in that window at the moment. I wondered yesterday if the little dip in my temp could be implantation, but I think it's probably too small a dip? Anyway, the jump in temp this morning could confirm that, if I do turn out to be pregnant.

My hormones are wacky, whatever the cause! I feel soooo much like I have PMS, which I am not used to, because even if I get a taste of that for real before a period, it's usually pretty mild. Also this has been going on since ovulation. Yesterday I was tidying the living room while the boys were at the park with Neil and Benjamin played on the floor, and I looked out of the window and saw a little girl of about 6 on a new pink bike, and her Daddy was pushing it along and teaching her soooo carefully and lovingly how to ride it, and I just started to cry! Now, granted, that IS a tear-jerking sight, but I never actually cry at these things. I get a warm feeling in my heart and maybe a lump in my throat at most, and just think, "Awww!" Not sobbing away looking for a hanky to blow my nose on! I was only thinking a couple of weeks ago that I actually can't remember the last time I cried about something I was sensitive over or feeling sad about, apart from in prayer when God burdens my heart in some way, but that's different. I don't know when else I've ever been able to say that. I'm just SO HAPPY with my life right now! :)

Yesterday I was so so so tired out. Today I was able to go to bed when Benjamin napped and slept three hours!!! What a luxury mothers of only one napping child have when tired and pregnant!!! I forgot quite how luxurious it is, even if it's not much napping time. When I only had one child, he happened to be a horrendous napper and would only take a couple of VERY unpredictable 30-minute naps a day, so I never got to rest then either! ;) So anyway, I feel a lot better this afternoon, for the extra sleep.

I have had some random EWCM today, but not much. I haven't even bothered to chart it, because really it was only that one time when I noticed it, and the rest of the day it hasn't been EWCM. Also, if I do chart it, I will get that annoying dotted red crosshair line on my chart because it can't fathom why I'd have EWCM after ovulating. *sigh* So I won't! I have more CM than usual still.

I have increased appetite enough to chart it, but not ridiculously so. I'm not scrunching with hunger all the time, but I am hungry before mealtimes consistently through the day, even if my previous meal was a good one. And nibbly all evening too...

Hmmm, what else? Oh tender breasts today! Well, one of them anyway, lol! ;) That's of note for me, since I don't remember it being something I have this early in my LP normally, but who knows. I guess it could be if I am only going to have a couple more days in my LP this cycle.

I really have felt so neutral these last couple of days! I am feeling crampy this evening but only mildly. This afternoon though, I was lying in bed breastfeeding Benjamin and noticed a crampy sensation while he was feeding, which I think I mentioned the last two cycles during my LP. Then the next time I was lying down to feed him, I had a weird sensation that interested me - like the tickly feeling of an insect running along my pubic bone! I know, weird. It was a tingly tickly sensation, more inside than outside on the surface, but a very strong sensation. That is definitely something familiar from very early in my previous pregnancies - tingly/tickly sensations along my pubic bone, that is. For me, they carry on for several weeks after this kind of stage, but not all the time.

I've had mild heartburn in the early evening today and yesterday. Oh and I'm really constipated. Yeurgh. Just these last few days, and I do wonder if it could account for some of the discomfort that I've been feeling, because I guess it's hard to tell miiild crampiness apart from that kind of discomfort since it's very close together! ;) Sorry for the TMI! But it's just as bad as it was, and I had a couple of days without many cramps, and then today I'm noticing cramps again, so I don't think I'm confusing it. Hopefully that will get better soon! I do get really constipated in the 1st trimester, but it's probably too early for it to be pregnancy-related. I think? I'm still gassy and bloated as I was before. Maybe a little less horribly though? Aren't I painting such a LOVELY picture?! ;)

Well I think that's it. No more run-ins with twin girls, haha! ;) I'm excited about this cycle and beginning to wonder if it could really be true that I might be pregnant this cycle! Yesterday felt so neutral that I lost my "calm and sure" feeling and started to think I probably wasn't pregnant and maybe that "very likely" conception had even failed already - many do in the first few days. Anyway, I will see what my temp is in the morning, and chart it as soon as I'm able. Thanks for the comments! Annie, I DID do something to my comments box! But I can't remember what! I'm glad it means you're able to comment though - hooray! :)

4DPO

I know it totally does not mean that I WILL end up pregnant this cycle, but I have such a very very pregnant vibe this time. Already. Seriously. I think that if I turn out not to be pregnant I will feel so surprised! I can't really say why, but that's just how I feel. Maybe it's the whole "history" thing? With the fact that I've had my couple of chemical pregnancies now, and historically, the next cycle is "the one". Or that my last luteal phase was 10 days, and historically, the cycle after that is "the one". Or the fact that we're getting close to the age gap that I'm used to - it would be 17 months if I'm pregnant this cycle, and the other age gaps are just over 19 months, 18 months and 3 weeks, and 17 months and 3 weeks. I hope I am not becoming complacent because if so then a humbling event is probably in order for me. So I hope not! I would hope that I put ZERO faith in my body or Neil's. None whatsoever. Without God opening my womb we have no hope of managing to conceive at all! Everything we have achieved as far as babies and pregnancy and fertility goes, is from the Lord. He has blessed us beyond measure! :)

So last night (on the day after my run in with newborn twin girls at the doctor's!) I was just about to shut down the laptop and go to bed as it was late. I was on Facebook and as I went to close the window I noticed a new friend request. It was from someone I don't know, so I sent a message asking (nicely!) who she was and how we knew each other. We had one friend in common and she said she saw a comment from me on one of this friend's updates, and clicked on my name, saw my latest update (which I don't keep private) and just liked it. So she thought she would friend me! Soooo random! She had a bunch of little boys in her profile picture and they looked similar ages to mine so I thought they were hers, but she told me that they are her grandsons. She said she's very excited because she has twin granddaughters due in 6 weeks.

Goosebumps! :) How random is that?! And the very next day after the doctor's waiting room one!

Well, I have given Crazy Obsesso-Woman permission to come out and play, so here we go symptom-spotting at 4DPO, haha! ;)

My temps are climbing "flatly" (hehe!) which I like! :) 1DPO and 2DPO my temp was 36.4 both days, and then 3DPO and 4DPO it has been 36.5 both days! :) I am eager to temp in the mornings! I LOVE temping and charting when there's a chance of pregnancy! :)

I am very bloated and gassy today, without any food being the culprit. It started mildly during yesterday afternoon and has got worse and worse and worse and worse and worse (!!) since then and now it's just really really uncomfy and yucky! For me, this is really pregnant of me, and typically starts early in my luteal phase on cycles when I have conceived. It's a familiar symptom to me now, after the last two chemical pregnancy cycles. I can't remember if I get it when I'm not pregnant. I will have to check my chart notes for non-pregnant cycles... Even if I do, it's never this bad, I'm sure. Oh, I've just been to glance at my charts page and HOW annoying - the chart hasn't noted gassiness, even though I do check that box when I have that symptom! I have so many boxes that I check, that the chart only shows some of them, and gassiness is not one of them! Tsk! I could really do with seeing that at a glance over the various cycles! Oh well.

A weird thing is my hormones - already! I have felt weepy and sensitive since pretty much the day after I ovulated. Today I have added major irritability to that! I feel like I have a bad case of PMS, which I never really get - not anything worth mentioning anyway. Apart from being a bit weird this early in my luteal phase, the other notable thing is that for whatever reason, I have had other cycles where I have a few days of weepiness charted, from very soon after I ovulate, just in a block usually, though sometimes just on and off through my luteal phase. Almost all of those cycles were pregnant ones, including the chemical pregnancies. But not all my pregnant cycles have had weepiness early in my luteal phase. Anyway, worth noting for now. I just find that things make me well up easily, or I feel like crying over things when I NEVER feel like that any more. The irritability is awful and I'm having a hard time squashing it down. I have ZERO tolerance for any sort of irritation - including people, unfortunately! :S I remember being anxious about this exact feeling during my LP when I was pregnant with Matthew because I was worried that if I was pregnant it would last ALL of the first trimester and I'd be an awful mother to Arthur! I hadn't experienced it with Arthur's pregnancy. Or that if I WASN'T pregnant, I would be like this every month during my luteal phase!

Nothing much else to report, since it's so early! :) I have a lot of CM that I commonly might notice during my LP when pregnant. That isn't usual for me when not pregnant, but I could probably have it and NOT be pregnant, all the same. I'm just noting it for now!

Not much crampiness today, whereas up to yesterday evening I had a lot. I have charted one-sided pinching cramp for days running now. Part of that was to do with ovulation I think, with that very clear sensation I had, but I have had some twinges on my right side since then in the same place, and also some dragging achy sensation there too. Today there isn't any of the achy dragging sensation, but I have very occasionally had some flashy twinges in the same place again, more this evening than during the day, so I guess I should chart one-sided pinching cramp AGAIN, but it's really not as constant as it looks on my chart! I do have very persistant backache low down and in my pelvis though, but who knows, perhaps that is my back generally being bothered about life?! ;) I do get backache there from falling asleep breastfeeding in bed at night. I wake up a couple of hours later and OW my back hurts then!!

My milk supply is really plentiful right now and I still leak from one side while feeding Benjamin on the other. I hope when I AM pregnant that my milk supply will do well till he's 12 months old again, as God blessed me that way last time I had a baby on the way! :)

So, nothing else, I think? Oh but I ordered pregnancy tests online today :) I am going to need them this cycle, one way or another, and I would like them to arrive before I start getting fidgetty and wanting to use them, hehe! I ordered a pack of 10 cheapy internet ones (the same as I always use), because if I'm not pregnant then I'll probably use at least 3 proving that I'm not pregnant (!), and then if I AM pregnant the next cycle, I will likely use the rest of them proving that I am! ;) A pack of 5 would have been too small for my obsessive needs, haha!

Back in a day or so! Thanks for encouraging my daftness and being excited for me! ;)