4DPO

I know it totally does not mean that I WILL end up pregnant this cycle, but I have such a very very pregnant vibe this time. Already. Seriously. I think that if I turn out not to be pregnant I will feel so surprised! I can't really say why, but that's just how I feel. Maybe it's the whole "history" thing? With the fact that I've had my couple of chemical pregnancies now, and historically, the next cycle is "the one". Or that my last luteal phase was 10 days, and historically, the cycle after that is "the one". Or the fact that we're getting close to the age gap that I'm used to - it would be 17 months if I'm pregnant this cycle, and the other age gaps are just over 19 months, 18 months and 3 weeks, and 17 months and 3 weeks. I hope I am not becoming complacent because if so then a humbling event is probably in order for me. So I hope not! I would hope that I put ZERO faith in my body or Neil's. None whatsoever. Without God opening my womb we have no hope of managing to conceive at all! Everything we have achieved as far as babies and pregnancy and fertility goes, is from the Lord. He has blessed us beyond measure! :)

So last night (on the day after my run in with newborn twin girls at the doctor's!) I was just about to shut down the laptop and go to bed as it was late. I was on Facebook and as I went to close the window I noticed a new friend request. It was from someone I don't know, so I sent a message asking (nicely!) who she was and how we knew each other. We had one friend in common and she said she saw a comment from me on one of this friend's updates, and clicked on my name, saw my latest update (which I don't keep private) and just liked it. So she thought she would friend me! Soooo random! She had a bunch of little boys in her profile picture and they looked similar ages to mine so I thought they were hers, but she told me that they are her grandsons. She said she's very excited because she has twin granddaughters due in 6 weeks.

Goosebumps! :) How random is that?! And the very next day after the doctor's waiting room one!

Well, I have given Crazy Obsesso-Woman permission to come out and play, so here we go symptom-spotting at 4DPO, haha! ;)

My temps are climbing "flatly" (hehe!) which I like! :) 1DPO and 2DPO my temp was 36.4 both days, and then 3DPO and 4DPO it has been 36.5 both days! :) I am eager to temp in the mornings! I LOVE temping and charting when there's a chance of pregnancy! :)

I am very bloated and gassy today, without any food being the culprit. It started mildly during yesterday afternoon and has got worse and worse and worse and worse and worse (!!) since then and now it's just really really uncomfy and yucky! For me, this is really pregnant of me, and typically starts early in my luteal phase on cycles when I have conceived. It's a familiar symptom to me now, after the last two chemical pregnancy cycles. I can't remember if I get it when I'm not pregnant. I will have to check my chart notes for non-pregnant cycles... Even if I do, it's never this bad, I'm sure. Oh, I've just been to glance at my charts page and HOW annoying - the chart hasn't noted gassiness, even though I do check that box when I have that symptom! I have so many boxes that I check, that the chart only shows some of them, and gassiness is not one of them! Tsk! I could really do with seeing that at a glance over the various cycles! Oh well.

A weird thing is my hormones - already! I have felt weepy and sensitive since pretty much the day after I ovulated. Today I have added major irritability to that! I feel like I have a bad case of PMS, which I never really get - not anything worth mentioning anyway. Apart from being a bit weird this early in my luteal phase, the other notable thing is that for whatever reason, I have had other cycles where I have a few days of weepiness charted, from very soon after I ovulate, just in a block usually, though sometimes just on and off through my luteal phase. Almost all of those cycles were pregnant ones, including the chemical pregnancies. But not all my pregnant cycles have had weepiness early in my luteal phase. Anyway, worth noting for now. I just find that things make me well up easily, or I feel like crying over things when I NEVER feel like that any more. The irritability is awful and I'm having a hard time squashing it down. I have ZERO tolerance for any sort of irritation - including people, unfortunately! :S I remember being anxious about this exact feeling during my LP when I was pregnant with Matthew because I was worried that if I was pregnant it would last ALL of the first trimester and I'd be an awful mother to Arthur! I hadn't experienced it with Arthur's pregnancy. Or that if I WASN'T pregnant, I would be like this every month during my luteal phase!

Nothing much else to report, since it's so early! :) I have a lot of CM that I commonly might notice during my LP when pregnant. That isn't usual for me when not pregnant, but I could probably have it and NOT be pregnant, all the same. I'm just noting it for now!

Not much crampiness today, whereas up to yesterday evening I had a lot. I have charted one-sided pinching cramp for days running now. Part of that was to do with ovulation I think, with that very clear sensation I had, but I have had some twinges on my right side since then in the same place, and also some dragging achy sensation there too. Today there isn't any of the achy dragging sensation, but I have very occasionally had some flashy twinges in the same place again, more this evening than during the day, so I guess I should chart one-sided pinching cramp AGAIN, but it's really not as constant as it looks on my chart! I do have very persistant backache low down and in my pelvis though, but who knows, perhaps that is my back generally being bothered about life?! ;) I do get backache there from falling asleep breastfeeding in bed at night. I wake up a couple of hours later and OW my back hurts then!!

My milk supply is really plentiful right now and I still leak from one side while feeding Benjamin on the other. I hope when I AM pregnant that my milk supply will do well till he's 12 months old again, as God blessed me that way last time I had a baby on the way! :)

So, nothing else, I think? Oh but I ordered pregnancy tests online today :) I am going to need them this cycle, one way or another, and I would like them to arrive before I start getting fidgetty and wanting to use them, hehe! I ordered a pack of 10 cheapy internet ones (the same as I always use), because if I'm not pregnant then I'll probably use at least 3 proving that I'm not pregnant (!), and then if I AM pregnant the next cycle, I will likely use the rest of them proving that I am! ;) A pack of 5 would have been too small for my obsessive needs, haha!

Back in a day or so! Thanks for encouraging my daftness and being excited for me! ;)