I meant to update last night but I was SO tired out. The physical wiped-out-ness has cranked itself up to a new level in the last 24 hours or so. And today I have had an AWFUL headache all day long. It was there when I woke with Benjamin at 6.30am and despite 2 rounds of painkillers and going back to bed for much of the morning (yay for Saturdays and lovely husbands!), and THEN napping with Benjamin in the afternoon for an hour, it's still kicking my butt. I remember these pregnancy headaches started early with some of the others, and Neil wasn't home those times so I am not quite sure how I got by! If I did before though, I can manage again. Neil works from home (in a manner of speaking, not earning as yet, but working fairly constantly from 9-5 at the computer) so I still need to pull myself together during the week and I won't be able to nap when I need to, the same as the other pregnancies (except my first of course!).
Last night before bed I noticed a teensy bit of light brown spotting, and I have had a bit of very light brown spotting today as well. At 11DPO and 12DPO, that is implantation spotting, and I've had it before, so as much as I don't like seeing spotting or bleeding of ANY sort, I am okay with this!
One thing I'm always anxious about as I start a new pregnancy, is the prospect of bleeding. The least "bloody" pregnancy I had was Matthew's, where I only had some light brown spotting - I think around 7 weeks? I can't remember. I think I had some late implantation spotting too, around 4 weeks. With all three of my other pregnancies I have had BLEEDING, not spotting. Well, spotting as well with some of them, but yeah, bleeeeeding. I seem to have some sort of tendency to develop a subchorionic haematoma during pregnancy, in the first trimester especially. All the info out there says they are random and there's no tendency, etc, but I am SURE that's rhubarb, in my case anyway!
The first scan in this country is 12 weeks. I think I will be 12 weeks pregnant on May 31st, so sometime around the end of May or beginning of June I should have a scan! :) Whenever I start to bleed in the first trimester, I go straight to my GP and ask for a referral for an early scan. Those are internal scans, not the usual gel on the tummy ones. I would never just wait an early bleed out. They are all essentially a threatened miscarriage and I simply HAVE to know if everything is okay to put my mind at rest. I can't deal with the anxiety over it otherwise. I hate bleeding during pregnancy! So, with all my pregnancies so far, I have had my "first" scan early, between 5 and 8 weeks. I hope not to need one this time, but if I do have to go through bleeding again, it's wonderful to get a look at my tiny one and be reassured about how the pregnancy is going. With Arthur's pregnancy I started bleeding at 5 weeks and had a scan at 5w6d, which just showed the yolk sac and no heartbeat or baby. So I had a follow-up at 7 weeks exactly which showed my little bean holding his balloon with a flickering heartbeat! :) Phew!
I overly panicked with the brown spotting at around 7 weeks with Matthew and went to my doctor, who actually happily referred me for a scan and said I was not overreacting. Nathan's pregnancy was quite scary for bleeding. I had an early scan at about 8 weeks due to some bleeding/spotting and saw him in there with his tiny little limb buds! Then I was minding my own business one morning at 11 weeks pregnant when suddenly I started bleeding heavily. So scary. It was so heavy that when I ran to the loo and sat there wondering what to do, it was running into the toilet continually and it sounded like I was doing a wee. *shudder* Horrid memory :( I bled like that for a couple of hours and it slowed down a bit in the hospital, but I was very crampy by then and SURE I was having a miscarriage. Three days later I had a scan which found a very happy little baby wiggling about and NO sign of a bleed! The doctor said I must have "bled it all out" at once instead of blood pooling inside and bleeding from the pool gradually. At 13 weeks I started bleeding again, fairly period-like but not as heavy as before, and I happened to have my scan the next morning, so when they did the scan they found a very large haematoma next to Nathan's head. It was almost as big as he was. I had a follow-up scan at 15 weeks which showed it was shrinking, and I continued bleeding from that until 18 weeks or so. Ugh. NOT fun!
Then with Benjamin, I started bleeding at 5 weeks like a period with cramping. I just knew the pregnancy was over. We were staying with my parents in France at the time. I was so surprised a few days later when I started feeling horribly morning sick! :) Nevertheless, when we got home I went straight to my GP and she sent me for an early scan at 6 or 7 weeks, so I was able to see my tiny Benjabean then and know that it was all okay.
Neil and I are really praying that I won't have ANY bleeding this time around. It will feel odd to make it to 12 weeks without having had a peek at my tiny one(s!), but it will be SO much nicer to avoid that stress.
Also praying about the morning sickness. I am praying for NONE! I know God is able to bless me with a morning-sickness-free pregnancy. It's very.... refining to battle through morning sickness with many small children to look after, so for that reason alone, I know He might allow it. But I'm praying NOT! ;) Also a bit anxious that if I do happen to be having twins, the symptoms will all be doubled! :S I'm guessing that if I don't have cause to have an early scan, I will definitely not make it to the 12 week scan without knowing for sure one way or the other whether I'm having twins or not! By 12 weeks with twins I'd be HUGE! ;)
Well, let's see. What else? My temperature dropped a bit today, but it's still high. I took another pregnancy test and saw the line quite quickly, after about 3 minutes I think. Now that it has dried I have put it together with yesterday's and I think it's a touch darker than yesterday's test, which is encouraging! :) It's the top one, in this photo:
So I'm 3 weeks and 5 days pregnant! So early! Otherwise known at 12 days past ovulation. This is the day I had my first positive test with Arthur. It was 10DPO with Matthew, and 11DPO with the other two, I think, same as this time. My "change of week" day this pregnancy is Monday. I am going to go to the doctor on Tuesday (it would be Monday except that it's a Bank Holiday for Easter) and "book in"!! Exciting! There's heavy competition for spaces at my local hospital (even if you're booking a homebirth) so my GP always tells me to go to see her as soon as I get a positive test.
I have told everyone online I think, my FF groups (and joined the Due in December 2010 group, yay!!) and, well, this blog! ;) I should update my other blog because not everyone who follows my blogs reads this one. I am looking forward to revealing at Facebook but my cousin is a friend at Facebook (though he never updates or does anything, only lurks!) and if I post about it there before telling all of my family, he will pass the news on first. When Benjamin was born, I posted at Facebook the evening he was born (after telling my family, of course!), and without leaving me any sort of congrats or comment, he told my auntie (my mum's sister) before she had even had a chance to phone her to tell her! When she phoned, my auntie told her, "Oh yes, Robert's already told me - he saw at Facebook!" >:S
So I have to wait a bit. This is the first time I have ever NOT told my mum within like 30 minutes of getting a positive pregnancy test :( We decided not to, because she is always really clear about the fact that it seems to be BAD news to her, and then makes non-subtle effort to act like it's good news after all. *sigh* I think she does eventually think it's good news, but her initial reaction is always, "Oh no!" rather than anything else. Except for my first pregnancy of course! She was ecstatic about that one. I would love for her to swallow all that negativity down and keep it to herself, and only show me the happy response, even if it's put on for my benefit, until she's feeling more genuinely happy about it. It serves no purpose to let out the "Oh no!" or even, "Oh God!" response, and then go through the, "Oh, er, I mean how wonderful (slightly sarcastic tone) of course!" The next comment is usually about some aspect of neglect for the boys that I will have to overcome when I feel dreadful later in the first trimester. I do love my mummy - in fact she is pretty much my best friend - and she's a loving Nana and very supportive in general, but she does have this reaction to having more than 2 babies, or any number of babies that are spaced less than 2 or 3 years apart. Anything different than her own choices, that is. It frustrates and hurts me, and this time I reluctantly decided (with Neil) that we won't tell her (which means obviously not telling both my parents, even though my dad has always been happy and excited for us every time, never negative in any way) for a while.
I don't know when we WILL tell her. She already knows that we don't prevent pregnancy. I've been telling her over and over since Benjamin was born, but she just either says negative stuff about it, hopes we'll come to our senses, or else just seems to think we aren't serious, because the next time I remind her that we'll likely have another baby if God blesses us that way, she seems shocked and surprised and hopes we'll come to our senses again! :S So anyway. She's vaguely prepared. She also knows I had a chemical pregnancy last cycle, and was freshly shocked that we're actually going to "go that route then" and insanely lay the way open for a 5th baby. So at least she has a heads up! ;)
It might be that we tell my parents quite soon. I'm HOPELESS at keeping this kind of news to myself, and I just plain WANT to tell my family! We don't do any "safety zones" stuff, never have. If I am pregnant, a new life is in me and we want to celebrate it! We don't want to hide it! We want everyone to know about it. If I bleed, I don't want to have to tell people I'm pregnant if I need help or support and am busy bleeding. I want them to know already! I can't tell you how glad I was when I was 11 weeks with Nathan and bleeding, that I had told everyone I knew. I could phone a lady at church and say, "I'm bleeding" (it had to be a rushed conversation) and she knew right away what that meant, and came round to take me to the hospital right away on a Sunday morning (Neil was sick with a stomach bug!!! Ugh!). Then she hopped right off to church leaving me at the hospital with my brother, and once there she spread the word all over the church that I needed prayers because I was bleeding heavily. Now see, I NEEDED that prayer support so badly, and yet it would have meant somebody else randomly telling everyone at church that I was pregnant instead of me. Either that, or NOT doing so, and thus having very little in the way of prayer support.
If I'm pregnant and I bleed, I need prayers! I want everyone to know. Untelling people if we miscarry must be horrible, but I have read too many stories from women who have miscarried before they told anyone, during the 1st trimester, and then how agonising the loneliness of being in it alone without anyone knowing what they were going through. And that's how I feel about it even without hearing those stories to back my thoughts on it up. I know we COULD tell people afterwards that we had lost a baby, and they would pray and be sympathetic, but it's different if they had from the start been celebrating that baby's existance with us. They would really get it. I just really don't get the thing that everyone seems to do where they don't tell anyone until the "safe zone". It doesn't make sense to me, even though I do vaguely understand the reason. It just doesn't hold water, in reality, to me.
So perhaps we'll tell them pretty soon? The main thing we both want at the moment is to have this glorious "just found out" stage to ourselves. We are so overjoyed and excited!!! That bubble is somewhat deflated whenever we tell someone and get a negative response, and we want to enjoy it without that risk this time. It won't be long before it's settling in nicely for us and we will have that experience tucked into our belts, of just the joy and excitement. Then we can tell others (with baited breath, haha!). I'm eager to tell my brother. He has always been happy and excited, and would never let on if he wasn't in any way. I am NOT eager to tell my grandparents. I'm sure they have NO idea that we would ever consider being so crazy as to have a FIFTH baby with an even smaller age gap to boot! ;) They will be fairly horrified at first, and very worried for us. *sigh* Will put off telling them till as late as poss! :S I guess Neil will tell his side of the family when we're ready to tell mine. They're usually okay - always rather stunned, but always offer congratulations.
Anyway. This is why I'm so grateful for everyone's lovely happy congrats here! :) Thank you!!! :D
My bad cramps have completely cleared up! It must have been the little one burrowing in more deeply. I am mildly crampy today, on and off. I'm not peeing quite so frequently today, and I do have an increased appetite, but not hugely so. I have felt queasy with this bad headache. It's a fair bit better this evening, now that it's getting later (perhaps it's the period of time that's building up since the boys have gone to bed?! Lots of noise before that time...). I don't seem to have as much milk as usual, in that I can always tell which breast to feed from next based on how full it feels, but today neither seem full at any time really. Benjamin still gulps and milk still flows, but I'm just noticing that difference. It's familiar from the other pregnancies though, at this stage. And I find that it comes back full force after a while, and then tapers off later in the 1st trimester or early in the 2nd.
I did all that fun stuff online like registering for a Babycentre news email to come each week of my pregnancy, finding out dates and gestations, and making a new ticker! :) I used to display my little ones' tickers at my diaryland version of this diary (which I should link here, given that all the archives are there and NOT transferred here yet! Gulp! Must get round to that or one day I could lose the lot!), but the layout doesn't support that too well here :( Maybe I can fit the short versions down the side there on the right? I'll see. For now, here's my new baby's ticker! :)
My new baby - aaaaahhhhh!!! :) I'm so blessed! :) Thank you Lord for this precious little one!
So my 2nd trimester starts on May 31st, and my 3rd trimester on September 13th. On Matthew's birthday in June (the next family birthday) I will be 14 weeks pregnant exactly - hopefully finished with morning sickness if I have it. When my baby boy has his first birthday I will be 17 weeks and 4 days!! I am always pregnant when one of my little ones has their first birthday, but this time I will be the most pregnant I have ever been at that event! I was 10 weeks at Arthur's first birthday, 6 weeks at Matthew's, and 14 weeks and 5 days at Nathan's. I did not have morning sickness at Nathan's birthday any more, but I was really struggling with awful pregnancy-related headaches (like the one I have had today, hmmm!) which would last a few days at a time and be a bit debilitating, and then go away again for a couple of days, and then back on for a few days, etc. They are a lot better in the second half of pregnancy. Benjamin's pregnancy was definitely the worst for those. I hope it doesn't happen that way again this time!
At Arthur's 6th (SIXTH!!!) birthday in November, I will be 35 weeks and 1 day pregnant. My big scan should be in the last week of July.
So exciting!!!! :D I really hope that nothing goes wrong with this pregnancy and that I'll get to meet my sweet new little one(s!) at the end of it.
I was trying to think of a name for the little one earlier (a pregnancy name, not an actual name for after the birth!), but I have decided to stop trying. Last time the name Babydot came to me out of the blue while I was looking at some info which told me the baby was the size of a . and I just thought "Awww, my little babydot!" and that was it. It felt so nice to find a name that suited him for a warm cosy reason, so I'm hoping for similar inspiration this time! :)
Even though I've just found out about the baby being in there for sure, we have already completed Carnegie Stage 5! The link shows that from 7-12DPO this stage is all about implantation completing. Tomorrow (13DPO) begins Carnegie Stage 6 where, even though my tiny one will only be 0.2mm long (!!), he/she/they (!!) will develop two-sided bodily symmetry and a little stalk to the placenta (aww!)! Amazing.
There is probably a ton more that I could be waffling about, but I think I will call it a night and relax for a bit before heading to bed. Even with a lie-in and a nap today, I'm still so tired! I'm so glad glad glad and happy and thrilled to be pregnant again! Such a gift! I can't get over it, it's so wonderful! :) I will be back very soon with more updates. I will keep taking tests for a while I think, till they are nice and dark :) I usually test till 14 or 16DPO. I'll post photos!
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