5 weeks! :)

Well, I have arrived at 5 weeks pregnant! :) That's got to say something, right? I hope all is going well in there. Thanks for commenting, and for asking how I'm doing! So nice to check in and read things like that! :) I am doing fine right now.

This morning my temperature went up a fair bit, so that's reassuring! I also received my cheapy pregnancy tests in the post mid-morning, so I can have those to fall back on any time I want to check to see if I'm really still pregnant! Because of all the uncertainty, it's beginning to feel a bit surreal. I don't really feel all that pregnant at the moment - which actually is something I usually write in my blog around the 5 week mark, so I was reassured by reading that last night as well. I feel a bit easily irritable, a bit tired, but not EXHAUSTED like I was before... slightly yeurghy especially on getting up, as though my tummy is tired out and I am just not interested in breakfast. But I'm enjoying food today. I am, however, REALLY hungry, so that's pregnant of me at least! I don't know that I'm peeing any more frequently than usual yet, maybe a little bit. I'm not always noticing that difference this early to be honest. Things seem about normal for me at 5 weeks, which is a bit vague and surreal. By this time next week, if all is well, things should be a LOT different and I should be unable to move for how pregnant I feel! ;)

Today I had to take the boys to the doctor's for the nurse to do their vaccinations. This nurse has seen the boys a lot over the years, and seen little ones added to our family many times now. So she welcomed us, and did their jabs (Matthew had two, Benjamin was meant to get two but was so traumatised by the first one that she decided to leave the second one for next time! And Samuel had two again). Then out of curiosity I asked her what time the GP clinic opened in the afternoon (the nurse does stuff in between the GP clinics), because I thought maybe I could actually make an appointment to see a doctor RIGHT THERE AND THEN, and book my pregnancy in. Hopefully it would just be a case of waiting around a little bit, if the timing was good, and then it would be done and I wouldn't have to haul the boys back there again at all. So instead of telling me the answer, she helpfully turned to her computer and brought up the appointments for the afternoon! She asked who I wanted to see, and I knew that my GP did not work afternoons, but then she told me that she DOES do afternoons occasionally. The next one was next Wednesday, a week away. I really like to keep mornings free for homeschool. She said, "Is it for yourself?" and I said, "I need to book in a new pregnancy." I was SO not expecting her reaction! I hadn't finished the word "pregnancy", and she threw her arms up and clapped loudly above her head, and yelled out, "Yeah!" She laughed out loud and congratulated me, and said how wonderful that was! :D It was sooooo lovely! I could tell she was not expecting me to say it, and her reaction was just that - pure reaction, and I love that! Such a sweet lady! She is so nice with the boys. She knows we homeschool, and spent a good 10 minutes this afternoon letting Arthur help her sort equipment and talk about what each thing was for.

Anyway, she ended up booking an appointment for me right there in the nurse's room, for me to see my GP next Wednesday afternoon, to avoid messing with homeschool. But this evening I feel that I don't really want to wait that long. I will be 6 weeks pregnant next Wednesday, if I get that far. I asked if that would be a bit late to book in, given that they get full very quickly. But she said 6 weeks should be okay, so I went with that. But a week feels like AGES, and also I didn't mention the bleeding to the nurse. I think I would like to go to see my GP TOMORROW and tell her, "Look, I'm 5 weeks pregnant, but I've been bleeding since the start of it all, and it's not going away!" and ask for some help. That way I'll be booked in sooner, and I will have the wheels turning earlier for getting a scan. I know she will book me in for an early scan at the Early Pregnancy Unit at the hospital, and that will probably be sometime after turning 6 weeks pregnant, maybe even the end of next week? I don't know. All I know is, I increasingly WANT that scan, to know what's going on. Especially as the pregnancy still continues and the days are passing, and 4 weeks has turned into 5 weeks, and so on. In two days from now, my baby's rudimentary heart should start beating! I am feeling more and more attached to this little one and excited about his/her development inside me, and I'm beginning to want - NEED - that confirmation to know whether I can relax and be excited, or just to know that I should let it go. If I show signs of miscarriage in the next few days, I would still appreciate a scan when it's booked for in any case, to confirm complete miscarriage, since I'm no longer looking at just a late period if the pregnancy ends now.

There's a little person in there now. Over the next couple of days the tiny neural tube will be "zippered" closed. Ohhhh I pray it closes completely. I have only been taking folic acid since I knew I was pregnant, and a few times since I ovulated, given that I suddenly realised I had a chance of being pregnant. I wish I had thought to start taking it months ago! :S Anyway, I can't believe how much development has already taken place by 5 weeks. The early cells that will become the ears are already in place! The muscular tubes that will fuse to form the heart are already developed, and over the next day or two they will fuse. The moment they fuse, the S-shaped rudimentary heart will spontaneously start beating. SO. Amazing. I want to just absorb myself in the miracle that is taking place inside me, sooo much! But that will bond me with my baby, and I am cautious... I hope all these things ARE taking place.

As far as my body is concerned, the pregnancy seems to be fairly stable, in a way. I mean, I have made it to 5 weeks, and implantation is complete, so I am thinking the short luteal phase (for example) would have affected even a healthy pregnancy by now, and caused it to come to an end? I don't know what the bleeding is about, but it seems like my pregnancy is now well established, to still be going. A miscarriage that occurs most commonly between 5 and 6 weeks is nearly always due to chromosomal problems - something wrong with the baby. So that wouldn't cause this bleeding from 7DPO would it? So it doesn't necessarily mean that I would miscarry at any point? I don't know. I wish I knew!! Someone mentioned my progesterone levels, but I don't know a thing about getting that checked, or even if they do it in the UK.

Today I have had more of the dark brown spotting, not very much of it at all really, as the previous day or two. This evening I went for a BM, and noticed light red spotting/cm after that. So maybe that specific occasion could be from my cervix? I was told once when I was spotting in pregnancy that constipation can cause the cervix to be irritated and bleed a little, and I am constipated right now (the usual for me at this stage of pregnancy) so maybe... Although that can't account for the BLEEDING, or the ongoing spotting for two weeks straight now. I hope to get some answers soon, so Neil is going to arrange to go in to work 90 minutes late and make up the time, so that I can get an early doctor's appointment in the morning and go without the boys while he stays home with them. I will be so glad to get that done! :)

I will still check my temperature in the morning, although I know that temping isn't all that clear-cut in pregnancy (thanks for reminding me Valerie!) - they can bounce around a bit. I know trusting God is about letting go of it all and just leaving it to Him. I know it's all in His hands anyway! I should stop probably... maybe. It's something I'm happier doing though, for now. I know it makes no difference to the outcome of the pregnancy, whether I temp or test, or not, AND what those things say. But I like to keep check... So I will temp again in the morning. I would rather a heads-up in the morning than a shock later in the day, unhappy and unsure as that might make me in the morning. I also feel so happy to keep seeing visible evidence of this little one inside me by actually being able to see his/her little HCG staring up at me from my test stick! :) I may test tomorrow, but I know there's no need. Maybe I'll wait a bit longer. Depends on my temp, perhaps.

I'll keep updating. That is helping me too. I can't wait to be able to relax and rejoice all over the place about this baby! I WOULD right this second if I was 100% sure he/she was okay in there! I want to tell the world right now. I want to tell Facebook and everyone I bump into in the street, "God has blessed us again!! I'm pregnant!! I'm expecting a baby!! We're thrilled!! I'm due in May!" and all that fun stuff. I hope I will be able to soon! I look forward to it so much, and the thought of it keeps me going! :)