This week is the 2nd week of full-on homeschooling, and I am TIRED. Tired enough by the end of the week to dwell on it a bit. I am just BONE bone bone tired, not sleep-deprived tired, just physically utterly knackered from like 10 inches deep under diaphragm. I felt like that in the 2 days before my period arrived as well, and told Neil about it at the time, saying that I thought my period would show up (or that I was in early pregnancy) because it was not the sleep-dep type of tiredness, but the hormonal type that I know and love so well, lol! Well, that's STILL how I feel. I figured it was the loooong period plus homeschooling, plus naughtily having late late nights every night this week. Of course it could easily be that.
Yesterday I noticed a spot next to my nose, and another on my forehead. That really caught my attention because I NEVER get hormonal spots (and these were they) unless I am getting a period or am pregnant. They clear up right after I start my period, like in the next 24 hours or so. This is an absolute dead cert for me. So I wondered why I had those spots.
I have not temped since getting my period because my temp dropped so incredibly low the day I got my period (7dpo) - I mean, it dropped a couple of degrees C! Look, here's my chart as it was when my period started 11 days ago:
and then I started bleeding heavily, so I knew not to bother temping until nearer to ovulation. But this morning when I woke, the first thing I thought as I lay on my back was that I felt warm. Post-ovulation warm - I have become pretty tuned to it over the years. Sometimes I'm wrong, but.... I can't put my finger on it exactly, or describe it to you - I just have a slightly burny feel deep inside my throat and head and chest, that makes me think my core temp is the type of high that I only get when I have ovulated. So immediately I grabbed my thermometer which was next to the bed, and temped. I got 36.84!!! VERY much a post-ovulatory temp, and a high one at that! I wondered, completely stumped, whether perhaps I was unwell in some way and that's why I had a slightly higher temp than my body should be exhibiting given that I had not ovulated yet. I thought that also might account for how WIPED I felt despite waking from a night's sleep and having been blessed with a lie-in this Saturday morning!
I went down to Neil and we talked about it. He said he had a dream that I had a proper temperature (fever) the other night. He also said that maybe I had better be thinking of girl names. I said, "WHAAAAT?!" and he said he had prayed that if I get pregnant again, that it would be twin girls! Not that he wants girls and no more boys, but just that... I don't know why! I said, "But, but... that isn't possible! I am still finishing my period, and there's NO denying it's a period." I told him about it, and agreed it didn't seem likely that I could be pregnant. How I wished I had a test in my drawer to just confirm it for me, so that I could get on without such a crazy notion in the back of my mind, lol!
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered - oh, you know what I'm like, hehe! Even in the face of NO WAY IS IT POSSIBLE, NOT EVER, NUH-UH! it's still something I wonder about if the thought strikes me, lol! So I got to thinking about the spots, and the tiredness.... and the fact earlier in the week there were two nights running where Neil and I ate late after the boys, and we had lasagne and garlic bread one night, and fish and rice and veg the other night. BOTH meals I LOVE and can always finish, but both nights I could not. I just felt too full way before I could finish the plateful, even though I was hungry before the meal. I commented at the time to Neil, who said maybe it's because I've lost weight (?! not sure of this logic!) or something - it has been really coming off me lately, without doing anything towards it. This happens after the 8 month mark PP, when I am still breastfeeding, and it doesn't make a difference whether I change my diet or do any exercise. I don't lose it before 6 months, and can't keep it ON after 8 months, lol! Anyway, I am now at the 9 stone mark, lighter than I was before I got pregnant with Samuel AND Benjamin!
I tried frantically to think if there were any other signs, or what signs I NORMALLY get in early pregnancy but hadn't experienced in the last week or two, just to try and get a better picture of it in my mind. I know I get cramping and gassiness and eventually little ligament pains as an absolute rule with my pregnancies, in the two weeks or so after ovulation. If I was counting from ovulation, I would be 17 days past ovulation today. Well past testing time! I could not remember any ligament pains, although last night in bed when I did my gentle abs exercises, my lower back was sharp and painful when I did gentle pelvic tilts, which I hadn't had all the other nights before that. I thought I must have hurt my back somehow, which is still possible maybe. I wore Samuel in my back to the park in the Ergo twice over the last week, but it's the easiest way to carry weight on the back that I've ever found, so I didn't think I had strained myself in any way, even so.
I felt dizzy most of this morning, just swingy, but I put that down to the extreme exhaustion I was feeling. I HAVE felt crampy on and off, but will have taken absolutely NO notice of it whatsoever, since I'm bleeding and apparently having a period. I HAVE been gassy, but um, that isn't necessarily unusual *blush* ;)
Suddenly I remembered the "weirdly soft skin" confirmation that I always get, and gasped out to Neil, "Is my skin soft?!!!" he put his hands to my cheeks and said with an excited tone, "Maybe!!"
As soon as Samuel had woken from his nap and the boys had finished lunch, I left Neil watching them and went to rummage through all my drawers in the hope (ohhhh the HOPE!) of finding a leftover pregnancy test. And I DID!!! And it was in date! In fact I think there were two in the box, but I didn't notice too well because of my excitement at finding one and grabbing it and running to the bathroom, lol! ;)
I heard Neil start to change a nappy in the living room for someone, and grabbed a glass from a night-time drink which I tipped out and peed in right away. I had already been for a wee that morning but I knew that I would know for sure one way or another even without first morning urine, if I was really at 17DPO. In my head it seemed daft, I could see I was obviously having my period, and everything was in the usual place for that to have happened (appropriate DPO for my period to have shown up, big temp drop to coincide, heavy-but-normal period since, etc), but I felt indescribably excited. I put that down to association! ;)
I peed in the glass, and I dipped the stick and put it on the side of the bath. As the pink swept across the window, IMMEDIATELY a pink line showed up before the pink sweep even got to the control line area. I knew I had to wait until the pink sweep faded, but already I knew I was looking at a positive pregnancy test, and the weird thing is, I did not feel that surprised! I just felt too too joyful and happy and excited to even be able to describe to you! :D I waited. The window cleared. The control line showed up pink. The test line remained almost as pink as the control line! A STRONG BFP!!!!
I said, "Um, Neil?!" and he called up, "Yeah?" and then repeated himself in a more concerned tone. I came downstairs where he was changing Samuel's nappy on the floor with all the boys sitting around listening to a story tape from my childhood collection. I held the stick out from the stairs and said, "Can you see this from there?!" He said, "Two lines?!!" and I said, "Yes! I can't believe it!" and just laughed. He looked kind of shocked, hehe, but couldn't stop smiling :) I asked him if we should show the boys, who were so engrossed in the story that they hadn't stopped to hear what we were talking about. So I called their attention and showed them the stick. They know what those are! ;) I asked Arthur and Matthew how many lines they could see. Arthur peered at it and said, "TWO!!!! YAAAAAAAY!!" They immediately knew there was a baby growing in my tummy and were so happy and excited! They were full of questions, asking how long the baby had been growing in there, and what his (it's all they know, lol!) name was going to be, and so on.
The first thing we did once we could stop them jumping and yelling, was to get everybody to sit down on the sofa or the floor, and I told them that this baby is so unexpected, and that makes it an extra special gift from God. I told them we are going to stop and pray immediately to say thank you to God for such a precious gift to us, and they closed their eyes and I prayed. My voice was shaking as I was praying, just thanking God, and asking for a healthy pregnancy - I just suddenly felt overcome with how surreal it felt and what a shock it was to suddenly realise out of NOWHERE that I am pregnant! I mean, this has never happened before! I am always right on the ball, watching my chart, keeping track minute-by-minute (you know I'm not kidding ladies, lol!) of every possible sign or symptom as I wait for the chance to test, usually way too early! It's really really strange to me to have arrived at 17DPO with NOT A CLUE that I might be pregnant all this while! I knew there was a high chance of conception, but not much chance at all of my luteal phase sustaining it.
AH! I've just realised that I had BAD cramps in my luteal phase, remember from a couple of entries back?!!! Aha, how vindicated I feel, lol! I ONLY get those during my luteal phase when pregnant, and I ended my last "cycle" saying that it was a first for me, to have had bad cramps and still got my period. Inside I wondered if I had conceived, started implantation and then got my period, and THAT was why I had bad cramps, but I did not want to say that because it looks like I ALWAYS get my period saying, "Oh I am sure I was pregnant but just got my period anyway!" and that must get annoying to keep hearing! ;)
Anyway, after the excitement, I kept the test in my hand - I just didn't want to put it down. I still haven't stopped shaking, or praising God, or smiling, and I just keep saying out loud, "I just can't BELIEVE it!" and laughing! :)
Here's the test!
I'm trying to merge my two cycles together (this one and the last one where I conceived) at Fertility Friend so that I can make them into one whole cycle. Once FF has let me do that I will be able to see my due date, but I suspect Nicola has been right on the money predicting a May 2012 baby! ;)
Okay, FF has merged my charts (I had to manually correct ovulation as it had disappeared in the merge!) and I have a due date of May 23rd 2012!!! That's a 17 month gap again between babies, how lovely! Or maybe just a bit less - Samuel will only turn 17 months old 2 days before my due date. I love the month of May to have a baby - a spring baby! I haven't had a spring baby before! :D Yay yay yay!
So I must be 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant today, with my "week change" day being a Wednesday :) I can't believe it, I can't believe it, I can't BELIEVE it! I'm so so so so happy and joyful and thankful, and oh I just can't believe it! SIX children! I'm so blessed. Thank you Lord! :)
[edited to add - just remembered, as always please do not mention my pregnancy on Facebook if you know me there! I don't want friends and family to know yet, and will announce it in due course! Thanks! :) ]
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