Middle-of-the-day entry today, which is a rarity! Boys are playing nicely (all 5!) together and I am trying to rest up nearby. I wanted to update while I have the chance, especially in case things change later.
Yesterday was a good day for two reasons:
1) I went to the follow-up appointment for my kidney scan, and it's not 100% resolved, but at least nothing to worry about. I have another scan to follow-up in November. My kidney hasn't fully drained after it was swollen up with fluid while my kidney stone blocked it from draining. Not sure why... that would explain why it's still aching all the time, but they said not to worry, and it should hopefully have cleared up in another couple of months. Anyway, the GOOD thing about it was that the consultant scanned my bladder just as a routine, and I immediately turned to look at the screen while she did so, because I wondered if there was any chance I might spot a flash of a pregnancy nearby! :) And I DID! :D I saw a very familiar looking black slightly-irregular looking circle amongst all the grey, and the consultant saw me smile on seeing it, so went back to show me it again. She just said, "There's the pregnancy sac!" and then immediately said she would not dwell on that, we had to get on with the bladder scan. I was actually pleasantly surprised to see it, because I was only 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant and it was a trans-abdominal scan! Usually a sac is the only thing you'll see with a MUCH more clear trans-vaginal scan at just six weeks of pregnancy, maybe a yolk san in there. Some people see a fetal pole, but not all. At 5w5d with a trans-vaginal scan, we could only see the black gestational sac with Arthur, and the slight outline of a yolk sac inside. So I was surprised to see it on a tummy scan! :)
I can feel the edge of my womb at my pubic bone, juuuust about, which seems awfully early... there was only ONE gestational sac though! ;) I usually feel it poking above my pubic bone at the 8 week mark (also early, but normal for me). Maybe it's just the fact that it's my 6th pregnancy? And maybe THAT'S the reason it was visible on a trans-abdominal scan this early - it's higher than usual?
2) Yesterday was the first day in my entire pregnancy (excluding the first 6 days after ovulating!) where my bleeding had almost completely vanished! I actually did not need to wear a pantyliner, though I did just in case. I had normal CM by the end of the day, and was SO pleased about it! :)
But, I was doing a speed-tidy of the living room in preparation to start school with the boys this morning, and suddenly I felt a leaky sensation. I immediately said to the boys that I was going to the toilet, and collected a pad on the way to the bathroom. It's funny how I don't ever need to look any more to know it's blood. From Nathan's pregnancy onwards, blood has never caught me by surprise because I somehow always know it's blood, even a little of it, before I get to the toilet to actually look. When I got there I found bright red blood, and quite a lot of it, already soaked through my clothes. There was also a good amount in the toilet after I finished. I felt a bit shaken by seeing it, but much less so than any other time. I feel so at ease about any outcome, somehow. I just trust God. He gives and He takes away, and His name is still to be praised. If this baby is leaving me, or if it is to soon, I feel absolutely sure of who the baby is. I still can not get the name Rachel out of my head. It feels like "her" name, even though I still feel ambivalent abuot it - I am not all that keen on the name! Such a weird feeling to have about a name that I KNOW is going to be used as her name, lol! I do realise there's a good chance that everything could be fine, and when we get to the gender scan, the usual, boy bits are going to be staring at us from the screen, lol! Not sure about calling the baby Rachel then, haha!
I still don't know if I am going to use the name Rachel - but given the strength of my feelings over the name now, if the baby dies then I was consider her a girl, and name her Rachel. I'll never know for sure, so I am going to go with that.
If things progress well, though, I have asked God to confirm to me if Rachel is the name HE wants the baby to have, by putting it on Neil's heart, and having Neil confirm it to me. I have told Neil that I feel God has put a name on my heart, and that it's a girl's name, but I haven't told Neil the name. I'm pretty sure Neil doesn't like the name Rachel and like I said, it's not a name I would shortlist myself. It's an odd feeling to have such a thing for it! And now I WILL look daft if the baby is a boy, lol! ;) Not that I'm feeling particularly that it ISN'T a boy, it's just the NAME that distracts me constantly, it's weird. I'm starting to fall in love with a name I don't even like all that much, like it is already attached to someone I love. Not sure how to explain it any better really...
I became crampy a few minutes after starting to bleed, and the cramping became really quite sharp and nasty right down in my groin, so I felt a bit ominous about it really, as I've had cramping with bleeding before, but just period-type crampiness, not this sharp thing. I decided to go for a BM to see if that helped, but was kind of nervous to. I think it did help, but I bled pretty heavily in the process :(
Right now it has been a few hours since it all started, and the crampiness has all but gone. I put a heavy-duty pad on, which has some red blood on it, but it seems to have slowed right down now. So, I am not sure what to think! At first, especially with the cramping, I was SO SURE this had to be it. I put a DVD on for the boys, explaining to them that I was bleeding and would rest for a bit while they watched a DVD instead of doing school like we'd planned. They understand what the bleeding is about, and seemed worried for the baby at first, but I was upbeat and reassuring (not being worried as such myself, though I guess concerned at the bleeding because obviously I want everything to go well with this pregnancy!), and reminded them that whether this baby lives or dies, God is good, and we will see the baby one day in either case. They went off happily to watch Paddington, and I lay down upstairs while Samuel finished his nap. It felt oddly like the time I had a kidney stone and lay down upstairs in the same place and position while I waited for Neil to come home before going to hospital, which wasn't a nice association! I lay feeling really crampy, and just decided to praise God, because He is worthy of praise in every circumstance of life. I sang a worship song to Him, and felt a lot better after that, and the crampiness eased somewhat.
When I came downstairs, I phoned the Early Pregnancy Unit at the hospital like my GP had told me to, and they said the earliest they could scan me would be next Tuesday (it's Friday today) at 1.30pm, so I said yes to that. Better than nothing, and still before 7 weeks so that's good. They told me to ring my GP and ask her to fax a referral letter to them, so I left a message for my GP with the fax number.
I got a phone call at lunch time (managed to make the boys' lunch, just took it slowly and sat down as much as I could) from the GP receptionist, saying that my GP had phoned the EPU herself and asked what they could do about bringing forward my scan, since she did not want me to wait until Tuesday with heavy red bleeding! :) Love my GP! :) So now I have a scan at 3.30pm on Monday (6w5d). Boy do I hope everything is okay...
Neil has informed work, and they seem okay with letting him stay home from work on Monday afternoon to watch the boys while I go to the u/s. It's an internal one so I can't take them with me, not that they allow little ones anyway, since there are people there having a miscarriage :(
The other thing of note is that I started a belly gallery yesterday (well, just posted a saved post right before this one) with my first belly picture in it. It's a 6 weeks photo for the "before" photo - please excuse my extremely yellow appearance, lol! My lovely camera has lost its charger in the house somewhere, so I've had to use my point-and-shoot camera which is rubbish with artificial light! :/ Oh well!
I am still feeling morning sick, but it's SO mild.... it makes me a little concerned given the bleeding and such. I'm grateful meanwhile! :) It's THERE but so much more manageable than any of my other pregnancies have been. I can function completely normally, and eat and drink anything I want without feeling yeurghy. I hope it's okay to feel that way (for me)...
Will update again very soon.
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