I was partially normal yesterday. Today I am one hundred percent (well, maybe ninety-nine) nutso. Trawling through chart galleries, photographing negative pregnancy test sticks, fiddling with the resulting photos, checking my underwear, etc, etc. A crazy woman. I'm embarrassed to admit it folks, but it's the truth.
So my temperature this morning was 36.9! For a moment as I was taking my temperature, I felt nervous to look at the thermometer because suddenly I wasn't sure if I "felt" pregnant any more, so perhaps it had all dropped away overnight? But there was the high temperature, to reassure me! I do hope this pregnancy (because it is one right now) can continue! I'm (daftly) getting attached to the idea of THIS particular baby bean. It IS daft, because it's quite likely it won't continue, with my last LP being only 7 days long, and a history of chemical pregnancies ending at 10 and 11 days past ovulation :(
Look what I found when looking through my charts - here's the cycle I'm on right now, up to today, 9DPO:
And here's a cycle that started on July 22nd 2005 - the cycle before Matthew was conceived:
Uncanny isn't it! They look SO similar in the luteal phase. It gave me a good reminder that even if it looks (and is) pregnant at 9 or 10DPO, it can still all fall away the very next day and become just a period, if my hormone levels aren't right yet to support a pregnancy beyond the start of implantation. I think my previous cycle only had a 6 day LP, so this cycle I'm on right now looks pretty much like it is poised to do the same as the above one. I somehow AM still so excited about the possibility of being pregnant, and at watching all the signs each day as another day unfolds with a high temp and no period, and another. But I am also trying to see the potential reality of the above. Ah well. I hope it won't be the same this time.
Also with my chemical pregnancies I struggle to get a decent positive test, even at 10 or 11DPO (the stage where I usually get a clear, if faint, positive with my healthy pregnancies). So that will be another clue if my temp is somehow still up tomorrow and I still test negative.
I took another test this morning and saw the same "shadow" that I saw the day before, within the 5 minutes. I compared it with yesterday's and they are both NEGATIVE tests, but I felt sure that in certain lights and angles (!) today's shadow was just a little more shadowy and full than yesterday's. It seemed to fill out the non-existent line more (ha!) to me than yesterday's not-there line ;) Later when it was dry I compared the two again (since yesterday's is dry too, obviously) and still felt like the line that's not there is a little stronger than the line that's not there from yesterday's test. When Neil got home tonight (he worked late and didn't get in till 10pm, poor guy! And arrived to find his wife squinting at two small sticks under the light, haha! At least he had dinner waiting - it wasn't all bad! ;) ) he held them to the light at all angles and said he saw what I saw but it seemed a bit far-fetched! While he was out I had gone crazy with hue and saturation and whatnot on a photo that I took of the two tests together (which, to remind you, are BOTH negative!), just to see if I could get technology to prove that my eyes aren't seeing things (which they probably are, but anyway).
So here's the photo I took. It's dark and grainy and grey, because those things made it easiest to see what I felt sure I could see. The top test stick is today's (9DPO) and the bottom one is yesterday's (8DPO). I drew an arrow to show you where the shadow of a line is, since you'll have no clue without it - the test being NEGATIVE! *sigh* I told you I am a crazy woman today!
I do not think that shadow is an evaporation line because there isn't one on the bottom test, and it fills the line (which I could see better in late afternoon daylight coming in from the north, hahahaha! ;) ) rather than just being a weird stripe on it or something.
Anyway. There is my evidence of nuttiness today. I have no shame! ;)
So today I am tired and a little headachy perhaps, but nothing I've been able to call an actual headache as such. I am not feeling too moody or irritable today, but I went to show something to Neil online - a photo of a baby who had been malnourished and is now chubby and healthy, praise God! - and I was mid-word when my throat closed right up in a sob and made it sound like I was choking trying to talk round it! The story was moving but I hadn't felt emotional at ALL, it just hit me in an instant, and that for me is usually hormonal. I've felt a little bit weepy today in general, and usually by surprise.
I had the usual bad cramps/mild cramps on and off this morning, and they sort of faded out by late morning. I haven't really been bothered by bad cramps at all since then, and the mild cramps have been on and off. I have had backache still, quite uncomfortable on my left side this evening whilst sitting on the sofa. I have had the odd sudden twinge inside my hip, very much like a ligament pain (pregnancy ones) but like a teeny tiny version. The same little electric flash/pull sensation though.
I keep thinking that with the cramps being bad for several days running, that is typical (for me at least) of implantation as the tiny one burrows in and sets up camp, so to speak! Then when the cramps fade off (which they always do eventually, after a bit) I wonder if that means implantation is complete? I don't really know enough about implantation to know how long it takes to complete. If it's complete, doesn't that mean it's established, and that a short luteal phase can no longer interfere? I don't know about that though, because I have charted the bad cramps on previous chemical pregnancy cycles, and they've often faded off too before my period shows. Not always. Sometimes they're still going when my temperature drops and my period shows up.
I'm very thirsty again today, and a new thing is that I definitely have an increased appetite today. I came over painfully hungry at 11am today after a really good breakfast only a few hours before. That kind of breakfast always lasts me till 1pm or just before, so I thought that was odd at the time. I ate a good lunch at normal time and was very hungry again at 5pm. I was making the dinner a little while later when I became really shaky and lightheaded with hunger and had to eat some cheese. It's 11.30pm now (tsk! Should have been in bed ages ago! Been so tired today!) and I am going to have to eat before I can go to bed as I feel hungry enough to eat a main meal again!
I'm still really annoyingly gassy and bloated, more so than ever it seems, each day. My skin is still weirdly soft, but there was a moment late afternoon when I touched my face randomly and got worried that it wasn't feeling as soft any more. Usually when that happens it's some sort of good indicator, because I then get my temperature drop and my period the next day. But it's soft again this evening :)
No particularly bothersome queasiness today, and it wasn't sore to breastfeed either. I have some mild stabbing pains in my breasts, but nothing else. I am having a crampy moment and some odd pressure very low down right now, but that's something I have noticed over the last few days. It's very on and off, which again is typical for me in a pregnant luteal phase.
Soooo the thing is, will it carry on? I guess I will go to bed (after eating!) and see what my temp is in the morning. That should tell me, one way or the other, never mind a pregnancy test. I will be disappointed if it drops! But if it does, it does. I'll update asap again tomorrow. Thanks for hanging in there with this crazy woman! ;)
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