Just to confirm what everybody already knows - that I did get another faint positive test this morning after another high temp (although another slight drop from yesterday's), and my period arrived an hour or two later. I didn't really feel like my period was coming and I wasn't really expecting to see it at that moment, so I felt a bit sad and deflated for a little while. There was the start of a tiny new person inside me, connected enough to me to make me well aware of his/her presence, and enough to turn that blank test a faint shade of pink, so that was the reason for my sadness, not so much that I just WANTED to be pregnant. It isn't that - though I LOVE it, and am eager to go through it again! - because I am happy trusting God for the right timing. I am glad that I did the same thing a few nights ago as I did last cycle, and lay in my bed with my hand low on my abdomen, saying hello and goodbye and I love you.
And now I am okay!
Today has not been at all bad. I haven't felt dreadful at all, only a little lightheaded really. My period is heavier than usual but not too bad. I still have weirdly soft skin and an increased appetite, but everything else I had noticed before is back to normal. I have been able to do all the normal stuff with the boys, which I'm thankful for! And I delight myself in them, and in the God who loved me enough to bless me with them. They are each delightful and delicious! :) I feel confident that God will open my womb again and his wisdom is perfect so I know the child he plans to add to our family has to be conceived at exactly the right time. Maybe it will be next cycle? Or maybe not for a while?
Statistically speaking, next cycle would be "the one" :) I think Nicola and Jemma said from the start (well, earlier than this anyway!) that they thought a December baby would be the next one for me. Well if I do conceive this cycle then a December baby it will be! Probably somewhere in the middle of December. I admit, December makes me nervous.... So close to Christmas when I am already frazzled with everything to be done, and never do manage to get everything done as it is. My lovely doula takes two months out of the year where she doesn't book any births - August and December. Those are "family" months for her, to spend with her children without having to be on-call for other families. She doesn't make exceptions, and it would be so sad not to be able to have her as my doula! Maybe God will bless us with twins due mid-December (if they're girls, I have their names READY! Well, without Neil's seal of approval, so NOT so ready after all maybe!), and I'll carry them to like 37 weeks and they'll be born in late November?!?! Okay, maybe I'm getting a LITTLE carried away here! ;)
But I'm fine, really. I feel happy and thankful, and glad to celebrate the days I had with that particular tiny person, AND I get to see him or her for real one day! I won't have to guess what he/she would have looked like or anything. I will really fold ALL my children into my arms one day. Eight (EIGHT!) born from a chemical pregnancy, and four born into my arms. Twelve children. What a joyous thought! :)
Thanks so so much for leaving comments, sending hugs, and praying for me this cycle! I mention it because I appreciate it so much, and it has meant a lot to me. I'll be back in a few weeks, I hope!
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