Well, I'm 9 days past ovulation today and this morning I had a slight dip in temp to 36.7, down from my flat temps at 36.8. I know it's still high and still triphasic, but still it's a dip at 9DPO, and then I tested (just because) and it was still negative - well, that too faint to call positive line - and now I'm just feeling really doubtful and unconfident about my ability to discern what's going on in my body! I wonder if these lines are just evaporation lines? They are very like the ones I called positive in the end last cycle, but they do show up within 5 minutes so that's less likely I guess. Definitely negative tests though.
I do feel a bit silly, because the negatives which were SURE to happen this early are throwing my confidence about the outcome of this cycle, especially given my history the previous 2 cycles in a row of feeling SURE I was pregnant (lots of obvious signs, chart concurring, etc) but negative or almost-negative/vaguely-positive tests and then a period after all. I feel unconfident suddenly about declaring that I feel pregnant or posting a "definitely" pregnant symptom, because I really truly have no idea whether I will actually get my period anyway. Or not. I have no way of knowing, pregnant at this moment or not, and well, 3 times in a row starts to look daft! I know it's my blog and my thoughts, and I'm glad I can post anything really and people are loving and supportive, but still I don't like seeming daft!
Anyway. I do actually FEEL pregnant. Things still smell yucky and get me feeling a bit gaggy. I am still peeing more frequently (3 days is it now?) and that's consistent and the same every day. Not crazy peeing like waking in the night, but if I go at 1am then when Benji wakes at 6am I really need a wee then too, these last few days. I need to go twice during the evening, and a few times during the day. I know this doesn't sound like much, but I usually pee on rising, maybe one other time in the day, and then mayyyybe in the evening once (not always), and then at bedtime. It's not uncommon for me to pee on rising (if it's the weekend and I lie in) and then need a wee next in the evening, and go then or at bedtime. Bad, I know! ;) But that's why it's really clear to me that I'm consistently needing to pee more often at the moment. Just these last 3 days.
I have increased appetite today, definitely. And am extra tired. I did put together a drop-leaf table that arrived today and that was a little bit of physical work, so I do feel physically tired from that I guess, but I generally feel really tired and breathless. I forgot to describe that part over the last few days - I have felt quite breathless with the tiredness I've been having, and I notice it especially after going up the stairs or when talking to someone at length, which is a bit odd really. I have a headache tonight and had a slight one this morning. Tonight's is in my neck mostly (and now in my forehead) probably due to reading with intensity on and off through the day and evening as it's Day 90 of my challenge to read the whole Bible in 90 days today!!! :) I did it!!! :D
I've had some queasiness here and there today, and my gassiness as there as it has been since a couple of days after ovulating.
I definitely have tender breasts today, they generally feel a bit heavy and achy, but not noticably all the time. Other times I have had moments of n*pple tenderness or generalised achy tenderness. So, that's pregnant of me too, but I guess it could be a pre-period sign as well. I just can't really remember that any more.
This afternoon I had a wave of feeling more crampy than usual (that is, more than the fairly continuous mild cramps (barely bothersome but there) that I've been having since ovulation). Just for a moment it felt like a wave of slightly queasy vice-like pain, and then went off again. Since then I have had more waves that have lasted longer, and also some persistant crampiness that I could almost chart as "bad cramps" on my right side (over that same place where I had ovulation pain and then twinges a bit later on, etc). This isn't implantation or ovulation-like pain though. It's crampiness, plain and simple. I also have more of a pressing boring pain/ache on that right side at the right edge of my pubic bone, almost below the bone itself, it's so low. I can actually put my finger on it, but it's deep inside. I have had some twinges and pully sensations, very tiny but there, on my left side too inside my hip today.
This evening from about 8pm I have felt more and more crampy, and it has sometimes felt a little bit vice-like with pressure, and hot and queasyish, like period pains. At one point I was sure my period must be starting. It bothered me when I was sitting still on the sofa, or when I was standing in the kitchen talking to Neil or making dinner. Just on and off, but mostly on. It was wave-like, but constant, if that makes sense.
I started to feel sure my period was starting, and said so to Neil, but when I checked (I felt a bit leaky), there was only a little bit of CM and nothing else. I checked later and still nothing. Right now it's late (midnight! Benjamin has woken 6 (SIX!!!!) times this evening for some reason, just seeming wakeful (as he has for several evenings this week!) so that has meant this post has been written in bits and pieces and I'm only now getting to finish it and post it before getting in bed. Right now I feel really quite crampy and uncomfortable. I feel it in my lower back, across the whole "period pain" area at the front, etc. I also feel extra soreness on and off at the right edge of my pubic bone like I mentioned before. That's odd, if I'm getting my period.
So although I felt hesitant and nervous about the possibility earlier this evening, I now need to chart "bad cramps" for today, because these are definitely bad cramps! I know that, statistically for me, if my period doesn't show up soon after, I am pregnant - with bad cramps during my LP. But I'm nervous that I'll just go ahead and get a period anyway, even after bad cramps in my LP after saying I NEVER get that unless I'm pregnant! *sigh* I guess I'm starting to doubt myself at the moment. Am I pregnant and heading for ANOTHER chemical pregnancy? Am I kidding myself?! I do have extensive history to go by and back up certain signs and symptoms, and I do (think?!) I know my body pretty well, with lots of experience of what very early pregnancy feels like.
Anyway, all I can do is chart symptoms as they occur and see what pans out. I do feel pregnant, but I don't have any confidence that I'll continue to be (if I really am) for even another 24 hours. I am actually not looking forward to temping in the morning, because I feel unconfident and sort of expect to see another drop in temp, or at least not a rebound to the flat line of 36.8. And if I do see another drop in temp then my period is pretty much a dead cert for tomorrow at some point. Which a) isn't much fun, b) gives me a shorter luteal phase than last time (9 days), and c) is a bit disappointing, because I'd love to be pregnant again! :) But oh well! All this kind of talk is not evidence of me "trusting" God!! And I say I do, so I MUST act like it! Because I really do, underneath it all. I just get distracted. Which I shouldn't! ;)
So, I am not planning to test tomorrow. I will just temp and see if it drops some more, or if it stays the same or what. I would really just like my luteal phase to stay 10 days or more, which would mean my temp staying up till 11DPO or later really. But, I'm 10DPO tomorrow! That's not bad for She of Short Luteal Phases! :) I'll update my chart first thing with my temp.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
8DPO
It's late already and I really and truly have NO time to write a post tonight. Tomorrow is Day 90 of my challenge to read through the Bible in 90 days, and I was a bit behind so I have been focusing on reading instead of being online! I am caught up and on track to finish tomorrow now, wheee! :)
Anyway, chart-y stuff! ;)
Sooo I'm 8DPO today and look look LOOKIE at my temp again this morning!! I know you have already, but I'm still excited so I'm saying it anyway! ;) ANOTHER 36.8! Since my temp had that huge jump after (unproven but likely) implantation at 5DPO, my temps have been completely flat - the same every day. The only charts that I've had like this before are ones where I've been pregnant. So yes yes, I know I'm only 8DPO but seeing that temp I couldn't help myself! I ripped open my pack of 10 cheapy tests and peed on one! It's negative (of course?) but I do see a shadowy line that's barely pink, not greyish. Now, even though it's TOO EARLY to be seeing a positive test (for at least 99% of women at this stage!), looking at that test stick suddenly reminded me of the last couple of cycles, having pregnancy symptoms and a chart that agreed, and getting those negative tests - and I felt unconfident suddenly, and started to second guess myself. I had the same faintish barely there line two days running last cycle and called them positives because the line was THERE and fat and pink, just so so so terribly faint that I couldn't even do much with it in a photograph (though I tried, lol!). I kept them so I could compare this cycle in case it happened again, though they're kind of old now.
Anyway I started to second guess myself and think that maybe what I was looking at the last time was just negative tests, and the shadow that I could see was just what would have been there if I took them mid-cycle with no chance of being pregnant at all! I am sure I was pregnant last cycle, but I say this so many cycles that I become unconfident in myself and start to wonder if I'm just kidding myself? I know at the time that I have clear symptoms that I am very familiar with after all this time and all these babies! And charting helps to confirm that too. But today, looking at that fainter than faint (too faint) line again, I became discouraged and rather unconfident of the outcome of this cycle. I know that's silly because I'm only 8DPO, and LOOK at my chart (!!), and I have absolutely undeniable pregnancy symptoms right now (flashing static pains in my n*pples still, little tiny ligament "pulls" and "tweaks" inside my hips, frequent urination, slight gagginess, etc, which I never ever (ever) get at any point when I am not pregnant). I just worry that again I will say, "Oh I'm SO definitely pregnant!" and then keep on getting negative tests that I am convinced are faint faint positives, and then wouldn't you know it? I get my period after all. I begin to feel silly and childish when I look at it from a distance, and hope that I don't look that way to other people (because that could be the case!).
After I tested this morning I thought I didn't really want to test again tomorrow. I thought I would wait till 10DPO. But, more realistically, I will see what my temp is in the morning. I'm still not really expecting a drop in temp as early as 9DPO (could happen at 10DPO or 11DPO though, if my period will arrive), so I guess it should still be raised. HOW raised, is the key though. If I see it right up there again, I KNOW I am going to want to test again! ;) So we'll see. I have plenty of tests and they were not remotely expensive so that's not an issue. I should probably wait, but it's no good trying to reason with me on that one because I am not a waiter! ;) I get caught up in the moment and can't stand the idea of being sensible and waiting, even if it slightly messes with my sanity as a result, haha!
Today I think has been quite a quiet, neutral day again as far as my body goes. It just feels calm and still and quiet in there somehow, and I know I am not even describing the feeling right, because I don't mean silent or dormant at ALL. Like a calm before a storm type of feeling. But nice, not scary.
I have mild cramps on and off as yesterday. No BAD cramps yet, which are a sure sign of pregnancy in my luteal phase. Mild cramps I may have whether pregnant or not. My breasts are tender today and I've had more of that static that I mentioned before (pregnant!). My mood has really stabilised, although I'm a bit sensitive and overwhelmed still, just nowhere near as much as before (thankfully!!). I ate the pizza I couldn't eat last night, heated up for lunch today, and it was okay. I felt a big gaggy by the end, but my tummy felt happier to eat it at that different time of day.
I've had a bit of a sore throat today, but not like I am getting ill. In fact I highly doubt I am getting ill, since it's been nearly a week since I've been anywhere to catch anything! I'm BUSY at home all the time lately! The boys are all healthy and their outings are mostly to wide open spaces to RUN AND RUN and walk for miles (literally!) and play and hide. I know there is an actual search category at the FF chart gallery for "sore throat" and a LOT of pregnancy charts come up when you enter that - I read about that in a post there a few years ago, and was reminded of it when I had a slightly sore/scratchy throat that came to nothing in my LP when pregnant with Matthew, and again with Nathan I think, but not so much. It may be nothing to do with pregnancy of course, but being Crazy Obsesso-Woman, I wanted to note it! ;)
Very little CM again, though I'm starting to feel the urge to check my underwear today, I guess now that I'm getting nearer to the end of my usual short luteal phase, or maybe it's more to do with the sudden unconfident feeling I described above? Anyway, starting to spot check!
I have had a weird little "cracking" sensation (little flashes of sort of ultra quick ligament pains that almost feel like my skin cracking on the inside - weird, I I know but I don't know how else to describe it) on the front of my tummy a few inches below my tummy button today, as I was holding Benjamin and rocking him at naptime. This really caught my attention because it's something I have experienced time and time again when holding my babies or toddlers and rocking them either at naptime, bedtime, or during the night over the years. But only when I'm pregnant. I don't even know what it is! All I know is that I feel it in that very same place, and higher up at the same central point as my bump rises up in the first half of pregnancy - I don't get it in the 2nd half of pregnancy really - and only when holding a weight like a heavy older baby or a small toddler on my front in my arms, and shifting my weight about to rock them.
I am not sure what to do if I'm NOT pregnant this cycle. I think perhaps I will start to wonder if I'm going crazy! I KNOW that I am pregnant, and yet I am starting to feel foolish for "knowing" each cycle recently and never actually getting past the end of my luteal phase before a period comes anyway. I know I do get chemical pregnancies until my luteal phase is long enough to support a pregnancy (and IS it, this time?? I'm suddenly unconfident...), but I still look back and start to wonder if I'm just going crazy here!
Well I am sure there was more, but I should stop now and go to bed. Oh! But another weird little coincidence - when I was waiting to find out if I was pregnant with Benjamin (well, only about 4DPO actually), a friend who I hadn't been in touch with for a while sent me an out-of-the-blue message at Facebook, pouring out her heart to me because she and her husband had been trying for a baby for a while and were having no success. I felt so conflicted about writing a reply to her, because I knew (in my knower!) that I was pregnant and just waiting to find out for sure, but the timing seemed horrible for her, and I didn't want to crush her with news of my pregnancy soon after. I was just honest with her in the end, and it was okay. She has since had a baby boy :) Anyway, so the day before yesterday I got a message at Facebook from a school friend I haven't heard from in ages, saying that she just had an ectopic pregnancy and has been trying for a baby with her hubby for a long time and is feeling so sad that it isn't happening! Again with the horrible timing for my sweet friend, if I'm pregnant! :S I hate my happy news to hurt others who are struggling in this area, whenever I announce that I'm pregnant. Anyway, that was an uncanny similarity to last time I was pregnant (and actually really pregnant too! :) ).
Ohhh I woke this morning from a REALLY vivid dream (another good sign of pregnancy for me, late in my LP usually and beyond). It was soooo detailed and in long sections, and very emotional, and I remember it all so clearly. I gave birth to a baby boy (my 5th child, so hmmm!...) and the dream then got so weird and the storyline is way to complicated and drawn out to go into here really, but basically Neil wanted me to cycle places to get things with him the same day I gave birth, and I struggled and we argued, and I got lost when we parted ways to find the right route, and then there was a fire in our house (somehow I was there again!) and I put it out with the fire extinguisher, and that made the batteries in the recharger explode (?!), and then I got kidnapped by a gunman along with various other people, and we were walking through an airport and I was getting more and more breathlessly exhausted and kept begging them to let me go, saying that I had just given birth that morning and my baby needed me. When they said I could go I started to "ugly" cry and just didn't stop for aaaages, and woke up doing dry snorty sobs! ;) Weirdness. I was just so relieved to be allowed to go to my baby, because I was so anxious about him crying for me or being hungry (he didn't want to feed after he was born, and then somehow I was separated from him for the rest of the dream). Neil noted (when I told him about it) that the gunman aspect is often part of my dreams when I'm pregnant. I have had some HORRIBLE violent and terrifying "gunman" dreams when pregnant before, and I STILL see some of them clearly when I even cast a thought in their direction, from Arthur's pregnancy. I actually die of gunshot wounds (sometimes slowly) before waking up in some of them. Urgh.
Anyway!! So, weird dream - also a pregnancy sign in itself.
Must go to bed! I will update my chart asap in the morning. This morning I temped and updated my chart RIGHT AWAY in the bedroom a good 30 minutes before I had chance to take the pregnancy test, and then I didn't get the chance to update the chart with the result till Benjamin napped a bit later, so that's why I updated with my temp and yet no test result for a while. If I test tomorrow, it might be the same order of events, but I will post it as soon as I'm able, later in the morning hopefully!
Oh and as far as the "5" on my chart that is on a line called "stats" - the stats line is just to show, based on all the previous charts I've entered (ie, my history, or stats) when I'm likely to ovulate (the green squares along that line show the window that I might expect to ovulate in - there's such a long line of them because I have such a HUGE range in the cycle day that I ovulate over the years!), and when I might expect my period to arrive. There are red squares for the days when my period might show up, based on past history of what cycle day my period has showed up on before. Then they take my normal average luteal phase (which is 12 days I think), and every time my chart records that I've ovulated, a WHITE square shows up in the stats line 13 days ahead. That is the recommended test day, according to FF! The 5 is the start of the 5,4,3,2,1 countdown to the white box :) Nothing exciting really, since I test anyway even when it says "FIVE DAYS TO GO TILL YOU CAN TEST!!!" hahaha! ;)
Okay, bed! Back tomorrow at NINE days past ovulation! :) I love seeing my LP getting closer to normal length again! :)
Anyway, chart-y stuff! ;)
Sooo I'm 8DPO today and look look LOOKIE at my temp again this morning!! I know you have already, but I'm still excited so I'm saying it anyway! ;) ANOTHER 36.8! Since my temp had that huge jump after (unproven but likely) implantation at 5DPO, my temps have been completely flat - the same every day. The only charts that I've had like this before are ones where I've been pregnant. So yes yes, I know I'm only 8DPO but seeing that temp I couldn't help myself! I ripped open my pack of 10 cheapy tests and peed on one! It's negative (of course?) but I do see a shadowy line that's barely pink, not greyish. Now, even though it's TOO EARLY to be seeing a positive test (for at least 99% of women at this stage!), looking at that test stick suddenly reminded me of the last couple of cycles, having pregnancy symptoms and a chart that agreed, and getting those negative tests - and I felt unconfident suddenly, and started to second guess myself. I had the same faintish barely there line two days running last cycle and called them positives because the line was THERE and fat and pink, just so so so terribly faint that I couldn't even do much with it in a photograph (though I tried, lol!). I kept them so I could compare this cycle in case it happened again, though they're kind of old now.
Anyway I started to second guess myself and think that maybe what I was looking at the last time was just negative tests, and the shadow that I could see was just what would have been there if I took them mid-cycle with no chance of being pregnant at all! I am sure I was pregnant last cycle, but I say this so many cycles that I become unconfident in myself and start to wonder if I'm just kidding myself? I know at the time that I have clear symptoms that I am very familiar with after all this time and all these babies! And charting helps to confirm that too. But today, looking at that fainter than faint (too faint) line again, I became discouraged and rather unconfident of the outcome of this cycle. I know that's silly because I'm only 8DPO, and LOOK at my chart (!!), and I have absolutely undeniable pregnancy symptoms right now (flashing static pains in my n*pples still, little tiny ligament "pulls" and "tweaks" inside my hips, frequent urination, slight gagginess, etc, which I never ever (ever) get at any point when I am not pregnant). I just worry that again I will say, "Oh I'm SO definitely pregnant!" and then keep on getting negative tests that I am convinced are faint faint positives, and then wouldn't you know it? I get my period after all. I begin to feel silly and childish when I look at it from a distance, and hope that I don't look that way to other people (because that could be the case!).
After I tested this morning I thought I didn't really want to test again tomorrow. I thought I would wait till 10DPO. But, more realistically, I will see what my temp is in the morning. I'm still not really expecting a drop in temp as early as 9DPO (could happen at 10DPO or 11DPO though, if my period will arrive), so I guess it should still be raised. HOW raised, is the key though. If I see it right up there again, I KNOW I am going to want to test again! ;) So we'll see. I have plenty of tests and they were not remotely expensive so that's not an issue. I should probably wait, but it's no good trying to reason with me on that one because I am not a waiter! ;) I get caught up in the moment and can't stand the idea of being sensible and waiting, even if it slightly messes with my sanity as a result, haha!
Today I think has been quite a quiet, neutral day again as far as my body goes. It just feels calm and still and quiet in there somehow, and I know I am not even describing the feeling right, because I don't mean silent or dormant at ALL. Like a calm before a storm type of feeling. But nice, not scary.
I have mild cramps on and off as yesterday. No BAD cramps yet, which are a sure sign of pregnancy in my luteal phase. Mild cramps I may have whether pregnant or not. My breasts are tender today and I've had more of that static that I mentioned before (pregnant!). My mood has really stabilised, although I'm a bit sensitive and overwhelmed still, just nowhere near as much as before (thankfully!!). I ate the pizza I couldn't eat last night, heated up for lunch today, and it was okay. I felt a big gaggy by the end, but my tummy felt happier to eat it at that different time of day.
I've had a bit of a sore throat today, but not like I am getting ill. In fact I highly doubt I am getting ill, since it's been nearly a week since I've been anywhere to catch anything! I'm BUSY at home all the time lately! The boys are all healthy and their outings are mostly to wide open spaces to RUN AND RUN and walk for miles (literally!) and play and hide. I know there is an actual search category at the FF chart gallery for "sore throat" and a LOT of pregnancy charts come up when you enter that - I read about that in a post there a few years ago, and was reminded of it when I had a slightly sore/scratchy throat that came to nothing in my LP when pregnant with Matthew, and again with Nathan I think, but not so much. It may be nothing to do with pregnancy of course, but being Crazy Obsesso-Woman, I wanted to note it! ;)
Very little CM again, though I'm starting to feel the urge to check my underwear today, I guess now that I'm getting nearer to the end of my usual short luteal phase, or maybe it's more to do with the sudden unconfident feeling I described above? Anyway, starting to spot check!
I have had a weird little "cracking" sensation (little flashes of sort of ultra quick ligament pains that almost feel like my skin cracking on the inside - weird, I I know but I don't know how else to describe it) on the front of my tummy a few inches below my tummy button today, as I was holding Benjamin and rocking him at naptime. This really caught my attention because it's something I have experienced time and time again when holding my babies or toddlers and rocking them either at naptime, bedtime, or during the night over the years. But only when I'm pregnant. I don't even know what it is! All I know is that I feel it in that very same place, and higher up at the same central point as my bump rises up in the first half of pregnancy - I don't get it in the 2nd half of pregnancy really - and only when holding a weight like a heavy older baby or a small toddler on my front in my arms, and shifting my weight about to rock them.
I am not sure what to do if I'm NOT pregnant this cycle. I think perhaps I will start to wonder if I'm going crazy! I KNOW that I am pregnant, and yet I am starting to feel foolish for "knowing" each cycle recently and never actually getting past the end of my luteal phase before a period comes anyway. I know I do get chemical pregnancies until my luteal phase is long enough to support a pregnancy (and IS it, this time?? I'm suddenly unconfident...), but I still look back and start to wonder if I'm just going crazy here!
Well I am sure there was more, but I should stop now and go to bed. Oh! But another weird little coincidence - when I was waiting to find out if I was pregnant with Benjamin (well, only about 4DPO actually), a friend who I hadn't been in touch with for a while sent me an out-of-the-blue message at Facebook, pouring out her heart to me because she and her husband had been trying for a baby for a while and were having no success. I felt so conflicted about writing a reply to her, because I knew (in my knower!) that I was pregnant and just waiting to find out for sure, but the timing seemed horrible for her, and I didn't want to crush her with news of my pregnancy soon after. I was just honest with her in the end, and it was okay. She has since had a baby boy :) Anyway, so the day before yesterday I got a message at Facebook from a school friend I haven't heard from in ages, saying that she just had an ectopic pregnancy and has been trying for a baby with her hubby for a long time and is feeling so sad that it isn't happening! Again with the horrible timing for my sweet friend, if I'm pregnant! :S I hate my happy news to hurt others who are struggling in this area, whenever I announce that I'm pregnant. Anyway, that was an uncanny similarity to last time I was pregnant (and actually really pregnant too! :) ).
Ohhh I woke this morning from a REALLY vivid dream (another good sign of pregnancy for me, late in my LP usually and beyond). It was soooo detailed and in long sections, and very emotional, and I remember it all so clearly. I gave birth to a baby boy (my 5th child, so hmmm!...) and the dream then got so weird and the storyline is way to complicated and drawn out to go into here really, but basically Neil wanted me to cycle places to get things with him the same day I gave birth, and I struggled and we argued, and I got lost when we parted ways to find the right route, and then there was a fire in our house (somehow I was there again!) and I put it out with the fire extinguisher, and that made the batteries in the recharger explode (?!), and then I got kidnapped by a gunman along with various other people, and we were walking through an airport and I was getting more and more breathlessly exhausted and kept begging them to let me go, saying that I had just given birth that morning and my baby needed me. When they said I could go I started to "ugly" cry and just didn't stop for aaaages, and woke up doing dry snorty sobs! ;) Weirdness. I was just so relieved to be allowed to go to my baby, because I was so anxious about him crying for me or being hungry (he didn't want to feed after he was born, and then somehow I was separated from him for the rest of the dream). Neil noted (when I told him about it) that the gunman aspect is often part of my dreams when I'm pregnant. I have had some HORRIBLE violent and terrifying "gunman" dreams when pregnant before, and I STILL see some of them clearly when I even cast a thought in their direction, from Arthur's pregnancy. I actually die of gunshot wounds (sometimes slowly) before waking up in some of them. Urgh.
Anyway!! So, weird dream - also a pregnancy sign in itself.
Must go to bed! I will update my chart asap in the morning. This morning I temped and updated my chart RIGHT AWAY in the bedroom a good 30 minutes before I had chance to take the pregnancy test, and then I didn't get the chance to update the chart with the result till Benjamin napped a bit later, so that's why I updated with my temp and yet no test result for a while. If I test tomorrow, it might be the same order of events, but I will post it as soon as I'm able, later in the morning hopefully!
Oh and as far as the "5" on my chart that is on a line called "stats" - the stats line is just to show, based on all the previous charts I've entered (ie, my history, or stats) when I'm likely to ovulate (the green squares along that line show the window that I might expect to ovulate in - there's such a long line of them because I have such a HUGE range in the cycle day that I ovulate over the years!), and when I might expect my period to arrive. There are red squares for the days when my period might show up, based on past history of what cycle day my period has showed up on before. Then they take my normal average luteal phase (which is 12 days I think), and every time my chart records that I've ovulated, a WHITE square shows up in the stats line 13 days ahead. That is the recommended test day, according to FF! The 5 is the start of the 5,4,3,2,1 countdown to the white box :) Nothing exciting really, since I test anyway even when it says "FIVE DAYS TO GO TILL YOU CAN TEST!!!" hahaha! ;)
Okay, bed! Back tomorrow at NINE days past ovulation! :) I love seeing my LP getting closer to normal length again! :)
Monday, March 29, 2010
Broken record at 7DPO
Well I feel like I have loooads that I want to write here today! :) I've had a couple of neutral-ish days with not much to report (despite the long entry I managed to waffle out last night, haha!).
Well I'm 7DPO at fully aware that I sound like a broken record and also risk mucho sheepishness (if I'm wrong, that is) when I say I am completely totally and absolutely 100% SURE that I am pregnant.
* My temp is flat! It's the same as yesterday's - up there at 36.8 after that huge spike from the previous flatish temps.
* There is static electricity in my n*pples (gross Googlers). Not continually, but several times today and sometimes going on for a while. Nevvvver ever get that unless in early pregnancy. Nevvver.
* Having some teensy ligament pains and pulls out to my left hip area today, here and there.
* Definitely needing to wee more frequently today. Not crazy loads, but a noticable increase for me, and I'm actually (naughtily!) not drinking enough fluids as well.
* The boys had an early tea tonight so after they went to bed we indulged in a treat and ordered Dominos Pizza! Yum!! I sank my teeth into that first slice going, "Mmmmm, mmmmm!" like usual, but before I got to the end of the first slice I put it down and just sat staring at it. Neil asked what was wrong, and I said, "I don't know if I can eat it." He asked what was wrong with it, and there was NOTHING wrong with the pizza, and I wanted to eat it! But I could not put my finger on why - I just didn't think I could stomach it. I felt ever so slightly gaggy trying to eat it. Even though I knew I liked it. I tried eating some more and very quickly felt sick and yucky and bloated and gassy(er than usual! Still having issues with that symptom!). Now it's nearly 3 hours later and I still haven't eaten it! I tried again after an hour when I felt less queasy but my tummy just doesn't want it and I felt yucky again. Now, I'm perfectly healthy and happily ate some nibbles leading up to the pizza. Have not been anywhere to catch anything viral, nor have the boys. It's just WEIRD for me.
Or IS it?! ;) Quote from my pregnancy diary at 11DPO in Arthur's pregnancy that I searched for just now:
"Yesterday I did a weird thing. My mummy has these liquorice and aniseed sweets which I LOVE. She offered me one and I thought hmmm, I don't know if I can eat that. I mean, literally. I took one but the idea of eating it made me feel gaggy, so I smelt it in it's wrapper and had to say no and hand it back. Weird."
* I have felt gaggy at several things today, just mildly. Smells in the kitchen sink - blech. A boy's hand that he had been chewing and it smelled saliva-y. The sound of a slightly productive cough. Benjamin's not-actually-all-that-offensive pooey nappy. Melted butter (sight and smell). All those things have made my throat constrict a bit and my tummy feel tense and yucky. Yeurgh. I am SURE I am pregnant with this one!
* My mouth has been watering all evening, just along with the yucky feeling in my tummy.
What else? Very little CM today, in contrast to the previous days! Not charting weepy or increased appetite today because those are suddenly not really there! I'm not horribly irritable either today, which is a relief! I do have a hearty appetite today, but just not intensely hungry enough to chart increased appetite, so I haven't. Backache is there as usual but I think it's better than it has been for quite a while, today. Also I'm mildly crampy today, on and off, all day. I am noticably crampy when I'm breastfeeding, which I have noted in previous pregnant luteal phases, but it's still only mild cramping. No other twinges to report today! ;)
Benjamin just woke up for a feed and I have lost my train of thought! So I'll stop for now. It's getting late anyway.
Tomorrow if my temp stays up in the high range (above 36.5 or so) my chart will be triphasic. Okay, so Fertility Friend will not acknowledge it as triphasic because the 2nd phase of high temps will have occurred outside of their "expected" window based on the average implantation window (7-10DPO), and not MY average implantation window (4-7DPO), which is annoying!!!! But for that reason I will call it triphasic even when they don't, because it WILL be! Now, a triphasic chart can and does occur in ovulatory (non-pregnancy) cycles, but it's known to be a good indicator for pregnancy when it occurs. In my case, it's a VERY good indicator for pregnancy, especially with the rise to the third level of temps being so dramatic. Flat temps for me are also a very good pregnancy indicator, although they can occur at other times, just rarely for me.
So I will be 8DPO tomorrow, and hopefully not anywhere near expecting a period to possibly arrive yet (would wonder about that around 10DPO). 8DPO is "way too early for testing", but you KNOW I am going to pee on a stick tomorrow morning if my temp is still up and my chart is triphasic. I fully expect it to be up anyway because I don't expect my period yet. But a triphasic chart (IF it is tomorrow) and these symptoms today.... I will definitely be testing. I don't care if it's too early and I get a clear negative result! I still want to test!!! I have a pack of 10 tests and I'm not scared to use them, haha! ;)
Soooo I will update tomorrow - hopefully in the morning, with a photo of my negative test result, hahaha! ;)
I'm very excited people! :D
Does it show?! ;)
Well I'm 7DPO at fully aware that I sound like a broken record and also risk mucho sheepishness (if I'm wrong, that is) when I say I am completely totally and absolutely 100% SURE that I am pregnant.
* My temp is flat! It's the same as yesterday's - up there at 36.8 after that huge spike from the previous flatish temps.
* There is static electricity in my n*pples (gross Googlers). Not continually, but several times today and sometimes going on for a while. Nevvvver ever get that unless in early pregnancy. Nevvver.
* Having some teensy ligament pains and pulls out to my left hip area today, here and there.
* Definitely needing to wee more frequently today. Not crazy loads, but a noticable increase for me, and I'm actually (naughtily!) not drinking enough fluids as well.
* The boys had an early tea tonight so after they went to bed we indulged in a treat and ordered Dominos Pizza! Yum!! I sank my teeth into that first slice going, "Mmmmm, mmmmm!" like usual, but before I got to the end of the first slice I put it down and just sat staring at it. Neil asked what was wrong, and I said, "I don't know if I can eat it." He asked what was wrong with it, and there was NOTHING wrong with the pizza, and I wanted to eat it! But I could not put my finger on why - I just didn't think I could stomach it. I felt ever so slightly gaggy trying to eat it. Even though I knew I liked it. I tried eating some more and very quickly felt sick and yucky and bloated and gassy(er than usual! Still having issues with that symptom!). Now it's nearly 3 hours later and I still haven't eaten it! I tried again after an hour when I felt less queasy but my tummy just doesn't want it and I felt yucky again. Now, I'm perfectly healthy and happily ate some nibbles leading up to the pizza. Have not been anywhere to catch anything viral, nor have the boys. It's just WEIRD for me.
Or IS it?! ;) Quote from my pregnancy diary at 11DPO in Arthur's pregnancy that I searched for just now:
"Yesterday I did a weird thing. My mummy has these liquorice and aniseed sweets which I LOVE. She offered me one and I thought hmmm, I don't know if I can eat that. I mean, literally. I took one but the idea of eating it made me feel gaggy, so I smelt it in it's wrapper and had to say no and hand it back. Weird."
* I have felt gaggy at several things today, just mildly. Smells in the kitchen sink - blech. A boy's hand that he had been chewing and it smelled saliva-y. The sound of a slightly productive cough. Benjamin's not-actually-all-that-offensive pooey nappy. Melted butter (sight and smell). All those things have made my throat constrict a bit and my tummy feel tense and yucky. Yeurgh. I am SURE I am pregnant with this one!
* My mouth has been watering all evening, just along with the yucky feeling in my tummy.
What else? Very little CM today, in contrast to the previous days! Not charting weepy or increased appetite today because those are suddenly not really there! I'm not horribly irritable either today, which is a relief! I do have a hearty appetite today, but just not intensely hungry enough to chart increased appetite, so I haven't. Backache is there as usual but I think it's better than it has been for quite a while, today. Also I'm mildly crampy today, on and off, all day. I am noticably crampy when I'm breastfeeding, which I have noted in previous pregnant luteal phases, but it's still only mild cramping. No other twinges to report today! ;)
Benjamin just woke up for a feed and I have lost my train of thought! So I'll stop for now. It's getting late anyway.
Tomorrow if my temp stays up in the high range (above 36.5 or so) my chart will be triphasic. Okay, so Fertility Friend will not acknowledge it as triphasic because the 2nd phase of high temps will have occurred outside of their "expected" window based on the average implantation window (7-10DPO), and not MY average implantation window (4-7DPO), which is annoying!!!! But for that reason I will call it triphasic even when they don't, because it WILL be! Now, a triphasic chart can and does occur in ovulatory (non-pregnancy) cycles, but it's known to be a good indicator for pregnancy when it occurs. In my case, it's a VERY good indicator for pregnancy, especially with the rise to the third level of temps being so dramatic. Flat temps for me are also a very good pregnancy indicator, although they can occur at other times, just rarely for me.
So I will be 8DPO tomorrow, and hopefully not anywhere near expecting a period to possibly arrive yet (would wonder about that around 10DPO). 8DPO is "way too early for testing", but you KNOW I am going to pee on a stick tomorrow morning if my temp is still up and my chart is triphasic. I fully expect it to be up anyway because I don't expect my period yet. But a triphasic chart (IF it is tomorrow) and these symptoms today.... I will definitely be testing. I don't care if it's too early and I get a clear negative result! I still want to test!!! I have a pack of 10 tests and I'm not scared to use them, haha! ;)
Soooo I will update tomorrow - hopefully in the morning, with a photo of my negative test result, hahaha! ;)
I'm very excited people! :D
Does it show?! ;)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
6DPO today
Yesterday I didn't update here because there wasn't much to write about. My temp was still in the 36.4/5 range (slight dip from the previous two days back down to 36.4), and I had a very quiet day as far as any signs or symptoms go. The usual backache, tiredness, weepiness, irritability, hungry thing that I've been having pretty much since I ovulated, but not much else. A very NON-crampy day, and today has been much the same until early this evening. I've been mildly crampy since then.
But this morning my temp was 36.8!!!! That's a HUGE jump - my chart looks so weird now, hehe! Now I'm very interested to see if it stays up in that range for the next couple of days and shows a triphasic pattern. My usual window for implantation is between 4DPO and 7DPO (never had implantation outside of that window, for all 12 (!!) conceptions), so I'm right in that window at the moment. I wondered yesterday if the little dip in my temp could be implantation, but I think it's probably too small a dip? Anyway, the jump in temp this morning could confirm that, if I do turn out to be pregnant.
My hormones are wacky, whatever the cause! I feel soooo much like I have PMS, which I am not used to, because even if I get a taste of that for real before a period, it's usually pretty mild. Also this has been going on since ovulation. Yesterday I was tidying the living room while the boys were at the park with Neil and Benjamin played on the floor, and I looked out of the window and saw a little girl of about 6 on a new pink bike, and her Daddy was pushing it along and teaching her soooo carefully and lovingly how to ride it, and I just started to cry! Now, granted, that IS a tear-jerking sight, but I never actually cry at these things. I get a warm feeling in my heart and maybe a lump in my throat at most, and just think, "Awww!" Not sobbing away looking for a hanky to blow my nose on! I was only thinking a couple of weeks ago that I actually can't remember the last time I cried about something I was sensitive over or feeling sad about, apart from in prayer when God burdens my heart in some way, but that's different. I don't know when else I've ever been able to say that. I'm just SO HAPPY with my life right now! :)
Yesterday I was so so so tired out. Today I was able to go to bed when Benjamin napped and slept three hours!!! What a luxury mothers of only one napping child have when tired and pregnant!!! I forgot quite how luxurious it is, even if it's not much napping time. When I only had one child, he happened to be a horrendous napper and would only take a couple of VERY unpredictable 30-minute naps a day, so I never got to rest then either! ;) So anyway, I feel a lot better this afternoon, for the extra sleep.
I have had some random EWCM today, but not much. I haven't even bothered to chart it, because really it was only that one time when I noticed it, and the rest of the day it hasn't been EWCM. Also, if I do chart it, I will get that annoying dotted red crosshair line on my chart because it can't fathom why I'd have EWCM after ovulating. *sigh* So I won't! I have more CM than usual still.
I have increased appetite enough to chart it, but not ridiculously so. I'm not scrunching with hunger all the time, but I am hungry before mealtimes consistently through the day, even if my previous meal was a good one. And nibbly all evening too...
Hmmm, what else? Oh tender breasts today! Well, one of them anyway, lol! ;) That's of note for me, since I don't remember it being something I have this early in my LP normally, but who knows. I guess it could be if I am only going to have a couple more days in my LP this cycle.
I really have felt so neutral these last couple of days! I am feeling crampy this evening but only mildly. This afternoon though, I was lying in bed breastfeeding Benjamin and noticed a crampy sensation while he was feeding, which I think I mentioned the last two cycles during my LP. Then the next time I was lying down to feed him, I had a weird sensation that interested me - like the tickly feeling of an insect running along my pubic bone! I know, weird. It was a tingly tickly sensation, more inside than outside on the surface, but a very strong sensation. That is definitely something familiar from very early in my previous pregnancies - tingly/tickly sensations along my pubic bone, that is. For me, they carry on for several weeks after this kind of stage, but not all the time.
I've had mild heartburn in the early evening today and yesterday. Oh and I'm really constipated. Yeurgh. Just these last few days, and I do wonder if it could account for some of the discomfort that I've been feeling, because I guess it's hard to tell miiild crampiness apart from that kind of discomfort since it's very close together! ;) Sorry for the TMI! But it's just as bad as it was, and I had a couple of days without many cramps, and then today I'm noticing cramps again, so I don't think I'm confusing it. Hopefully that will get better soon! I do get really constipated in the 1st trimester, but it's probably too early for it to be pregnancy-related. I think? I'm still gassy and bloated as I was before. Maybe a little less horribly though? Aren't I painting such a LOVELY picture?! ;)
Well I think that's it. No more run-ins with twin girls, haha! ;) I'm excited about this cycle and beginning to wonder if it could really be true that I might be pregnant this cycle! Yesterday felt so neutral that I lost my "calm and sure" feeling and started to think I probably wasn't pregnant and maybe that "very likely" conception had even failed already - many do in the first few days. Anyway, I will see what my temp is in the morning, and chart it as soon as I'm able. Thanks for the comments! Annie, I DID do something to my comments box! But I can't remember what! I'm glad it means you're able to comment though - hooray! :)
But this morning my temp was 36.8!!!! That's a HUGE jump - my chart looks so weird now, hehe! Now I'm very interested to see if it stays up in that range for the next couple of days and shows a triphasic pattern. My usual window for implantation is between 4DPO and 7DPO (never had implantation outside of that window, for all 12 (!!) conceptions), so I'm right in that window at the moment. I wondered yesterday if the little dip in my temp could be implantation, but I think it's probably too small a dip? Anyway, the jump in temp this morning could confirm that, if I do turn out to be pregnant.
My hormones are wacky, whatever the cause! I feel soooo much like I have PMS, which I am not used to, because even if I get a taste of that for real before a period, it's usually pretty mild. Also this has been going on since ovulation. Yesterday I was tidying the living room while the boys were at the park with Neil and Benjamin played on the floor, and I looked out of the window and saw a little girl of about 6 on a new pink bike, and her Daddy was pushing it along and teaching her soooo carefully and lovingly how to ride it, and I just started to cry! Now, granted, that IS a tear-jerking sight, but I never actually cry at these things. I get a warm feeling in my heart and maybe a lump in my throat at most, and just think, "Awww!" Not sobbing away looking for a hanky to blow my nose on! I was only thinking a couple of weeks ago that I actually can't remember the last time I cried about something I was sensitive over or feeling sad about, apart from in prayer when God burdens my heart in some way, but that's different. I don't know when else I've ever been able to say that. I'm just SO HAPPY with my life right now! :)
Yesterday I was so so so tired out. Today I was able to go to bed when Benjamin napped and slept three hours!!! What a luxury mothers of only one napping child have when tired and pregnant!!! I forgot quite how luxurious it is, even if it's not much napping time. When I only had one child, he happened to be a horrendous napper and would only take a couple of VERY unpredictable 30-minute naps a day, so I never got to rest then either! ;) So anyway, I feel a lot better this afternoon, for the extra sleep.
I have had some random EWCM today, but not much. I haven't even bothered to chart it, because really it was only that one time when I noticed it, and the rest of the day it hasn't been EWCM. Also, if I do chart it, I will get that annoying dotted red crosshair line on my chart because it can't fathom why I'd have EWCM after ovulating. *sigh* So I won't! I have more CM than usual still.
I have increased appetite enough to chart it, but not ridiculously so. I'm not scrunching with hunger all the time, but I am hungry before mealtimes consistently through the day, even if my previous meal was a good one. And nibbly all evening too...
Hmmm, what else? Oh tender breasts today! Well, one of them anyway, lol! ;) That's of note for me, since I don't remember it being something I have this early in my LP normally, but who knows. I guess it could be if I am only going to have a couple more days in my LP this cycle.
I really have felt so neutral these last couple of days! I am feeling crampy this evening but only mildly. This afternoon though, I was lying in bed breastfeeding Benjamin and noticed a crampy sensation while he was feeding, which I think I mentioned the last two cycles during my LP. Then the next time I was lying down to feed him, I had a weird sensation that interested me - like the tickly feeling of an insect running along my pubic bone! I know, weird. It was a tingly tickly sensation, more inside than outside on the surface, but a very strong sensation. That is definitely something familiar from very early in my previous pregnancies - tingly/tickly sensations along my pubic bone, that is. For me, they carry on for several weeks after this kind of stage, but not all the time.
I've had mild heartburn in the early evening today and yesterday. Oh and I'm really constipated. Yeurgh. Just these last few days, and I do wonder if it could account for some of the discomfort that I've been feeling, because I guess it's hard to tell miiild crampiness apart from that kind of discomfort since it's very close together! ;) Sorry for the TMI! But it's just as bad as it was, and I had a couple of days without many cramps, and then today I'm noticing cramps again, so I don't think I'm confusing it. Hopefully that will get better soon! I do get really constipated in the 1st trimester, but it's probably too early for it to be pregnancy-related. I think? I'm still gassy and bloated as I was before. Maybe a little less horribly though? Aren't I painting such a LOVELY picture?! ;)
Well I think that's it. No more run-ins with twin girls, haha! ;) I'm excited about this cycle and beginning to wonder if it could really be true that I might be pregnant this cycle! Yesterday felt so neutral that I lost my "calm and sure" feeling and started to think I probably wasn't pregnant and maybe that "very likely" conception had even failed already - many do in the first few days. Anyway, I will see what my temp is in the morning, and chart it as soon as I'm able. Thanks for the comments! Annie, I DID do something to my comments box! But I can't remember what! I'm glad it means you're able to comment though - hooray! :)
Friday, March 26, 2010
4DPO
I know it totally does not mean that I WILL end up pregnant this cycle, but I have such a very very pregnant vibe this time. Already. Seriously. I think that if I turn out not to be pregnant I will feel so surprised! I can't really say why, but that's just how I feel. Maybe it's the whole "history" thing? With the fact that I've had my couple of chemical pregnancies now, and historically, the next cycle is "the one". Or that my last luteal phase was 10 days, and historically, the cycle after that is "the one". Or the fact that we're getting close to the age gap that I'm used to - it would be 17 months if I'm pregnant this cycle, and the other age gaps are just over 19 months, 18 months and 3 weeks, and 17 months and 3 weeks. I hope I am not becoming complacent because if so then a humbling event is probably in order for me. So I hope not! I would hope that I put ZERO faith in my body or Neil's. None whatsoever. Without God opening my womb we have no hope of managing to conceive at all! Everything we have achieved as far as babies and pregnancy and fertility goes, is from the Lord. He has blessed us beyond measure! :)
So last night (on the day after my run in with newborn twin girls at the doctor's!) I was just about to shut down the laptop and go to bed as it was late. I was on Facebook and as I went to close the window I noticed a new friend request. It was from someone I don't know, so I sent a message asking (nicely!) who she was and how we knew each other. We had one friend in common and she said she saw a comment from me on one of this friend's updates, and clicked on my name, saw my latest update (which I don't keep private) and just liked it. So she thought she would friend me! Soooo random! She had a bunch of little boys in her profile picture and they looked similar ages to mine so I thought they were hers, but she told me that they are her grandsons. She said she's very excited because she has twin granddaughters due in 6 weeks.
Goosebumps! :) How random is that?! And the very next day after the doctor's waiting room one!
Well, I have given Crazy Obsesso-Woman permission to come out and play, so here we go symptom-spotting at 4DPO, haha! ;)
My temps are climbing "flatly" (hehe!) which I like! :) 1DPO and 2DPO my temp was 36.4 both days, and then 3DPO and 4DPO it has been 36.5 both days! :) I am eager to temp in the mornings! I LOVE temping and charting when there's a chance of pregnancy! :)
I am very bloated and gassy today, without any food being the culprit. It started mildly during yesterday afternoon and has got worse and worse and worse and worse and worse (!!) since then and now it's just really really uncomfy and yucky! For me, this is really pregnant of me, and typically starts early in my luteal phase on cycles when I have conceived. It's a familiar symptom to me now, after the last two chemical pregnancy cycles. I can't remember if I get it when I'm not pregnant. I will have to check my chart notes for non-pregnant cycles... Even if I do, it's never this bad, I'm sure. Oh, I've just been to glance at my charts page and HOW annoying - the chart hasn't noted gassiness, even though I do check that box when I have that symptom! I have so many boxes that I check, that the chart only shows some of them, and gassiness is not one of them! Tsk! I could really do with seeing that at a glance over the various cycles! Oh well.
A weird thing is my hormones - already! I have felt weepy and sensitive since pretty much the day after I ovulated. Today I have added major irritability to that! I feel like I have a bad case of PMS, which I never really get - not anything worth mentioning anyway. Apart from being a bit weird this early in my luteal phase, the other notable thing is that for whatever reason, I have had other cycles where I have a few days of weepiness charted, from very soon after I ovulate, just in a block usually, though sometimes just on and off through my luteal phase. Almost all of those cycles were pregnant ones, including the chemical pregnancies. But not all my pregnant cycles have had weepiness early in my luteal phase. Anyway, worth noting for now. I just find that things make me well up easily, or I feel like crying over things when I NEVER feel like that any more. The irritability is awful and I'm having a hard time squashing it down. I have ZERO tolerance for any sort of irritation - including people, unfortunately! :S I remember being anxious about this exact feeling during my LP when I was pregnant with Matthew because I was worried that if I was pregnant it would last ALL of the first trimester and I'd be an awful mother to Arthur! I hadn't experienced it with Arthur's pregnancy. Or that if I WASN'T pregnant, I would be like this every month during my luteal phase!
Nothing much else to report, since it's so early! :) I have a lot of CM that I commonly might notice during my LP when pregnant. That isn't usual for me when not pregnant, but I could probably have it and NOT be pregnant, all the same. I'm just noting it for now!
Not much crampiness today, whereas up to yesterday evening I had a lot. I have charted one-sided pinching cramp for days running now. Part of that was to do with ovulation I think, with that very clear sensation I had, but I have had some twinges on my right side since then in the same place, and also some dragging achy sensation there too. Today there isn't any of the achy dragging sensation, but I have very occasionally had some flashy twinges in the same place again, more this evening than during the day, so I guess I should chart one-sided pinching cramp AGAIN, but it's really not as constant as it looks on my chart! I do have very persistant backache low down and in my pelvis though, but who knows, perhaps that is my back generally being bothered about life?! ;) I do get backache there from falling asleep breastfeeding in bed at night. I wake up a couple of hours later and OW my back hurts then!!
My milk supply is really plentiful right now and I still leak from one side while feeding Benjamin on the other. I hope when I AM pregnant that my milk supply will do well till he's 12 months old again, as God blessed me that way last time I had a baby on the way! :)
So, nothing else, I think? Oh but I ordered pregnancy tests online today :) I am going to need them this cycle, one way or another, and I would like them to arrive before I start getting fidgetty and wanting to use them, hehe! I ordered a pack of 10 cheapy internet ones (the same as I always use), because if I'm not pregnant then I'll probably use at least 3 proving that I'm not pregnant (!), and then if I AM pregnant the next cycle, I will likely use the rest of them proving that I am! ;) A pack of 5 would have been too small for my obsessive needs, haha!
Back in a day or so! Thanks for encouraging my daftness and being excited for me! ;)
So last night (on the day after my run in with newborn twin girls at the doctor's!) I was just about to shut down the laptop and go to bed as it was late. I was on Facebook and as I went to close the window I noticed a new friend request. It was from someone I don't know, so I sent a message asking (nicely!) who she was and how we knew each other. We had one friend in common and she said she saw a comment from me on one of this friend's updates, and clicked on my name, saw my latest update (which I don't keep private) and just liked it. So she thought she would friend me! Soooo random! She had a bunch of little boys in her profile picture and they looked similar ages to mine so I thought they were hers, but she told me that they are her grandsons. She said she's very excited because she has twin granddaughters due in 6 weeks.
Goosebumps! :) How random is that?! And the very next day after the doctor's waiting room one!
Well, I have given Crazy Obsesso-Woman permission to come out and play, so here we go symptom-spotting at 4DPO, haha! ;)
My temps are climbing "flatly" (hehe!) which I like! :) 1DPO and 2DPO my temp was 36.4 both days, and then 3DPO and 4DPO it has been 36.5 both days! :) I am eager to temp in the mornings! I LOVE temping and charting when there's a chance of pregnancy! :)
I am very bloated and gassy today, without any food being the culprit. It started mildly during yesterday afternoon and has got worse and worse and worse and worse and worse (!!) since then and now it's just really really uncomfy and yucky! For me, this is really pregnant of me, and typically starts early in my luteal phase on cycles when I have conceived. It's a familiar symptom to me now, after the last two chemical pregnancy cycles. I can't remember if I get it when I'm not pregnant. I will have to check my chart notes for non-pregnant cycles... Even if I do, it's never this bad, I'm sure. Oh, I've just been to glance at my charts page and HOW annoying - the chart hasn't noted gassiness, even though I do check that box when I have that symptom! I have so many boxes that I check, that the chart only shows some of them, and gassiness is not one of them! Tsk! I could really do with seeing that at a glance over the various cycles! Oh well.
A weird thing is my hormones - already! I have felt weepy and sensitive since pretty much the day after I ovulated. Today I have added major irritability to that! I feel like I have a bad case of PMS, which I never really get - not anything worth mentioning anyway. Apart from being a bit weird this early in my luteal phase, the other notable thing is that for whatever reason, I have had other cycles where I have a few days of weepiness charted, from very soon after I ovulate, just in a block usually, though sometimes just on and off through my luteal phase. Almost all of those cycles were pregnant ones, including the chemical pregnancies. But not all my pregnant cycles have had weepiness early in my luteal phase. Anyway, worth noting for now. I just find that things make me well up easily, or I feel like crying over things when I NEVER feel like that any more. The irritability is awful and I'm having a hard time squashing it down. I have ZERO tolerance for any sort of irritation - including people, unfortunately! :S I remember being anxious about this exact feeling during my LP when I was pregnant with Matthew because I was worried that if I was pregnant it would last ALL of the first trimester and I'd be an awful mother to Arthur! I hadn't experienced it with Arthur's pregnancy. Or that if I WASN'T pregnant, I would be like this every month during my luteal phase!
Nothing much else to report, since it's so early! :) I have a lot of CM that I commonly might notice during my LP when pregnant. That isn't usual for me when not pregnant, but I could probably have it and NOT be pregnant, all the same. I'm just noting it for now!
Not much crampiness today, whereas up to yesterday evening I had a lot. I have charted one-sided pinching cramp for days running now. Part of that was to do with ovulation I think, with that very clear sensation I had, but I have had some twinges on my right side since then in the same place, and also some dragging achy sensation there too. Today there isn't any of the achy dragging sensation, but I have very occasionally had some flashy twinges in the same place again, more this evening than during the day, so I guess I should chart one-sided pinching cramp AGAIN, but it's really not as constant as it looks on my chart! I do have very persistant backache low down and in my pelvis though, but who knows, perhaps that is my back generally being bothered about life?! ;) I do get backache there from falling asleep breastfeeding in bed at night. I wake up a couple of hours later and OW my back hurts then!!
My milk supply is really plentiful right now and I still leak from one side while feeding Benjamin on the other. I hope when I AM pregnant that my milk supply will do well till he's 12 months old again, as God blessed me that way last time I had a baby on the way! :)
So, nothing else, I think? Oh but I ordered pregnancy tests online today :) I am going to need them this cycle, one way or another, and I would like them to arrive before I start getting fidgetty and wanting to use them, hehe! I ordered a pack of 10 cheapy internet ones (the same as I always use), because if I'm not pregnant then I'll probably use at least 3 proving that I'm not pregnant (!), and then if I AM pregnant the next cycle, I will likely use the rest of them proving that I am! ;) A pack of 5 would have been too small for my obsessive needs, haha!
Back in a day or so! Thanks for encouraging my daftness and being excited for me! ;)
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Some coincidences...
Ahhh, thank you Jeannie, that makes sense! :) I Googled as well and found that you CAN ovulate twice in 24 hours (like Jeannie said, with fraternal twins - d'oh, of course!), but I just thought double ovulation would be ovulating two eggs at basically the exact same time. Apparently, not necessarily! But I'm still not sure because my temp had risen before the second round of ovulation pain, so that indicates a rise in progesterone, which would mean that my body wouldn't ovulate again after that had occurred. I think? Anyway.
My last period was definitely not implantation spotting though - it was heavier than usual and otherwise a normal period, and my temps have supported it (not that I've taken many of them this cycle), so I think everything points to a normal cycle with ovulation just having occurred. I still have a lot of pelvic discomfort today, but more just achy and draggy. Maybe it's something slightly embarrassing like constipation, and nothing to do with my reproductive system at all! ;)
Today my temp was the same as yesterday's temp, 36.4. I'm sort of waiting for it to go up a bit more, because while these are definitely post-ovulation temps, they are still on the low side, and I'm wondering what's to come. Flat temps are very often a pregnancy sign for me, according to my chart history! :) See, I'm symptom spotting at FORTY-EIGHT HOURS past ovulation. *sigh*
Okay, a couple of things I wanted to note from today - I had a smear test today. I just came due for one and they like it to be mid-cycle, so knowing I might be pregnant by the end of this cycle I hurried to make an appointment this week before it was too late! In the UK you're not allowed smear tests during pregnancy. If you're due one, you have to wait till after you've had the baby, and I did NOT want to wait another 10 months or so for a smear test once I'm due for one (since they only give them every THREE years in this country! I personally think that's rubbish, and women should be offered them at least annually!!).
Anyway. Smear test done. Watching for a little spotting from that, but none so far. I had some after my last one, so if I chart any, that's what it's from, okay? The nurse was somewhat agog that I'd had four babies (why is four so exceptionally unusual?!?! It isn't really, as far as I can see!), and even more so when she found out they were all boys and all under the age of 6. She asked about contraception and dropped her jaw again when I told her we don't use any. She asked if my cycles were regular (the routine questions) and I told her I am breastfeeding my 8-month-old, so I don't usually ovulate till around cycle day 20 and then I have a short luteal phase. This seemed like normal information to me, but she sat there frozen with her pen poised, just watching me in surprise and amusement! Apparently it's unusual for someone to know that much about her cycles! ;)
A few little "things" happened today that I wanted to note here, that made Neil and I exchange glances!
This morning I was sitting on the sofa with Matthew, and he was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Mummy? Who's in your tummy?" I confess my pulse quickened a bit! ;) Arthur has done this before, but Matthew has never said stuff like this to me, ever. I asked him what he meant, and he asked me again who was in my tummy, so I asked if he meant like a baby, and he said yes. Then he said, "Is someone in your tummy?" and his eyes were so intent and open, searching mine for an answer. I told him I didn't know right now.
When I went to the doctor's today, I strolled into the waiting area and sat down, to find that it was basically just me and a young mother with two infant car seats at her feet. The receptionist was clucking around her like crazy, lol! So I listened to their conversation and discovered that the babies were 3-week-old non-identical twin girls. I know that's totally random and silly, but I admit it ever so slightly gave me goosebumps! I don't think I've seen newborn twins before, ever, let alone girls, with this kind of timing and just right in front of my nose without anyone else there.
This evening as I was putting Benjamin to bed, I heard Arthur talking to Neil downstairs about how blessed and lucky Mummy is to have lots of babies. Neil said he found a baby name book that was hidden behind the sofa for about a year till yesterday when we moved the sofa (!!!) and that was the trigger for the conversation. Anyway I heard him tell Neil that maybe Mummy would have another baby soon, maybe in the spring (?!).
So, silly coincidences aplenty today that are giving me happy goosebumps! :) I know it's daft, but I just wanted to note them here anyway!
Hopefully my temp will still be at least as high as it is today in the morning, so that my chart will confirm ovulation and put me at 3DPO. Then I can let Crazy Obsesso-Woman out of the cupboard that I've locked her in, and have some fun! ;)
My last period was definitely not implantation spotting though - it was heavier than usual and otherwise a normal period, and my temps have supported it (not that I've taken many of them this cycle), so I think everything points to a normal cycle with ovulation just having occurred. I still have a lot of pelvic discomfort today, but more just achy and draggy. Maybe it's something slightly embarrassing like constipation, and nothing to do with my reproductive system at all! ;)
Today my temp was the same as yesterday's temp, 36.4. I'm sort of waiting for it to go up a bit more, because while these are definitely post-ovulation temps, they are still on the low side, and I'm wondering what's to come. Flat temps are very often a pregnancy sign for me, according to my chart history! :) See, I'm symptom spotting at FORTY-EIGHT HOURS past ovulation. *sigh*
Okay, a couple of things I wanted to note from today - I had a smear test today. I just came due for one and they like it to be mid-cycle, so knowing I might be pregnant by the end of this cycle I hurried to make an appointment this week before it was too late! In the UK you're not allowed smear tests during pregnancy. If you're due one, you have to wait till after you've had the baby, and I did NOT want to wait another 10 months or so for a smear test once I'm due for one (since they only give them every THREE years in this country! I personally think that's rubbish, and women should be offered them at least annually!!).
Anyway. Smear test done. Watching for a little spotting from that, but none so far. I had some after my last one, so if I chart any, that's what it's from, okay? The nurse was somewhat agog that I'd had four babies (why is four so exceptionally unusual?!?! It isn't really, as far as I can see!), and even more so when she found out they were all boys and all under the age of 6. She asked about contraception and dropped her jaw again when I told her we don't use any. She asked if my cycles were regular (the routine questions) and I told her I am breastfeeding my 8-month-old, so I don't usually ovulate till around cycle day 20 and then I have a short luteal phase. This seemed like normal information to me, but she sat there frozen with her pen poised, just watching me in surprise and amusement! Apparently it's unusual for someone to know that much about her cycles! ;)
A few little "things" happened today that I wanted to note here, that made Neil and I exchange glances!
This morning I was sitting on the sofa with Matthew, and he was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Mummy? Who's in your tummy?" I confess my pulse quickened a bit! ;) Arthur has done this before, but Matthew has never said stuff like this to me, ever. I asked him what he meant, and he asked me again who was in my tummy, so I asked if he meant like a baby, and he said yes. Then he said, "Is someone in your tummy?" and his eyes were so intent and open, searching mine for an answer. I told him I didn't know right now.
When I went to the doctor's today, I strolled into the waiting area and sat down, to find that it was basically just me and a young mother with two infant car seats at her feet. The receptionist was clucking around her like crazy, lol! So I listened to their conversation and discovered that the babies were 3-week-old non-identical twin girls. I know that's totally random and silly, but I admit it ever so slightly gave me goosebumps! I don't think I've seen newborn twins before, ever, let alone girls, with this kind of timing and just right in front of my nose without anyone else there.
This evening as I was putting Benjamin to bed, I heard Arthur talking to Neil downstairs about how blessed and lucky Mummy is to have lots of babies. Neil said he found a baby name book that was hidden behind the sofa for about a year till yesterday when we moved the sofa (!!!) and that was the trigger for the conversation. Anyway I heard him tell Neil that maybe Mummy would have another baby soon, maybe in the spring (?!).
So, silly coincidences aplenty today that are giving me happy goosebumps! :) I know it's daft, but I just wanted to note them here anyway!
Hopefully my temp will still be at least as high as it is today in the morning, so that my chart will confirm ovulation and put me at 3DPO. Then I can let Crazy Obsesso-Woman out of the cupboard that I've locked her in, and have some fun! ;)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Hello again! :)
It's that time of the month again, hehe! ;)
Today I am at Cycle Day 20, and I think I have ovulated. I am on day 6 of EWCM, so I would be expecting to by around now. Some things of note, some of which I am confused about (!):
* Fertile signs VERY strong this cycle (CM, etc), more so than usual.
* Mucho increased parsnip drive, again more so than usual. Neil hurt his back at the weekend (or was it the end of last week?) and I thought we may not actually have any chance of pregnancy this cycle, but thankfully he recovered after a few days! I do love the CHANCE of pregnancy! We do not TRY for a baby per se, but I do love the fact that there's almost always a chance, given our parsnips! :)
* Much more noticable ovulation pain and discomfort leading up to ovulation this cycle too.
Here's the thing that is confusing me. Last night I was rather uncomfortable with what I had charted as "ovulation pain" that day and the day before, just aching and that certain type of dragging pain that I associate with ovulation. I usually don't feel it so clearly as that though. This past week I have been having some trouble falling asleep. My restless leg syndrome is bothering me and I am spending about an hour doing the highland fling around the bed before I can get comfortable enough to settle down. Or else I get to thinking about stuff and then I can't switch off my brain to go to sleep for a while. Anyway, I was still awake at 1am last night and over the course of about a 5-minute period began to feel really obvious ovulation pain, again much more clearly than I usually feel it. This was pinching and searing and bruisey all in one, and very pinpointed over my right ovary, and I knew I had just ovulated (just hours after parsnips, woohoo!! ;) ). It hung around till I finally fell asleep a while later.
In the morning, the pain had gone, though I still felt a little crampy, and my temp had gone up to 36.4 (from where it has been sitting at 35.9/36.0) - always a post-ovulation temperature for me, though on the low side of those, so far. BUT, EWCM in abundance again today, right through the day. I think it is definitely going away this evening though. Also, same parsnip drive today as in my "pre-ovulation" window, which is VERY VERY odd for me from the moment I ovulate onwards! I have had on and off achy ovary discomfort through the day, and then late this afternoon I had another very clear case of "ovulation pain" - the pinchy/searing/bruisey thing that I'm very familiar with when I ovulate.
So now, how can that be? That's very weird for me, and I am a bit confused by it. I do think I have ovulated, and I have never felt it so clearly as I did last night, so I'm sure I ovulated then. But I never have very fertile CM for a full day after ovulation along with the increased parsnip drive - those are both only signs of impending ovulation for me. I would start to second guess myself about having ovulated last night, but I'm SO sure of the feeling (which is confusing again since I was also so sure of the feeling this afternoon), and also my temp confirms it at 36.4 (I never have this temp unless I have ovulated, especially when it's a jump up from the previous temps like it is this time).
I don't know enough about it, but is it possible to ovulate twice within 24 hours? I always thought not, but I can't understand the ovulation pain I have experienced, and the intensity of the fertile "signs" this cycle. It's weird and I don't know what to make of it!
The only other things that are a little off the norm for me are hugely increased appetite today and yesterday, for no apparent reason, and also just feeling a bit hormonal and weepy today, which is odd at this stage!
In any case, one way or the other I feel pretty sure I have ovulated and I am now possibly 1 day past ovulation and waiting for my chart to confirm ovulation once I get to 3DPO, if my temps support that. I think the chance of conception is very very high this cycle, and am just praying that this time it will be a pregnancy that gets started properly and continues healthily!
I'll be updating here more often after the next day or so! :)
Today I am at Cycle Day 20, and I think I have ovulated. I am on day 6 of EWCM, so I would be expecting to by around now. Some things of note, some of which I am confused about (!):
* Fertile signs VERY strong this cycle (CM, etc), more so than usual.
* Mucho increased parsnip drive, again more so than usual. Neil hurt his back at the weekend (or was it the end of last week?) and I thought we may not actually have any chance of pregnancy this cycle, but thankfully he recovered after a few days! I do love the CHANCE of pregnancy! We do not TRY for a baby per se, but I do love the fact that there's almost always a chance, given our parsnips! :)
* Much more noticable ovulation pain and discomfort leading up to ovulation this cycle too.
Here's the thing that is confusing me. Last night I was rather uncomfortable with what I had charted as "ovulation pain" that day and the day before, just aching and that certain type of dragging pain that I associate with ovulation. I usually don't feel it so clearly as that though. This past week I have been having some trouble falling asleep. My restless leg syndrome is bothering me and I am spending about an hour doing the highland fling around the bed before I can get comfortable enough to settle down. Or else I get to thinking about stuff and then I can't switch off my brain to go to sleep for a while. Anyway, I was still awake at 1am last night and over the course of about a 5-minute period began to feel really obvious ovulation pain, again much more clearly than I usually feel it. This was pinching and searing and bruisey all in one, and very pinpointed over my right ovary, and I knew I had just ovulated (just hours after parsnips, woohoo!! ;) ). It hung around till I finally fell asleep a while later.
In the morning, the pain had gone, though I still felt a little crampy, and my temp had gone up to 36.4 (from where it has been sitting at 35.9/36.0) - always a post-ovulation temperature for me, though on the low side of those, so far. BUT, EWCM in abundance again today, right through the day. I think it is definitely going away this evening though. Also, same parsnip drive today as in my "pre-ovulation" window, which is VERY VERY odd for me from the moment I ovulate onwards! I have had on and off achy ovary discomfort through the day, and then late this afternoon I had another very clear case of "ovulation pain" - the pinchy/searing/bruisey thing that I'm very familiar with when I ovulate.
So now, how can that be? That's very weird for me, and I am a bit confused by it. I do think I have ovulated, and I have never felt it so clearly as I did last night, so I'm sure I ovulated then. But I never have very fertile CM for a full day after ovulation along with the increased parsnip drive - those are both only signs of impending ovulation for me. I would start to second guess myself about having ovulated last night, but I'm SO sure of the feeling (which is confusing again since I was also so sure of the feeling this afternoon), and also my temp confirms it at 36.4 (I never have this temp unless I have ovulated, especially when it's a jump up from the previous temps like it is this time).
I don't know enough about it, but is it possible to ovulate twice within 24 hours? I always thought not, but I can't understand the ovulation pain I have experienced, and the intensity of the fertile "signs" this cycle. It's weird and I don't know what to make of it!
The only other things that are a little off the norm for me are hugely increased appetite today and yesterday, for no apparent reason, and also just feeling a bit hormonal and weepy today, which is odd at this stage!
In any case, one way or the other I feel pretty sure I have ovulated and I am now possibly 1 day past ovulation and waiting for my chart to confirm ovulation once I get to 3DPO, if my temps support that. I think the chance of conception is very very high this cycle, and am just praying that this time it will be a pregnancy that gets started properly and continues healthily!
I'll be updating here more often after the next day or so! :)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Trusting God with thankfulness! :)
Just to confirm what everybody already knows - that I did get another faint positive test this morning after another high temp (although another slight drop from yesterday's), and my period arrived an hour or two later. I didn't really feel like my period was coming and I wasn't really expecting to see it at that moment, so I felt a bit sad and deflated for a little while. There was the start of a tiny new person inside me, connected enough to me to make me well aware of his/her presence, and enough to turn that blank test a faint shade of pink, so that was the reason for my sadness, not so much that I just WANTED to be pregnant. It isn't that - though I LOVE it, and am eager to go through it again! - because I am happy trusting God for the right timing. I am glad that I did the same thing a few nights ago as I did last cycle, and lay in my bed with my hand low on my abdomen, saying hello and goodbye and I love you.
And now I am okay!
Today has not been at all bad. I haven't felt dreadful at all, only a little lightheaded really. My period is heavier than usual but not too bad. I still have weirdly soft skin and an increased appetite, but everything else I had noticed before is back to normal. I have been able to do all the normal stuff with the boys, which I'm thankful for! And I delight myself in them, and in the God who loved me enough to bless me with them. They are each delightful and delicious! :) I feel confident that God will open my womb again and his wisdom is perfect so I know the child he plans to add to our family has to be conceived at exactly the right time. Maybe it will be next cycle? Or maybe not for a while?
Statistically speaking, next cycle would be "the one" :) I think Nicola and Jemma said from the start (well, earlier than this anyway!) that they thought a December baby would be the next one for me. Well if I do conceive this cycle then a December baby it will be! Probably somewhere in the middle of December. I admit, December makes me nervous.... So close to Christmas when I am already frazzled with everything to be done, and never do manage to get everything done as it is. My lovely doula takes two months out of the year where she doesn't book any births - August and December. Those are "family" months for her, to spend with her children without having to be on-call for other families. She doesn't make exceptions, and it would be so sad not to be able to have her as my doula! Maybe God will bless us with twins due mid-December (if they're girls, I have their names READY! Well, without Neil's seal of approval, so NOT so ready after all maybe!), and I'll carry them to like 37 weeks and they'll be born in late November?!?! Okay, maybe I'm getting a LITTLE carried away here! ;)
But I'm fine, really. I feel happy and thankful, and glad to celebrate the days I had with that particular tiny person, AND I get to see him or her for real one day! I won't have to guess what he/she would have looked like or anything. I will really fold ALL my children into my arms one day. Eight (EIGHT!) born from a chemical pregnancy, and four born into my arms. Twelve children. What a joyous thought! :)
Thanks so so much for leaving comments, sending hugs, and praying for me this cycle! I mention it because I appreciate it so much, and it has meant a lot to me. I'll be back in a few weeks, I hope!
And now I am okay!
Today has not been at all bad. I haven't felt dreadful at all, only a little lightheaded really. My period is heavier than usual but not too bad. I still have weirdly soft skin and an increased appetite, but everything else I had noticed before is back to normal. I have been able to do all the normal stuff with the boys, which I'm thankful for! And I delight myself in them, and in the God who loved me enough to bless me with them. They are each delightful and delicious! :) I feel confident that God will open my womb again and his wisdom is perfect so I know the child he plans to add to our family has to be conceived at exactly the right time. Maybe it will be next cycle? Or maybe not for a while?
Statistically speaking, next cycle would be "the one" :) I think Nicola and Jemma said from the start (well, earlier than this anyway!) that they thought a December baby would be the next one for me. Well if I do conceive this cycle then a December baby it will be! Probably somewhere in the middle of December. I admit, December makes me nervous.... So close to Christmas when I am already frazzled with everything to be done, and never do manage to get everything done as it is. My lovely doula takes two months out of the year where she doesn't book any births - August and December. Those are "family" months for her, to spend with her children without having to be on-call for other families. She doesn't make exceptions, and it would be so sad not to be able to have her as my doula! Maybe God will bless us with twins due mid-December (if they're girls, I have their names READY! Well, without Neil's seal of approval, so NOT so ready after all maybe!), and I'll carry them to like 37 weeks and they'll be born in late November?!?! Okay, maybe I'm getting a LITTLE carried away here! ;)
But I'm fine, really. I feel happy and thankful, and glad to celebrate the days I had with that particular tiny person, AND I get to see him or her for real one day! I won't have to guess what he/she would have looked like or anything. I will really fold ALL my children into my arms one day. Eight (EIGHT!) born from a chemical pregnancy, and four born into my arms. Twelve children. What a joyous thought! :)
Thanks so so much for leaving comments, sending hugs, and praying for me this cycle! I mention it because I appreciate it so much, and it has meant a lot to me. I'll be back in a few weeks, I hope!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
More on 10DPO...
Second post today! I presume most people saw my earlier post and didn't comment because of the unsureness of things?
It's almost the boys' bedtime and I've just finished settling Benjamin to sleep. Now I need to go and get the other boys ready for bed (Neil isn't home till 7pm usually, and they go to bed around then, or shortly thereafter), but I wanted to write a quick update here because I'm so tired that I'm just going to go to bed pretty soon after they do, and I won't have time to update here this evening.
I feel now like I'm waiting for a period to show. I have been checking all day - nothing yet. I feel yucky and crampy in a somewhat different way, and feel very different mood-wise as well. Today has been really hard! I have had a horrible headache till 2pm which wouldn't go with painkillers, and the boys have been really trying. I was changing Benjamin upstairs after a record-breaking "I'm eating food!" poo, and Matthew crept up behind me from downstairs without me noticing and I nearly leapt out of my skin when I saw him a foot away from me! I seemed to really over-react (physically) and felt tearful over it, and JUST as I was recovering after I'd sent him back down again, Arthur did the same thing and shouted "BOO!!!" three inches from my ear without me having a clue he'd come upstairs! My nerves are frazzled to their last endings, and I almost cried! I also almost cried at least a dozen more times after that as they did their various things they do - not listening when I asked them to do something, making crazy loud noises at the tops of their voices and not stopping when I asked, bickering and arguing over toys, etc. I just had noooo emotional ANYTHING to deal with it, suddenly. Finally taking Benjamin to bed I stepped on a toy in the arch of my foot and it hurt soooo much. I guess my emotional reaction was enough that Arthur came over and gave me a hug and said, "It's alright Mummy, it's alright." *sigh*
Hormone City, suddenly. My constant gassiness has almost completely vanished as of mid-morning, and my headache cleared up for the most part mid-afternoon, though it is still hanging around and a bit sore now. I feel queasy, but maybe just queasy like my period is coming, if that makes sense? I don't have any confidence about it now, and I feel low emotionally anyway, so prone to be negative. PMS, I should say?
I'm sooooo tired out! The line is still there on my test, but it's so faint. I took some photos like yesterday but I won't have any chance to upload them because I'm just going to bed, and there probably isn't any point anyway, as I'm sure I'm waiting for an impending period now. I do feel a bit down about it, but oh well. I'll feel better tomorrow after some sleep and a little time put between now and then. GOD KNOWS BEST!! :) Good to remind myself! And I trust Him completely. I will still temp tomorrow to confirm what is going on, and I'm going to order some new pregnancy tests, because I have one left now. It will be great to say I have had a 10 day luteal phase! But I may not get that far if my period shows up before I get to bed this evening. Anyway, I will update tomorrow! Better go and sort the boys out now!
It's almost the boys' bedtime and I've just finished settling Benjamin to sleep. Now I need to go and get the other boys ready for bed (Neil isn't home till 7pm usually, and they go to bed around then, or shortly thereafter), but I wanted to write a quick update here because I'm so tired that I'm just going to go to bed pretty soon after they do, and I won't have time to update here this evening.
I feel now like I'm waiting for a period to show. I have been checking all day - nothing yet. I feel yucky and crampy in a somewhat different way, and feel very different mood-wise as well. Today has been really hard! I have had a horrible headache till 2pm which wouldn't go with painkillers, and the boys have been really trying. I was changing Benjamin upstairs after a record-breaking "I'm eating food!" poo, and Matthew crept up behind me from downstairs without me noticing and I nearly leapt out of my skin when I saw him a foot away from me! I seemed to really over-react (physically) and felt tearful over it, and JUST as I was recovering after I'd sent him back down again, Arthur did the same thing and shouted "BOO!!!" three inches from my ear without me having a clue he'd come upstairs! My nerves are frazzled to their last endings, and I almost cried! I also almost cried at least a dozen more times after that as they did their various things they do - not listening when I asked them to do something, making crazy loud noises at the tops of their voices and not stopping when I asked, bickering and arguing over toys, etc. I just had noooo emotional ANYTHING to deal with it, suddenly. Finally taking Benjamin to bed I stepped on a toy in the arch of my foot and it hurt soooo much. I guess my emotional reaction was enough that Arthur came over and gave me a hug and said, "It's alright Mummy, it's alright." *sigh*
Hormone City, suddenly. My constant gassiness has almost completely vanished as of mid-morning, and my headache cleared up for the most part mid-afternoon, though it is still hanging around and a bit sore now. I feel queasy, but maybe just queasy like my period is coming, if that makes sense? I don't have any confidence about it now, and I feel low emotionally anyway, so prone to be negative. PMS, I should say?
I'm sooooo tired out! The line is still there on my test, but it's so faint. I took some photos like yesterday but I won't have any chance to upload them because I'm just going to bed, and there probably isn't any point anyway, as I'm sure I'm waiting for an impending period now. I do feel a bit down about it, but oh well. I'll feel better tomorrow after some sleep and a little time put between now and then. GOD KNOWS BEST!! :) Good to remind myself! And I trust Him completely. I will still temp tomorrow to confirm what is going on, and I'm going to order some new pregnancy tests, because I have one left now. It will be great to say I have had a 10 day luteal phase! But I may not get that far if my period shows up before I get to bed this evening. Anyway, I will update tomorrow! Better go and sort the boys out now!
10DPO and calling it
Well, I've amazingly arrived at 10 days past ovulation! I want to update my chart but there's explanations to go with stuff so I wanted to do a quick post here so that nobody jumps to conclusions (good or bad!).
I tested this morning and I am going to call it and chart a positive pregnancy test! BUT, with caution, so not the usual "Wheeeeeeeee, I'm pregnant!!!!" thing! If this is a chemical pregnancy, it's the clearest positive I've ever had, but it's still so whisper faint that it makes me unconfident.
I also have a bit of a temp drop this morning, from 36.9 to 36.7. That's still a high temp for me (and possibly still high enough for a triphasic chart - I'll find that out in a minute when I enter my data on the chart for today), but because it has come down from even higher, it makes me wary, especially at this stage with my history. I also have a stonk-tastic headache this morning, and it was kicking my butt by the time I got in bed last night too. It wasn't there during the night-wakings with Benjamin, but it's really sore today. Sometimes I get bad headaches right before a period starts. I also feel hot and congested in my womb area, and while that could be a continuation of pregnancy symptoms, my lack of confidence as explained leads me to worry that it's because I'm going to get my period.
BUT, I'm excited (cautiously!) about the BFP! :) The faint line was visible around the 5 minute mark, it fills the whole "fatness" of where a positive result line should be, and it's too faint to really tell but I think it has a hint of pink colour to it. I can see it in any light, at most angles, and even in this room (just settled Benji to sleep for a nap) with the curtains drawn - so shaded light. I get worried that I've just trained my eyes to see NOTHING with my craziness over the last couple of days staring at negative test sticks, especially yesterday when I was fiddling with the photo to try to enhance what I was sure I could see! ;) I think when this one has dried I'll try to take another photo of all three together so that I can see if it really is a stronger line than the others. So far I can still see a shadowy line on the other two as well, so I'm not sure if it will look stronger today or not, especially on a photo. I definitely see a line, and they say that a line is a line, so.... I just hope I can photograph it so that you can see what I mean. It's sooo faint...
Anyway, with any sort of temp drop at 10DPO, I'm nervous that I'll just start bleeding anyway later, so I will not relax about it today probably. I hope I get to tomorrow so I can confirm one way or the other - lower temp, or stronger test.
I'm going to chart a positive test result now, and my lower temp. My skin is still weirdly soft. I just thought that might throw up a bit of confusion, and I also didn't want anyone jumping up and down thinking I had a good clear strong test result! I feel insecure about the result. I know I see a line, and I never really do get to that joyful point properly before my period shows with chemical pregnancies normally, but still. I just feel nervous about it. I love seeing a little line of evidence that somebody is in there producing a hormone to confirm their tiny presence!!! But attachment like that makes me even more nervous for it to all disappear.
I will update later as usual, because I may get my period yet today, or have other noteworthy symptoms to post. I'm calling it a BFP, but not "yay, I'm really actually PREGNANT!!" yet, if that makes sense! :)
I tested this morning and I am going to call it and chart a positive pregnancy test! BUT, with caution, so not the usual "Wheeeeeeeee, I'm pregnant!!!!" thing! If this is a chemical pregnancy, it's the clearest positive I've ever had, but it's still so whisper faint that it makes me unconfident.
I also have a bit of a temp drop this morning, from 36.9 to 36.7. That's still a high temp for me (and possibly still high enough for a triphasic chart - I'll find that out in a minute when I enter my data on the chart for today), but because it has come down from even higher, it makes me wary, especially at this stage with my history. I also have a stonk-tastic headache this morning, and it was kicking my butt by the time I got in bed last night too. It wasn't there during the night-wakings with Benjamin, but it's really sore today. Sometimes I get bad headaches right before a period starts. I also feel hot and congested in my womb area, and while that could be a continuation of pregnancy symptoms, my lack of confidence as explained leads me to worry that it's because I'm going to get my period.
BUT, I'm excited (cautiously!) about the BFP! :) The faint line was visible around the 5 minute mark, it fills the whole "fatness" of where a positive result line should be, and it's too faint to really tell but I think it has a hint of pink colour to it. I can see it in any light, at most angles, and even in this room (just settled Benji to sleep for a nap) with the curtains drawn - so shaded light. I get worried that I've just trained my eyes to see NOTHING with my craziness over the last couple of days staring at negative test sticks, especially yesterday when I was fiddling with the photo to try to enhance what I was sure I could see! ;) I think when this one has dried I'll try to take another photo of all three together so that I can see if it really is a stronger line than the others. So far I can still see a shadowy line on the other two as well, so I'm not sure if it will look stronger today or not, especially on a photo. I definitely see a line, and they say that a line is a line, so.... I just hope I can photograph it so that you can see what I mean. It's sooo faint...
Anyway, with any sort of temp drop at 10DPO, I'm nervous that I'll just start bleeding anyway later, so I will not relax about it today probably. I hope I get to tomorrow so I can confirm one way or the other - lower temp, or stronger test.
I'm going to chart a positive test result now, and my lower temp. My skin is still weirdly soft. I just thought that might throw up a bit of confusion, and I also didn't want anyone jumping up and down thinking I had a good clear strong test result! I feel insecure about the result. I know I see a line, and I never really do get to that joyful point properly before my period shows with chemical pregnancies normally, but still. I just feel nervous about it. I love seeing a little line of evidence that somebody is in there producing a hormone to confirm their tiny presence!!! But attachment like that makes me even more nervous for it to all disappear.
I will update later as usual, because I may get my period yet today, or have other noteworthy symptoms to post. I'm calling it a BFP, but not "yay, I'm really actually PREGNANT!!" yet, if that makes sense! :)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Crazy crazy obsesso-woman at 9DPO!
NINE days past ovulation!!!! And another highest temp yet this morning!!!! Also the same hot crampiness and twinges and stuff as yesterday, this morning. So Obsesso-Woman has officially donned her cape, whether I like it or not! ;) *sigh*
I was partially normal yesterday. Today I am one hundred percent (well, maybe ninety-nine) nutso. Trawling through chart galleries, photographing negative pregnancy test sticks, fiddling with the resulting photos, checking my underwear, etc, etc. A crazy woman. I'm embarrassed to admit it folks, but it's the truth.
So my temperature this morning was 36.9! For a moment as I was taking my temperature, I felt nervous to look at the thermometer because suddenly I wasn't sure if I "felt" pregnant any more, so perhaps it had all dropped away overnight? But there was the high temperature, to reassure me! I do hope this pregnancy (because it is one right now) can continue! I'm (daftly) getting attached to the idea of THIS particular baby bean. It IS daft, because it's quite likely it won't continue, with my last LP being only 7 days long, and a history of chemical pregnancies ending at 10 and 11 days past ovulation :(
Look what I found when looking through my charts - here's the cycle I'm on right now, up to today, 9DPO:
And here's a cycle that started on July 22nd 2005 - the cycle before Matthew was conceived:
Uncanny isn't it! They look SO similar in the luteal phase. It gave me a good reminder that even if it looks (and is) pregnant at 9 or 10DPO, it can still all fall away the very next day and become just a period, if my hormone levels aren't right yet to support a pregnancy beyond the start of implantation. I think my previous cycle only had a 6 day LP, so this cycle I'm on right now looks pretty much like it is poised to do the same as the above one. I somehow AM still so excited about the possibility of being pregnant, and at watching all the signs each day as another day unfolds with a high temp and no period, and another. But I am also trying to see the potential reality of the above. Ah well. I hope it won't be the same this time.
Also with my chemical pregnancies I struggle to get a decent positive test, even at 10 or 11DPO (the stage where I usually get a clear, if faint, positive with my healthy pregnancies). So that will be another clue if my temp is somehow still up tomorrow and I still test negative.
I took another test this morning and saw the same "shadow" that I saw the day before, within the 5 minutes. I compared it with yesterday's and they are both NEGATIVE tests, but I felt sure that in certain lights and angles (!) today's shadow was just a little more shadowy and full than yesterday's. It seemed to fill out the non-existent line more (ha!) to me than yesterday's not-there line ;) Later when it was dry I compared the two again (since yesterday's is dry too, obviously) and still felt like the line that's not there is a little stronger than the line that's not there from yesterday's test. When Neil got home tonight (he worked late and didn't get in till 10pm, poor guy! And arrived to find his wife squinting at two small sticks under the light, haha! At least he had dinner waiting - it wasn't all bad! ;) ) he held them to the light at all angles and said he saw what I saw but it seemed a bit far-fetched! While he was out I had gone crazy with hue and saturation and whatnot on a photo that I took of the two tests together (which, to remind you, are BOTH negative!), just to see if I could get technology to prove that my eyes aren't seeing things (which they probably are, but anyway).
So here's the photo I took. It's dark and grainy and grey, because those things made it easiest to see what I felt sure I could see. The top test stick is today's (9DPO) and the bottom one is yesterday's (8DPO). I drew an arrow to show you where the shadow of a line is, since you'll have no clue without it - the test being NEGATIVE! *sigh* I told you I am a crazy woman today!
I do not think that shadow is an evaporation line because there isn't one on the bottom test, and it fills the line (which I could see better in late afternoon daylight coming in from the north, hahahaha! ;) ) rather than just being a weird stripe on it or something.
Anyway. There is my evidence of nuttiness today. I have no shame! ;)
So today I am tired and a little headachy perhaps, but nothing I've been able to call an actual headache as such. I am not feeling too moody or irritable today, but I went to show something to Neil online - a photo of a baby who had been malnourished and is now chubby and healthy, praise God! - and I was mid-word when my throat closed right up in a sob and made it sound like I was choking trying to talk round it! The story was moving but I hadn't felt emotional at ALL, it just hit me in an instant, and that for me is usually hormonal. I've felt a little bit weepy today in general, and usually by surprise.
I had the usual bad cramps/mild cramps on and off this morning, and they sort of faded out by late morning. I haven't really been bothered by bad cramps at all since then, and the mild cramps have been on and off. I have had backache still, quite uncomfortable on my left side this evening whilst sitting on the sofa. I have had the odd sudden twinge inside my hip, very much like a ligament pain (pregnancy ones) but like a teeny tiny version. The same little electric flash/pull sensation though.
I keep thinking that with the cramps being bad for several days running, that is typical (for me at least) of implantation as the tiny one burrows in and sets up camp, so to speak! Then when the cramps fade off (which they always do eventually, after a bit) I wonder if that means implantation is complete? I don't really know enough about implantation to know how long it takes to complete. If it's complete, doesn't that mean it's established, and that a short luteal phase can no longer interfere? I don't know about that though, because I have charted the bad cramps on previous chemical pregnancy cycles, and they've often faded off too before my period shows. Not always. Sometimes they're still going when my temperature drops and my period shows up.
I'm very thirsty again today, and a new thing is that I definitely have an increased appetite today. I came over painfully hungry at 11am today after a really good breakfast only a few hours before. That kind of breakfast always lasts me till 1pm or just before, so I thought that was odd at the time. I ate a good lunch at normal time and was very hungry again at 5pm. I was making the dinner a little while later when I became really shaky and lightheaded with hunger and had to eat some cheese. It's 11.30pm now (tsk! Should have been in bed ages ago! Been so tired today!) and I am going to have to eat before I can go to bed as I feel hungry enough to eat a main meal again!
I'm still really annoyingly gassy and bloated, more so than ever it seems, each day. My skin is still weirdly soft, but there was a moment late afternoon when I touched my face randomly and got worried that it wasn't feeling as soft any more. Usually when that happens it's some sort of good indicator, because I then get my temperature drop and my period the next day. But it's soft again this evening :)
No particularly bothersome queasiness today, and it wasn't sore to breastfeed either. I have some mild stabbing pains in my breasts, but nothing else. I am having a crampy moment and some odd pressure very low down right now, but that's something I have noticed over the last few days. It's very on and off, which again is typical for me in a pregnant luteal phase.
Soooo the thing is, will it carry on? I guess I will go to bed (after eating!) and see what my temp is in the morning. That should tell me, one way or the other, never mind a pregnancy test. I will be disappointed if it drops! But if it does, it does. I'll update asap again tomorrow. Thanks for hanging in there with this crazy woman! ;)
I was partially normal yesterday. Today I am one hundred percent (well, maybe ninety-nine) nutso. Trawling through chart galleries, photographing negative pregnancy test sticks, fiddling with the resulting photos, checking my underwear, etc, etc. A crazy woman. I'm embarrassed to admit it folks, but it's the truth.
So my temperature this morning was 36.9! For a moment as I was taking my temperature, I felt nervous to look at the thermometer because suddenly I wasn't sure if I "felt" pregnant any more, so perhaps it had all dropped away overnight? But there was the high temperature, to reassure me! I do hope this pregnancy (because it is one right now) can continue! I'm (daftly) getting attached to the idea of THIS particular baby bean. It IS daft, because it's quite likely it won't continue, with my last LP being only 7 days long, and a history of chemical pregnancies ending at 10 and 11 days past ovulation :(
Look what I found when looking through my charts - here's the cycle I'm on right now, up to today, 9DPO:
And here's a cycle that started on July 22nd 2005 - the cycle before Matthew was conceived:
Uncanny isn't it! They look SO similar in the luteal phase. It gave me a good reminder that even if it looks (and is) pregnant at 9 or 10DPO, it can still all fall away the very next day and become just a period, if my hormone levels aren't right yet to support a pregnancy beyond the start of implantation. I think my previous cycle only had a 6 day LP, so this cycle I'm on right now looks pretty much like it is poised to do the same as the above one. I somehow AM still so excited about the possibility of being pregnant, and at watching all the signs each day as another day unfolds with a high temp and no period, and another. But I am also trying to see the potential reality of the above. Ah well. I hope it won't be the same this time.
Also with my chemical pregnancies I struggle to get a decent positive test, even at 10 or 11DPO (the stage where I usually get a clear, if faint, positive with my healthy pregnancies). So that will be another clue if my temp is somehow still up tomorrow and I still test negative.
I took another test this morning and saw the same "shadow" that I saw the day before, within the 5 minutes. I compared it with yesterday's and they are both NEGATIVE tests, but I felt sure that in certain lights and angles (!) today's shadow was just a little more shadowy and full than yesterday's. It seemed to fill out the non-existent line more (ha!) to me than yesterday's not-there line ;) Later when it was dry I compared the two again (since yesterday's is dry too, obviously) and still felt like the line that's not there is a little stronger than the line that's not there from yesterday's test. When Neil got home tonight (he worked late and didn't get in till 10pm, poor guy! And arrived to find his wife squinting at two small sticks under the light, haha! At least he had dinner waiting - it wasn't all bad! ;) ) he held them to the light at all angles and said he saw what I saw but it seemed a bit far-fetched! While he was out I had gone crazy with hue and saturation and whatnot on a photo that I took of the two tests together (which, to remind you, are BOTH negative!), just to see if I could get technology to prove that my eyes aren't seeing things (which they probably are, but anyway).
So here's the photo I took. It's dark and grainy and grey, because those things made it easiest to see what I felt sure I could see. The top test stick is today's (9DPO) and the bottom one is yesterday's (8DPO). I drew an arrow to show you where the shadow of a line is, since you'll have no clue without it - the test being NEGATIVE! *sigh* I told you I am a crazy woman today!
I do not think that shadow is an evaporation line because there isn't one on the bottom test, and it fills the line (which I could see better in late afternoon daylight coming in from the north, hahahaha! ;) ) rather than just being a weird stripe on it or something.
Anyway. There is my evidence of nuttiness today. I have no shame! ;)
So today I am tired and a little headachy perhaps, but nothing I've been able to call an actual headache as such. I am not feeling too moody or irritable today, but I went to show something to Neil online - a photo of a baby who had been malnourished and is now chubby and healthy, praise God! - and I was mid-word when my throat closed right up in a sob and made it sound like I was choking trying to talk round it! The story was moving but I hadn't felt emotional at ALL, it just hit me in an instant, and that for me is usually hormonal. I've felt a little bit weepy today in general, and usually by surprise.
I had the usual bad cramps/mild cramps on and off this morning, and they sort of faded out by late morning. I haven't really been bothered by bad cramps at all since then, and the mild cramps have been on and off. I have had backache still, quite uncomfortable on my left side this evening whilst sitting on the sofa. I have had the odd sudden twinge inside my hip, very much like a ligament pain (pregnancy ones) but like a teeny tiny version. The same little electric flash/pull sensation though.
I keep thinking that with the cramps being bad for several days running, that is typical (for me at least) of implantation as the tiny one burrows in and sets up camp, so to speak! Then when the cramps fade off (which they always do eventually, after a bit) I wonder if that means implantation is complete? I don't really know enough about implantation to know how long it takes to complete. If it's complete, doesn't that mean it's established, and that a short luteal phase can no longer interfere? I don't know about that though, because I have charted the bad cramps on previous chemical pregnancy cycles, and they've often faded off too before my period shows. Not always. Sometimes they're still going when my temperature drops and my period shows up.
I'm very thirsty again today, and a new thing is that I definitely have an increased appetite today. I came over painfully hungry at 11am today after a really good breakfast only a few hours before. That kind of breakfast always lasts me till 1pm or just before, so I thought that was odd at the time. I ate a good lunch at normal time and was very hungry again at 5pm. I was making the dinner a little while later when I became really shaky and lightheaded with hunger and had to eat some cheese. It's 11.30pm now (tsk! Should have been in bed ages ago! Been so tired today!) and I am going to have to eat before I can go to bed as I feel hungry enough to eat a main meal again!
I'm still really annoyingly gassy and bloated, more so than ever it seems, each day. My skin is still weirdly soft, but there was a moment late afternoon when I touched my face randomly and got worried that it wasn't feeling as soft any more. Usually when that happens it's some sort of good indicator, because I then get my temperature drop and my period the next day. But it's soft again this evening :)
No particularly bothersome queasiness today, and it wasn't sore to breastfeed either. I have some mild stabbing pains in my breasts, but nothing else. I am having a crampy moment and some odd pressure very low down right now, but that's something I have noticed over the last few days. It's very on and off, which again is typical for me in a pregnant luteal phase.
Soooo the thing is, will it carry on? I guess I will go to bed (after eating!) and see what my temp is in the morning. That should tell me, one way or the other, never mind a pregnancy test. I will be disappointed if it drops! But if it does, it does. I'll update asap again tomorrow. Thanks for hanging in there with this crazy woman! ;)
Monday, March 1, 2010
8DPO...
I'm still here!!! Moving into 9DPO (it's late, tsk!)!! I'm so glad my luteal phase is longer than last cycle, yay! :)
I have a lot to report for today, and it's late so I need to do it sort of bullet-point-y, otherwise I'll waffle and ramble and still be up just a few hours before I need to wake up and temp again, haha! ;)
My temperature went UP this morning!!!!! I was so excited to see it, I don't know WHY I am quite this excited, really, but I apparently am! It's my highest temp this cycle, and in a way it surprised me after yesterday's temp drop, but in all other ways it was not a surprise. I woke up just FEELING luteal-phase-ish still, overly warm and all that stuff. Subtle things that I'm pretty familiar with now. So it was 36.8 this morning, and I was so pleased because with a temp like that I certainly did not expect to see my period today. And it hasn't arrived! In fact, not any sign of it coming at all right now.
I am double excited really, because I have had bad cramps on and off (this morning I even considered taking painkillers once or twice, seriously) for 48 hours now with NO period following. Now, that has never ever happened to me before (ever) except when I have been pregnant. Ever.
I have to tell you, no matter whether my temp drops in the morning and my period does show - I know I sound like a broken record or something, but I absolutely completely feel like I am pregnant. It's not so much the queasiness that started late afternoon and hung around through the evening today, or the flatulence that's becoming rather ridiculous now (!!), typical of a pregnant luteal phase for me, or the other things that could easily be me mis-reading PMS signs. It's none of that. The convincing stuff is the stuff which, in my LONG history of charting and over-analyzing every tiny detail of my body's signs and symptoms (!), ONLY happens when conception and implantation has taken place (or started to, at least). Some things, for me, NEVER take place otherwise. And the cramping is one of them.
Today the cramps have changed over the course of the day, and I wanted to detail that here for my "records", for comparison really.
This morning right from waking I had pelvic discomfort across the whole area and through to my back, right across the small of my back. It was just "hurty/crampy" (from my FF chart notes that I jot down through the day if I get chance, so I don't forget anything later!). That kind of feeling has continued fairly continuously throughout the day. Sometimes the backache has felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't get comfy sitting on the sofa.
During the first part of the morning I started to be aware of a new feeling which went on to be pretty constant and bothersome for the rest of the morning and then on and off through the afternoon and evening. It felt like a sort of pulling/searing pain (well, "pain" is a bit strong, but cramp isn't really the right word, and it was more than discomfort) right across the whole area inside my hips and from the pit of my abdomen up to my bikini line. It was much more focused behind my pubic bone (maybe even lower, that's how it felt). At the same time, further out to just inside my hips (further up near my bikini line) I had a sensation very much like mild ligament pain (as in, the type of ligament pain I experience a bit later on during my pregnancies, just a miiiild version of it), a sort of stretching-ish feeling, but not quick flashes like real ligament pains - it was constant and very uncomfortable.
I have had sort of burny pressure sensations very low and central (once or twice today those turned into yucky hot vice-like cramps that radiated outwards to my hips low down, just for a minute each time maybe, but I was SO SURE my period had arrived both times and went running to the loo to sort it out!). The pressure feeling is strange with the pulling/stretching feeling further out! It's an odd combination to feel. I am so very familiar with this kind of feeling that I know pretty much for sure that it's because implantation is underway. Even so, I just have no idea if my luteal phase can support it, so it's a wait and see thing again, and I must not let myself get too excited about the possibility.
I have more CM than usual again today, but less than yesterday for sure. My crampy sensations are a little easier this evening but the backache is bothersome. I haven't had any time at all today from waking till now without some sort of cramping or pelvic discomfort, so something is definitely going on! I never have this before a period, even RIGHT before, not to this degree.
I'm not particularly aware of any breast discomfort today, but I still think they are bigger than they were.
I charted weirdly soft skin today!!!! :D I asked Neil to verify (he's my Quality Control Guy, haha! Very strict standards!) and he said yes, and then that he wasn't sure. I feel sure, and for him to even say yes to start with is enough for me, so I charted it! ;) That's a very strong pregnancy sign for me. I've never had that without being pregnant (as Megan noted!).
I feel too warm today. It's not warm (though a LOVELY sunny day today!) but I have had all the windows open today! So nice! :) I feel burny behind my skin, especially on my face (keep getting flushed) and in my eyes and can't seem to feel the cold at all. I have some new spots (hormonal) on my face today, just a couple. That's not usual for me at all before a period. Specifically I get a few on my neck (for some weird reason!) before a period, but never on my face. I do sometimes note spots on my face in pregnant luteal phases though, especially Nathan and Benjamin's pregnancies (and some chemical pregnancies).
Okay so if you have seen my chart today, you probably saw that I was a bit of a crazy woman and peed on a stick at only EIGHT days past ovulation, hahaha! ;) Yes, yes, I know, but they're expiring as I type this and sitting in the drawer calling my name!! With a high temp and reaching 8DPO when I wasn't sure if would, I just had to test! Of course it was negative! ;) I am sure I saw a shadowy line, but I couldn't possibly call it anything except negative. I had to really stand on my head and close one eye and spread my toes apart to see the "line", so I am very likely just seeing things, hehe! I have been back to it in various lights (!) over the day and still see the shadow, but it's just that, a shadowiness, not a line. I'm so silly! ;) I will test every day until either my temp drops or I get a positive test, I think. Just to use up the expiring tests, of course! Can't have them going to waste! ;)
That all said, now that I've jumped about here all excited, I will likely get my temp drop and period tomorrow! It's still entirely possible. If I do, I will have had an 8-day luteal phase - one day better than last cycle, but still short. I'm just so pleased it isn't sticking at 7 days or less. I confess I'm hopeful for a pregnancy that sticks, but I TRULY should not get myself so excited about the possibility! Whatever the outcome it's absolutely fine because God knows BEST about what is right for our family and when. I need to keep my mind focused on that instead of charts and test sticks and things! And go to bed now. It's so late, and I'm very tired again today.
I'll update my chart as early as I'm able to, and my blog at some point tomorrow too. Thanks for reading and being excited with me (those who are, that is! There are probably others rolling their eyes and clicking swiftly away to somewhere more sane, haha!)!
I have a lot to report for today, and it's late so I need to do it sort of bullet-point-y, otherwise I'll waffle and ramble and still be up just a few hours before I need to wake up and temp again, haha! ;)
My temperature went UP this morning!!!!! I was so excited to see it, I don't know WHY I am quite this excited, really, but I apparently am! It's my highest temp this cycle, and in a way it surprised me after yesterday's temp drop, but in all other ways it was not a surprise. I woke up just FEELING luteal-phase-ish still, overly warm and all that stuff. Subtle things that I'm pretty familiar with now. So it was 36.8 this morning, and I was so pleased because with a temp like that I certainly did not expect to see my period today. And it hasn't arrived! In fact, not any sign of it coming at all right now.
I am double excited really, because I have had bad cramps on and off (this morning I even considered taking painkillers once or twice, seriously) for 48 hours now with NO period following. Now, that has never ever happened to me before (ever) except when I have been pregnant. Ever.
I have to tell you, no matter whether my temp drops in the morning and my period does show - I know I sound like a broken record or something, but I absolutely completely feel like I am pregnant. It's not so much the queasiness that started late afternoon and hung around through the evening today, or the flatulence that's becoming rather ridiculous now (!!), typical of a pregnant luteal phase for me, or the other things that could easily be me mis-reading PMS signs. It's none of that. The convincing stuff is the stuff which, in my LONG history of charting and over-analyzing every tiny detail of my body's signs and symptoms (!), ONLY happens when conception and implantation has taken place (or started to, at least). Some things, for me, NEVER take place otherwise. And the cramping is one of them.
Today the cramps have changed over the course of the day, and I wanted to detail that here for my "records", for comparison really.
This morning right from waking I had pelvic discomfort across the whole area and through to my back, right across the small of my back. It was just "hurty/crampy" (from my FF chart notes that I jot down through the day if I get chance, so I don't forget anything later!). That kind of feeling has continued fairly continuously throughout the day. Sometimes the backache has felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't get comfy sitting on the sofa.
During the first part of the morning I started to be aware of a new feeling which went on to be pretty constant and bothersome for the rest of the morning and then on and off through the afternoon and evening. It felt like a sort of pulling/searing pain (well, "pain" is a bit strong, but cramp isn't really the right word, and it was more than discomfort) right across the whole area inside my hips and from the pit of my abdomen up to my bikini line. It was much more focused behind my pubic bone (maybe even lower, that's how it felt). At the same time, further out to just inside my hips (further up near my bikini line) I had a sensation very much like mild ligament pain (as in, the type of ligament pain I experience a bit later on during my pregnancies, just a miiiild version of it), a sort of stretching-ish feeling, but not quick flashes like real ligament pains - it was constant and very uncomfortable.
I have had sort of burny pressure sensations very low and central (once or twice today those turned into yucky hot vice-like cramps that radiated outwards to my hips low down, just for a minute each time maybe, but I was SO SURE my period had arrived both times and went running to the loo to sort it out!). The pressure feeling is strange with the pulling/stretching feeling further out! It's an odd combination to feel. I am so very familiar with this kind of feeling that I know pretty much for sure that it's because implantation is underway. Even so, I just have no idea if my luteal phase can support it, so it's a wait and see thing again, and I must not let myself get too excited about the possibility.
I have more CM than usual again today, but less than yesterday for sure. My crampy sensations are a little easier this evening but the backache is bothersome. I haven't had any time at all today from waking till now without some sort of cramping or pelvic discomfort, so something is definitely going on! I never have this before a period, even RIGHT before, not to this degree.
I'm not particularly aware of any breast discomfort today, but I still think they are bigger than they were.
I charted weirdly soft skin today!!!! :D I asked Neil to verify (he's my Quality Control Guy, haha! Very strict standards!) and he said yes, and then that he wasn't sure. I feel sure, and for him to even say yes to start with is enough for me, so I charted it! ;) That's a very strong pregnancy sign for me. I've never had that without being pregnant (as Megan noted!).
I feel too warm today. It's not warm (though a LOVELY sunny day today!) but I have had all the windows open today! So nice! :) I feel burny behind my skin, especially on my face (keep getting flushed) and in my eyes and can't seem to feel the cold at all. I have some new spots (hormonal) on my face today, just a couple. That's not usual for me at all before a period. Specifically I get a few on my neck (for some weird reason!) before a period, but never on my face. I do sometimes note spots on my face in pregnant luteal phases though, especially Nathan and Benjamin's pregnancies (and some chemical pregnancies).
Okay so if you have seen my chart today, you probably saw that I was a bit of a crazy woman and peed on a stick at only EIGHT days past ovulation, hahaha! ;) Yes, yes, I know, but they're expiring as I type this and sitting in the drawer calling my name!! With a high temp and reaching 8DPO when I wasn't sure if would, I just had to test! Of course it was negative! ;) I am sure I saw a shadowy line, but I couldn't possibly call it anything except negative. I had to really stand on my head and close one eye and spread my toes apart to see the "line", so I am very likely just seeing things, hehe! I have been back to it in various lights (!) over the day and still see the shadow, but it's just that, a shadowiness, not a line. I'm so silly! ;) I will test every day until either my temp drops or I get a positive test, I think. Just to use up the expiring tests, of course! Can't have them going to waste! ;)
That all said, now that I've jumped about here all excited, I will likely get my temp drop and period tomorrow! It's still entirely possible. If I do, I will have had an 8-day luteal phase - one day better than last cycle, but still short. I'm just so pleased it isn't sticking at 7 days or less. I confess I'm hopeful for a pregnancy that sticks, but I TRULY should not get myself so excited about the possibility! Whatever the outcome it's absolutely fine because God knows BEST about what is right for our family and when. I need to keep my mind focused on that instead of charts and test sticks and things! And go to bed now. It's so late, and I'm very tired again today.
I'll update my chart as early as I'm able to, and my blog at some point tomorrow too. Thanks for reading and being excited with me (those who are, that is! There are probably others rolling their eyes and clicking swiftly away to somewhere more sane, haha!)!
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